All He Wants to Do

Do you know how loved you are?

Now, before you hit the snooze button, just hear me out.

I always shy away from writing posts like these, because in all honesty, I feel like they’re usually suuuuuper cheesy, but sometimes, you just need to hear it.

And tonight, for me, I do.

I find that so often, I hide from God. Which is silly, because I literally can’t not be in His sight. But I try. I try to hide and cower away.

Why? Because of shame.

Shame makes you hide yourself because of something that you’ve done.

My past is rampant with things that I am not proud of. Things that I’ve done or said to myself and my loved ones that are hurtful and have caused pain.

And even though I know that I am forgiven of those things, I still am haunted by that baggage of guilt, and its carry-on companion, shame. (see what I did there??) 🙂

But anyways, it is because of that shame that I try to hide from God. Why? Because I feel I am unworthy of His love because of those things I did in my past.

But here’s what I need to remember.

All God wants to do is love me. All He wants to do is love you.

I think a lot of times, we feel that God is like our high school principal. Like, He is some kill-joy that has it “out for you.” Like He’s hiding around the corner, just waiting for you to screw up in the lunch room, so He can discipline you and send you to detention. Or that He’ll shut down all the weekend parties, and if and when He catches you, not only will you be punished, but you’ll have to rat out all your friends. Sometimes, God can get painted in that light.

But it couldn’t be farther from the truth.

God is not out to get you. He isn’t waiting for you to mess up so that He can punish you and expel you from school.

All He wants to do is love you.

There is nothing that you could do or say that could make Him not love you. Those things that you and I feel shameful about, He wants to free you from them.

Those things in our past, when we hold onto them and use them as a reason to hide from God, all we are doing is preventing ourselves from feeling His overwhelming love.

Here’s the truth of the matter:

So you F’d up royally. I know I did – I do – I have right now.

He forgives you.

And you know what else?

He loves you anyway.

You are His daughter. His child. His precious possession. He made you for crying out loud.

Can you imagine how frustrated He must be when we put our shame in the way of His love? He’s like, “Come on, just let me love you! I forgave you of that already! Just let it go, for Pete’s sake!”

He is seeking you. He is longing to love you.

You just have to let Him. Let go of the shame that is creating a barricade to your heart. The things in the past that are causing the shame, were they hurtful? Yes. Ask for forgiveness. He will forgive you if you ask for it. Then once you are forgiven – let that shit go.

Recovery is hard. Really hard. Believe me, I get it. I get that you have days where you are just racked with so much shame about this or that, or you’re crippled with fear and anxiety, or you’re just overwhelmed with self-doubt or self-hatred, or you just feel defeated — utterly defeated that there’s no way you’ll ever be able to make it through the day. Those days are real and sometimes all you long for is a hug. For someone to just get it. And for someone to meet you in your brokenness and love you.

Jesus is that person. That’s all He wants to do.

He just wants to hug you. He wants to love you. He wants to look into your eyes and tell you that everything is going to be okay. He wants to heal that brokenness and to strengthen you to get through those tough days so that you can reclaim your life and be free of the shame and the oppression of ED. Why? Because He loves you more than words can express.

Just let Him.

He is calling after you.

Come out from your hiding.

Let Him love you.