Remember Who You Are

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Today I am sharing with you part of my soul.

And you may be a bit confused, because, hello – this blog kind of is my soul, which I have willingly put out onto the internet ((what am I thinking??))

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But this, today…this is a sacred part of my heart.

A part that I do not share with very many people, because for me it is quite intimate.

I’m sharing with you my voice.

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I was recently asked what to say to someone who is in the throes of the anorexia.

And this is a hard question. Because when you’re in the midst of the disease, as with any addiction, it is all consuming. Quite literally. You’ve gotten yourself so engulfed in the rituals surrounding food, the rules for yourself, the obscene exercise, the lies you’ve spun, the isolation and pushing people away, the obsession over food, the self-punishment, the avoidance of social situations, the explosive blow ups with family members — in short, you are not you any more.

You’ve forgotten who you are.


That’s what makes anorexia so hard to break free from. You become a shell of your former self. A shell that doesn’t feel. Doesn’t love. Doesn’t care about any thing or any one, other than ED.

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So. Back to the question?

How does one break free? What do you say to someone who is in the throes?

First and foremost, it’s all about Jesus. And conceptually, we know that. But what does that actually look like? How does one go about that?

The answer: Remembering who you are.

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Finding a key that links you back to who you were before your disease.

Like a pin-prick in a piece of black construction paper that can let a tiny beam of light in. That’s all it takes. A tiny little pin-point of light can begin to shatter the hard, exterior walls ED has built.

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For me, it was singing.

Ever since I was a child, I have been a singer. In musicals, in choirs, into the hair brush to the bathroom mirror. I loved singing.

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I remember telling people that I feel most alive when I am on stage singing. That there is a part of my spirit which can only be tapped into when I am singing.

And when I was in my anorexia, that part of me was suppressed. It died. I didn’t sing. Didn’t listen to music. Didn’t even really use my voice at all except during fights with loved ones over intake or inpatient or my future.

And it wasn’t until I got to inpatient, where we had chapel every single day with praise and worship music, that I began to use my voice again. I began to sing.

And it was singing those songs about Jesus and how much He loves us, and using my voice, that I slowly began to remember who I was.

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My voice was the “horcrux” ((Harry Potter geek!!)) that enabled the lifeless, soulless, ED-controlled me to get a teeny-tiny glimpse of the “old” me. The me that was free from the tortured reality of anorexia. The me that loved other people, and loved myself, and found joy in life and joy in bringing light to other people.

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It brought me out of the darkness and began to chip away at the walls I had built.

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The episode in particular, was the song, “Here I am to Worship” and the line was “I’ll never know how much it cost to see my sin upon that cross.” To see my eating disorder upon that cross. To see my lying and manipulation and rage and hurtful remarks yelled in anger — my anorexia — was on the cross. Jesus died to forgive me of that. To take it away because He loves me.

And He loves you too. All those things are on the cross for you as well.

After I sang those lyrics, I smiled for the first time in a year and a half. Literally. I genuinely smiled. And did a sort of laugh-cry, because I knew I was forgiven, and it was the “old me” reentering my ED-possessed body. That’s when things changed and I truly embraced recovery. Embraced life. Embraced me. 

People lose themselves all the time. Maybe it’s not an ED that is the culprit. Perhaps you’ve become lost in your job, or with the wrong crowd, or caught in a cycle of depression – this reaches far beyond EDs. Finding yourself is important to staying true to who you are and true to Whose you are. 🙂

So now, it is with great nervousness, that I share with you my voice.

It is a cover of the song, “I Shall Not Want” by Audry Assad, who I look up to so much.

I know it is cheesy, but I try to sing at least two or three times a week, just to myself in my apartment, as a way to stay connected with my “old” self. And if I’m being honest, when I am singing is when I feel closest to God. It is my form of prayer and worship.

I invite you to just read the lyrics if you don’t want to listen.

This song reminds me that in Jesus, there is nothing that I should want for. No worries about body image, or weight, or having the perfect this or that, or any other burden that is pressing on my spirit. Jesus frees me from all those anxieties. And He will for you too.

So without further ado:

https://soundcloud.com/user-907976754/shall-not-want-cover

From the love of my own comfort
From the fear of having nothing
From a life of worldly passions
Deliver me O God

From the need to be understood
From the need to be accepted
From the fear of being lonely
Deliver me O God
Deliver me O God

And I shall not want, I shall not want
When I taste Your goodness I shall not want
When I taste Your goodness I shall not want

From the fear of serving others
From the fear of death or trial
From the fear of humility
Deliver me O God
Deliver me O God

And I shall not want, I shall not want
When I taste Your goodness I shall not want

No, I shall not want, I shall not want
When I taste Your goodness I shall not want

When I taste Your goodness I shall not want

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134 responses to “Remember Who You Are”

  3. The word ‘soul’ is psyche in Greek. It quite literally means ‘mind’. In the Bible riches are truths and all things are measured by worth. So then ask yourself ‘ Where does my worth lie? In the value of things that fill the hungers of storehouse of the soul, our in the selling of your treasures to purchase empty things?’ The selling of your soul to the devil is the trading away the goodness of your understanding for an illusion of control. One can not serve both morality and control. So I am pleased that you have found the light of truth and understanding and saved your soul/mind from the prison of darkness called ignorance believing in the illusion of control. Thank you for sharing your trust riches and making the world a more worthy place to live.

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    • Gosh thank you so much. You’re right on the money. I was reading away my true self for ED, who only wanted to steal, kill and destroy. Quite literally. Praise to Jesus that He saved me! Thanks for stopping by☺️

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  4. Hey!!!
    friend!! i have deleted my blog… because at the moment the job i have its not such a wise decision to have one… but i am still following the blog’s i subscribed to. This is probably very public.. but then so is your blog… i recently moved to a new place and it has been really lonely out here, just kind of lost in my own thought’s and just what’s going on around me, surprisingly as same as you i like to sing but i also sing sad song’s when im feeling sad…. and that’s literally what i have been doing… also looking for someone to fill that void… cause its just so lonely!!. i heard your voice and it made me feel better!! you sing really well.

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  6. WOW! Thank you for sharing – what a blessing you are!
    Your visit to my blog was no mistake. I have a friend I am trying to help. I can see how much pain she is in, and I feel terribly inadequate to help her. I am humbled that she even shared with me her struggle with ED. I have been praying for God to help me and give me wisdom to understand her struggles…then I found your site. Thank you and GOD BLESS YOU!

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    • Thank you so much, Pastor Jim. It is my prayer that you and she can find some comfort here. ED is a robber that comes to steal, kill and destroy. Jesus is the way out. May your friend come to find her worth in Him. That is the ticket. 🙂 Thank you for your encouragement!

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  7. Another beautiful post that resonates so much with me. I struggled with bulimia for years – few of which were after I became a Christian. And yes, as you said the only way I was able to break free was by remembering and clinging to the person God says I am in Him. I am His daughter…what else matters? What else do I need to define me? Thanks for sharing your heart. I know it can be a hard thing to do sometimes. I sure God is using you to touch many lives. ((hug))

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  8. Beautiful….May your voice always transfer the joy of the Lord from his heart to yours . May your voice to transport strength, hope, healing and upliftment the ears of hearts of those God will put in your path.

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      • I love your voice! I released my first song “Rise Up Children”….I’m using what I have…not because I think I’m all that . ..but using what I have as a messenger of hope. Even in our struggles we can strengthen others.

  10. I have never struggled with an ED, but I own a transcription company and have an ED center as one of my clients. While my J.O.B. is transcribing, because I am a Christian, I feel that my real job is to pray for those persons whose lives I get to see a little glimpse into. Admittedly, because this disease seems so daunting, I have found myself praying less and less for these souls, so first, thank you for sharing your story, it has given me a renewed hope to continue praying because the Lord DOES hear, and you are evidence that this struggle can be overcome, not through man’s means, but through God’s means!

    And secondly I find it FAR from cheesy that singing is when you feel closest to God. I have sung on our praise team for many years, and it has been especially in those moments where my relationship with the Lord has grown the deepest and the most … where He has revealed himself to me in a way I still cannot put into words, but singing to me is as well one of the greatest forms of prayer and worship I have to offer the Lord, so I “get” what you are saying … or singing!!! 

    While I do not know you, I am proud of you for not only sharing your triumphant story, but for sharing your beautiful voice with those who come across your blog. I am thankful for your heart that says despite the possibility of being rejected, I am laying it out there for the world to see because you understand that God can and is using your story uniquely for HIS purpose and to His glory! God bless you!!

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    • Gosh, thank you so much for such beautiful and encouraging words. I can definitely tell that you have the same worship experience when singing! Definitely the HS at work there:) and yes prayer is a powerful thing! Blessings to you, friend😊

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  13. It is hard to bare your soul to the world. I commend you for doing that. I know you can help those who are going through the trails and tribulations of anorexia. You have a very lovely, calming voice. And yes the answer to everything is Jesus.

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  14. Praise and Worship music helps me everyday too. We are all wounded and need to place ourselves in the loving arms of Jesus.Continue my dear child in courage and fortitude you are running the race well and it seems that many are following you, along the right path. Thank you for sharing your soul for it is lovely to behold!!!

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  15. I love this piece and that’s how I feel about my blog as well. But yes sometimes we get deeper in our blogs and want to let people know more within our blogs and hope that people accept it and luckily most of those who follow us (and in my experience all that do) love us or they would not follow us. And if they don’t you just block them or remove them, LOL 🙂

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  17. I’m really drawn in here. When you said you were going to sing, I had a gut feeling your voice would be gentle, and set my heart at the feet of Christ. So I was right.

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  18. I can completely relate to this post. Like you said, anorexia makes you become a shell of your former self. I was a shell, a complete, lifeless shell, but singing brought me back to life again. Every time I end up being inpatient, it is singing that motivates me towards recovery. I sing with my church choir twice a week, and I missed it so much when I was in hospital, and that is what encouraged me to get ‘better’ each time. I really feel I can relate to you in this post lovely! Thank you so much for making me feel less alone! Take care xx

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    • Thank you sweet friend. Yes there’s something about singing that really releases your soul and frees your spirit! Cheesy but true! So glad you’ve found an outlet for singing! Thanks for stopping by ☺️ hugs!

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  20. Hi, dear one. Thank you for visiting me. I’ve listened to your song and read a bunch of your posts, too. What a lovely voice! Maybe you might consider posting a daily song of praise on your site? Hearing your voice each day would be a huge blessing. Meanwhile, many blessings to you; praising God for meet you.

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    • Oh my gosh GerorgetownRose, how kind of you to say! I will definitely prayerfully consider that:) thank for you stopping by and listening and reading and just for being a bright spot of encouragement. Blessings to you!

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  22. So true that i’m crying my eyes out reading this, but I went too far and now lost the beautiful young woman I fell head over heels for, complete ruined our relationship, my god, my family and church family are all i have keeping me going now.my selfishness wasnt worth all this heartache. love you sister I thank god for giving us such a kind and loving human being xx

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  23. Everything you have just written on this blog post today (well yesterday since that is the date you published it) can only be described as pure poetry or purely poetic. As with any past disorder, anorexia can be a painful experience to confront when one no longer has a problem. However, based on what I read today and in your other posts, you handle it with both total courage and grace 🙂 What is also true about this blog entry is that Jesus does play a major role spiritually in one’s own recovery, which is what a lot of my friends have told me about anyone who has to confront past experiences relating to either a disease, a disorder or a highly traumatic event. That is also very interesting that you loved to sing (I bet you always received standing ovations 🙂 Also, I do not think the song you love that you showed us (I listened to it) is corny at all (maybe that is how the artists wants to express herself). Also, I feel that sentiment is sincere when the artist actually feels that way. Their is a song I love to listen to regularly whenever I am upset entitled “Tonight is What it means to be Young” which is from a cult classic from 1984 called “Streets of Fire” (you can youtube it) and the lyric “were dancing for the restless and the broken-hearted” always brings these tears of joy out of me for some reason. Anyway, keep up the great work as always 🙂

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    • Gosh thank you so much john. I am humbled by your words. Thank you I for your encouragement and positivity and for reading and listening! I appreciate you taking time out of your day to do that:) I have a feeling I wasn’t clear in my post – I love Audry’s song…I don’t think it’s cheesy at all! I meant that I know singing to myself alone in my apartment three times a week sounds cheesy 😁😂😂😂 oopsies! Anyway, thank you for stopping by. Blessings to you and yours

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  26. Reading the lyrics: my heart just stopped at ‘from the need to be understood’: currently in this phase ..so praying to be delivered! So gd to share

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  28. Gosh, once again I am struck by your courage, captivated by your beauty. Every time I read your blog – and now to hear your voice audibly not just in the words you write – I can see why Father God loves you! God has been gracious enough to grant me the gift of discernment and it blesses me so much because it means I can see your true spirit shining through every word whether written or sung. I’m so excited to have joined you on your journey and I very much look forward to watching what comes next. It is like the anticipation at the start of spring: when the first flowers start to push up through the cold ground, the first buds appear on bare twigs, and you just KNOW that coming up is an explosion of colour, heady scents and the glory that is the summer sun. Be blessed my friend x

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    • Oh thank you so much. My heart is so warm after reading such kind words. That is a beautiful image that you paint, and that is my prayer as well. God is good and through Him anything is possible! Thanks again for taking the time to read and listen and respond. I am so incredibly grateful. Blessings and lobe to you, friend. Xx

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  29. Thank you for sharing this with us! I believe it serves us all well to remember who we are, as we all get lost in some form or fashion as we go through this journey called life. Even if there is a point where we just cannot even fathom who we are anymore, we can always remember whose we are.

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    • Thank you so much! Yes God is very good. I’d rather not say, as I am trying to keep this anonymous (at least for now) Im sorry! But I went to a residential treatment facility that specializes in EDs for 3 months. Thanks for stopping by. Blessings to you❤️❤️

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    • Oh my gosh thank you so much! You are so kind:) and I just read your comment on sound cloud! Thank you for that 😍 I love that idea of lending your voice back to the Lord. Amen!! Thanks for being awesome 👍

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  34. Had to listen to it a couple times. When I listen to your voice, it just reminds me of how simply beautiful God is, and what mighty work he can accomplish. Truly, none among has can even comprehend his scale. Thank you for sharing your gift! May you find blessing from it!

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    • Oh my gosh. Thank you so much! Seriously that is such a kind thing to say! My heart is just glowing with warmth and gratitude right now. God is good and if it’s anything it’s all Him 😋 thank you for being a source of kindness tonight as I fall asleep and read this. Blessings and love to you Haley

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  36. Beautiful, thank you for exposing yourself …And I think there is nothing to forgive, we are loved no matter what we do or fail to .., or maybe to forgive ourselves for not loving and neglecting our inner child
    .best wishes

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  42. There is freedom in the name of Jesus! Like you, I found freedom from a deadly ED when I realized my identity in Jesus! When I realized who I was, God’s child, created perfectly and beautifully, I was able to break the chains of anorexia and bulimia. It’s very encouraging to read about someone else who found their freedom through Jesus! Keep singing for Him!

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  46. This is beautiful and brave. I know what it is like to lose yourself. For me, it was also creativity that brought me back. It was singing and dancing and remembering my love for performance. We are creative beings and when we suppress our creativity, a part of us dies. When we begin to find ourselves again, it is like taking the largest inhale you have ever taken – like after an eternity of holding your breath. It can be feel scary and overwhelming but there is nothing more beautiful. Thanks for sharing. <3

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  48. When I saw your post title I was so happy. And then to hear your beautiful singing it was even better! You see, as part of my story I’ve been writing, I came up with a theme song to encompass what it’s all about. That song just so happens to be titled ‘Remember Who You Are’! I have already recorded it, but want to do some revising before posting it. I’d love to share it with you as soon as it’s done. And hey… keep on doing what your doing.

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  49. I love the honesty and authenticity in this post. It is so true that the moment we forget who we are most important who we are in Christ we get knocked down by life so hard to a point where we don’t even know how to smile. I too recently went through something similar where i couldn’t even smile, even talking was so hard BUT Jesus healed me of what was bothering me at the time. And like you I love singing and i have been singing and worshiping Him like crazy since then.

    God bless you and may you continue to walk in the freedom that Christ died for.

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    • Hello again, friend:) I just wanted to say thank you for reading and responding on these posts this morning! Your words have seriously been so encouraging. I’m starting my week of with a smile on my face:) and I have you to thank for that:) I’m sorry to hear that you endured a trial recently. I’m so glad that you found healing. God is good, isn’t He? It’s always a comfort to know we are in the palm of his hand and he will work everything together for good. Keep singing, friend! I honestly believe that God loves it when we song to him! ☺️☺️ thanks again for your loving responses and friendship! Hugs and blessings to you and yours! Xx

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  51. Beauty, that was …*sigh* I can just lay back, close my eyes and listen to your voice. I’m trying to think of words to say how your voice makes me feel. I’ll just…*sigh* Thank you for putting yourself out here so bravely. It’s…a blessing.

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    • Oh my gosh Jeffrey. Thank you:) thank you for being such a great friend and encourager. It means more than you will ever know. His was one of the scariest posts to push publish on. Thanks for being so affirming.

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      • Well, I’m just glad to contribute. When I was college instructor and then a corporate trainer, I realized God made me to help others make their lives better. Everyone is always so angry anymore; I just try to compliment sincerely and support honest effort. If you’ve had a chance to check my “Shallow End of the Gene Pool,” part of the summary is how, no matter how much we give, God returns more. The post is the story of my bypass surgery; how it all went down. After commenting with you, I thought it might be a worthwhile thing to share. THANK YOU for inspiring me to write it down!

  52. I loved your personal story, would have liked to have listened to you singing, but the cloud sound didn’t work for me – have you got a video on YouTude I could watch?

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