No, this isn’t a commentary on Meghan Trainor’s song.
Take me on a date.
I deserve it, babe.
And don’t forget the flowers every anniversary.
Cuz if you treat me right
I’ll be the perfect wife
Buy-buying what you need.
And frankly, I’m not a huge fan of Miss Trainor, period, given her distasteful and inconsiderate remarks regarding anorexia. For those that don’t know, when asked in an interview about her “body positive” song, All About That Bass, she so eloquently said,
“I wasn’t strong enough to have an eating disorder…I tried to go anorexic for a good three hours. I ate ice and celery, but that’s not even anorexic. And I quit. I was like, ‘Ma, can you make me a sandwich? Like, immediately.’”
“Go anorexic?!” There are no. words. that give justice to the degree of insensitivity and ignorance uttered in that statement.
So the thought of allowing another person to love me has been an area of my life that I have pushed aside for a long time, feeling as though I was unworthy. But through realizing that I, in fact, do have worth, simply for being a child of God, I have decided to slowly crack that door open and be open to love. Maybe not actively seeking it, but I will be open to the possibility of it.
So, this letter is something that is on my heart that I thought I would share with my favorite people:)
Dear Future Husband,
I do not know who you are yet, but I want you to know that you’re in my heart. My heart, which for a long time has been closed to love, is slowly opening up to that idea. Like a flower blooming towards the sun.
Even though I do not know your face or your name, I feel close to you. Because I pray for you every day.
I pray that, wherever you are in the world, you are being shaped into who you’re made to be. The man after God’s heart.
And I pray that my heart is being prepared to love you, and to receive your love.
You see, there’s something that you need to know about me.
It is hard for me to accept love.
From myself, from others, and, yes, you.
But I am praying for God to transform my heart so that I will be able to receive it fully.
And I know that He will. I know that once my heart is ready for that, I will meet you, and want to give my heart to you completely.
There’s something else that I want you to know.
I love you.
Sitting here in 2015, I love you — you — whom I do not know.
And my love for you is not just an idea. It is an action.
An action that I live out, everyday. You see, I am saving myself for you.
Is that hard to do? Yes. Is it a sacrifice on a lot of levels? Yes.
I love you enough to wait.
I love myself enough to wait.
In learning to love myself for who I am, I have realized that I truly am precious. Worthy. Enough. And I am worth waiting for. I love myself enough that I am not going to give the amazing gift that I am to just anyone. I am going to save it for you.
Because you are my husband. The man who I will love forever. The man who I will stand and unite with before God.
Lastly, I want you to know that I’m broken goods.
I have been put back together, but I am fragile. And there will be some days that are harder than others.
It is in those times that I ask for patience. Recovery is something that you cannot do for me. Only I can do it. Only He can do it.
So I just ask that you love me through those tough times.
Marriage is a beautiful union. One that is forever. You. Me. And God.
An adventure that I look forward to. An exciting chapter that is yet to come.
Your future wife