Dear Future Husband

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No, this isn’t a commentary on Meghan Trainor’s song.

Although, albeit catchy as hell, if you actually read the lyrics, you’ll find that it’s all about making “her man” buy her things and treat her like royalty, and basically bow down to her.

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Take me on a date.
I deserve it, babe.
And don’t forget the flowers every anniversary.
Cuz if you treat me right
I’ll be the perfect wife
Buying groceries
Buy-buying what you need.

#NotAmused

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And frankly, I’m not a huge fan of Miss Trainor, period, given her distasteful and inconsiderate remarks regarding anorexia. For those that don’t know, when asked in an interview about her “body positive” song, All About That Bass, she so eloquently said,

“I wasn’t strong enough to have an eating disorder…I tried to go anorexic for a good three hours. I ate ice and celery, but that’s not even anorexic. And I quit. I was like, ‘Ma, can you make me a sandwich? Like, immediately.’”

“Go anorexic?!” There are no. words. that give justice to the degree of insensitivity and ignorance uttered in that statement.

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But anyways. That’s not what this post is about. So I’m going to take a deep breath and count to ten and let go of the fumes that are building up at that thoughtlessness.

Okay.

As you know I am very single. But for someone recovering from an eating disorder, love and, frankly, intimacy, are delicate areas.

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Because the entirety of my recovery journey has been learning to love myself. And further to that, learning to receive love.

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So the thought of allowing another person to love me has been an area of my life that I have pushed aside for a long time, feeling as though I was unworthy. But through realizing that I, in fact, do have worth, simply for being a child of God, I have decided to slowly crack that door open and be open to love. Maybe not actively seeking it, but I will be open to the possibility of it.

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So, this letter is something that is on my heart that I thought I would share with my favorite people:)

Dear Future Husband,

I do not know who you are yet, but I want you to know that you’re in my heart. My heart, which for a long time has been closed to love, is slowly opening up to that idea. Like a flower blooming towards the sun.

Even though I do not know your face or your name, I feel close to you. Because I pray for you every day.

I pray that, wherever you are in the world, you are being shaped into who you’re made to be. The man after God’s heart.

And I pray that my heart is being prepared to love you, and to receive your love.

You see, there’s something that you need to know about me.

It is hard for me to accept love.

From myself, from others, and, yes, you.

But I am praying for God to transform my heart so that I will be able to receive it fully.

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And I know that He will. I know that once my heart is ready for that, I will meet you, and want to give my heart to you completely.

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There’s something else that I want you to know.

I love you.

Sitting here in 2015, I love you — you — whom I do not know.

And my love for you is not just an idea. It is an action.

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An action that I live out, everyday. You see, I am saving myself for you.

Is that hard to do? Yes. Is it a sacrifice on a lot of levels? Yes.

But…

I love you enough to wait.

I love myself enough to wait.

In learning to love myself for who I am, I have realized that I truly am precious. Worthy. Enough. And I am worth waiting for. I love myself enough that I am not going to give the amazing gift that I am to just anyone. I am going to save it for you.

Because you are my husband. The man who I will love forever. The man who I will stand and unite with before God.

Lastly, I want you to know that I’m broken goods.

I have been put back together, but I am fragile. And there will be some days that are harder than others.

It is in those times that I ask for patience. Recovery is something that you cannot do for me. Only I can do it. Only He can do it.

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So I just ask that you love me through those tough times.

Marriage is a beautiful union. One that is forever. You. Me. And God.

An adventure that I look forward to. An exciting chapter that is yet to come.

So until the day we meet, I will continue to pray for you and love you with my body, mind and spirit. And I will continue to pursue God’s heart as He transforms mine for yours.

Love,

Your future wife

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158 responses to “Dear Future Husband”

  2. Oh man this made me happy!!! i feel it’s so good to see pure innocence…. not in a bad sense but i mean like i guess in a good way!! to hope for the best in everything… make’s me happy
    I actually liked meghan trainor song…. cause if you saw me i have fat… was rejected a lot for that… but i cannot believe she said that… it’s crazy…. anyway i just thought i would update you on my life… so i have been attending this church for a couple of week’s.. and i thought i had finally found a home… but today i went for “the story” of how the church got started.. etc etc.. and to be in a city group or other group i have to sit through another one.. which i really don’t mind its just there is this deep thought in me that i just want to receive and not give… like all i want is to have good friends to hang out with and support me… and lead me in the right direction… and i feel like i have to do something to be part of that.. and there are barely any student’s there… and i feel like i really want the blessing’s without having to pour in..

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    • Thank you so much. 😊 you’re right finding community is so important. Especially one where you have a shared faith. Perhaps try volunteering somewhere that interests you! That way you’d meet like minded people! Thanks for the update! Hugs and love to you xx

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  3. It is always great to read a new post from you and this one is as beautiful as the other ones that I have read 🙂 The letter of the title blog entry perfectly sums up (based on my observations of close friends) the feelings that somebody has in their dreams of meeting their future love. As for that Meghan Trainor song, this is the first time I actually heard of both the artist and the song, but based on her lyrics of the song, it sounds like third-rate rhyming and If that interview shows her true colors of how she sees people struggling with anorexia than she is in big trouble indeed in regards to sensitivity. Anyway, keep up the great work as always and as usual, I look forward to all your future posts 🙂

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    • Thank you so much John. Yeah I didn’t mean to tag on Meghan, but the comment was insensitive and hurtful. But thank you for your encouraging comment. I have hope that this man will come into my life one day. Thanks for stopping by! Blessings to you

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  5. My first prayer as a new Christian was that God would send someone to love me. Soon, I met my husband, of 37 years now, and he has been the face of unconditional love in my life. When it is time, God will bring the right man into your life. God bless.

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  9. This is beautifully said and right on point. I’ve been married almost five years but I wish I had made letter writing to my husband a habit. Thank you for your thoughts.

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  10. Beautiful post – thanks so much for sharing your heart and keeping such a tender place in your life for your future husband. I pray he appreciates your commitment, sacrifice and love.

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  11. Beautiful letter to your future husband. I am 28 and have struggled with self harm since I was 13. I don’t say that to say I know what you are going through or feeling. I just wanted to share that even in the midst of my struggle, when I felt I was so spiritually ugly and unlovable, not to mention the cuts and scars all over me. God brought me my husband. He knew my struggle and loved me anyway. Because of him I was able to give it up for a few years. Due to some unexpected life struggles that keep weighing me down, unfortunately I’m back in full force combat with my vice, and it’s been winning the last few months. I still have a loving God and I still have a loving husband, who also loves God. He is not perfect, and struggles to understand self harm, but he is my husband and loves me, and doesn’t want to see me hurt. Just know that when you pray for your husband God is preparing him to love you. Don’t be afraid to let the right man in. Know that he will love you even in your struggle and you will do the same for him. It is worth letting your husband in. You will be a team and can work together and get stronger together. It is so hard to learn how to love yourself, I still haven’t fully learned. But it’s worth learning. God Bless.

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    • Thank you so much for sharing this. It sounds like your marriage is a beautiful union. Im sorry that things are difficult recently. Thankfully we have a loving God that will see us through everything. And praise God for that. Thanks again for your encouragement and support. Sending love and prayers to you, friend.

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  12. My wife and I have been married for 32 years and leaning on one another has been and continues to be a core strength of our union. Your keen self-awareness as expressed in this letter will certainly serve both you and your future husband well…as will your total commitment to him and to God.

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  14. Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts, because I know it likely isn’t an easy thing to do. I am sure your future husband is out there waiting, thinking of you as well! Learning to love yourself fully is not an easy task, I am not there yet either, and you are right to look inwards for love before looking for another.

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  16. I can completely relate to this post. I struggled with anorexia as a young teeanger. Growing up in a broken home of no faith, with an emotionally absent mother, a physically abusive alcoholic father, the only thing I had control over was food… or so I thought. That got out of hand too, but I was clinging to it so hard, for it was my only comfort! Until the doctor told me that she would have me placed in the hospital, if I had lost more weight the next week as well. That scared me to my deepest! The thought of having that one thing taken away and being forced to eat. But she probably saved my life with that statement.

    God had to, and still is, mend was broken in me as well–one being able to receive love. I had grown up without it and everything in our home had to be earned, including receiving love. So I fully understand this post! But thanks be to God, for nothing is impossible with Him! He is able to mend all and give us beauty for ashes.

    God bless you! I pray that you will continue to be an encouragement through your posts to girls going through the struggles of living with an eating disorder. You’re doing a great and courageous work. Keep it up! 🙂

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    • Thank you so much for sharing this. I’m so sorry that you had to endure that growing up. But how wonderful that you found strength and love in our Heavenly Father. That really is the only way to get through this life, knowing that no matter what we are loved and precious and good, all because of Him. Thanks so much for your encouragement and for sharing your heart this morning. Blessings to you xx

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  18. Perhaps you are “broken goods”, but only as chips on a precious vessel. You have so much to offer your husband–honesty, soul-beauty, faithfulness. And you will learn to love well, since you walk close beside Love Himself. We can’t help but become like the Lord Jesus as we walk with Him.

    Lovely letter.

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  19. To realize we are broken goods and still deserve love is a very good first step. It can be where fear dissolves to faith… when one places their trust in God alone. What the world calls ‘blind faith’ is what I call confirmation in God’s desire to have those who say they believe in Him to trust what God has revealed to us in His word- through the Holy Spirit. Please know that I’m a broken vessel too… one God has seen fitting to use for His glory.

    I have a piece of writing, one entitled,”Lean we, the pendulum, to bitter or better?”©, and you can find this link to my ‘Christian Blog’ here ( https://wordsthathavemeaning.wordpress.com/ ).

    This is an inspired piece… one to tell the hurting world I’m just like them. I’m an ‘incest survivor’… one that God placed in His hands and allowed me the discomfort of body, mind and soul- only to find Him always there when I need Him most. I hope you will read my story here too. You are not alone in ‘your brokenness’… and God can do nothing with us until we are in this condition- left with the choice to ‘step out in faith’ on what God says is true.

    God has a man of compassion just for you, one that will understand just how fragile we truly are, and yet… strong in His love. Find the strength He has carries us in our weakness and seeks to perfect us if we but believe. Stay strong Sister!

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    • Thank you for such a beautiful comment friend. I appreciate the encouragement and support. Yes, God is so good and how comforting is it to know that He strengthens and upholds us. Thanks for sharing your heart this morning. I look forward to reading your piece. Blessings to you

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  20. Beautiful.

    You, however, are not broken goods. We are the sum of our experiences, no more and no less. All we have seen, heard, spoken and done has made us who we are on an eternal, unbroken feedback loop.

    On your case, you are strong, intelligent, balanced and deeply courageous. Indeed, one might comment that you are as far from broken as it is possible to be in this world.

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  23. You are a wonderful woman with a beautiful heart! Any guy would be blessed (yes, blessed) to have you as his life partner and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

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  25. Well this was just precious. Seriously, my eyes might have watered a tad bit. You are a beautiful soul who deserves a beautiful love. I wish more young people (yes, boys AND girls) felt this way as well!

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  26. This made me teary a little, your message to your future husband is beautiful. Also, I recently commented on weight shaming in the anorexic direction in a post called “weight shaming gets you unfollowed” (and got someone weight shaming in the comments while claiming to agree with me!!! People just don’t get it. It’s not cool. Period. I didn’t waste my bad internet connection arguing with her) and I discussed (briefly) Meghan Trainor. I don’t know how she can call herself body positive, she’s clearly got some sort of insecurity when she’s hating on “them skinny bitches” (her words in her lyrics).

    I didn’t personally ever intend to save myself for marriage, I guess my path was different (although I’m married now so it’s a little moot), but I was 23 when I started seeing the man who was my first actual boyfriend (ignoring a few terrible dates – I went with my gut and never continued to see someone who wasn’t “right” for me despite pressure from relatives to “settle down with someone”) and he later became my husband, and it was my first long term relationship, so it can and does happen! Good luck!

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    • Thank you so much Jasmine. i appreciate your comment! I will definitely check out your piece. It’s sad, really. Body shaming comments, no matter what shape, size, or color, that’s being “ragged on” is just plain old mean. It actually breaks my heart. Why tear people down when you can love them instead? We’re all beautiful souls, no matter what body we’re in! Thanks for stopping by! blessings and love to you! xoxo

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    • Thanks Floey. Yeah, not Meghan’s greatest moment. I have to remember that we all have put out foot in our mouth once or twice. Still, as a public figure, it was grossly insensitive and offensive. Anyway, as t swift says, I gotta shake it off 😊 thanks for stopping by!

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  29. You are an honorable woman. You have expressed your heart in a way that most people never even consider. I was married for 32 years and my she was disabled for 18 of those years. She and I had many battles through the years because she felt I would be better off with someone else and towards the end, I feel, she was doing all she could to drive me away because she was so full of anger. Full of anger because she felt life had cheated her, or her body had cheated her and she struck out. After she passed away I was like, “Now what do I do?” After a time, when my coworkers told me I needed to “get back out there because I was getting mean as hell” I joined ChristianMingle.com and started trying to find a companion. I had thought about a lot of things since my first wife passed away and one of the things that cause us so much problems was things we had both been through that the other one knew nothing about so I had decided that if I did find someone before we were married we would go through Christian pre-marital councelling first. I met a lady about 150 miles from where I lived and long story short after a while talking on line we decided to meet. We selected a restaurant about half way between. She had been in a emotionally abusive 20 year marriage.
    She had been working with special-needs children in the school system for years. When we met I did my best to put her at ease. We were together for about 3 hours that day both at the restaurant and at a close by park. I told her before anything “intimate” COULD happen three things had to happen. First I had to be completely and absolutely sure she was “the one”, second we had to go through Christian pre-marital councelling together, and third we had to be married. She was suprised at my condition because that, in her words, “wasn’t what she had experienced by other men on the Christian Mingle site”. We just celebrated out third wedding anniversary. 🙂
    You made a statement in your letter the is stellar: “You. Me. And God.” I liked that as I had told my wife (current) that she would NEVER be number one in my life she would always be number two because God is always first. In scripture Solomon says: “Ecclesiastes 4:12New International Version (NIV)

    12 Though one may be overpowered,
    two can defend themselves.
    A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.”
    Wait on God He has the person for you. I myself strongly suggest councelling together with a councellor that doesn’t know either one of you so there will be no preconceived thoughts. God bless you in ALL your hand finds to do.

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    • Oh my gosh Eric thank you for sharing this. First of all, I’m sorry to hear of your first wife’s passing. Losing a loved one one is so tough and I can’t imagine the degree that’s heightened to when it’s your spouse. Secondly, what a beautiful story of how you and your current wife met! I’m so glad you both found happiness. And it gives me great hope. Lastly, k love that: a chord of three is not quickly broken. How very true indeed. Thanks for stopping by and for sharing your heart. I appreciate it so much and find such joy on reading your insight! Have a great day!

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  33. Forgive yourself. You are beautiful but need to forgive yourself. It is a cathartic and spiritual experience to receive forgiveness from those that love you. I pray you find internal peace and see your husband’s acceptance as forgiveness.

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    • Thank you. You’re right forgiveness, especially of self is a beautiful thing. I do indeed know that I have been forgiven. It is that knowledge that gives me peace. I know that God will bring the right man into my life one day😊 hopefully soon! 😍thanks for stopping by

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  35. Wow, those are almost the same exact thoughts and prayers I had for my yet to meet husband! Let me just encourage you by saying God listens; He gives us the yearnings in our hearts ,,,Those that are pure anyway. 🙂 My husband and I celebrated our 35th Anniversary in August. Marriage is made up of two good communicators, not such an easy task at times! Also, a good marriage is made with Jesus right smack dab in the middle of your marriage. You’ll need Jesus to have the ability to forgive, love when those days your mate might not seem so very loveable and to not be selfish.

    ~Wishing you the best in all you do!

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  36. Good For You!!!!
    So much I’d like to tell you, but not publicly.
    You are one in way over a million, and you will always be in my prayers.
    I hope you don’t mind the advice:
    Find a friend, and I don’t mean to go looking. I am always looking for a friend(I test communication with attention-getting non-important things, and it most times never gets any further)
    I have to say this: NEVER allow one lie, one cuss word, nor one physical or mental thing abusive.
    You should be a 50-50 partner, in a marriage where some days you will shoulder most of the total burden, and some days he will do the same.
    I always send All Good Things Your Way.
    Robert

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  38. Awesome posts! You definitely are awesome. It’s hard to share such personal stuff! Keep doing what you do! I do have to ask how do you do your pictures? (You don’t have to say if you don’t want to) I am new to blogging and cannot get my pictures to look awesome.

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  39. Thank you , this was a wonderful start to my Friday ! As a person in 12 step recovery from addiction I totally get letting someone else love me. I had to learn how to love myself as you have discussed but it was still difficult to allow or accept another’s love. What if they find out about my “dark side” ? After 23 years I can still struggle with this.God Bless

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    • Thanks for sharing this Mike. You’re right, it is scary and definitely takes a lot of self love to be open and vulnerable with another person. Day by day we’ll get there 🙂 thanks so much for stopping by! Blessings to you

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  40. Your part about broken goods, your not broken goods at all. Your Gods princess whom he loves so dearly and as the bible says he put you together in the whomb way before anyone laid eyes on you, judged you or even disliked you. God Loved you then and he still loves you now and he sure ain’t saying your broken goods. So walk with that confidence please. Thank You great writing you have a great gift well done. God Bless

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    • Thank you so much Jason. I appreciate such kind words so much. You’re right. We are all children of the King. And should live in that truth. Thanks for such a beautiful reminder. Blessings to you

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  43. This is an awesome post! It really opened my eyes and made me realize that I need to be praying for my future wife. I mean she’s out there, facing struggles just like I am. I know she needs prayer because I definitely do. I really thought this was great. I wrote something this summer over what I learned about marriage and I was wondering if you could check it out and shed your perspective on that. Again, loved this post! https://austinkaigs.wordpress.com/2015/06/01/being-the-one/

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    • Thanks so much!! In so glad it struck a chord with you 🙂 I’ll definitely check out your post this weekend when I have a free minute. I’m shooting all week but I’ll have a chance this weekend! Thanks for stopping by! Blessings to you 🙂

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  47. Beautiful post! You are an amazing writer, and I love how you are using it to take a stand and speak up for those dealing with anorexia. You are doing a superb job (: Thanks for the like on my post! God bless.

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  48. I read this when you first posted it and since then i’ve been thinking about it. I agree with the other comments, it is beautifully written. As a man I’ve struggled with other things in life which cause me to feel that I am unlovable, especially by a woman. Perhaps God is preparing me for something great. Keep up your blogging, you’re definitely an encouragement to others. God Bless!

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    • Wow thank you so much Seb. That really means a lot. I’m glad this struck a chord with you. I definitely believe that Godvwill use everything -even our struggles- for good. So yes, Hes preparing your heart for something:) thanks for stopping by! Blessings

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  49. Love this post so much! You are worth waiting for and God has a wonderful man just for you. My husband and I waited until our wedding night. We waited for each other. And it is SO worth the wait. Stay encouraged, God is writing your love story. ❤️

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    • Thank you so much:) oh my gosh j absolutely love that image! I’ve never thought about God as the author of my love story but I absolutely love that thought! So true! And what a beautiful love story you and your husband have! 😍 thanks for stopping by and for the beautiful encouragement! Hugs!

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  51. I hope this verse isn’t insensitive – it’s not meant to be – it was a big encouragement to me when I felt so low 39 years ago.

    Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!

    2 Corinthians 5:17

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  52. That is so awesome that you wrote a letter like that. I’d also like to add your a strong woman m it takes so much to admit something like that. Hugs to you.

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  54. Thank you for the times you have liked Agnellusmirror. The posts of yours that I have read ring true – one very dear to me has turned countless corners on the way out of anorexia. She is working full-time as a teacher of 4-5 year olds, does a good job, and needs her meals to be able to do the job. One step at a time!

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    • Thank you so much! that’s great that your loved one is making strides on the recovery road! That is so so good to hear:) You’re absolutely right: one step at a time! Thanks for stopping by! have a great night!

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  55. Your letter made me cry, but not sad tears. As a mom of three sons, I have prayed for their future spouses since my boys were born. So far those prayers have been answered abundantly, twice. I am still praying for one unknown young woman. Keep praying and then pray some more for that future husband. Your life is a thing of beauty and everything you have gone through shapes who you are and will be used to God’s glory. He can take everything good, bad, and ugly and redeem it. I am fully confident that God has great plans for you and your future spouse. One of my favorite verses is Jeremiah 31:3, “For I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with unfailing kindness.” May you be blessed with that love today.

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    • Thank you so much for these encouraging words! It sounds like you are a great mom:) yes, I do believe that God can and will take my past and transform it. No pain or darkness is too much for God. He will work all things together for good. And thanks for sharing that verse. How beautiful and comforting. Thanks for stopping by! Hugs!

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  56. BEAUTY! I’m suddenly able to access you and other readers again! So relieved! Don’t know what changed except praying to regain access!

    So…I can relate to this one. I spent some very lonely years. I can remember physical hurt in my arms, I was so lonely for company, a hug. JUST A HUG!! But you know about my wife and family now. God has blessed me. He will bless you too. And, just on the off chance you don’t know this one, here “Haven’t Met You Yet”, recorded by Michal Buble’. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oBpvsSeBh54

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    • Hey Jeffrey! Oh good! I’m so glad! ☺️ thank you for this encouragement. I’m so glad things worked out well for you. God provides and has the best plan! Can’t wait to check it out. Thanks☺️ glad youre back ❤️❤️☺️ thanks as always for stopping by xox

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  58. I’ve written letters to my future husband too. Unfortunately, I trashed them a few years ago because I thought they were silly. Now I want them back lol! I also like that you call love an action, not a feeling. I have been dating for a year. Love is an action.

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    • Thank you so much! Yes, definitely an action! Aw I’m sorry you don’t have the letters anymore. Never to late to write another one ☺️☺️☺️ thanks for stopping by and for your kind words! Sending love and hugs xox

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  59. Eleora here. This is a little belated, but we’ve recently stumbled across your blog and just HAD to stop and comment on this. For a while now I’ve been struggling with the whole idea of boyfriends and whatnot (yay unrequited crushes; note sarcasm) and to compensate for this, God gave me the idea to write letters to my future husband as a way of focusing on God and what He has planned for me, since at the end of every letter (okay, email, because I get too tired to physically write it out) I include a prayer.

    Thank you, though, for the very timely reminder to continue looking at God and not focusing on the things of this world, because in honesty, I’ve been slipping lately. I guess that’s why they say that we gotta love God with all our strength, ‘cos it’s not easy. 😛

    So, thank you for this. Praying for you this end, that God will continue to use you, teach you, mould you, and guide you to become the woman He has made and called you to be. 🙂 <3

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  61. It is so hard to always know what our destiny is. We want to plan our life to go one way, but it goes an unexpected way.

    How do you know he’s the one?

    That was a beautiful letter. I hope you recognize your future husband when you meet him 🙂

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  64. Caralyn,
    Here we are 365+ days ago
    and you sent a message into space
    describing what you want(ed) and who you are (were).
    Are you the same woman today
    that you were on this particular post date? Not so fast . . .
    With all the video productions and love experiences
    and self revelations, it appears that a ‘no’ is more accurate.
    Your FH may appear on your doorstep
    but he will be looking for the “2015 you”
    the one who made the request. What then?
    Yes – God is in control. Yes – He keeps his promises.
    No – he cannot break a promise.
    Well . . . you did say you wanted God “to transform my heart so that I will be able to receive it (love) fully.”
    That’s His promise to you.
    🙂
    Angelic Secret: You will find what you are looking for when you stop looking for it.
    Just go about being the you who is “transforming.”
    When you are diligent about being / learning / creating / donating / volunteering / giving / building up the person you think you should be
    ****this is when**** God throws you curve balls for you to swing at.
    You can’t play the whole game in the Batter’s Box.
    <3

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  67. You have a great way with words. I am reading this two years later and am very touched by your stance on purity and love. It is great in a broken world and “free love” which is not free. God bless you and love you.

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