Healing Broken Relationships

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What is it about moms that they just speak a language that only their children can understand?

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Whether it be a look, a touch, a smile, or even just the way she breathes, moms have a special way of communicating love that transcends language, time, space, and age.

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So this past weekend my mom, AKA my best friend, visited me in NYC. And it was, in a word: magnificent.

But I’m not going to bore you with the specifics. Yes, we “did up” Broadway. Yes, we ate some delicious food and went shopping, and had beautiful “heart to hearts” over wine. That’s all well and good. But that’s not the point of this post.

What I want to talk to you about is relationships. Specifically broken relationships.

Because for as incredibly close as my mom and I are now, there was a period of time (during my anorexia) when our relationship was full of pain.

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Eating disorders strangle you, and force you to push everyone out of your life, so as to make it your sole focus.

One of the most tragic things for the loved ones is having to watch their daughter (or son) or friend or sister literally waste away, physically, mentally, emotionally, socially, and spiritually, and not be able to do anything about it.

They feel their hands are tied: unable to get her to eat. To listen. To break free. And all the while, they’re desperate to keep her alive.

So naturally, this puts a lot of stress on the relationship.Interactions consist of flared arguments over calories and intake, and inpatient and food and the future and you name it. Everyone’s on a short fuse. And everyone is hurting.

And eating disorders aren’t the only culprit for strained relationships: financial issues, worries of infidelity, not seeing eye to eye on important issues, feeling hurt or judged, stresses from life, holding a grudge, jealousy, comparison — all these things can contribute to brokenness and rocky relationships.

And if any of that sounds slightly familiar, here’s what I want you to hear tonight:

Broken relationships can heal.

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My mom and I have always been best friends. Ever since childhood, she has always been my biggest fan, and I, hers. We’ve taken mother-daughter trips, pulled pranks on one another, shared our hearts with each other, and loved each other. Our hearts, quite honestly, were one.

But during my disease, I completely abused that love. I lied to her. Flat out. All the time. About my eating disorder, intake, exercise, whereabouts, etc. I would explode in rage at her. I would manipulate her. Push her love away.

And yet, today, we are right where we left off. Back as best friends. Back as one heart in two bodies.

And there’s only one way that this was possible: forgiveness.

It was all her. With the help of Him.

My mother is truly incredible, and I am forever grateful for her forgiveness.

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You see, she realized that it was not me, but my anorexia that was doing all of those hurtful things to her.

And even though she was wounded to the core, she found the strength to love me through that dark period of my life, and meet me on the other side with open arms and a loving heart.

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When you’re in the thick of a broken relationship, you can feel hopeless. Utterly. Like your relationship will never be the same again. You’re hurt. You’re angry. You’re sad and depressed. But take heart, because it can heal.

You can get back to that place of love again. To that place of safety and trust again.

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It takes humility to ask for forgiveness and grace to give it. Grace, which frankly, only comes from Above.

It will take those things to heal. And time. And work — Rebuilding trust, reestablishing the new normal, the new rapport, the new connection. But one day, you’ll realize that things have picked up right where they’ve left off.

Broken relationships never have to be permanent.

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If Jesus could forgive those who nailed Him to the Cross, then we can forgive others.

Everyday I’m grateful for my mom and for her love. She is my rock. And even though there was a dark period where I abused that love and trust, we have put the pieces back together, and in all honestly have become stronger because of it.

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When bones break, they become stronger at the site where it was broken. Because it has healed, and become more resilient as a result.

So too, with relationships.

So too, with my mother.

So as I sit here, wistfully reflecting on such a marvelous weekend we had together, I am just so poignantly reminded of how far we’ve come. How much we’ve been through. How much she’s been there for me through it all.

And we were once broken.

We were once in a dark place.

But have healed.

So can you. So can that relationship that you’ve given up on. It’s able to be healed. Forgiveness is key. And if you find yourself unable to muster the strength to offer it, find courage and fortitude from Him to do so.

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66 responses to “Healing Broken Relationships”

  2. Love this post! Thank you for being so honest and real. As someone who also battled with anorexia years ago, I know how difficult the routines, habits, lifestyle, etc is to break and how many broken relationships come into the mix because of it. I love the positivity you bring to this through sharing your story. In sharing it, you are giving others courage to do the same. Great post! 😄

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  4. Lovely post. Your mom sounds like a gem and you are too. Any kind of addictive behavior can put huge strains on relationships. It sounds like you’ve been able to heal again. Praise God!

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    • Thank you so much. Yes, praise God that we have heard and I’ve been able to kick the eating disorder. He is good and you’re right my mom is a gem. Thanks for stopping by and for your encouragement😊

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  5. The timing of This post is almost magical, dare I say providential! Just today my husband and I traveled 3 hours to visit & pay homage to the relics of St. Maria Goretti, which are on tour in the US for the first time from Italy! St Maria is the patron saint ( for us Catholics) of purity and FORGIVENESS! I was so moved by your acknowledgement that your relationship was restored through the gift of your mothers forgiveness. Such grace & beauty pours out when forgiveness is given…and in turn received! Blessings to both you & your mother for doing what God commands from us: to love beyond measure & to forgive 70 x 70! 😀
    Hugs & Blessings! 😘

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    • Thank you so much Dawn. Wow that sounds like an amazing trip to see the relic! My goodness. I’m so glad you and your husband had that opportunity! You’re right, forgiveness is an amazing thing. Thanks for stopping by! Xx

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  6. Your relationship with your mother and with God were obviously a strong combination and foundation by which to help build yourself back up to recovery. I want to offer that if someone asks to be forgiven or advises their forgiveness to another and is for whatever reason rejected to not lose faith. For in due time, either in this world or the next, your good work of believing in forgiveness will be rewarded.

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  7. well said here “One of the most tragic things for the loved ones is having to watch their daughter (or son) or friend or sister literally waste away, physically, mentally, emotionally, socially, and spiritually, and not be able to do anything about it.” my life at the moment!

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    • Oh gosh, sending my thoughts, prayers and love to you. As I was on the “other side” I know (from convos/therapy sessions with MY loved ones) how difficult it is to watch helplessly as your loved one goes through this. Hang in there. She will come through this. Love her through it and if at all possible, inpatient is truly the best place for her restoration. Feel free to email me if you need anything:) anorexiarevealed@yahoo.com

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  13. Thank you for this… Am not struggling with Anorexia, but the other struggles are there, and real. I will read it again, because some of it needs to sink in to some of the deeper crevices of my soul.

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    • Thank you so much Robert. Your right, there will always be scars. But the scars are just a sign of victory over the past and what has hurt you. Thanks so much for stopping by. Blessings to you friend.

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  15. this was so wonderful to read! You are an awesome writer! I could FEEL every word. My daughter and I have recently reconciled, not over this issue, but over others she blames her life on me for. All I have been able to do for the last 2 1/2 years is pray. I have had very limited contact with her. I would call her once a week and leave a message on her phone that I was praying for her and that I love her. And how faithful our Lord is! Last week, she wrote me an email suggesting we start fresh and new with our relationship. I don’t know if you can imagine this mother’s tears or praise to the Lord, but it was there. I thought I might die before we reconciled, but the Lord wasn’t going to allow that either, if only for her sake. Hallelujah!

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  16. My mom and I’s relationship was broken over the summer as I blasted “her god” which is THE GOD of whom I serve. We are fine now but I can’t help but think of the numerous times I attacked the faith this past summer…all because I was angry due to a divorce and some Pastors deserting me. Great post!

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    • Thank you so much Casey. I’m glad you and your mom have come full circle. I think moms understand that shouldering some of her children’s emotions come in the job description. ❤️ I’m sorry you went through that this summer. Sending prayers xx thanks for stopping by!

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  17. Sorry, I am a few days late responding to one of your new posts, I have just been so busy with work and college. As usual though, you have wrote another beautiful and inspiring blog post. Whenever anybody goes through a rough period, an individual (depending on one’s own decisions) can end up doing regretful things to a close family member or friend like lying. What truly matters in the end though and this is based on my own personal experiences with other individuals is that in the end is that that person ends up as you just said above “come full circle” and I am happy that you and your mother have been able to do that which is always a joy for any person 🙂 Anyway, keep up the great work as always 🙂

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    • Thank you so much John. You’re so kind to be such a positive supporter. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t look forward to your profound and encouraging insight:) thanks m, as always for stopping by and for simply being awesome!

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  18. Beautiful and what an inspiration, it takes so much courage to be so vulnerable and let others see into your life. I pray for your continued strength and may God use your struggle to uplift someone else.

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  22. “it takes humility to ask for forgiveness, and grace to give it.”

    And that sums up the beauty of the awesome good news of the Gospel – that wonderful power of God to transform the lives of those who humbly ask Him to.

    Blessed word.

    Reply

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