Dear Mom

This post is for my mom.

Someone who, I can easily say, knows me the best in the world.

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I don’t know why exactly this was put on my heart today to share about this, but whatever — that hasn’t stopped me before…

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This past Thanksgiving, my mom and I put up the Christmas tree together while I was home. We have an entire tree filled with just photo ornaments of my siblings and I through the years. One from every Christmas, for each of us. There are probably close to 200 photo ornaments on this tree and I’m not even exaggerating. The thing is packed. And priceless.

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Albeit, with a past that includes some “dark years” during my anorexia, there can be moments of…let’s just say…pause…whenever you come across a photo ornament of me during that time. And you know this…I wrote about how I threw that ornament away this past year and the resulting freedom.

But, there was an accompanying conversation that I didn’t blog about. But it has been weighing on my mind ever since, and that’s a pretty good indicator that I’m supposed to write about it.

SO.

The two of us were putting up the tree, and my mother quietly says, “I remember the year when I thought this was going to be my last Christmas with you.” Then she looks at me with wispy, loving eyes, and says, I’m so thankful you’re here and healthy.

That look stayed with me. She looked at me with her big, beautiful, brown eyes, and for the first time, I saw a teeny tiny glimpse of a sadness that was there from that history. An inkling of the pain those eyes had seen.

And that revealing of her heart, that vulnerability of sharing that with me…it had a lasting impact. One that, clearly, I still think about two and a half months later.

So with that…

Dear Mom,

I just wanted to say how deeply sorry I am for the pain I put you through. For the mental and emotional anguish you endured as result of my anorexia. I know that you don’t blame me, your daughter, for purposely or intentionally causing you those emotions, but the fact remains: my disease put you through a lot.

More than I will ever know. Because you have never made me feel responsible or guilty. You have always loved me unconditionally, and forgiven me, and stood by my side through it all.

But I am realizing now the true weight of my disease. How, there was a time when you had to come to terms with the fact that, despite your endless prayers and tireless efforts to get me to inpatient, that there was a very real possibility that I might not have “won the fight.” That there was a period of time when you had to come to terms with having to bury your child.

And that…I cannot even begin to imagine the toll that that took on your heart and your spirit.

Expressing how utterly sorry I am feels so empty – so trivial – so almost insulting – given the gravity of the situation and the degree of sorrow you endured.

I want you to know that not a day goes by that I am not grateful for your forgiveness. That there’s not a day that passes where I am not blown away by your love and compassion. And how each day I feel so fortunate to be your daughter.


Lastly. I don’t really know how to say this delicately, so I’m just going to come right out with it.

My anorexia was not your fault.

It was not the result of bad parenting. You never “said anything” or didn’t say anything that somehow caused the disease. You weren’t too preoccupied with outer beauty. You didn’t not talk about faith enough. You didn’t push me into thinking I had to be perfect. You didn’t make me feel that I had to excel, or look a certain way.

There was nothing that you did or didn’t do that caused my eating disorder.

I want you to know that.

I don’t want you to carry any guilt, or somehow feel responsible for it.

I don’t want to say you were a perfect mother, because no one is perfect— but you were pretty damn close.

The anorexia for me was a way to jump ship from a life that had become a “perfection monster.” One that — please note: you did not dictate or demand. 

That pressure, those standards — those were my doing. You never communicated or demonstrated that you expected perfection. Never. Not once.

I just wanted you to hear that.

   

Watching me waste away, I cannot imagine what that must have been like for you, and frankly, I don’t know how you endured it. I mean, I do — you spent every night at church in prayer to Jesus. But, still. I don’t know how, logistically, you made it through the days and nights.

Thank you for never giving up on me. 

Thank you for the love you’ve shown – before, during, and after the storm. Thank you for the trust that you’ve rebuilt with me, even though I didn’t deserve it. For the second, and third, and fourth, and sixty seventh chances you’ve given.



I could go on and on, but this is getting lengthy, so I will wrap it up with this:

You are an incredible mother. Teacher. Nurse. Listener. Cheerleader. Pray-er. Persevere-er. And best friend.

I love you.

xoxo

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279 responses to “Dear Mom”

  2. AWWW that was so sweet and very deep! I’m glad you and your Mom are such great pals. 🙂 200+ photos – wow!

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  3. Wow! And wow again! This is an awesome, tremendous post full of genuine pathos and deeply-felt gratitude. Three thumbs up for this one; thank you for posting it . . . and thank God for your dear mother! All the best to you (both) w/blessings.

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  6. And her ever-faithful, never-wavering love has been rewarded by the One who could have stopped it before you were an ounce or two away from death. Instead, he gave her a person who is more beautiful than she ever imagined and who has touched the lives (and probably saved a few) of so many.

    While it is true that your struggle caused her much pain, out of the ashes of your destruction has risen a giant among God’s children.

    She must be proud beyond belief.

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    • Wow, Tony. I am so incredibly humbled and touched by your words. Thank you. Seriously. From the bottom of my heart. Thank you for these kind and uplifting words. God is good. That’s all I can say. Thanks for being a great friend. Hugs and blessings to you:)

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  7. My favorite I’ve read of your posts so far and that is saying a lot. I was so moved as you processed the fact your mom faced the possibility of losing you. As a mom I can’t imagine that, but God is so faithful- He blessed you with the realization of it which opened your heart for a deeper relationship with your mom, who is clearly one of the greatest women who has ever lived. Thanks for posting this. If I can figure out to repost it on my blog, may I?

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  8. Love your honesty and story. Glad you are healthy now. I struggled for so many years with anorexia and bulimia. Your story is an inspirational and moving story. You are so lucky to have such a wonderful understanding and caring mother.

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    • Thank you so much. Yes, I definitely do not take my mother for granted. I’m so glad we both have found the freedom of recovery:) rock on, warrior. Thanks for stopping by! Hugs and love to you xox

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    • Hey miss Ellie! Yes, I definitely do not take it for granted. I really do have an incredible mom. She is my rock…well, my #2 rock if you know what I mean 👆👆👆🙏🙏 🙂 thanks for stopping by and sending you so many hugs my friend ❤️

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  12. I had tears in my eyes reading this. What a beautiful, heartfelt letter and precious gift you’ve given to your mother, and yourself, by forgiving and moving on. Life is too short to carry that sort of burden. Such a powerful post and so happy that you can share it with us today. Thank you.

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  13. This is so beautifully written. I’m so glad you were able to overcome this part of your life, and reflect back on it to share with others. I know what it’s like to see a sadness, or darkness in a family member. I know how easy it is to blame yourself. I think it’s amazing you wrote this for her, but don’t forget to write one to yourself. This diseases isn’t your moms fault – or yours. It is a mental disease that is no different than a physical one. I watched my older sister struggle with anorexia for years, and even as a little girl at the time, I always thought she was so strong. Every apology she gave to us, I questioned why she was doing so.

    So, I do know what it feels like to blame yourself for someone’s sadness or pain. But sometimes an apology to yourself, can also be a forgiveness.

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    • Wow, what a powerful reflection. Thank you for the gift of this perspective. Seriously. You are incredible. I’m so sorry that your sister had to suffer from anorexia. It sounds like she had an amazing support system though. Thanks for this, my friend. So glad you stopped by. Hugs and love xx

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  15. What an awesome letter to your mom. I would like to say that I am very glad that you followed your heart and spoke these things. My mom died in January of 2014. I will never have the opportunity to have a conversation with her again. And, while the relationship wasn’t perfect, you don’t really miss your water until your well runs dry. I can appreciate how difficult this may have been for you. However, I guess what would have been more difficult would be if she had left this life and you had not shared these significant intimacies between you and her. The love between you two shines through, through all the difficulties, challenges, storms, etc. That’s what good mom’s do. Thank you so much for sharing.

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    • Wow thank you so much for this powerful reflection. I am so sorry for your loss. The wisdom you have shared in this response is absolutely profound. I appreciate you sharing your heart and being so open. You’re right-we never know what we have until, “the well runs dry.” I will definitely be reflecting on this tonight. Sending you so much love and big big hugs.

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  17. You really need to supply hankies with these posts. Thank you for posting this quite intimate and personal apology. I know this is not a perfect apology but its pretty damn close. Blessings to you and your mother. Jack

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    • Hahaha oh my gosh thanks for this little bust of laughter:) but seriously, I appreciate your encouraging words. Thanks, Jack, for taking the time to read and respond. Have a great night!

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  19. This is sweet and definitely an amazing tribute. If she hasn’t already, your Mom will cry happy tears reading this. Bless you~

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  20. Beautiful post indeed 🙂 You may have felt free throwing away that old ornament that was part of a dark time for you, but even though it came back most recently to haunt you, you more than overcame your fears in putting that dark past away once and for all 🙂 I am also glad that your relationship with your mother is strong and she is quite aware that your past anorexia was no fault of hers 🙂 Neither of us are perfect and in retrospect, we (including me) know that their are past decisions we would not have done. I hope your mother reads this blog entry because it is really loving and beautiful 🙂 Is she Internet savvy? 🙂 Anyway, keep up the great work as always 🙂

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    • Hi John, gosh thank you for these wonderful and affirming words. Me too, I am so glad to be her daughter. And yes, my mom did read this and we had a beautiful conversation. I sent it to her earlier in the week for her blessing. Thanks again for your continued readership and friendship. Have a great night xox

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  22. This writing love note is so full of love! The best part is the valiant forgiveness between you and your Mom! Thank you for sharing, it really entered my heart. Joan

    Sent from my iPad

    >

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  23. This is just wonderful!! How lucky you are to have a mom like that. Many don’t. Many make it “about themselves” and stifle their children from feeling anything but anguish toward them. You have a wonderful, kind, and giving mother and she has a wonderful, beautiful, talented daughter!. God’s Blessings to both of you!! Hugs!!

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  25. What a blessing. In an age where so many children blame their parents for their issues, and chose not to take responsibility, this is truly a blessing. Thank you for sharing the personal…and even though I don’t personally know you or your Mom, it is quite apparent your grace and love is coming from a great family!

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    • Thank you so much Jennifer. I so appreciate your affirming and kind words! My mom truly is a wonderful and grace-filled woman. I look up to her with my whole heart. Thanks for stopping by. Hugs and love to you!

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  26. First, the tree… how cool is that? Picture ornaments — I absolutely love it! On a deeper note, your Mom is incredible. I can feel the loving mother-daughter bond between the two of you in your writing. You’re both so fortunate to have each other and that connection. The deep love and respect you have for your Mother is clearly visible just reading your words releasing your Mom of any kind of guilt she may have felt or still feel for your disease. It’s true a lot of the time that we mothers blame ourselves for the problems our children have — I do it myself. Anyway, it’s apparent that you love her way too much to want anything coming in between the two of you. It’s BEAUTIFUL!

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    • Thanks Jodee! So much.❤️ My mom really is my absolute best friend in the world and you’re right: I don’t want her carrying anything around like that. I know she doesn’t, but I’ve never actually explicitly told her that. And after that convo putting up the tree, I caught a glimpse into just how that period of my life, in which, I have always looked at from my perspective-I saw how it really wounded her. And she didn’t say that trying to communicate that AT ALL, but I could see it, hidden beneath the surface. Anywho, thank you for such a heartfelt reflection. I appreciate you taking the time to read and respond. Hugs and love to you xox

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      • You have a true treasure in your relationship. I’ve been a follower of yours for almost a year now. I’m so happy for you that those days of darkness are behind you. I will be praying that God bless you with the strength and courage as well as a hedge of protection against your disease. Much love and big hugs to you my sweet friend ☺️

      • ❤️❤️❤️oh wow. I am completely honored and humbled and grateful that you’ve been “with me” through this entire journey. Thank you Jodee. You’re right: it is a hugs hugs treasure. big hugs Xoxoxoxooxox

  29. Hey BBB, you’ve been a continuous source of joy to me every day of your life. From the days when my heart would skip a beat in anticipation when the school bus would return you from school and I’d see you dancing down the street as you came home, to all the amazing and creative ways you expressed yourself and showed love to your family as you were growing up. And now that you’re all grown up, sharing a glass of wine in front of your fireplace and talking about absolutely everything for hours. You have always been the joy of my life. And through everything we’ve experienced together, all I have is gratitude for the many ways you’ve blessed my life. You are here. You are in my life. And I’m so grateful. You are beautiful and I have loved every single day of being your mom. I really do cherish you.

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    • Thank you mama 🙂 I love you with all my heart and truly meant every word of this post. Thank you for showing me what it means to love, to live, to laugh, and to be a woman after God’s heart. Talk to you tomorrow xox

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    • You are an amazing mom and your daughter is such an inspiration to me. I praise God for her and her life and for you saying “YES” to bringing into this world. Blessings.

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    • I had two sons who struggled with different addictions. One made it, one didn’t. I think I understand the emotions you have exchanged here. You are each a great gift to the other. Bless you both.

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      • Melhpine, I am so sorry for your loss. my heart just breaks to hear that. I wish I could give you a big hug through the computer. I don’t pretend to understand why we have to go through the things we do, but I do know the comfort of having people in your corner. Although I do not know you personally, know that I am in your corner❤️ and that you’re in my heart tonight. Thank you for sharing this part of your story with us. Blessings and love xx

  30. AWESOME! Thanks for this. Me and my mom had a wonderful conversation like this a year or so before she passed away. It was so wonderful after that. We lived in love and forgiveness and grace with each other and it changed my own and her life and relationship.
    I enjoy your journey!
    Many blessings from Our Lord Who is so kind and loving and keeps with us no matter what.
    In Him,
    Laura Matsuda
    lauramatsuda@gmail.com

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    • Thank you so much Laura. I’m so glad you were able to have that conversation. How comforting to know that we will one day be reunited with our loved ones in Heaven 🙂 thank you for sharing this heartfelt reflection. Hugs xox

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  31. I always look forward to reading your lovely, inspirational posts. I am so moved by your bravery in communicating this part of your heart to your mom. I know it is hard to be obedient when God calls us to do something outside of our comfort zone. But now you are free and you can experience the blessings God has for you for being obedient to Him. You are an inspiration to me. Blessings.

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    • Gosh, thank you. Truly, JM. Your words touch my heart and my spirit. They’re so encouraging and affirming and supportive. I am so grateful. Thank you. You’re right: God does call us to step out there in His name. And it is scary. But how comforting to know that he will always catch us and have our backs. Thanks for your continued readership and friendship. Love and massive hugs to you xox

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  34. Amazing. I have a great relationship with my mother and I’m so thankful for it. It’s like having a best friend that you know isn’t going anywhere. Love.

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  36. Hello friend, well tried to rack my brain around why your writing and/or personal experiences I’ve had a profound impact on me. It wasn’t really until tonight that I realized why. I don’t know how to say this without tearing up. The reason I feel so closely related to your writing is because we have similarities in more than just one aspect of our lives. I was an impatient when I was an in patient when I was just 11 years old. At 11 years old I simply weighed in at 40 pounds. Much like you, I also have a very loving mother who went beyond what she was supposed to do for her son. One moment as I was growing up I was introduced to protein shakes and weight gainers and no I’m not talking about ensure because that stuff is junk and doesn’t work and besides the point it tastes awful. I want you to know that it is my believe that my mother prayed in secret for my health, it is also by her strength courage and trust in God that you was able to blend 4 shakes a day just so that she can see me live another day. A mother’s love is unconditional and richly rewarding a mother’s love is relentless 80 days without end. after reading this blog post you make me want to call my parents and tell them I love them and that I’m sorry for the pain I put them through. I want to give God all the praise and glory for rescuing me on more than 10 occasions. in God’s Word says that he is long suffering which being interpreted means to be patient. I’m pretty sure that I was one of the individuals that taught him the value of being patient.Lastly I just want to say how much I love your courage to write such things and most certainly I love you. because you shared similar experiences with meNever hesitate to ask me Anything when it comes to pray for you. Sincerely Anthony , aka Mr Canada.

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  37. You are an inspiration for many. Taking the time to write this, shows the love you have for your mother.
    Our diseases are labeled differently, but the pain and the fear we put family and friends through is the same.
    I don’t know how my mother and father made it thru that hell, but they did loving me no less.

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    • oh my gosh thank you so much Jane. The love our parents have for us is so incredible. They’ve definitely taught us the meaning of love, that’s for sure! Thanks for this heartfelt reflection. sending you so much love and hugs! xox

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  38. It is so beautiful that you could write this to your Mum. And it is so wonderful that you are here to share that with us. I wish I had such an opportunity to say such things to my Mum (she passed away 15 years ago). However, I will always hold dear to my heart the beautiful talk we had moments before she died. Always embrace the moment. You never know when that moment will end.

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  40. This is a really beautiful letter to your mum. Most parents blame themselves when their children go through issues and the fact that you addressed that shows your maturity and kindness. It sounds like you both have a really great relationship! Does your mum read this blog or have you shown her the letter?

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    • Thank you so much:) yeah, for the first time, I finally saw my past through my moms eyes and it was pretty powerful. Yes! She does. (She’s a big supporter of my blog.) in fact, she wrote a reply to this post in the comments uber BBB’s Mom ☺️ thanks again for stopping by! Have a lovely week! Hugs!

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  42. As a mother of a daughter who battled an eating disorder, I pray that my daughter feels as you. All those feeling and thoughts you shared were those same thoughts I felt as I watched my daughter plunge into that deep abyss. Today, she is a mother of two beautiful boys and I rejoice in her strength to eat well and stay healthy for herself, her husband and her children. Thank you for writing this letter and sharing your very soul. It is healing on so many levels.

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    • Thank you so much Loretta. Wow, praise God that your daughter is healthy and living an abundant life. And that she was able to have children! What a testimony to her courage and strength. As well as the healing role you played as her mom 🙂 Thank you for sharing this part of your heart. Sending you big hugs right now. Xox

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  43. I can understand the huge response to your post. Brought tears in my eyes. The best moment: when YOU recognized and realized that look in your Mom’s eyes while decorating the tree. That moment was captured in your heart and that changed everything for you! It takes two hearts! Yours and your mom’s! Love your loving relationship with your mom.

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    • Thank you so much Miriam! You’re so right — i am very lucky to have such a wonderful mom! Thanks for stopping by! hugs and love! ((BTW — Sorry this took a while to respond! for some strange reason the comment ended up in the “spam” folder! silly wordpress…)

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  46. What a lovely, heart-felt post. I think it can be too easy to forget how what we go through, and what we do, impacts those around us and those who care for us also. Take care of yourself xx

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  49. This is beautiful! I’m so glad you shared this. My mom and I have always been extremely close and have had a lot of loss and depression surround both of us, just recently I have broken through the veil of depression and realized how to move on and say Yes! to living to the fullest and I said just about the same as you did here to my mom. 🙂

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    • Thank you so much for his thoughtful reflection. I’m sorry you’ve had to endure loss and depression as of late. I’m so glad that veil has been lifted and you’re living from a place of ” Yes!” again. Thanks for stopping by xx

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  51. Hello there! I think your blog is so inspiring for so many people, so I have nominated you for the “One Lovely Blog Award”. You can read all about it in my latest post here:
    https://survivednarc.wordpress.com/2016/02/16/another-one-lovely-blog-award-nomination/

    I hope you have the time and opportunity to participate (it’s basically about writing a blog post and choosing some nominees of your own).

    Take care. 🙂 /SurvivedNarc

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  54. And so we are all a little closer to healed and whole because you, again, shared your heart. Thank you for your openness and transparency and taking the pains to verbally processing your journey. You model a key value of the Kingdom : confessing your sins one to another that you may be healed. Reblogging this post!♡♡♡

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  57. Tears…then a long exhale…and, finally, peace.

    The Catholic exorcist Father Amorth reported, of his confrontations with the inner core of possession, that the demons always said “We don’t hate Christ. We test him.” You and your mother have earned your Ph.D.s.

    And as so many here testify to you, the insights you have gained are incredibly valuable.

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  58. This was one of the most Moving and Amazing things I have read in quite a long time. I must say, it is a Great Tribute, not only to your Mom, but to you, and what you have learned through your journey, and I say Kudos to you!
    I also know that your Mother knew what was in your heart…after all, she is a Mom!
    You have been Delightfully Heard!

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    • Oh thank you so much! What kind words:) I really appreciate you words of affirmation and encouragement. Yeah, my mom is a pretty special lady 🙂 Thanks for taking the time to read! Hugs xox

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  63. I really loved this, so beautiful in the way you express my heart. I need to write a letter like this to my husband, and I really appreciate you letting me know. Thanks for your lovely posts. They really are powerful and making a difference in other people’s lives.

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  65. This letter is so heartfelt, sincere, and touching, and it shows your maturity, your grace, and the beauty of your soul. I wish that I could write something similar to my mother, but I can’t. Or maybe it’s just that I won’t. I do blame her. We were close, I think we still are close, and yet I can’t move past her pathology and the deep scars it left me with. The past hurts, but so does not being able to fully forgive.

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    • Hi Lulu, thank you for this heartfelt response. I’m so sorry that there’s pain when you reflect on the past. Wounds definitely do take a long time to heal. I don’t know why we have to go through what we do, but I have to trust that we can and will grow from it. I hope that soon you can look back and not have the past hurt so much:) you deserve that peace my friend. You have a beautiful heart and that always shines through in your reflections. Sending lots and lots of hugs Xox

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      • Thank you so much. I always find compassion, understanding, and meaning here. I pray for the ability to forgive, and sometimes I feel my heart growing, and sometimes I feel it hardening again. Maybe during this year of mercy I will learn to be more merciful and see even better through eyes other than my own. Little by little!

      • Aw thank you for that❤️ yes. Little by little. One day at a time. I think you’re absolutely right. Great things will happen during this Year of mercy. I totally believe in you! ❤️❤️hugs xox

  66. How wonderful that you have a Loving Mother beautybeyondbones, one that puts you first and values you greatly and how wonderful that you too value her greatly, Love that is given Sacrificially when accepted brings beauty and completeness.

    It’s True we can never be Worldly Perfect, this is why God asks us to be Perfected in Love as He is because it is of the Spirit and not the Carnal flesh which we are to put to death.

    Matthew 5:48 Be ye therefore Perfect, even as your Father which is in Heaven is Perfect.

    I tried to measure up to others expectations physically too, as a young person I was Bulimic for 10 years, I went from one extreme to the next but when I chose to stop because God asked me to, He delivered me, He empowered me to be able to, the same as with my addiction to Gambling and Kleptomania.

    Today I’m aiming to be Perfected in Love (see below) but I know no matter how hard the Storms of life get I’m not alone, (Isaiah 43:1-3) do I believe I will be Perfected in this life, the Scriptures tell us we will if we Ask, Seek, and Knock.

    1 John 4:17-19 Herein is our Love made Perfect, that we may have boldness in the day of judgment: because as He is, so are we in this world. There is no fear in Love; but perfect Love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment. He that feareth is not made Perfect in Love. We Love Him, because He first Loved us.

    Hebrews 6:1 Therefore leaving the principles of the doctrine of Christ, let us go on unto Perfection; not laying again the foundation of repentance from dead works, and of faith toward God,

    Philippians 3:14-16 I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus. Let us therefore as many as be Perfect be thus minded and if in any thing ye be otherwise minded God shall reveal even this unto you. Nevertheless, where to we have already attained let us walk by the same rule, let us mind the same thing.

    2 Corinthians 7: 1 Having therefore these promises dearly beloved, let us cleanse ourselves from all filthiness of the flesh and spirit Perfecting Holiness in the fear of God.

    2 Timothy 3:16-17 All Scripture is given by inspiration of God and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness: That the man of God may be Perfect, thoroughly furnished unto all good works.

    2Corinthians 13:11 Finally, brethren, farewell. Be Perfect, be of good comfort, be of one mind, live in Peace; and the God of Love and Peace shall be with you.

    “Christ”ian Love and blessings – Anne.

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    • Hi Anne, thank you for sharing these scripture verses. Yes, I am so grateful to have such an amazing mother. I look up to her so much. She has a beautiful spirit. Thanks for stopping by!

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  67. WOW, praise God for such an awesome gift of a beautiful mommy. My mommy is one of my best friends, and she has ALWAYS been such a good example to me of a love for balance not for extremes. SHe truly is an example of following after Jesus Christ in the way she looks at everything including the body and food. She always keeps me on the right track by pointing me back to Jesus.

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    • Hey Em! Oh gosh it sounds like you have An awesome mom. That’s so great that you and she are so close. What a blessing. We are both extremely fortunate in that regard. Thanks, as always, for stopping by and being a ray of sunshine in my comments section! Hugs and love to you lady! Xoxoxoxo

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  68. I went back and read your first post and then read this one. My daughter was just beginning to have signs of this monster grabbing her. She was finally able to see that she was truly underweight after watching a friend perform an interpretive speech of “Second Star to the Right,” by Deborah Hautzig about a girl struggling with this issue. I thanked God even then for speaking through that friend, a nurse, and the height/weight chart during a regular check up. God used all of that to help my daughter realize the seriousness and where this could go if she didn’t do what was necessary to seek help. I’m so happy to say that she is a normal healthy happy grown young woman now, who shares with others and points to God as her ultimate help. I’m glad to see that God is your help, and that you have such a wonderful relationship with your mom, also.

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    • hi D&R, thank you so much for sharing this heartfelt reflection. Praise God that your daughter was able to break free and become healthy and living abundantly. That brings my heart so much joy. Truly. Thanks for stopping by! Have a beautiful evening! Hugs and love to you and your daughter!

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  69. Beautiful. A Mother’s Love. I’m sure she never blamed you for anything but what you said in your letter wipes away any old feelings if there were any which I’m sure there weren’t. You are a Blessing to her and and Her to you. It is so wonderful to have your mother to reach out too. So wise and sweet of you.

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    • Thank you so much for this, Corrie. You’re right, I am so incredible blessed to have her as a mother. I definitely do not take that for granted. Thanks for stopping by and for these kind words of encouragement and affirmation! Thanks for reading! hugs and love to you! xx

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  70. Thanks so much for following my blog! This post was incredibly beautiful and touching! I’m so thankful that you have a Mom that loves you like that. It really is a blessing to have someone love you deeply through everything you go through in life! Again, beautiful post! Thanks for sharing!

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  71. I am so glad you made it through. Don’t carry guilt. Keep stepping forward. Your mom sounds like a wonderful person. She saw/sees you through eyes of love.

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  73. Love is faith.
    Your mom has mirrored the love of God for you.
    I’m glad that you made it because of God’s grace and mercy.
    Live conscious that God loves you and thank God for mama’s love and prayers.

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    • Hi Tessa, Thank you for this kind reflection. You’re so right: my mom is the living image of God’s love. I am so grateful to be her daughter. Thanks for taking the time to read! Hugs and love xox

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  75. Holy moly, let me wipe the tears first. Sorry, still crying …. This post is so darn beautiful ! My mom is in end stage renal cancer and just lately we are having conversations like this one. Open, honest, from the heart no BS. That is why I am crying. I relate to what you are feeling.

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    • Hi Amy, thank you for sharing this. I am so sorry that your mom is fighting cancer. I’m really glad that you and she are able to having real conversation and that you’re able to share your hearts. What a wonderful gift that is to her. I will definitely keep your mom in my thoughts and prayers. Sending so much love and hugs to you my friend. Thanks for stopping by xoxoxox

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  81. So lovely! It makes me want to write one for my mom, God knows she deserves to hear how grateful i am for her putting up with me and never giving up! You are inspirational! Thank you!

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  82. As a mom, I can empathize with her and with you because of being an imperfect woman trying to be perfect in other ways. It’s so freeing to realize I’ll never be perfect this side of heaven. It’s impossible unless you are Jesus and there’s only one true Jesus and He isn’t any of us. I really loved this post and if your mom reads it, I’ll bet she’ll cry. You are precious.

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  85. The greatest heroes in life are those that never give up on someone. They stick it out and make it work. They sacrifice things in their life, in order to help others grow. They give up what they want because someone needs it more. They work hard and overcome adversity. They fail for a moment, but get back up on their feet to show others they don’t have to stay down. They show their loved ones that love is not “proved” by conformity. They teach others that having a voice is a sign of courage, and they will not stay silent to make people feel comfortable. They are fearless and will do whatever it takes to bring about the greatness in the ones they love because doing so brings them peace. Their name is MOM.
    Blessings.

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  90. Wauww this post just hit me! Its good you are healthy now i know kinda how hard it is. I had a time of my one were i could only think that i needed to lose weight even when i allready did lose alot. This is inspiriring and i think hard to tell. Your mom most be verry proud this is a great way of telling!😘

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  95. You are wonderfully courageous and inspirational and you write beautifully; from the heart. Your honesty will help you as well as others on your path I’m sure. Good luck on your journey and well done for recognising and acknowledging the strength of your mother.
    Thank you for having liked my posts.

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  96. Hi there! You are a follower of my blog and I wanted to let you know I’m moving. I’ll be at http://www.theoutnumberednest.com and would love love love if you would go sign up for my email subscription 🙂 i don’t want to lose you as a follower, and I don’t want you to miss any of my new post!

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  97. Reblogged this on mamastrong and commented:
    I’ve never done this before, but I love this girl’s blog, and ESPECIALLY this post. it captures what mamastrong is all about: loving our babies when loving them is killing us, when grace is all that is left to give, but that mama-heart is one that is tethered to our children by cords of steel… IT. SIMPLY. DOES. NOT. GIVE. UP. If you or someone you know is struggling with eating disorders PLEASE SHARE THIS BLOG WITH THEM.

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  98. Beautiful letter. I can’t imagine what it must have been like for you both during that time.

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    • Thank you so much Ling! I appreciate the support. Yes, it was a very difficult time, but thankfully we made it to the other side and are stronger and closer because of it. I’m so grateful for that wonderful lady☺️ glad you stopped by! Hugs!

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  103. This was such a lovely piece Caralyn. No matter what we put our parents through whether it be good or bad, they love us unconditionally. I think our parents endure the pain, sufferings, sadness, joy and laughter because it’s done together…as a family.

    Reply

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