Honesty Hour

I’m going to be honest with y’all.

I’ve been feeling really restless in my heart recently.

No, it’s not because we’re heading into the Final Four and my bracket is malarky.

Not because I’m anxiously awaiting the new Backstreet Boys/NSYNC/98 Degrees movie that’s set to come out soon.

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((Be still my preteen heart))


Not because the presidential candidates have got me (and apparently a plethora of other weary Americans) ready to jump ship and move to Canada.

No.

My heart is restless because of wondering when God is going to show me His plan for my life.

And it’s funny because, as I type this, the direction of this post is going to go in a completely different direction than I set out to write….so, thank you Holy Spirit for that gentle nudge.

I’ve kept it on the DL, but I was cast last year in a feature film trilogy. Filming on location, out of state during the entire summer. And starting in May, I had to report on set.

Now, I’m not “green” — I’m well aware that many projects fall through, so I knew not to get excited until I was on the plane with the check in my hand.

Hashtag: ShowMeTheMoney

 

Anyways, there were signs and certain things that made me believe that this was, in fact, going to happen. Sure enough signs that I told my boss that I was going to need the summer off.

Well, I got an email last week that the project has been postponed for an entire year. And the better part of my brain adds the addendum — “if it happens at all.”

So I was disappointed to say the least.

OK, God. I’m just waiting for You to show up and tell me why You pulled the rug out from under me? I thought this was something You wanted me to do?

And then there’s the boys.


There are a couple interesting prospects in my life on the romance front. But, being in the old fashioned camp, I do not text boys first. I wait for them to contact me.

And I’m really feeling like my heart is ready for love. So again…

Dear God, Hello from the other side! I must have called a thousand times! I’m just waiting for you to show me who I’m supposed to open my heart to! Kthanksbye!

 

So I’m restless. Feeling like I’m kinda flailing, waiting for God to show me His plans for my life.

But here’s how funny God works. As I’m writing this, I’m given a little whisper.

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And I know this might sound a little batty, but whatever…I’m just going to share with you what I’m hearing right now:

God is revealing His will for my life. Right now. It just might not be how I think it’s supposed to look. It might not be my timing. It might not be packaged and wrapped up in a neat little bow. But it’s His plan. And His timing.


The fact is, He’s given me this blog, and instilled a true passion in my heart to share how He legitimately saved my life from a severe case of anorexia.

He’s given me time with my friends this summer. Instead of being on location for three months, I’m going to be able to nurture my heart with my friends, which has been so life-giving and important to my recovery.

He’s given me a job that allows me time to take care of myself and my needs, as well as allow me time to blog.

And most importantly, He’s given me my health. I’m healthy. I’m not enslaved to ED anymore. I’m not in an Ulcerative Colitis flare. Sure, I may have to take certain measures to put my health first, but He empowers me to do that.


So though I may feel as though I’m like Sandra Bullock in Gravity, drifting at the moment, questioning God’s plan for my life…the fact is, He is at work. My measly little earthy eyes just can’t always recognize how blessed I am. At least not at the hyper speed I tend to live.

Anywho. Time to shut down the computer for the night. Take a little respite from the glow of my Mac in the midnight hour and get some sleep.

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Being restless is a choice. But so is being intentional. So is being still. So is reflecting and choosing peace.

And those things, when practiced, can overpower the restlessness.

“Be still and know that I am God.” Psalm 46:10

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393 responses to “Honesty Hour”

  3. It really is honesty hour. Two minutes before receiving your post via email, I posted a “full disclosure” post on Facebook. It wasn’t pretty, so I will spare you and your readers the details … until I blog about it someday.
    As for the plan for your life and potential boys, one word of advice: Be careful what you wish for.
    I hope the trilogy pans out for you though.
    Take care.

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  7. 1) I did NOT know there was a boy band zombie movie coming soon! Thanks!
    2) I may be waiting for God to show me different things than you, but I am right there with ya!

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  8. I can’t relate with your health condition, but I have been suffering with anxiety. I hate it but thankfully, it has brought me closer to God. Being put in a place where you are forced to have ultimate faith in God can be one of the best things to happen to a person. I’ve had to put so much into perspective, and like you, I’m waiting for God’s will for the next chapter of my life to be shown to me. Very inspiring post! 🙂

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    • Hi Courtney! Sometimes our trials bring us closer to Him. How amazing that you’re able to see past the hardship and see the blessing. That’s a beautiful trait. Sending so much love my friend. Hugs xox

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  9. The state of recovery, for me, is sometimes a hard place to be. I’ve had glimpses of a content, peaceful, joyful future and being the recovering addict that I am, I want it all RIGHT NOW. I guess God just does not work that way. It’s his timeframe I live in now. Like your post.

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    • Hi Larry, I can so relate. Accepting gods timing is so hard but I just have to dwell in the peace that His plans and timing are perfect. Thanks for sharing this. Hugs and love xox

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  10. I can’t believe I just received this email. I’ve had the same EXACT thoughts in my head. God answers in his time not at our convenience. Wow. Beautifully written:)

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  11. I am sorry not all is as you would like it to be right now. However, it is all in God’s own timing. He is setting the stage for when everything is to begin. And as He directs and produces the show, you will be the star!

    Sending up prayers for you!

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    • Hi Vicki, thank you so much! Yes, patience and trusting in His timing is so tough, but there’s comfort in knowing that His plans are good. Thanks for stopping by! sending much love and hugs xox

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  13. Such an important lesson. And I think possibly the most important thing that God cares if we actually learn. That we are loved in spite of circumstances and that he truly can work though everything.

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  14. Yes God will let you know when the time Iis right to choose your destiny being patient is so hard..you have such a great ambition for life honestly you remind me so much of my son he may only be 16 but going on 20 his direction in life is a big one and like I told him if it meant and the right thing for you it will happene.so do what your doing don’t let it go but just breath stand back and see what happens hugs and have a goodnight.

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    • Hi friend, that’s really great advice. Thank you for that. I will rest in that peace that He will reveal His plan when the time is right. Thanks for stopping by! Hugs and love xox

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  15. Sometimes it is in the stillness of lives our hearts are prepared for the season to come.

    So hush that beautiful wandering mind, claim the peace that God is giving you and know that he is preparing only the best for you!💜

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    • Hi friend, thank you for this beautiful note of encouragement. You’re absolutely right– I have to claim that peace. He has a good plan for me. I trust that. thanks for this. hugs and love xox

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  16. I shared the same issue in bible study 2 weeks ago and I regret it now. At 62 I still have this question. 34 years a Christian and it seems a waste. But time still remains and I do not know what that future is.

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    • Hi Drew, it is so hard to trust when we can’t see the whole staircase, but only the first step. But thankfully we have a Father who only wants the best for His children. Thanks for stopping by! hugs and love xox

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  17. Oh babe I’m so glad you have come to this place! I couple weeks ago I was contemplating moving to a new city just because I felt restless. I wanted change. I contacted apartments, got a potential job. I was READY. However, I took a step back, evaluated where I am and realized I will be content for another year. I have two great jobs that give me wonderful benefits, good friends and my own space. I will be ok here for another year.
    That also gives me more time to plan for when I do move. All in His timing! <3

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    • Hey Ellie! Thanks for these kind words. Wow, sounds like you have definitely found peace! You’re right – God’s got you right where He wants you, in His time. Sounds like you’ve got a great job and life there in your city. You’re right- He’s giving you time to plan for the future, while enjoying the present. Yep yep – all in His timing. Sending hugs and love, lady! Hope you have a beautiful weekend! xox

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  18. Another beautifully written post as usual 🙂 Even though you are still disappointed that filming of one of your projects has been postponed, you nevertheless managed to look at something brighter which was a lot of the major things you have achieved as of recently 🙂 You are no longer anorexic, you have a strong relationship with God and last, but not least, you have gained a lot of friends via your blog 🙂 None of this is easy to achieve, but you have done it and that is something to be proud of 🙂 Keep up the great work as always 🙂

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    • Hi John, thank you so much for this great perspective. You’re right — I have so much to be thankful for. So very much. And yes, I am so grateful for the wonderful friendships I’ve gained on here 🙂 Thanks for being a special one of them 🙂 Have a great evening! hugs xox

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  20. Been there! Done that! Got the t-shirt. Hang in there. You’ll know that you know when God tells you what’s up. Your writing is so easy to identify with. Probably because it comes from your heart and soul.

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  21. Thank you so much for this post. I am going through the same season in life. I was actually talking to my friend today about needing to just relax (be still) and let God show me his path for my life instead of me trying to find my own. I have a propensity to sometimes get in my own way. I’m praying for you.

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  24. This post is all too good! First off, thank you for your willingness to be open; God knows transparency can be difficult. Secondly, with your transparency comes the opportunity to partner with the Lord and wait on him. I have a mentor that said waiting on the Lord can be one of two things. Either waiting on a decision you were initially gonna make or waiting in the sense that you minister to Him. In other words, serve in Him in such a way as to take your focus off your needs and desires. And by the way, be encouraged with the fact that he knows your needs before you utter a word. It can be tough wondering who you’re gonna open your heart to, hence the restlessness. At the same time continue trust that “[He] works all things together for the good of those he loves and who are called by his purpose.” Romans 8:28. Also each and every day is another opportunity to be brainwashed. Yep, I said brainwashed or as Paul puts it in Romans 12 renewing your mind. The second part of that verse, I believe, tends to be overlooked but Paul says WHY to renew our minds. It’s so we can be able to discern what the will of God, which is good AND perfect. Finally, continue to surrender your desires to God because he knows the intentions of the heart since all things are laid bare before Him. I just wanted to encourage you. Sorry for the long comment.

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    • Thank you so much! You’re right, He DOES know exactly what we need before we even say a word. And we have the Holy Spirit to intercede for us when we don’t have the words. What a comfort in knowing that. And what a comfort in knowing that His plans are good and perfect. Thanks for this wonderful encouragement. hugs and love xox

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      • If you don’t mind me asking, how old are you? It’s always encouraging coming across young warriors.

      • Ok, I’m sorry, one more question. which one of your posts do you think accurately captures your testimony?

      • You’re very welcome! We all gotta support each other. I’m hoping to get a better understanding of anorexia through reading these. Xoxo

      • Absolutely! I would be positively honored. Full disclosure though, it’s 1:37am here–I just got home from a night out with my friends and I’m dozing off to sleep right now, so I will probably not respond until tomorrow morning. BUT I would absolutely love to continue this dialogue. I just don’t want you think I didn’t respond and leave you hanging 🙈🙈🙈

      • Oh I gotcha. Yeah I’m in NC so that’s my time as well. I’ll understand if you don’t respond. I was wondering why you were awake.

      • Nniiccceeeee! 🙌🙌 The city that never sleeps right?! Haha
        So I’m in the battle of pornography. In one of your posts you mentioned what has helped you up to this point. That is replacing the lies you were hearing with the truth, or Jesus himself. That’s been my only solace, otherwise I would’ve gone crazy ending up as some perverted sicko. When I think about anorexia and the darkness that drapes the mind, I begin to think about my own struggles. Most people understand that porn is fake and disgusting. If you’ve been constantly exposed to it, then it warps your mind to believe false ideas about sex and the design of woman’s bodies. The objectifying of woman in the culture doesn’t help the one who is deep in this darkness. It has taken the light of Christ to stay afloat. My parents and mentor constantly remind me of the importance of Romans 12:1-2 and renewing my mind. Before I was so wrapped up in a woman’s looks. Now I challenge myself to notice something about her character. Or maybe even remind her that she has pretty eyes (as you do as well, awesome color) or that she’s a great mother. Ok sorry if I’m rambling.

      • Thank you so much for sharing this. I’m glad you’ve found freedom from the bondage of addiction in Christ. Christ was 100% the source of my recovery. You’re absolutely right-you’ve got to fill your mind with things that are good, pure, right, lovely, true, aka Christ. Reading this, it reminded me of another post I think you might find resonates with you: “Stopping the Freight Train” – it’s on the home page. I’m writing this from my phone so i can’t get a link. But gosh, I’m sending you a big hug right now. There is so much freedom in Christ. We all have things in our past that are less-than-lovely. Praise God that He rescued us from those places. Porn, eating disorders, other addictions, rage, jealousy, gambling -whatever it is, we ALL need His saving power in our lives. I commend you for the courage to share this and put that part of your life behind you. I will definitely keep you and your journey in my prayers☺️

      • Thank you… umm… can I get your name? Not trying to make you feel uncomfortable. I’m John and I too will be keeping you lifted! ✌❤ ❤

      • Ok Shweet! It’s totally understandable. I got a shout out coming your way. And the freight train post was awesome, so much so that I reblogged. I appreciate it. I have an incredible weekend!

  25. Wow! What a really good read in the morning (In my country 😀 ) He is always at work, goodness and mercy shall follow us everywhere! I see that you have becoming more vurnerable in your every post. Keep it going sister!

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    • Hey Nathanael, thank you for these kind words! amen to that, He is ALWAYS at work. And what a comfort to know that His mercy endures forever. Thanks for the encouragement friend. Sending hugs and love! happy Friday!

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  26. God’s timing indeed! I was thinking, as I was reading, that God has positioned you exactly where He wants you to be. The Holy Spirit will give you peace and comfort in the time of waiting.

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  27. God did not pull the rug out from under you. God is not a puppetier making everything thing work just so. Free will always comes into play. God is there for you whatever may come your way

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    • Thank you so much for this perspective. You’re right, He is ALWAYS there for His children, and His timing and plan is perfect. Thanks for stopping by! hugs and love xox

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  28. I hear you! Waiting is the hardest thing we’re asked to do. It’s not in our nature. I don’t know your view of discerning God’s will, but the older I get, the simpler I think this is. He wired you a certain way, and you are going to have to listen hard to your wiring and honor it. What will you make of this precious life you’ve been given? He’ll be with you on your grand adventure. You’ll know what to do if you trust you and trust Him. If you make mistakes, He can work with that as well. Pressure’s off to get it exactly “right.” (I am not talking about sin here but morally equivalent life choices.) It’s also good to listen to good counsel, especially if a number of trusted people are warning you against the same thing. Here’s a literally 25-second simplification of the mystery of answering God’s calls by Tim Keller: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s8EMWytDnLY
    Very best to you!

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    • Hi Laura! Thank you so much for this beautiful reflection. You’re right. Waiting. is. hard! You offer some really helpful and wise insight and perspective. thank you for that. You’re right, He will be with me on this grand adventure of life. Thanks for stopping by and for passing along the video! hugs and love xox

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  29. so powerful! God has a plan for everyone and it’s just waiting patiently for Him to show us! best of luck to your future and praying for a peaceful year for you! make it great!

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  30. This is so beautiful. You are such a gem! I feel you, for I’ve been there but not as fortunate as you are, I was not totally in the Lord like you are. Trust your gut instinct and measure everything with the word of God. As Laura wrote, good counsel will do you good. Learn to live life fully in the moment, enjoy what you’ve been blessed with for now. There is more on the horizon friend. Keep hope alive. Peace unto you!

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    • Aw, thank you so much for this encouraging comment! You’re right, living in the moment is so important. and YES! everything with the Word of God. Thank you for stopping by! sending hugs and love xox

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  31. My dear friend you want to move to Canada because your troubles but can it won’t solve anything. I want to move to the US and you want to move to Canada really? Let me tell you some of the upsides of living in Canada although there is free healthcare are taxes are 13%. I know you are a smart woman and God will look after your needs. If you claim to be a child of his then believe what he says that you are more precious to him than silver and gold. Have a blessed day and night think it not strange that we go through the fiery trials Herbalife where are you not in doing good. Always look to Jesus for he shall supply all your needs according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus. God knows what you need before you ask. Read Matthew chapter 6

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    • Hi friend, oh I was just joking about the Canada comment:) You’re right — God WILL look after my needs. I look forward to reading that chapter. Thanks for passing it along. xx

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      • You should know me better than that diverts you joke about the great land of maple syrup flannel t-shirts and of course overpriced Dentistry mainly due to the missing teeth of Canadian hockey players. Joking aside friend continue to walk in faith. I want you to know this no matter what television shows you made acting roles you may play in a movie you can affect the lives of many people however your blog can affect many more lives when the cameras stop rolling. You doing a wonderful job with this blog and I encourage you greatly to keep it up

      • One should never joke about the great land of maple syrup flannel t-shirts an overpriced Dentistry due to missing teeth of Canadian hockey players. Joking aside my friend although you made me famous on television and on film sets and your actions as an actress may affect many however know this your blog can affect many more people when the cameras stop rolling. Keep up the good work and I’ll be praying for you as always your brother in Christ Anthony

      • You are a very popular woman. I know this because somehow I seem to be getting all your emails when people comment on your post. I know we’re friends but I didn’t know where was that close. From 3:30 a.m. 2 1030 I have received 345 emails give or take a few regarding your post

      • No problem at all my friend you’re a joy to have as a friend. I don’t know if you know this but your blog is fulfilling the scripture in Mark chapter 15 verse 16. Go ye into all the nations and preach the gospel. That’s what this blog is doing and because you have sent your dad and your devotionals you have put a face with the smile of God himself and of course me because I love reading them as well. Keep smiling there lady you’re terrific.

  32. John Lennon said that life is what happens to you while you’re making plans. I’m not a big fan of his philosophy but that little gem is quite relevant. And I think the same thing applies in the will of God, as you’ve written. He gets done what he wants done whether we’re aware of it or not, and whether we like it or not

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    • Hi friend, so very true. I love the saying that God gets a good laugh when He hears our plans. He is good and you’re right, His timing is perfect! thanks for stopping by!

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    • Hi Melissa, thank you so much for this reflection. Patience is so difficult! Thankfully we can rest assured that His plans are good! thanks for stopping by! hugs and love xox

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  38. As long as you believe in yourself, you will find romance and oppotunities in your chosen profession. It comes down to faith, persistence and passion for life.

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  39. There is a musical artist, Marie Miller, who sings a song she wrote, entitled, “6’2.” It’s kind of a prayer to God – it follows the prayer, where she gives God a list of “preferences,” in a mate, and the song goes through her changes as time goes by and her “wants,” are not met.

    I was humming that as I read your article!! Eventually, His will and His desires for us will be revealed – in His time.

    Love your perspective!!

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      • Caroline, This is Judy Corriveau. I doubt you will remember me. I’m a fellow blogger. A couple years ago, you inspired me to add you to my very short list of heroes. I’ve been thinking and praying for you a lot lately. There is something I would like to share with you. I don’t even know if you will receive this message as it seems there may be a great demand on your time. But I hope we can connect somehow. My phone number is 780 778-0029 or my email address is djdktscorriveau@outlook.com. God bless you & forgive me if I spelled your name wrong. Hope to hear from you.

      • Thank you so much Judy. I am so honored and humbled that you would put me on your list! What a kind thing. Hugs and love xox

      • Wow you really are amazing, replying to every comment is commendable. I live in Alberta, Canada. So we have 2 time zones between us. Feel free to check out my Facebook page. Judith Corriveau. I’m interviewing my business mentor today at 1pm MST if you are at all curious. My lives are public.

  41. Repent any recent sins, forgive all of other’s transgressions and praise The Father, Son and Holy Spirit. Then, ask Jesus to reveal what it is that God wants you to do. God puts passions in your heart and if they are in keeping with his goodness then God will prosper them. Bless you and let us know how you go.

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  42. I am thanking you for sharing this! I personally needed this a little bit at this moment in my life. We all are wondering if God forget about us and will he ever put us in the direction we hope for. I’m soooo happy you look at it in another light.
    Xoxo, Lady Sergine

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    • Aw thank you so much! I really appreciate your kind words! I just have to find peace knowing that though I do not know what, when, where, why or how, Gods plan is absolutely perfect and good. Thanks for stopping by Lady Sergine! Hugs and love xox

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  43. Sweetie, I love, absolutely LOVE reading your posts:)

    I got the boy. I have the family. And yet, my heart is still restless.

    Your longing is for God. You may not realize it yet, but it’s true. After the pieces fall where they are meant to, your heart will remain restless. It’s part and parcel of our Love for God.

    Blessings to you on your journey towards Him:)

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    • Thank you so much for this reflection. You’re right-God can only fulfill and bring peace to our restless hearts. Thanks for this encouragement. Hugs and love xox

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  44. God is directing your every step friend. His plan for you includes the now. He has given you a talent or two (your blog and the other things you are doing at the moment) and He is watching how faithful you are with the one or two talents He has given you so He can give you more. (He wants to give you more!) As you have been faithful He will give you more and more….So all I am trying to say is, He is faithful and He can be trusted. Your future is bright and He will come through for you!
    Keep on asking, keep on seeking, and continue dreaming big!
    God bless you

    Rolain

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  45. I am thrilled to have found your blog. My gosh–we are on similar roads in different parts of town. I feel like I just read an entry from a kindred spirit. Recover(ing) Ana…considering Canada…completely shot bracket…boy band affecionado, and last but not least, WAITING for God to reveal His will for my life, but feeling terribly distracted from meeting Him halfway at the moment. I just lifted up a quick prayer for you. Godspeed!

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    • Hi friend! Aw thank you so much. Haha yes we are quite similar! The good news is that He WILL reveal his plan–and it is perfect and good. Thanks for the prayers! Sending so much love and hugs! Xox

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  46. Awwww…this is lovely!

    I totally love the fact that your writing is God-based *Amen* The Lord will perfect all that concerns you in Jesus’ Name.

    I’m glad I found your awesome blog 🙂

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  47. God’s plan for you is in your final positive conclusions. Life is lived daily, and you are making each one count, doing what you are, being a blessing to many, the best you can. Many times in my life, I have looked back and seen what happened was right, even when I never understood it at the time. Sometimes, I learned the hard way, that any thing he’s not in will bring heartache. Such a sensitive soul as yours will hear, when the time is right, and your Abba father, will have no trouble making it obvious. God Bless and Shalom.

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    • Hi there friend! Wow, thank you for such kind and encouraging words. It really means a lot. You’re so right-His plan is good and perfect and he will reveal it when the time is right. What a comfort. Thanks for stopping by! Hugs and love xox

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  48. What is the equivalent motto in English? Help yourself and Heaven will help you. As long as you do what’s good for you I think He will give you the extra help. 😉

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  49. You have a very inspiring blog here, and I am glad that you have decided to invest your time in something so great! I know that God will show you His plan for you. God always blesses those that serve Him.

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  50. Wow! I am SO sorry for the frustration and disappointment of your postponed trilogy. Even though it sounds like you were cautiously optimistic, it must still be quite the let down. But, once more, your grace and wisdom are absolutely refreshing!

    I can relate to so much of what you wrote here! Every SINGLE day, sometimes all day long, I pray to God, “Please just show me the path you want me to follow. Show me who you want me to be.” I feel as though my future is this fuzzy, obscure, veiled, shadowy mystery, and I just can’t get there because God “refuses” to show me the way. Except that’s not God’s style! He doesn’t refuse us! Every time I start feeling that way I remind myself, “Wait a minute, this is IT! This IS God answering my prayer right now. It just looks nothing like what I expect.” I wrote a blog post about it last year. https://realadventuresofbecomingme.wordpress.com/2015/10/10/the-drift/

    At that time, I felt like I was pretty directionless, but whenever I prayed about it, I would feel this sense that my purpose was still recovery. Suddenly, just within the last month, things are all changing at work and in my life. It’s quite chaotic, and it looks like there are many personal and professional changes coming in my immediate and long term future. In some ways, this is what I prayed for, but I’m still no more clear on which direction I’m supposed to follow (which is giving me an ulcer!) I know that this is part of God’s plan, but I also miss those drifting days! It just makes me laugh at myself (in my better moments, when I’m not breathing into a brown paper bag). It’s a good thing that God is watching over me, because it’s abundantly clear that I don’t know what’s best!

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    • Hi Lulu! Aw thank you for these encouraging words. Yeah a little disappointing to say the least. But you’re so right – God is always leading us towards His path, we just sometimes can’t recognize it. How exciting about the upcoming changes! Though I’m sorry they’re giving you an ulcer! Oh no! I will definitely life you up in prayer. And I look forward to checking out that post. Thanks for passing it along! Sending love and hugs my friend! Xoxo

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  51. Great word! After 73 years I think I’m finally getting it about God’s plan. It has to do with mindfulness in the moment. What hair I have left Father has it counted; so, I think He knows the moments of this day for which I have planned. He has put before me certain task (writing my blog) that I focus on until He changes my direction or informs me via the Holy Spirit of a new road I am to travel. My history has been one of not waiting long for God … like Saul. That has not worked so well to say the least! Anyway, you hit the nail on the head! Thanks and Blessings!

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    • Hi Tom! Thank you so much for this encouragement. Mindfulness in the moment. What a beautiful thought. Thanks for this lovely reflection. Sending love and hugs xox

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  52. It’s true it gets really hard when life doesn’t go as planned. It’s easy to start questioning God and wondering why certain things are happening but we have to keep our trust in Him and remember that He is with us. Everything comes with His timing and He is the Best of Planners! He will always, always always show us the way, we just have to wait <3

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    • Hi Chelsea! Thank you so much for this. You’re right-keeping our trust in Him is so important! And amen to that–the BEST of planners:) hehe thanks for stopping by! Sending hugs and love xox

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  53. Great post BBB! There is a popular contemporary christian song being played on the radio called “Diamonds” by Hawk Nelson. Great music and here is a sample of some lyrics “he’s making diamonds out of dust…he’s making diamonds out of us!” If you get a chance, check it out. Peace to you.

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    • Glad that you have found peace with God’s plan for your life. It is really true that our own plans often don’t work out but that what happens can be better than what we planned. You are right that we can choose what mood to be in whether positive or negative. It is hard work to change your ways of thinking to positive ones but I and many other I know in recovery from addiction have done it.

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      • Hi Caroline! Thank you so much for this encouragement. You’re right, His plans are always better than we could ever imagine. What a comforting thought. Thanks for stopping by! Hugs and love xox

  54. I know how you feel… I’ve been in your shoes many times, waiting on God’s plan… and when he reveals it, it’s not always what I expected or wanted, but it’s always better than I could have imagined! Keep being patient! It will be worth it!

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  58. Such a spiritually nourishing post, thank you. I so like that you turn it all over to God, every care, every worry. We can trust him to provide. I cannot tell you how many times in hindsight something I thought I needed to happen would have been an utter disaster. I was confused and frustrated with God’s no at the time, but see now why His no was His looking out for me, into a future I could not comprehend. God Bless!

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    • Hi April! Aw thank you so much. I’m glad it resonated with you:) yes, it’s sometimes hard to see, but our Father always has the best in mind for us. His plans are perfect! Thanks for stopping by! Hugs and love xox

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  60. Really enjoyed this, and know the feeling. There have been many times in my life that I have prayed for something, and the answer was, “Yes, but you need to wait.” Sometimes I have not heard the “you need to wait” part of it, and have gone ahead and said, “oh, this must be it”, and when I was wrong, “Oh that must be it!” and set out to make the answer happen because I knew the answer was yes, but didn’t hear the wait part. Over the many years in my growing relationship with the Holy Spirit I have learned that when God opens the door it is very easy to go through, but when you try to force the door open usually you get a lot of splinters for your troubles. While picking out the splinters you grow a bit, but trusting him is so much less painful. I am glad to read that you are waiting for the Lord’s guidance. I am sure that even while you wait you are on a path that you just don’t recognize as the path. Enjoy the rest that God is giving you!

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    • Thank you for this reflection, Charlene! Oh gosh waiting is SO HARD! I live that imagery wig the splinters. How very true. Thanks for this awesome perspective. Hugs and love xox

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  62. Beautiful! I think most of us go through stages where we question what God’s plan is for our lives. But like you said so eloquently, the only cure for the restlessness that inevitably comes from this question is being still in God’s presence. Have you heard “Restless” by Audrey Assad? One of my favorite songs…

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  63. My verse this week was Proverbs 3:5-6 Trust God from the bottom of your heart; don’t try to figure everything out on your own. Listen for God’s voice in everything you do, everywhere you go; He’s the one who will keep you on track ….. Needless to say I can totally relate!

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    • Hi Tiffany, oh my gosh I love that verse! Thank you for sharing it. Amen to that, trust in our loving and merciful Father. Thanks for stopping by! hugs and love xox

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  64. […] Over the past few days, I’ve seen several Facebook posts about people who are going through the same season of change and the same search for direction. Yesterday I read a post by another blogger who I follow. She was talking about the same thing. She expected her life to be going a certain direction when things just didn’t work out. Now she is seeking God’s direction and working on being still and waiting on Him. Her site is Beauty Beyond Bones and you can read her post by clicking here. […]

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  65. “After this, the word of the Lord came to Abram in a vision: ‘Do not be afraid, Abram. I am your shield, your very great reward.’” (Genesis 15:1, NIV)
    A long time ago, Jesus met with me at a crossroads in my life. Everything was falling through, and I was SCARED. But, in that place, Christ put something on my heart: that to be with Him, even in a valley or a place of not knowing where Jesus will take me– is better than not being close to Him and “putting everything into my own hands.” It’s like Isaiah 43: “When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze” (Isaiah 43:2, NIV). If He is with us, whether it’d be through fire, or green pasture– if He leads us into it, He is with us through it, and that is all that matters.
    I know how scary, and anxiety-creating, seasons of life like this are. But I want to encourage you, my sister in Christ, and friend: Jesus knows EXACTLY what He is doing. Everything you were planning on might fall through– the romantic interests could leave, filming could dry up, and everything else in life could get difficult. But if Jesus is there, there is NOTHING to be afraid of. There is only closeness to be gained! Because, in the end, HE is your Shield; and HE is your Reward.
    Love you, sister. Praying!! Rest in Jesus!! 🙂 <3

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    • “Your very great reward.” What a comforting thought. Thank you so much for sharing this. You offer such beautiful perspective. Thank you for the encouraging and kind words. And I appreciate the prayers. You will be in mine too! Hugs and love xox

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      • It’s all Jesus 🙂 He led me to share those words with you! I pray He and His Word would stew in your heart today 🙂 Thank you for your prayers, too! Prayers for healing in both my life, and the life of my friend, would be very appreciated! Love to you in Christ <3

  66. I love reading your blogs, they’re always so genuine! I’m sorry it’s hard sometimes trying to figure out what exactly God wants to do in your life. I’m on the same page as you, I get it. We love the Lord so we’ll just continue to trust, no other option lol!

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    • Hi friend! Aw thank you so much:) that really means a lot. Amen to that–trust and be patient with His timing. Thanks for stopping by! Sending hugs and love! Xox

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  67. Beauty! Good to read you again! I have a few thoughts jumbled together, so I’ll just jump in and see if I can make sense.

    Because of free will, not even God can steer a car that’s not rolling. Waiting to discover God’s will for your life is like parking in your drive, wondering why you can’t see the mountains (if you live in northern Ohio). Not that I think you don’t, but keep rolling, baby!

    Without getting too buried in it, I read a series of novels with a couple characters who lived centuries. One lived thousands of years. Both were prescient – could see the future in minute detail, The latter longed for the day he’d know the joy of surprise again.

    The lesson? God’s will is that you DISCOVER your life, not wonder what it will be. It’s a gift that takes decades to unwrap, and that should be a joy. Ever see a kid just sitting before the tree Christmas morning, wishing and praying for the presents to open? Aw, HELLS no!

    You are a smart, tough cookie! Just keep tugging at the ribbons and tearing at the paper, because when you least expect it…life HAPPENS!!! Love & hugs to you!

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    • Hi Jeff! Yes! Keep rolling indeed. That’s such great advice. Thank you for that perspective. And amen to that. He wants us to discover our lives. What a beautiful thought. Thank you so much, as always, for you heartfelt encouragement and wisdom. It means the world. Thanks for reading friend. Hugs and love xox

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  68. The first thing I thought in the first few paragraphs is he’s unraveling His will even now, but then you said it yourself! I have found in my triumphs and my losses that all things really do work for my good and point down the path He would have me to go.

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    • Hi friend! Thank you so much X for this encouragement. You’re so right- he will use absolutely everything for good. What a comfort! Thanks for stopping by! Hugs and love xox

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      • I have to remind myself constantly that He knows the plans He has for me. Though the journey may be uncomfortable the outcome is always better than we could have imagined. I have had similar thoughts to you lately so I can relate. Thanks for sharing. Your sweet spirit is evident in your responses and your posts.

  69. This is me! I have asked God about certain things that just don’t seem to be panning out!, I too feel ready for a new relationship. I feel like it needs to happen soon because I feel at the age of 27 I’m feel like this needs to happen as I’m not getting any younger and that if it doesn’t happen now that it won’t happen at all. But I know I need to trust God which I do he has shown so much, including the first thing he is calling me to do. Which is a small thing but it is big in my heart 😊 I hope God fits more pieces of the puzzle together for you you deserve so much happiness x

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    • Hi Benjamin! Thank you so much for this reflection. It’s so hard to be patient. Especially in the love department. I so feel ya! yes, trust trust trust! Thanks for stopping by! hugs and love xox

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      • Hey Lovely I had a good Sunday, God spoke to me so much yesterday, but today I had a difficult day but i managed to deal with it 🙂 I went to a church near to find out about what god is doing in my town, in the first 5 minutes I was blown away by such a powerful testimony, that more than confirms how amazing our god is <3

  70. You are getting ahead of me. Once you read my next installment – if you have time (I see you are getting really popular) you’ll understand what I mean. I have the same struggles in knowing, being assured I am at that place in my walk He would have me to be, and when. It is hard for me to let go, be content with where I am. I always feel like I should be doing more. As for you, though, I believe, and this is just me, you are doing exactly what God wants you to do – at least for now. I know, for me, finding you – your blog – has been part of His plan. I wish I could explain, but then, I think you know what I mean. I believe you are very perceptive. I haven’t finished your initial series, but the “feeling really restless in my heart recently” line seized my attention. For goodness sake, I found myself “worried” about you and had to read on to make sure you are okay. The thing is I need you – and I realize how weird that sounds – but I feed off your work, your experiences, your faith. It inspires me. I don’t know how else to explain it. No, I would not quit doing God’s work if you and I never had another exchange, but it definitely drives me, knowing you – and others – are out there, helping, guiding, and inspiring others. Alright, I’ll shut up. Just know, I pray for you every day.

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    • Oh my goodness, thank you so much. what incredible encouragement. your prayers and kind words mean so much. i’m glad that my posts resonate with your heart. I’ll definitely check out your post! truly, friend, your words have touched me heart this evening. i’m grateful for you. sending hugs and love xox

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  71. This was amazingly honest! Thank you for posting this, I also find myself in the same position as yourself, unable to completely see what God has got prepared for my life but this post definitely help me feel like I’m not the only one! Thank you for this.

    He is faithful.

    Xx

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  73. Oh girl, I feel like I could have written this! It’s my 10-year high school reunion this summer, and it has totally thrown me for a loop. (I even wrote a blog about it not too long ago!) I’ve really wrestled with the 10-year reunion, not to mention nearing my 30th birthday, and the fact that I am nowhere near where I planned on being at this point in my life. Furthermore, the lack of concrete direction in my life at the moment truly freaks me out because (as a commercial so eloquently states), I’m a “control enthusiast!” Ha! But seriously, as I thought about it more, I eventually came to the conclusion that my life has not gone according to my plan–at all–but it has gone exactly according to God’s plan, which is comforting and gives me hope that the best is yet to come because honestly? Who knows better–Jill and her narrow-minded self or the Magnificent Creator of the Universe?! I know it probably sounds cliche or even a ridiculous question, but it truly helps me keep perspective in the moments where I feel directionless and like I’m flailing around trying to figure out this thing called life. Anyway, I expressed myself much better in my blog, but after a crazy long week at work, this is the best I’ve got right now. Ha! I always love reading your posts, though, and I thank you for always being authentic and genuine. You resonate with people more than you know! Xo

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    • Hi Jill! Aw thank you so much for this beautiful reflection. That really means a lot. Truly-thank you. You speak the truth here my friend! Gods plan, though we may not be able to understand it in the moment is good and perfect and in perfect timing — which is usually the hardest part, at least for me. Patience, as they say, is a virtue 😂 10 year reunion…I hope it is a wonderful experience. You’re exactly where you should be, so walk in there with your head up:) ❤️❤️❤️ thanks for stopping by! Hugs and love xox

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      • Timing and patience are two of the hardest elements of trusting in God’s plan for me, too. When I was 10, I literally wrote out a plan for my life, and it’s been so, so hard to let that go. But, I was getting so frustrated that things weren’t happening when 10-year-old Jill thought they should that the only thing I could do was let go. It’s something I work on every single day, but in really trying to work on being content in the moment and trusting that God’s got it all figured out already! ☺️❤️

      • Yeah letting go of how we thought things should go can be tough. I feel ya. I’m just trying to dwell in the comfort that God’s plan for us is beyond our wildest dreams! ☺️☺️☺️

      • Jill I recently read your post or comment post and I’m interested in reading this blog of yours because you’re so eloquent with words but I can’t help but want to reheat things about your life because if you’re this funny in a comment post I can only imagine how comical your blogs will be coming to my other y dry but salty sense of humor.

      • Aw, thanks for the kind words! I try and weave humor into my posts (as I do in my daily life) because I truly believe laughter is the best medicine. Hopefully it also helps make my posts a little more relatable, but you’d have to be the judge of that yourself! 😊 Feel free to check it out… I don’t know if you can see my profile or the link from my comment, so, if you can’t, it’s at beginyourstory.wordpress.com. 😊

      • Yes sometimes laughter is the best medicine and when medicine doesn’t work God walks within us even when doctors say we have no hope we have a hope in Jesus. I understand from your profile that you’re recovering anorexic however know this God Wants You Well in all things spiritually physically and financially. Which means you must yield to the spirit of God daily to listen to his instructions listen to that still small voice that says that you could do all things through Christ who strengthens you. But beware the enemy for he goes about as a roaring lion seeking whom he may devour yield to the spirit of God resist the devil and he will flee from you. You could be sick for you from everybody that you have in your life with the help of the power of God the Son and the Holy Spirit. and know this God loves you he says in his word that you are more precious than silver and gold and I don’t know about you but that’s pretty special I think that’s pretty special remember this It also says in the word that there will be joy in heaven over one person that repents more than ninety-nine just persons that need no repentance. You to the spirit of God daily ask him to give you strength to face the challenges of life. Challenge the devil with the power of God within you that you will bulldoze him over and make it flatter than a pancake. God Wants You Well however the enemy wants to destroy you the enemy wants to destroy all of God’s children you can be happy you can be strong you can be healthy with in the Lord Nehemiah chapter 8 verse 10 states the joy of the Lord is our strength

  74. He is GOD, and He will take care of you. Isaiah 41:10, ‘Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed ; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness.’ Because of Jesus, Em

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    • Hi Em! How are you friend?! Amen to that. Thank you for passing along this beautiful verse. Such comfort in knowing that He is always with us. So that no matter what we’re going through, we always have Him by our side as a helper, guide and friend. I needed to hear that! Thanks love☺️ So glad you stopped by! Have a beautiful weekend! Hugs and love xox

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  75. April fools has been a bad day. I think I was the one being fooled by it. I dunno, all I can say about that movie business is what Isaiah said something about the day of the Lord coming on all the pleasant pictures (Isaiah 2:16). I never knew what that verse of scripture meant, but I’ve always wondered if maybe it did mean something, particularly as pertains to the film industry.

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    • Hi Daniel, hmm that’s a very interesting thought. I’ve never thought about it in that sense before. Hmm 🤔 I’m sorry April fools has been less than lovely. Hope tomorrow is a better day for you! Sending love and hugs xox

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      • Thanks. Yea, I’ve been ripped to ribbons on different blogs today over my views of life. I guess I deserve, some say, for believing like I do.

      • Well, thanks for that. I like watching movies, but I think being an actor would feel too mechanical and unnatural to have to “act” instead of “be yourself.” How do you do that?

      • That was something I thought I was going to struggle with as well. But I’m a method actor. So basically you find something in the character and situation that you can relate to, and then go back to a time when you yourself were feeling or experiencing the same thing, and then just respond out of that truth. It makes it more authentic and so you’re not “acting” but rather are grounded in a reality you’ve experienced before.

      • I hate to be so caustic, but (and supposing you really are as religious as you say) when you mention how much fun you “are going to have…” this summer with friends, etc., I do remember that Jesus once said, Take no thought for tomorrow. Sufficient is the day and the evil therein. I, personally, can’t ever go into even so much as tomorrow with my thoughts. How many times might I be blindsided just today, and how am I to be ready for that (particularly if I’m dreaming of how wonderful Christmas is going to be…etc.)? Nain. I have always gotten a lot of flak for putting religion into everything, so I don’t care if you see me as excessive or over-the-top or compulsive in that regard. I just feel like I would have no life if I didn’t pounce like a tiger on the opportunities to find cracks in a person’s “supposed” foundation. Really, I’m not trying to dis your Christianity. Let people be who they are, who they want to be. I’m just staying, I know so many “Christians” that, like they say in Spanish–De la boca para afuera–and nothing more. I’m not saying you’re like this. I don’t want to judge you. I’m not very into Jesus, anymore (I was at one time.) I read your blog, and I find it reeking of Jesus, and maybe possibly the way I once thought about him. But life has been cruel. Life has been unkind. I have become, above all things, a Nihilist. To be true, I would explain Nihilism is a way out of pain. When the pain is so intense, Nihilism is the best escape. It’s like going down the bottomless pit of hell and finding an exit at the bottom. A worm hole, if you will, out of hell. People love to dis me, to trash me on my viewpoints of Nihilism. The last time we talked, you mentioned that you looked up the definition of the word, but you never said what it meant to you or anything about what kind of emotional response that term and its definition gave you? Anyway, I probably should shut up. If Jesus is real, he might get mad at me.

      • Hi Dan, I’m sorry that you feel life has been cruel and unkind. That breaks my heart. I wish I could give you a big hug through the screen right now. But you know, I can relate to that-we all have things in our past that are hurtful and painful. Times when life has been unfair or a struggle. Hell, look at my past with anorexia and ulcerative colitis. Believe me when I say that I get it. So hang in there. Things will get better. In regards to nihilism, I have to admit, I had to look it up again just now haha…and I want to say that I’m sorry that you’ve felt that rejecting all beliefs is your answer. For me personally, the only way I have been able to get through everything in life is by clinging to Jesus and His promises. And in the mean time have found incredible freedom. And peace. And hope. And that’s why I can get excited about the summer and tomorrow and things in the future. Because I trust that He does have a good plan for me and that I am His cherished daughter that He wants to delight. And He does…I see it again and again and again in everyday life. I understand when you say we aren’t promised tomorrow. That’s very true. My best friend’s dad and sister died unexpectedly, and then found out her mom had breast cancer. So yes, life is unexpected and there are no guarantees, but He has given me today and that is to be lived. And if tomorrow brings something tragic, I will trust Him to get me through it. Like He always does. So, yes. This blog does “reek” of Jesus, but that’s only because I literally wouldn’t be here without Him. But all that being said, I respect your views and beliefs. We are all trying to navigate this thing called life. And I’m not here to judge anyone. I’m just here to love and encourage:) hugs my friend xox

      • My dad was never a happy man. Maybe I was just destined to be unhappy. De tal palo tal astilla. The apple never falls far from the tree. Like father like son. Anyway, I think that’s just my fate. Watching him be miserable all my life, I’ll probably never escape the misery he is in.

      • I hope that is not the case. You deserve an abundant life full of joy and love❤️❤️❤️I always have to remind myself that joy is a choice. And that whenever I’m feeling down, to think about everything that I am grateful for. I know it sounds cheesy but it works.

      • Is joy a choice? I would like to think that emotions can be independent of situations, circumstances, and surroundings, but I don’t know if I can believe that. The things I do affect me greatly. Stopping everything to convince myself that I should feel joy without having any definite reason…I just don’t think my analytical brain would accept that.

      • Hmm, I can see that. For me, joy is a choice – it is not an emotion, which are fleeting. But it is a state of being. it stems from gratitude. I think there’s a huge difference between joy and happiness. Like say my dog dies, yes I will be sad and yes I will definitely not be happy. That’s an emotion. But joy-that’s a state of being. I can still have an underlying foundation of joy that I had the precious time I did with my dog, and grateful for those years. I can still find joy in the sadness but it is a choice. I guess it’s a heart thing. Ok off now to brunch with my friends so I may not be able to respond so promptly. Have a beautiful day! Hugs and love xox

      • You know, maybe you’re right, Beebs, I do have things to be thankful for. Nothing since October 2000, but up until October 2000, there were things that I can be thankful for. Post-October 2000, no. But maybe I’m just searching for something I can’t find. Something to be grateful for in the present since October 2000. If I just expand my memory back to pre-October 2000, as it were, pre-historic times, maybe I would find joy there, like you say. I dunno, whaddaya think? I’ve decided to terminate my writing of posts, but I think it would be great to keep commenting on blogs like yours, you know, bug all you Jesus freaks out there in the blogosphere. You don’t mind, do you?

      • Hi Daniel! Beebs:) hehe I like that😎😎😎(I’m a hugs biebs (Bieber) fan, so that’s pretty fitting😂) Gosh, October 2000. I’m sorry that you feel that there’s nothing to be thankful for since then! That’s a long time ago! I know that for me, during seasons of change or trials, when you’re in the midst of everything, it can be hard to see those things i have to be joyful about and thankful for. But they’re there. You just have to turn over some rocks, dig a little bit deeper, brush away the cobwebs—but they’re there. I hope you do continue blogging. Your voice matters 🙂 and I always welcome your comments☺️ sending hugs and love xox

  77. What is encouraging is you remaining close to God! God expects our questions and reveals His answers in such unique. For example, I walked away from God for many years….after my return to faith, I could see God never walked away from me. Always there, simply waiting.

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    • Hi Rick! Oh thank you so much. You’re absolutely right- His answers are SO unique. So glad that you’ve found your faith again! That’s so awesome. Sending hugs and love xox

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    • Wow, thank you so much! Oh my gosh I am so touched that you would do that! I can’t wait to read it☺️ hope you have just a beautiful weekend! Sending hugs and love xox

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  81. So love your comment on the USA presidential election candidates … and yes, God’s timing … always fascinating … busy with my novel, tried to cut out all extras, now selling a house and expecting a grandchild, plus a few other things … still hopefully writing novel no. 3 but no, have not got more time after all!

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  82. I can’t wait to read your first blog post from Canada! Only joking, I suspect that no presidential candidate will force you to emigrate.

    Interesting insight into your recent hopes. I hope that this summer proves the most spiritually rewarding of your life thus far.

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  83. You know B, the hardest thing I’ve had to learn (and that I’m still learning – I still know so little) has been to rest in the finished work of Jesus’ love for me. Because first and foremost, before I get out into the world, even before I get to my youthgroup or worship-leading, that’s all he’s calling me to do – rest and dwell in him, gaze on the light of his face and… everything else comes as a natural result. Feel like a failed screw-up (am a failed screw-up)? Rest. Feel purposeless? Rest. Don’t know where he’s leading me next? Rest. Gaze. Dwell. That’s job one. And when he dwells in me, and I in him, gosh I won’t say it gets easier, per se.. but I don’t worry so much about where he’s taking me, it all comes so naturally from a posture of rest and looking at the face of Jesus (:

    Happy Saturday! (:

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    • Hey Carson! What a beautiful reflection. Seriously wow. This has given me so much peace. You’re absolutely right: rest in Jesus and everything will fall into place when where and how it’s supposed to. Thanks for stopping by! Have a great weekend! Xox

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  84. What a wonderful read. You do have a lot of great things going on in your life, and you’re an absolutely beautiful woman, so I’m sure the boy situation will work itself out soon. I’m not a patient person myself, so it’s difficult for me to give someone the advice of being patient and things will work out, but that’s all the advice I have to give. It sounds like you have a very solid foundation, so when things start to fall in place, they have somewhere firm to land, and won’t risk damaging other parts of your life.

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    • Thank you so much! Oh my gosh wow that’s so kind of you to say. Yes, patience is what I’m trying to practice right now! Thanks for stopping by! Hugs and love xox

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  85. I’ve been there. I remember very clearly not knowing where in the world God was leading me. This poem that I received in Confirmation prep at Church was a HUGE comfort in that period of my life:

    “I don’t want to waste my time here on this earth… When you’re put here it’s for a reason. The Lord wants you to do something. If you don’t know what, then you’ve got to try hard to find out what. It may take time, you may make mistakes. He won’t hand you a piece of paper with a map on it, no sir. He’ll whisper something. And at first you may not even hear. But if you trust in Him and keep turning to Him, it will all be alright.”

    My prayer has eventually become, “God lead me wherever you want. Use me as much as possible to bring you glory.” And after I started praying that, I really started to feel God showing me how I could help in specific ways. Grace be with you!! 🙂

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    • Wow what a powerful poem. Thank got so much for sharing that with me and for your kind and encouraging words. How true-it’s in gentle whispers where the lord communicates-not of a road map. Have a beautiful Sunday! Hugs and love xox

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  86. I smiled as I read the conclusion of your post. It sounds so familiar! I’ll remind your heart and mine that it’s in the still moments when “nothing” is happening that God is doing EVERYTHING inside us. As for the boys, stick to it. You will only get a leader if you let him lead first. 🙂 God bless your day.

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    • Hi Yolanda! Thank you for this encouragement. It really means a lot. I love that-God IS doing everything inside of us, even when it may feel like we’re at a stagnant point in our lives. Thanks for stopping by! Hugs and love xox

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  87. I’m SO thankful for this post. I am currently waiting until tonight to find out my fate if I got my dream internship. I have had trouble sleeping all week, and everyone keeps telling me to calm down, God has a plan for you. And I KNOW He does, but it is still hard to just “calm down,” especially with my anorexic tendency of perfectionism. So I really appreciate this post because I feel like we are in very similar situations. I keep a note on my computer homescreen with 1 Peter 5:7 “Cast all you anxiety on HIM because HE cares for you.” xoxo

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    • Hi friend! Thank you so much for these kind words. I love that verse. So true. He DOES care for us and his plans (and timing!) are good and perfect. I’ll say a prayer for you for the internship! Good luck! ☺️ sending hugs and love xox

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  90. Funny how things work out. It’s said, “Everything happens for a reason.” On so many levels I’ve learned throughout my life that his phrase falls ever so true. We never know why God chooses, changes, or creates moments for us. Only that we part of the BIG PLAN This was a really good post. I enjoyed it. when i reflect on what you said, I think about things like:
    ~~It’s almost as if something bad could of happened, or were being protected from something, when things like that happen. Like a blessing in disguise. We never know because we only know what were feeling from the impact.~~

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    • Hi friend! Thank you so much for this encouragement. I’m glad you liked it! You’re right-so much of life is a blessing in disguise. Part of the big plan. We just have to trust and surrender. Thanks for stopping by! Hugs and love xox

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  91. Thank you for this. I really needed this today. I have also been trying to look at my life in this manner, and some days it is hard to that as I’m sure you know. Especially when other people around me seem to have their life figured out. I feel like I know part of the plan, now I just have to accept it.

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    • Hi friend! Thank you for these kind words. So glad it resonated with you. I totally feel you. Accepting the plan can be so hard. Thanks for stopping by. Hugs and love xox

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  92. Amen sister! I have to remind myself continually that in all likelihood, MY plans will never come to fruition- only His will! And in submitting myself completely to that idea, I’m brought peace. When living for Him, everything will be as it should, even when it looks NOTHING like what we’ve imagined. Even if it means suffering in this life, we’ve been promised so much more in eternal life.

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    • Hi Corinne! Thank you for this reflection. You’re so right, we are promised so much more in eternity. What a comfort. And yes-there is peace in surrender. Thanks for this perspective! Hugs and love xox

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  93. I am not religious as much as I am spiritual! Especially with a grandson with brain cancer! However what I have been TOLD by a true believer is to pray for what you need specifically! I always thought I needed to thank him, praise him, Lord’s Prayer etc… I still say those prayers but I also tried asking for VERY specific things, and guess what? Most of them have happened. Maybe give it a try?
    Regardless, a good read – Thank You!

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    • Hi Stephanie! Thank you so much for this reflection. Oh gosh I’m so sorry about your grandson. I will keep him in my thoughts and prayers. And you’re so right. Prayer changes things! Thanks for stopping by! Sending hugs and love xox

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  95. All glory to God. The Holy Spirit is so evident in your writing, in the way you progress from feeling restless to your sense of peace. I hope that you continue to use the gift that He has given you to share how great He is with everyone. I think it was Charles Stanley who said in his sermon, and I paraphrase… that waiting is not passive, rather it is an active process of our will to continually seek God in order to allow His will to unfold in our lives. We are only human, and restlessness is part of our condition… but if we keep our eyes fixed on the unseen and allow God, not our feelings, to be our master… then we will be OK.
    Ps. I too love the Backstreet Boys!
    Blessings

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  96. This post really touched me because it hits close to home, especially pleading to God- what do you want to do with my life? And of course, as always, when I least expected it, it was revealed… Not through a “career” or a worldly measurement, but by the fact that we share our lives with Him in the center…and yes, your writing is definitely a divine tool! Thank you for using your spiritual gift in writing. You will lbe in my prayers 🙂

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    • Thank you so much! I really appreciate the prayers and the encouragement! I’m glad it resonated with you. Isn’t it always when we least expect it?! God’s timing….always worth waiting for. thanks for stopping by! hugs and love xox

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  97. Dear BBB,
    God bless you! Believe it or not, there are MANY who feel the very same way you do….me included! That is the reason I started writing my blog, Ancient Threads. It seems my whole life, I have had to fight someone or something including myself. HA! You know everything we do as Christians is to be done as if we’re doing it for the Lord…it’s biblical. I have tried to live that worshipful life most of my life. Each job I have taken on, is to in some way, to honor God. And JUST when I think I know what I’m supposed to do, the rug ALWAYS gets pulled out from under me! I never see my goal come to full fruition! I always reach my goals but I never am allowed to see where it is going to take me! It’s very disheartening. Along the way, I’ve also lost many “friends”…huh, friends, right? I have much I want to do in a world that doesn’t seem to want me. I know it’s the enemy frustrating my efforts, trying to make me give up on God and life, I refuse! So, I took up top blogging. Allot of times, I will start writing on my blog thinking I know where it’s going only to have Holy Spirit redirect it! Allot of times I’m in awe, not of the end product as much as that God actually spoke to me! Most of my blogs have been that way! God is sooo good, and He will not ever leave me (you) or forsake me (you)! There is great comfort in that. <3 I have now took up acrylic painting, something I have wanted to do a very long time! There's healing in it…there's healing in the arts!

    There are going to be days you will feel like you have no direction and others, where you THINK you're going the right direction only for God to redirect you again. lol!! Our job as his saints is to listen and follow. Only He knows where He's leading you, it's our job to listen and follow. Hard sometimes but an exciting journey none the less. 😉

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    • Hi Darlene! Thank you for this beautiful reflection! You’re so right- we should try to honor God in everything we do. What a great perspective. I’m so glad you’ve found blogging to be such a fruitful outlet for you! Amen to that. Listen and follow. Thanks for stopping by! Hugs and love xox

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      • BBB,
        Thank you for responding. When you respond to other’s comments,
        it gives validation to that individual and gives them encouragement.
        Love/Hugs! <3

      • Hello again Darlene! Aw thank you. Yeah, I really do appreciate when people take the time to read and respond! It is very humbling. So yeah, I just wanted to say thank YOU for that! They seriously make my day! 🙂 hugs and love to you friend! Happy Tuesday!

  101. I hope the movies still pan out for you! Thanks for sharing; I’m right with you on wondering what’s next and what I should do about it. So glad I came across your blog. I’ve no experience in ED, but I certainly know what it’s like to struggle!

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  102. Such an honest heartfelt post. I’ve been feeling that same lately, like I’m drifting, trying to find my direction. I have faith that we will both find our way. Hugs to you.

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  103. If we feel anxious in the doing, it’s usually because we are forcing ourselves onto the world. When we rest in him, we project love into the world, and find peace in the doing.

    Keep shining, sister!

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    • Thank you so much Brian. Youre so right when we rest in Him, not only is it good for us, but also those around us. Thanks for stopping by! Have a great night! Xoxox

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  105. Okay. I read this post before and really enjoyed it. I enjoyed it so much that I just read it again. Now I am back to let you know 🙂 Though my “like” feels like it’s lost int he crowd, and my comment way back there in the back, you have a wonderful way of bringing people to the front.

    I truly feel the same way about life. Only, my life has been drifting for years. To the point of wanting to just fall off the edge of the world. (Oh yeah, the world is supposedly round) Then, there I was. Waiting for…for anything to just happen and then…God happened. Now my life is upside down and inside out and everything has so much meaning and beauty but, at the same time, I have no idea where I stand within it all. Like a roller coaster that is going up the long hill and, well, soon I’m going to go down the other side and I have no idea how steep it is or,,, wait a minute, this is your blog. What am I doing? Just gabbing away on your blog. (slowing sneaking away)

    I really enjoyed your post. 🙂

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    • Haha no no, don’t sneak away! 😎😂 thanks again Matthias:) I love that: God happened. You’re so right-life with God is all over the place. Always an adventure and yet filled with so much joy and peace. Yes there will still be struggles and hard days, but what a comfort to know that even if we do fall, He’ll always be there to catch us. That’s such a comforting thought. And also, even though we may feel like we’re drifting, we’re never out of His sight. Thanks for this great reflection, friend. Hugs and love xox

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      • That is the best part. Joy and peace amid the seeming chaos. Though it really isn’t chaos. It just seems to be. What will the Lord put on my agenda when I wake up tomorrow. Before God was welcome in my life yes, he may have been watching but I just woke up to nothingness. Now I have no idea what bright light bulb the Lord will place above my head each morning, guiding me on a new adventure within the day while, at the same time, being at peace within. That is the amazing part. You are so right. Okay, I won’t sneak away. 🙂 I will just gab away. I’m good at that. 🙂

      • It just hit me. “Choreographed chaos”. A perfect and also wonderful description! Have a beautiful night. May the Lord bless you with much peace, joy and happiness on the wonderful path to His glory.

  106. In a moment of weakness I read this post. What you say is exactly right! Thanks for the reminder. God bless. I hope you and believe that God will grant you your righteous desires 🙂

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  107. Great read I feel exactly the same he who began a good work is faithful to complete it …he wants us to lean our entire human personality on him in complete trust and reliance that his plans his ways are higher than our own. …keep the faith

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  108. Great post! Sounds like you are on the right path! Continue pushing forward with Good intentions and I’m certain you will find all your dreams and goals attainable! Hold your head up, you’re doing great!

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  109. Thank you for being so honest with where you are. His plan is always to prosper us but in ways that we could never imagine. Don’t give up in His time it will all happen.

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  111. You’re not alone in the restless feeling you are having either… believe me! Another great post. For everything there is a season… this always helps me when I find myself in the throws of restlessness.

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  112. “It may not be my timing” is the phrase everyone needs at some point in their lives. It struck me after reading this that we are all waiting for something. What is it they say, ‘God works in mysterious ways’? Be patient, dear one. Breathe and let God reveal His plan for you in His perfect time. I love this. Thank you for writing! ❤️, Z

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  113. Drifting can be a time when God shapes us to receive the purpose he has for us. Doing some of the same right now. What’s important is to keep your spiritual habits intact – keep praying and reading Scripture, not with an agenda of getting out of the in-between times (hard to fight that feeling down) but simply to better know and glorify God. And to know that you are loved because God is loving, not because you are doing anything in particular. Thanks for sharing the honesty and the questions it generates. Prayers for you this morning.

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    • Hi there! That’s so true. It does shape us. It’s hard to always see, but God is the best author, and He is writing a good and perfect story for us. Thanks for stopping by! Hugs and love xox

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  115. Good for you to realize that just because human plans change doesn’t mean God’s given up or isn’t doing something. “It’s not about the waiting,” Joyce Meyer says, “it’s how you behave while you’re waiting.” 🙂

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  116. Be still is good words for all us to hear when we get restless. I remember wrestling with God so to speak over my future for about a year after graduating Bible college back in 2011. My life felt like it was in limbo waiting for something—or something to happen—but it seemed to be taking forever to to so.
    I remember being so foolish as to attempt to argue with God like my two year tries when she wants to do something else other than what I asked. But at the time I was a grad, working cheese promos and filling jobs at the office as a graphic designer. I was sunday school teacher for young preteen girls, but not much else was happening.
    I know I needed to be doing more, but impatience gets the best of me a lot.
    Perhaps I can say our soul gets a little “antsy” when we feel something is comming, but we’re a little afraid it might not happen. Or we have hopes of something happening and worried God’s plan might not be as good as we think.
    It took a whole year of this limbo that I had to wait—remember Eve’s comma? But waiting for what I never really knew until my first trip in a long while to my home state with the man who (unbeknownst to me) would spend his time there during that week asking family if it would be okay to chase after me. Even after this trip it would still be a few more months before he would ever ask and six more (what seemed like agonizing) months of waiting until he asked the big question. I was pushing 29 at the time and worried God would never let me be a wife or motherlike I wanted until after I was 30. Way to push the timer there!
    But even so it was a waiting period. perhaps my whole life has been filled with waiting periods—or commas—pauses for the next thing, good, difficult, or otherwise.
    Keep doing what your doing. when your feeling restless write or talk to God. He’ll listen even when we’re being brash about it. And just as He did while you were writing this, He will guide you to what it good, and perfect, and right, all in good time. Keep living in your pause. Take in all you can now. You wont regret it. And maybe perhaps you’ll be able to laugh a little at how you thought about things before they came to be. God’s funny about reminding us of these things. 🙂

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    • Thank you so much for this heartfelt reflection. There’s so much wisdom here. You’re right-God will definitely guide us to what is good and in His plan. Waiting for His timing is always so difficult but you’re right, they’re just pauses for the next good thing. Thanks for stopping by! Hugs and love xox

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  117. Hm. Wow. I have to thank you for sharing this. I had to / chose to turn down a film mini series shooting this summer in order to go home and work with an outpatient team for another round of recovery. I have a lot of shame and worry about this – why I keep needing to prolong my acting career in lieu of my eating disorder and why it won’t go away to let me do what I’m supposed to do. But I can’t go into that mindset. I have to believe that things will happen when they are supposed to and that each moment – even this summer as I work to recovery – is meant to happen. Who knows what doors will be opened now that this film has fallen through?? <3

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    • Thank you so much. I appreciate the encouragement. Yeah, putting our health first, even when it means turning down stuff is always hard, but I applaud you for doing that. Something good will come along:) thanks for these kind words! Sending hugs and love xox

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  119. All I can think of right now is, wow. I’m so glad that your blog was the first one I read. This world is desperately crying out for those Christians who not only love God, but are transparent about their journey in this life with Him. I appreciate your post and pray that those who are searching, find what they are looking for through your words.

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  122. God’s plan s always perfect, and always for our good. Who am I to question what he decides to allow in my life? He is the Almighty God, creator of the universe, and f he decides that he will allow cancer in my life (which He has), than I must align with His will and go through it. Can he heal me? Absolutely! Will He heal me? will leave that in His hands. In the meantime, I will praise Him, I will glorify Him, I will be faithful to Him. Job said “Though he slay me, yet I will trust Him”

    You are on a good path, my friend. he will bring you through to a good conclusion. Don;t ever let anyone tell you that you are anything but blessed, because you are, if you have accepted Him as Lord and Savior.

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    • Hey Pete! You’re so right. His plan is perfect and good and in perfect timing. And amen to that! He can and will heal us! Thanks for the encouragement. Hugs and love xox

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  123. I just wanted to say that I’m sure that you’re right in the middle of God’s plan. Your writing is great and your posts are warm and honest. It’s good to read about EDs from a Christian perspective and whether he leads you on to fame or whether your fame is just seated with your blog readers be sure that this writing and these posts, right now, are touching the hearts and souls of those who have or who have had EDs – and that would include me. I hope you achieve your dreams, but be assured, you are also fulfilling his dream for you now.

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  124. I very much enjoyed your post.Sometimes I feel like Tony from west side story who sang, “could be, who knows, there’s something due, any day, I will know, right away, maybe tonight……..
    That kind of encapsulates my relationship with my Higher Power. My next step will reveal another chapter.
    Stay well
    Moshe

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    • Thanks Moshe. I really appreciate it. I love that musical. So much wisdom communicated through song! Thanks for stopping by! Hope your “any day” comes soon! Hugs and love xox ☺️

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  126. Now, I know I needed to read this post! The God/Adele interlude was fabulous! 🙂 Thank you for being so honest and sharing what God is doing in your life right now. And thanks for visiting my blog! I appreciate it lots!

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  127. I love the way you write with such honesty, I think that when you share your deepest feelings with the Lord then things begin to happen. I love reading the Psalmists who sometimes shout at God, “Why do you turn your face away from me?” and then God picks them up, dusts them off and sets them on the path he has chosen for them. Blessings Jo

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    • Thanks Jo that really means a lot. I think you’re right. God is always working behind the scenes whether we can see it or not. It’s so comforting to know that His plans are good. Thanks for stopping by! Hugs and love xox

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  128. I believe through prayer we can get closer to God and resonate with him with a sincere heart, the place where conscience leads the way.

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  130. Awesome and real blog! Thank you for your honest sister. God’s will is such an interesting topic. Most likely each one of us our in the will of God. Just keep seeking Him and you are in God’s will.

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  131. Hi, BBB! A couple of comments. Loved the fact that you recognized that God was speaking to you as you were writing your blog. Not giving you content; but rather, finding you in a receptive mood, He was speaking to YOU. Has happened to me fairly often, and it is awesome, …every time. Now about the guys, and waiting for them to text you, first. Commendable. I have a few years on you. And, I always tell my grand-daughters, and now my great-grand-daughters, that I know who they will marry. (This, usually just before they start dating.) After the back-and-forth of, “No you don’t.” “Yes, I do!” “No, you don’t. How can you?” “Well, I just do!” (Then what I’ve been waiting for) “O.K. So, who am I going to marry?” “Someone you date!”

    So, you are a Christian. Are the “interesting prospects” Christian, as well? I ask because if not, you may not get any guidance from God. He has already told you that you should not get romantically involved with “un-marriageable material”. Makes for some difficult situations and decisions. And, it’s easy to say “we’re just friends”–after-all, we are supposed to show love (Christian love) to others, but, be cautious of who you date. Wow, I guess I sound like your father, grand-father, or ggf. Sorry! I have no right. (I do have experience, however. Twice divorced, three marriages. Celebrating 39-years in July.)

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    • Hi Avery, thank you so much for this response! I really appreciate your advice. You’ve given me lots to think about! ☺️ hope you’re having a great day! Hugs and love xox

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  133. Awesome article, thanks for sharing.. God is always with us, and He operates on His time, but I truly believe the Holy Spirit stays with us and directs us. God Bless…

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  134. “Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a dream fulfilled is a tree of life.” Proverbs 13:12 <== Oh how His faithful ones know this so very well. He's molding and shaping us into His image, but how the longing can hurt. Feeling like Moses in the desert, on a shelf. Our dreams – now you see me, now you don't.

    And you're not old fashioned to want a godly man to pursue you, you're in line with God's heart in the matter – a timeless God who's ways never expire, never grow old. Have you read the Godwinks books, especially the one called When God Winks on Love by SQuire Rushnell. It really encouraged me.

    I won't settle for less than a godly man whose heart is completely Jesus' – so I wait. I'd rather wait than become one with a son of the enemy – a wolf in sheep's clothing.

    I pray that God brings your dreams to pass and that He hedges out all the wrong men from your life as He's the only one who sees the intentions of the heart and that He only allows a true believer with the perfect heart and experiences for you and that you love happily ever after with Christ as the foundation of your lives. God bless!

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  135. You capture well the uncertainty of things, probably higher in your line of work than mine. Nevertheless, we all feel that things tend a certain way, then switch suddenly on a different tack. We assume there is a line that god lays out for each one of us, but that does not take into account The fall. The world is ordered, but there is a modest amount of uncertainty too, a little chaos sometimes, some of it stirred by The Devil. “What would Jesus do?” is a cliché, but has real value. At each cross road, at each sudden upset or disappointment we have to check where is our spiritual North Pole, ask WWJD. The “God has a plan” merchants are correct, but only from the perspective of the end of time. While living IN time – living is another matter. God bless you in your journey this month.

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  137. “Being restless is a choice. But so is being intentional. So is being still. So is reflecting and choosing peace.” Girl, I love that! We can’t control everything but we can control the choices we make. Keep trusting God, as you’re discovering-He is always faithful. <3

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  138. Thank you for this post. I, too, have struggled with knowing God’s will for my life. I am so happy that a fellow blogger has the courage and heart to be transparent. I gives me much joy to know that I am not alone here, telling the world of the goodness of God. LaShea

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  139. Hey Beauty,
    God is making you as beautiful on the inside as you are on the outside.
    Part of walking by faith means that we have to trust Him, not knowing what is next. Soon we can look back and understand what He was doing, seeing His plan in hindsight. Once going though a difficult and confusing time I wrote some scriptures down and taped them up to my bathroom mirror so I would see them often. Here’s the ones I used:
    “And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.” Romans 8:28
    “Or what man among you if his son asks for bread, will give him a stone?” Matt. 7:9
    “But seek first the kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things shall be yours as well.” Matt. 6:33
    “In returning and rest you shall be saved. In quietness and trust is your strength.” Isaiah 30:15

    Be Blessed,
    Jim
    (Thanks for “liking” many of my blog posts, BTW. I hope that you have found some value in them to encourage you in your faith.)

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  141. Following God’s plan for your life is something that you do day by day. You trust that he knows what is best for you and that he will provide the necessary means to see you through, but most of the time you have no idea exactly what the future holds. Be assured that it will hold exactly what is needed to bring you to where God wants you to be. May the Lord bless and keep you, may He make His face shine upon you and give you peace.

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  143. I am so pleased that you were gracious enough to read from my blog so that I found yours. This essay speaks directly to me as another Christian. How often I have sought the Lord for direction! How often I have felt like He was being silent! How often I recognized that He was at work and doing everything I needed!

    The Lord be with you dear one. I pray you have wholeness and joy and success, and always know that you are as precious to the Lord as anyone on earth.

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    • Thank you so much for this encouraging comment! I really appreciate the prayers. Amen to that. God is so good and takes care of his children. I just need to trust and be patient. Thanks for reading! hugs and love xox

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  145. Acting may be something that you enjoy but I would like to suggest that writing may be a great way to fill in your down times. You have a gift for writing and a clear voice. Writing also has great benefits for the soul, while acting is all about how you appear to others.
    I, for one, would like to see your gift applied to storytelling.

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  146. BBB, you are an angel. I love this post and this message: “Be still and know that I am God.” Psalm 46:10. Be patient, go with the flow, and know that all is well and right with the world. ~dp

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    • Hi David, thank you for this reflection. Yeah, you’re right about that…it takes work to quiet the mind and escape all the noise and busyness and just be intentional. I need to do more of that! So glad you stopped by! Hugs and love xox

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