I have something exciting to share with you guys:)
I was recently interviewed by Jacob over on the blog, Lone Star Inspirations. And yesterday he posted the interview! So if you want to read a little more about Yours Truly, head on over there! And thanks, Jake, for wanting to interview me!
So. I’m a sucker for Buzzfeed. I spend waaaay too much time there. Catching up on everything from news, to celebrity gossip, to Disney quizzes, to the occasional random cat video.
I mean, I need to reevaluate my usage of spare time!
But anyways, I happened upon something rather interesting yesterday. And that was Dictionary.com’s “Word of 2015.”
I won’t go into the Oxford Dictionary’s choice of word…or rather, nonword. They chose an emoji. Yes, you read that right — they chose the “laughing with tears of joy” emoji.
But Dictionary.com chose a different word. One that I think reveals a lot about where we are right now as a society: They chose the word identity.
Which, honestly reflects where our culture is right now. From Caitlyn Jenner, to the clash of political ideologies from Bernie, Hillz, or Trump, to the “selfie” culture that is overtaking the often-times suffocating influence of social media, to the popularity of shows like “Girls” or “The Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt” or “New Girl,” where we can see bits of ourselves in the struggling ingenue trying desperately to find herself in the world.
We are a people who are searching for our identity.
This is something that I know all too well.
After embracing recovery from anorexia, I had to figure out just that. Who am I?
Before that dark period of my life, my identity was pretty solidified. I played sports in high school. Dated the captain of the football team. Straight A’s. Did acting all my life. I knew who I was — or rather, who I thought I was supposed to be. And maintaining that “identity” was quite literally killing me.
Anorexia for me was a way to press the big red “emergency stop button” on a tread mill that was flying at high speed. I was out of control, trying to hold up these impossible standards, and the only way out was to quit by default.
And for the next 2 years, I battled with ED. And it was apparent. Unlike other mental illnesses, you wear your disease on your body. At 78 pounds, I was a walking bill board that I am not well.
And sadly, that became my identity.
I had lost the light behind my eyes. My passions. My personality. My heart for people. I lost who I was.
So when I finally recovered and began putting the pieces of my life back together, the hardest part was figuring out who this new girl is.
Who am I?
And I’m going to be honest, I am still figuring out who that is.
Every week, I feel like I discover something new about who I am, or remember something about that girl I “used to be” before anorexia came in like a freight train and destroyed any healthy concept of self.
For example, just tonight, I remembered how much I love just dancing. I know, so stereotypical.
“I just wanna dance!”
But I can’t tell you how much fun I had turning on the Justin Bieber spotify station and dancing. By myself. Flipping my hair like a goddess in a hair commercial.
But I digress.
Putting the pieces back together after a big life change, is hard. Whether it’s after an eating disorder, losing a loved one, changing schools, losing a job, getting rejected by peers, or just trying to figure out who you are in this ever-changing, confusing, and scary world. Finding your identity is tough.
Though I may still be discovering and remembering things about myself — I mean, really it is a life long journey, whether you’re in recovery or not — there is one thing that has been paramount.
And that is finding my identity first in how God sees me.
Claiming the truth that I am His daughter. That I am loved. Loved so fiercely that Jesus would die for me.
That is the foundation of my identity.
Knowing that and claiming that is what got me out of that hurricane. He helps me put the pieces back together.
I know I don’t have to have it all figured out right now. That’s the beauty of our Father: He is patient. And will always take care to restore his children and reveal to us our identity in Him. He says that I am good. That I am worthy. Enough. And so I trust the Author of life.
Our society today, frankly it’s a hot mess. And it all stems from people striving to figure out their identity. Craft who they are. Be their own author of a life, worthy of a “best seller” list.
So honestly, it comes as no surprise that identity is the Word of 2015.
But it’s not my word. My identity is clear: I am His.