Perfume

So. This weekend was kind of a…break through of sorts for me.

A new experience. A freeing feeling.

Drumroll please………

I wore perfume.

For me.

Womp. Womp.

obama walk off gif

I know, I know. If you were expecting something earth shattering, I apologize for the gross letdown.

But just hear me out.

I wear Ralph by Ralph Lauren. It has been my signature scent since high school.

But, real talk: perfume is expensive. So I only wear it when…let’s be honest…I’m going to be around boys. Particularly boys I have a crush on.

Otherwise, it’s just Secret’s Tropical Island Fresh deodorant comin’ at’cha live.

#Classy

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But I woke up on Sunday morning, after an incredible night on Saturday, and I decided that, gosh darn it…I’m going to wear perfume today — for myself.

You see, Saturday night was unusual in that, I went out with just my guy friends. All my girls were out of town for Memorial Day, so I had to fend for myself with the fellas. 🙂

And I’ve written about these boys before. There were 2 potential crushes among them. And they both were there on Saturday. But here’s the thing: For the first time, I didn’t care what they thought. I had decided that they were just friends. So even though they were opening doors and being chivalrous and treating me like a lady, it just didn’t matter to me.

But here’s the thing about Saturday night: I felt so beautiful. Which, from the surface sounds incredibly conceited, but knowing my history with non-existant self worth after my anorexia, feeling beautiful is something that I just don’t experience. I’m working on it, but frankly, it’s still a losing battle.

But Saturday night: I put on a pretty dress, wore perfume, high heels, did my makeup nicely — and I just felt, beautiful.

And here’s why: those two boys, they told me that they were courting me that night. Both of them. And maybe I’m a horrible person, but I allowed it. They opened doors for me. Bought me drinks. Had deep conversations. Treated me like a real lady.

And I allowed it.

I allowed them to “love” me.

Because, for the first time, I believed I was worth it.

God has been at work in my heart for a long time, and it was like, on Saturday night, I was just shown that it is an act of self love to allow another person to love me and receive it.

Even with all my baggage, God deemed me worth saving. So who am I to discredit and discount His evaluation?

My life is a celebration of His saving power. His healing hand. He has made me beautiful. So when I put on a pretty dress and recognize His beauty shining through me, I believe it makes Him smile. And I believe that other people can feel Him too. At least, I hope so.

So anywho. Saturday was a big affirmation in who I am. In feeling beautiful. In accepting love.

And that rolled over into Sunday — I decided that I am worth feeling beautiful, even when I’m not around boys, and it’s just me. Because I am worth it. Jesus makes me beautiful. Jesus says I’m worth it. So I’ll believe Him.

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What ever happened with those two beaus?

In my opinion, we’re just friends. Period. I’m open to love, but I don’t think it is with either guy. I’m waiting for God to reveal His plan, so I’ll keep my eyes open, my head on straight, and my cards close to my chest.

That’s at least the recipe for a strong game of poker.

fold-poker-cat

Regardless, I’m going to continue to spritz that perfume all day er’r day…because I feel beautiful…and that’s okay.


 

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207 responses to “Perfume”

  2. Such a lovely post! You ARE beautiful! I think I also need to sit and evaluate why I personally do things. So happy for you! Xx

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    • Aw, thank you so much Ms. Alheri:) That’s so kind of you to say. It was really wonderful to truly feel that in my heart this weekend. Thanks for sharing in the joy with me 🙂 hugs and love xox

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  3. Good for you. I share your post with the women that come into the mission where I pastor. So many have self-worship issues and often feel less than. I love the ability that God gave you to share in such a transparent way.

    Dan

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    • Hi Dan, wow thank you so much 🙂 I am absolutely honored that you would share my words. It is such a comfort to know that even though we may struggle and have baggage, that God loves us no matter what. And wants us to claim that love and live in freedom because of it. thanks for stopping by! hugs and love xox

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  6. Isn’t it sad how we have this image of how women are supposed to look and what they are supposed do to feel beautiful? Sick or not, you should always do something for you. I am home, out of work right now, but I still put on my family jewelry and my bracelet I received for Mother’s Day. I switch out my earrings, too. It is just is a little glitz and glam that I can do for myself every day. Who cares if anyone else is around? I’m going to be beautiful for me first! And you need to do that for you, too!

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  7. Ha, I am sitting in the laundromat reading your post with a dilly grin and tears in my eyes. Happy for you!💟I’ve worn Ive Saint Laurant… Opium since I was 19. I recently spent a small fortune on a new bottle-for me. Thanks for sharing.
    Blessings, Laurie

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  9. Love it! Loving yourself and accepting yourself is no easy feat. Glad God is working in you and allowing you to see your true beauty! Go girl, spray that perfume and rock it! xx

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  13. Another lovely post! Loving and accepting yourself is the hardest thing to do. This is an awesome breakthrough. Congrats. Very inspiring 🙂

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  14. Great post! I only wish I could see all of you in your photos. You are so beautiful. Why hide it? Blessings to you on your self discovery.

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    • Hi Russ! oh my gosh, thank you so much 🙂 You are so kind! There may be something in the works that will remedy that….:) 🙂 🙂 🙂 we shall see….haha thanks for stopping by! hugs and love xox

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  16. What a beautiful post! I am someone who also suffers from low self-esteem and reading this just hit home. Every once in a while there is something that can just make you feel beautiful! I love that you sprayed on that perfume for you! I really am starting to realize that if we take care of ourselves and learn to love the bodies we are in, then other good things will make their way! They are all in God’s plan!

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    • Thank you so much! I so appreciate your reflection and kind words. Yes! Isn’t it so wonderful when that “thing” just hits you!? You’re absolutely right. God is good! Hugs and love xox

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  17. This is great. Reminds me if the times I wore White Diamonds, the perfume. I do it because I like it but I cannot afford to wear it lol. Still, feeling as beautiful as everyone says you are is a wonderful feeling.

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    • Thank you so much! Haha I feel ya! That’s kind of you to say:) yes, claiming out inner beauty, and really believing it is so important. So wear that perfume girl! Woo! Thanks for stopping by! Hugs and love xox

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  18. Good for you! I’m glad it was a good evening, letting the boy thing take a night off and just enjoying yourself. And we all know you’re beautiful just from your writing and your spirit. The Tiffany lamp in heels and a little Ralph on the bulb. Sounds great!

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    • Hi Serena! Yes!! Those were the two breakthroughs this weekend! You put it so eloquently! I was just rambling my mouth off! Haha but yes, both are important!! So glad you stopped by! Hugs and love xox

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  22. Beautiful. I like fragrances and essential oils. Two of my favorites are lavender and rose. Be the beautiful person that you are. Feel the love. Share the love. Amen. You are helping people to experience God’s kingdom.

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    • Hi Alex, aw thank you so much for this note of encouragement. God is good, that’s all I can say! I’ll have to check out those essential oils! Hugs and love xox

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  24. That was a great post, and to be honest i have been feeling the same way and i am happy about it, for a long time i didn’t have courage/confidence to wear shorts but this year i finally bought a pair of shorts and i am happy to wear them!

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  29. Great post 🙂 As I have observed from some other people, they will tell you that in the end, it is better to see If that person is the right person to have a romantic relationship with because If one just jumps fast in a relationship, their is a chance that it could end up being a disappointing one. Anyway, keep up the great work as always 🙂

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    • Hey John! Wow what great advice. Thank you so much. You’re right-patience is a virtue when I comes to relationships. Hope your week is off to a great start! Hugs and love xox

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  30. Great post. It is soo important to put yourself first regardless how many people like or don’t like you. As Chanel said, there are no ugly women there are only lazy ones. Your posts are refreshing. Keep your chin up:)

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  32. It’s a real gift to a man to have a woman inspire him to be the best that he can be. To be able to reflect that back on him – to let him see the effect of his attention without imposing dependency upon him – is rare and precious.

    So do be lady-like! Inspire us!

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    • This is such a difficult balance to maintain, and can go awry when misinterpreted. It’s something that should expand, rather than turning inwards. Most women allow men to do the latter, which actually reinforces their aggression.

      I tried to describe it in a passage from Ma, when the hero discovers a cast-off in Kinshasa and invites her to dinner:

      “In this gracious place, something happened that Leelay had no words to describe. They spoke, but the subject had no import. They ate, but she could not remember what. What she recalled, what her body celebrated now from every pore, was that every moment of delight – the waiter’s dignity, the musicians’ skill, the odor of the wine – brought a stillness to Ntombo. And in that stillness seemed to come a feeling of “yes.” And through this feeling she felt that the “yes” was also her “yes,” and that the “yes” was connected to something greater.

      “It was as though the dirt and greed of the world had covered her over, and that this “yes,” this sacred “yes,” was lifting away the dirt and what was revealed underneath was a world of joys that could not be taken away from her so long as she kept her eyes open to them.”

      It is this opening of our eyes to joy that I was speaking of being inspirted in men by a lady. In means not induling a fascination or fixation upon herself, but a gentle drawing of attention to those things that bring joy by embracing them with a patient regard – and turning away from attention that cannot be so guided.

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      • What an interesting passage and reflection! I think respect is so important in relationships. I have brothers and I’ve been told that men want respect just as much as love. And I think that part of that respect is allowing men to rise up to their highest selves, honoring God and honoring his partner. I don’t know, I super old school, I don’t ever text boys or ask boys out on dates. And I’m single so clearly … What do I know haha. But thank you so much for sharing this. So so interesting! Have a great night! Hugs and love xox

      • We say “single” as though to not have a romantic partner is to somehow be alone. But we are never alone – we have relationships with the world all around us, with things both animate and inanimate. In discovering a betrothal, we should find that our betrothed validates and enriches all of those relationships. It is to say: “Let me offer you this as a gift” to each other in every second of the day.

        Many women are shy about the beauty that storms within them, but when a man has the discipline to safe guard it, that becomes a shower of healing rather than a furious will to dominate.

      • There was a time when I wandered form congregation to congregation hoping to find a minister that would allow me to teach. Most of them tend to subscribe to the dictum that they should get rid of the smart people, because they ask questions that can’t be answered. None of them had the courage to engage me long enough to realize that I’ve got answers. At this point, I’m worn out with the effort, and am just glad to find a few out here at WordPress who find what I offer to be of value. Thanks for your enthusiasm!

    • Hi Rareity! The aftermath, the aftermath…I guess I don’t know what you mean!! 😬 I’m sorry! All I know is that I’ve been wearing a heck of a lot more perfume! Hehe Love ya friend! Hugs xox

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  38. God knows you are beautiful inside and out and I think he really likes your perfume. And personally, I think you are really special! Your story, words and love for God brings hope.

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    • Hi Mike! Haha God likes my perfume! That made me chuckle, but you know what? I think you’re right! thanks for such kind words. You really brought a smile to my face:) hugs and love xox

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  39. It brings a new meaning to “Loving your neighbour as yourself”. If we can’t love ourselves how can we love those around us. It’s so important that we know we are entirely lovable. We know this because God loves us. Secure in that love we can love others.

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    • Hi friend! So very very true. Thanks you for this great perspective. You’re right-we can’t give what we don’t possess ourselves. Amen to that- he DOES love us immensely. Thanks for stopping by 🙂 Hugs and love xox

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    • Hi Margaret! Thank you so much:) that really means a lot. We are ALL worth it! and thank you for all your kind comments this morning! I can’t begin to express how much I appreciate it. Hugs and love xox

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    • Hi there Wayne! Aw Thank you my friend 🙂 I can always count on you for a good dose of kindness and encouragement. You are a blessing 🙂 Hope this finds your week off to a great start! Hugs and love xox

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  45. lol… you are beautiful cos God loves you as you and you know what?… you wore that perfume on a Sunday… it was for God! God is tripping for you cos He loves you more ….lol

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  46. As someone who always has struggled with a negative self image, it was very encouraging to read this inspiring post. Thank you!

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  47. What a great reminder that we all need to treat ourselves to something everyday that makes us feel beautiful. You deserve it!

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  49. Great to hear positive self affirmations. Why shouldn’t you feel beautiful? You were made in the image of the Almighty, most High God, you have His DNA. You reflect His beauty when you are positive and you have Jesus in your heart. Jesus said love is the greatest and in John 13:35 it says……Your love for one another will prove to the world that you are my disciples.” Enjoy your feeling of being beautiful. You are God’s princess. <3

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    • Thanks friend. I really appreciate this wonderful encouragement. You’re so right-we are made in His image. his fingerprints are all over us! What a comforting thought. Thanks again for such kind words. It means a lot. Hugs and love xox

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  50. Great post! Reminds me of a phrase that has been sticking in my mind recently…”Faith, it’s simple but it isn’t easy!” Peace to you BBB

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  51. “It is not fancy hair, gold jewelry, or fine clothes that should make you beautiful. No, your beauty should come from inside you—the beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit. That beauty will never disappear. It is worth very much to God.” (1 Peter 3:2-4Easy-to-Read Version)
    I think many of us can feel this from your post 🙂

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      • I misread David’s comment as ‘written with grace, revenge and hope’ but that’s ok. In terms of Ed, to see your own beauty is truly ‘getting your own back’. This is a beautiful and heartwarming post. Thank you.

  55. This post made my heart happy. You’re beautiful! Moments like the one you described are moments I so often treasure in my own life!

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  56. I wear perfume everyday. Even when I’m wearing jeans and a T-shirt. Sometimes I don’t feel pretty, but at least I will smell pretty. 🙂 Glad you enjoyed yourself and I love the praise you give to God. He is the center of self-worth and importance. Hold onto your hearts desire. God will eventually give it to you. Keep believing!

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    • Hi Penelope! I think that’s awesome that you wear perfume everyday! You’re an inspiration 🙂 hehe Amen to that – He is 100% the source of our self worth. God is good. hugs and love xox

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  62. This post gave me all sorts of warm fuzzy feelings! I love your blog already but this post was like the cherry on a sundae. You GO GIRL! Your bravery and confidence just makes me want to join forces and conquer the world with you. One itty bitty smidgen of a step at a time. You amaze me. You wear that perfume. Heck yeah. You’re more than worth it and God is totally on your side. (Insert fist bump and power poses here)

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    • Hi Elizabeth! Aw you’re so kind to say that. Thank you 🙂 haha YES! Let’s do it! 😂😂😂 I’m power posing from NYC with ya right now! Hehe seriously though, I’m grateful for you! Thanks for making my heart so full! Hugs and love xox

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  65. I have not commented on your posts lately but have been reading them. There is a great change in that they are now easy to ‘like’ (I mean compared to when they were inspiring but the word ‘like’ seemed inappropriate). A sequel perhaps to the book I’d love to read.

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  66. Hey Beebs, can you read my poker face, or should I call you Elizabeth? You know, Zechariah might wanna meet you, whoever ‘e is. Oh, I’ll tell you joke. Man walks up to God, says, So you’re God, huh? God says, yea. Man says, No way!!! God says, Yahewh.

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      • There’s some cool stuff happenin’ these days, if you know what I mean. It’s been fun to have a front-row seat. That joke is better spoken, but you never like talk on the phone. It’s better that way. My voice is quite rough and my person quite rough-and-tumble. But you know that already. Besides, we’re from different worlds. Like that program that used to come on Saturday nights, Out of This World. Ha ha. Keep it real.

  67. Great post. I am glad that you have taken another step forward. Being able to love yourself is a necessary ingredient in being able to love others. God bless you.

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  68. A great read as always! I love the way you tell a stpory and then turn it into praise and truth for all of us.

    “Even with all my baggage, God deemed me worth saving. So who am I to discredit and discount His evaluation?

    My life is a celebration of His saving power. His healing hand. He has made me beautiful. So when I put on a pretty dress and recognize His beauty shining through me, I believe it makes Him smile.”

    We all have baggage – I think it comes with being human ) and He has deemed us all worth saving! Your life IS a celebration and I’m sure it ma

    Reply

  69. A great read as always! I love the way you tell a story and then turn it into praise and truth for all of us.

    “Even with all my baggage, God deemed me worth saving. So who am I to discredit and discount His evaluation?

    My life is a celebration of His saving power. His healing hand. He has made me beautiful. So when I put on a pretty dress and recognize His beauty shining through me, I believe it makes Him smile.”

    We all have baggage – I think it comes with being human – and He has deemed us all worth saving! Your life IS a celebration and I’m SURE it makes Him smile!

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    • Thank you so much for this Stephen. You’re so right-He HAS deemed ALL of us worth saving and dying for. What an amazing love that is. Thanks for the encouragement. Hugs and love xox

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  71. and feeling beautiful, cuz of Jesus love, is a beautiful gift, to others and to God too. it is like unto an act of worship, it is a profound statement of gratitude, It is an artesian well of gratitude, of joy, of peace, of whole personhood, all coming together to form what we intuitively call beauty. And that beauty is there in your writing too and I bath in it, and come up smelling well. beautiful. thanks

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    • Hi Jack! Oh wow, what a beautiful reflection. Thank you for this. You’re so right-beauty comes from Jesus. Thanks again for your incredibly kind words and for the reblog. Hugs to you friend xox

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  72. Reblogged this on Revival Now and commented:
    Reading this blogger is like watching a dark red peonie blossom slowly unfold with time delay photography. Every blog is better, richer, wiser and more beautiful. It is impossible to recommend too highly. enjoy.

    Reply

  76. Dearest BBB,

    Straightway, I must apologize to you, for my comment isn’t about your blog post. Rather it is to share with you an excerpt of my blog post of yesterday, my birthday. I wrote about how I have tended to view my natal day anniversary simply as another day in my life and how I’ve come to a different view so to celebrate my birth and life. You, BBB, have been a part of this, and this, with deepest thanks, is what I wrote in reference to you:

    “…A fellow blogger (I read her religiously) writes candidly courageously of her insights into her struggles with her life and herself; arriving at a place and time where and when, even on her worst day, she can behold her very self as a gracious, glorious work of God. For her to deny the truth of which the psalmist sings that she is fearfully and wonderfully made would be to disown her faith in God and dishonor her hope in God. I’ve not shared with her how much, how often she, in her sincerely honorable and searingly honest self-acceptance, testifies to me of a fitting response to God’s love, as Isaac Watts penned, “so amazing, so divine (that) demands my soul, my life, my all…”

    Again, BBB, my thanks.

    Reply

    • Hi Paul, wow. I am so touched by your words. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. I am so glad that my posts resonate with you. And hey, happy birthday! Again, thanks for being such a great encourager:) you made my day. God is good! Hugs and love xox

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  77. You are a child of God, and as such…a daughter of a King, a Heavenly King. I love the beauty of your Optimism, the Tenderness of your Insight, the Gracefulness of your Encouragement, and the Intimateness of your Writing. Not trying to flatter you…just bein’ sincere. The beauty you have on the inside overflows to your eyes, your warmth, and your smile. The outer you reflects the inner you. And the young man who tunes his internal antenna to the things of more spiritual nature will pick up the channel of your heart and see you for who you really are…and you will see him.

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    • Thank you so much for this beautiful reflection. I am so touched and humbled by your words. I cannot wait for that day:) I appreciate your encouragement friend. Have a beautiful weekend. Hugs and love xox

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  80. “Regardless, I’m going to continue to spritz that perfume all day er’r day…because I feel beautiful…and that’s okay..”

    Personally, it’s not just okay. The fact that you feel beautiful, is the most important thing of all and in my humble opinion, at the end of the day, how you feel about yourself the only thing that matters. You deserve to feel good about yourself all day, everyday. Enjoy!

    Reply

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