OK. It’s time we talk about virginity.
*Takes a shot of whisky.*
It’s time we talk about my virginity.
*Takes another shot. Slams down the glass.*
Ok. Now I feel prepared to take on this topic.
Allow me to set the stage:
Saturday night. 4 am. The sun is just starting to rise and the sky is that dusty heather gray color. NYC looks just like they try to portray it in the movies – a sleeping giant with steep buildings, daring the sun to challenge its dominance.
And I’m bleary eyed, mascara stained, just sobbing. I’m in my pjs. The beautiful, sparkly dress and heels I wore that evening, crumpled in a pile on the floor — along with my dignity.
Pause. NO I did not “do it.” Although, reading that back, it kinda sounds like the beginning of a cheap romance novel. 😛
No. This scene was the result of a very real, very raw, very — vulnerable — conversation.
About…my V card.
Long story short, this guy I’ve been kind of, potentially interested in just straight up asked me about it.
Now, before you get ready to B-Slap him with an attitude, it wasn’t like that. Nothing rude. Nothing invasive.
It was actually very respectful. And he wasn’t trying to pressure me either.
The convo went a little something like this:
“BBB. I don’t understand. Every weekend a different guy tries to take you home, but you never do. Why is that?”
And it wasn’t like I just blurted out…OH, I’M A VIRGIN! With three thumbs up emojis.
No, I’ve known him for 4 years, and it was a long, drawn out convo in the back of the bar, just us. He may have just kissed me. A lady never tells.
But I told him: I’m saving myself for my husband.
And it like, boggled his mind. He was so intrigued by this. So interested. So riveted in the why behind it.
And, as it was last call, we continued the convo into a cab he had hailed to drop me off.
Again, don’t read this through the filter of a serial killer — he’s a gentleman and wanted to drop me off, as it was 4am and a gal in a short dress shouldn’t be walking alone.
But he was literally so fascinated. He couldn’t believe that I was still a virgin.
So you’ve never had sex?
Don’t you want to?
Our conversation jumped around, between what it means to be in a relationship, what we think about marriage, vulnerabilities, what we believe in. It was all really great…ish.
But the whole time I just felt like crawling into a hole and never coming out.
It’s not like I’m ashamed of my decision to wait, I just felt really exposed. Like I was standing in front of a big crowd, unaware that my dress was tucked into my granny panties in the back. I felt stupid.
But he said, “I am just worried that your future husband isn’t going to appreciate what you’re doing. What if he’s not able to give you that back? What if you don’t get that?”
And this, is what sparked this post. This is what made me get up out of bed after crying myself to sleep and write about it.
I think there’s a grave misconception about relationships these days: what are you going to get out of it.
What’s in it for you? What are you going to get from the marriage or from the relationship?
And that‘s exactly where my decision to remain a virgin stems from.
Because relationships aren’t about what you’re going to get.
They’re about what you can give.
And that’s why I’m waiting. Because I love my future husband enough that I want to save my body and my whole self for him only. I want to give that to him. I’m not expecting to get anything. Would it be amazing if he was waiting too? Yes. But I don’t expect that. What I do expect is that God is preparing the heart of my future husband right this very minute, just as He’s preparing mine.
My parents have been married for 40+ years. And that’s one thing my mother always taught me: relationships are about giving. If you go into it thinking it’s the other way around, you’re going to end up disappointed and hurt.
So how did I end up with tear stains on my pillow after that open and honest communication in the cab?
Well, honestly, I just felt really alone. Not in an Enrique Iglesias Give Me Just One Night kind of way.
But alone in a misunderstood, foolish, exposed kind of way.
And in some ways I felt like a fraud.
Here’s the thing.
Let’s be honest…there’s a bit of a stereotype about virginity.
Thanks, Steve Carell.
But, I’m pretty confident. Or at least, I’m good at acting like I’m confident. I enjoy flirting, dancing, wearing the latest fashions.
Frankly, I don’t think I come off as this ankle-length-skirt-with-orthopedic-shoes-wearing-virgin-who-has-6-cats-at-home.
But after revealing my virginity, I felt like somebody stripped away that confident exterior, exposing this inner dweeb that shouldn’t be out socializing because of severe social anxiety and a highly spastic colon or something.
I feel like from now on, I’m forever going to be seen through the lens of “virgin.”
I felt dumb. I felt ugly. I felt alone.
And 6 hours later, I still do.
I’m going to get up. Make myself a nice breakfast. And open up God’s love letter to me: the bible.
And I’m going to remind myself that I am not any of those things.
I am not alone: Jesus endured everything we’ve ever gone through, times 100. He was literally stripped down and exposed during the Passion.
I am not ugly. But I am a handcrafted work of art, created lovingly by the Father.
My virginity is not dumb. It is an act of love to my future husband. One that I should celebrate. Jesus gave Himself fully and completely to His love — us — on the Cross, so I can do the same for my future love.
Anywho. Thanks for listening.
Gonna go eat pancakes and put on my orthopedic shoes and head gear.
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991 responses to “V Card”
John 3:16 tells us something important: “For God so loved the world, that He gave …” Now, I’d never want to minimize the message of that text, but I do want to point out those first few words. What you’re doing may be countercultural, may not be the social norm, may not be the expected … But it’s showing your heart to be like your Father’s. And that’s a gift. The only thing you’re exposing is the beauty of a loving heart.
Thank you so much for this beautiful encouragement. I can’t begin to tell you how much it means. Thank you friend. Hugs and love xox
I love the way you explained that verse, God blesd
You put that so beautifully!
You are doing the right thing. God loves you. Your future husband will love you and appreciate you and what you are giving him or he won’t be good enough for you. Never settle for less! Well done, sister in the Lord!
Thanks FiN. That means so much. I really appreciate your kind and hopeful words. Hugs and love xox
You show strength and courage.Thank you for your honesty.
Hi Mary. Thank you for this. It really means a lot. So glad you stopped by. Hugs and love xox
Back at you, Honey. Your posts are informative and fun to read.
By posting this you have put yourself out there. So I am going to say this. I am proud of you AND you should be proud. I have that stupid Steve Carrell movie and my lack of faith at the time to blame for why I rushed in, and I do not have that gift to give. It is precious, sacred and honorable and nothing to be ashamed of. I would give anything to get mine back. It’s a wonderful thing. And sex that doesn’t have that true love and devotion that is just thrown around because is hollow. And it never truly leads to good things. It’s done me more harm than it has good, which is why, at 31 years old, I decided that I would no longer have sex until I found THE ONE and walked her down that aisle. I lament over the gift I don’t have to give and I want to be the first to say that it is something that is not a source of shame. My shame is that I didn’t have the strength you have. God bless you and Godspeed.
Hi friend. Thank you so much for sharing this. I am so touched by your words. I think it’s really awesome that you’re doing that. That’s the beautiful thing about love-is that it heals and the fact that you’ve made that decision now is so beautiful and something your future wife will think is amazing and strong. I appreciate you friend. Thanks for sharing your heart. Hugs and love xox
You are not alone. I love the image of just caring about what you’re preparing to give your husband and not worrying about the rest, that is beautifully STRONG. I waited. THe shocked look on the other couples in our pre-marital counselling session when we said there was nearly 75 years of celibacy between me and Hubs (of 17 1/2 years)… well, that tells it all. I can’t even imagine trying to keep this decision in this decade. Like I said, your perspective and perseverance shows strength. Blessings.
Hi there Hope. Thank you so much for this. Wow what an inspiring story! Your name is right-what HOPE! 🙂 so glad you stopped by. Hugs and love xox
Wow, that’s an awesome decision and gutsy post. Very gutsy – because it sets you apart from the crowd. It’s counter culture, against the grain. Some might even say weird. My friends and I have embraced the “weird” tag as well….mainly because publicly announcing and standing by faith in Christ is in itself weird in today’s society. So we looked up the definition – it says something along the lines of “otherworldly” or “of the supernatural”. Stick to your guns. Stay weird. All the way.
Hi John! My goodness, thank you for this! I really appreciate your kind and encouraging words. You’re right…a littttttttle bit weird! haha but I’ll take it! Stay weird!! hugs and love xox
Yay! Thank you for talking about this subject! I’ve made the same decision as you and understand what you mean when ppl open up the subject… I think the biggest lie out there is that your or I are the only ones who are still virgins. I have quite many friends in their twenties and thirties who are still virgins and intend to honor God in this way until they get married. Above all else is something I want to honor God with since He gave everything for me – His Son Jesus Christ. keep on persevering my dear sister. You are not alone and I believe God has something special prepared for you!
Hi Adina! Oh my gosh, thank you so much for this encouragement. It’s so wonderful to know I am not alone. Amen to that – He gave everything. Thanks for stopping by! hugs xox
I applaud you. It’s a hard thing to do these days…wait…. I gave mine up in my early twenties. I wonder sometimes if my life might have been different, had I made different choices… well, of course it would have….but would it have been better?
What I do think is that maybe ( likely ) the quality of man I was surrounding myself with would have been better…. might have resulted in the kind of relationship/marriage that I wish for…. and sometimes ( often ) those thoughts make me sad.
I don’t know. And for me, it’s far too late. That cats long out of the bag. And this wasn’t about me anyway…. so forgive my ramble.
Always stay true to you and God’s love for you and you’ll never go wrong. PS. You look amazing.
Hi Cinn, thank you for sharing this. It’s so easy to look back and wonder those things, but I think at the end of the day we just have to trust that God’s got us. Because you’re right – He loves us so so much. I love your spirit. So beautiful:) hugs and love xox
Thank you ❤️ you are a kind person
I had the same views as you, not having sex before marriage, until I met a guy who I was head over heels in love with… I’m more ashamed of having had sex before marriage than I was to tell people I was 20 and still a virgin. This post has helped me in a real way, so thank you.
Hi Dani, thank you so much for sharing this. I’m so glad it helped you. That brings my heart so much joy. Sending you such a big hug right now. You are precious 🙂 Truly – not in a weird like, “oh you’re precioussss” but like, -you- actually are precious 🙂 Hugs to you friend xox
I did a lot of other things with guys I was in love with (and some I never really was), but I didn’t go all the way. Close and tried, but it didn’t work so I wonder if I could still have been considered a virgin? I’d say so but looking back I see that I really shouldn’t have been doing half that stuff either…anyway, my husband was glad I waited. I guess I just replied here to say that I too did things when in love I shouldn’t have.
Hi friend, thank you for sharing this. You have a beautiful heart and it definitely shines through. Sending such a big hug.
there was a phrase that went round when I was at school which was “half virgin” which meant that you’d been sexually active but not actually intercourse… It’s such an ambiguous topic, what clarifies as losing your virginity and what doesn’t, and so I think it comes down to your own person view. the first time I had “sex”, we stopped halfway through because I wasn’t comfortable, I would have said I was still a virgin but my boyfriend at the time said I wasn’t. so like I say, I think it comes down to how you view it yourself.
Mine have all said I was, even the high school one who I “tried” to (it didn’t physically “work”, which was probably God’s way of reminding me). We loved each other so it felt right, but it’s not. I say I was a virgin too because that (intercourse) was one thing that was really important to me not to give.
Yeah I definitely wouldn’t put it past Him! He works in mysterious ways – and sometime we can’t see it being Him until we have the perspective of time. ❤️
Yeah, it’s a murky pool for sure. Add to this the whole Clinton/Lewinsky scandal … Muddy waters indeed. Thanks for sharing this. ❤️❤️❤️
Keep it up! I wish I had waited, and I’m a guy. Once you give it up, you can’t take it back. Like putting the toothpaste back in the tube.
Oh, and I love what you said about relationships being about giving not getting. I tend to forget that.
Thanks Octavian! I really appreciate your encouragement. Haha oh my gosh you’re killin me with that toothpaste comment!! haha Literally laughing out loud. Thanks for that. hugs and love xox
I remember writing about virginity and modesty on my blog a while back.
The V Card issue isn’t just important, it’s huge. I wish I’d read the bible when I was much younger bc God lovingly tells us in it to “wait” (for very good reasons).
I promised my mom before she died I would wait until marriage. After she died, when I was a teen, life took some ugly/unexpected turns. I am about to sit back down and write it out to help other’s.
Virginity is a both a gift and a blessing…I’m glad you are standing tall and strong!
Hi Kensel! Thank you so much for this encouraging comment. I’m so sorry that you lost your mom at such a young age. Sending you a big hug. Yes, writing is such a wonderful tool to process and heal. I look forward to reading your words. hugs and love to you friend xox
I have been thinking about taking up this issue on my blog and I think you just might have written the little push I needed from the Lord.
This is so important – your virginity is the single most beautiful thing you can give to the one you will eventually spend your life with. Resisting the temptation shows strength! – And loving God before loving others… well, you have the heart for Christ and the Father will reward you with the one and only man of your dreams.
Wonderful post and I love love love your honesty!
Hi Lenei! Thank you so much! Yes, I hope you do write about it! I’d love to read your words! And seriously, I really appreciate your encouragement. It means more than you know. hugs and love xox
You are so not alone.
I believe it is all about honouring.
In my experience, people are never satisfied with what you do or give.
God is proud of you and I’m proud of you too.
Don’t hide in your house or wish the ground will swallow you up.
I believe that Christ has borne shame on the cross of Calvary so when situations arise that will cause me to shrink back, I, in faith step into the crowd, believing that God goes me, leading and guiding and the host of heaven and the crowd of witnesses (the faith hall of fame) are cheering me on.
They are cheering you on too. Keep doing the right thing because of Him and not for any earthly applause
You are capable of more, glory to God, the Holy Ghost lives in you.
Thank you so much Tessa. I am so touched by your words. Amen to that — step out in faith! Because God is good and bore it all on the Cross. Hugs and love to you friend. To God be the glory! xoxoxox
You’re just amazing. You already “get” what’s important. Giving. This made me smile. Bravo for you for so many reasons. I love this post. 🙂
Hi Jessica, oh my gosh thank you so much for this beautiful encouragement. glad it made you smile. 🙂 hugs and love xox
You’re welcome. I love how you are true to yourself. I’m sad you felt ugly and alone and cried yourself to sleep. The way I see it, at some point, everyone TRIES to be who everybody else THINKS they ought to be. There’s something to be said for being authentic and you are already doing that! Love that! 🙂 Bravo!
❤️❤️❤️you’re so sweet. Thanks again xx
Girl…I wish I knew 12 of you. I’m a youth pastor. I asked my students the other day (7th-12th grade) how many believe in sex before marriage. About 25% raised their hands. First, thank you for your vulnerability and honesty and integrity. It takes real guts to blog what you did. Second, you are not the exception, you are the normal in Gods eyes. Although the world looks at this as incredibly spectacular, God sees you as just doing your job and can’t wait to give you the “well done” in the end for being a regular believer. Last, your husband, whoever God has planned for you, is gonna be so grateful. Your virginity is a gift that only you have the ability to give. Incredibly proud and praying for your walk as you gain strength in your faith as you go through this “stuff” in your life.
Hi EDC, thank you so much! Haha 12, that’s funny. Wow a youth pastor. That’s such an important job. Thank you for this meaningful comment. Seriously, your encouragement is just what I needed to hear, so thank you. God is good, and I fully trust in Him. Thanks for the prayers. I’ll definitely keep you and your ministry in mine as well! hugs xox
I admire you very much ! I am a mom of two beautiful daughters and have been married 40+years myself, I think you will be so glad you have made this decision. You are brave to write about! Thank you !
Hi Camellia! Thank you so much for this kind comment! Wow that is so beautiful – 40+ years. What a testimony of love and commitment. Thanks for stopping by. hugs and love to you and yours xox
What used to be the norm now is embarrassing; what used to honored now has to be hidden as a shameful thing. What the world calls good, God says is evil; but what God says is good, the world calls evil. So far has our country fallen from God’s Word and God’s way that we expect ridicule and live in shame for living like we are supposed to. The decline in culture will become this nation’s tombstone. But for us who hope for something better, we wait upon His deliverance. Isaiah 26.
Thank you for your courage. If all the believers would stand up for this (and not support the television industry that makes its money by promoting comedic sexual license), the world would at least have to deal with God’s ways and may have to change to even make a living…
Hi Jefferis, thank you for this powerful reflection! Sadly, I think you’re right about the culture. It’s really sad what pop culture promotes and celebrates as the “normal” thing to do. But you’re right, we’ve gotta keep our eyes on the Lord. Thanks for this encouragement. Hugs and love xox
I love you! Or rather, I love what you are! Virginity is nothing to be ashamed of. You are beautiful, and have so much to offer than special someone that will be coming into your life. Pray diligently, be faithful to him. Just because your haven’t met him, doesn’t mean that you can’t be faithful to him. Keep it up Beauty 🙂 You’re doing great things 🙂
Hi Samuel, haha Aw thank you so much! That means so much! Yes, gotta pray and keep trusting that He will bring the right man into my life. Just gotta have patienceeeeee 🙂 haha So glad you stopped by! hugs and love xox
A deeply sensitive, and beautiful article. You are a person of great faith. And pancakes are the best!
Thank you so much friend. I really appreciate your kind and encouraging words. And heck yes! Pancakes are awesome! haha hugs xox
What a great message that all young girls would be glad to hear. That’s pretty great what you are doing. Stay true to word and it will not leave you
Thank you so much Pamela. What a kind thing to say. It means a lot 🙂 hugs and love to you! Hope your week is off to a great start! xox
This! All of this. Amazing.
Hi Kasey, aw thank you so so much! So glad you enjoyed it! Hope your week is off to a great start! hugs and love xox
You are so not alone.
I believe it is all about honouring God
In my experience, people are never satisfied with what you do or give.
God is proud of you and I’m proud of you too.
Don’t hide in your house or wish the ground will swallow you up.
I believe that Christ has borne shame on the cross of Calvary so when situations arise that will cause me to shrink back, I, in faith step into the crowd, believing that God goes with me, leading and guiding and the host of heaven and the crowd of witnesses (the faith hall of fame) are cheering me on.
They are cheering you on too. Keep doing the right thing because of Him and not for any earthly applause
You are capable of more, glory to God, the Holy Ghost lives in you.
Thanks again friend ❤️❤️❤️❤️
You are an absolute rock star! I always enjoy your posts, but you will never top this, ever (sorry). I was so inspired and motivated reading this my heart started to pound and I actually started to cry a little.
Both my oldest son and daughter made vows of chastity and saved themselves for marriage. As a parent I felt so honored to have them as children, not that I judge people who don’t do this, but it’s a glorious thing to do. Both of them feel very happy that they made this decision and it has done nothing but strengthen their marriages. They both are happily married and have beautiful children. I applaud you. I truly do. You will be rewarded and blessed.
Hi there David! Oh my gosh thank you! You’re so kind. Aw! I’m glad it resonated with you. and wow-that is so awesome that your kids made those views. truly powerful. you have given me a lot of hope this evening. so thank you. a lot. hugs and love to you and yours xox
It’s funny that society has turned virginity into something to be ashamed of rather than something to be treasured. Well done to you for making the conscious decision to save yourself for marriage, and for understanding that marriage is more about giving than receiving. Romans 12:2 talks about being transformed not conformed, and having the understanding about giving and being willing to save yourself is a great example of living that out!
Hi Tim! You’re right – the culture has a funny way of doing that with a lot of things. Thanks for this encouragement. Romans12:2 — what a powerful verse. I had forgotten about that one, so thanks for the reminder! Glad you stopped by! hugs and love xox
Wow! Such a great post and really brave! Thanks for sharing so many aspects of your journey on this blog. I know you are helping so many and I am sending this to my five teenagers! Such an important topic for them, and your voice will be one they will hear and listen to. Don’t stop sharing!
Hi tdeets! Aw, thank you so much! I really appreciate your kind and wonderfully encouraging note! that’s aweomse! I hope they enjoy the piece:) sending big hugs and love to you and yours xox
Ah, Beebs, in spite of the seven-footer of NYC Bronx bus staring me down, saying he had God’s number, too. Or, was it God’s number two? That would be kinda gross, I dunno, I was always so self-conscious about this topic [yourn], nervous, sheepish, disinterested to the point of avoidance, that I kinda refused to admit the existence of it at all. In the this NYC stage, the seven-footer wasn’t slamming my virginity but rather my God. I guess in the way you write, God has a lot of involvement in the “you.” But, anyway, so glad nobody pulled the V-card conversation with me in dating, although also quite glad no one was watching my thought stage on my first date and the words going merry-go-round in my head, and me, WHY? WHY? WHY? Have sex with [cutie]. Have sex with [cutie]. Have sex with [cutie]… … … WHY? I don’t even like that topic! I don’t like anything! I believe in an ascetic life with no pleasures and no joy! That’s why I choose to never even eat dessert!! And so my life went…until life taught me to remember who I was or am or might be or … well, should have been…And I thought the world of a certain gal. Still do. But it’s weird. Anyway, I dunno, everything’s weird. I guess I have a blank look on my brain right now, an abyss of unfathomable ignorance about the whole topic of love in its entirety. I guess I should’ve asked that first girl on that first date if we could “do it.” Maybe I would have learned to live with shame and handled some of my later life better. Courage never comes cheap. I wish I’d learned my lesson. I wish I will have, and I still hope that I might, but love and curiosity sure do pull at one’s heartstrings. I certainly do understand that. I’m too much of a fool to see clarity in why people do or say as they do. I’m too much of an idiot to ever explain why I ever did what I did. I do it all the same, even to sound like the fool of an idiot that I am. I waited for that one, and I guess we were one week away from the day when somehow I didn’t delay. It was good for me while it lasted, those years. Nothing ever seems understandable about life’s end from beginning. Choices seem rash like a hurricane even though it’s so hard to identify their source or foundation later looking back. I would like to excuse myself and exit with some excuse for my bad life, but I won’t. I’ll acknowledge that even though I thought to live well, even though I had courage to stand up for belief, still I’ve hurt those I’ve loved, and it’s not an easy thing to find peace. If love were soup in a Chinese shop served with sex as noodles on top. If love were nothing more than chicken legs eaten and forgotten like yesterday’s eggs, I guess it would mean nothing when love falls apart. A little indigestion, maybe a fart. But searching as to earth’s core, after finding searching everywhere and still nothing to give a care to aware. I guess love, like the heart of the earth, many would expose if they knew it’s lurk. But as they don’t and search in vain, holy love’s pretty face remains. I guess it’s good to be kept locked up where only the daring, the cultured may sup. When heart is bound and life denied, love can find a better ride. Still, I’m a bad example. But I’m glad that I don’t care. Maybe nobody should, but I’m not going to judge. Thanks for the tackling the topic. You seem to do it better every time. It’s a hard read, but that’s good for us squeamish country folk!
Hi Dan, thank you for this reflection. It breaks my heart to think that you deny yourself joy! I know you are not into “God-stuff” but I just want to share with you that there is a verse that talks about how Jesus came so that we could have life and have it to the full. AKA — He wanted us to be joyful! If I lived near you I would drop off a care package with a bunch of fun things — like balloons and whoopee cushions and silly string and candy and stuff that would make you smile. Because you deserve joy. You’re worth it. And PS – I will never be able to eat Chinese soup the same way again. haha hugs xox
Beebs, melted Hershey bar in its package for your whoopee cushion, paper snow balls for balloons, candy as long it’s chocolate, and ribbon and lace for your silly string. Don’t worry about the soup, it’ll come out as poop, but sex lasts forever. My joy is war, but not really. I guess it’s just my sore. Maybe someday plowshares and pruning hooks may call our tow. I hope. If not, more war.
Super inspiring, thanks for sharing! A 90’s quote moment.. “you go girl” lol
Thank you so much! haha I so love the 90’s! 🙂 I was a spice girls fan from the start! 🙂 haha thanks for stopping by! hugs and love xox
So proud of you for making an unselfish decision.
Hi there Dr. Burton! Thank you so much for this 🙂 I appreciate your encouraging words. Hugs xox
That is the most beautiful thing I have ever read. The reason I am struggling being married is because of that I expect something out of this relationship rather than giving. I am selfish. Your post is such a great reminder to me and the world about relationships. It is so hard within myself to give like this. I need God’s help. It is especially hard to give when you have been deeply wounded by your spouse. My natural reaction is to withhold my giving anything until he stops his hurtful behavior. But your post is really pointing out to me in such a lovely and gentle way that I’m wrong. What a great testimony you are.
Hi there friend. Thank you so much for sharing this. Navigating the complexities of relationships is so difficult. I’m so inspired by you and your spirit. God is good and will help us heal. Heal our hearts, our relationships – everything. Sending you such a big hug right now. xox
Late-Bloomer, I am sorry to read that you’ve been wounded by your spouse. Things in a relationship are not supposed to be that way. Please take care of yourself and if need be seek support and assistance. God bless!
I agree. My heart breaks to know that he has not cherished you the way you deserve. yes, seek that if need be xx
Reblogged this on FitDeen.
Thank you so much for the reblog! It really means a lot! hugs and love xox
Thank you. Thank you for your honesty, your openness, and the gentle reminder of what my relationships should look like. Not what I can get but what I have to offer. And I have a lot to offer and it’s worth me waiting to jump back into the dating pool until I am more emotionally together.
Thank you so much for this friend. You’re right – you have SO MUCH to offer! Sending you a big big hug right now. thanks for stopping by xox
You are DEFINITELY not alone sista! I’m right there with you. My very own cousin (who isn’t a Christ-follower) just tried to convince me that I needed to loosen my stance on my virginity. It’s a badge of honor and precious gift to our future husbands! #VSquadRocks
Hi there friend! haha love the hashtag!! Oh my gosh can that squad seriously be a thing??? Like can we make t-shirts!?! haha but truly, thank you for this encouragement. It’s so nice to know that I’m not alone. Glad you stopped by. big hugs to you friend. VSquadRocks 🙂
“I felt dumb. I felt ugly. I felt alone.”
I was saving myself for marriage for 26 years and mistakenly gave in to temptation. Once. It’s been 3 years and I still struggle with feeling dumb, ugly, alone and tainted. The only thing that has kept my emptiness and inadequacy at bay is prayer. God forgave me but I struggle to forgive myself…I failed myself and a future woman. BBB, you have stronger character than I ever have; you’ll get through this!
Hi RJN, thank you so much for sharing this. God is amazing in that He forgives us of everything we bring to Him. Forgiving ourselves is always so hard. It took me YEARS and I mean YEARS to forgive myself of all the pain and hurt my anorexia caused to my loved ones. It is still something that if I’m really honest, I still have to work on. But one thing is true: God forgives. And He does not see us the way we see ourselves. He only sees His precious children. Thanks for stopping by. hugs and love friend xox
This is seriously lovely. You have inspired my next topic. I was a Virginia when I married my man and he was not. But it don’t even matter because I knew I was the one recieving his soul, not just his body. Thank you for sharing! Looooved. Let’s stop the stigma of ugly virgins. We are dang hot and dang sexy too!
Hi Jessica, thank you so much for sharing this. haha love that so much! Yeahhhhh! 😉 so glad you stopped by! thanks for the enocouragement! xox
Good post, BBB. My wife and I waited and we’re glad we did. You nailed it when you said it was about giving, not getting.
Thanks for this friend. I really appreciate it. You’ve given me hope 🙂 Sending big hugs and love xox
Lovely post, very brave. I stuck to my guns and waited until I was in love, even if not married, and experienced similar feelings, though not as beautifully articulated as you. Proud of you!
Thank you so much for sharing this! I really appreciate your kind and encouraging words. Means a lot!! 🙂 hugs xox
BRAVA! Your blog reminded myself of me 24 years ago when I first met my then boyfriend, now husband. He was stunned that I was saving myself. I was a rare bird, he said. He didn’t see things like I did, at first, and I loved him despite it. It was then I realized, it wasn’t about him. It was about me. I wanted it. And I’m still glad I did. Thank you for being so open about such a sensitive issue. It needs to be talked about.
You’re not alone and know that God will continue to bring people into your life who will show you this over and over again. 🙂 Bless you!
Hi friend! A rare bird — I like that. So glad that you followed your heart. Thanks for your wonderfully encouraging words. It really means a lot. God is good! hugs and love xox
Another great post.
In seminary, I had a single friend who recommended a book by Doug Rosenau and Michael Todd Wilson. Soul Virgins: Redefining Single Sexuality. (Atlanta: Sexual Wholeness Resources, 2006). Read my review here: Single but not Alone: Soul Virgin (http://wp.me/p3Xeut-hc).
Healthy relationships require practice; practicing unhealthy relationship leads to all sorts of bad outcomes. Unfortunately, Hollywood and our society reinforce the latter.
Hi there Stephen! Sounds like a really interesting book! thanks for passing it along. You’re right – Hollywood unfortunately has a bit of a different agenda… Thanks for stopping by! hugs and love xox
Saving yourself is not dumb, definitely not ugly, and know that you are not alone and there are many people who wish they could join you. Saving yourself for “the one” shows patience, virtue, strength, and grace at the highest level. I admire you so much for that and also for sharing your story. I know that it can be scary to put yourself out there and now and then you may feel vulnerable, but I feel honored that I got to read this.
This is going to sound so cliche, but never settle because you deserve the very best and you should never settle for less than butterflies. I also admire your parents for their 40 years of marriage. It is so beautiful and true that we should be thinking about what we can give rather than what we can get.
Thanks again for writing this. It has helped put things back into perspective for me. *hugs* <3
Hi there friend. Thank you so much for this encouragement. It really means a lot. Yeah, it is scary…But I am just so encouraged by folks like YOU who offer such kindness. I can’t tell you how much that means, so thank you. I’ll keep looking for those butterflies 😉 hehe thanks friend. and yes — my parents are freaking rock stars 🙂 hugs and love xox
True Beauty . You nailed it. Just nailed it! You stuck the landing and everything just now! If there’s one thing reading the Book has force-fed my warped mind it is that we are messed up and God is not. He sees the universe, the world, you, and me as we really are. We are the ones who see a twisted reality, and the World has twisted True Beauty into something Ugly. You have embraced Reality, hugged the Truth and the One who spoke it to us and it doesn’t look like you are letting go any time soon. Hang on to Him and onto every Word He says about you, BBB, because from where I’m sitting, it looks like He is very much in love with you. Very, very much.
haha thank you so much! Amen to that – God is not messed up and loves to fix our messes! Isn’t that such a comfort to know that God doesn’t see us the way we see ourselves, but rather as His precious children!? so awesome. You’ve got me excited for gymnastics in the olympics now 🙂 haha thanks again. hugs xox
I feel almost equally odd commenting on this *downs a shot* but….just from this side of the electrons, the pictures indicate you are blessed with a God-given beauty, inside and out. You are right, it is about what you give. Congratulations for still being in a position to give that gift!
But I understand your gentleman’s concern that perhaps the gift may not be well received. That is (with guys…we are kinda dense) a distinct risk. Not that all guys are dense, but…we are Martians (or waffles) to you Venusians (or spaghetti). So it IS still somewhat about you, and YOU wanting to GIVE the gift even if it isn’t as well received as you hope, dream, desire. Or better, to realize that the gift is to God, not to the guy who will actually posses it.
*downs another shot*
Hi Jeff, oh my gosh thank you so much! haha oh my gosh martians — I am literally laughing out loud right now! so thank you for that gift 🙂 but seriously, I really appreciate all the kind things you said…thank you friend. 🙂 hugs and much love xox
Your courage, honesty and vulnerability are beautiful. Look in the mirror every day and remind yourself of that! And if a man doesn’t get it, he’s not the one.
Hi there friend! wow, thank you for this beautiful comment! I really appreciate it. God is good! Hugs and love xox
That dress looks gorgeous on you! 🙂
As someone who hasn’t lost her V-card either, I really enjoyed reading your post and can resonate with a lot of what you mentioned. It can be easy to feel discouraged and lonely when we approach romance from a different perspective than a lot other people in our culture. You’re not alone in feeling insecure or ‘ugly’ or ‘weird’ for being a virgin.
I’m glad that this experience has inspired you to reach out more for God rather than drawing away or conforming to the world’s expectations and standards.
Hi Ophie! haha oh my gosh thank you so much 🙂 I love when the occasion arises to get gussied up! 🙂 hehe But seriously, thank you so much for this encouragement. It’s nice to know I’m not alone. Sending such a big hug! xox
I wish we lived closer where I could hug you, cry with you, and encourage you over coffee. Your post absolutely made me cry because I’ve known that type of lonely and that feeling of embarrassment for a decision you should never be embarrassed about. As a fellow v-card holder (is that the cool way to say it?) I’ve dealt with this all a few times over. I never expected to not be married in my thirties, but it happened. And each year that passes and I’m not married, I get a little more fearful of this conversation with people because they REALLY look at me funny when I tell them. I have found this year especially hard because my dear friend R passed away unexpectedly – I loved him very much and a part of me always thought if he got his life together, we would have gotten back together – so when he died, I didn’t just mourn him, but the idea of a future with him. But every time I think about giving up and giving in, I remember that (according to Jewish law) it is more than just the ultimate gift you can give, it is a blood covenant between a virgin bride and her groom. It’s a blood covenant just like our covenant that Jesus made with us when he was crucified for our sins to make pure and holy before God. That keeps me from giving in and giving up every single time. Know you are not alone in this – there are others like us out there! And if it’s any comfort, EVERY MARRIED PERSON I’ve ever spoken to, who didn’t wait, wishes they would have – the first thing they’ll say is if they had it to do over again, they’d wait for their spouse. So chin up…he’s out there, and I promise, if he’s special enough to marry, he’ll FULLY appreciate the gift you give him!!
Hi there Grace, thank you so much for this powerful reflection. I am so sorry for your loss. I can tell that R occupies a special spot in your heart, so know that I am giving you a big big hug right now. Thank you for the encouragement. It’s nice to know that I’m not alone in this. You’re right — God is good and has the right men out there for us. And hey, I would take you up on that cup of coffee any day! 🙂 thanks again friend. You are a blessing 🙂 hugs an love xox
yes! yes!! yes!!!
Aw, thank you! thank you!! thank you!!! 😀 hehe
Girl. Seriously THIS post is why I write. Like , I felt like I was reading my life , but I wasn’t the one who wrote it. youtube.com/c/natajazanelle come talk with us. There is more people than you know waiting ! You just inspired me so.
Haha aw, thank you so much Nataja! I’m so glad it resonated with you!! I’ll definitely check out your channel! Lemme know if you’d ever like to collab on anything! 🙂 hugs and lots of love! PS – i love your name – so beautiful! xx
Would loveeeeee to collab ! And thank you so much ❤️❤️❤️
Beautiful. Moved me to tears. As the father of two daughters about your age (early 20s), I want them to read this. Thanks for your openness and candor on the subject. So important, the truths you expressed.
Hi there Rob! Thank you so much for this encouraging note. It really means a lot. Hugs and love to you and yours xox
*stands up, claps and cheers you on*
Way to go! You are TRULY, Beautiful and stronger than most. I commend you. 🙂
Thank you so much!! 🙂 awww that is so sweet of you to say 🙂 I’m touched 🙂 thanks for stopping by! hope your week is off to a great start! hugs and love xox
I would love to get you a copy of, “The Secret Of The Stairs” by Wade E Taylor. It teaches about the LOVE of God for us from the Song Of Solomon. It changed my whole perspective! 🙂
Oh wow! Sounds like an interesting book! I’ll keep my eyes peeled for it. Thanks for the recco!
This is the best way to get a copy, from his website. http://www.wadetaylorpublications.org/books.html
Wow this is some good stuff! Thank you for sharing on a topic that we don’t talk about near enough. Abstinence before marriage is so worth celebrating! Thanks for sharing and for giving glory to God in doing so. You’re a really gifted writer. Keep at it!
Hi there friend! Aw, thank you so much! I really appreciate your encouragement. God is good! 🙂 Glad you stopped by! Happy Monday! xox hugs and love
I cracked up 😂 I loved it. If it makes you feel any better, the church we attend has many virgins who proudly hold that v – card and well into their 20s and 30s … all 4 of my teens included. I wish I would have waited even being raised in an atheist house hold. Stay 💪!
Hi friend! Aww so glad it made you laugh! Thank you for this encouragement. It’s nice to now I’m not alone:) sending big hugs to you xox
Hey BBB, I wish I could reach through this screen right now and give you a big hug. I have had these uncomfortable talks, but with friends not people I met in bars. I don’t think it made it me feel any better trying to tell others that don’t believe in saving yourself for marriage that I am, or at least have recommitted myself after I had a serious fiancee whom I thought would be my husband. I have experienced a LOT of shame after that break-up knowing I gave myself to that man and now I wouldn’t have it to give to any other. I have recommitted myself to Christ and to my future husband knowing that I do have a lot to give and hopefully my future husband has been preparing himself in the same manner. God bless you and your work BBB!
Hi Lyndsay! Thank you so much for the hugs and the encouragement. I’m giving you a big hug right back! But seriously, it means so much that you would share your heart like this. You’re so right – you have SO MUCH to give. So so much. Your future husband is going to be one lucky fella! 🙂 hugs and love to your friend xox
So first, let me make a confession of my own since you made one already: I’m a 31 year-old male and I’m a virgin. Sounds like admitting an addiction, no? The peculiar thing is that in our culture, even as Christians, we are expected to have sex before marriage.
I always enjoy the reasons: “The Bible was written a long time ago when people got married young.” “You won’t know how to please your wife/husband.” “It’s just sex.” Ad nauseam.
Well, if there is an issue with The Bible being irrelevant due to its age, is murder okay now? Stealing? If you get married as a virgin, and your spouse is one too, you two will figure things out together, no? And you’ll never have someone else to compare them to. And sex is, of course, not just sex.
Having known more than enough people who had sex before marriage, I have yet to hear that it was indeed just sex. There is always an emptiness and missing-piece syndrome. We have to realize that God didn’t make up the part about the two becoming one, and we are right to be greedy with whom we become one — perhaps the only allowable time, but I digress. Sex, as with all things, must take a back seat to what God desires of us, our desires important to Him but ever secondary.
Forgive me for my candor, but a man who can’t understand why you are saving yourself for marriage doesn’t deserve someone like you (then, it is a rare man who actually does deserve the woman he ends up with). It follows that such a person has not done as much themselves, and you deserve as much, although such men are rare in extremis. But then rarity ought follow rarity.
Listen, I know the loneliness that comes with celibacy, wanting to share yourself, in whole, with another person. It is hard to see others doing what we long for, while we are denied, but, as I wrote earlier, we as Christians must find God and His Word above our desires. We have to ask ourselves the terrifying question as to whether we would remain a virgin if we were denied marriage by God.
As for how you felt exposed, well, you were. But there is nothing to be ashamed of, nothing to feel embarrassed by. There is nothing that anyone thinks of us that compares to what God thinks of us. Confidence comes when we are sure of who God is and who we are to Him. You are not alone, though we are a seemingly dying breed. You are beautiful for choosing God over a man. And my goodness, your future husband ought to be thankful for the woman that you are and the difficult choice you have made.
Remember this: beauty resides in the spirit, in the heart, never in the mirror or in the opinion of another person.
Hi Kello, wow. Thank you so much for this powerful reflection. I am seriously so uplifted after reading your words. And may I just say, you write beautifully! So. Much. Wisdom. Here. And I love hearing from a guy’s perspective. You’re right- admitting the V Card does feel like that! But everything you’ve said is so true…We’ve got to keep seeking God above our desires. Thank you for such powerful encouragement and hope. Fist bump through the screen for realz 🙂 hehe hugs and love xox
Glad the words meant something, though I simply try to write the truth.
A bit of a tangent: ever find it extremely strange that a society that reveres fairy tales, particularly for romance, doesn’t want actual fairy tale love? Is there a single fairy tale where the couple has sex before getting married?
And Christian is fine. I don’t normally go by my last name. 😛 Haha.
Haha-ok sorry Christian! 😬😬 haha i had a 50/50 shot lol but you’re so right about the fairy tales! Very strange! Hugs xx
You are an amazing young lady. Hold onto that.
Hi Mary, my goodness, thank you for this. It means so much. Hugs to you! xox
Hey there, I really appreciated your post. Don’t worry there are guys out there that are saving themselves for women of God who have saved themselves. I was 29 when I finally got married and lost my v-card. The awesome thing is that God blessed me with a wonderful wife who had also saved herself for me too. There is something awesome about being able to share that with each other for the first time all the great parts and all the awkwardness too. Hang on, it’s worth the wait and God will bless your faithfulness!
Hi Andy, thank you so much for sharing this! How inspiring. You’ve really given me hope. It’s nice to know I”m not alone. Hugs and love xox
I have only been with my husband. We didn’t wait until we were married .. However I am glad that I have only ever been with him. It will mean the world to your husband, and you will never regret the gift that you give him.
Hi there friend! Thank you so much for sharing this. That is so beautiful. Thanks for this kindness. Hugs and love xox
Proverbs 5 verse 5 warns against adultery I only wish that what I was your age I had that verse before became stupid way to go I love you buddy
Hi friend! Nice to see your face pop up! Thanks for sharing this verse. God’s word is powerful. Hugs and love xox
I only give you a message of love because it happened to me and I wasn’t as smart as you at the time. When I lost mine getting ruins my life for 7 years
❤️❤️❤️❤️big hugs friend
Be well in health, joyful in spirit and strong in word
❤️❤️right back at’cha!
Thank you for sharing. I believe it took courage, and a nudge from Holy Spirit to be open with all who will read. Yet, even as I write that, it doesn’t seem right. It doesn’t seem right that a Christian, a follower of Jesus Christ, is unusual because that person, male or female, is a virgin. What has happened to Righteousness and a Christian walk.
Back when my wife and I were married 45 plus years ago, we were both virgins, but the pressure was not the same way back then as with you young people now. But again, I have trouble understanding that among Christians.
I thank you for writing this, hoping that many young people will see or hear of your stand, and follow your example.
It seems so strange to us, but even in a small group Bible Study that our daughter and son in law are in, only they and one other couple were virgins when they married. Apparently each couple said they gave their virginity to their future spouse, but it was still before marriage.
Sorry for the ramble, but thanks again for your example, and telling your story.
GOD’S ABUNDANT BLESSINGS!!
Hi GM! wow thank you for this beautiful encouragement. What a beautiful example you and your wife are leading – 45 year, that’s so beautiful. Thank you for your kindness. It means more than you know. hugs and love to you and yours xox
I totally understand because I didn’t have sex until I was married either. I got a lot of “offers”, dated a lot and did other things, (and truth be told, I shouldn’t have been), but I waited to “cash in the card” for the same reason you did. Some people didn’t understand that, but telling turned out to be an *excellent* “weed-out tool” to see which guys really liked me for *me* and which just wanted sex. I wasn’t concerned about him waiting (my husband had not) so much as whether or not he respected me and my beliefs enough not to push me too far. I had a virgin ex who didn’t. I guess I took a long time here to say that you’re not the only beautiful girl (inside and out) who didn’t want to give that part of herself until she was married.
May God bless you and keep you.
Hi Shannon! Thank you so much for sharing this. What a beautiful testimony of hope. It’s nice to know that I’m not alone. Thanks again for such kindness. It means more than you know. hugs and love xox
God is directing us. He directs us to friends and away from those who we’re better off away from. He helps us see things in both kinds of people though. He doesn’t do it for us. He puts decisions to make, lessons to learn, and new paths to follow all in front of us for us to choose. Every path we choose helps us gain wisdom and knowledge in life. Sometimes we choose paths that need more of His help to get us on a better one. Sometimes we choose the better one and see His grace sooner. He tries to save us for the right one to be with. We can have friends and be close people of either gender. We can love them as He loves us. But he saves us for that one total love and while others may take rougher paths to discover it (some implode themselves before getting there sadly) its a better path to do exactly what you are doing!! Biggest hugs!!
Hi Migueltio, thank you so much for this! Wow, such uplifting words. I am so touched. You’re so right, we’re all on a journey, and learning LOTS along the way. I appreciate your encouraging words! Hugs and love xox
Hugs and love!! xoxo
<3 <3 <3
It IS a gift to that man you will one day marry – but it is ALSO a gift to you. You don’t need to let anyone get that close to you who isn’t totally, 100%, committed to you. Sex is meant to be the culmination of togetherness and despite all societal evidence to the contrary, it can’t actually be done ‘casually’. Not without numbing our souls. You don’t need that. Nor do you need the anxiety and pain of non-casual-but-still-unmarried sex that may, or may not, end up in marriage. No. You don’t need that. You just keep believing that you are infinitely cherish-able, smarter than your average duck, and absolutely worth waiting for (’till marriage – whether or not he waited before).
Hi Lorrie, thank you so much for this beautiful encouragement. You have really touched my heart so thank you. Sending big hugs:)
nice, i like it
Thanks friend! So glad you liked it! Hugs and love xox
Hugs and love to you as well
This. Post. Is. Awesome.
I love it.
Biggest hugs. Keep on keeping the faith, you got this!
Aw thank you so much:) that really means a lot. Sending big big hugs right back at’cha! Hugs and love xox
I’d like to suggest you look at this from a slightly different angle. Keeping your virginity ‘for’ your husband-to-be is only part of it. The first priority is your Heavenly Father, who has made it abundantly clear that He does not approve of fornication (Matt 15:19-20 – Jesus speaking). The second priority is yourself, and it’s a matter of respect for YOU. Every time a person shares their body ‘loosely’ with another, they get hit with a download of that person’s spiritual baggage – and it stays. Say no more! The third priority is having that gift to share with your future husband. Do not regard virginity as ‘self denial’ for someone who has not showed up yet. You are maintaining your own integrity and your standing as a daughter of your Heavenly Father.
Hi friend! Wow thank you so much for this powerful perspective. You’ve really given me a lot to think and pray about. You’re right-it’s to honor God! Hugs and love xox
I am probably commenter #7429, but have you read my post titled, “Slut.” ? You could do worse, dear. Besides, it helps to back off and look at the big picture: from where I sit, my marriage that was supposed to last forever, lasted for 7 years, my two children who were going to have everything I didn’t, inherited my bipolar disorder AND birth defects, the loss or even the protection of my virginity until I was over 21 doesn’t even show up as a blip on my radar. Some things don’t turn out the way you thought the would…and sometimes you respond with, “Thank God!”
Hi Kitsy! Oh no! I definitely got your last comment! I hope it shows up on your computer this time! Thank you for sharing this. I have not read that post yet, but I definitely will head on over and check it out! You’re right, sometimes things don’t turn out exactly as planned, but we have to just trust that we’ll end up where we’re supposed to. I’m sorry that your marriage didn’t last forever. Sending you a big hug. It’s hard to understand why things happen, but I have to just believe that He is good and in control. Hope you’re having a nice evening. So glad you stopped by my friend xox
Hugs!!! You have nothing to be ashamed about! I’m reminded of the parable of the mustard seed. I truly believe that in these situations, it is the Holy Spirit that speaks through us. Your friend was not in a place where he could understand the fullness of your message, which was really God’s message speaking through you, but just because you didn’t see the fruit of your great risk doesn’t mean that in time it won’t bear fruit. One day, when he is wiser and more understanding, maybe he will think back on that conversation and it will all come together. I can think of many instances in my recovery journey when that was the case for me. I needed more time and more grace and more repetition of the same message until it finally clicked, like the realization that I am forgiven. As a fellow V-card holder in my early 30s, I offer you my solidarity. I’ll never forget the time a friend outed me to my entire grad school class (of 200 people) by declaring, as grades were released, “This VIRGIN earned an honors in human sexuality!” I wanted to melt into the floor, and every time I thought of that moment, I could feels waves of shame wash over me. It’s been many years, and I can think about it without reexperiencing the hurt, but I still remember exactly what it was like. Sending so much love to you! Xoxoxo
Hi Lulu! Thank you so much for this beautiful encouragement. Oh my gosh. I am so sorry that that happened in grad school! Oh my gosh I giving you such a big hug. I want to smack the idiot that said that upside the head!!!! But seriously, you’ve offered so much wisdom here, it means the world. It’s nice to know that I’m not alone in this. And boy, can I relate to needing to be reminded that I’m forgiven. Holy camoley can I relate to that. But we are. God is so good. Sending bug hugs my friend ! xox
I was scrolling through the other comments here and marveling at the immediate and overwhelming responses to your post. It’s amazing the number of people who you encourage, inspire, uplift, but also challenge through your writing. When the Holy Spirit is at work, people are drawn together. The Spirit collects people to it. That’s what I see happening here. Whatever God’s purpose was for you on that emotional night, He is continuing to minister through you now. By the way, did you know that in the Ancient Greek of the bible, the word “witness” also means “martyr”? Not all of us are called to be actual martyrs, but I think that in this very secular Western culture, many people become martyrs of a different sort, by being countercultural and suffering the consequences in social status or reputation. I SO love you for your integrity, your vulnerability, and the way you both constantly remind and challenge me. I think the true attribution for this quote goes to newspaper columnist Red Smith, when asked if writing was easy, he said, “Why no. You simply sit down at the typewriter, open your veins, and bleed.” Thank you for sharing your heart. You are definitely not alone. ❤️
Wow, Lulu. You are such a great friend. Truly. I am so grateful for you. Thank you for this. Yes, I have been absolutely blown away by the kindness and encouragement people have so generously offered here. I am so touched by the love and true community that has come together. God is at work. And my goodness, that quote could not be more true! I love it! Thanks again for being you, Lulu. You really are a blessing! massive hugs xox
Massive hugs back to you, my friend! Thank you for all of your kind words. ❤️
Great post 🙂 Their are different kinds of reasons people love to talk about their virginity. Sometimes, it is because they want to feel what sex is like. Sometimes it is because they want to have children. Other reasons you can fill in the blank. Personally, I am not an expert on the topic as embarrassing as it probably sounds, but why do I get the very strange feeling that most (not all) people who lose their virginity are happy about it If they lose it after they get married? I hope this does not sound like an uneducated question, but talking to other people, they seem to have implied that? Nevertheless, you wrote a very intelligent post and keep up the great work as always 🙂
Hey John! Thanks so much for sharing this. Good question!! Definitely doesn’t sound uneducated at all! 🙂 So glad you stopped by! hugs and love xox
When I married my hubby 13+ years ago, I was a virgin…and it STILL means the world to him. Keep shining your light😉
Hi Vanessa! thank you so much for this encouragement! Seriously, you’ve given me so much hope. Your marriage is an inspiration! hugs and love xox
A wonderful post! Thanks so much for sharing.
Thanks Hugh! I really appreciate it! Glad you stopped by! hugs and love xox
Be proud of yourself and never let anyone else make you doubt YOU!..The V Card is something that is precious and something that a lot more people should think about. It is something that you can never get back and I’m sure there are many who wished they had waited. So proud of you.
Hey hey Corrie! Oh my gosh thank you friend:) You are always so kind. I am grateful for you:) Hugs and love xox
Thank you. Be Blessed.
Thank you for this post. It’s great to know that there are other believers who are putting God and His desires for their lives before their own fleshly desires and the normal desires of this world. Virginity is a precious gift and it should be saved and given to the man you marry. It is honoring to God, as well as to you and your future husband. I pray that more people would make this decision for their lives.
I am in my mid-twenties, and like you, I have never “done it”. However, I was assaulted a few years ago and I am struggling with the thought that I no longer have anything to “give away”. I am being told by someone I really trust in my life that I didn’t choose what happened to me, and that I didn’t give myself away, it was taken. Hopefully someday I will be able to believe this, and I am going to continue to save myself so that the first time I CHOOSE to “do it” will be with my husband.
Just know that you are definitely not alone. You are strong and beautiful and obedient to God. Keep the faith.
Hi Grace, thank you so much for sharing this. I am so sorry that you were assaulted. That absolutely breaks my heart. Your friend who told you that is 100% right — it was taken from you. Stolen. You did not choose to do that but were assaulted. And it pains my heart to think that someone did not treat you as the precious gift that you are. You are worthy. You are loved. And you are worth waiting for. Sending you so much love and hugs xox
I just prayed 5 mins before checking my email and seeing this post! My prayer was to God that I want my own man that I can be one with” I too am a virgin! I am 29 approaching 30 (September) and I often feel like an alien. I was fine until recently when every one started asking why I am still single and asking about marriage. I am in no hurry to rush marriage however I don’t want to be single for ever. I am so thankful that you shared your story because it gets me hope and courage to keep standing strong!
Hi Miss Logan 🙂 Thank you so much for sharing this! I’m so glad that our paths crossed tonight! It’s nice to know that I’m not alone. Grateful for you, friend. I totally can relate to everything you’re saying! hugs and love xox
Same here… Approaching 30 soon & don’t wanna be single forever either. But you know something…I don’t think we will and it won’t be long. God is working on a very special man for us, so it’s critical (yeah, I know easier said than done) we are patient and faithful through this part of our lives
Thank you for the confirmation and understanding! Bless you Sister!
Not a problem!😄👋🏾
I think everyone has pretty much covered it all. I think your waiting is beautiful and a precious treasure to the Lord. I was not walking with the Lord until 3 years into my marriage, age 24. I was not a virgin when we got married. However, since our marriage ended 13 years ago, I have kept myself for Jesus and am waiting for the one He has for me. I know it’s hard, but God is faithful. You get even stranger reactions when you were once married, have 3 kids, and are now celibate!! I like to have fun with it when I can. Anytime a doctor asks the question, “Is it possible you could be pregnant?” I answer, “Unless Jesus is coming back the second time the way He did the first, then no.” Haha!! It gets them laughing 😂
hahaha oh my gosh that answer to your doctor is priceless!! 🙂 hehe thank you for sharing this. You’re so right — God is faithful. And He will provide. Trusting Him is the hardest part. God is preparing those men for us right now:) Sending big hugs xox
Let me begin by telling you that you’re one of the rarest, most beautiful people in the entire world.
I mean that from the bottom of my heart.
Now, allow me to be as transparent as you have been…I’m a man and like many who have posted comments thus far, I’m also a virgin. I have for many years been proud of that character trait because it’s a symbol of my obedience to my God, but for some time now I’ve felt alone and ashamed for being the man that I am…for waiting to have sex…for saving myself for the woman I may one day call my wife.
And after reading your words today I have hope again that God has done a wonderful thing in preserving those whom He has chosen. Very much like Elijah when God told him that He had saved 7000 in Israel who had not bowed a knee to Baal…
Your words, along with many who have commented here, are a reminder that I’m not alone.
Take Courage…Stay true to God…Stay true to yourself…Stand firm in what you believe…Always stand firm in God!
God bless you, my dear…and thank you. 😉
Wow. I am so humbled and touched by your comment. Thank you so much for your kind words and for sharing your heart. I so agree…reading these comments, I have been profoundly moved in knowing that I’m not alone in this. I was getting really discouraged, believing that I was literally the only one, but I have just been so encouraged by everyone sharing their stories too! Hang in there my friend. We’re not alone and God is good! Hugs and love xox
🙂 thank you.
hey….how did you put those hearts in the comments section? I’ve been trying to figure that out for a long time.
haha I have to do it through my iPhone. There’s an emoji keyboard on the iPhone. When I reply on my computer, I’m just limited to the 🙂 smilies. Hope that helps! xox
awww….ya…that helps…a bit discouraging however. 😉
Sorry friend! Copy/paste?? 🙂
I can try that.
Hope it works!
Not alone. I was in my twenties. Saved it for the man I would marry. You go.
Thank you so much:) What a beautiful love story! 🙂 You’re an inspiration! hugs and love xox
You can do it. You’ll feel special forever, and the ones who left you because they couldn’t wait will all be messaging you left and right and you can just laugh and feel like a 👸🏻
Hahahaha this is amazing 🙌🙌🙌😂😎 but seriously, thanks again❤️❤️
Ps your writing us exquisite.
and wow what a kind thing to say!! thank you!!
Whom you sleep with and when is a deeply personal choice, whether it’s based on your religious beliefs or not. Choosing to remain chaste until marriage is a decision that you’ve clearly thought through carefully. Be loud and proud, and have sex when you’re ready to. No apologies sister. And this coming from a woman who made a completely different choice. Sending you love for being brave.
Hi Joanna, thank you so much for this encouragement 🙂 You’re right- it is a deeply personal choice all the way around. Grateful for you, friend! Hugs and love xox
I love this so much! I’m sharing this on Facebook. By the way, you’re totally not alone!
-An ankle-length skirt, orthopedic shoe *insert* wearing virgin with ONLY ONE cat, thank you very much 🙂
Seriously though, I also hate that exposed feeling you get when telling someone you’re a virgin. But it’s also an opportunity to witness about what Jesus has done for us, and that’s why we want to wait for our husbands.
I also like your comparison of Jesus giving all of himself on the cross, to us giving all of us to our spouse. I had never heard it put that way before. 🙂
Hi friend! Aw, thank you so much for this encouragement! hahahah oh my gosh you’ve got me cracking up with the *inserts* hahahah you go girl! But really, it’s nice to know I’m not alone and I’m very grateful for your kind words. And thanks for the shout out on Facebook. *much appreciated* 🙂 hugs and love!
No problem! Haha, it’s true, I wouldn’t be caught dead in the shoes, but my feet get crampy without my Dr. Scholls inserts. xD I have no shame! *hugs*
Haha yessss!! ❤️❤️❤️
I think that this is a wonderful decision that you’ve made, and a great commitment to God, yourself, and your future husband. Virginity is sacred and it should only be given away to the one you marry. It is honoring to God, yourself, and your future husband. Your obedience and your wilingnss to put God’s desires for your life higher on your priority list than your own desires for your life or the desires of this world is inspiring. I hope that others who read this will follow your example.
I’m in my mid twenties, and I too have never “done it”. I always stood firm on that and have never waivered in my decision or commitment to God. However, I was assaulted a couple of years ago. I am really struggling with the thought and belief that I no longer have anything to “give away.” I struggle with thinking that I failed to keep my purity, even though I never wanted it to happen. There is a person in my life whom I trust a great deal who is trying to help me to see that God does not hold that against me, and that I haven’t “given” anything away. It was taken. So I’m trying to take this advice and make it my belief, although it seems impossible at times. I do know, however, that I am going to save the first time I CHOOSE to give of myself for my future husband after we are married.
I just want you to know that you are not alone. You are blessed and loved and you are choosing to honor God. You are making a wise choice and I only pray that more people would make this commitment. Keep the faith.
Hi again friend (I believe this is Grace Wins?) 🙂 Thank you for sharing your beautiful heart and story. I am so sorry that you were assaulted. That absolutely breaks my heart. Your friend who told you that is 100% right — it was taken from you. Stolen. You did not choose to do that but were assaulted. And it pains my heart to think that someone did not treat you as the precious gift that you are. You are worthy. You are loved. And you are worth waiting for. Sending you so much love and hugs xox
So there isn’t really much left to say that hasn’t already been said in the comments but I just want to say thank you. Thank you for being brave enough to share this. Thank you for showing that it is not a commodity to be given away to some random (although no judgement to those who enjoy participating in the act..Go Get it). Thank you for not only voicing but validating my views on the subject… and if you couldn’t tell, I’m also a virgin and I’m 22. Thank you for showing me and lots of others like me that we aren’t alone and saving oneself is not a myth and completely respectable. And if I haven’t said it enough, I’ll say it again, THANK YOU!
Hi there Miss Larisha. Thank you so much for this heartfelt note. It really means a lot. I agree — no judgement here if people have chosen otherwise. This is just my personal belief on the matter. But it is nice to know I am not alone. 🙂 Grateful for you friend 🙂 hugs and much love to you xox
I am proud of you for sharing this! And thank you because you just stop myself from losing my Virginity just because… Sometimes when we get lonely we have a tendency of doing things … Most of the times they aren’t the right one …
Xoxo, love you girl ! You are beautiful and not alone .
Hi there friend! Thank you for this beautiful encouragement. It’s so nice to know I’m not alone. Grateful for your kindness. hugs and love xox
It’s just a sad reflection of our times that the word virgin is considered to be a major insult. It shouldn’t be that way. Especially when you consider all of the moral and physical and mental misery promiscuity can lead to.
Being a virgin is nothing to be ashamed of. It is a holy and precious thing that no man can give back to you.
Just consider this: When Jesus came to Earth, he could have chosen anyone to be his mother. He chose a virgin. Furthermore, when the angel came to announce this news to her, her main concern was the possibility of losing her virginity. As soon as the angel reassured her that she would stay a virgin, she accepted.
So, hold on to that V card with pride and dignity. And rock on, girl! 😀
Hi friend! Thank you so much for this encouragement. Wow, I had never thought about that with Mary, but you’re absolutely right. Gosh, that is so powerful. Thanks for this profound insight!! have a great night! hugs and love to you xox
You’re welcome. 🙂
May God bless you.
Your parents were right in saying “relationships are about giving. If you go into it thinking it’s the other way around, you’re going to end up disappointed and hurt.” I’m married and I can vouch for that. But then husband and wife must realize that it applies to them both, so that by mutually giving- you both enjoy the amazing gifts of receiving as well.
Hi Dexter! Thank you so much for this insight. You’re right — it’s gotta by mutual. A lot of wisdom there. Thanks for stopping by! hope your week is off to a great start! hugs and love xox
This really was a great read! Thanks for sharing! Hugs to you! xoxo
Thanks so much! Glad you enjoyed it! Hugs and love xox
This was a fabulously transparent read…. You are not alone. I am encouraged by the many people telling you that. I have been criticized and heckeled & even accused of lying about it…. but the only one in this equation that matters is you….
Hi Anna! Thank you so much for this reflection. I know! I have been so incredibly encouraged as well! I appreciate you stopping by and for your kindness. Hugs and love xox
Respect. Mad respect to you!
Aw thank you so much! That really means a lot. Hugs and love xox
I think you are awesome, both for doing what you think is right inside & also for expressing your experience of what happened with this guy. It is sooo important to accept and love our process and also to respect ourselves. God bless you friend.
Thank you so much for this friend. I so appreciate your encouragement! You’re so right – we’re all on a journey and we’ve got to learn to love the process! hugs and love to you xox
Great post! Not sure how old you are, but I’m going to guess we’re somewhere in the same age range; you’re not alone–I’m a virgin as well. I know we’re making the right choice 🙂
Thank you so much 🙂 I really appreciate your encouragement. It’s so nice to know i’m not alone! 🙂 sending big hugs and love xox
Oh wow, I love this! You’ll never ever regret your decision to remain a virgin until marriage. And what you said about relationships not being about what’s in it for me is spot on. I’ve been married for 37 years and I’m still learning that, but I can say that the sweetest joys come from putting myself on the back burner and letting hubby be the one I bless. One last thing – my daughter, not married yet, says that she plans to remain a virgin until marriage. She’s met her special someone and I pray that they both stay strong. She said to give in would be like opening her Christmas presents before Christmas. Christmas day wouldn’t be nearly as much fun if she did that. Stay strong and remember that the way is narrow, and not many are traveling that direction – but it’s the best and only way!
Thank you so much for this kind and encouraging comment! 37 years – wow, what a beautiful testimony of love. What an inspiration. Thanks for stopping by! hugs and love xox
I cannot like this enough! I was in your shoes once, with that exact same conversation. It lost me several guys that I thought I could have envisioned a future with. BUT… the right guy came along. The one that understood exactly what your momma said… it’s about what you GIVE, not what you GET out of the relationship. And I kept my V card until we got married, 5 years ago. It’s possible, and shouldn’t affect your confidence. You’re my hero!
Aw thank you so much for this encouragement! I’m so glad the right guy came along. What an inspiration 🙂 thanks for such kind words ❤️ Hugs and love xox
Lovely, honest post, as always. I hope you meet the exact right person for you–someone who will respect your choice and appreciate the commitment and integrity behind it.
Hi Jenn! Thank you so much for this kind response. I hope so too❤️ and I trust that I will someday:) big hugs and love to you xox
Thank you so much for this. I had one of those long nights a couple weeks ago, when I was up till stupid o’clock in the morning wondering about the whole topic of waiting and marriage and love. (It’s a particular sensitive issue, I think, for a lot of Christian young adults – nowadays, especially.) I made the personal decision to not only save my virginity and my first kiss, but to spend my teenage years seeking God; that means, until I’m 21 (next year), I won’t date or enter any relationships. It’s something I committed to because I wanted to seek God before anything, and I’ve been questioned a lot about it by (and this probably hurts the most) Christians around me. And that night, all the doubts that had been fed to me kinda exploded and I was questioning everything.
But, as I was experiencing all of this uncertainty, I wrote a letter to my future husband titled “One Day”, that was 100% led by the Holy Spirit:
“Right now, I am not okay. One day, though, I will be.
One day, I will sit with you as you read this letter, and I will roll my eyes and apologise for how emotional I was.
One day, you will hold my hand as we stand at the altar, and I will tell you that it was all worth it.
One day, we will have our first kiss.
One day, we’ll have our first fight as a married couple, and there will be tears and harsh words, but we will decide to talk about it as mature adults instead of resorting to childish behaviours.
One day, we will travel to a foreign country and get lost and have to rely on shoddy translation apps and a book as we try and find our way to our motel before the sun sets.
One day, I will pee on a stick and we will no longer be a family of two.
One day, we will go to the hospital and hold our firstborn in our arms and stand in awe at how amazing our God is.
One day, our first child will take their first step.
One day, three will turn into four, and we will make less mistakes with our second, but still learn how to navigate being parents.
One day, we will watch with pride as our children begin their own personal relationship with God as Christians.
One day, our children will grow up and leave to do whatever it is God has called them to do, and we will be two in a house once more.
One day, we will get the call from a nervous young man asking permission to marry our daughter, and we will smile and reminisce about our wedding day all those years ago.
One day, the news will come that we have a new title – grandparents.
And finally, one day, we will leave behind this temporary life we have been granted, and we will go Home, where we will spend eternity with our Creator and the Author of our lives.
One day, but not now.
And I’m okay with that. Because more than I want all that I’ve listed, I know what I already have is so much more incredible. Because right now, I have God. Or, rather, God has me. And I know He will never let go, ever. One day, I will see Him face to face for the first time. If that alone is the ‘one day’ that comes true and nothing else, I am satisfied. Everything else fades in the truth of the glory of God and the gospel.”
You’re not alone in this, sister. Keep fighting, keep waiting. And one day, God will bring you and your husband together – and it will be more beautiful than you could ever imagine. 🙂 <3
Hi Eleora, oh my gosh can i just say how beautiful this is!? you’ve got me all choked up. wow. thank you for sharing this poem and for encouraging me that i am not alone. i can’t tell you how much it means to me. and you’re absolutely right – God’s has you and I. and what a comforting thought that is. sending big big hugs xox
🙂 Heh, thanks. All God, though; I can never write like that on my own, haha.
You’re most welcome! Thank YOU, for all your posts! They really encourage and help me. 🙂
Sending hugs right back at you! ❤️❤️❤️
I know the feeling! God is good! ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️☺️
I was just thinking that day about the whole thing with marriage and waiting and stuff. Not only is it rather anti cultural in this day and age but it’s almost become a negative stigma for us – and yet, Christians are also the ones shooting us down.
I mean, I’ve had Christian friends tell me that I should ‘date around’ or that waiting instead of pursuing relationships now isn’t something that’s good.
To quote someone, “If a boy really wants to eat at a restaurant, and he goes to it and finds it shut, he’s not going to wait for it to open. He’s going to find another restaurant.” And I was told that I was, basically, a ‘shut restaurant’.
I wanted to reply, “Yes but a restaurant has many customers; I will only have one person. If you really want to go with a restaurant analogy, I’m more like a dish being prepared by the Chef for a particular someone. And by golly, he’ll wait till I’m ‘perfect’ and ready, or he’ll end up disappointed.” But I didn’t say anything because the person who told me was much older than me and I couldn’t really talk back. Kinda wish I had, though. XD
Oh my gosh. Wow. I am speechless after that restaurant analogy. That is so so sad. I’m am sorry that person said that to you. You’re right-we are exquisite dishes:) we’re the catch of the day:) hehe I could have fun with this lol – but really, keep your head up. You are a treasure. Precious. Hang in there friend xox
In hindsight it was really funny, because I’m sure she meant well (I think what she meant was that I should try and keep an open mind about it and not be so quick to write off dating?) but it came across… Rather differently.
I had heaps of fun with with it (feel free to, too, if you want) – though I realised the dish analogy falls short once you consider the fact that God is preparing the guy, too. Does that make us both parts of the same dish? He’s the steak and I’m the mash potatoes? XD
Awww, thank you! You are, too! 😀
Hahaha steak and mashed potatoes!!! Hahaha oh my gosh you’re cracking me up!!! Have a great night friend xox
Thanks! (It’s morning here, actually, but I know what you mean. :P) Have a great night, too! xo
Oh haha! Then have a great day!!
You are doing the right thing. I was a Virgin when I married my wife and she was a Virgin too. It really enriches a marriage!
thank you so much for sharing this. it’s nice to know i’m not alone. what a beautiful love story! hugs and love xo
Praise God for your honesty and commitment. You are such a rare soul in a world full of ease. Praise God that He has done this in you! Your virginity is not foolish and a godly man will spend all of his days in thanksgiving for a woman who pursued after the Lord. Anyone else who tells you that your virginity is foolish is the fool. Go rock those pancakes and orthopedic suit. 🙂
Thank you so much Matthew! I really appreciate your kind words. truly. 🙂 haha yessss pancakes! haha so glad you stopped by friend xox
Wow. I was browsing similar fitness-related blogs and don’t know how I came upon this. This is probably the most vulnerable, real post that I’ve read on WordPress.
I’m not a virgin, but maybe I can offer some words that might offer some insight.
This past Sunday, my pastor gave a sermon about “praying for the right reasons”. Basically, the message was that when we pray or sing or do anything Christian, we shouldn’t care about what others’ opinion. The only opinion we should care about is God’s. We shouldn’t feel the need to tell somebody that we prayed or did something good. And if we do, we should ask ourselves, who are we praying to? God, or other humans?
I think this kind of relates to your situation. You’re clearly pretty close to that guy that you were talking to, so it’s understandable that his shock over your v-card could shake your confidence a bit. But when you make a big decision like saving your virginity, ask yourself, who are you making that decision for? If it’s not that guy, then you shouldn’t be stressed over his opinion.
Hey friend! wow, thank you for this great perspective. first of all, i’m so glad our paths crossed and that you stopped by! and secondly, i just really appreciate your encouraging words. It means a lot. what a powerful sermon. sounds like a great pastor! have a great week! hugs and love xox
Your future husband is the luckiest man on earth.
haha thank you so much for saying that 🙂 incredibly encouraging, and made me laugh. so thanks friend. hugs and love xox
Hi BBB, enjoy your posts, and send many of them on to my daughters. When you have a few minutes, check out my humble scribblings- https://rtbrooks.wordpress.com/2016/06/14/to-the-far-side-of-the-world-2/ Thanks, and God bless, Rob Brooks
Sent from my iPad
Hi Rob! Aw, thank you so much! I so appreciate you passing them along to your girls. It means so much. I hope they resonate with them! and absolutely! i look forward to checking out your stuff! hugs xox
Dear BBB, God looks at our hearts and in you he sees a heart of gold because you are more dear to him than the world. Don’t be discouraged or upset by the words of people who do not have an intimate relationship with God like you. Instead know that God has reserved the best for you. Your mother is absolutely right, relationship’s all about giving if you want to see it blossom. You are God’s beloved and chosen one and he has great plans for you and plans that are for your benefit (Jeremiah 29:11).
Stay blessed and keep blogging!
Hi Delon! Thank you so much for this encouragement. wow, i am so touched by your kindness. you’re right, God has a good plan for all of us. What a comfort in knowing that. so glad you stopped by! hugs and love xox
I love your boldness in saying it publicly. Virginity doesn’t mean “I can’t get laid”, it means “I won’t carry deeper emotional damage into my marriage”. Attachment issues come to the fore when sex enters a relationship, and the brain doesn’t care if you’re married to the other person.
Go, team V-Card!
P.S. I think you’d appreciate my latest blog about loving yourself: https://thinkfreedomblog.wordpress.com/2016/06/10/love-yourself/
Hi friend! I love that distinction you made. very powerful. Thank you for this kind encouragement. it really means a lot. I look forward to checking out your post! thanks for stopping by! hugs and love xox
What a powerful post! I pray it encourages others who are walking in your shoes. It is good for all V card holders to know they are not alone. I am amazed at your dedication to your future husband. It reflects your strength that comes through our Savior. You are an amazing woman. When the day comes when you meet your husband, it will be a blessed union. Blessings.
Thank you so much for this kindness. I am truly touched by your words. And Yes! It has been so incredibly powerful to read from others their stories and learn that, indeed, I am not alone. Feeling very blessed and encouraged tonight. so thank you from the bottom of my heart 🙂 big hugs and love to you friend xox
Wow it’s crazy how transparent you are on this blog! i applaud you for that, and you look amazing in that dress finally i am in the same page as you and it makes me happy that were not old frumpy people like steve carrell
Thanks friend! Aw that’s kind of you to say. I appreciate your encouragement. Glad to know I’m not alone. Sending big hugs and love to you!
It’s hard to find the right words, as English is not my native language but…
You are Brave. You are Beautiful. You are Brilliant and you are simply the Best! (That was an extra B, but you deserve it!
Lennart in Sweden
Hi Lennart! Oh my gosh what a kind response! Wow! I am so touched. Thank you! And oh Sweden ❤️ I visited my friend for midsommar a couple years ago and it was the best trip of my life! Sweden is beautiful and so much fun! Hugs to you friend! Xox
I hope I’m able to instill this sense of self-respect and courage in my 3 daughters.
Hi friend, thank you so much for this encouragement. It sounds like you’re a great parent:) sending hugs and love xox
You are like a diamond, taking in light through its facets and distributing colors. The social norm, is relationships that are so casual they border pathetic. You reflect your uniqueness against it and that warmth is felt. Be that diamond and continue to share your own unique color displacing light and reflecting your own unique color. Sometimes the hardest thing is being yourself.
Wow thank you so much! What a kind thing to say! Makes Rihanna’s song, “shine bright like a diamond” take on a whole new meaning! 🙂 have a great day! Hugs and love xox
is that what the cool kids are listening too? 🙂
hahah oh yes. definitely 🙂 🙂 🙂
I think you’d like Diablo Cody’s movie, Paradise. Your life seems similar to the main character.
Sweet! Thanks I’ll check it out! ❤️❤️❤️