Find Me in the Garden 

Guys. I’ll admit: I’m pretty “basic.”

Granted, I don’t drink Starbucks, and Uggs are not my footwear of choice, but I definitely can relate to the stereotype, probably more than I’d like to admit.

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Like my affinity for Audrey Hepburn.

Now, to be fair, I never saw Breakfast at Tiffany’s, but hey — I like a pair of oversized sunglasses and pearls like the best of ’em.

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But I was scrolling through my Facebook feed yesterday, and I came across a quote, alledgedly by Miss Hepburn:

It goes like this:

“To plant a garden is to believe in tomorrow.”

And for whatever reason, that idea really stuck with me throughout the day.

Maybe because I love flowers so much. Maybe because it was full of hope, but it succeeded in getting me thinking.

You see, gardens have a special spot in my heart. They’re meaningful. But not for what Audrey is musing about.

For me, they mean something more.

To plant a garden, and care for a garden, is to learn how to take care of a living thing.

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My recovery from anorexia has had its ups and down. I’ve been in recovery for eight years now, but there was a time, right after inpatient, that I relapsed. I am not proud of it, but it is part of my story.

Long story short, I had to move home after my first semester at college to get healthy and kick ED out of my life once and for all.

Well, during that time at home, I began to care for my mother’s garden.

I’ll be honest, it started out as just a coping mechanism after eating. Something to get my mind off of triggering thoughts, and to get outside, get some fresh air. Clear my head.

But it quickly began to be something more.

Day after day, I would go out and and water those flowers. Pick away the weeds, monitor their growth. I found joy in seeing the roses climb up the trellis and bloom. I was learning to care for these delicate and tender flowers as I was learning to care for myself.

I was blooming as they were blooming.

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Obviously, there is a hackneyed metaphor of God being the master gardener. Jesus is the Vine. We are the branches. God tends the vineyard.

We get it.

And it’s a cliche because it truly is a beautiful allegory.

But I’m not going to waste your time with that right now.

There is beauty in taking care of yourself.

Gardening teaches one patience.

Recovery was not an overnight phenomenon.

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I think today, we’re so used to instant gratification. We post an instagram photo and within the hour we get X number of likes. We order something on Amazon, and we can get it the following day. Cell phones, Facebook chat, FaceTime. Patience is a dying art.

Flowers take time to bloom. To expand and anchor their roots. Have the buds open up. Drink the water. Soak up the sun.

So too, do we.

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That time, tending my mother’s garden was a very special time in my life. I haven’t had a garden since. It was a one time deal. But the lessons I learned have stayed with me.

Yes, the garden would give me hope for the following day; bating my breath for the day when the pink would pop through the tight bud.

But it taught me the importance of gentleness. Gentleness with myself. With allowing myself to grow. To heal. To bloom.

And the thing about gardens is that they’re never finished. Seasons are constantly changing. What looks dead in the winter will find new life again in the spring. What a beautiful image of hope that is.

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Everyday, I’m still growing. Blooming. Each day, Jesus reveals something new in my spirit – reminding me of who I was, showing me His love for me, reminding me of His mercy.

Blooming is scary. But it is not impossible. Not with Him. Not with God.

The thing about gardens is that they’re not just for the gardener to enjoy, but everyone who passes by.

A garden makes an impact. Makes the world a brighter place. That is my deepest prayer – that maybe another person could find encouragement and hope in my garden. That the blooms could point to Him. Remind others of His goodness. Faithfulness. Mercy.

That is the power of a beautiful garden.

One that both you and I possess.

Audrey, yes. Gardens remind us of hope for tomorrow. But they also teach us about the importance of caring for yourself. And allowing yourself to bloom. Because when we do, the world becomes a brighter place. And the beauty of the One who created these flowers can be seen by all who encounter it.

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Thanks to those incredible people who support BBB on Patreon. You guys freaking rock my socks. Feel free to check it out!

 

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247 responses to “Find Me in the Garden ”

  2. I teared up a bit while reading this. Thank you for sharing your story with us. May it inspire others who struggle to get help and all of us to be kinder to ourselves and one another. God bless you!

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  5. I love this. You not only write well but your insight into how the “mundane” is actually holy. When I’m on my knees digging in dirt, I feel a deep connection to The Divine.

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    • And I just noticed my confusing sentence AFTER I hit post. Your gift of seeing the holy in the mundane speaks to me. *cringing inwardly at the awkward sentence especially after posting a rant on FB about illiterate goobers* 😳😳😳

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  6. I loved your post. I love to garden too and, like you, I find it therapeutic. Besides, as Keats told us, “A thing of beauty is a joy forever. . .”

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  8. I love this post . Reminds me of my time in hospital and day unit . To calm herself and to connect with nature my mother would be found in garden planting herbs tending to flowers and apple tree. She would always tell me to use fresh herbs from the garden. We cooked many healing meals together. We are growing each day indeed and our spirit becomes more beautiful and there’s a light. Thank you

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    • Thanks Maha, for sharing this. There’s something so calming and peaceful about being outdoor and cultivating delicate flowers. What beautiful memories you have in that garden. So happy for you. Hugs and love xox

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  9. “That time, tending my mother’s garden was a very special time in my life. I haven’t had a garden since. It was a one time deal.” I read this and I couldn’t help thinking that particular garden was a gift from God to help hear the quiet lessons you needed to grow stronger.

    May God bless you always. 🙂

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  11. If you keep this up, I may ask you to marry me someday (LOL). But in ALL seriousness, your post today reminds me of something that I often share with friends, family, colleagues, and even perfect strangers when the opportunity arises. Jesus’ visit to the garden (Gethsemane) demonstrates the power of quiet alone time with God and its benefit to our restoration and healing. God let me know that these garden moments are “spiritually therapeutic” and required (e.g. Sabbath). It’s vital that we have time with the Father alone…away from friends, family, etc. Notice that when Jesus went to this place of refuge, He excused himself from the company of His posse, the disciples. We, too, must break away in order to appreciate the beauty, the impact, and the power of the garden. I pray you will continue to have your garden moments. God BLESS you!!!!

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    • Hi Fredrick, hahah thank you so much for your kind words! And oh my gosh you’ve got me literally lol-ing on that opener! But wow you speak so much truth. Gethsemene was a powerful example of prayer and alone time – Jesus, our perfect example did that! Thanks for your uplifting comment. Hugs and love xox

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  14. What a beautiful post! Gardening might have been a one time thing for you so far, but I think you are still seeing all sorts of seeds here. I find so much beauty, life, encouragement, and hope here. Thank you for sharing this story and your wonderful reflections.

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  15. Oh my goodness! This is beyond beautiful! I love it so much. Thank you for writing this 😊

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  16. This is a beautiful post. Congrats to you on finding what makes you happy….I strongly advise getting a garden or a bunch of plants that you can tend to indoors!! I, too, love my garden. It seems that even in the worst of my health this past winter, when I was lamenting the possibility of not being able to work in it this spring and summer, Someone was listening. It seems to be thriving more so this year than in years past, and as you say, tending to living things is cathartic and gives you a purpose for focus and growth outside of yourself. My morning routine is to go and check on my garden when I first wake up…I’ll be thinking of you this summer! Bravo! (And get some potted plants or something!! If I knew where you lived, I’d drop off a plant for you! ) xoxo

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    • Aw, thank you so much! I think you’re right – I should just get even a little basil plant or something. Wow, what an awesome story – I think you’re onto something – i think someone was definitely listening. So glad that you’ve found the peace and cathartic power of gardening too. Hope your health is doing better. Will definitely keep you in my prayers. sending hugs and love xox

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      • A peace plant is easy to grown and maintain indoors…as is spider plants…I have a hibiscus that I received as a gift from a co-worker about 5 years ago. I bring it outside every summer, and it blooms beautifully. I bring it back inside in the winter, and just feed it Miracle Grow and keep it in a warm room / window. Lots of love and flowers to you! xoxo

  18. When Julie, the girls, and I visited Rome, we were surprised at the amount of gardening people do in the middle of the city. You could see all sorts of gardens on balconies, hanging out of windows, etc. Flowers, vines…just there to be appreciated.

    Just like you! 🙂

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    • Hey Jeffrey! Wow that is so cool to think about-urban gardening. It really is so awesome that people put in the effort to beautify their city, even if it is “just” a window box or flower pots-every little things makes a difference. And wow what a kind thing to say:) thank you! Hope your week is off to a great start! Hugs and love to you and Julie! xox

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  21. My first book is coming out in August. It’s called “Blooming Idiots,” and uses our families amateur attempts at gardening as the key to understanding our growth as caregivers to a kid with special needs. I am so touched reading your application of garden wisdom to your own life. There is beauty that emerges, but so much of it comes through trial and plenty of error. Keep growing! And may the patient master gardener keep giving do-overs and tending you when you feel fruitless (Luke 13:6-9).

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  25. Great post 🙂 Interestingly enough, during summer whenever anybody is in their backyard or enjoying an area with a lot of gardens, their is something that feels real spiritual about it and yet one can never figure out why, but is is a very beautiful feeling 🙂 Anyway, keep up the great work as always 🙂

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    • Hi John! Oh thank you so much:) I agree-there’s something that makes you feel so connected with God when you’re in nature. And something so powerful about cultivating life-is so healing. Thanks for stopping by! Hugs and love xox

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    • Steven Harrod Buhner shares in The Lost Language of Plants that plants actually adapt their chemistry to produce the substances necessary to heal wounded creatures. Like animals, they mourn with us when we suffer: just remember Jesus’ words when he entered Gethsemane – “I am filled with sorrow nigh unto death.” It was the Garden itself fearing his loss. The plant kingdom’s quiet, secret love is one of Creations great gifts to those that take the time to admire and tend the spirit of the world.

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      • Hi Brian,How interesting! I am always so blown away and filled with such awe and gratitude when I think about that scene in Gethsemane. Our Lord is incredible. What an example.

  28. You have totally beautiful tastes and will plant a totally beautiful garden which all in all contributes to you being a totally beautiful person!!

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  29. This is what I love about your writing, the tenderness of your words. That you let them breathe and grow. Not forceful like a gale, but more like the scent of a Spring on a gentle breeze.

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  30. Beautiful post. Thank you for sharing. It did have me pondering to myself, since I am horrible at gardening. You hit the nail on the head, though: patience. Perhaps I need to be more patient with myself. Give myself time to grow, time to heal, time to learn. Growing a garden could also compare to raising children; I need to be more patient with my children so they can grow and learn without being rushed. I get so hard on myself sometimes and this post was what I needed to hear this evening. 🙂

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    • Thank you so much! You’re right, patience is something that I definitely haiku to work on too. Because growing and healing and blooming takes time. Thanks for this beautiful reflection. Hugs and love to you xox

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  32. I feel the same way you do – “everyday I’m still growing”, but I was happy to be reminded about this, because I do tend to be harsh on myself often and don’t give myself enough credit for what I overcome every single day. So thank you 🙂 As always, I enjoy reading your posts.

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    • thank you so much for this reflection. You’re so right, we have to give ourselves some patience and time as we learn to bloom:) cheesy but true! thanks for stopping by! hugs and love xox

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  34. Hey, whenever I read your posts, I can feel how much you suffer and also how strong you are. Cheer up, my friend. God is with you. And the people who care about you.

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  37. We are trees planted by the living waters. Our roots run deep underground and are nourished but the source, the giver of life…beautiful story!

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  40. Hi there! Thank you for liking my post Round and Round.. No More! But even more, thank you for this timely read. Just what I needed! I used to do gardening too and I still love gardens. Wow, you know what, your life story really reminds me of patience and that means you’re a garden yourself! 🙂

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  41. Allowing myself grace, forgiveness and ‘healing’ time is one of my biggest problems in life. Thanks to you, BBB, it makes more sense now. 🙂 You’ve written such a beautiful post!

    By the way, I read your patreon page, and I think it’s a great idea what you’ve got going: a book would be so exciting! 😀

    You’re very blessed to have this blog and to be helping so many people with your writing! May God always be with you!!!!

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    • Hi friend, thank you for sharing this. I so feel you: it’s hard to give ourselves grace. But we can do it! 🙂 and thanks for checking out my Patreon page! You rock 🙂 Have a great day! hugs and love xox

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  44. I like how all your articles are so authentic and bold, testifying about how God has supported you! I hope many will come to appreciate God’s love for them as well through your blog.

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  46. This was powerful for me in so many ways. On one hand, I’m a gardener. Gardening has been my coping mechanism for anxiety and in many ways CPTSD. On another level, I grow food in hopes that it will help me with my own struggle with an eating disorder, and my challenges with gaining all the weight I have recently. At least if I grow the food, I’ll be more excited to eat it. And finally, I absolutely adore Audrey Hepburn. If you get a chance, you should totally watch Breakfast at Tiffany’s, and also, Sabrina, if you haven’t seen it yet. She is amazing.

    Also, if you ever feel you miss that garden and you want it back, but maybe don’t have the time, energy, or space, you might want to check out air plants. They’re really cool little plants, and they can make great reminders to take care of yourself that can be placed in every room of your house that gets light.

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    • Hi friend, thank you so much for this beautiful reflection. I’m so glad that gardening has been a useful tool in your healing. I’ll definitely add those to my netflix list! 🙂 And thanks for the suggestion – I’ll look into air plants! they sound really neat. Sending you the biggest hugs my friend. hang in there 🙂

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  48. A great post. I can see how watching a garden grow under one’s care can be encouraging and empowering. Glad it worked for you. I, on the other hand, ………have killed many plants under my care.

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  49. Simply beautiful. It reminds me of Isaiah 66:6-9, for some reason.
    “Listen to the loud noise coming from the city; hear the noise from the Temple. It is the Lord punishing his enemies, giving them the punishment they should have. 
    ‘A woman does not give birth before she feels the pain; she does not give birth to a son before the pain starts.  No one has ever heard of that happening; no one has ever seen that happen. In the same way no one ever saw a country begin in one day; no one has ever heard of a new nation beginning in one moment. just as soon as she feels the birth pains. *In the same way I will not cause pain without allowing something new to be born,’ says the Lord. ‘If I cause you the pain, I will not stop you from giving birth to your new nation,’ says your God.*”

    I pray that, just as Jesus has given you wisdom, and insight, about your past, that He would show and uncover the beauty of His Presence, with you, today.

    As my Jesus Calling devotional read, the other day, “I am the Way, the Truth, and the Life. As you follow Me (Jesus), I lead you along paths of newness: ways you have never imagined. Don’t worry about what is on the road up ahead. I want you to find your security in knowing Me, the One who died to set you free.”

    I pray that, just as you trusted His Path of newness then, you would, now. 🙂 May “You… go out in joy and be led forth in peace; the mountains and hills will burst into song before you, and all the trees of the field… clap their hands” (Isaiah 55:12)! ❤

    Glory be to Jesus, who leads us by those fields of green!

    With Love, in Christ,
    Annalee ❤

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    • Wow Annalee, this is so beautiful. Thank you passing this passage along. I live that: the path of newness. So true. His ways are good and good for us. Thanks for your lovely encouragement. Big hugs to you friend xox

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  50. This post really touched me a lot, I have been struggling with anorexia, especially this past year and a half. I have had to force myself to keep eating, especially now because I am pregnant and need to keep my baby healthy. Your words are inspiring. So thanks for sharing. 🙂

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    • Hi Heather, thank you for sharing this. I’m so glad it resonated with you. Know that I am cheering you on as you embrace life and health. Your child thanks you! That’s so incredible that you’re able to have children. That is such a gift. I hope that the damage I did to my body allows me to have have children one day. Hang in there warrior. I believe in you. Biggest hugs to you love xox

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  51. You’ve beautifully captured the feelings I have in my hectic, self-centred, arrogant life for my simple chilli and tomato plants. They are a mindful reminder for the requirement for patience and care. for Thank you BBB X

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  52. I started my garden the day before my dad had open heart surgery. He actually made me two planters for my birthday (which he finished the day before he went into the hospital with shortness of breath) and helped me pick out flowers. Gardening really helped me deal with his surgery and recovery. I can’t wait for him to come over and see how far it’s come since he’s been in the hospital.

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    • Thank you so much for sharing this. Wow, what a special place your garden holds in your heart. Your dad is going to be so touched to see the work you’ve put in:) Hugs and love xox

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      • very nice use of images to compliment your ideas. i usually use only 1 picture but this suggests that it is possible to do more without overwhelming the story.

      • Thank you! So glad you like my quote art images. They’re a bit of a labor of love to make, so I really appreciate the feedback! Hugs and love xox

  54. You liked my first article which drew my attention towards your page.
    I must say you write beautifully and it gave me an inspiration as to how to share ones feelings symbolically.
    Thank you. Keep coming with good ones. =)

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  55. So sweet. It reminds me of my mother’s garden. She worked us hard (as we use to put it) to keep it up and it turned out to be the most beautiful thing I’ve seen. The work was well worth it. People from miles around came out to our little country house to see the beauty of something that took time, patience and love to grow and it is one of the things that I will always remember that made my mother smile with love and pride. It was her masterpiece and she did something even better, she planted a rose for each of her 7 girls, all in different colors. I miss her so. Thank you for bringing up my precious memories.

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    • Hi there Corrie! Oh wow that’s so awesome. I wish I could have seen your garden. It sounds amazing. And how special are those roses. Your mother sounds like an incredible woman. ❤️ Thank you for sharing this. Sending you the biggest hugs xox

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  56. This is beautiful and very well written. The great thing about God is we are always a work in progress. He takes us from Glory to Glory. Keep trusting my friend and you will continue bloom and be all that God has called you to be:)

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  58. This post resonated with me because this year I planted flowers for the first time in several years! As my addiction worsened, I eventually stopped doing the healthy outlets I used to enjoy. Like you said, recovery is a process. It took me almost a year to finally get to a point of wanting to plant flowers again. I did not do it alone. I have found new life because of Him.

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    • Hi Everest! Thank you so much for sharing this. I’m glad it resonated with you. And I’m so glad you’re wanting to plant a garden again! Amen to that-He gives us new life! Praying for you friend. Stay strong warrior ❤️ Hugs and love xox

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  60. Jesus makes all the difference. When our trust is on Jesus we see life differently. It may really come to a time when we begin to have doubts… Yet we see reasons to keep trusting.

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    • Hi Teresa, thank you for sharing this. I’m glad it resonated with you. That is so true-we are always a work in progress. Thanks for stopping by this morning! Hugs and love xox

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  67. You are just to good, reading your that compensated by cool picture are too good,
    no wonder you have such a huge following.
    if you ever wish to make a guest post on my page, I would be honored
    I do not have as big WordPress following but over all I have over 9,000 followers
    might be good exposure for your talent

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    • Hi Alex, thank you so much for your kind words! That’s so awesome! Thank you for the offer. right now things are a little crazy, but once things settle down, I may be able to. So glad you stopped by! Hugs and love xox

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  69. I tried gardening. I try to be patient but this year the deer ate all of my hosta, which is the only plant I have had success in growing. How sad 🙁 But I will not give up! You have inspired me (again) to keep going. Thank you.

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  70. So much spiritual food from the garden in so many ways. I can be out of sorts when I walk out there and be ok by the time I walk back in the house! Good post points.

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  71. Really wonderful insight, thanks for this. I love the relationship you framed between being gentle with the self while growing. It is easy I find to forget to be self-compassionate.

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    • Hi friend, thank you for this beautiful comment. Yeah, showing compassion to ourselves is just as important as showing it to others. Thanks for stopping by! Hugs and love xox

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  73. Can’t stop thinking of that quote, “to plant a garden is to believe in tomorrow” it is such a testament to hope, and it’s something everyone does around here (I live in the country). You know, you are just as much a symbol of hope, and God is using your blog just as he uses the sun to nourish a garden. Your victory over anorexia shows everyone that there is hope, and that through God anything is possible and that in Him we find a peace that nothing in this world can shake. God bless you sister in Christ.

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    • Hi Riley! Thank you for this. Yeah it’s definitely a powerful quote. And wow, I am so touched by your kind words. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. God is good and I owe Him everything. So glad you stopped by! Hugs and love xox

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  75. You are such an amazing soul, God is using you in such a powerful way, you are touching so many lives including my own, I couldn’t even begin to imagine what you have gone through even when I stopped eating myself, I’m so blessed to read about your life and to have your as a sister in Christ <3 I would love to know your name and even meet you one day (hopefully before we meet in God's kingdom 😉 )
    God Bless You & Love you Sister <3
    Benjamin xx

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  76. That was beautiful. I’m learning that in true pain there must be something new that emerges because, to steal your metaphor, the original garden has been destroyed, the precious petals have been burned by the sun of reality and there must be something new planted. If not, our souls will forever remained damaged. Thanks for you post. It was a pleasure to read it.

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    • Thank you Joshua, for sharing this. You’re so right-there is definitely beauty that comes from pain. I’m sorry you’re going through something like that. Sending prayers and the biggest hugs to you friend. Hang in there ❤️

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  77. The message is clear as written and delivered softly enough that even an ‘odd duck’ such as myself is capable of seeing the hypocrite I’ve been. This is a good self discovery. No worries. It will be in a new post. Thank you so much!

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    • Thank you so much for sharing this. I’m glad it resonated with you. And aren’t we all a little bit of an odd duck when it comes right down to it? ☺️☺️☺️ Hugs and love xox

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  79. I love your honesty! You’re writing is beautiful! I think there’s another metaphor in here somewhere about pruning back the big and beautiful yet draining and unnecessary to reveal new life and growth…it seems scary at the time to cut back something growing so beautifully but it takes patience and trust to yield something even more amazing!

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  82. Love this! I so relate to planting, caring for, watching and pruning the things I’ve planted. It’s a great way to look at how we sees ourselves, how God sees us and believe that He is the Master Gardener!

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  83. I am a huge Audrey Hepburn fan. I have seen quite a bit of her movies. You must take a moment to watch “Breakfast at Tiffany’s” and “Roman Holiday.” That quote has always meant a lot to me. If you plant a garden, you must have hope for tomorrow, and that’s what it means to me. I always enjoy reading your posts, keep up the good work.

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  85. This was so absolutely beautiful to read😍 it’s so important to care for our bodies and it really does take patience and trusting the process in order to see a beautiful result❤️❤️

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  87. Dear B3. Reading this beautiful narrative struck a chord in me that is, I know, going to manifest into a project. My normal daily activity revolves around avoiding situations that might result in painful episodes that require stitches. I suppose that can be construed as caring for myself, but not in the way you so eloquently shared. Now I must go plant some flowers. Bless you.

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  88. I have had many gardens myself, for veggies and flowering plants.
    The one I nurture the most often has music, film and poetry.
    It gives me an endless supply of belly laughs, time to dream dreams, and inner growth.
    Thank you for sharing your experiences. They are inspiring.
    and Happy Birthday!
    (just a guess . . . you are a summer baby?)
    <3
    You are a gift!

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  91. I like your writing and how you include your faith in it.

    Perhaps one reason you liked gardening so much is it’s not about you. It was for your mother, it’s about faith, it’s about God’s love.

    I have the opposite problem you do. I weigh 300 pounds. It is fun to read your perspective. Keep writing.

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    • Thanks friend 🙂 I really appreciate you sharing your heart and your beautiful perspective. You’re right-gardening is about giving. Thanks for stopping by. Hugs and love xox

      Reply

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