Swiping for Love

Warning.

This is a post about my love life.

Or rather…lack there of.

You guys, I have a confession…I recently joined the dating app, Bumble.

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It was a moment of weakness. I was out with friends and my inhibitions were…how should I say…compromised. (Dang tequila…)

But my friends made a profile for me and…whatever. It’s honestly been kind of fun to just swipe through and see who’s out there.

But here’s the thing. Bumble is the dating app where women have to message first…in the first 24 hours, or the match goes away.

And if you’ve read even 5 words of my blog, I think you can probably infer that…..I hate that.

And you would be correct. I am literally as traditional as they come, so reaching out and messaging first goes against absolutely every fiber of my wannabe-June-Cleaver being.

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But I eventually worked up the courage to do so. At first, my friends had to take my phone and message for me. Then, they would just be there for moral support, and finally, I have recently been able to message first.

So we’d have a couple back and forth texts, but as soon as I would get asked out for coffee or drinks, I would always, just…ghost. I’d not respond. Hang up. Goodbye. Nice knowing ya.

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Because, honestly…dating is scary for me. Being in your twenties and being a virgin has a lot of, shall we say, complicated baggage to go along with it.

Sex is just something that isn’t even batted an eyelash at anymore. There’s the “three date rule” and nowadays, with the online hookup culture, that timeline has become even shorter.

No judgement here, it just isn’t on the table for me. I’m saving myself for my husband. Period. And I love that decision. But it just makes dating, well….slightly terrifying.

He’s going to dump me the second he can’t take me home. I’m going to be a waste of his time. He’s going think I’m a freak. He’s gonna think I’m a clinger. What am I going to say?

And honestly, I’ve been able to handle it with grace thus far. I’ve been able to communicate my decision, and the guys have been incredibly respectful. And stuck around.

Granted…I didn’t meet those guys on the internet…

But I digress. Back to Bumble.

There’s something about your mid twenties where things just all of a sudden get serious. It’s like overnight, everyone and their brother are getting engaged. Getting married. Announcing pregnancies. Buying houses. Becoming doctors. It’s like…there’s no more “when I grow up” mentality, because, news flash…you’re there, buddy. You’re living it.

I have always had a vision for my life. When I’d get married. When and how many kids I was going to have. You know…

And I’m rapidly approaching my “kill-me-if-I’m-not-married-by-then” age. As is…it’s two years away.

A little mental math here…one year engagement, at least one year of dating…

Anddddd cue the internal freak out.

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So just this afternoon, I was texting my friends in a group chat, and half joked that I was going to hand over my Bumble profile to my mom. Have her manage it. Set me up with a gentleman that she thinks would be good husband material and the right guy for me.

#motherknowsbest

And, of course, I was saying it mainly for the laugh. But I would by lying if I said I didn’t actually think about it seriously.

And as I was sitting in church today, my mind drifted back to that text message I sent.

And I realized…Holy crap, Caralyn. That’s actually what I’m supposed to do. 

Not hand over my dating life to my mother. But to my Father. My Heavenly Father.

Here I am, giving myself a hernia about time tables and cute opening lines, and which emoji I should use to communicate just the right amount of cute/sassyness without being desperate or overbearing.

I can just hand it all over.

Let Him control it.

Now, I’m not saying that God is going to control my Bumble profile. Come on, that’s lunacy. But I am going to be open to the men God brings into my life. I am going to be open to being vulnerable and putting myself out there.


And I’ve decided that my goal for September is to go on one date. Actually say yes to an invitation (maybe from Bumble, maybe not) and be emotionally open. And I’m counting on y’all to hold me accountable to that. 🙂

I shouldn’t be scared to date because I’m afraid of a couple raised eyebrows at my choice to  save myself until marriage. Clearly, the right guy will appreciate that, and I trust that God will bring that guy into my life.

I just have to hand it over.

Give Him the reins and as they say, fuh-gedduh-bout-it.

Anywho. That’s all for tonight. Thanks for being my personal relationship therapist.

Send me your invoice 😉



What’s one way you’re going to put yourself out there this month?

**MOM’S RESPONSE


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345 responses to “Swiping for Love”

  1. awesome article. My name is nick and I run the blog http://www.nickelsack.com

    In addition to being an art and music journalist, I’m a recovering drug addict and also a Drug Counselor in Texas for teenagers aged 14-17.

    Many of my adolescent clients deal with ED and I always refer them to your blog. Thanks for what you do.

    I also joined bumble. I found the dating app culture to be superficial, and shortly after deleted my account.

    On Mon, Sep 12, 2016 at 5:59 PM, BeautyBeyondBones wrote:

    > beautybeyondbones posted: “Warning. This is a post about my love life. Or > rather…lack there of. You guys, I have a confession…I recently joined > the dating app, Bumble. It was a moment of weakness. I was out with friends > and my inhibitions were…how should I say…comprom” >

    Reply

  2. A way I’m putting myself out this month is going to be making friends at university. I’m going to force myself to be social and get to know people which is on a way lower level than what you’re doing but probably equally as mortifying. At any rate, I wanted to tell you that any guy who doesn’t respect your decision to save your virginity isn’t worth a minute of your time. I may not have any experience with romantic relationships but I have experience with respect and it goes both ways. That’s all! Good luck!

    Reply

  3. My background is dramatically different from yours, but we share (a) not dating at present, and (b) fairly afraid of it. As a male, Bumble sounds wonderful to me. Making the first move scares me even more than it does most men. We also share (c) turning it over to a Higher Power. My efforts to run my own life without Greater Power help varied from comical to tragic, but never approached success. Your God will show you the next thing you need to do, one thing at at a time, over and over. That’s all either of us needs to know.

    Reply

    • As I have read the comments, I have noticed I didn’t really cover some of the ideas people have, and some of them are important.

      First, please don’t let some men tell you how all men are only focused on lust and/or manipulation. Some are. So are some women. (I’ve dated a few of them. I’m 59 years old and it’s part of life.) That’s not everyone in any group or setting. They exist, but they probably are not a majority. Many more are simply not the person the searcher seeks, but a reasonable level of openness and the ability to notice important things being hidden will resolve those issues.

      My one online dating experience is best summed up as, “I really knew better, but I wanted to see what happened.” I see it as several relatively painless lessons combined in one relationship.

      However, be careful. I have an online friend who has been sensible and practical her entire life. She found a religion she dedicates herself to. When she found a man through a dating site based on that religion, he said absolutely every religious, spiritual, and devotional thing she ever wanted to hear, and he told a good story about his life. She had already sold her house in order to have flexibility in her situation, and she moved to another state and married that man in the church and legally. She was deliriously happy until he stole every cent of her money and kicked her out of the house. She is disabled. The legal sanctions of marriage have made it impossible for her to do anything about her money, and she lives in deep poverty today, eight or ten years down the road. Obviously, hers is not the only experience of online dating based on religion, but this is a cautionary tale. When you are in touch with strangers, listen carefully to the quiet inner voice of your God telling you who you are “really” talking to, and don’t let professions of religion, even beautiful ones, be your sole concern.

      Beyond that, be careful about arguing with your God. If this is the time you meet a man you can spend your life loving, that’s great and you probably can’t avoid it except deliberately. If not, not. I also disagree with people who believe they can and should meet, love, and marry exactly one person on a planet with seven billion people and counting. I once believed that and it only led to perfectionism and constant disappointment.

      Take a chance or two in the understanding that God will bring you through whatever you are supposed to do and learn. My friend whose lifestyle was destroyed by a person has not lost her faith. It has carried her through all her adventures. Yours can carry you through love, marriage, and whatever follows or it can carry you through whatever awaits. Blessed be.

      Reply

      • Oh my gosh that is just awful what happened to your friend! I am so sorry to hear that. Yeah there can be slimeballs online for sure. I’m just so sorry that she fell prey to one. You’re right-always have to listen to that small voice. Xoxoxo

  4. This might come as a real shocker, but there really are men out there ~ more than you might suspect ~ who really are looking for a beautiful young woman of upstanding character and integrity, who is saving herself for marriage. God bless you for your commitment, and have an awesome date this month! I’m sure you will! 🙂

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  5. I have a friend with 9 children. So far, each one has married a virgin (guys and gals). In fact, it was a criterion for his children. They each are looking for another Catholic who has the same commitment to their faith, and this is one area that they think is crucial for them. At times, my friend did not think there were five guys and four gals out there. (As of today, four of his daughters and two of his sons are married. A few are just finishing college.)

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  6. Just the tiniest quibble… Although we have much in common with cattle and other grazing creatures, we do like to think of ourselves as “who’s out there, rather than “what’s out there.” Not me, mind you, but the general population of male suitors. I passed my “sell by” date some decades ago….

    Reply

  7. This is a fantastic read. I honestly love your conversational tone.

    Wishing you the best of luck on your quest for love. I’m sure it will find you when you least expect it.

    Eli

    Reply

  8. Awesome post. I love how you’re learning to be more open and yourself. I’m trying to be more open with my wife, and just people in general. And even more open in my blog! Talk about scary!

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  9. If anything, I’d think the GUY would be a little intimidated of YOU because you’re the popular blogger. 😉 Not that I’d expect you to post his life story in here after a succcessful first date or anything, but still. 🙂

    Oh, how I pray that Christians who maintain their purity would take joy in their conviction. Never see this as a liability. Men who don’t respect your convictions are not worth your time and are not any kind of verdict on you. I know it’s nerve-wracking. But I pray God will raise your chin today and give you boldness.

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  10. And you make this announcement a third of the way through the month 😀 Which means you have only 18 days to say yes….
    No pressure! None. At. All.
    Gee….and I’m way away in Maryland…LOL! (and was working on my blog as you were doing yours!)

    Seriously, I would commend you on being open. That’s the tough part. Don’t worry about whether it happens this month, or next. The big goal is to be O P E N to the opportunity, the possibility, the nudging of the Spirit.
    And to not be discouraged if it takes a wee bit longer than you want.

    And if you think the market for twenty-something virgins is small, it yuuuge compared to the market for older, divorced, nerdy engineers!!

    Good luck sister!
    Hugs xox

    Reply

    • Hahah I know I realized that as I was rereading that…I was like…it’s September 12! Shoot! Hahah I know…yikes! Thanks for your encouragement. You’re right-being open is the big thing. And listening for the spirit. Thanks for being you:) big hugs xox

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  12. I wonder if your anxiety about people understanding your decision is keeping you from seeing the opportunity in this situation. If you totally own your decision and are confident about it, I bet a lot of men would be in awe of you, and might even seriously reconsider their own decisions in life. Maybe God is sending you on a mission here.

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  13. That was a very inspiring post. I like you have decided to save my virginity for the man I choose to spend the rest of mu life with. When I first made that choice I was afraid because I got back a lot of criticism from my friends at the time. I’m only 21 and it has been something on my mind because a lot of the men I would talk to would be turned off by the fact that I was not looking for a sexual relationship. However your post really gave me that little boost of courage to stick to my decision. Thank you!!!!

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    • Hi friend, thank you so much for sharing this 🙂 I’m so glad that it resonated with you 🙂 Yes! be proud, my friend…you’re amazing! and the right guy is going to appreciate and celebrate your decision 🙂 hugs xox

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  14. “There’s something about your mid twenties where things just all of a sudden get serious. It’s like overnight, everyone and their brother are getting engaged. Getting married. Announcing pregnancies. Buying houses. ” I totally get how that feels.

    Some of the girls I knew when I was a kid suddenly are all married and have like a whole flotilla of kids of their own. Which is just weird to me. Especially since I don’t particularly feel that old. 🙂

    May God guide the right guy your way. 😀

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  16. I LOVED this post! It reminded me of my many journeys to “find love” on my timetable. For years, I “said” I was ok with my singleness with one eye on the sky like, “see, God, I’m ready for love!” But it wasn’t until I was really and truly ok with being single. On Valentine’s day in 2007, God finally granted me acceptance. I journaled “Help me to embrace my singleness and where you are leading my life right now. I know you have my best in mind. You are so good to me!” It was the first time in my life I could truly admit I was ok with being single. I was also at a point in my life where I was done with guys liking me at first and then when I was truly myself, they’d be all “oh, that’s who you really are? Ummmm, excuse me, gotta run.” Two days later, I met a guy and decided I would be myself. I held nothing back. I was me. My attitude was “if he doesn’t like who I am, better to get it out of the way now.” Turns out, that was the one God had for me. Two crazy years later, I married that guy (which the story of how we met was crazy in and of itself). So, all this to say, God is a MUCH better love story writer than we are. So, be you, the right guy will like you for you. 🙂 Good luck!

    p.s. As for putting myself out there this month, I guess it would be sharing my book (a devotional for Christian business owners) with another early reader! I have 3 readers now, but I think I’ll share it with someone else!

    Reply

    • Hi friend, thank you for this. You’re so right! God IS the best love story writer:) I appreciate the encouragement! And that’s awesome! So exciting! Congrats on your book! Hugs and love xox

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  18. God Bless you!! Sending many hugs. I did exactly what you have done. The difference is, I had to do it in the age before there was such instant dating inquiry. Back then it was “personals” or what, and they seemed creepy too. I just put it in God’s hands and came out for the better. You will too. You are beautiful, intelligent, and a gift. You will be given that love that you seek I have no doubt. xoxoxo

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  21. What a great and relatable post. I think we all struggle in one aspect or another to be vulnerable. People see it as being weak but it takes so much courage and faith to be vulnerable. Praying that God brings the right person into your life <3

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  22. I must say wow, I would not have thought that you were a virgin. Not that you talk in a manner that suggests otherwise and I know you have been through a lot and sometimes that has us stay away and sheltered while helping ourselves and sometimes the opposite. I would have thought to be a bit more talkative to you when i was in NY and would have wished to find out more about you that is not something to do on WP. I am the opposite of you but people would not know it as i do not advertise it and I guess I hide it as far as my experience goes. As far as you saving yourself for a husband, good for you and I would guess many a man would want to change your mind about it. If they cared and had experience they would not be needy to be the one. I know you will find someone and your blog has become more aggressive and telling and I think that will have you finding more of a pool to choose from. I believe in you and think you will get what type of man that you deserve.:)

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  24. I love your attitude and you’re right, the right man will be more than happy with your choice to wait. I didn’t meet my man until I was 30 and that was after a failed engagement. I had an age I thought I would be married by (28) and I did the same calculating in my head. Turns out my life is pretty damn fabulous even if it didn’t quite work out the way I “planned”.

    I hope you have come fabulous dates (and a couple of crappy ones too to help you appreciate the awesome ones). I look forward to reading about them.

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      • Trust me I did it all, the calculating if we meet, then date for this long then I’m going to be this old before we even start thinking about kids….We’ve been together now 9 years, 2 kids, ok so I kind of skipped the marriage step but that worked for us. I was on dating sites when I met him (plenty of entertaining stories there!!!) but we met completely by random in an airport when we were both travelling home from holidays. A completely off hand comment by him led to one thing then another. It would have been so easy for us to miss that connection but we didn’t because obviously it was meant to be. Hugs. I know it can be tough at times. Enjoy the clean house and the peace and quiet before the kids come along!!!

      • Oh my gosh that sounds like the plot of a great movie! Meeting in an airport 😍😍❤️❤️ I totally believe that-everything happens for a reason! Hugs and love xox

  26. Lovely, heartfelt post, as always. 😊

    Out of curiosity, is there some kind of Catholic equivalent to JDate? If there’s some Catholic seeking Catholic site, it might be easier to find someone who shares your values than on a general meet up/dating site. (Not to imply that all Catholics have identical values, but you know what I mean.)

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  27. Abba, your Heavenly Father, will send you the Perfect Partner. A wild loving and trustworthy gentleman who Loves you with the heavenly fire of Jesus and who sees in you a divine princess 😉 He will love you in infinite ways.

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      • You will get some signs, if someone is the right person, a certain fragcrance comes with it, a presence of light and intuitive knowing, filled with wonder and the hot scent and unspeakable attraction of pure godly love, just as if he is only, only, only created for you and you exactly for him, not to make you whole (because you are already whole) but as a addition and overflowing blessing and abundance.

        You will experience a heavenly atmosphere every time you meet him and talk with him, because the angels will celebrate your intimate togetherness. you will experience „the length and width and height and depth of the Love of Christ“ (Ephesians 3:18) through him. Believe me, you are so enourmosly adorable 🙂

        Blessings to you,
        Mark

      • Hey Mark! A certain fragrance-I like that:) seriously though-wow. That is so beautiful to think about that celebration when I meet him. This has seriously touched my soul tonight. Ok for real now I’m going to check out that website! Haha xox

      • It is really funny, because I have seen your blog – and profile image – again and again on other blogs (for months, believe it or not! :D). I really thought: „Whats going on here? Who is this girl? Maybe Jesus wants that I contact her, talk with her and deliver her a message“ – I really experienced a strong impulse to say something to you (without a clue what to say!) and now I am here and have touched your heart 🙂
        Maybe this is the message that I should give you?

        May you have a good night!

        Mark

  28. Don’t you just love it when your Mom is always right!! haha Mine is the same way! But literally preach it girl!! We gotta let God work for us and bring the man He is preparing for us. I will keep you in my prayers! <3

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  29. Still shocked you need to join the site. You have talent. You are very attractive. and seam pretty centered. Some people don’t know a good thing when they see it and you a good thing.

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  31. I think it’s great that you’re putting yourself out there and yet allowing God to lead. And kudos to you to saving yourself. While it sounds strange, I actually know a few women in their 30s who are saving themselves for marriage – and they are successful, attractive ladies! They are just willing to wait on the right guy God has in store for them. Thanks for sharing your story.

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  32. I understand how you feel. I’ve tried the online dating and I rejected soooooo many guys and the few I did interact with only wanted sex in the end…but it was an experience. Every once in a while I think about going back…but I’m wanting the real deal, old school, go on dates, truly get to know each experience with that one man who is just for me. I’m trusting and believing in the Lord for that.

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  33. Your post affected me quite a bit, Cara. Not that I’m in my mid-twenties now (I’m actually 64!). But I am, like you, trying online dating—AGAIN–to see if anyone possible shows up. And also like you, I am trying to remember to know in a real way that the whole situation is in God’s hands. God will take care of it for me, although I do need to show up first! Enjoy the possibilities that are unfolding before you… 🙂

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  34. Enveloping him in a regal embrace of trust and balance, that brother of mine out there, whose soul is already in alignment with the Divine Plan.
    Caralyn my precious friend, I have great confidence in you. Be the fearlessly loving Lioness that you are, and God knows all is well.

    <3 Leon

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  35. So refreshed to read this. Vulnerability is step one to our walk with God, and it is no surprise that it is also step one for our relationships. I have been single,pure, and miraculously content for 25 years (doubtful seasons included, I am human). I am inspired to write more about this! It seems as if many have lost hope in this area and even more don’t even realize what a blessing it is to have God handle it.
    A couple promises for you to claim:
    Psa 84:11 For the LORD God is a sun and shield: the LORD will give grace and glory: no good thing will he withhold from them that walk uprightly.
    Pro 18:22 Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the LORD.

    I think God keeps His promises, so don’t worry. oh and just replace wife with husband haha

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    • Hey Chad! Aw thank you so much:) I’m glad you enjoyed it. You’re right-vulnerability is the key to a lot of things. I would love to read what you have to say! 🙂 those are awesome verses – thanks for passing them along:) Hugs and love xox

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  36. Meanwhile in Canada it’s 12:05 am. Paul did say it’s better to be single. I know you love the Lord this is evident in writing. I have been there Where You Are. I am now 30 something I’m not getting married seem very appealing to me because I wouldn’t want to make the wrong decision I would rather be married to the work of Jesus then anything else. You have to understand that as a person you can’t go by what you see others doing don’t compare what you don’t have to others. because what they don’t have is what you have. I deal with it everyday the should I shouldn’t I look for my Eve. To me these days it makes no difference. The only reason I would get married is based on the fact that it is God’s will for my life. Right now I’m perfectly content just serving the lord 31 I never thought I would be that way. if I do end up getting married she better have a heart to work for the Lord. I will say this about you you’re quite the catch if only you were Canadian😋

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    • Oh wow! Hey my Canadian friend:) you’re so right-comparison only leads to heartache. I’m glad you’re content:) that’s awesome. Hahha oh my gosh you’re sweet – and made me laugh! Hugs and love xox

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    • Thanks Mikey! I really appreciate it 🙂 haha, yes….I mean, I’m not a heavy drinker or anything. I only go out with my friends on the weekend, and then it’s only 2 drinks max. Nothing crazy. But yes…tequila is my drink of choice 🙂 hehe Thanks for the prayers! hugs xox

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  38. I am literally laughing out loud with mouth agape. I just did the same exact thing. But it was Match.com. Have been talking to a really nice guy, but doing my usual nervous back and forth in my mind. We already had the talk about no sex, and it went really great! I think men honor it more than we realize. Here’s the best part… I was in my car praying literally moments ago surrendering this to Jesus and asking for Him to help me know the right direction. All I keep hearing Him say is “Trust me”. So, I open your blog post and here we are. Everything you just shared, including the picture about doing things you are afraid of, was like a direct answer to my heart. God is so crazy amazing ❤️ I will be praying for you Beauty. Let go and trust ❤️ He will not let you down.

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    • Thank you so much! Haha oh good! In so glad it made you laugh and resonated with you:) that’s awesome! I hope things work out Between you two. Wow-God work in mysterious ways…even through the blogosphere! Haha SO crazy amazing. Thanks for the prayers. Know you’re in mine too:) Hugs and love xox

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  39. Hey you, you can’t rush love and great plans often go out of the window to create even better ones.

    You’re without doubt a beautiful lady and when the right man, your right man presents himself he’ll be extremely lucky to not only call you his girlfriend one day but will be extremely lucky to call you his wife.

    Just live your life on your gut instinct and not on dates and timetables.

    For me I’m 37, yeah, yeah I know I don’t look it 😊

    A question I get all too often is am I married, been married, got children or am I seeing anyone, and right now that is a no on them all.

    But be happy in yourself and everything else will line up around you.

    Fate will always present opportunities, it’s just a question at each time on whether you wish to take a chance or not.

    No one knows you better than yourself, so trust and back yourself that the decisions you make good and bad are the right ones for you.

    In regards to your love life take your time, love conquers all.

    Good luck, be safe and I’ll look forward to reading more on your dating adventures.

    Again your Mr Right, and your Mr Wrongs will be extremely lucky to spend any time in your company, you have loads to offer, very honest, very humble, very you. 😊

    Kind Regards as always,

    Andrew

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  40. I love the way you have so truly expressed yourself and the issues which you have been facing with the dating apps and games. i was never into all this too. It simply isn’t working for me too but the golden questions till remains. How do I find myself a girl? I have no answer to this as of now but i sure would have the same in the times to come. Thank you for the lovely post. Keep them coming, always. Thank you for enjoying my post too. Enjoy the day.
    P.S: i love your cover photo. 🙂

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  42. Yesss girl, your mom is so spot on with her response to! You will be so thankful you saved yourself for marriage. I did it myself and I do not regret it for a single second. I admire you so much and I hope you know that God’s timing often looks soooooo different than our own, but it is usually for something so much greater than we can fathom. I’m excited to see where this roller coaster takes you. Plus you are such a catch- so no worries in that realm <3 MWAH!

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    • Thank you so much Mack! Yeah my mom is pretty special. I appreciate you sharing that. It’s nice to know I’m not alone in that:)?haha yes! It’s so different! Sending big big hugs xox

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  44. FWIW: I met my husband online 16 years ago, we’ll be married 14 years this month. I, too, had my friends encouraging me to create a profile, go on a few dates. I did. It was weird, fun, and I met my soul mate. My mother prayed a lot for me — I prayed a lot — and it’s all still working out 😉 Good luck, meet in public places, and just have fun with it 😉

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  45. Your Mom is right, don’t put any pressure on yourself, don’t make dating about searching for a husband think of it more as looking for friends, someone you enjoy to hang out with because eventually, you WILL marry your best friend!
    And don’t worry about your age, giving yourself timelines just adds stress, I’m 4 years past my age I “needed” to be married by and I’d planned to have 3 children by now…God has different plans. I read a quote somewhere that said …we make plans for our life and God just laughs!
    It’s so true as much as we plan it is out of our control!

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  48. Just go for it. Find a guy, swipe him, send him a message. If it doesn’t work out, it wasn’t meant to be. Life isn’t easy, or it wouldn’t be worth living in the first place. The right guy will just accept you for what you are, the wrong guys won’t.

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    • Oh my gosh this is such a great perspective! Thank you! You’re right-I won’t be able to miss him because it’s going to work out how it’s supposed to! Phew! Thanks for stopping by! Hugs and love xox

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  49. Dear Caralyn – What most men today don’t understand about women is that women are raised as social creatures first. By that I mean you like talking to people, socializing with people in a non-threatening atmosphere and generally just getting to know people FIRST. Men on the other hand, it’s all about being carnal and what feels good. The concept of being social is foreign to men and at a young age only something that “sissies” get involved with. If a man can’t conquer a woman and then place her on his trophy wall then he doesn’t consider himself a man. As a man I can say this because “I’ve been there, done that and got the T-shirt.”

    If you were my daughter, which by the way I am old enough to be your father, I would advise you in the following way. First, have a deep, abiding relationship with the Lord. Second, follow the promptings of the Holy Spirit. Third, move away from the dating sites because as most people have said, the underlying intention of the parties involved is most likely to have sex. Finally, put the thought of finding a man (future husband) out of your mind and focus on living a life that is pleasing to the Lord.

    Last but not least is the reason you are going out on a date is to get to know each other and spend some time together. Why not start out going on a date during the day time only. If the man suggests going to a movie, then perhaps you could suggest an early afternoon showing. Or if they suggest dinner, be bold and counter that you would prefer to go out to lunch or brunch in the beginning. There’s something about going on a date during the day time that somehow eliminates or minimizes the thinking about “going back to his place” after the date.

    In the end, unsolicited advice such as mine can be handled in many different ways. I believe you are an intelligent woman with a lot to offer a man. Don’t compromise your principles in order to be liked or accepted. As all the other posts have said here, God will bring the right man into your life at the right time. You just need to be sensitive to God’s leading and abiding in Him daily. God bless you.

    Reply

    • Wow Russ. Thank you for this incredible comment. SO. Much. Wisdom. Here! Seriously, this was exactly what I needed to read this morning. And that’s great advice about a day date. Takes the pressure off. And you’re right-living for the Lord is the answer-for when I’m doing that, everything will fall into place. Thanks again friend. Hugs and love xox

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  50. Hi Caralyn!
    If it makes you feel any better, I can confirm that a lot of people – even if they don’t seem to show it – will have a lot of respect for you in saving yourself. You have a lot of inner strength, and that is deeply admired!
    You are so right in handing everything over to the Father! He always has perfect timing for His plans for us. 🙂 (I know I always need a reminder of that ;))

    Have fun with the dating app! I have faith in you putting yourself out there. 😀

    Reply

    • Thank you so much, my friend. Amen to that- God’s timing: usually a lot different than our own, and yet totally perfect and what He intends for good. Thanks again for the encouragement. Hugs and love xox

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  51. I think you have the right idea, let God bring a good Godly Christian man I to your life and create a good Godly relationship built on him. He’ll bring you a man that loves and cherishes you and all your decisions, choices and your past.
    I used to worry I would never find someone and be alone. But when I stopped trying to handle it myself he brought the most amazing woman into my life and she is now my wife and we are awaiting the birth of our Son. But I wouldn’t have gotten there without God.

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  53. Bravo for you! I appreciate you standing firm in your convictions and beliefs. It pays off and YES there is a great guy out there waiting for you who will appreciate that decision and YES God can completely orchestrate your meeting him. I have never regretted my decision to remain a virgin until after marriage and it is something my husband has truly respected and appreciated. Stay true to yourself. I know it’s hard to go against the cultural stream but you’ll be glad you did.

    Sent from my iPhone

    >

    Reply

    • Thank you so much Darla! What kind words:) I really appreciate your encouragement this morning. It’s nice to know I’m not alone:) what a beautiful love story you and your husband have:) thanks for sharing that. Hugs and love xox

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  54. I think it’s important to remember your goal isn’t to impress every guy you meet. If you are being true to yourself and your beliefs, then the guy who is impressed (choose your adjective) is most likely a good fit for you. I wish you all the best with your search. Btw, any reason you didn’t choose a Christian dating site to join? It sounds like that might be the “pool you want to be fishing from.”

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  56. You crack me up. It’s so funny, because we are in the same boat. I’ve entered into my late twenties (ugh,that left a bad taste in my mouth) & I’m hanging on to my V-card until marriage too. I used to get all worked up about when I’m going to find someone and get married, but these days I’m on chill mode in that department. I haven’t tried any dating apps, but I’ve met people and itjust never seems to work out. There’s this quote that I love:

    “A woman’s heart should be so hidden in God that a man has to seek Him just to find her.”
    Max Lucado

    Joe schmo is not going to cut it. It’s hard to find some one who is truly seeking God and is not just spiritual (because I’m still trying to figure out what that even means😒).Someone who will complement your journey and explorations in God. Girl, I think we both know that that it’s no easy task finding that kind of person. You’re right to give it up to God and trust that there is someone He is molding exclusively for you. And I’m probably weird for this, but I pray for my nonexistent husband. I pray that Good will mold me to also be the type of woman that He needs.

    I’m blabbering again, but that’s my advice☺

    Reply

    • Aw thanks celestial! Glad it made you laugh! Chill mode-I like that. I’m gonna try to do that too👍😎😎😎 oh my gosh that’s not weird at all! I pray for my future husband too!! Aww this whole comment has just made my morning:) you’re awesome, girl. Thanks for everything! Hugs and love xox

      Reply

    • Great words, Celestial! My wife and I love Max Lucado and that’s a terrific quote. ☺ We’ve prayed for years for our four daughters’ future husbands and, now that they are all married to wonderful Christian guys, we’re praying for spouses for our six grandchildren. So it doesn’t sound a bit weird that you’re praying for your future husband. ☺ It’s the best thing you could do along with becoming the woman God created you to be and sticking close to Jesus. When he’s the love of your life, I have the sense that the rest will work out too! (See my post from yesterday on The love of my life)

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      • Thanks for the encouragement Stephen. I really appreciate it. I have many married friends and I have a clearer comprehension of how challenging it can be. So, I am patient. I only want what God has for me☺

  59. You’re not alone–I’m still searching as well and I’m 27 haha. But seriously though, I do not like the idea of the woman having to message first. This is kind of a rant and it’s in part to my upbringing. But I firmly believe that men should have to work hard to get that girl they want to spend the rest of their life with. Committment and hard work are something that the majority of fathers are not teaching their sons today. Christ calls for husbands to lay down their lives for their wives. To give up everything for them. But men are content to just sit back and let the women to do all the work in the relationship. I don’t know you, but here’s a bit of advice 🙂 Don’t settle and definitely make the guy work to be with you. If he truly wants to bewith you, he will put in the work. You are a great girl and God definitely has a perfect guy for you. The fact that you are protecting yourself and your virtue is a hardfound quality and is EXTREMELY ADMIRABLE. Praying for you as always.

    ~Tom

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  60. I love your mom’s comment. 🙂
    And this post reminds me of a point I came to last week.
    As I was walking with Jesus and telling Him about my struggles and how I desperately need His wisdom, I realized that I was finally surrendering everything to Him: my fears, anxieties, hopes, and dreams. And His reply was so sweet: “I’ve got this. I’ve got you.”
    What a relief it was to hear those comforting words! I’ve always known that God is in control, but head knowledge is different than heart knowledge, and faith in Christ (heart knowledge) is where powerful action and a fruitful life springs from.
    I look forward to reading more about what God teaches you through this next step in your walk with Him.

    Reply

    • Thanks Sarah Jo, yeah my mom is pretty amazing:) what an awesome moment. So glad you had that experience. And so true:he does have us in the palm of His hand:) thanks for sharing, friend! Hugs and love xox

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  61. BBB, I don’t think God injected you with so much awesome without intending to keep it included in the gene pool. It’s frustratingly true I know, God’s timing on these things is not often what we expected, and He likes to play these things close to the vest (also frustrating). Living by faith and not by sight is not as easy as it sounds. But you are right to give it to Him. Trust me, He won’t disappoint. Thanks for being so transparent and honest about this. It is very common, and people need to know they are not alone struggling with being single. As for what I am doing to put myself out there this month? Well it won’t be for women, God took care of that 25 years ago by giving me the best woman ever! But I did just self publish a new book, Special Graces in Common Places, which I edited myself… for that reason alone, that is plenty of scary for me. Lol!

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  62. Dear Caralyn:

    This is a “telling my truth in love” moment. There’s that line in Genesis: “It is not good for the man to be alone. Let us give him a helpmate suitable to him.” So, with that in mind, go and read the description of the New Jerusalem in Revelation. The Tree of Life is a “her,” and her leaves are for “the healing of nations.”

    You’ve got a great, big, huge heart that has been refined and strengthened by your struggles. I think that you’ll find your man when you find a cause big enough to occupy it.

    Brian

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  63. “No judgement here, it just isn’t on the table for me. I’m saving myself for my husband. Period. And I love that decision.”

    You are my hero! 🙂 If I were your father I would be SO darn proud of you. Hey, I AM so proud of you! Funny story, my 20-something niece went on an online dating thing just as a dare after making fun of her younger sister for doing so. She was convinced they didn’t work. Well, wouldn’t you know it, she found the love of her life (from England, no less) in a matter of days! They got to know each other better, travelling back and forth for several months. I performed the wedding ceremony for them last fall. So, you might say the joke was happily on her! I pray you find the same happiness. He’s out there somewhere, and whoever that is will be one truly blessed individual! 🙂

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    • Oh my gosh Mel, THANK YOU! What incredibly kind words. I really appreciate it. Wow what a fun story! Love really can happen online! That gives me hope:) haha thanks for the encouragement! Hugs and love xox

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  64. This is so great!! Ahh dating as a Christian on the purity path has to be the most difficult thing ever, but I love that you’re just handing it over to God and aiming to enjoy the ride because He really will protect you as long as you’re holding to His Word. All the best 🙂 <3

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      • You’re welcome, and thank you! Especially for writing about how you live the faith and doing so in such a relatable manner. I tend to write about crush obsessions in a lighthearted manner and not bring up the whole: I’m striving to love my brothers and sisters in Christ the best way possible and above all focus on God, and through him to love them better, thing. Also, dates can be fun! I mean, that is not why we date, but just being open to friendships and spending time with people who want to spend time with you seems like a good idea. I just don’t suggest dating apps…with their tendency to allow others to be seen as, and to make yourself appear as, a product of someone’s hopes for a future spouse/love interest. …You know this though! ANYWHO, keep it up! Young single Christians (I think you’re catholic too, yea?) aiming to live a chaste life with pure love in mind- UNITE!!!!!! (I just had coffee and am feeling pumped, forgive me).

  68. My wife and I met online. Online dating was the scariest 30 days of my life! Talk about social pressure! Anyway, we dated for over a year before our wedding and she was a virgin at 35 years old when we wed. Dating is great fun when you can simply enjoy companionship. There is an amazing man out there for you. Keep God in the loop and you’ll find him.

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  69. There’s three people in a relationship and God is smack dab in the center. The glue that holds it all together. I’m so glad you’ve chosen to wait for the man He has already chosen for you. God’s timing and plan are perfect. Hold on to His Word.

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  70. I feel like in a weird way, we were sisters from different misters…and mothers. 😉 I’m 28, virgin waiting for marriage and I found myself having thoughts similar to yours. With me though, God has already told me when I’m supposed to meet him…sometime this year…and honestly it terrifies me when I start thinking about it. I find myself going between, “I can’t wait til I can say I have a boo-thang!” and “NOOOO–I’m not ready!” (in my best Kevin Hart voice.) I don’t know…I’m still scared and I’m super nervous even now after mentioning all that. Still, it’s good to know I’m not in the boat by myself. Very well written as always–I love your humor! Always cracks me up! Continue to be brave and trust God–He won’t set you up with a disaster. 🙂 Take care sis!

    Reply

    • Aw thank you so much friend! 🙂 you’re so sweet. Haha oh Kevin Hart 😍😂 he always cracks me up. But you’re right-we’ve just gotta give it to Him! Hugs to you, sistah😘😘😘

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  71. This post is so true and relatable!! I’ve started to give online a try, some of the people out there just shock me. Our society is so odd. Like you, I think a guy should make the first move. It is very annoying at times. I understand what you mean about baggage, being physically disabled turns most guys of. But just gotta give it to God..

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    • Aw thanks Elizabeth:) haha I know! Our society is SO odd! But then I guess you could also say that about me 😂😂😂 But you’re right-we ALL have baggage of one kind or another, but none of it is too big for God. He will take it all. One of my favorite sayings that my mom says is that “there’s a lid for every pot” 🙂 Definitely gives me hope 🙂 sending massive hugs to ya girl xox

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  72. God it’s been 15 years since I’ve been single, but I remember feeling much like you in my 20s. I too came from a traditional home and found dating tough. But I made the mistake of just dating guys for the sake of dating and I do regret that. Yet, maybe I wouldn’t appreciate my husband so much if I hadn’t made those mistakes. So my advice is date. Have fun. You will make a few mistakes and probably have a few regrets, but eventually your path will lead you to your Mr. Right. And then it isn’t all perfection after that. Marriage is always evolving. It’s life with ups and downs, but with commitment and love you will conquer all. Best wishes!

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    • Thanks so much 🙂 I really appreciate your kind words and perspective! yes, fun is definitely important. Especially in NYC – there are so many fun restaurants and bars to try 🙂 haha thanks for stopping by! hugs xox

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  73. As a man, I know how wonderful it is to date a woman who I can connect with because we have something in common. I am captivated because there is the allure of mystery, intellect, dignity, and grace. She is the yin to my yang. She is strong and feminine. We share kindness and generosity. We’ve suffered and survived. Never once did I question her virginity and never once did I assume it’s mine to take no matter how close and no matter how long we grew our friendship. I need to respect her for all that she is and isn’t. And one day she decides I’m worthy and then I ask her to be my wife. I met such a woman 27 years ago. She brings tears of joy to my eyes every morning when I see we are graced with another day together. It’s never about sex if it’s about a lifetime of love. Sex and intimacy are not the be all and end all of love. There is so much more to it than that. Celebrate your many beautiful virtues as petals of a flower. The right man will see it all and cherish the flower and not just the petal or stem. Your purity of heart, mind, body, and soul is the greatest treasure. It’s you, all of you, he will love and cherish. Anything short of that is a relationship that has a short shelf life and an expiration date. Go out and live and enjoy life. It should never, ever require you to give up anything until you know you’ve met the one you love and that love is mirrored in his eyes. So, my dear, be strong, be resolute, be yourself but don’t be in a hurry. Your time will arrive when the time is right. Now, get out there and have fun. 😀

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  76. I understand the fear! My husband of 25 years passed away 8 years ago and when I felt I was ready to consider dating 2 years later I faced the same issues, only at 51. God was truly faithful, and almost 5 years ago I met my husband on Christian Mingle. My strong suggestion – be wIse about the dating sites you use as a Christian woman. Some of them are just offering us trouble! I found E Harmony to be a site very safe – at least when I began internet dating on that site, they gave a lot of advise and put in a lot of safeguards. After I became more comfortable, I began using Christian Mingle, where there was a lot fewer safeguards, but more good men than not. I wouldn’t say all were solid followers of Christ, but I didn’t have any serious problems.

    I love how you ended your blog by stating that you will stick to God’s standards and let him choose. Marriage isn’t easy all the time, and in those difficult moments, it brings an amazing peace to know that regardless, you are right where God wants you. God bless!

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  77. Loved your post and if im honest, i usually hate those for many reasons. To be frank, i have no idea why you are still but can understand the struggle-had that myself a while back and then decided to do my own thing and let people find me one day. I have never heard of the app-bumble. What country are you in?

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  78. Thank you for sharing Caralyn! This is exactly what the world needs to hear.
    You are doing the right thing in trusting God with your love life. Just let Him write your love story, sit back and watch His movie, because it’s going to exceed all your expectations 🙂
    I hope you’ll find an amazing Catholic guy really soon who will treat you the way you deserve. Always keep God in the center of your relationship and let Him lead! God bless! 🙂 <3

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    • Aw, thank you so much 🙂 What a beautiful note of encouragement. You’re right – He is the best match maker and produces the most beautiful love stories So I should just sit back and let Him do what He does best 🙂 Thanks for stoping by! sending big hugs xox

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  79. Hi BBB, why do you target yourself with kind of that thing (dating, having family, etc) moreover, in a limited time? I am sorry but I think this is a bit ridiculous. To be open is great, but set up a time limit, thats a different story. Would you mind if I ask you something? Do you go to the college? Have you finished your diploma/bachelor degree? How about your job…does it match with your major, or you chase your passion that is not your major? How long have you build the career on the job(s) you’re in now? In my country it is in Asia, many but not all young people finish their college/university then go to work & have several years career job before they seriously dating, even some of them start dating when they re in college (including me). Then they get married after they are in job market for several years (including me). And most of them, young men n young women keep their virginity (I confess I was not). Yes, the situatio is different. But in other part of the world, still lots of young people wait till get quite settled job about 2-5 or even 7-10 years after finushing their bachelor degree to get married.

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    • Hi there, thank you for this perspective. To answer your questions, yes, I did go to and finish college. I am working in the field I got a degree in, while simultaneously following my passion-acting. I feel very fulfilled in that area of life, as well as in my relationships with family and friends. Youre right, I souldnt put the pressure of a timetable on myself, that’s unnecessary. Because at the end of the day, it will happen when it’s supposed to. Thanks for the food for thought! Hugs and love xox

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      • Hi BBB, nice to hearing from you that you got a job n follow8ng your passion n have great relationships with family n friends, n very fulfilled, thats super great. Yup, somehow time is mystery. I finally got pregnant after our 10 years marriage, n the 2nd was bornt after the 1st o e was 21 months. Hugs n cheers.

      • Oh my gosh that’s amazing! Congratulations on your growing family 🙂 thats so beautiful. You’re right – time definitely flies by! I wish it would slow down! haha hugs xox

  80. Sheesh the way WordPress handles commenting on an iPhone is so freaking annoying. I had to get out of bed and open up my laptop, haha!

    So I’m an experienced online dater and although I get the impulse to want to check it out, I would honestly say for what you are going for you should probably avoid it. The vast majority of men (myself included when I was using it) are just looking for hookups. Most of them, while using the app, are usually intoxicated and just looking for someone to say “come over right now and do whatever you want to me” and when you don’t do that they treat you like garbage. I hope that you never have to experience some of the things that my female friends have shown me (although they have led to some hilarious Tumblr’s where a-holes are outed… I even know one woman who sent all of the abusive, misogynistic crap that a guy texted her to his mom LOL).

    You said you’re 2 years away from your MUST BE MARRIED date and I think that’s doable, honestly. You seem like you’ve really come a long way in life just judging by your blog and although I get that you’re lonely and probably frustrated at how difficult it is to meet good people in this day and age, people in your situation (who are out living and loving life) will find someone of like mind sooner than later. I’m tempted to tell you that if you really want to find someone who would wait for marriage with you to try one of the Christian dating sites but I know plenty of non-Christian guys who use those sites just because the women are (sadly) usually more gullible and innocent.

    It’s not my place to tell you what to do but I’ve personally learned to avoid online dating like the plague. Even for an intelligent, fairly attractive man such as my self (haha) the women I met from those sites were definitely not the kind of people I’d want to spend my life with. It’s a wasteland of desperate people who all have glaring character flaws… which I’m sure is why they’ve resorted to online dating.

    You don’t have to do that. You’re a good person, you’re putting yourself out in the world into situations where you ARE going to meet people.

    And let’s both be honest, doesn’t it feel kind of gross to “swipe” to let someone know you’re interested? 😉

    Reply

    • Hey there! Oh my
      Gosh this comment is amazing. I was like nodding along and saying “yes!” To the entire thing. so thank you. That’s hysterical about your friend who fwd’d the texts to his mom!! 😂😂😂but you’re right-meeting IRL (😎) is definitely the way to go. Because yes-swiping is gross. Hugs and love xox

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  81. I love this so much! I am 4.5 months away from my “kill-me-if-I’m-not-married-by-then” age haha (and yes I am counting that precisely). It’s unfortunate that that pressure is out there but I guess that’s just life! I respect and appreciate your decisions so much and you are absolutely correct in that the right guy will as well. Good luck in your September challenge!

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  84. I know how you feel [😊] . Don’t compromise your principles though, you will be fine just have patience and be you.

    ________________________________

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      • Such a good read! I can relate. I have chosen to save myself until marriage also. I have recently just decided that I don’t even want to get physical in any way with a man until marriage! Scary to think how a man might take this! But your right, letting God take control is what we can do. I just recently ended an almost two year relationship with a man who I thought I was going to marry. I have learned so many lessons about relationships I will never forget, however, the pain has left me in a state of healing. I am nervous about dating too. I never really have dated. My ex and I just jumped in thinking we were made for one another. That was my very first serious relationship. Any who. I am still finding myself on this journey of letting him go, looking ahead, and giving the men God puts in front of me a chance. I will be praying for you girl! Can’t wait to hear more!

      • Thank you so much for sharing this. You’re right-giving it to God is the best thing to do. Best of luck on your healing journey. I really appreciate the prayers:) you’ll be in mine too! Hugs and love xox

  86. This is so relatable… I had a massive fail when I decided to download a dating app and then I chickened out and deleted it.I’m just going to wait and see what happens… or I will try… 🙂 Good to know I’m not the only one who’s scared of today’s swipe-society. Loved the post! Vicky x

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  87. You were a bumbler. 🙂 I once tried Tinder and it was ridiculous. After reading your writings now for the past few months, I can definitely appreciate your honesty and courage in sharing so many aspects of your personal life to the general public. Trustworthiness is the foundation of all virtue, and I believe thus you are the epitome of virtue. Blessed will be the man who does earn your love by loving you, that beauty beyond your bones, more than his own bones. Stay you!

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    • Oh my gosh what a kind Thing to say! Thank you so much:) yeah perhaps I’ve been a little too open on here! Haha aw well. Se la vie! 🙂 really appreciate your encouragement. Hugs and love xox

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  88. Hey BBB, as a person who also lost many years of my life with a life-changing disease and is still in the midst of adjusting back (and shining) into society, I’m also terrified about dating. But not so much terrified about dating itself to the expectation of it these days. I’m a soul that firmly appreciates real friendship first, to be able to love each others heart and minds first, to explore and support each other’s God given purpose – not so conducive to a 3 date and then physical intimacy dating system. In a way, I’m in the same boat as you. Just thought I’d reach out. I liked your post. Ken x

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    • Thanks for sharing this, Ken. I’m glad your health is better and you’re getting back into things. I love that-friendship first. So important. Thanks again for the encouragement! Hugs and love xox

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  89. Oh, Girl! I’ve been there…Except my dating predates social media. I waited for the right guy, and boy did God deliver! We’re at 18 wonderful married years and counting. Hang in there…I wouldn’t go back to my 20s for love or money.

    Just keep in mind that empirical research is on your side for staying pure (and for waiting longer for that beautiful ring that you’ll get one day!)

    Hugs,
    Stephanie

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  90. Loved this! I admire your wait for your husband. Keep flying the flag. The best decision you could ever make. So much baggage attached to sex outside of marriage. Mr Right will come at the right time. X

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  91. June is gorgeous, I still watch Beaver. Black and White such a beautiful scene for the ladies of Hollywood.

    As for wanting to “not wanting to message first,” I think many women share this attitude. Understandable, being that men should be taking initiative.

    Thanks for sharing Beauty BB!

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  92. I can feel that achy, anxious, giddy, hopefulness mingled with fear in my chest when I read this post. That was the feeling I always experienced when the prospects of a potential date arose – like maybe it would *really* happen! I tried three different online dating websites over the last 10 years – the first was eHarmony when I was 26 or 27. I never went on one date. My self-talk was so similar to yours. “What’s the point? I’ll never find anyone who respects my values.” My last brief trial of online dating was just before I entered treatment, at the prodding and insistence of one of my friends who is still convinced, “I know you’re happy, but what if you could be *happier* WITH someone.” I actually went on two dates, and then I realized I was only dating to fit into the ideas that other people had for my life. So, I stopped, and I have never been more satisfied or taken more joy in life! I’m still open to the idea of dating, but I am leaving it in God’s hands. I like your approach. He knows what we need, and he is always providing it for us. In every moment of every day, he is drawing us a little bit closer to him, speaking to us, and sending the exact blessing that we need in that moment, even if it is very small and ordinary and goes unnoticed. You are in my prayers! I know that your amazing vulnerability and your openness to following His will are going to be rewarded. As for me, my challenge right now is to work on my self-trust issues when it comes to food. I am still clinging to my meal plan, and I don’t trust myself to be able to eat intuitively or to make mindful and healthy choices. It’s a work in progress, so I’m not setting a deadline on it, but that’s where I am right now. Take care! Sending hugs! xoxoxo

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  93. Hello Beauty, I’m quite touched that you liked a couple of posts on my blog familyfootprints.wordpress.com
    I’m very much a nubie to blogging and your site and following is admirable. Please look in now and then as I hope to capture the joy and love of being a parent. Don’t worry about finding love, it will happen when you least expect it. My kids are just about the ages of first crushes and I can see myself in them. When we blog about our kids, we are really talking about ourselves. Stay tuned.

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      • You’re most welcome. Believe it or not, the love you feel for your mate is increased 10 fold in the love you have for your kids. This was something I didn’t realize before. I still remember looking at my son in his crib and suddenly knowing I couldn’t live without him. That is some powerful mojo.

      • Sorry about that.
        Oh by the way, I met my wife at work and believe it or not, she was engaged. We just talked and laughed a lot. I was sent away for work for a few months and she was to be married. When I returned it had been called off. I was surprised but she said it just wasn’t right. We continued to just get along. Soon she was the yin to my yang. New love is so special. The excitement subsides but you relive it in your children. Santa suddenly delivers presents again. New loves and first dates are there again. School is new and exciting again.
        Look at this, I just wasted a good blog. 😊

  94. Your wise and loving Mom and Heavenly Father will always have your back… And your husband, God willing some day will walk beside you with great pride, honor and joy in his heart. Lovely post as always :).
    I will put myself out there by sharing my own struggles with self worth growing up with my students. The only person that can define our self worth is the one in the mirror. Always hold the pen in writing your own story 🙂

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    • Thanks Pepper:) I really appreciate it. I like that-hold the pen. Amen to that! Such an powerful image:) best of luck with sharing your story. I know it will help them and be very beneficial to your students, many of whom may be going through something similar. You just never know 🙂 Hugs and love xox

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  95. “So Jacob served seven years to get Rachel, but they seemed like only a few days to him because of his love for her.” Genesis 29:20 This is a favorite passage of mine to share with our son, who is patiently (most times) waiting for God to reveal the woman He has prepared for him. Your timetable (as with our son’s) may not be the same as God’s…trust in His care & I promise He will not disappoint you. And it will seem as if it were but a ‘few days’ you waited! Hugs dear one!!!

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  96. This post is truly lovely! It is so refreshing to see another young women actually not comprising but following the Lord’s word whole heartedly. In God’s will and timing, he will reveal the treasures he has for his children; He knows what is best for his daughter! Just continue to trust in him. God bless and God loves you!

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  97. I remember the 20s freak out so well! Except I also had my career planned out too and realised, (in my ultimate, future-seeing wisdom), that I was never going to meet a husband in that time- and I didn’t want to be “one of those sad virgins sitting waiting for a husband”… And so in frustration and impatience I went out and had a one night stand with a guy I’d known since I was 15! (Totally worth saying no all those times before hey…). Anyway, “funny” part is… Once the reality of what I’d done hit me and I cracked, I confessed all to my work colleague… The guy who I’d been sitting next to every day for the past 9 months… The guy Ive now been married to for 7 years! Yup… I told God I was sick of waiting for Him to do what He had already done … I just hadn’t been able to see it! Not a great big deal in the grand scheme of things … God is good and forgives our sin… But for me, I threw away the chance to have only my husband for the sake of an experience I convinced myself God wasn’t going to give me… And I hate that! I don’t even know what the moral of that story is except… Well done for hoping and trusting and waiting! God sees and knows much more than we do- even when it’s right in front of us! 😉 X

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    • Thank you so much for sharing this, you’re right-a lot of times it takes a while for us to notice what God has put literally right in front of us! So glad that you and your husband “saw the light” at the office! Haha but seriously, a beautiful love story. Hugs and love xox

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  98. You are truly a rare gem to turn to you Heavenly Father and let Him guide your decisions. It’s amazing how He sees the “big picture” and how He’s already got everything under control. It isn’t easy, that. But always worth it!

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  99. A sweet post. Sometimes letting go opens the doors. I don’t think I’d ever look for someone online, but that’s just me. I found that a great way to meet people is to take classes or volunteer. You meet people with similar interests and get to know them face to face. Plus you learn something or create a better world while you’re at it. Good luck!

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    • Thank you so much D! That’s a really great suggestion! Volunteering not only makes you step outside of yourself but brings you into contact with likeminded people:) thanks! Hugs and love xox

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      • In my younger days, I met some great guys taking cooking classes (I still can’t cook, but whatever), and I met some great guys taking scuba diving classes (and went on some fun vacations too). Do what you love and you will find people who do what you love 😀

  101. I applaud your commitment to not falling into the worldly traps of temptation that can easily lead us down a very bad road. There is no sense in putting oneself into a position where they could fall victim to a nasty stumbling block. It’s certainly not easy in regards to finding someone without that lingering trap around the corner, but as Christians we are no longer slaves to sin.

    Stick to your guns, keep your most precious gift safe and sound for your husband, a brother in Christ. Good luck and may you endure by His grace and mercy!!

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  102. Wow… I’m not even sure how to begin. I’m really glad i stumbled upon your blog. It’s like in every post, you’re talking about me. I think we’re very similar. I struggled for 7 years with an addiction of sorts. I’m 19 and well, I’ve been in recovery for about 3 years (since i made the decision to quit). And you’re a very big inspiration to me to keep on track. Maybe one day, like you, I’ll be open to talking about what i went through.
    Okay…about this post. Yah, something like this happens to me too. I start talking to a guy and the moment i get an inkling that he wants to meet up or that we’re getting closer, i go AWOL. Like i drop off the face of the earth. I don’t reply texts, pick calls and i avoid the person. It’s like I’ve put up this massive wall between myself and everyone else. And I’m only 19 but it’s like all of my friends are having boyfriends and stuff. i kind of feel left out but I’m my own obstacle. I’m terrified of intimacy (not talking physically here but generally, the idea of being that close and opening myself to another human being). So anyways, the part i really liked was
    “…But I am going to be open to the men God brings into my life. I am going to be open to being vulnerable and putting myself out there.”
    If God brings a guy into my life, the least i could do is welcome him, right?
    Thanks so much for your courage and dedication and your words. Keep up the good work.
    🙂

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  103. I was wanting to comment on this for a while but just wanted to say have been going through the similar situation…. I agree with what you have to say and I am working on it too cause for me I​ assume good about a person and when they have done something wrong I just assume the worst of that person but learning to let that go.

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  104. Loved your honesty and your wit. I hope that I encouraged you to express your raw honesty to the Lord Himself. My wife and I have a number of single friends who are living your exact same feelings, and my essential prayer for them is for Courage, Wisdom and Grace. Courage to allow yourself to vulnerable enough to get into and relationship. Courage enough to quickly get out of the ones you know should go nowhere because there is no reason to waste time. Wisdom to know the difference between the two above. And Grace, for living your best day today as you are, prized by God, and apparently loved by many. Thank you for sharing your life with us. Greg

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  105. Love this! God is the ultimate Matchmaker, He brought me and my hubby together 23 years ago and we’re still going strong thanks to His Grace! We have 3 girls aged 19, 20 and 21 and all of them are saving themselves for their ‘Godly man’ as we have done. Good on you girl, it’s worth the wait! ☺

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    • Hey again friend! Aw thanks! So true! The ULTIMATE matchmaker:) aw what a beautiful marriage you and you husband have! So inspiring:) thanks for all your encouragement. Hugs and love xox

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  106. BBB, In April 2016 I wrote a blog titled, “Hallmarks 0f a Good Marriage.” Of course I can’t be sure, but I think you’d find it interesting, so I am passing it on. Continuing to pray for you, Greg

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  107. I love this post. 🙂 You are adorable and it is adorable. I loved it because it reminds of when I met my wife… over myspace.com And back then, it was weird to meet people online, so, as my wife likes to remind me, I was a total creeper. But somehow I won her over. Your post reminded me of how scared and excited I was. I pray the same for you. Love is beautiful and wonderful. Wait to go for keeping sex till marriage, too! I did as well, and did not regret it at all. It was the special gift I could give my wife that was only hers, and it meant a lot. I know there are so many more pressures on women than men. It’s not fair at all. Praying for you. Anyway, I wish you all the best, and thank you for visiting my blog, too. 🙂

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    • Aw, thank you so much 🙂 haha what a fun story of how you met your wife! so inspiring. Thanks for your encouragement. It’s nice to know I’m not alone in that decision 🙂 And thanks for the prayers. big hugs xo

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  110. Right there with you on the age, the mid-twenties, the approaching “deadlines”, and the conservativeness… and the trust. Know there is someone out there with the same situation. Prayers!!

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  111. This is a very inspiring and engaging read. I am happy to know there are still a lot of women like you. Like me. And you’re one beautiful being. I am sure the right man will come at the right time and place.

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  113. When I was a youth leader I used to tell the girls it’s not that you’ll be damaged if you don’t sleep with only the man you marry. It’s just that when you do get married, you’ll wish with all your heart that he had been the only one. You’ll want to have had that special gift for him. And you might wonder now and then what you’re missing. Everyone has those panicky moments in life about only being with one spouse for all time. You might have to ask another married friend “Is that normal?” But Caralyn, your story is awesome. You’re a modern woman and you’ve lived a full and I’ll even say an exciting life. You’ve gone a long time without coping mechanisms. That’s a great testimony. Keep on proving that it’s possible to remain abstinent. Keep on trusting God’s wisdom. Keep on sharing what He does and who He is. Believe it or not, it’s groundbreaking.

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    • Thank you so much Heather. What a kind thing to say. You’re right, God is good and He will take care of me. I do trust that 🙂 What a powerful job. It sounds like you made a difference in a lot of young people’s lives. That’s awesome. So glad you stopped by! hope you’re having a great day xox

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  116. […] Same with boys. I could be dating. You know, really put myself out there to meet Mr. Right.  I could go to the young adult singles group after Mass. I could go to any of the many christian singles events in this big booming metropolis. I could make myself emotionally available to certain gentlemen who have an interest. But I don’t. I keep my heart at arm’s distance. Never show my cards. Never become emotionally vulnerable with any guy. Chalk it up to “not being ready for a relationship“… […]

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  117. Love this post….one thing though – I’m at the way past the even thinking about it stage – so if you’re worried – I should be in lunatic mode. Married 28 years, divorced 8 – wow – hahaha God’s been busy trying to figure this one out 🙂 – I’ll wait.

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    • Yeah, all of our journey’s look different. i do believe that eventually, we’re going to end up right where we’re meant to be 🙂 Thanks for sharing this. Big hugs to you xox

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  118. Too much thinking of marriage, relations, singleness, dates, etc… It’s your idol. God will not give you what draws you from Him, even if you think it is SO IMPORTANT to you. Father will never get her small daughter an electric bike which she desires so much, because once she used a simple push-bike and got lost on the other side of the city….

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  119. It’s literally like I’m reading my life. 22 years old, single, no precious long relationships, virgin. Everything in this post, I literally think about all the time. You’re like my internet spirit animal. Good luck to you, much love xoxo
    Also I’m totally going through your old posts so don’t be surprised if you see a lot of me liking your stuff haha

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    • Hi Caitlin, thank you so much for sharing this. Aw, i’m so glad this resonated with you so personally. haha spirit animal! love it! and no worries! i’m honored that you would take the time to read my words! big hugs to you xox

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  120. I love every bit of this post. Trusting God is absolutely the right way. He brought my husband into my life and we both just “knew”. We were married in a little court house ceremony within two months! Everyone thought we were nuts but ten years later we are still in love, still happy just being together. God has the perfect man for you and you are honoring God (which is so huge and rare) while you wait.

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