Frank Conversations

Ever have one of those moments when something so casual and everyday smacks you upside the head with such plain english, it’s laughable?

Maybe I’m not making myself 100% clear.

Articulate, Caralyn.


Okay.

Sometimes, all it takes is an outside perspective — or, a frank remark by a highly intelligent Wall Street #girlboss lawyer — to really make you see a situation in a new light.

And well, that just happened to me.

Tonight, I was talking with a wise older woman ((not my mom)) about my “staycation” last weekend. I told her how my mom and sister-in-law came to visit, and how we had a great time. We visited the Top of the Rock, ate great food, saw Aladdin on Broadway. I ended it by saying how much I missed my family back in Ohio.

“Well, do you see yourself staying here long term?”

“Oh no!” I replied without even skipping a beat. “I want to raise a family back in Ohio…I just need to meet a man first!” (#selfdepricator)

And without even blinking, this #girlboss woman goes, “Well don’t find one here! Good luck trying to get a New York guy to move to Ohio!”

I chuckled…uncomfortably. “Yeah…”

“You’ve gotta find a guy in Ohio. And you’d better hurry before all the good ones are taken!”

Damn.


That noise you hear is my entire existence shattering into a million tiny pieces.

Walking home, I kept replaying that conversation over and over in my head.

Was I really that dumb? How had I not thought of that before?? Of course, if I meet a guy in NYC, he’s not going to want to leave NYC. He’ll have his job and his life here. He’s not going to want to move to Ohio. 

Oy vey. Am I dense or what?


Over the next few hours, I tried to put it out of my mind. Think about something else: There’s a young singles meet up at church tomorrow…debating going to that. That’s a step in the right direction, right??

Checked out the guest list of a party I’m attending on Saturday night to scope out any potential hunks….

But my mind kept going back to the question…If my end goal is to wind up in Ohio with a family and a lap dog near my family, then why the hell am I looking in New York?

Ugh. I hope you can hear my exasperated groan through the screen.


So then, my mind went to the hypotheticals. I started playing the “what if” game. You know, what would it look like if I were to look for a potential suitor in Ohio.

Well, I have a confession. Back over Thanksgiving when I was at home…I did a little…research. I went on Bumble. Not to get a date, but to just see what was out there. Or rather, see who was out there. Bumble is a dating app that is location based and so wherever you+your phone are, the app will show you people in that same geographical area.

Swiping Scrolling the app, I literally knew so. many. guys. Literally SO MANY were from my high school.

The town — or rather, township — I am from is very…incestuous. Not in an inbreeding sort of way….no Hapsburgs here…

Sorry, history joke…

But people just don’t leave. Maybe they go away to college, but most people end up right back there, going to their alma mater’s Friday Night Football Games every week.

And everybody knows evvvvvvverybodys’ business. 

It’s no secret that home is a very bittersweet place for me.

I’m going to be pretty blunt here: I was a pretty beloved child growing up in my community. I came from a pretty respected family, my brothers were the high school quarterback and point guard, my parents were deeply engaged leaders at our church, and I had been doing professional theater/film around the city since age five. So you can imagine, when I came down with severe anorexia in my last two years of high school and wasted away to 78 pounds, my “fall from grace” was, well….highly visible. 

So ever since I “got well,” home has always been…difficult to return to, to say the least. There’s a shadow of that former life that follows me around. Even to this day, nearly 10 years since the fact, I still will get well-meaning-yet-slightly-out-of-touch women from church who come up to me and say, “Oh, sweetie, you look so healthy now.”

I’ve even had a *former* doctor boisterously and densely joke, “Remember when you didn’t eat?!”


Yeah…

So it’s hard to go back.

So thinking about dating someone from my hometown…it’s complicated. And honestly, anxiety-inducing.

Thinking, he’ll talk to someone and hear a horror story about my past… 

…You’re dating Caralyn? Dude…not a good idea. She’s a head case. Remember in high school? The girl almost died. Don’t get tangled up with that freak show. There’s something wrong with her. 

Whenever I’m back in my hometown, I feel as though I have a big scarlet letter on my chest.

And I’m going to be honest, thinking about this made me really sad. I fought back tears the entire night. I watched Gilmore Girls, and cried, thinking that I could never be Rory Gilmore, returning to Stars Hollow to live by her mom and have that story book existence.

But back to the topic at hand.

Is looking for my future husband in NYC what I’m supposed to be doing?

I went to bed thinking about that with a pit in my stomach, and I woke up with a bit more clarity.

I don’t think “looking for” or “seeking out” my future husband is the answer here.

I should be “seeking” the Lord.

Not a man. The Man: Jesus.

I need to chase His heart, not some Brock, Brett, or Brad I may meet at some wannabe-hipster bar on the Upper East Side.

Because at the end of the day, God already has my future husband picked out, and there’s no way I can miss him.

But that doesn’t just give me a free pass to sit back and be complacent either. I have to put myself in play. Get out there and in the mix so that I can meet him, and be open to love when it comes along.
As far as meeting a NYC guy and wanting to end up in Ohio…

That one, I’m going to have to just throw my hands up and simply trust the Father.

I’m going to trust that He has my best interest at heart. I’m going to pray and keep putting myself in position to meet the man God has in mind for me.


And I guess that means going to that mixer tonight after church.

So…I guess all that’s left to do now is go find my MetroCard and get my arse on the subway  so I’m not late! Who knows. This could be the first day of the rest of my life.

Wish me luck!

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325 responses to “Frank Conversations”

  2. I know this is a big thing to have on your mind! My story is a bit different, but I’ll share it with you to demonstrate how the Lord can work in things like this.
    I am from western New York. I went to college at a small university in the middle of nowhere, Ohio. And unbeknownst to me, I met my future husband on my first day at college. But I was certain I did NOT want to stay in Ohio after graduation. I missed home way too much. But then I fell in love with my future husband…and the Lord changed my heart. I just wanted to be wherever my husband was. For us, that’s turned out to be northeastern Ohio. I still miss my home in NY, and David misses his hometown a bit further into Ohio. But it doesn’t HAVE to be an either/or thing. You can still move back to Ohio without living in your hometown with all the business of your childhood being known to everybody. You will still be a lot closer to your family than you are now. But the Lord will lead you to the right man. And you’re right, you won’t be able to miss him!🙂

    Reply

    • Oh my gosh this is so encouraging! Thank you so much for sharing! And what a beautiful love story you have with your husband. I’m so glad you’ve found that right place for the both of you:) thanks again for stopping by! Hugs and love xox

      Reply

    • Thank you so much Gwen. I really appreciate the encouragement. You’re right-gotta enjoy this some now and use my single time to fall in love with Jesus. Thanks again for the prayers. Hugs and love xox

      Reply

  6. Hey hey

    God’s timing is everything! Your last few posts have me kind of wondering if perhaps you’re getting impatient. I remember your post where you were talking about struggling with your point in life after watching an awards show as an aspiring singer/actress. And then wondering about relationships.

    I’m not saying you’re wrong to wonder, but I’m saying rejoice in the things God has brought into your life. Health, loving family, supportive friends here and in your life. I know it’s hard to wait for these things you really want, but God knows you need these things in your life, and He’s preparing you for what He has in store, maybe the singing and acting is somewhere that you will bring Him the most glory. And as for that special man–God may have you all ready for him, but He hasn’t finished everything on him yet for you. When He’s done, He’ll bring him into your life and you will appreciate and thank God for everything about Him.

    I’m kind of in the same boat as you. I really want a family but I don’t know if it’ll be here in Omaha!

    Hoping you are well and always praying for you, Caralyn–remember to rejoice each day for its one that God has made!!

    ~Tom

    Reply

  7. Good luck! You never know what’s going to happen next is the phrase that kept coming to my mind. I had a horrible bout with addiction and alcoholism, nearly killed myself, got my life back on track, and was, or so I thought, very happily situated in Boston for the remainder of my life. I had work, a nice place, a good neighborhood, great neighbors, some potential love interests, family nearby, and it was all wonderfully home! Next thing I know, I’m back in DC (where almost all of my addiction history happened, boy do I identify with you on going back the the “scene of the crime” so to speak), giving up job, neighborhood, family, love, and, well, almost everything. Who thought this was a good idea? Well, God. And I’m tempted to agree. But it’s a turn of events I never would have ever even imagined!

    Your faith will guide you. It is one of the most beautiful aspects about you, it shines through in your writing like the first golden streaks of dawn. Faith and trust. God bless! Rich

    Reply

    • Hi Rich, thank you so much for sharing your story. It is very inspiring. You’re right – returning to that place is always difficult, but I’m so glad that you’ve found peace and have flourished there! THat is a true sign of victory and recovery! I appreciate your kindness and friendship. Hugs ox

      Reply

  10. This resonates with me. Going “home” is hard for me, not only because of my own fall from grace but because of my blog and the publicity it has had around it at different times. Everyone there “knows me” because of my blog, they’ve kept up with my life, but I don’t know them. It’s awkward.

    On another note: I hope you have a good time at the mixer! 😉 Good luck!

    Reply

    • Thanks Rebecca! I’m so glad it struck a chord with you. Yeah, I can definitely relate to having your life out on the internet. Only my family and 2 best friends know about this blog. 😬 debating “going public” with it, so I definitely admire your courage! Keep writing! It helps people more than you know:) Hugs and love xox

      Reply

      • Oh goodness, I had no idea you weren’t officially “public”! Going pubic is really difficult, especially if your blog is your therapy (take it from me…), but it was well worth it for me. I didn’t actually get to be the one to make that call with mine, but I am glad that it happened anyways. Haha will do, you too! I always get excited to see when you’ve posted! *hugs and love back atcha* 🙂 Have a great night!

  11. Well Caralyn, I will not wish you luck. I will pray God’s Blessings be on you, in you, over you. I pray His Spirit to fill you with Love for our Lord Jesus Christ. I pray that the Spirit of Jesus will give you wisdom, wisdom in each choice you make, and that you will hear His voice when He says No, and when He says Go.
    Praying for you to have the Peace that only the Spirit of the Resurrected Christ can give in all circumstances. Praying that you will follow the leading of The Spirit, and that you will continue to seek Jesus in all things, through His Written Word and Prayer.
    I firmly believe you have a strong ministry ahead of you, and there will be a man brought into your life by the Spirit of Jesus, who will be in concert with Jesus and you, and through it all Jesus Christ will be glorified, and others will come to know Him personally.
    Caralyn, you are very special, and I love you, in a Godly way, as I am old enough to be your grandfather.
    God Bless you my good Friend.
    Luv, George

    Reply

    • Hi George, thank you so much for your prayers. They truly mean so much. Yes, listening to His instruction is always easier said than done…especially when patience is involved. I appreciate your kind words. Aww, you’ve truly made me smile tonight. Hugs and love xox

      Reply

  12. Caralyn, while you are waiting for the husband God is preparing for you, you can be investing now in your future marriage by praying through Stormie O’Martian’s book “The Power of A Praying Wife”. Also, you might subscribe to Gary Thomas’ blog on marriage, and receive emails from “Unveiled Wife”. Now is a time for laying good foundations.

    And another thing: two of my favorite people used to tell me that there is one thing much, much worse than being unhappily single: being unhappily married.

    It was when I finally quit looking that I met my husband. I expect you may have the same experience.

    Anyway, I hope this encourages you.

    Reply

  13. Yup, I’m in the same place as you on that one! Would rather settle down in my hometown but the problem for me is the job market is not good there. I will say, though, that no matter where I go in the world, I seem to run into people from my hometown or the surrounding towns, so don’t underestimate how small a world it is! Maybe there’s a guy in NYC wanting to move back to Ohio, too! 😉

    Reply

    • Thanks Rose Marie. I’m so glad this resonated with you! Aw, thanks for the encouragement. You’re right-it really is a small world! There’s a good plan out there for both you and I! 🙂 Hugs and love xox

      Reply

  15. Annie over at Catholic Wife, Catholic Life writes about praying a Novena to St. Anne, I think? Apparently, I guess Jesus’ grandmother is the patron of those seeking spouses. It’s worth a shot, if you haven’t tried it!!

    And, I know a deeply devout couple who met I think during Adoration? Or, that was one of their favorite dates? Surrendering our all to His will is *so* difficult, but such a beautiful challenge, for those up to it!

    Happy Feast of the Immaculate Conception!!

    Reply

    • Oh interestinggggggg! Perhaps that novena will be my advent focus:) you’re right-Christ centered relationships are so beautiful. My parents and brothers’ marriages are all powerful examples of just that. It’s been so beautiful to watch and observe 🙂 Thanks for the encouragement! Hugs and love xox

      Reply

  17. Wow! Thanks for sharing! That is a truly beautiful and powerful story…. I must say, God does have you covered when it comes to finding a man. Keep your eyes fixated on Him first and foremost and go where you find peace. And who knows? You may meet someone someplace completely random and wind up on a totally different adventure in life than you expected…. I speak from experience! I am from California and I met my husband in Hawaii volunteering with YWAM. He is from Germany and we now live in Canada. Couldn’t have guessed that in a million years, yet here we are. 🙂 so if God made THAT happen, New York to Ohio is definitely doable.

    Reply

    • Thanks Laura, what a kind reflection. Thank you so much for the encouragement. You’re right. God’s got everything under control and His plans may take me somewhere I couldn’t possible imagine yet. And wow! What an incredible story of how you and your husband met! So beautiful! God is good! Hugs and love xox

      Reply

  18. Maybe I’m just in a weird mood, but this cracked me up: “And you’d better hurry before all the good ones are taken!” I don’t know. It’s like they’re on sale at Walmart or something. 😆

    And don’t worry. God will provide. He will lead you to the one you’re meant to marry. 🙂 And who knows? It might be that one New Yorker who has a secret yen to leave the city and live in a quiet Ohio town (No sarcasm here. Being perfectly serious).

    By the way (to completely jump subjects), how did you like Aladdin on Broadway?

    Reply

  19. Isn’t there that Christian dating site? Christian Mingle I think it’s called?

    But yeah, that someone sometimes comes when you’re not looking. I think you will do fine.

    Reply

    • Hey! Thanks for the encouragement. Yeahhhh there is…honestly, not great though. It feels like it’s straight out of the 90s…clunky interface. Maybe I’m being too “persnickety” but it just felt — I don’t know — dated or something. Hope you’re having a great night! Hugs xox

      Reply

  23. If going back to my hometown brought the concerns you mentioned, I would not go. I like to move forward. I chose to follow God’s lead and he took me all over the country and NEVER back where I started and I am so much happier. You are right, seek God’s leading. Remember, God made Eve for Adam not the other way around. 🙂

    Reply

    • Thanks so much for this encouragement. You’re right. God has got the wheel-and it will be a much more interesting and exciting ride than any I could ever imagine. Thanks for stopping by and for this powerful perspective. Hugs and love xox

      Reply

  24. I don’t know the exact verse, but I’m sure that there’s this line in the Bible that you inherit fortune from your parents, but only God can give you a good wife (or husband)
    Anyway, that #girlboss woman you’re talking about, yeah, she’s right…
    And this issue of yours that you find it hard to date someone from your town, I can relate to that. well, not in a sense that I’ve done something that made me want to walk away, but I also want to find a guy somewhere far away! Haha
    But if ever I did find one, I do wish to God that this guy should have a bigger faith than me.

    Reply

  26. Joan Didion (author and playwright) is best known for writing the screenplays of critically acclaimed movies such as Up Close and Personal (1996), The Panic in Needle Park (1971), A Star is Born (1976), and True Confessions (1981) wrote of her impressions of New York City:

    “I remember walking across Sixty-second Street one twilight that first spring, or the second spring, they were all alike for a while. I was late to meet someone but I stopped at Lexington Avenue and bought a peach and stood on the corner eating it and knew that I had come out of the West and reached the mirage. I could taste the peach and feel the soft air blowing from a subway grating on my legs and I could smell lilac and garbage and expensive perfume and I knew that it would cost something sooner or later — because I did not belong there, did not come from there — but when you are twenty-two or twenty-three, you figure that later you will have a high emotional balance, and be able to pay whatever it costs. I still believed in possibilities then, still had the sense, so peculiar to New York, that something extraordinary would happen any minute, any day, any month.”

    Reply

    • Thanks for this powerful perspective. I love that. Any minute. Any day. Any month. Gotta keep that faith! Coincidentally I was just on 62nd and Lex just the other day! Thanks for this. Hugs xox

      Reply

    • Hahah wow! What a story! Thank you for sharing. I’m so glad that God moved in your heart and you met your soulmate! God is good! Can’t wait to check it out:) Hugs and love xox

      Reply

  29. You appear beautiful to me inside and out. “The One” will show up when it’s time. He won’t care about your past. He will accept you for who you are and who you were. And the same will apply to you in regards to him. We all have our faults; we’re human. Have faith. Keep being wonderfully you. You don’t need luck. You already have what it takes.

    Reply

    • That’s so kind of you to say. Thank you so much! I have faith that you’re right. God will take care of me. (And you too!) I appreciate your encouraging words. Hugs and love xox

      Reply

  30. Great post Caralyn, as always.

    Well, in such delicate matters, it’s often best to follow your heart. Just a suggestion.

    In the end, whatever you choose, we never really know what the future brings (or what is God’s plan). Which is kind of the beauty behind it all, the “beauty beyond time”.

    Anyways, hope everything works out well for you, ciao. 🙂

    Reply

  31. Hello Caralyn! It is the age old conundrum of the image of love vs. the feeling of love. I don’t know anyone who would really care where they lived if they could feel immersed in love. Happy hunting!

    Reply

  32. Trusting God is the best route to go in my opinion, and I have learned that he takes you to places sometimes that you may not have expected to go. It is an adventure, to say the least. 🙂

    Reply

  34. If the “one” for you is in your hometown, he won’t look down on you for your past. He’ll admire you for the strength you had to make it through. Even the people who look like they have everything perfectly together have struggles and issues…it’s just that some don’t show on the outside. Good luck to you, and try to enjoy the stage of life you’re in. So many people would love to have the freedom and options that you have right now.

    Reply

  35. I had that “other perspective” moment at Church. I was attending another Church because I’m working with them doing something I thought I would never do. ACTING in a Church Christmas presentation for primary schoolchildren (4-11 age range) God just really spoke to me about different things that have been weighing my heart down; I know there’s a part about a single man rather than looking for a wife to seek the Lord, that has been a comfort in some ways, not sure about a single woman (possibly because I am not one 😂) maybe pray about where you need to be living, what God has planned for your love life x.

    Anyway hope you haven’t missed me too much 😋 sending you lots of 💜💜💜💜💜 and 😘😘😘😘😘
    Benjamin x

    Reply

  36. Compared to normal EVERYONE falls short. I liked to ride my bicycle in Ohio. I’ve never road the subway but I’ve been in the tunnels. The cars sound like an adventure. Is it like the movies or creepy like the Japanese subways?

    Reply

      • Ha. I bet. Do you think maybe a dude is not what you need? I travel a lot and I look at couples and wonder what that’s like because I forgot what even holding hands felt like. Then, I’m honest with myself that maybe my life is, enough.

      • aw, yeah. i think we all have different things on our hearts. I do believe I am called to marriage. There is a deep longing in my heart to give love to another person. 🙂 but that’s definitely an interesting thought. and i do agree that your life is absolutely enough. hugs xo

      • It’s on YouTube. Most, of it anyways. I was wondering, how your fear of acceptance overshadowed your very successful, career. Or, if you saw it that way.

      • oh cool. I’ll look it up! To be honest, I don’t really have a fear of acceptance at all. More of failure…and that’s definitely made me think twice about taking big risks.

      • Hm, I thought acceptance from someone of your ED. I thought that might stop you from really connecting with someone. So is, failure a big force in your life?

      • Oh oh oh. Yes, I didn’t realize that’s what you meant by acceptance. Yeah I definitely have reservations about sharing that history with people but I know that with the right man that won’t be an issue.

      • That’s true. Guys are easy, kinda. I was in San Francisco yesterday, learning. Language, labels love as an “always.” Love, seems to be a moment by moment emotion. Romance is bait that love is just, ginormous. To really love someone is to be stripped of definitions implied by others and slowly encircled by what it means to each. Our modern dating implies something so casual to love. It’s scary.

      • Wow, that is so deep. You’re right, modern dating has completely stripped “love” of its meaning and importance and significance. It’s sad. And scary.

  37. When I met the love of my life, my precious wife of 28 years, she had things she felt ashamed of regarding her past. She was terrified to share with me. When she finally did, the first thing I heard the Lord say was, “Look how much she loves Me.” I couldnt have cared less about her past. Who was I to judge? I knew we were to be together. God gives us the capacity to love and His love is boundless. God has a man for you and you for him. There is a man out there praying to God for a woman exactly like you just like you are praying for Him!

    Reply

    • Hi Tom, wow, thank you for sharing this. How beautiful. It sounds like you and your wife have an amazing relationship. God is good, and I’m so glad He bought the two of you together. Thanks for the encouragement. hugs xo

      Reply

      • We have a wonderful relationship because we serve an Awesome God who provides the grace to love. Life can be beautiful and life can be incredibly difficult. We have experienced both for sure, sometimes more trials than we care to travel through, but the One thing that has helped us continue to grow, has been the Lord as the center of our individual lives and marriage. Waiting for a man who shares your faith is worth the wait. No one is perfect and learning to love includes accepting the entire person, lumps, bumps and all! Our past and wounds shape us into who we are. You wouldn’t be the person you are today without having traveled the path you did. The path of redemption has further increased the reflection of Christ in and through you. A godly man will understand and value that for sure. If someone is judging your wounds, they need to look hard in the mirror….seriously. Keep being your authentic self and you will be amazed at who God brings in His time!

      • That is seriously so beautiful. A Christ-centered marriage is the key to a lasting and beautiful partnership. You’re right-we are who we are because of our past. That’s some great wisdom. Massive hugs to you.

  38. I will tell you what I tell my own sons. You want a good man? Become that good woman that a man like that deserves. Except it is opposite for them…. LOL.
    Don’t stress….you are already well on your way.

    Reply

  41. I’ve been thinking the same thing (for you). God has a plan for your life, including your man & keep trusting. He Will Do It!! All the best.

    Reply

  42. I’m in agreement with you. I had a friend who was really wanting to grow some roots and settle down. She wouldn’t talk to men, and said if God has someone for her He’ll bring him to her. I reminded her of Ruth, and gently said God can do that, but you can be a little bold too. It can’t hurt to try. Carpe your diem 🙂

    Reply

  43. Oooor (that’s meant to be awwwww)… in the sense: you’ll get there. And so many sound comments!
    From my perspective, I think you need to step back from those words (a “word curse”?); and also raise up your family’s, and your own, wisdom. I could go on, and on…
    …
    e.g. Your “here,” is where you are, and He is…
    And as you open up (and as you have worked on – and you can respect your work), he… comes in.

    Reply

    • This is really great advice, David. I’ve Got to just be present where I am and listen to the sound advice from those around me. Thanks for stopping by and for your encouragement! Have a great night! Hugs and love xox

      Reply

  44. Wow you meet some interesting and very discerning people! Also I wish the Lord’s hand over your mixer! 😀 You are a beloved daughter in the eyes of the Lord and you are totally right; He has the best plans for you! Keep praying, keep seeking Jesus and you will find Him! Lots of love from SA

    Reply

    • Thanks so much SA:) I appreciate this kind reflection. It was a really nice time. You’re right, gotta keep praying and seeking a his fave. Glad you stopped by! Hugs and love xox

      Reply

  45. Wow! You’ve gotten a great deal of encouragement and prayers. Yea! As much as I love the city I now live in, I didn’t want to move back. mostly because of bad memories, a rape and other horribleness. Plus, my children are in other states and I wanted to be nearer to them, so I know how that feels. Even though I didn’t move into the same community I am doing well. I even attended my class reunion. Granted it’s been 50 years and everyone has grown up, but I forced myself to go and it went very well. It was my own self consciousness that was tough.
    As for the right man, meet and greet and let God. The thing of it is, He knows what you need and believe it or not, the right one will appear when you aren’t even looking. There’s an old saying that sometimes “you can’t see the forest for the trees” Well, its true, you may miss Mr. Right for looking too hard.
    My husband has always said that he doesn’t care where we live as long as I’m happy and he’s with me. We are here now because his mother will be alone when her ill husband passes, so that’s okay. He did it for me when we moved to take care of my parents and now it’s his parents turn. Maybe one day, I’ll get to be near my kids again, if not, they are only a couple of states away and that’s not too far, plus I live by the beach, so they try harder to get here for visits. LOL
    Just remember, everything works according to God’s plan.

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  48. As an old married woman, with grown kids and a grandchild, this made me smile – in a friendly, sisterly, way … he will turn up when you least expect, and aren’t looking for anyone (or have your eyes on someone else, who isn’t interested)!

    Reply

  49. The journey of a hero in all the epic tales follow the same path;

    Something happens, causing them to have to go, willing or unwilling.

    Then comes the preparation. It may be mental or physical…

    The journey: the hero travels to an unknown place filled with challenges. This is where they find people who help them and teach them to survive.

    The turning point… the journey comes to an end, with the problem defeated, the hero returns home.

    Upon the hero’s return, they carry all the knowledge and experience they gained. Then it is time to share that with those around them, as well as living a fuller life.

    Why do I tell you this? Think of your life… is it any different?

    One last thing… The people who know you, will also know that you survived. The ones who are worth while to be around will respect you for your recovery, and will be proud to call you their friend (or more 😉

    Good luck on your journey, and know that God is always with you. His timing is always perfect.

    Havoc

    Reply

    • Hi Havoc, wow, thank you so much for this perspective. So powerful! You’re right-God is always with me on the journey. I just have to trust His perfect timing and be patient! Hugs and love xox

      Reply

  50. Take it from me do what you said you were going to and seek Jesus! When I stopped searching for a guy and searching for Jesus and pleasing him, he literally dropped a man right in my face that had been standing there all along! Keep trusting him! Live in the moment and enjoy the ride!😊😊

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  51. well written! So many things I want to say– I am from a small town, and though I have not experienced what you have- I understand that fear of everyone knowing everything… it is hard to go home, some people say.

    I met my husband at a rough time in my life. I was far away from home, and very far away from God- yet even when I had deserted HIM, He still guided me to the love of my life. It turned out that my husband had distanced himself from God as well— and with the inspiration of my parents, we started to go back to church, got married in the church and now our beautiful daughter was baptized in the church! God helped us so much— the more we surrendered to him. (maybe I should write this in a post someday…now that I am reflecting on it lol)

    I will pray for you– you deserve to have that partner by your side- and God has someone for you!!!

    How did that mixer go?? 🙂

    Reply

    • Thank you so much! I’m so glad it resonated with you. You’re right, going home can definitely be hard. And wow, what a beautiful story you and your husband have! Thank you for sharing. God is good. Yes! I would love to read it. Thanks for the prayers:) it was so much fun!! Didn’t meet “him” but made a couple new friends! 🙂 haha Hugs and love xox

      Reply

  52. Hi Friend – one phrase I have needed to remember at times like this when our plans become a jumbled mess…”Faith, it’s simple but it’s not easy!” other thoughts that came to mind while reading…’Listen for Him’, ‘Trust His plan’ and as you said ‘Seek Him’ first…just prayed for you this morning. Peace to you as we look forward to His birth 🙂

    Reply

  56. So there are things you control and things you don’t. Make two lists of each kind of thing. And star, underline or otherwise denote those things that you control that are most likely to influence those you do not control.

    For instance if you establish yourself as a competent woman (which you already are but keep going!) you may actually attract the right kind of man – though watch out for freeloaders. But you don’t control the men who show up – that’s God’s job.

    Second, only you can sift through the riddle of where you live. Don’t allow stereotypes into that internal conversation. You *can* live anywhere; you can literally create and spread your own culture, including – most importantly – faith.

    Celebrate your victories! Great things have already happened. And there are more coming. And yeah, that word again – patience. Just so you know, in the Bible the word translated patience literally means “long suffering”. We all go through it. You are not alone.

    -John

    Reply

    • This is some great advice, John. Thank you so much. You’re right- patience patience patience. He will bring the man into my life. And God will nudge me where I’m supposed to go. I just have to trust and then let Him work! Have a great weekend. Hugs and love xox

      Reply

  57. Thank you for sharing your story. Home sounds very bittersweet indeed (also that doctor? Horribly unprofessional/callous/rude comment, but I’m sure you already knew that!) Trusting with you, friend!

    Reply

  58. Nice post! It is hard to go home, especially a small town home. The gossip is brutal! When things aren’t going the direction I think they should, I try to remember Elijah’s experience. In 1 Kings 19, Elijah is complaining to God. Apparently the Israelites do not like being called to repentance, so they try and kill the messenger: Elijah. He escapes to the hills and hides in a cave. God comes to him and asks Elijah what the problem is. Elijah tells God how things aren’t really going his way. God tells Elijah to go stand on top of the mountain. God sends a powerful wind, an earthquake and fire. It’s a strong message to Elijah that if God wanted, he could control the elements and solve Elijah’s problem. Yet the most powerful communication was when God spoke to Elijah in a, “still, small voice,” directly to Elijah’s heart. That spiritual whisper was more impactful than any physical manifestation. God bless you as you seek the Savior. He will guide your steps, not with a shove, but with a heavenly whisper. It pays to listen. 🙂

    Reply

    • Thanks Thunker! You’re right…that’s such a great example to look to. Thanks for sharing it. A still small voice–that’s what I need to listen for. I appreciate you stopping by. Hugs and love xox

      Reply

  59. Okay, do you had a bright blonde moment ,😊..but I guess it makes sense to meet someone where you wish to live.Now you have me thinking, I’m doing this wrong, I want to live in Germany, so I guess I need to date a German…Now even bigger problem, 😎 I Don’t speak German. Hmmm, wonder if I will have to change my life goal.😉😊…
    Great post…I’m with you on this all the way 🤗🌼🌼

    Reply

  60. I’m just going to reiterate what many have already said on here – so many times it’s when you stop looking that you find. Also, you should be complete in yourself and in your relationship with Jesus. It’s hard – far easier to say it and plan it than to actually execute it – but you will be better that way. And, any future relationship you do have will be that much richer.

    Reply

  61. 💜💙💚💛💗 this!! Especially:

    “I don’t think “looking for” or “seeking out” my future husband is the answer here.

    I should be “seeking” the Lord.

    Not a man. The Man: Jesus.”

    😊 So much wisdom. I enjoy seeing your journey through your blog.

    Reply

  62. Yes He absolutely does have your best interest at heart, and you can absolutely trust Him. I am from Ohio also, but I spent half of my life in the North, and half living in the South. I can tell you, that wherever you are, small towns are all the same. It’s not just Ohio. Ohio people are the best people I have ever met-maybe I’m biased 🙂 But just know that in small towns people run out of things to do and to talk about, so naturally, they end up talking about the only thing left in their minds-typically other people. Especially people that they can’t figure out or don’t really conform. Maybe that’s why you left to move to NY? So my 2 cents, that may not even be worth that amount, is a middle ground might be a large city in Ohio? Or a smaller town in NY? Just throwing a few additional possibilities out there so that you see that you really don’t need to ever get discouraged! God bless!

    Reply

  63. You’re right that the key is seeking THE MAN and the great thing about passionately pursuing Jesus as your main goal is that you are then more likely to attract and meet a guy who is doing this same thing! Praying and believing with you as you continue to trust and stay focused on HIM.

    Reply

  64. I agree that seeking God is what is most important, but have you considered moving to a town close enough to your hometown, where it would be easy to visit home on the weekends, but far enough away that you can get a fresh start, and build a social circle with friends that love you regardless of your past?

    Reply

    • Thanks for this encouragement. You’re right. I’ve got to keep my eyes towards His face. That’s a great thought. Hmm interesting food for thought. Will def ponder that. Thanks again! Hugs and love xox

      Reply

  65. Beautiful post. I always love reading what you have to say. And girl I’m going to the city for the first time at the end of this month. Would love to meet you! I’ll email you my contact info if you’d like

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  66. Hi there,
    I thank you for visiting my blog.
    I hope you have a great advent this year.
    God has blessed you with a great talent for writing!
    from Linda

    Reply

  67. Ohhhh. Reading this gave me knots in my stomach for you. The old phrase, “You can’t go home again.” by Thomas Wolfe is true. Not because physically you can.’t. But you’ll have changed enough that it’s a different person before everyone’s eyes. Memories, rumors, old crushes… they aren’t recollections of the same person once they’ve left and come back. The challenge is not falling back into those same mindsets and behaviors just because other people have been doing the same song and dance since the 90’s. If you want to go home, you can go home. Just make sure you’re expecting to have a different experience. I feel for you. I left home to the big city, too. Fortunately, I found myself. And you clearly have, too. Introduce people to the real you. Not puberty you. No one is the same after high school. And those who are didn’t try.

    Reply

    • Hi Heather, thank you so much for this beautiful insight. You’re right, I am not that girl anymore. And going back now would be a totally different experience. I appreciate your encouragement. hugs xox

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  68. Once again, I simply wish you the best in your journey of faith and thank you very much for sharing because your sincerity and candor promote reflection and prayer. I am praying that God will continue to heal and guide you.

    Reply

  70. Hi Caralyn, once again a good post and I love your d-u-h moment 🙂 But it really isn’t a d-u-h moment. People travel around a lot these days. People move, take new jobs, take new assignments, branch out, redirect….you get the idea. You might be the reason the guy takes the assignment in Circleville for the consultant firm, because he met you and you want to go there. Or you and he might decide that NYC isn’t the place but Minneapolis is, or Chicago.

    The bigger question is whether going back to Ohio means going back to the hometown. My experience (yes, I have experience with small town Ohio!!) is that there are a tremendous number of common factors across the state, and just because you love Krogers (or Big Bear…..now sadly closed) doesn’t mean you have to go to the same town you came from.

    The broader question might be what does God have in mind for your life,what passion you have that you need to plug into His world, and where does THAT take you? And it may take a while. It took me 20 years at this job before I realized that sustainability was my passion, not just a job. For you it might be blogging, writing, or God-only-knows what other work.

    But right you are that you still have a role…so go out and meet people. You could make friends, learn something new and valuable that changes your life, meet a guy…allsorts of things.
    Keep chugging 🙂 xoxo Jeff

    Reply

    • Thanks so much for this, Jeff! Glad you enjoyed my duh moment! haha You’re right, I’ve gotta put myself out there and in play! I guess in terms of Ohio, the only reason I would want to move there would be to be near my family….so moving back to the midwest, but not being near my family…it just doesn’t make a lot of sense to me, I would rather just stay in nYC if I’m not actually going to be moving by them, does that make sense? Because I truly LOVE nyc…i just long to be near my family. Who knows! ((God does! haha)) I’m so glad that you’ve arrived at that passion in your life. God is good! hugs to you xox

      Reply

  71. No lie, that was an enjoyable read. Thanks for your honesty. If I could give you some advice I’d say this:

    God’s Will is not the path you walk, but how you walk the path.

    In other words, God’s Will isn’t what happens to us, but how we respond to what happens. I hope you find a good man, and I know God can bring a man to you from NYC that is open to moving to Ohio. But most importantly, I pray you stay the course and seek God above all else.

    Reply

    • Oh thanks so much! I’m glad you enjoyed the read! And such great advice. Thank you. You’re right. It’s how we walk the path. I’ve never thought of it that way, but so so true. It’s how we respond. Thanks for He prayers! Much appreciated! Hugs and love xox

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  72. Wow talk about totally relatable! My hometown feels very much like this for me. My family is well known. Brothers were star quarterback and point guard. Everybody know everybody’s business and I find it hard to be who I have now become when I go back there. I love how vulnerable you are willing to be and wish you the best with your future hubby 😉 God’s got you! That’s for sure!

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  73. Girl, you are absolutely gorgeous and based on what I’ve read and through your words you are such a wonderful person inside and out. Im sure you will meet THE ONE that’s meant for you in Gods perfect time. 🙂

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  74. Just know it WILL happen, and let the anxiety about it fall away. Keep an open mind. NYC or Ohio – that’s two places, and there’s a whole wide world out there 😉 ! Live each day with joy, follow your passion – it’s attractive, magnetic. Be brave – think outside the box, and allow your life to be an adventure. ‘I alone know the plans I have for you … plans to bring about the future you hope for’ (Jeremiah 29) xxx

    Reply

  75. Sitting in my chair here it’s the first time I had to just sit and PONDER my response to one of your posts. I’m not all warm and fuzzy about everything you described about your hometown and your plans on going there. I agree with someone above who said maybe you could move ‘around’ there? Seems to me that you’ve done so darned well to get to where you are now, what effect will going back to your hometown to coexist with the folks who have stayed on their treadmills their entire lives? And this fixation on finding a man, well, thank God you found your way back to the real truth: sticking and staying with the Lord. He is abundance! He will fulfill you. Seems to me your home is right where your heart is. And, no matter where you go, there you are! Be well my friend. PS: checking out the party list to see potential hunks? barf, lol

    Reply

  76. Moving back to the Midwest is the biggest mistake I’ve ever made in my life so make sure you’re 100% positive before you do the same. The people who stick around have no ambition or dreams for the future making it very difficult to find a significant other. All the good people went… well to NYC. lol

    Reply

  77. I smiled all the way through reading this post! Your story telling skills are awesome. No matter what it is we seek, looking to Jesus is always the best way to wait. I trust your testimony is coming soon and it’ll be splendid to read about it. God bless you dear as you shine your light to encourage others!

    Reply

  82. This is an area I haven’t been successful in until recently, so I’m not sure I’m the one to give you advice. If I knew how to pray my way to a mate or believe God for a mate, it would have happened a lot sooner. However, what stands out to me in this post is you seem to be unclear on whether ultimately you really want to live in your hometown. You like the idea of living near your parents and having children grow up knowing their grandparents, but your relationship with your neighbors would be “complicated.” Understandable, but I think before you can find the right guy, 1) you need to get clear about what you really want for your life. If it is your hometown, then 2) you need to get clear about how to handle people who bring up your past in a tactless way.
    On 2) I would just refer them to this blog and tell them in one sentence what it’s about. So if you meet a guy, you’re clicking, and someone who knows you from high school or college brings up your dreaded “baggage,” just tell them something like “It’s true I struggled with Anorexia years ago, and it almost killed me. But God saved me. Over the years since, he has helped me heal from both the physical damage and the emotional wounds behind my eating disorder. My blog will tell you anything you want to know about it. It’s called Beauty Beyond Bones. You can Google it,” and see how he responds.
    Chances are he run away like you think. And if he does, well, he needed to be eliminated from the selection process anyway.

    Reply

    • Thanks David, for this thoughtful reflection. Wow, I’ve never thought about it like that before…but that’s a really great way to handle people that may be “stuck” in the past. It’s funny, I met a guy just the other day and told him about this blog. I didn’t share the name or anything, but it was helpful to share where my heart is with trying to open a dialogue on tough issues. Thanks for the advice! Grateful for you! Xox

      Reply

      • Thanks, and the line at the end was supposed to say “chances are he WON’T run away.” And you know, brother to sister (in Christ), you haven’t got this yet so I’m gonna say it again: Don’t EVER sell yourself short with a guy because of your past. The struggles you went through and the character and compassion you developed because of it make you more attractive, not less.

  85. Orrrr maybe the men back at your hometown may see you as someone who is strong- a fighter, a lover of life, and for God. I just think that the right man will know that your past anorexia is not a “fall from grace.” Rather a “path to grace.” Look at you now! You inspire people and your experiences is what shaped today. ☺️ hope you had a good time at that mixer! Have a great day!

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  86. Its weird because before I met my wife, I would see nobody around my hometown. I figured there was really nobody there to bother with or who would bother with me. Then, after being solid in my relationship (at the dating stage then) I would see people that I wished I had seen back before. It wasn’t that I really wanted to end up with them. I guess it was just the idea. But all along I’ve known that, just as you said, Jesus directed me with the help of God His Father, to be exactly where I am. I know that doesn’t solve any dilemma for you right now, but I hope it helps. xoxoxoxo <3

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  88. I mean, relevant as in something you and a lot of young Christian women out there could really benefit from, esp. those who’ve been through some trauma or struggled with body image. You seem so approachable and I wanted to offer it to you. Thanks!

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  89. I’m glad that you came up with the conclusion that God will find the right man for you. I think it’s important to remember not to overthink it. You very well could meet a man, fall in love with him and then separate because you want to move to Ohio and he wants to stay in New York. But you really don’t know! Even then, you still will have gained more than you lost.

    Keep enjoying your time in NY thinking of all the things that could go right! 🙂

    Reply

    • Thank you so much for this encouragement! You’re right-I’ve got to trust in His perfect plan and have patience in His timing 🙂 you’re right-I will never know – just gotta take things one day at a time. Hugs and love xox

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  90. That older woman gave you excellent advice. At some point in the not too distant future, you will have to make a choice. Some people choose their path in life by not choosing it. They simply allow time to go by w/ the status quo in place.

    Forgive me, if I am being dense. But I do not see the shame associated w/ anorexia. It is an illness like thousands of others. People suffer from all kinds of things w/ a negative connotation: drug addiction, sexually transmitted disease, bankruptcy, divorce. If there is a stigma associated w/ anorexia, maybe you can play a role in changing that. A number of prostitutes made it into the Bible, as I recall.

    God answered the prayers of those who loved you, and gave you a second chance at life, plus a powerful testimony. You want to hide that light under a bushel? You don’t think maybe there are girls in Ohio suffering from the same problem? Of course, standing in front of a classroom of middle schoolers to share your story would take courage. Chances are it would not be lucrative.

    I don’t claim to know God’s plan for your life. I do know He allows us to make free will choices. By staying in NY, you are making such a choice. That’s all I’m suggesting you recognize.

    I am sure God can find a way to use you wherever you decide to live — married or single.

    Merry Christmas!

    A. <3

    Reply

    • Hi A, wow thank you so much for this powerful perspective. You’re right–we can make a choice by *not* making a choice. My dad calls that “pocket vetoing” by default. It is something that, you’re right–I’m going to have to come face to face with here in a couple years and actually make a decision. But that’s so comforting. God will use us right where are. I fully believe that. He has a good and perfect plan. I trust that. I just need patience. Thanks for the encouragement. Big hugs xox

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  92. Ps 27:14 Wait for the Lord; Be strong and let your heart take courage; Yes, wait for the Lord. I too am waiting for different reasons and yet the same reasons. Keep your eyes “upon Jesus” and be filled with joy and hope. Some very dear friends of mine had the event of their children (living only miles apart) to meet in the mission field of a foreign country. God has his eye upon you and cares for your every need. Love, Sister in Christ

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  93. Caralyn! I found your beautiful, real and raw blog because you kindly liked a post on my brand new infant blog, bodysoulstrength.wordpress.com . Thank you for that. 🙂 Ahhh I wish I had time to read your entire story right now….your honesty is so refreshing in a world that is constantly posting fake perfection. I will be back here and I’m looking forward to reading more of what you’ve written.
    Instead of living in a small town and having a scarlet letter, I live in a massive city but I’ve gone to small churches where everyone has known my painful story. It’s so hard to go back and have everyone feel like they need to remind you of a previous chapter of life that you’d rather just leave in the past because you’ve been healed.
    Your conclusion in this post was so very encouraging…instead of seeking a man or hiding from your past you’re seeking Jesus. I hope you find your man soon….but until then I know that seeking the Lord will bring you more joy than anything else. 🙂 And hey, you just might meet a man in NYC that’s wishing he would meet a gal that wants to move back to Ohio but he thinks that could never happen! God is bigger and has beautiful plans 😉

    Reply

    • Hi Mikayla! Oh my gosh thank you so much for your incredibly kind encouragement! That seriously means so much. You’re right-gotta trust The Man! 🙂 He has a good and perfectly-timed plan. Hugs to you xox

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  94. Well I am sure that “girlboss” was just trying to offer supportive advice, I do not necessarily think it is the only advice to dwell on. Sure, it would be much easier to find a guy from your hometown and settle in the place you are both comfortable, but at the same time, there are SO MANY guys out there that I don’t think you should cut yourself short.
    I am from Illinois, born and raised, but I went to college in Arkansas. During my senior year, I met my boyfriend (soon to be fiancé) who is a native of AR. One of our main concerns (then and now) is where will we live when all is said and done? I stayed here after graduation because, well, I love him and did not want to leave him! And, he tells me all the time that he will follow me anywhere– that where we live doesn’t matter as long as we’re together. Sure, it’s a difficult situation at times, but I will never let it ruin the love we have. It was God’s plan that I fall in love with him… a Yankee girl and a Southern boy 🙂
    So, just go out and have fun– live in the moment! HE will send you the right guy, whether he’s from New York, Ohio, or Australia! And, if he truly loves you, he will stay with you no matter life’s changes!

    Reply

    • Hey there friend! thank you so much for this lovely note of encouragement. Aw, congratulations on such a beautiful love story and *amonst* engagement 🙂 hehe you’re right, God’s got a plan, and I trust that it is good and in perfect time. thanks so much for stopping by! big hugs ox

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  95. Oh wow. Oh wow Oh wow. I absolutely love this! I love your honesty, I love the way you write (and I’m incredibly envious of your life in NYC!) I can’t wait to read more of your story. Xx

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  96. Huzzah for small-town life!
    Err–em–*coughcough*

    I might’ve mentioned that I moved back to my small town at the beginning of this year from an already small town. And it meant leaving a steady (and very positive) job and a perfectly-sized house to come live literally in a cabin in the woods with minimal to zero employment options. It was a bit of a step leap of faith. But I knew it was the right step.

    And if there’s one way I could respond it’s that whatever you do in the months and years and whatever may come ahead, don’t do it unless you know that it’s where Father is leading you. Because sister, if he is taking you there, you can’t fail. Because I don’t mind telling you it was pretty darn scary coming here with no clear way ahead, but He has been nothing short of faithful to us.

    Anyway, I’m going to make this a short one for a change since I don’t have a whole lot of time (and I’m also saving up for when today’s post hits the press 😉 ), so until then, have a lovely day! Happy Monday (:

    Reply

    • Hey Carson! a cabin in the words! that sounds absolutely beautiful, but I’m sure it was quite the change. And what a leap of faith that must have been. Thanks for the encouragement. You’re right – if God is leading me down that path, He will see me through. 🙂 So glad that it’s been a good and positive decision for you!! Hope you’re having a great evening! big big hugs xox

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  97. As a 25yo seminarian find that someone you can connect with can be hard and is still hard work haha. Let me tell you… When people ask, “What do you do/study?” and I respond “I’m a seminary student.” It’s usually a miss not a hit. But hey, gotta be true to who I am, I mean… can’t hide the fact that I’m gonna be a pastor lol.

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    • Hi Casey, thank you so much for this beautiful reflection. That’s so awesome that you’re in the seminary! know that you’re in my prayers 🙂 It’s a bit hit with me!!!! 🙂 hugs xox

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  98. Although my life is much closer to the end than the beginning, I make no claims to wisdom or knowledge. Perhaps we confuse home with geography. Home to me is where my family lives, even if I don’t live there. The lifestyle that we recollect can be recreated even in a NYC by doing what made home special, a local store, favorite restaurant, a Sunday church. If you do the things you like to do, I’m a firm believer that you meet people with similar likes and then you are halfway home.

    Reply

    • Thanks Phil, for this powerful perspective. You’re right, there are lots of different things that make us feel at home. And family is definitely one of those! Glad you stopped by. Hugs and love xox

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  99. BBB, don’t put God in a box. There is nothing too hard for God’s hand and if it is God’s will you will find your “chosen” in Manhattan and he will go and meet your family then think, “You know I could ‘live’ in this beautiful place.” God is so much bigger than we “allow” Him to be. Consider what God has, can, and will do. Joshua was fighting the Amorites but the battle was taking a long time and he asked God that the sun not go down until the battle was won. God did it! I cannot even BEGIN to decipher what God had to do to make that happen. Gideon, another servant of God being unsure of what God wanted of him put out a “fleece” and asked God if this is your choice make the dew be on the ground but not on the fleece. When God did that for him he, still was dragging his feet, put a fleece out again and asked God this time to let there be dew on the fleece and not on the ground, which God did. Our God is awesome in power and deed. There is NOTHING that is beyond God’s ability. Romans 8: verse 28 says, “all things work together for the good of those that love Him and are called according to His purpose.” I definitely believe you are called in what you do. Jeremiah 29 verse 11 says, “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”
    Trust in the Lord and the power of His might. God loves you and you’re the apple of His eye. You are a daughter of the King. Trust in Him and He will care for you!

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  100. „Walking home, I kept replaying that conversation over and over in my head.“

    Why do you replay that conversation in your cute head? 😛

    „Not to get a date, but to just see what was out there. Or rather, see who was out there.“

    Honestly… that’s funny.. This sounds like you’re going to hunt 😀 You say, that it is no secret that home is a very bittersweet place for you… It’s time to let go. The truth is that it doesn’t matter what anyone thinks. Love is the permission to be different. Love means discovering your true self in the face of another person. Love is the invitation to say radically yes to yourself. Love says “let’s be weird together”.

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  103. Hey, who knows, you could end up in a log cabin on the side of a mountain growing veggies, milking goats, and going to the high school football state championship game. Sounds pretty improbable for a guy from pre-Silicone Valley and gal from New England meeting at a retirement party of a mutal friend in Washington, D.C., while that guy lived in NYC (Queens, actually, if you do not consider that you need a passport to take the 7 train out there). Here’s a pick up line for you at the next singles mixer, “Can I see your driver’s license?” Look for those Ohio ID’s.
    Oscar

    Reply

      • Some years ago, an intern at the clinic asked me for some advise on dating. I suggested that he not focus on what the person was like now, but what she might be like in 40 or 50 years. When we pursue someone because of his or her current qualities, we may forget that life experiences refine us. Many marriages progress to separation and divorce because the hot-and-bothered sex appeals wears off, obligations distract the love interest from being #1, financial, career or health issues, and lack of common interest. My recommondation was seek compainship, not passion. If all you have in common is passion, then you will be making drama just to have passion. You will miss out on the many years of holding hands and enjoying memories of a life together. Or, as a Mid-West friend said to her son, “If you don’t like a quality in her now, it’s only going to get worse over time.” There’s Ohio for you. 😉
        Uncle Oscar’s Advice Line

      • What terrific advice. Seek companionship. Hahah Ohio people are seriously the best. So true though, gotta see and think long term. Beauty of the heart lasts. Big hugs xox

  104. First of all, I love your writing style! It’s super relatable + the addition of gifs is a super cool idea. Also, I totally get the whole trying out Bumble thing. Been there, done that. I’ve been really convicted to really trust the Lord and wait on His timing for guys, but it’s definitely super hard. Can’t wait to see what the Lord has in store!

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  105. God is good all the time and if we dig a little in Scriptures we’ll find in 2 Peter 1:3 – His divine power has given us everything we need for a godly life. So.. based on that truth He has prepared for you the man for your happily ever after! God bless you and be encouraged with that thought!

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      • Yes, but sometimes it is scary or disheartening to not see or understand God’s plan and future for us. I guess you would call it practical faith, you believe that God is good, you believe that he has granted everything for us to have a full, joyful and happy life; but taking action Is where faith lies.

  106. I really joy your writing, especially your knack for story telling.

    I hope you keep trusting in God, do the work you need to do to keep your heart open, and keep helping others by sharing your experience of recovery.

    Single and divorced after 3 years of marriage was not in my plans, but God had other plans. But no regrets, because as result I get to grow by being a father to a wonderful 2 year old.

    Your blog helps me think and reflect on how to navigate cultural body image issues as she grows up. I try to affirm her intelligence, kind heart, curiosity, and not just her physical beautiful. 😉 maybe, I am overthinking.

    But anyway, I wish you peace and light in this journey. I will be holding you in the Light (Quaker way of saying I’ll be holding you in prayers), and may God bring someone that you can grow with and journey together to best serve God.

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    • Thanks for the encouragement! You’re right, we may not know the plans God has in store for us, but we can definitely trust that they are good and for our growth and good. It sounds like you’re a great dad. And thanks for the prayers:) merry Christmas! Xox

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  107. I had a plan too, before I got married about how things would unfold, where we would live. What unfolded did not resemble my plan, which was scary. The plan was safety and control. The reality was the unknown, taking chances, considering my husband’s job opportunities and goals, responding to changes in health. With God at the center you will be able to navigate whatever life brings you whether it matches your original plan or not.

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    • Hi Sarah! I appreciate your kind words. Isn’t that so true? When god’s in control we have nothing to fear! And adventures on the horizon. Glad you stopped by! Hugs and love xox

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  108. I pray that God brings the groom He’s prepared for you, for you’re a beautiful woman of God. Keep your eyes on Jesus, gal 👼

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  109. Loving your honesty and vulnerability! And the concept of not sowing in doubt what you’ve planted in faith – brilliantly inspired! Thank you for sharing your heart. Blessings and prayers!

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  110. On some metaphorical level, if you’re going to win the lottery, you have to buy a ticket.

    Nor does it matter which “state” you purchase the ticket, if it’s a winner you can take it wherever you go.

    Just need to make room for the winnings.

    “State” could be geography or mindset.

    Well wishes.

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    • Haha thanks! It was definitely a lot of fun. Didn’t meet any guys but I did make a couple new friends! 🙂 and no worries! Thanks for taking the time to stop by and catch up 😘❤😘❤

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  113. Small town small minds. God is much bigger than that. If it helps Damien Jurado wrote a beautiful song called Ohio. You could listen to it and pine away. I lived on an island during my anorexia so I can relate. God has a great plan!

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    • Thanks so much E. I really appreciate your kind words! oh cool, I’ll have to check that out! I’m sorry that our pasts connect us, but i’m so glad that we’re both living in freedom! God is good! hugs xox

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  114. Love your candor and humor. God is for you and His plans are always greater than you can imagine. One of the keys to this treasure is simple trust. Trust Him to give you your hearts desire. Keep writing!

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  115. I know this is an old post, but having stumbled upon it, figured I’d offer some advice from something I’m going through at the moment. I’m a single mom, and for years I’ve fantasized about how if I could just move home to upstate NY (from Boston and then Barcelona, Spain), life would be so much better. I finally did move back, and it turned out that it wasn’t better. It turned out that I love everything about cities, even raising my kids in cities, and that there’s a reason (many of them, actually) why I left the suburbs to find something different.

    And, also, that yes, it is hard to escape who you were. For me, it was who I was in my family – the black sheep, the flaky one, always changing my mind. My city friends, instead, see me as the adventurer, the free spirit, always trying something new. I think you are right to trust that everything will happen in its own time, but also, trust your heart to love what it loves and that you’ll find a way to make it all work.

    Thanks for your blog and social posts – you are very brave 😘

    Reply

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