Do You Trust Me? 

Oh how my days are different these days.

I’ve always been a bit of a night owl, but nowadays, the nighttime is my own personal retreat. When the whole house is asleep, alarm on, and my darkened room is lit with the glow of my overworked MacBook, I can finally breathe. Reflect. Write. Numb out. It is my respite of quiet. Of solace.

Over the past five weeks since my mom’s stroke, I have definitely walked through a lot of emotions.

They say that there are five stages of grief, but I don’t think I’ve even ever allowed myself to “go there” and entertain that mindset of “grief,” because I have nothing to grieve. I believe that my mom is going to get better. Period. I am clinging to that hope. I am demanding that of God.

But tonight was the first night where I just was … well … I was feeling down tonight. It was a rough evening, and sitting here in the quiet of my bedroom, I let myself feel those feelings that I have been forbidding to cross my mental field since it happened. And I’ll tell you what…it was a pretty sobering experience.

Through all of this, I have so tried not to think about myself. I’ve focused on my mom. My dad. How I can best serve them. How I can update my siblings and keep them in the loop and keep them encouraged.

But tonight. I thought about me.

And I cried. A lot.

It was a mixture of some anger and then just deep sorrow.

I almost couldn’t catch my breath, thinking about how, I am so young. I have so much of my life ahead of me. Life that I need my mom for. Need her guidance. Her wisdom. Advice. Opinions.

There are so many things I wish I could have asked her before this happened, such as, should I wear a veil with my wedding dress? How do you hem a pair of men’s dress pants? How do you work through tough issues in a marriage? What is the proper wine bottle to number-of-party-guests ratio? What are the best memories of her early years of marriage and what does she wish she could have done differently/sooner?

Things that, I fear, she may never be able to fully answer.

And that gave me such deep sorrow. Thinking about all of her incredible wisdom that I could be missing out on if she doesn’t get “better.”

My mom is such a beautiful source of Godly wisdom on how to be a joyful and selfless wife/mother/friend/teacher/encourager/neighbor/person….why didn’t I interrogate her and tape record her answers when I had the chance and she was able to fully express herself?

But what really got to me was thinking about my future wedding someday. And how scared I am that she won’t be able to fully be present. Looking into her eyes in the bridal room before I walk down the aisle and not having the mother I’ve always known whisper the words I need hear in that moment…it kills me.

Crying in the darkness, letting my mind go to these heart wrenching places, I was about ready to just shut my laptop and close my eyes, and succumb to the images in my head. And in that moment, my heart surged with stillness, and I was filled with this overwhelming thought of “Do you trust me?”

I’m not saying I heard the voice of God, but sometimes, a phrase will just pop in my mind out of nowhere, and I am hard pressed to believe that those messages aren’t inspired by the Father.

Do you trust me?

Well, God, if you’re asking and I’m being candid…yes, but right now, I’m having a pretty hard time doing so.

Fear is a pretty strong emotion. It’s the trump card. When fear is present, all bets are off. And I’m going to be honest…if I let my guard down, I become pretty fearful.

Do you trust me?

Yes, Lord, I do.

My mom will get better. I am claiming that. Demanding it of God. But if she doesn’t and this is as far as her recovery is going to go, I know that it will be okay.

God will make it be okay.

God will make it be okay.

God will make me believe it will be okay.

God will make me believe that I will be okay.

Maybe there is something that I’m supposed to be learning in all of this. Maybe there is a greater plan at work, and all this was supposed to get my life or my mom’s life on a different path or trajectory than it had been on. Who knows.

But I do know, that right now, in this very moment, I am being asked to trust Him.

He has never forsaken me. Ever. Nor will He now.

Yes, Lord. I trust You.

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421 responses to “Do You Trust Me? ”

  1. Sending you love sweetie. I don’t know the outcome, but I know either way that he holds you both closely ❤
    Don’t forget to self care. It’s important

  2. You are in my prayers and your family too. You share a powerful testimony which is being formed! Keep talking with God as He wants you to draw near…as close as you can be. Your testimony will touch many hearts! Love n blessings.

  3. Trusting God is an ongoing learning experience as we are asked to trust more and more over things we cannot control. The little things are easy, but the big ones require a real stretching of faith. My prayers are with you.

  4. Years ago my dad had a stroke. He couldn’t speak or write. He was completely incoherent with thought. But he worked hard and with my mom helping him with word and speech exercises he was speaking, writing, and driving 3 1/2 months later. He was 67 years old.
    Healing can start slow but once it begins, with help, the progress can be amazing. God made these bodies wonderfully…healing will happen. Watch God work and remember.

      • He died not too long after this. But that doesn’t discount the amazing healing he experienced. And, he was saved in between the two strokes. My dad had been an alcoholic all his adult life so his body was not in optimal shape. I don’t doubt that your mom can heal and be there completely for your’s and her future ahead.
        Dad’s recovery was amazing and it showed God at work in various ways.

      • Wow, what an incredible thing that he came to know the Lord in all of that. God is good. And you’re right, He really is always at work and will work all things for His good.

  5. Your post brings to mind Romans 5:1-5.

    You and your mother have been in my prayers these last few weeks; I so hope that all things work out and that God blesses you both.

  6. Phil 4:4-7 says-Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
    Romans 5:1-5 says-Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And web boast in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.
    James 1:2-4 says-Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.
    1 Peter 4:12-13 says-Dear friends, do not be surprised at the fiery ordeal that has come on you to test you, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice inasmuch as you participate in the sufferings of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed when his glory is revealed.

    You must persevere my Sister. God has plans for you and in order for you to receive your commission your faith must be tested and deemed worthy of the call. Does that mean that you do not care for and hurt for those that we love in our flesh; certainly not, but God wants to see if you still will stand in the face of seemingly insurmountable mountains. Matthew 6:33 says “seek first the Kingdom of Heaven, and His righteousness, and all else will be given to you as well. I am not suggesting that you stop caring. I am suggesting that you keep trusting God. If you focus on your troubles, then trouble is all you will see. If you focus on God, then God is all you will see. Basically, what you see is what you will get. Keep your eyes on the prize.

    My prayers are with you to be strong in your test. God knows your Mom and He will never leave her nor forsake her. TRUST and BELIEVE!

  7. A few thoughts. Please remember that God didn’t cause your mom’s stroke. This isn’t a test. Bad stuff happens in this fallen world, but it’s not God’s own hand doing it.
    Second, remember Daniel 3:16-18. The Jews trusted in God that He would protect them, but they also knew that He may not. In either case, they did not abandon their faith.

  8. Dearest BBB,
    I appreciate your transparency. Your anger is real, the Lord hears. Your emotion is real, the Lord comforts you. Your tears are real, the Lord dries them. Your fear is real, the Lord restores you. Jesus experienced emotional overwhelm while praying in the Garden of Gethsemane. Jesus experience anger in the temple clearing out the money-changers. Jesus wept. Jesus was grieved. Everything we feel, He has felt. There is no shame in experiencing grief. Its when we are weak, He is our strength. The question: Do you Trust me? Is a reminder that you can. Pray with anticipation. I will do the same for you.

    • This is such a comforting note. Thank you so much. You’re right, I think the Lord allows us to feel feelings, so we should acknowledge them! Amen to that – pray with anticipation. And thank you for your prayers 🙂 it means the world. hugs xox

  9. You have amazing faith. As I was reading this, I am reminded that I have never really grieved the loss of my sister to suicide. But more to your Mother, She is a part of you and maybe you’re familiar with “The Promises” they have manifested themselves in my life, but the “we will intuitively know how to handle situations that use to baffle us” I’m sure that is God working and being called upon in our darkest and more vulnerable moments. Thank You!

  10. Praying for you always, Caralyn. You’re an amazing daughter. Be strong, and keep fighting the good fight. You’re not alone either….don’t forget to connect with your brothers & sisters in Christ, as this is what we’re here for. Trust in God, trusting His people….trust is so hard. It hurts more than the problem at first, in my opinion. What I’ve learned is that the more you trust God, the closer you get to Him…the more you see. It’s terrifying, humbling, and joy all wrapped in one. Just keep going, five minutes at a time.

    • Thank you so much for your prayers and kindness and support. it truly means the world. You’re so right – He is close to me in this season for sure. thanks for that beautiful reminder. hugs xox

  11. Wow. Such beautiful, honest words. Learning to trust God – to really trust Him – is probably the hardest (and most important) thing we need to do in our relationship with Him. I’m so glad to hear you’re on this journey of trusting Him more and more, in the midst of this time of suffering, pain, and confusion. What an incredible example of trust you have. Thank you for these words.

    An encouragement, or rather, more of a challenge: trust that God did speak to you, my friend. And does. Don’t be afraid to claim that, because it’s true. He would be a pretty crappy Father if He didn’t speak to His children, eh? But He’s perfect. And loves to talk to you, His beloved daughter. Trust that voice, and that it is the voice of Love.

    God bless you; grace and peace to you, my friend.
    -Cody Wilkinson

    • Thanks so much Cody. I so appreciate the prayers. haha a pretty crappy father, that made me chuckle 🙂 But it’s true, I will claim that for sure! And trust in His goodness and mercy. Thanks for the encouragement and for making me smile. big hugs xox

  12. And remember when you’re fearful: perfect love casts out all fear. Father’s love casts out fear, Father’s love in and through you casts out fear, and Father’s love in and through your mother–and the rest of your family casts. out. fear. So as you’re walking through this (and the rest of your family is walking through this) the more you source from Father’s love, the less and less fear will have its trump on you, the more and more that love will be able to emmanate from you to the rest of your family too. Because the truth is, love, and a little bit of time, can heal any wound. You look up to your mother’s wisdom and this time is only adding more and more to that library of life experience for her–and for you, who one day may have someone else to pass it on down to–and when this life here is just a drop in the bucket of eternity? Nothing is lost in the love of Father (:

    • Thanks so much Carson. Amen to that – it really does cast out all fear. That is what I will be clinging to: His love. Every day. Every moment. And that is so true – this life really is a drop in the bucket, and we will all be reunited with loved ones in eternity one day. There is such comfort in that. hugs to you xox

  13. Hugs and prayers! It’s strange how we’re both walking down difficult caregiver paths right now. I’m so sorry about your Mom, and, yes, trust. “Courage, dear heart.” Psalm 31:24

  14. Faith isn’t the absence of doubt–faith is the willingness to challenge and take on doubt. My prayers continue to be for you, your mom, and your family. You made a healthy step by releasing all of that which you have been hiding. And His voice to you, count on it! Thank you for sharing.

  15. This was a great post and I definitely needed it because I just had a moment like this as well. “If he brings you to it, he will bring you through it.”

  16. As you pose your questions that you wish you could ask your mother, you showed the answer to all of them. I wonder if you saw that.

    “My mom is such a beautiful source of Godly wisdom on how to be a joyful and selfless wife/mother/friend/teacher/encourager/neighbor/person….”

    There’s your answer. Just live the qualities you so admire in her. Knowing her answers to your questions is not the solution. Knowing and adopting the qualities she possesses to live her life so well will equip you to answer your own questions when life asks them.

    After that, your faith, your trust will answer everything else that needs answering. Because it will invite more words that appear to you, being a child of The Most High who seeks His Ways. And, for the times when those messages don’t come when you want them to…

    “And straightway the father of the child cried out, and said with tears, Lord, I believe; help thou mine unbelief.” Mark 9:24

    • Lord, I believe; help thou mine unbelief. Wow, what a powerful verse. I had forgotten about that little gem. Such power in such a short sentence. But my goodness, Jeff, what an incredibly insightful response. You’re so right – I have been receiving the answers to all of my questions every single day of my life, being her daughter, watching her interact, hearing her words, seeing the decisions she made and didn’t make. I need to follow in her footsteps. I’ve never looked at it like that before, but you are spot on. Thank you 🙂 I’m sorry that there is no patreon yet. My siblings are in coming in town tomorrow and i was preparing the house for company….I was at the grocery for nearly 2 hours when all was said and done! haha But it will be up tomorrow 🙂 Thanks for being such a great friend and encourager. 🙂 hope things are well on your end! hugs to you and julie! xox

      • All is well here. No worries about Patreon. I’m just glad that you are having family in, having that time together. Enjoy your weekend. Hugs and love to you and yours!

      • Yeah, it really is so good to be together. My mom is the heart of our family. Truly. She is part of us and we, her. We all want to be there for one another. I am so grateful for my family. I fully appreciate that not everyone is lucky to have an intact family where people actually like one another. I don’t know what I did to deserve it, but I’m just going to be grateful for it. Sending big hugs xox

      • I hope your Mom gets better. It’s always unsettling to see someone who has been your Rock. My Dad has dementia. They call this the long goodbye. No one knows how to cure it. I came home to enjoy every moment I have left. Things will be as they are meant to be. Love your Mom. Spend every moment you can. Do all you can do. In the end, God loves. God loves because that is God’s nature. Sometimes the very human definition is what hangs us up. Love without expectation, condition, or anything else. Just love. That’s all we’re here to learn.

      • Thanks again, Dave. Oh gosh, I am so sorry to hear that about your dad. gosh that just breaks my heart. I will definitely keep you and him and your family in my thoughts and prayers. Yes, I am definitely cherishing my time with her 🙂 amen to that — just love xo

  17. Thank you for sharing this look into your soul. You are an amazingly beautiful woman. I am sure that God has great plans for you.

    It is OK to grieve for your mother’s loss, for your loss. People find it hard to believe that God still cares when things are going terribly wrong. But remember, Jesus was nailed to a cross. What parent would allow their son to be nailed to a tree, to suffer horribly and die in the most dishonorable fashion known to society for another person? Not a human, only God could do this. God’s thoughts are not our thoughts and His ways are not our ways. He is more concerned about where we spend eternity than how we live or die on earth. Our life here is but a breath, but a blink of the eye compared to eternity. The suffering we endure here is very, very temporary compare to infinity, eternity. God is more concerned with our eternal life than our moment here on earth.

    This does not meant that our God is heartless and uncaring. Remember the shortest verser in the Bible: Jesus wept. Jesus wept because he was fully human and understood our human grief. He was saddened unto tears at his friends Lazarus’s death. He was also fully God and in a moment would raise Lazarus from the dead because God would be glorified by this miracle.

    I think with all my heart (think about that statement) that Jesus feels your pain and he weeps at your loss. I pray that your mother recovers; but, if she does not, remember that there are many women who never knew their mothers. Look at your glass as half full not half empty. Thank God for the time you had with your mother in health and the time you have with her in her diminished capacity.

    May God’s Peace be upon you as you go through this difficult time.

    • Thank you so much for your kind words and prayers. It truly means the world. You’re so right – I should see it half full for sure. Because it’s true – Jesus died on the cross and endured so much agony for you and I and all of us. That’s the extent of His love. I needed to hear this tonight. thanks again. big big hugs xox

  18. I am keeping both you and your mother lifted in prayer. Your continued endurance and pressing in through this is inspiring thank you for sharing. You are being fruitful through the frustration.

  19. Hi! As I look at your picture above, and read your words, they transport me back several years to when I was watching over my husband as he slowly lost his fight to cancer. Night time was my respite as well. The time that I wrote on CaringBridge (an excellent way to journal and keep family and friends in touch so you don’t have to repeat yourself forever), and time to just relax and do something “fun”. I often felt guilty, as this meant my sweet husband went to bed alone; but I was not only with him every moment he was home from work, but also caring for our very frightened, angry teen aged son with autism, and I needed alone time to catch myself and Jesus.

    During those times, if I thought too far ahead, and anxiety began to pulse through my body, the Lord would remind me of something my pastor said when we began the worst of his cancer treatments, “God only gives grace for today. Never tomorrow. Tomorrow’s grace must wait until it is today.” Those words always reminded me that if tomorrow became to frightening, I could hold off on thinking about it until it was today. My pastor was right – when tomorrow became today, there was always sufficient grace. God’s presence was tangible. And yes, he did speak, not audibly, but very clearly in those quiet thoughts, and encompassing presence. My senior pastor’s wife, who’s going through a similar situation said it well, “God’s presence is truly there. Felt.” He is so faithful.

    Thank you for keeping us posted dear lady. I will continue to pray. God bless.

    • Hi Robin, thank you so much for sharing your story. I am so sorry for your loss. that just breaks my heart. But that is such great perspective : God only gives grace for today. It’s true, He gets us through in that moment. He always does. I’m so glad you also know the comfort of writing. Thanks again for your kind words and encouragement. And for your continued prayers. It truly means the world. Sending the biggest hugs your way. xox

  20. Peter trusted Jesus but probably much more as Jesus reached into the water to hold him up. We trust because of our focus not because we reach a place of comfort. You do trust despite your doubts. Good job. Proof of your confidence in the faith God has grown in you. Oh and another great post. Thanks. John

    • Thank you so much for this powerful perspective, John. You’re right – Jesus holds us up when we are drowning. What a beautiful thing. Thanks for your kind and encouraging words. Grateful for you 🙂 xox

  21. So sorry to hear about your Mom! (I’ve been away from reading/writing due to more of my own health issues.) I am very close to my Mom as well and she too has been very ill, so I understand that bond. But, this topic of trust constantly stretches my faith. It’s hard to be stretched in our faith, isn’t it? Tragedy, deep struggle, fear…it has tested my faith more these last 8 yrs. than ever. (Mainly, I because I had/have had no control…yeah, blindly trusting has been the hardest test of my faith. I’m constantly being presented with, “How deep is my faith if I can’t trust Him (blindly) in the hardest of times.” It’s really messed with me. I don’t like being stretched. :/ Blessings to you and your family!

  22. I think you write beautifully and I love how vulnerable you are in your writing. I’ve been away for a while but opened up my email and saw this post. I’m sorry about your mom. God knows your pain and He will see you through. He loves you…and your mom. When you say that you’re “demanding of God” that she gets better…it sounds kinda weird to me so I thought I’d share this with you…

    God loves your mom and He didn’t bring this sickness (stroke) to her. He wants nothing more than for her to be healed. Sickness and disease are always from the enemy and a result of our fallen nature. But if Jesus were “in the flesh” here, walking the earth today and you said, “Lord, heal my mom!” He’d of course say, “YES! Be healed.” The thing is, it is Christ IN US…the hope of glory. Christ has sent His Holy Spirit to dwell in us. The same Spirit that raised Christ from the dead lives in us…and we are called to do that now. He said He had to go but He left us with this command…

    Mark 16:17-18New King James Version (NKJV)

    17 And these signs will follow those who believe: In My name they will cast out demons; they will speak with new tongues; 18 they[a] will take up serpents; and if they drink anything deadly, it will by no means hurt them; they will lay hands on the sick, and they will recover.”

    Here’s a suggestion, pray over your momma. Lay your hands on her and tell the enemy he has no place in her. She is a beautiful child of God and by His stripes she is healed. Then YOU command her to “Be healed!” In the name of Jesus.

    There’s lots of preachers who teach on this subject and they say we’ve got it all wrong. We have to stop speaking to God about our problem and start speaking to our problem about how great our God is.

    Prayers of healing, restoration and peace for you and your family right now. Thank you Lord that You and You alone are mighty to save. Thank You that when we believe, we can move mountains. Thank you that Your word says that we are to have no anxiety at all…Philippians 4:6-7
    6 Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; 7 and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.


    • Thank you so much for this thoughtful response, Jackie. It truly means the world. Those are some powerful scripture verses, thank you for sharing. And you’re so right — God didn’t bring this on to her. And amen amen amen : By His stripes, we ARE healed! I will definitely give that a shot. Thank you for your loving and kind words, and for your prayers. it truly means the world. big big hugs xox

  23. I’m sure that was tough to write but it was inspired and beautifully written. Thanks for the reminder that we can conquer fear by trusting in God. Prayers for you and your family.

  24. So sorry to see that you’re going through this. Words aren’t going to take away the fear and sadness, but at least you know that there are many souls who are holding your hands throughout this experience. I will say as someone who lost my dad when I was 28, it made my relationship with my mom much closer since it forced me to not take for granted what I had in my parents. Perhaps you will have the same experience with your dad, and continue to grow your relationship as you both Igor through this. And when your mom gets better, perhaps your relationship will take new directions as well! Praying for you and her to get that chance!

    • Thank you so much for your encouraging words and prayers. Gosh, I am so sorry to hear that you lost your father at such a young age. That just breaks my heart. I am sending you the biggest hug through the screen right now. Yes, I am so grateful for the love and support on here. It is truly incredible and I am so very thankful. That’s so true – I definitely don’t take *anything* for granted any more. It sounds like you have a lot of wisdom. And how great to know that we will all be reunited with our loved ones one day 🙂 thanks again, friend. hugs xox

  25. When I read the title I said, “NO! People from Pittsburgh are taught NEVER to trust people from Ohio!”

    I agree Caralyn, you are learning from your Mom and learning about yourself in a new, scary way.

    If we do not trust in God, then we have nothing at all.
    – Larry

    • hahahaha oh my gosh Larry, that is hysterical. Yeah, I was also taught never to trust anyone who roots for Roethlisberger! 🙂 haha jk jk Thank you for your kind words and encouragement. hugs xox

  26. I didn’t know about your Mom’s stroke. I’m so sorry. This post is beautiful. All those deep dark questions… and allowing yourself to go there. Hugs! xx

  27. Beauty,
    God is working in your life, I can see the growth in you already, even though I’ve only been reading your blog a short time. Remember that we are all eternal beings, living for a short time in these temporary homes that we call our bodies. Such glory awaits all of us who know and love God.
    And God was not taken by surprise by your mother’s stroke. He didn’t say, “Oh, my, I didn’t see that coming” as He slapped His forehead. God’s deepest desire is not for long life for us, but for life that continues to conform more and more to his image. Praise God your mom knows the Savior and you will be with her for all eternity.

    You are in my prayers.

    • Thanks so much for your prayers and kind words. I do believe He is at work in my life and that He’ll have me end up where I’m supposed to be. Amen to that – the Kingdom is to come 🙂 yes, my mom is incredible. thanks for stopping by. hugs xox

  28. I’m sorry I didn’t realize your mom had a stroke. I would have prayed for her and for you and your family. I’m glad you have lots of support online and in the real world and in the heavenly realm. Be blessed and may God restore what the canker has stolen. Amen.

    • Hi Constane, thank you so much for your kind words. Yeah, she had a stroke a couple days after christmas. Thank you, you’re sweet to say that. Yeah, it’s been really incredible how wonderful people have bene 🙂 Thank you for your prayers. big hugs to you xox

      • You’re welcome. Thanks for the hugs. A lot going on, so I appreciate the thought. 🙂 Big hugs to you, too. My uncle had a stroke and he learned to adapt and then to communicate in his own way. He liked to tease the ones he loved which I don’t remember seeing that in him before the stroke. It was cute.

      • Aw, your uncle sounds like an incredible person. I’m sorry that he had that happen to him. I’m glad that he found his own way. Will be keeping you and yours in my heart and prayers xox

      • Thank you. He’s up with Jesus now, no more scooter for him or exercises to strengthen his body. He lived quite a while after the stroke and my aunt appreciated having him for that long. I’ll be praying for your mom and your family. An author I’ve met wrote a book called, With Each Passing Moment: Help and Hope for Caregivers. Her name is Shirley E. Leonard. I bought the book for my sister-in-law, but I never read it. God bless.

  29. Hugs to you, kiddo. I don’t “denominate’”myself but I know there is a Spirit that moves through all things. At all times. This is terribly hard, what you’re experiencing now, but..the LOVE is what matters. Clearly that is there. So all is well, even when it doesn’t look so much like it. Don’t worry about the how, you’ve got the What.

  30. In our weakest and barest moments, when we are ripped and rid of all we could be otherwise chasing, when all we may have is that darkness and stillness, we still have an option. Get very scared the end is nigh at hand, or Trust in our Almighty Father that all nights definitely turn into day. Some even have such rainbows your gratitude tank starts to overflow. Dear princess, no joke am going through similar moment and I have 3 boys the Lord entrusted me with. I write this to you as guided by my spirit. Keep getting ready, one day and hopefully in the near future, your tests will become one big testimony. One very VIP chapter in that book you have been thinking much of lately. Shalom

    • Hi Marie, thank you so much for this. that’s so true, We do still have an option — to trust Him. thanks for the encouragement 🙂 a VIP chapter, I like that. Thinking and praying for you and your boys. big hugs xox

  31. I love all the comments on this thread, but there is one particular comment that I hope you could pay attention to– from jackie1227. She is so right. I myself have seen with my own eyes a lot of people healed- from cancer, pneumonia, deafness, blindness, etc. We were meant to live in the supernatural because our God is a God of the supernatural. You have the authority as a child of the King of Kings to remove sicknesses, demonic oppression, and every evil thing caused by the enemy. Faith is the currency of heaven, and that’s what we need to experience the miraculous. Step out in faith now and fight in the spirit. Jesus has conquered sickness and disease on the cross. Declare healing for your mom now in His powerful Name.

    • Thank you so much Carol. I know, I am so touched by the love and encouragement. I seriously feel so blessed. Ament to that – let’s step out in faith. I will definitely give that a try! because God is good! hugs xox

  32. This post made me tear up so much because my heart is feeling for you. I love my mom so much, and I can tell that you love yours. God did speak to you, and He has great plans for you. 💕Trust Him. I am praying for healing for your mom in the name of Jesus!

  33. Yup, fighting the tears. C, I know what its like to struggle in trusting the Lord, I recently had some heartbreak that made it very difficult to do so but thank goodness, His faithfulness isn’t dependent on us! 😀 You’re such a strong woman of God, able to walk roads no one else can walk and still praise the Lord. Prayers and love from SA, Tom 🙂

    • Aw, Tom, thank you so much. I’m sorry that you’ve had to go through some heartbreak. But you’re right, His faithfulness is a constant. Thanks for the encouragement and prayers. I am very grateful. Big hugs xo

  34. I didn’t read all of the comments, so not sure if anyone mentioned this- but in one of my recovery classes we had a stand in leader and the topic was grief. Grieving can be about many, many things. Loss of a lifestyle (for example, I grieved the loss of my dysfunctional lifestyle for awhile while trying to grasp a healthier one), moving to a new location, having your life changed by someone being ill, even. She drew a diagram and it is a curve- like a downward slant, bottom, then slanting upwards again. I wish I could remember all of the phases in it, but I do know one thing she said is very helpful is having a brother or sister in Christ walk with you through the phases. Basically, you went down the slant and you need to get back up it, and it’s a struggle. Maybe I’m way off base, but I know that it definitely isn’t always about the loss of a person- it’s about loss period- loss of what you previously knew life to be perhaps, and the person your knew your mom to be. Just a thought. xoxo -Praying for your mom’s full recovery.

  35. Trusting God. Trusting life. Trusting self. Trusting others. It is so hard to trust in that which we don’t understand. That is why trust and faith go together. And hope. And love. God bless you in your adversity. You will emerge, and be brighter for it.

  36. Here’s a promise that you can claim, from the very mouth of God:

    “For I [fully] satisfy the weary soul, and I replenish every languishing and sorrowful person.”
    ‭‭- Jeremiah‬ ‭31:25‬ ‭(AMP‬‬)

    It sounds like you’re really going through a difficult season. The Lord sees your sorrow and your weariness, and He promises to be present with you as you work through this painful time. I admire your faith, and believe that the Lord will honor you for the way that you have so lovingly come alongside your mom at this time. Keep trusting Him – even (especially?) when it’s hard to do so.

    • Oh that is so comforting. Thank you so much for sharing that verse. There is such comfort in His word. Thanks so much for you kind words and encouragement. Yes, I feel Him by my side during this difficult time. big hugs xox

  37. Feeling for you so much right now. 2 years ago my mum had a stroke which severely affected her vision and planning skills. She loves to cook and is an incredibly organised person so this was a huge, and scary blow for her. I wanted to offer you some words of encouragement – firstly a LOT of healing and change can happen in these early months after a stroke. In the first few weeks after hospital, my mum was missing everything on the right hand side of her vision, so much that she would even leave half a plate of food, or bump into a cupboard door on her right that she had just opened. Texting was almost impossible and reading was a huge struggle. It was devastating seeing her so impaired. Imperceptibly, her vision started to improve and 1 year on her brain has made massive adjustments so that her impairments are hardly noticeable. She is no longer able to drive, but can do all the other things she used to love around the home. Be encouraged, God has designed incredible healing power within our very bodies, and the brain has this wonderful ability to rewire using different pathways, with practice. Will your mom have any speech & language therapy? I trained as a speech therapist and so can point you to some good online resources if you would like that?

    I am glad that for this first time you were able to really grieve, and cry out to God for those future dreams you have with your mom. He knows your heart, and I truly believe there will be a way for your mom to share her wisdom with you for your wedding, your marriage, your future. It may not look like you expected, but there will be a way. Sending heartfelt prayers x Toast x

    • Thank you so much for this incredibly encouraging note. I am so grateful. And wow, how great that your mom improved so much! I’m so very sorry that that happened to her, but how terrific that she’s doing so much better. you’re right, He gave our bodies healing power! Yes, she’s gong twice a week 🙂 Thank you so much for your kindness and support and prayers. It truly means the world, Toast. big hugs xox

  38. Zen story: Good and Bad situation.
    There was once a farmer who owned a beautiful horse. One day the horse ran off and was never found. All the towns people said, “Oh, how horrible.”
    The farmer only said, “Maybe.”

    Two days later the horse returned, but brought with it 7 more beautiful horses. The towns people said to the farmer, “ wonderful.”
    The farmer replied, “Maybe?”

    One day the farmers son was training one of the horses and fell off and broke his leg and was in much pain. The towns people cried to the farmer, “ terrible.”
    The farmer only said, “Maybe?”

    The country was engaged in a war and the army came to the farm to enlist the farmers young son to bring him off to war, but saw that the son had a broken leg. They passed him by. The towns people cheered, “Ahh…wonderful.”
    The farmer only said, “Maybe?”

    Hope your mother returns to good health. Sorry to hear of her illness!

  39. The thing I have found so hard in this season of grief our family is walking through is accepting that a miracle did not happen even when we payed in faith, in the name of Jesus. Jesus has overcome death and is victorious and yet we live for the moment in a broken world. Not everyone is healed, we all have to leave this world sooner or later. I hear your pain, and grief over what may never come to pass in your future relationship with your Mum. But I know God is a loving father, He desires to give His children good things, He is faithful, Jesus knows your every pain and has walked the path before you. Even when things don’t turn out the way we expect, He will walk with you through the valley. Take heart, you are not alone. He will give you the strength and comfort you need.

    • That so true. But you’re right – He does desire to give us good things even if we don’t understand the whole process. thanks for your kind words and support. big big hugs xox

  40. I fully believe that God speaks to us. It could be through His word, thoughts, and through others. Don’t second guess it. In a discipleship class I took, the question was asked- how do you know when God has spoken to you? The teacher replied, “if it’s something smarter than you would have come up with on your own.” – Don’t second guess it, just thank Him for meeting you in that moment.
    God is good. He works all things out for His glory. This most likely won’t just be a story for your mom to speak of, but for you as well.
    Praying for you today!

  41. You ARE learning. And growing. I don’t know the details of your mother’s condition, but many I’ve known who’ve had strokes say that they never lost the ability to hear and take life in. They just couldn’t complete the circuit and communicate. If I were you and didn’t know any different, I would presume that was my mother’s state.

    You only have one mother and your grief for her loss and yours (and everyone else’s) is very healthy even though it feels like crap. And stick to your faith for her complete recovery – I’m praying you even get a GIFT of faith to believe (that is, a special assurance and steadfastness that it will be so).

    You should probably know too that God does send surrogate parents into our lives if we’re open to it. NOT the same as our family of origin, but they can fill in a lot of the gaps. We just have to allow trust and love to grow with those of the older generation. Lots of wisdom and guidance there.

    But you will be fine. Everyone who prays is praying and God is faithful and worthy of trust.

    Keep writing; it’s beautiful.

    • Thank you so much for your kind and encouraging words. It truly means so so much. That’s true, God brings people into our lives for a reason. Sometimes just for a season, but I fully believe that we are all in this together, and some people are brought together for a divine purpose. Thanks for your prayers. So much. You are a blessing to me 🙂 big hugs xox

  42. you are such a beautiful writer! I am still praying for your family, and for you! for strength and hope. put it all in God’s Hands- when feeling overwhelmed. My mom always says “God’s got it” XX

    • Oh, thank you so much. That’s really kind of you to say. And thank you for your continued prayers. that truly means so much. Yes, gotta just hand it over. I like your mom’s saying 🙂 big hugs xox

  43. God does asks the most intriguing questions!
    They take a lifetime to answer.
    I will remember this question along with your context.
    Delighted to pray for you and yours

  44. The other night the lady that preoccupied my mind for a number of months had just shut me down without a word. Blocked me of her social media account and Skype. I couldn’t even ask her why. I have no clue. I’m left with a lot of questions in mind. I was asking myself a lot of questions, tracing every conversartion, every moment spent with her. I cried honestly. That’s why I was moved with the way you describe your situation that evening. It was dark in my room, too, all I have is her image on my laptop. There was darkness in my heart. I am not angry. I just want to know Why. Until now I am expecting, hoping, at least, just a word. Is it really that hard to say “Goodbye?”

  45. It may not feel like it, but it seems you have dealing with the stages of grief–at least denial, anger and bargaining. Perhaps there are bits of depression and acceptance in the mix. I hold you and your family in prayer. You are a gift to your family for moving home during this time; I hope you can hear your parents and God say how pleased they are with you.

    • Thank you so much, Madeline, for your prayers. That seriously means so much. I think you’re right – there’s a mix of everything in my spirit right now. But it’s true, it’s a comfort to all be together for each other during this difficult time. My mom is truly the heartbeat – the life blood – of our family. And so none of us want to be alone in this. Because we are a part of her, and she is a part of us. Thanks for your encouraging words and kindness. hugs xox

  46. Someone once told me that God doesn’t reveal the future because if we could see it, we’d be paralyzed. But He never leaves us and always gives us what we need so we can move forward to meet that future. He doesn’t want us to dwell in the past either, so He helps us hold onto the things past that we need to live in the present.

    I still try to remember that when I wonder how my life will be or wish I knew how _____ would handle something. God knows what we need and when we need it, so learning to trust that is huge…

    Continued prayers for you and your family…

    • Wow, what a powerful quote. You’re right, I think God reveals His plan to us along the way, as we are ready to receive it. Amen to that, He never leaves us. What a comfort that is. We’ve just got to trust in His goodness. Thanks for your continued prayers. that truly means the world. hugs xox

  47. I feel somehow that we are like soul sisters, our souls forever intertwined by our mirrored lives. When I first heard about dads’ stage 4 cancer I cried. When I heard that he would be going into hospice I cried even harder. The only solace I had then was knowing he would be receiving treatment in his home. You know the story. It hurts. It hurts so very much. That was my first stage of grieving. Like you I was angry. You have already gone through the first two stages of grief. Hang in there. Talk to your mom. I don’t know how bad her stroke was. My grandmother had several strokes before she passed away from stage 4 cancer. She communicated fine and spoke the best that she could. She was hard to understand most of the time. We held her hand and talked to her. I made her laugh by telling jokes. I too wish that I had talked to my grandparents and father more. When we are young we tend to focus on our own lives. You still have time. If she can’t talk, can she write words for you? Hang in there and in the meantime I will continue to follow your post and listen.

    • Hi Teresa! Oh soul sister, I am so sorry that you are having to walk that difficult road with your father. It sounds like you have gained some powerful wisdom along the way. Yes, she is able to communicate, but her memory is still significantly impaired, and she’s having some word recollection issues. But she is getting better everyday. And every day I am clinging to the hope that she will be restored. Praise God that her body is 100%. Thanks again for the support. big hugs xox

  48. JMJ
    Dear child of the Lord,
    In your prayers beg the Lord to increase your trust in Him. If you would be willing in a private message to give me your address I would like to send you a holy card. St. Louis Guanella was canonized as a result of a miracle that was achieved through his intercession of a young man who suffered a brain injury. This young man happened to be in Pennsylvania, but miracles could happen anywhere. You may email me at if you would like me to send you a holy card with relic.
    In the meantime, know that all of your followers, including myself love you and continue to pray for you.

    • Thank you so much for this thoughtful response. Yes, i need to pray for that trusting in my spirit. Wow what an incredible life St. Louis Guanella lived. That’s so very kind of you. I’m in the process of getting a PO Box, and as soon as I do, I’ll send you the address. Thank you again for the prayers and support. it means a lot. hugs xox

  49. Thanks again for another moving post. I can identify with what you are going through. l lost my wife to cancer 6 years ago and my children were only teenagers at the time. At each significant events, especially graduations, we all still feel the loss as we know their Mom would have been so proud. Now my eldest daughter is pregnant her Moms absence is even more poignant. I pray for your Mom to pull through so she can be there for you but rest assured, if it is time for her to be called heavenward, even though it will be incredibly hard for you and your family, you will get through as I know from personal experience that resting in our heavenly Fathers arms gives us a supernatural strength that helps us endure.

    • Oh Malcolm, I am so sorry for your loss. That is so tragic. I cannot imagine the pain of losing your soulmate. My heart goes out to your daughter during this time when she’s looking for her mom. Thank you for your prayers. I will definitely keep you and your family in mine as well. Amen – we are safe in His arms. Thanks again for this beautiful encouragement. sending massive hugs xox

  50. Maybe God just wants you to be present right now. I can’t relate to the stroke part, but I can relate to grieving for a parent who is still alive…my dad had Alzheimer’s for the last 15 years of his life. And it was really hard to watch. He was my hero (still is), and it was so hard not to be able to communicate with him. But I believe on some level, they know. I wished I’d asked him more questions too. I think you’re exactly where God wants you to be. And it’s okay to have those breakdowns…you’re human. It sounds like you’ve had a good relationship with your mom, and I think she feels that love somewhere inside, even though she can’t express it. Think how hard it would be if you didn’t have your faith. Sending prayers your way.

    • Hi Lisa, thank you so much for your prayers and support. you’re so right – perhaps this is a season where Jesus is drawing me near to Him, and wants me to be in the moment right here right now. Oh, I am so sorry to hear that about your father. that is so hard. I hear that – they are always our heroes. He’s lucky to have such a wonderful daughter. You’re right – they know. and when we are all united in Heaven in the future, I believe that he’ll be able to express his gratitude and love for the faithfulness and kindness you are showing right now. Thanks again for your kind words and prayers. hugs xox

  51. Part of apologetics is answering questions people have about God and tough spiritual questions. I remember facing these tough circumstances in my own life, and feeling similar. Needing to know that either way it went, I was with God. Even when it rains on believers… but it is a hard thing to do with so much at stake. I commend you for your strength in Him.

    • Hi JR, thank you so much for this thoughtful response. you’re right, God is always with us. Even in the hard times when we find it hard to see. He is there. thanks for the encouragement. hugs xo

  52. dear friend,

    sometimes we feel all kind of weather in us, not only sunshine, but the rain is there to give water to the plants in order to make them bloom, so even rainy days can give water to the soul – how could we appreciate the day if there would not be the night and vise versa? all these things belong to life, they widen our horizon even when sometimes there is pain and sadness. like clouds passing they move away and give again space for the sun – this weather in us: storm, sunshine, snow, rain, the seasons – are all part of us, they belong to our human mind. in case we can accept it we can learn from it and bring an overall sunshine in our hearts, then we will be a rock in the stormy sea of our life. seeing it and discovering it opens our inner book – which is called: spirituality or “man know thyself”

    i appreciate very much your respect and honour towards your mother and your mother was a living example how to serve close standing people and relatives. in this connection it is said that the highest knowledge is this: service to man and while we serve people – we serve God.

    God is living in us. He knows each heart and He also knows what is best for His child.

    Thanks, dear friend, for sharing this post written by your heart 🙂

    and do not worry about your wedding – surely all will be fine 🙂
    with greetings from my heart

    • Hi Didid, thank you so much for this thoughtful response. You’re so right, we serve Him when we serve one another. And how true – He knows our hearts and knows what’s best. Thanks again for the kind words and encouragement. big hugs xox

  53. I really understand, because my mom died early from cancer. We thirteen children did not know how we could go on without her. But we all knew Jesus, and we have all gone on with His plan for our lives. We are so thankful for what she taught us. Wish I was there just to give you a hug. Instead I will pray that God continues to speak to your heart. We can trust Him for everything.

    • Hi Mary, oh I am so sorry to hear that. My heart just goes out to you. That is tough. But you’re right, Jesus really does work everything together for good, and He is worthy of being trusted. thanks for the encouragement. hugs xox

  54. Praying for you and your family, and thanking Him. When you said, “I’m not saying I heard the voice of God, but sometimes, a phrase will just pop in my mind out of nowhere, and I am hard pressed to believe that those messages aren’t inspired by the Father.” that resonated with me, because I haven’t heard that “voice” either but when I get fearful thoughts, this phrase comes into my head, “O ye of little faith”. When it happens, it seems to refocus me into the right direction. Thank you for the post.

  55. This post reminds me of a song I love to which the chorus says : (chorus)
    but i trust you
    lord its not easy
    sometimes the pain in my life
    makes you seem far away
    but ill trust you
    i need to know youre here
    through the tears and the pain
    through the heartache and rain
    I’ll trust you !
    Keep trusting in him girl ! He’ll never let you go! Praying your strength! Xo

    • Hi Soph, you are so sweet. Thank you for sharing this with me. What beautiful and powerful lyrics. I love that. Yes, He’ll never ever let me go. I’ve just got to feel His strong arms holding me up. Thanks for the continued prayers. big hugs xox

      • That’s the beautiful thing about the community of faith ! You got people in your corner praying you through when you don’t have the strength to! I got you girl!

      • That’s so true. This little community is such a life source for me. A source of “oxygen” for sure ;). But seriously, I’m so grateful for your friendship. massive bear hugs to you! xox

  56. Our Most Gracious Heavenly Father You have heard the crying out of Your Saint as well as the prayers and wishes of those supporting her. Throughout Your Word, You have illustrated times where we, Your creation are in times of testing and turmoil, sometimes tempted to go our own way and rely on our own means. Yet again in Your Mercy, You have reached out to us, You have reminded us to trust in You, to put our Faith in You. Even Your Son, Jesus Christ in the garden stated the weakness of the flesh and His need for You. Just as Your Son taught us to be in faith and utter those truly powerful words; Thy Will be done, we pray for Your Will to be done here as well. We do pray for healing and restoration for her mother. As healing was spoken and the Roman’s servant was healed; speak Your words of healing and restoration for her mother. Additionally, reach out Your loving arms to the entire family, holding them firmly and blocking the invading fears and worries of this world. Pour our Your Spirit that will strengthen their faith allowing them and us to totally trust in You and receive a peace that surpasses all understanding. Bless her, her mother, all who have commented and are praying hear as well as all who have been touched and are praying for this situation. That by Your Grace, Power in Healing and Your Mercy, we will be of one voice in bringing praise and adoration to Your Most Holy Name. We pray in the name of Jesus Christ. Amen. Thank you for your strength and honesty in your posting. Doug

    • Amen. Thank you so much for this beautiful prayer, Doug. I am so incredibly touched by your kind and thoughtful words. Yes, that scene in Gesthemete is so powerful. Even Jesus needed God. Thank you for being such a blessing to me. Big hugs xox

  57. As is said in several programs….don’t live in the wreckage of your future. It’s hard not to do, I fully understand. I’m always living in the wreckage. But don’t. You know that expression “One Day at a Time”? It’s pretty good. Spot on, actually. Oh….see also Luke 12:25 “And which of you by being anxious can add a single cubit to his life’s span?”
    All that said, yes, you are allowed to grieve for what is lost. And God understands those times of ‘no I don’t trust you’. I take GREAT comfort in the story of Elijah….how right after calling down the power of God on the 400 prophets of Baal,he flees in fear of Jezebel. We’re all allowed to fear, allowed to doubt God’s power and mercy and support. It’s not good to live in that doubt, but you can have it. And move on.
    God bless sister. Hugs

    • Don’t live in the wreckage of your future. Wow what a powerful statement. Thank you so much for this thoughtful note. You are such an encourager. I will definitely reread the story of Elijah. Thanks again. Hugs and love xox

  58. You can check my page for a post titled Childlike trust in God…. I dont know how to share ot with you but if you get the chance to, i hope the words inspire you and give you strength to face it and conquer…. God loves you

  59. Been there, know that place well- “the valley of the shadow of death”.
    Lost a life-long best friend in 2012, nearly lost my father to a heart attack and triple bypass that year too. In 2013 I experienced job loss, something that had never happened to me before. 2014 I lost my health, battled cancer, then a recurrence in 2015. Through it all, finances were questionable, and we wondered what would happen to us. On more than one occasion, God gently confronted me with that same question- “Will you trust Me?”
    He never let us down, never left us out. We never missed a meal, never missed a bill. God provided, in every way.
    “And my God shall supply all your needs, according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus.” -Philippians 4:13

    • Hi there Rob. Thank you so much for sharing your story. Gosh, I am so sorry you have had to go through all of that. It sounds like you’ve had quite a trying season. My heart just goes out to you. Know that you and yours are in my thoughts and prayers. It’s true – He never lets us down. God really is good. I find that it is to forget that when the chips are down. But He really does want to do good things for His kids. thanks for stopping by. hugs ox

  60. My heart cries for you! You and your mother are in my prayers. I pray that all your dreams come true and that your mother will fully recover and be able to share in all of your achievements and special celebrations. Thank you for posting the wonderful pictures of inspiration, I have copied them and will share them with others.

    • Hi Delores, thank you so much for your incredibly kind words. And thank you for your prayers. It means the world. Yes, I pray for her total recovery too. God is good and I do trust in His goodness and mercy. Glad you stopped by. hugs xo

    • Amen to that, Rebekah. Thank you so much for your prayers. Yes, I definitely believe that He has a good plan. I just have to learn to trust, have patience and surrender. Thanks for the encouragement. hugs xox

  61. I’m not seeing clearly into the situation, Caralyn. This may not be helpful.

    A minister at Good Friday service one said “Rituals are for those experiences of sorrow so great that our bodies could not bear them.” Some strokes are manifestations of spiritual struggles that overwhelm our brains. When that happens, the work of healing must start in the spirit of the patient.

    When I confront those circumstances, I open my mind to them, seeking after the wound. When I find it, I allow it to enter my heart (which hurts like hell), and pray for the Father to enter that encounter. Even if the body is not healed, the spirit is changed, and that is eternal.

    The great difficulty is to leave myself outside of the process, to avoid seeking for myself in that intimate bond between the Father and the patient. Your acknowledgement of grief may be preparation for that surrender.

    • Hi Brian, thank you so much for sharing this perspective. How interesting There definitely may be something to that. Yes, there are lots of prayers going up to the Father. It’s in His hands. You’re right, it’s hard to leave ourselves outside of the process. But it is an important part of the process. big hugs x

      • You know, Caralyn, I can’t get this situation out of my head. It’s like you’re living a parable.

        The words the he chose – “Do you trust me?” – are a classic seduction line. It’s like an admission that you’ve held yourself pure all of these years, and now he wants to ravish your entire being with his presence. Women that go through this experience in sacred orders used to call themselves “Brides of Christ” because once it happens, no man can compete with that bond.

        The reason that I call this a “parable” is because the parables always expose the unfortunate paradoxes that enter our relationship with the Father when we think of him in terms of the men around us. Yes, he wants to ravish you with his love, but all those images of your mother at your wedding can also be interpreted as promises.

        It’s like he’s saying: “I can’t heal your mother without you, but only let me in, and I promise you that this will come to pass.”

      • How does the Catholic Church celebrate mothers that surrender their sons to a lifetime of service to God? Why does the Church do that?

        It’s because it’s hard for them to surrender their children.

      • When I was 16, my father used to come into my room after dinner to argue philosophy with me. They conversations eventually ended up going around in circles, which was very frustrating, so I asked him “Why do you come in here to argue with me?” His answer was evasive, but made me realize tat he really needed me to love him.

        It was at that point that I realized that I needed to stop trying to make my parents responsible for my power. It was then that I grew up.

  62. My thoughts and prayers are with you tonight. God will see you through this difficult time. I am also going through a period of fear, and sadness right now. However I am comforted because I know Him. You will get through this.

    • Thank you so much for your kind words and prayers. it truly means so much. I’m sorry that you’re going through a difficult season right now. Yes, we are His, and He will be with us through our trials. Praying for you. big hugs xox

  63. The Lord speaks to us and through us and i have no doubt the words placed on your Heart, the words you heard were from Him. Praying for your strength and peace through all of this and that He comforts you in your moments of anguish.

    • Thanks Bethany. I really appreciate your prayers and support. It means so much. You’re right, I think there’s so much we’ll never know about the Father and His love for us 🙂 big hugs xox

    • Thanks Bethany. I think you’re right. There’s a lot that we don’t understand about how He communicates with us but I believe He does:) thank you for your prayers. Hugs and love xox

  64. I only want to say, you are not alone, never. “He”, or “She” 😉 will always be there… I have been through soo many lonely and dangerous moments in my life and always, or mostly always, had God at my side. Especially, when I wanted to die at the age of 7,(!) I even “felt” his hand on my head, and I started crying and thought over what I wanted to do and I was so overwhelmed, that I was not alone at this moment… and I know the feeling as well, when a mom is becoming more like a child or someone who needs us. But I know you will have everything at your side to come over everything.. You are strong.
    Well, I lost faith a bit through the (tough) years, but of course I know God is still there. Especially with those, who still are young and have hope. 😉

    • Oh thank you so much for this thoughtful response. I’m so sorry you went through that as a child. Ok so glad that you felt His presence in your spirit. Thanks for the encouragement. Hugs and love xox

    • Thank you so much for sharing that. I’m sorry you had to go through that as a child but I’m so glad that you felt His presence. Thanks for the encouragement. Hugs and love xox

  65. Everything will work out in the end. You don’t need to know how. You just have to trust that it will. The resurrection of Christ gives us the power to live with his Divine Light. His spirit lives within you. The energy of grace works within you here and now. It can transform your fear and pain into the light of resurrection. Trust the unmistakable touch of grace. His Holy Spirit guides you into all truth, always and in all your ways. In the heart of the storm is silence. In the midst of chaos, he creates something new and good. Everything is a stepping stone, and by staying on the stone that you are on right now, you create the opportunity to step to the next stone:

    „We know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.“ (Romans 8:28)

    The word became flesh in order to make us earthly beings into heavenly ones, to raise us up from enslavement to sin, fear and death to the glorious freedom of the royal children of the Creator, to eternal life, to immortality. The truth is that your parents and friends will always be with you, in this world and beyond time and space. The spiritual teaching of the invocation of the saints is one of the most important teachings of the holy Church. Be fully convinced that they will intercede for us before God in heaven, you can pray to them, in the same way as we ask our friends on earth to pray for us. The saints in heaven are very lively because they are in Christ:

    “It is not limited in membership to those presently alive. Those in heaven with Christ are alive, in communion with God, wor­shiping God, doing their part in the Body of Christ.“

    Your father, your mother, your siblings and friends – and your whole spiritual family – will be with you on earth and in heaven. ALWAYS! 😉 Blessings to you! I will pray for your mother. Light and love, Mark

  66. Thank you for sharing your heart sis! I have heard those four words many times from the Lord myself. Praying that your mom fully recovers and that through it all, He would have drawn you even closer to Him through this! Be blessed.

  67. Wow I missed the initial post about the stroke so I didn’t realize the full extent of her condition. I am believing and trusting in God for healing on your mother’s behalf!!

    By the way, one. One bottle per guest. And definitely wear a veil 🙂

    Sending love, peace, and HEALING your way.

    • Thanks so much for your kind words and support. It really means a lot. Yeah a bit of a difficult season currently. Yes God loves to heal. And thank you:) one bottle. Good to know!! Hugs and love xox

  68. Technical notes from your on-line therapist connection: spontaneous return of function after a stroke can take several weeks to months. This mostly occurs as swelling diminished inside the skull. Do not expect to know the extent of potential perminent damage for 6 months. Notice that I said “potential”. Recovery continues for several years. Be aware of your hopes and fears, but be patient. I have worked with clients whose strokes were 5+ years ago. Some had rehab. Others none for various reasons. Some change, others do not. But, hope is a better motivator than capitulation. The key to discovering what someone can do is to provide daily opportunties for stimulation. Basic self care tasks, homemaking tasks, listening & singing along with music, looking over photo albums… If your mother does not repsond to these now, try them again in a week or so. Hope keeps us trying. Despair prevents us from discovering changes that have occured when we did not notice them.

    • Thanks again Oscar. Those are some great thoughts. Yes, hope keeps us trying. Amen to that. I so appreciate your encouraging words and friendship. You are a blessing to me. Hugs and love xox

  69. Wow, a lot of really great responses here ^. I don’t know if I can add to that except to say that I can relate. My dad had a heart attack and stroke at once. The doctors said he should have died. I was a wreck. But My dad stayed in the Word and He [the Word – Jesus] completely healed him over time. I can’t tell he had anything wrong. John 10:10 talks about how anything that brings life is from God, and anything that doesn’t is the work of the devil. They don’t ever trade places and God is worthy of your trust. I ought to know… and I am learning it. Thanks for sharing!

    • Thank you so much:) I really appreciate your prayers and encouragement. And oh gosh, I guess I didn’t make it quite clear…I am totally single! Haha I was talking about my wedding *one day*. I am absolutely looking for the right man who’s husband material! 🙂 Hugs and love xox

  70. I’m so sorry to hear about your mum’s stroke. And I admire very much your faithful trust in God through this very difficult time. May He bless you and your family, now and always. I don’t comment on blogs much (I’m quite shy), but I want to let you know that I’ve really valued reading your blog every since you first liked one of my blog posts ages ago (thanks for following my blog and liking my posts!), and so I was fortunate to find your blog 🙂 – thank you for some really inspiring and thought-provoking posts! With prayers for you and your family.

    • Thank you so much Chairomai. I really appreciate your prayers and support. it means a lot. And gosh, what a kind thing to say! I’m so glad that our paths crossed! big big hugs to you xox

  71. Beautiful words – great job –
    Trust – it’s the bridge from chaos to peace – from trying in my own strength to resting in God – in situations like yours – and mine – (my dad is dying) – we need something more that a saying that fits on a coffee cup, a t- shirt or a Facebook post –
    Thanks for sharing –

  72. My Grandfather had a stroke in my teens. He did not live to see me graduated. Can’t pretend to know what your are feeling. Outside of your blog we never met. But you are not alone in your greif. Find support in those closest to you. Been reading your work for sometime keep it up.

    • Hi Anthony, oh I am so sorry to hear about your grandfather. Thank you for your comforting words. You’re right, there is definitely support with those we love. big hugs to you xox

  73. Amen. The Lord definitely speaks to us and sometimes we feel we hear him wrong. Like today I asked him a question, and his response was that the deliverance of someone would come if I continued to have faith. It’s hard to believe because we don’t see it happening in the natural. In the supernatural, it’s already there. #WalkByFaith #NotSight I pray you will continue trusting Him

  74. Hello Carolyn (apologies if I’m spelling your name incorrectly).

    It’s been a while since I checked in on your blog and this was the first post I read. I am sorry to read of your mother’s stroke and of everything your family has been going through.

    Sounds to me like you had a bit of a “Job moment”, when your demand on God received a counter-demand of God’s own. Certainly wasn’t what Job was expecting; certainly not what any of us expect when we are suffering and just want things to be made better. Trust makes terrible demands of us: that we be vulnerable, that we live with the knowledge of what might be despite our hopes and prayers, that we walk not in the light of certainty and knowledge but of hope. I am reminded of a passage from the ancient Greek playwright Aeschylus:

    “He who learns must suffer. And even in our sleep pain that cannot forget falls drop by drop upon the heart; and in our own despair, against our will, comes wisdom to us by the awful grace of God.”

    The awful grace of God. In modernity, we understand the word awful as a pejorative; but we have forgotten that it’s original meaning meant, “awe-inspiring”, or “worthy of reverence”. This is what the phrase “fear of God” (also much misunderstood) originally meant: acknowledgement that God is God, not our cool best friend, or funky favourite relative, or benevolent grandparent. God walks with us: and that is terrifying, and profoundly comforting – because it both makes demands of us, and offers us hope.

    My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family as you walk this journey with God at your side.

    • Thank you so much for this incredibly thoughtful response. I really appreciate your prayers and support. I think I’ll reread Job today. There’s always so much comfort to be found in His word. What a powerful quote. Thanks again for your kind words. Big hugs to you xox

      • I would certainly recommend you read Job as it is my absolute favourite biblical text! 🙂 But note: it is a challenging and difficult (and potentially upsetting) text, because it rejects the notions of conventional wisdom (located in texts such as Proverbs) that if you just pray hard enough or live a good enough life or are sufficiently devout, God will ensure you don’t suffer and come to harm; or, that if you do get into strife, God will rescue you from your troubles. Job is radical and subversive precisely because it argues that the point of life and faith and the cosmos itself is not “justice” as we conceive it (usually us getting our own way) but relational co-existence with God and with each other – and God is a troubling and complex and difficult travelling companion and dialogue partner!

        Walter Brueggemann’s “A Troubling God: The Heart of the Hebrew Bible” and Douglas John Hall’s “The Cross In Our Context: Jesus in a Suffering World” are recommended reading. Rabbi Harold S. Kushner’s “When Bad Things Happen To Good People” is also a classic treatment of the subject, and also highly recommended.

      • “God will rescue you from your troubles. ” such a powerful thought to see God as our rescuer. Thanks for the reccos! I’ll definitely look into them! Big hugs xox

      • Except that the point Job makes is that God isn’t our rescuer but our companion – and the point of faith is not to be “saved” from suffering, but to live within the difficult, demanding place of trust in God that faith calls us into, even in the midst of life’s absurdities and heartaches.

      • It is powerful, but it is also very demanding. It requires us to hold a theology of God that does not see the life of faith as a contractual quid pro quo in which, in return for piety and morality, we get protection and security. God’s first words to Job are: “Who is this who darkens counsel by words without knowledge?”; and Job’s response to God showing him the universe is to place his hand over his mouth and say: “My lips have spoken of things of which I had no knowledge”. In other words, God doesn’t answer Job’s demand for vindication and “justice”; rather, God makes Job understand the paucity of his theological thinking – one that has reduced God to the status of being nothing more than a party to a contract, and not a partner in covenant. But covenant and contract are not the same. Contract involves rights and obligations; covenant involves relationship and mutual dialogue. Contract is plain and simple (which is why many people prefer to think of faith in those terms) but covenant is – like all relationships – messy and demanding. This is why I think you have experienced a “Job moment” – because it seems to me that God is responding to your demand that your mother get well with a counter-demand that you widen your theological framework and think of God, not as “rescuer” or “supplier of our demands”, but as “companion” and “source of hope”. Which is difficult and painful and complicated – but, I think, very important. For as C S Lewis said:

        “I don’t think God wants us to be happy. It’s not that God wants us to be unhappy; it’s just that our happiness is not the point. Rather, I think that what God wants is that we should grow up: leave the nursery of our being, enter into the world of others, to love and be loved. And in order to do that, we must sometimes suffer.”

        Blessings to you and your family as you continue this difficult journey of hope.

  75. Hang in there, Caralyn, my dear friend. I can’t even say trust because I know sometimes it’s just hard. At times, we can’t pretend that we don’t doubt. So, just keep hanging on. Acknowledge the doubts and fear but keep going anyway. God does know what’s best. Your mom, your family and you are in my prayers. Much love to you. Hugs xxx

    • Thanks Anne, that really means a lot. It’s true, doubt and fear can sometimes creep in, but God is bigger! 🙂 thanks for your continued prayers and support. very grateful for you in my life! 🙂 hugs xox

      • Dear Carolyn after eating your blog posts today I realize that your heart is genuine. It is always a beautiful thing to show compassion to others. It is wonderful to know that you were learning so much things. Believe it or not you and I are on the same boat because I left the busyness of the college life style with distractions all around me and then leaving that to come home and spend some time with the Lord. You are a wonderful soul. And I pray that you smile each and every day and the reason why is because that’s why I couldn’t give your mother the courage to keep up the good work in general it’s not so bad being home my advice to you is enjoy it take notice of the little things in the big impact they leave all your life. Next time you’re in town do you want to mail me some donuts from Jubilee? I love Jubilee Donuts…

      • Thanks so much. Your prayers are so appreciated:) I will definitely keep you in my prayers that your time at home is fruitful. Yes. Taking notice of the little things 🙂 Never had jubilee donuts! But I’ll see if I can find them 🙂

  76. In the Book of 1Tim 2:1 “I exhort therefore, that, first of all, supplications, prayers, intercessions, [and] giving of thanks, be made for all men;” is where we have three of the four types of prayers. Prayer simply means: ‘talking to God’. The 4th type of prayer is in Mark 11:24 “Therefore I say unto you, What things soever ye desire, when ye pray, believe that ye receive [them], and ye shall have [them].” The word ‘desire’ in the Greek is: aiteo (ai-teh’-o) ‘to ask, demand’. Dear Sis. you aiteo when demanded that of God. He honours such prayers! Four is the number of creation. With aiteo we create favourable situations. Amen!

    • How interesting! thank you so much for sharing that! so fascinating. Four is also my favorite number — it was my soccer number 🙂 but wow, yes – how incredible to know that we can make “forceful” requess of God – I guess it shows our faith. haha hugs xox

  77. I’m so proud of you for letting yourself have your emotions. That’s a really hard thing to do in moments such as the one you’re currently living.

  78. I just checked back in after a couple of months. So sorry to hear about your mum’s stroke. I will be praying for you and for her recovery. I can understand how frightening it must be to imagine life without her input, love and care. God knows your need and I pray He will strengthen you and help you beyond your imagination at this time. Thanks for your beautiful openness – it is so easy to connect with your writing because it comes from the heart. You are going to be ok xoxo

    • Thank you so much for your kind words and prayers. It really means a lot. Yeah, He is definitely strengthening my family and I through this difficult season. Thanks again for your support. big hugs xox

  79. Thank you for sharing this. I have been there sister, when that sorrow overtakes, when you can hardly breath. When you hardly want to breath for the pain of it. God’s got you. God’s got this. Praying for your mothers full recovery! Praying for his peace to dwell richly within the hearts of you and your family during this trying time.

  80. I Seen that you read my post about a Parents Biggest Fear being the world. This lead me to your post. I’m sorry to hear about your loss. I have lost a few people of my own in the last few years that were very important to me. I feel I am loosing one now, myself included.
    I feel my time is being cut short and the life of my other half. I’m not sure who will go first but just know I will be destroyed if it’s him. I Just wanted to reach out to you and thank you for your courage and faith in the unknown. God Bless

    • Thank you so much for your kind words and support. I really appreciate it. I’m so sorry to hear about that. I will definitely keep you and your other half in my prayers. Hang in there. big hugs xox

  81. Yes, faith in God is such a wonderful thing, and loving his son Jesus makes this all possible. Your loved ones will always be with you at your wedding, faith in Jesus will ensure this. God bless.

  82. I am praying for you. I can’t tell you how many times in the past 2 years that God has asked me the very same question in the very same way. You are on the right path and God is strengthening your faith. He is wothy of your trust. He NEVER FAILS to keep His Word. Have courage and believe. Love in Christ.

  83. Know that God loves both you…and your precious mom…with an everlasting and unfailing love and will always work for your good. Praying for your mama’s recovery and for wisdom and peace for you!

  84. Sometimes when we need to learn to trust Him and give our fear to Him, He gives us something to be afraid of. We have to be able to recognize it. And I wonder how many people miss a message from God because they think its crazy for Him to speak to us, or they think it’s a form of arrogance. If you ask God he will give you a message. I am on a journey to learn who I am as a man in Christ. In order to do that I had to be out of any romantic relationship, which is a huge challenge for me ;( . When I meditate on women and when I might be ready “six months” pops in my head, for six months now, “six months” has been popping in my head. I fee like the number should be counting down but then I remember to trust God and that things are on his schedule. I know I can’t trust myself when it comes to women, so I trust God and continue to grow. Bless you for sharing your struggles and fears. You always inspire me to work harder on myself.

    • Thank you so much for sharing part of your journey. That’s such a powerful thought – it’s like He allows the fear or the pain so that we turn to Him and fully depend on Him. I definitely feel you on the relationship front. I often put a lot of pressure on myself, thinking that I *should* be here on a timeline, or I *should* be at this place in my life, but I just have to take a breath and remember that God has me right where He wants me. Thanks for stopping by. Will definitely be keeping you in my prayers! big hugs xox

  85. Trust in God. Sometimes those words are easier said than done. I’d like to say when you become an old fart like me it gets easier but I’d be lying. I know that he will always have our backs, it’s just a matter of us…trusting him. I’ve been struggling lately too so I know how you feel in a different way. I still keep your mother and all of your family in my prayers daily and I know in time, His will will be done for you all. The best advice that I can give you is Love her where she’s at, in that moment. I have too many regrets since losing my father and wish that I could’ve done the same thing. Just lover her and, trust in God lol. Like I always tell ya, “he’s got your back.” 🙂

    • Thanks John. I love that – He’s got our backs. Amen to that! You’re so right though, trusting in Him is much easier said than done. Like a lot of things in life haha. Thank you so much for your continued prayers and encouragement. it seriously means so much. THat’s great advice. Living in the moment for sure. You are a blessing to me. Know that you are in mine as well 🙂 hugs x

  86. I hope your Mom gets better. I know you pressed ‘like’ on my blog. That post goes against everything you believe in. I do hope your mom gets better.

  87. Hi there, thanks for the likes first off. My best wishes be with you. your blog moved me so much. Coming from a religious background i understand the need for faith. Keep strong and feel free to visit my blog any time to share a tale or two. Freckles x

  88. I’ve only read a few of your posts so far, (and I’m excited to read more) but I just wanted to say thank you for your brutal honesty. Thank you for being willing to be vulnerable and share (often with strangers) the things that you have suffered, are suffering, and may suffer. I just wanted to send prayers for you and your family and wish you all the best. Keep believing. Keep fighting. Keep holding on. God’s got your back 🙂 Take care and have a blessed day!!

    • Hi Julie, oh gosh thank you so much for your kind words and prayers. It seriously means the world. Amen to that – God really does have my back. I believe that with all my heart. So glad you stopped by! Big hugs xox

    • Oh gosh I’m so sorry to hear that! Hope everything is okay! I will definitely keep you and your grand baby in my prayers. Thanks for your support, Laurie. Hugs and love xox

  89. I have a mom whose health deteriorated without any sign also. i found it hard to accept, but gradually with hope…we are seeing her improve and helping her recover…i’m glad i found your blog or rather you found me…God bless you real good and may He do a fantastic rehabilitation on you mom!!!

    • Thanks so much Lexezra. I’m so sorry that you can relate on such a personal level. I’m glad she’s improving. I’ll definitely keep her and your family in my prayers. hugs xox

  90. I absolutely love it! Sending all my prayers and wishes toward you and your family. Stay positive, God got you no matter what.

    We all unravel at times and break down but just remember to never unpack there. Have your moments but always come out of it with a smile. Faith guides us and gives us hope in the things we cannot see.
    Keep pushing, no stress. Go will never put more on you than you can bear.😊smile🙏🏽