Permission to Let Go

Well, I just finished my book.

I’ll hold for applause.

Juuuuuust kidding. 🙂 Although, it is exciting, and I did a little happy dance last night to some Broadway show tunes to commemorate the occasion.

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But it’s been really interesting to have to go back. To put myself back in that place, ten years ago, when I was going to inpatient for my anorexia. Which, wouldn’t you know, upon my entrance, I was in denial that I even had an eating disorder at all, and was adamant that I wasn’t anorexic.

And as I’ve been writing, I’ve realized just how much I am not that girl anymore. I can barely even recognize myself. And I’m not just talking about the glaringly obvious physical transformation. The truth is, I barely recognize my heart.

But it’s been really powerful – and monstrously difficult – to mentally go back and think about what I would say to that girl. What I would say to that girl who is hurting. Angry. Alone. Terrified. Anxious. Exhausted. Defeated. What would I say to her, who is at the absolute lowest point in her life?

What would get through to her? Because honestly, what I needed to hear is not exactly “first date” conversation. It took an intense intervention, with a close family friend getting two inches away from my nose, looking me dead in the eyes, saying, “Do you know what you’re doing to your father?” But that’s a story for another day.

What I’ve come to realize, while writing this book and simultaneously caring for my mom during her stroke recovery, is that I think sometimes, we’re looking for permission to let go of something that is bad for us.

Which sounds incredibly simple.

But I think we all can find ourselves at one point or another with a death grip on something that is – either blatantly or conspicuously – destructive. Something that gives us a false sense of control. A distorted sense of comfort.

Sometimes we’re desperate for someone to tell us that it’s okay to let it go.

Because it’s scary to let go of what’s been sustaining us. Giving up that which has been our way to cope with the world. Manage our fear and anxiety. Give us purpose. We ruthlessly protect it, even if it’s bad for us. Perhaps, especially if it’s bad for us.

We let go, and then what? We’re in a free fall? We’ve lost control. What will become of us? Life will be unbearable. How can I give up that which has been keeping me ‘alive?’

But what we don’t respect, is that all the striving and the hanging-on-for-dear-life we’re doing, is exhausting. We’re desperately tired and worn, but that absolute need for control and fear-management, it overrides that exhaustion.

We need someone to give us permission to let it go.

Because, if we really look inside our hearts, we’ve been looking for that permission all along.

The thing is, I am not the person who has the authority to tell anyone that. Sure, I may suggest it and present the life-changing ramifications of a life let go. But ultimately, that comes down to her and God.

She’s got to trust that He’s going to catch her. She’s got to trust that He will become that life source, that comfort, that sustenance for her. She has to deem Him dependable.

 It’s been so interesting to be writing this book here. In this time. During this season of regrowth and renewal for my mom after her stroke in December. Because there are nights when I realize that everything I’ve been writing, it’s as though it were written just for my mom, too.

We’re all recovering from something.

And we all are somewhere in the process of relinquishing the control that we’re clinging to, and trusting that the Father will truly have our best interest at heart.

It’s a delicate balance.

And a maneuver that takes a lifetime to come to fruition.

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I’m finding myself still working on that give-and-take, that push-and-pull with God over control. Except this time, it’s not about weight gaining supplements and meal plans, but things like, future plans, not fearing my current place in life, worries about finding love. The things of a typical 20-something-home-assisting-her-mother’s-stroke-recovery.

So what would I say?

Going back to that scared, hurting girl on the precipice of the most grueling and frightening fight for her life?

He’s got you. Let Him have you.

And perhaps, I need to hear that too.

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Sometimes, what we hold onto – what we’re afraid of letting go – is actually prohibiting us from being free.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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350 responses to “Permission to Let Go”

    • Hey Dan, thanks for sharing that. I respect your belief, and I appreciate you taking the time to read and respond. Yeah, I definitely do believe that. I don’t know how I could make it though this life without it 🙂 But that’s just me 🙂 big hugs to you x

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      • In the end, I don’t know if it all really matters. Don’t we all just end up in the refuse pile, anyway? But, thanks for the smileys and the “hugs” and “x”. You know, if I were still in algebra class, I’d wonder what you were up to, throwing such a common-place variable at me like that.

      • oh yea? Well, I didn’t think of it that way. But just so’s I don’t get misunderstood, I’ll restate it in plain American English: The abyss is very deep, and just in case that magical hand doesn’t catch the one who starts to fall, just sayin’…it’s a long way down. And there’s really no way back to the land of the living. There. I said it. No gate. No key. No exit.

  5. This was such a lovely blog and just what I needed to hear! It’s pretty cool how God speaks through others😊 Also as an aspiring author I commend your hard work!!! I would love to read your book!

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    • Oh gosh, thank you so much! I’m so glad that this resonated with you! And gosh, that’s such awesome encouragement right now. Same to you! Keep up the hard work!! 🙂 Would love to read yours someday as well! hugs xo

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  6. Aweplause! So proud of you! One of the mysteries of faith to me is what I see as there being strength in surrender. God has placed you exactly where He wants you to be so He can reveal more to you than if you were some place else.
    In honor of your book and your perfect dance selection, I will build you a cake! You are talented, beautiful and so loved by God. Just continue to draw near to him. Your testimony is going to touch many hearts and change many lives! I am so proud of you. You are in my prayers.

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    • hahah aww thank you so much Rick. Oh yes, there is *so* much strength in surrender. This is such a sweet note. I cherish it 🙂 Thanks again for your continued prayers. you’re a great friend. big big hugs xox

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  8. Yayyyyy!!!!!!! Finishing that first draft is so awesome and a huge accomplishment! It’s going to be awesome to see how many more people you help through your book. It’s funny, I very recently felt called to write a book about my alcoholism, and sobriety. So I TOTALLY understand the “I don’t even recognize that person anymore” thoughts as I’m reliving those moments. I’m so glad we found each other on the interwebs. 🙂 Rock on girlfriend, rock on!

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  11. Congratulations on finishing your book and your surrender. Letting go can be quite tough to do… 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼

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  12. Congrats on your book!!! It’s quite an experience. I wrote three novels in preparation for my Christian book series, and a couple weeks ago finished writing my third novel. For anyone who hasn’t gone through the writing, it’s quite unexplainable. Using everything God has given me to move forward and I’ve started to write my first book, as I feel prepared now.

    I remember reading one of your older posts, it was your youth pastor, I think, who tried to speak to you about your dad. And for those few seconds your eyes were opened before being clouded. It’s a very powerful moment indeed. I’d love to read anything you have to add to that. 🙂

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    • aw thanks friend!!!! oh wow! Three novels! that’s incredible. way to go!!!! You’re right, writing is so cathartic. It is so healing to think about the journey you’ve taken and see God at work from hindsight. Yeah, that youth pastor is still in my life. I see his kids every monday. I am so blessed to have him in my life. 🙂 thanks for all of the reading you’ve been doing. you’re awesome! hugs xox

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      • You are most welcome! Yes, I am working on a Christian Fiction/Fantasy series. Had the idea in 2013, and spent the last four years preparing myself, following God’s hand in guidance. I believe, whatever our work is, we need to be diligent and steadfast. Let Him prepare our foundation. I’m so glad your youth pastor is in your life. 🙂 My experience will be in a blog post later on, but it wasn’t a good experience unfortunately. I’m glad you had someone who was willing. Praying for you and your mom’s recovery
        <3

  14. He loves us regardless. He will never forsake us nor leave us. Three novels!! Awesome! An avid reader since I was a kid, I am always on the hunt to discover new authors.

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    • amen to that! Yes He does! Oh gosh, I have not written three novels! haha — hopefully one day! This is the first book 🙂 but thanks for putting that out there 🙂 On the horizon 🙂 Thanks for stopping by! big hugs xox

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  15. That is soooo, fantastic!!!! Congratualtions. What a big deal that is to go back and face the past and then share it. Good for you!!! God is Amazing, as you know.

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    • Thank you so much Tamara! Yeah, it has definitely been quite the eye opening experience, but also so powerful to see the journey my life has taken. God is amazing indeed. thanks for stopping by! big hugs xo

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  16. Good words here… We’ve all got something we need to let go of… I’m really pleased you’ve done that! 😊

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  17. What an important message of being able to let go. Hard to do! Congrats on finishing your book! Has it been published or did you just finish writing it, and waiting for it to be published? Can’t wait to read! Beautiful post, as always xx

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  21. Trust issues, we all have themm but you seem to be doing really well addressing yours. Thank you for sharing your story, You are a living inspiration.

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    • Thanks so much Carol. I think you’re right – trust is so hard. Especially when it comes to life and the future. Thanks for stopping by! Hugs and love xox

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  23. Congratulations and good luck with publishing and the rest of the way! And as you write, we’re all recovering from something. We just don’t always know it. You have a wonderful message and do a great job sharing it. Looking forward to hearing your publishing news. Congratulations! So happy for you. God bless.

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    • Thank you so much Brian!! 🙂 i really appreciate that. you’re right, we sometimes don’t even realize we’re recovering. But we are 🙂 thanks for sharing in the excitement with me. big hugs xox

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  26. First – Great job finishing your book! I want to reserve my copy as soon as possible!!! My thoughts for tonight are over at Patreon. I must say this was a challenging piece for me. I wasn’t quite sure what my reaction was. Then, of course, I come up with something out of “left field,” as they say.

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      • I got home a few hours ago and am enjoying the evening with Julie. I’m glad my comments and those clips did something for you. I’ve discovered that often times movies contain something like Kirk’s speech that sound right. But when you stop and think about it, that’s sin talking. I’m sure the writer’s of The Final Frontier had no Christian ideas in their heads, but they certainly captured the poignancy of despair and pain! Thanks again for a very good article tonight!

      • Oh good! That makes me so glad to what. Yeah, how easy it is to make it sound right. That’s what makes it so slippery and sneaky. Great to “chat” with you Jeff! It’s always a highlight of my day! 🙂 hugs to Julie! Xox

      • Mine too! I look forward to your posts every week. They are always a great contemplation, get me thinking, and then the give and take with you. Julie is leaving for work and says “Hi” back to you!!

  27. YAY you finished your book!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That is so great! 😀

    I know what you mean, but in my own experiences it’s been the hanging on I’ve fought for permission for. The hanging on to ‘bad’ things and the letting go of ‘good’. Maybe I’m naturally self-destructive. Actually, I know I’m naturally self-destructive–or I was. I so badly wanted an excuse to just trash my life for the misery of it all. *shrug* or maybe I was holding onto an idealistic picture I couldn’t ever live up to on the flip-side, whoa now I’m making myself think, haha. Either way, I always knew better, or there was some reason or other why I couldn’t. I’m sure I owe that to the care of Jesus.

    I’m sure you’re familiar with the quote ‘Let go and let God,’ something I learned through addiction is the harder you try not to, the more energy you put into stopping… that addiction just feeds off all that energy and uses all that power against you to keep you, but if you can let go and stop trying–which is sooo counter-intuitive to even Christian culture–and just focus on Jesus…it doesn’t make sense at first but that’s the only place you’ll ever find freedom from that thing, is in his beautiful face. And it’s true, I’m sure, for anything.

    Anyway, those are my thoughts for the evening. Have a wonderful weekend! 😀

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    • Thank you so much Carson!!!! 🙂 ah yes, let go and let god – an oldie but a goodie. It’s a classic for a reason 🙂 oh my goodness, that is so true- it’s like the more you try to end a destructive habit, the harder it is to stop…amen – focusing on Jesus is the only way out. thanks for sharing these great thoughts! big hugs xox

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      • You’re welcome!! (Being a writer who hasn’t really finished anything, I can only imagine the elation of that milestone) (:

        Okay actually you know what there’s something bigger than that (I knew there was something that just wasn’t sticcking in my brain). My struggle is that I never look ahead, only backward, and I spend my time, sometimes more, sometimes less but always a little bit wanting to do everything over differently, feeling like I got cheated. I mean, if I went back and talked to that me back then I would’ve said I went just about exactly where I wanted to go but…I can’t ever shake that I can’t ever feel like this reality is the right one for me. And I don’t know, maybe it’s selfish, maybe I just don’t have the right perspective but sometimes I’d give anything for it all to be totally different and go down a different path… it maybe doesn’t seem like much just saying it, it sounds like something anyone might think about but it’s a hella thing to not be able to let go of.

      • Oh my gosh, Carson, I have so struggled with that too — the feeling of having missed out on “the golden years” of youth. And it’s made me really sad and angry. but I just have to remember that God truly has better things in store for me. Yeah, I definitely feel ya there. Playing the “what would have happened if” game is never fun. You are who you are today because of the events in your past, and God is going to work them together for good. I know, suuuuper hard to let go of, but you know what, who you are today is awesome, and I’m glad it’s who you turned out to be!! 🙂 hugs xo

      • And that’s never the answer we want to hear, is it, haha 🙂 sad and angry, yeah. I’ve never really given myself permission to totally call it like it was, it’s one of those things I just repress because I know better–or I just know reality won’t accomodate, maybe.

        Anyway, thank-you for your kind words, it’s encouraging to be reminded I’m not the only person ever to experience that. To be always looking back, blech, it’s no wonder I used to be depressed!

        To happier future memories. (:

      • I’ve been there in the repression phase too. Isn’t it just amazing how we all have walked such different – and yet such similar – roads. It’s really incredible that we all can share in those shared experiences in our our individual way. 🙂 Yes. to happier future memories! big big hugs xox

      • That’s so true! There’s always a common *something* – and being a fairly albeit self-gauged empathetic person that’s so good because no one is ever really alone where they are (:

        And oh my gosh it’s finally the weekend! Happy Friday!!

  28. Congratulations on your huge accomplishment! To God be the glory!

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  31. “We are all recovering from something.” – such a powerful truth! Congratulations on the completion of your book! I am excited for your message to be out there. I know it will enhance the lives of all who read it. Sending continued prayers and positive energy for your mom in her recovery.

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    • Thank you so much 🙂 Gosh, I really appreciate your continued prayers. She’s doing awesome. She’s my hero. Thanks for sharing in the excitement with me! big hugs xo

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  33. Congratulations on a job well done ….enjoy that happy dance you should be so proud of yourself .could not have been easy going back.but you did and it’s made you stronger.Hugs!

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  36. That’s FANtastic!!!👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻 The completion of your book and identifying how the moment you said “Yes” to letting go & letting God, inevitably brought the completion of a former-self. How beautifully the two parallel one another! Hugs & continued blessings!!😘

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  39. It was a really good read for this early morning (really smells like 5 a.m.). Especially while we are going through lots of changes, only good thankfully, as a little family, totally reshaping our life.

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  40. Very well written. Letting go is the hardest thing to do.

    I like that cover picture of you (on the road) on your blog.

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  41. Congratulations on finishing your book! It is amazing how you’ve fought through your troubles and emerged victorious. Congratulations again!

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    • Thank you so much!! I really appreciate it. Yeah it has been quite the journey, but I am so grateful for God’s healing power. Thanks again for stopping by! Hugs and love xox

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  42. Thank you so much for liking my latest blog “The Secret Notes” it really made my day and means so much to me … “Permission to Let go” blog was beautiful written and I enjoyed reading it 💝 Thank you again and enjoy your day!! ☺️

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  43. I know I already commented… but I had more thoughts on this that weren’t fully formed when I read it a few hours ago, and I was kind of in the middle of something at the time.

    I feel like I can’t let go because sometimes it feels like my faith is exactly what I’m holding on to that is holding me back. Sometimes I feel like if only I didn’t believe that I wanted to date a Christian woman, then I might actually go on more dates. If I didn’t feel like having sex on the first or second date was wrong and dishonoring to God, then maybe the women I do meet would be more interested in me and not disappear after a week or two. If only I was comfortable with drinking alcohol, then maybe I might have more social opportunities.

    However, I don’t think that core beliefs are things I should let go of. And what this probably means is that I need to find different people to be around, particularly more Christians. Sometimes it’s hard to determine what are core beliefs I should hold on to, and what are legalisms that I should let go of. And it’s scary, because usually it seems like God tells me to hold on to things like this. But are they hurting me in the long run? I don’t know.

    (I should add that I don’t believe that drinking in moderation is sinful or dishonoring to God in and of itself. Abstaining from alcohol is a choice that I have made, because I’ve seen alcohol ruin too many lives; my father is a recovering alcoholic, although he has been sober since 1982 so I’m too young to remember his alcoholism days; and I can see in myself some of the personality tendencies where I could turn to alcohol for the wrong reasons. But am I being too strict? How do I know that I don’t have enough self-control to drink in moderation and cut myself off at the right time? I don’t know, because I’ve never had a drink in my life. That’s the kind of thing I don’t know about. Everything is telling me that if I really feel this way, I should continue not drinking, and if people don’t want to socialize with me because I don’t drink, then it’s their problem. But it still hurts sometimes…)

    Reply

    • Thank you so much for sharing this. It sounds like you’ve really been mulling this over. Yeah, I definitely hear you. It is really challenging to really look at your life, and try to answer the hard questions. It’s not an easy exercise, that’s for sure. I think, like you said, we all have our core beliefs, and I think you have to decide what those are and how you want them to impact your life. I hear ya there. I too, sometimes wonder just how my life would be different if I just didn’t live out my beliefs, but then I realize that, even though it might be more glamorous or “fun” or “easier” or whatever, the fact is, God placed those things on my heart to protect me. I have to trust that He wants to work things for good, and that’s why I live the way I do. And I’m sorry that you’ve had to walk that road with alcohol and your father’s alcoholism. I don’t know what that must be like, but i guess the only thing that is popping into my head, is that saying about playing with fire. But then that’s just my two cents worth. Anywho, I hope this makes an inkling of sense. Thanks again for sharing your heart. big hugs xo

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      • That does make sense. Everything, about God protecting me and playing with fire. It’s just hard to draw the line sometimes, avoiding things for healthy reasons vs. unhealthy fear and risk aversion. I guess that’s where praying and listening to God comes in.

  44. “He’s go you. Let Him have you.” In my way of understanding, that translates as “Let yourself fall into love.” Not “fall in love” like you would think of in a relationship, but simply to be conscious of a presence that will guide you to what will bring affirmation and strength to you as you affirm and strengthen those around you.

    Or is that too much? Were you aware, even in the darkest days, that you had meaning? Holding someone’s hand, talking to a troubled friend – did those moments always confirm for you that people gained from your presence, and would be wounded by your loss?

    These are the moments that keep me going. Were they not enough for you, or did you just not understand the connection between your behavior and your ability to continue to bring those moments to those you loved?

    I have written about how having “fallen into love” makes it difficult for women to relate to me because they find themselves trying to compete with something infinite. To share in elaborating its manifestations doesn’t seem to be enough – it provides no guarantees.

    Sorry if I’m not making much sense.

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    • Wow, that is so beautiful, Brian. Thank you so much. not too much at all! And gosh, that is powerful to think about: the dark days havingg meaning. That’s a really awesome thought. thanks again for sharing that. You’re making the best sense, and i really appreciate it. big hugs to you xox

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  46. Hurrah for your book! Congrats! I’ve written one book of poetry and contributed to another anthology, and boy, what a joy when they are ready for the press!! You do such a great ministry with your heart-felt, vulnerable sharing and inspiring faith. Keep it up! 💕

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  49. You write with great insight, and very powerfully. ‘Letting go’ is very important when dealing with so many mental health issues. Have you been thinking of becoming a mental health professional, I wonder? It might be a very good way of using your talents in the service of your brothers and sisters. Just a thought; not looking for an answer

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    • Gosh, what a kind thing to say. thank you with all my heart. Hmm, that is a great question. I have not considered that as an option, But perhaps! Thanks for planting that seed 🙂 hugs xo

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  52. Congratulations on finishing your book! I’ve yet to complete my book and I just keep writing. I’ve compiled enough for ten books but can’t make myself take the time to finish. I’m not sure what it is, the lack of consecutive moments of quiet to assemble it or the fear of putting it out there. I do know that I am about to enter a new phase of my life and I hope that getting that first book finished is one of the first parts of that.

    While we are very different, we are much the same and I love reading about your recovery. Thank you.

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  53. You’ve written some powerful words here. We’re all recovering from something may be my favorite, but the most true for me is He’s got you. Let Him have you. You knocked it out of the park with this one.

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  54. What a blessing, what a gift🎁 to share your testimony with the world. You have become an amazing woman, friend, mentor and inspiration to many. Your trials have been worth the fight because God knew only you could appreciate it in a such a way that it would be used to bless others and help them overcome. If I knew you outside the walls of these blogs. I would definitely ask you to dinner. God Bless you for your bravery, growth and sharing. “Believe that real Inspiration Lies within you”.

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    • Thank you so much. Gosh that is such a kind thing to say. I am seriously so touched by your generous and encouraging words. Haha, aw. That would be a fun dinner! 🙂 thanks again. Hugs and love xox

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  56. Wow, this post totally hit home! When I struggled with suicidality, I used it to use it to seek control and help with my fear in the face of medical problems, much as you described was the case with anorexia. I’ve had a similar journey too of the ‘push-and-pull’ of needing to let go to God. You’re right: I want to help others see the available freedom, but ultimately they need to hear His voice; mine alone won’t suffice. Great post!

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    • Thank you so much for sharing it. I’m so glad it resonated with you. And I’m so glad that you’re in a better place. Letting go and giving it to God is truly how we navigate this life. Thanks for stopping by. big hugs xox

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  57. X 🙂 YAY! congratulations on finishing your book! what a wonderful and inspiring achievement 🙂 your blog has helped me so much and a while back, when I was feeling stuck in my own recovery I went back and read through some of your early posts, knowing that someone else has made it through and allowed themselves to change really helped me find the courage to keep on keeping on, finding my own path and having faith. Can I also say that I really respect you for the fact that even though each of your posts has many hundreds of comments you always take the time to reply in a personal way? I really admire that 🙂 having time for people even when you’re busy is a beautiful thing xx sending you loads of gratitude and support and looking forward to getting a copy of your book! 🙂 Em

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    • Hi Em! Oh gosh, than you so much. I appreciate you sharing in the excitement with me! And wow, thank you for saying that. I’m so glad that my blog was helpful to you. And gosh, I am just so grateful that you would take the time out of your day to read my words. So THANK YOU!! 🙂 sending the biggest hugs in the world. xox

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  60. Congratulations on your book. I know it will bless and provide hope for many who are struggling with what you went through. May it find favor in the dizzying book market!
    Blessings.

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    • Thank you so much Mel! You’re really kind to say that. 🙂 haha yeah, I can only imagine the dizziness of the book market! yikes! thanks for stopping by! big hugs xo

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  61. You are so strong. As someone that also struggles with mental illness, this really really resonated with me: “What I’ve come to realize, while writing this book and simultaneously caring for my mom during her stroke recovery, is that I think sometimes, we’re looking for permission to let go of something that is bad for us.” I have bad habits and wallow. I need to let go!

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    • Hi Allie, thank you so much for sharing your heart. I’m so glad this resonated with you! Yes! Let’s make May the month where we just let it go!! big hugs to you x

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  63. I know I’ve probably said this before, but I am amazed at your story.
    This post was different though…as I read it, I began to feel my skin chill and then a warm feeling came over me. You have such away of expressing your joy at life that it’s contagious.
    And what an exciting time for you to have accomplished this book-writing task?!?!? Congratulations.

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  64. “He’s got you. Let Him have you”. That is something that we all need to hear every once in a while. Congratulation on finishing your book and for completing another chapter of your lifes story.

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  65. Congrats! It’s wonderful that you are using your experience to help other people–I think that is the best way to handle any hardship you’ve encountered. So many will be impacted 🙂

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  66. Congratulations, Caralyn. Having spent a year compiling the raw material for my own book and writing the first three chapters, and then another year ignoring it so I wouldn’t have to look at it critically, and only now just getting back into it, I know how nuts a goal it is. Way to go.

    Do you have a publisher or a contract nailed down yet?

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    • Hey Brandon! Thank you so much! and how awesome! I’m glad you’re getting back into it! I will be really excited to check it out when you finish! 🙂 I don’t yet. that’s my project for next week, is to do the research on getting one. So if you have any suggestions…!! haha jk jk alright, have an awesome afternoon! big hugs to you xox

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      • I actually do have a few thoughts.

        First, aim high with this project. You have what most budding Christian writers would give their right arms for…a massive platform from which to market the book and a relevant, provocative topic with a ready-made audience. That’s like walking up to a loan officer with an 800 credit score. Don’t squander those assets by settling for self-publishing or novelty houses. I can’t tell you whether God will have you aiming for the upper-tier publishers (don’t forget to ask him!), but when it comes to practical advice while you wait for that…you definitely have the tools to get their attention, and to reach and bless an enormous number of people by going through them.

        Second, I’d recommend buying the Christian Writers’ Market Guide for 2017. It will tell you which publishers are compatible with your material, theology, and exposure goals; which are pay-to-play and which are traditional; contact info and procedures, etc. It was hugely helpful in giving some shape to my early research. I had no idea where to start before that!

        Finally, I’d also suggest “Book Proposals That Sell” by Terry Whalin. There’s still a lot of work ahead in pitching your idea to crammed, overworked publishers. There’s a bit of a science to it, and reading Whalin not only helped me get my proposal down, but also improved my book.

        Finally, of course, ask God for his guidance. No better advice than that. I’ll be praying for your publisher search, and when you’ve got something to advertise, I’ll be happy to help.

      • WOW. Wow wow wow. Brandon, you have no idea how helpful this is. THANK YOU!! i have screenshotted it and it’s not my checklist. Thanks for this practice and encouraging advice. YOU ROCK!!!!! HUGS

  67. Pow! It’s ok to let go. How often that phrase is for the terminally ill. And you have just made it for the living. Its ok to live again. Wow!!

    Reply

    • thank you so much. Yeah, you’re right, there is a lot of crossover between the two, but yes! let’s claim it for the living too! thanks for stopping by! i hope you have a beautiful weekend! big hugs xox

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  76. You finished a book? Wonderful! Applause! Applause! I think I suggested that a few months ago, but I understand wanting to keep it on the downlow 😉
    I know what it feels like to finally get that thing done. Are you going to self-publish or look for a publisher?

    Reply

    • Yes! Thanks David! i’m actually just sitting here editing it right now 🙂 Right now I’m thinking of looking for a publisher, so if you know of any…!! 🙂 haha thanks for stopping by! big hugs xo

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  77. Wow. You have no idea how much I needed to read this. Thanks for sharing your journey. And congratulations on finishing your book – that’s amazing!

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  79. Love this!! Thank you for sharing. Powerful message we all either identify with … Or need to hear. And congratulations! Am God bless your next steps…publishing, marketing, publicity, or the next book!

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  80. Really well said… You have hit on the major struggle for all of us: Do I have me… of does God have me. Stay in that “letting go” place. God has already won your victory! M. A.

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  85. Wow! Really powerful words. Isn’t it so true… we never know what others trials are, they may look different, but like you said we are all recovering from something. I can not wait to read your book – you are a very inspiring writer. Keep at it!

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  87. Just wanted to say that I am truly excited for you! I am praying God’s continued blessings and favor upon you. To Him be the glory! ♥

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  88. Hi Caralyn, may I ask what the book is about? Also, is it out yet on Amazon? I’d like to read it eventually. 🙂
    While reading this post, 2 songs came to mind: Frozen – Let It Go, Duke Dumont – I Got U. Just felt like sharing.
    Ciao later xo

    Reply

    • Haha Frozen, you know I didn’t even think about that iconic song when I was writing it! gosh, how did i miss that!?? hah my niece would be very disappointed in my oversight 🙂 haha thanks! it’s not yet on amazon yet, but i’ll let you know when it’s out. i’m trying to shop it to a publisher. And i’ll do a big post on it soon!! 🙂 hope you’re having a great night! hugs xo

      Reply

  89. I can relate to this so much. After I got bullied, I developed a slew of unhealthy coping mechanisms. Were they good for my emotional and mental health? No. But they kept me alive. And it took me years to develop the courage to slowly peel away those bad habits and replace them with good ones. I needed permission from myself to recover because for a while I got so wrapped up in the suffering that I didn’t want to let go. I was afraid of recovery and I knew it was wrong, but I was too scared to rock the boat. But here I am now.

    That got deeper than I thought it would lol.

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  90. Congrats on finishing your book, girl! <3 And I agree on this: He’s got you. Let Him have you.

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  91. Such wonderful news finishing your book! How exciting! Still working on mine.
    I’ve got to ask you something…how in the world did you get so smart and insightful? Your words are so simple and powerful. You articulate what I can not. Not to mention I needed to hear this so desperately and I didn’t even know it. Thank you so much for sharing and caring and doing God’s work. You have quite a testimony, don’t ever stop telling it.

    Reply

    • Oh my gosh, thank you friend. I am seriously so touched and humbled by this generous comment!!! Keep going! I look forward to reading yours one day:) God is good and saw me through a lot of really challenging days, so all i can do is thank Him 🙂 so glad you stopped by and that this hit home with you tonight. Hugs and love xox

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  92. Congratulations!! Thats an amazing accomplishment. One that deserves many, many happy dances. 🙌🏼
    One of the most healing things I’ve done for myself is publish my memoir.

    Reply

    • hahah thank you so much Alexis! I am a big supporter of happy dances 🙂 And wow! how awesome! congratulations of your accomplishment too!! way to go!! big hugs xx

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  93. This is a little off topic but the other day I was watching one of my fav childhood – early childhood – tv shows and thought, gee, she reminds me of BBB. The show was That Girl and you used that phrase three times in the opening here! Funny coincidence. I get a lot of those, especially with people who are “in tune.” https://youtu.be/pA2t0LQSoIU
    🙂

    Reply

    • hahah oh my gosh what a funny coincidence! I’ve actually never seen that show, but I’ll definitely have to do a little research! I’m so touched that you would think of me!! thanks so much! hope you’re having a great weekend! Bighugs ox

      Reply

  94. You right everyone wants something but sometimes​ we make mistakes sometimes that something good can come out it, not always but if we stay strong and face our problems and fears, we can mode ourselves in people we want to be.

    Reply

    • Thanks so much Michael. I think you’re right, mistakes *will* eventually come, and it’s really comforting to know that that doesn’t have to be the end of the story. thanks for stopping by 🙂 big hugs xo

      Reply

      • Yeah this blog just kind of help me with a mistake I made recantly. I wrote a post but I kept details and names out of it and had it as a general post, that people can relate to. It might take two on the mistake I made but it doesn’t help with someone else during the same as I did with different in tenseness from my, but either way I smart on how to deal with situations like that without making more mistakes that are worse.

  95. What a nourishing, encouraging and inspiring post. “We’re all recovering from something.” Ain’t that the truth?

    Congratulations on finishing your book. Let me know where I can find a copy.

    And my best wishes to you and your Mum for continued recoveries.

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  96. Caralyn, I came here to simply ask if I could use one of your text pictures. There is a leaf in it, and it says, “I still remember the days I prayed for the life I have now.”
    I came to your blogpost here to ask for that in the comments, but felt the Holy Spirit’s tugging to read this post… I praise Jesus I did.
    With tears, I have realized I have been hanging onto some destructive legalism (as if it were ever not destructive). It rears it’s ugly head a lot, but like your post said, I have not let it go because I felt comfortable and secure in it… not realizing I’ve been waiting to let it go.
    But Jesus wants me to let it go. And I choose to. Today.
    I praise Jesus, that you have allowed Him to use you. ❤
    Have a blessed day.

    (PS: Can I use the picture that I am talking about for a post?)

    Reply

  97. Hi BBB,

    I hear you. Lord, help us let go of the extra stuff that is keeping us from giving our best to the things you want to do with our lives. I pray you keep moving forward with your book. Keep pressing on!

    In Christ,

    Gary

    > beautybeyondbones posted: “Well, I just finished my book. I’ll hold for > applause. Juuuuuust kidding. 🙂 Although, it is exciting, and I did a > little happy dance last night to some Broadway show tunes to commemorate > the occasion. But it’s been really interesting to have to go b” >

    Reply

  99. Hello! I’m in the middle of writing a book about when I used to have an eating disorder (and this blog post really hits the nail) I would love to read your book! And do you think there’s any way I could quote some of this post in my book? (with, of course, all credit to you!) xxx

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  100. Good blog. I think you’re spot on about our trying to control our lives. I know that was something I faced especially in my past and it just ends badly, the harder we try to hang onto our life the worse things get. Thankfully Jesus stepped into my life and I finally saw (and am still growing up into) that I don’t have to control or fix anything, Jesus already did it freely, I just live in His victory, His love.

    Thanks for the like, too!

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  102. Congratulations on finishing your book! I know first hand how vulnerable you feel writing a book that deals with past pains. Praying God uses it to direct ladies to the hope and freedom found in Jesus!

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  105. Congratulations. I am so very glad you have finished your book. It has been hectic here for some months as I have moved house, but one theme that has cropped up repeatedly in my mind, particularly when the pains of furniture moving etc. kicked in, is Jesus’ strange question to the paralytic man at the Bethesda pool, ‘Do you want to be healed?’ My first reaction is ‘What? Of course he did/I do!’ but on reflection, we sometimes play to the gallery, even more perhaps when that gallery is ourselves (the gasps, the slightly exaggerated limp!) . Possibly that is just me, but you really put it in perspective saying how we need permission to let go of our suffering. Oh, we do! Thank you so much for all you write, I have been otherwise occupied for so long now that to come back to your news was delightful. I look forward to buying my copy. You write well, any editor you choose will have an easy job.

    Reply

    • Thank you so much Anthony! Gosh, what a thoughtful response. “Do you want to be healed?” – it really is a powerful thing to think about. Thanks for your encouragement. big hugs xox

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  107. This is so sad and so beautiful. I think you do have authority to help people change their lives. Loss and pain and struggle leave you so empty. My writing is more tongue and cheek, but yours gets right to the heart of it. Congrats to you for being so brave. Women need to hear a voice like yours. 🙏

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  108. Ah how your words are always very true. the Truth- God. I suffer from a mental illness- and a hard part of my progress/my “Homework” is letting go! and how easy it can seem to those not struggling- “just let go!” and although I still slip up, and often forget for awhile, I always go back to what my mother has always taught me “Let go and Let God” and my other go to (which has really helped me these days with some family issues)– “put your worries in God’s hands. just take them off your chest and he will embrace them” and it honestly works!!! it removes that overwhelming feeling!

    Anyway- congrats on finishing your book- what an achievement in itself! XOXOX

    Reply

    • Thank you so much friend! I appreciate you sharing in the excitement with me. and thanks for sharing part of your story. Yes, let go and let God! big hugs xox

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  110. I for one can’t wait to get my hands on a copy! Congrats on finishing your book and thanks for another beautiful post!

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  111. Oh, dear! God does act in mysterious ways, doesn’t He? I can’t believe I decided to read this particular entry on your blog. It was as if God was talking to me. I know you read my last entry on my own blog, the one about faith and divorce. I saw you gave it a like (thank you, by the way.) So I know you know what I’m talking about. I have to trust. I have to believe He’s got me and that I have to, no, I need to let Him have me, catch me, take me in His hands and arms and take control.

    I think the problem with us is fear. Fear of the unknown. We fear to such a point that we rather cling to the little control we think we have because it is a known thing for us. We rather keep doing what we are or may be doing, even if it’s bad for us, because at least we know what we are dealing with. The minute we let go, we lose that false sense of control and it’s scary.

    This is the very reason why abuse victims stay in the abusive relationship in the first place. (There are many other reasons, but the main one is fear.) They don’t know how life can be outside the abusive relationship. So they stay because at least, they’ve learnt how to live under thise circumstances. But seeking help, walking out, not knowing where to go or how to go it’s scary.

    I think I’m starting to believe in small miracles, such as finding a blog entry loke yours, a flitting word spoken here or there, a randomly tuned radio station with some unknown host that seems to have walked your walk, the store employee you casually start to talk to while she is bagging your groceries and shares an experience that only you van relate and understand, the priest at Mass who gets completely off the tangent during the sermon and starts talking about some random topic that might be random to those in the congregation but it’s not random to you, the little tap your 2-year old gives you on your back as if saying “mommy, don’t worry, everything will be alright and I got you, so don’t cry,” as if your 2-yr old would be the adult and not you… all those little miracles are actually God’s doings. I have to believe that. I need to believe that. And that had to be the doings of a loving God, not a God full of wrath. There’s hope after all and it can be found in the most unthinkable places.

    Thank you, BeautyBeyondBones! You’re God sent, at least to me you are.

    Isn’t it amazing where our paths can lead us? Hadn’t you had anorexia and hadn’t I had to go through divorce, we would have probably not been in here, writing blogs, and we wouldn’t be sharing these words.

    Thank be to God. 🙂

    Reply

    • Thank you so much for this thoughtful response. I’m so glad that this struck a chord with you. amen! We need to let Him catch us! And you’re so right – fear is such a controlling emotion. We need to trust in a loving God. And amen for miracles. I fully believe in them too! And it’s true, God will work all things for good and bring it all full circle. thanks again for stopping by and for sharing your heart. big big hugs xox

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  112. Oh, dear! God does act in mysterious ways, doesn’t He? I can’t believe I decided to read this particular entry on your blog. It was as if God was talking to me. I know you read my last entry on my own blog, the one about faith and divorce. I saw you gave it a like (thank you, by the way.) So I know you know what I’m talking about. I have to trust. I have to believe He’s got me and that I have to, no, I need to let Him have me, catch me, take me in His hands and arms and take control.

    I think the problem with us is fear. Fear of the unknown. We fear to such a point that we rather cling to the little control we think we have because it is a known thing for us. We rather keep doing what we are or may be doing, even if it’s bad for us, because at least we know what we are dealing with. The minute we let go, we lose that false sense of control and it’s scary.

    This is the very reason why abuse victims stay in the abusive relationship in the first place. (There are many other reasons, but the main one is fear.) They don’t know how life can be outside the abusive relationship. So they stay because at least, they’ve learnt how to live under thise circumstances. But seeking help, walking out, not knowing where to go or how to go it’s scary.

    I think I’m starting to believe in small miracles, such as finding a blog entry like yours, a flitting word spoken here or there, a randomly tuned radio station with some unknown host that seems to have walked your walk, the store employee you casually start to talk to while she is bagging your groceries and shares an experience that only you van relate and understand, the priest at Mass who gets completely off the tangent during the sermon and starts talking about some random topic that might be random to those in the congregation but it’s not random to you, the little tap your 2-year old gives you on your back as if saying “mommy, don’t worry, everything will be alright and I got you, so don’t cry,” as if your 2-yr old would be the adult and not you… all those little miracles are actually God’s doings. I have to believe that. I need to believe that. And that had to be the doings of a loving God, not a God full of wrath. There’s hope after all and it can be found in the most unthinkable places.

    Thank you, BeautyBeyondBones! You’re God sent, at least to me you are.

    Isn’t it amazing where our paths can lead us? Hadn’t you had anorexia and hadn’t I had to go through divorce, we would have probably not been in here, writing blogs, and we wouldn’t be sharing these words.

    Thank be to God. 🙂

    Reply

  115. Looove this! It’s amazing how we all face seemingly “unique” struggles yet God’s response to us heals all. Thank you for sharing what He does for you!

    Reply

  118. Amazing! I went through a short period because I moved overnight three states away from where I grew up, I had other very bad experiences, and the stress of it all prompted me to eat like crazy. I gained 50 lbs in a year. Then I realized it was because I wasn’t giving ANYTHING to God. I was bottling up all this hurt, anger, sadness, and newness to a wonderful place inside. I eventually lost those 50 lbs, but then gained around 20 back recently because of a horrible breakup and bad situation. Once more I found myself not letting go, instead of letting God. Every time I allowed God to be and work in my life, I had self-control and peace. Moral of story, when the Lord is your Father, and you daily choose to seek Him without getting caught up in the things of life, including Him in it all, backsliding is difficult to do when you have God amidst it all. 💙💙

    Reply

  119. Seriously your voice and tone on your podcast is amazing! Very well written and communicated! I love how you reflect on the person “you use to be.” Congrats on your book….im inspired!!!!!

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  121. Thank you for this post. Giving up control and real surrender of your life is hard but must be done for His plan is so much greater than ours. Your lessons have been so valuable to me and I’m sure many many others.

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  123. I don’t know whether I mentioned before or not, but for diet issue, use barley with milk stir it to a point where it becomes solid. It will help recover your lost diet in no time.

    But it will take 45 minutes to make it solid. Use it and it will bring you back. And all these thoughts will vanish

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  124. Our fears must challenged even if we need to soak them in tears to give us balance, because our beast thrives in the shadows of our darkness, render it on to the light and fear loses it bite.

    I enjoy reading this, you have a radiant glow to you that come out in your pictures very becoming.

    Reply

    • Thanns sandy, for this thought reflection. You’re so right- render it on to the light and fear loses its bite. Wow what a true statement! Thanks for you kind words. 🙂 Hugs and love xox

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  126. I knew there was a connection between us. As I read more of your posts, I find I’m reading about myself. I suffered with anorexia my first year of college. I’m glad I was able to break the stronghold that had come over me. It was my dad, the one person I thought wouldn’t notice, that called me out of my sickness. Congratulations on finishing your book! I recently finished mine, as well. And yes, I don’t think people understand how difficult it is reliving your past. I grieved for two years–nonstop. Keep up the good work!

    Reply

    • Hi Mari, thanks so much for sharing that. I’m so sorry that we have that in our pasts that connect us, but I’m so glad that we’re both living in freedom! And congrats on your book! You’re right- going back is a difficult difficult thing. Sending massive hugs to ya xox

      Reply

  129. You are an amazing being, who has been through a lot of facets of life. I don’t read your posts always, but whenever I do, I love the positivity that you imbibe. Its always an inspiration to come across such human beings as you are. So from another unknown soul somewhere far away, here’s wishing you the best and the strength to hold that positivity for yourself and all those that continue to be inspired by it!

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  130. “we are all recovering from something” – simple words that are so true! It is often the simple words that carry the most weight.
    Thank you so much for being willing to share of yourself. I am excited about your book! Congratulations.

    Reply

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