Tension at the Comedy Cellar

Last night, I went to the Comedy Cellar.

If you don’t know, it’s pretty much a New York institution where all the comedy greats have performed. And most nights, an unexpected celebrity comedian will swing by to “work out” a bit. Case in point, the last time my friend went, both Chris Rock and Dave Chapelle performed.

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ANYWHO. Last night, I went with my friend and a group of her co-workers.

And, honestly, it was everything you’d expect from a comedy club: over priced drinks, LOTS of couples on dates, and humor that honestly…was predictable, and insipidly  uncreative.

I mean, I knew the script coming in: Donald Trump was the butt of every joke. There were SO MANY bits about how dumb men are, and how angry and shrill females are. There were countless sex jokes. And enough drug references to make your ears bleed.

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Now. Truth time: I had a good laugh at most of said themes. Usually, it was out of sheer shock that the comic had the balls audacity to say such an outrageously crude thing, but I wasn’t like, sitting there being like the church lady on SNL.

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But there was a moment in the show that turned things around for me.

Now, if you’ve ever listened to stand up comedy before, you know that the format of most jokes is to make fun of something or someone. In my opinion, the best comics point the spotlight on themselves in a self-deprecating manner that everyone can appreciate or relate to. But most, sadly, will pick on a group of minorities or marginalized people.

And in said fashion, several of the comics last night used transgender people as that marginalized group to pick on.

I mean, lately, there’s a lot of “material” out there in the news, be it the bathroom debate, the army’s dispute, and other lewd themes that I’m sure you can imagine.

Well, everyone in the club was laughing away – I mean this was a pretty “safe” group to poke fun at, right?

Well, our table was not laughing.

In fact, you could have cut the awkward tension with a knife.

One of my friend’s co-workers, who was with us last night, was a trans man.

And it could not have been more apparent how stand up comedy, is really, actually, in truth…mean.

I realized how, everyone in that room was laughing at this person’s expense.

He was not laughing. His parents, also with us, were not laughing.

Now, I have a lot of thoughts about transgenderism. Thoughts that I will not get into today.

In that moment, when all of those people were laughing at transgendered people, and I happened to be sitting next to a good hearted, kind person, who just so happened to be trans, I was absolutely sick to my stomach.

This was a wound. A deep, soul-inflicting wound that this person has been struggling with, probably most of his life, that all of these people were just callously laughing at.

That is not okay.

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I couldn’t help but think about what Jesus would have thought if He were in that comedy cellar last night.

And I know, He probably never would have stepped His holy foot in there to begin with. But just, what if He were there.

Jesus wouldn’t have been laughing at that man. He would have been crying. He would have been holding that man, and hugging him, and weeping with him in his humiliation.

Because here’s the thing: every single one of us have deep wounds. We all are deeply wounded people. There’s no way around it: we’re all products of The Fall.

And who’s to say that one wound is “worse” or “uglier” than the other.

Jesus died for all wounds. And has showed us through example that each one of us deserves compassion and love.

Not ridicule and humiliation.
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Sitting at that table last night, listening to the room cackle at some insensitive joke about this man’s deepest hurt in his life, my heart just went out to him.

It doesn’t matter how you feel about the issue, at the end of the day, we are all children of God. We were all bought at the same price.

And therefore, we are all brothers and sisters, deserving of love and respect.

The bully-culture that we have grown so callous to – be it in the form of an anonymous tweet or Instagram comment, be it on the playground, be it in a “gossipy/excluding-one-person” email thread at the office, or on stage at a comedy club – this bully culture has got to stop.

We think our actions have no consequence – “it’s behind the screen of a computer, it’s not to the person’s face, it’s just pointing out the truth” – NO. 

Words hurt.

And last night I witnessed their sting and torment – not just to the individual – but to the victim’s loved ones too.

It’s time that we stop participating in the problem.

Stop following the instigators. Quit buying the magazines that push gossipy stories. Change the channel on the shows that perpetuate hurtful stereotypes and start speaking with love and respect. Speaking in a way that Jesus would want His children to speak to one another.

I have never really hung out with anyone who was trans before. And relaying this story to my dad today, he asked how the dynamic was with my group. And honestly, it was a lot of fun. We were all just a group of friends, laughing, hanging out, enjoying one another’s company. And sure, there were some difficult moments during the show, but at our table, there was love to be found. We all knew it, and it grounded the people there. And my new friend and his parents? They had a great time too. In fact, his dad even picked up the tab for the night.

Which just goes to show…love will prevail. Kindness and respect will overcome.

They always do.

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206 responses to “Tension at the Comedy Cellar”

  1. Another beautifully and sensitive writing. I agree with you 100%. I don’t care what my beliefs are on certain issues, it gives me no right to bully ANYONE!

    BTW: Congrats on the book!

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  2. Your post cuts to the chase regarding a huge problem with American culture. We are all hurting badly in one way or another and diminishing the vulnerable is an escape mechanism. I am from the Carol Burnett, Lucille Ball, Dick Van Dyke era where, as you said, the jokes were always directly inwardly.

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    • Thanks for this friend. Yeah – it really is a huge problem. that escape method is so harmful. We’re perpetuating the hurt Let’s work to come together to spread love! 🙂 Hugs and love xox

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  4. Another great writing, pastor! I just posted a blog http://www.discoveringandsharinggrace.com on what we do for the least among us. Of course, your friend is not the least among us….he may be one of the bravest among us. Yet, in our society now it is the marginalized people that so often face prejudice and ridicule. I really like how you posed the question of what if Jesus had been there. I believe His Holy Spirit was there and comforting your friend in a way we may not realize. We can’t really call it humor….perhaps change the name from the comedy club to the cruelty club?

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    • thanks Rick! i look forward to reading your blog! yes – that is such a convicting parable. Jesus called us to love. everyone. period. how easily we forget that. thanks for stoping by friend. Hugs and love xox

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  5. I agree completely with this post. There is no such thing as humor at the expense of someone — that’s simply not funny. (OK, I’ll make an exception for politicians and spotlight chasers — the Trumps, Snookis and Kardashians of the world.) For the rest of us, everyone has a story, an experience, a hurt, something. It doesn’t matter if someone is slow at speaking because they don’t know the language, stutter or have a brain injury — regardless of how they got there, I’m not going to make fun of their way of speaking. Same thing with sexual preference, religion on whatever. People are what they are for reasons I probably don’t know and that are none of my business. I treat them all with the golden rule — do unto others as you would have them do unto you.

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    • Hey Vic, thanks for this thoughtful response. You’re right – it’s not funny. Treating others with the golden rule is so beautiful. And how we’re supposed to do it. Thanks for stopping by. Hugs and love xox

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  8. Great post. Jesus didn’t go around bullying. He called people out of darkness. . .but not in a way that over-emphasized what they were doing. When He points out sin. . .He almost makes it smaller. . .by offering a hand to help get you out of it. That’s not being a bully, that’s being a friend.

    I like the song hero by super chick. It’s an anti bully song. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sbW8TpsNaAA

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  10. Sadly, even churches aren’t immune from being insensitive to transgenderism – in fact, they’re the source of some of the more confusing teachings about it. Focus on the Family says, “Because “transgenderism” violates God’s intentional design for sex and sexuality, we believe that this is a cultural and theological challenge that we must engage and win.” The SBC even drafted a resolution on transgenderism, in short it says: “We’re right that you’re wrong, but we’ll still love you (in a non-affirming way): http://www.sbc.net/resolutions/2250/on-transgender-identity”
    The problem is that they view ‘love’ in a disordered and confused manner. “Love” is when a parent smacks their kid on the hand and says “NO!” when they’re reaching for the hot stove. They view themselves as the parent and all members of the LGBTQ community as a toddler about to get burnt by their sinful desires. Bible.com adds: ” Their (that is, transgendered people) only hope for lasting satisfaction and peace is not by mutilating perfectly healthy bodies, but a transformation of their broken souls.” The tension at the Comedy Cellar that night doesn’t compare with the tension that the LGBTQ community experience at church on any given Sunday.

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    • I’ve had a brand of GD…(yet never labeled or became trans) personally the Church AND the world hurt me. It was individual Christians who told me the truth about how my gender (girl) wasn’t a mistake and that I don’t have to fit gender ideals to be a girl. I understand what these people go through because being ashamed of your gender is definitely not fun and it’s sad people go through it.

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      • And when some church (or worldly) people hear you have GD or GIC they look at you like your gross but I was just confused and scared….I hope to help people who have GD someday…Jesus understands that was the main thing that kept me from getting too upset.

  11. Haven’t commented in a while, but I have to say that transgenderism is dearly close to my heart. One of my best friends is non-binary trans and I am part of a organization that works to create non-discrimination policies to include trans people. Some Christians I know would have felt justified in bullying I’m glad you can see that we are all God’s children and he wants to love all of us. Thanks for sharing your perspective as always.

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  12. There has been so much pop culture i have removed from my life, with films the most removed, its good for me i know but its so frustrating trying to find decent films. Also i would very much love to know your views on the gay/trans issue, i know god speaks through you in a way i understand. Also views on ‘pride’. Hope you are ok x

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  13. A lovely, loving post, I feel. Thank you. I also think that, yes, would have been and was at that Comedy Club, even and especially amidst the “humor” laden with the ridicule, verily, the despising of “the other”. For if anyone knows about being the point, the object, the focus of death-dealing hate-filled speech and action, all of it mindlessly and heartlessly self-justifying, Jesus does.

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  14. THIS post, right here, is an example of the reason I enjoy your blog so much. You don’t simply speak as a Christian, but you live it. There is no room for judgment, is there? It’s been my experience that most trans-folks are simply people trying to find their way through the world, no differently than the rest of us. I don’t begin to comprehend the struggles of every single person, but there should always be compassion about another person’s struggles.

    Of course, this also gives me pause to think of my own life and ways I could have been different or treated someone different and I am humbled by your example of decency.

    Keep joyfully living the life you are living. You are a wonderful example for others.

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  16. Humiliation is never good that what they should joke about themselves for being comedians and not even humiliate other people on their issues that is a wound deep to them.

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      • Yeah I always make jokes with myself, like “I no have much common sense”, from a back injury that I don’t remember from beginning in the first grade, that gave me a shock to my body and my mind, I guess, “That I haven’t lost my mind yet, lol” my mind is strong, my family doctor say to my grand mother at that time.
        Also these past couple months ago I almost lost my mind on my Schizophrenia but I know fantasy from reality, that what kept me sane because crazy do run in my family, so I usually joke around by saying “I’m not Crazy yet” lol
        “But I never joke at people or with them meanly or less they joke with themselves first.”

      • I’m so sorry to hear that you’ve been going through this, Michael. you’re right- joking at other people is never good. Thanks again for stopping by. Hugs and love xox

  17. I would first like to say how much I appreciate your thoughts and story here. I can’t say that I’ve been in your exact situation before, but I understand the tension. Your conclusion really summed up how to respond and it really comes down to not only “what would Jesus do” but how would He respond? Thank you for sharing, it’s inspiring!

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  19. Awesome!! A post filled with compassion and insight! This is why I love reading Catholic bloggers, and many things about the Catholic Church. Good sense, combined with the love and truth of God.

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  20. I loved your post today. I try to explain to my children that Jesus loved and actively sought out the people that the world judged and mocked. He went to the tree to find Zacchaeus and to sit and dine with him. He could have more easily just kept going on His way, but Jesus loved Zacchaeus regardless of what the world thought of him. That was someone looking for a relationship. Jesus knew that loving someone was THE most important thing and that showing it was the only way to change the world.

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    • Aw thank you so much Samantha. You’re so right! That’s what my mom always told me growing up: to sit with the kid by themselves in the lunchroom and be their friend. So true – the Zecc story gives us so much hope. Amen to that. Hugs and love xox

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  21. Hey, Beauty! This sparked a lot of thoughts, mostly from graduate school and literary criticism, believe it or not. And I’d thought I’d NEVER use any of that egg-head stuff! Apparently I was thadly mithtaken! (no idea why I decided to lisp…??)

    This is the 500th anniversary of Luther’s start of the reformation. Lately we’ve been studying the differences between Law and Gospel – not always as easy as it sounds. Especially in practice. Perhaps a better topic for many churches – especially those that spend more time condemning trans people than reaching out to them – is to tell the difference between sin and sinner. Or more to you analogy, the wound and the wounded!

    More on Patreon!

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    • Thadly mithaken hahha oh gosh this made me chuckle 🙂 thanks Jeff. Oh wow! 500 years that’s incredible. You’re right- things are definitely easier in theory than in practice. Can’t wait to read more! Hope you’re having a great night! Xo

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  22. Thank you so much for the thought and love you bring to the world. Yours is a healing soul! My thought as to what Jesus would do: he would go into that comedy club. And just like you, he would give his love and support to the transgenders in the audience. He also would forgive those “who know not what they do.” They are asleep. I believe all of us will awaken; each in our own time. God bless you for the good work you do in this world.

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  23. Preach girl. preach! Your words ring truth! Yeah granted comedy is supposed to be funny but not at the expense of degrading another person and their culture or choices. Thanks for sharing Caralyn! It’s always good to read the positivity in most of your posts!

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  24. Hi Caralyn. You are a Blessing, as you take on topics that are so pertinent to life in these days. Thank you, as always, for bringing your life in Jesus Christ, and His life in you, into your writing.
    Hearing anyone poke fun at, and bully others, always causes me to wonder if the bully himself needs to do that because he has poor self esteem, and needs to lift himself up that way.
    Anyway, back to last night, the parents of your trans friend must be “alright” people too, as they accepted the change, and going out in public together, rather than disowning, as some have been known to do.
    For your friend to sit there, taking it in, without showing signs of anger, I believe shows a sense of self assurance as well.
    Unconditional love is what our Saviour, Jesus Christ, showed to each person He met, and we are to do likewise. We don’t have to agree, but we are not to condemn, nor try to destroy another person either.
    God’s Blessings Caralyn,
    Luv and Hugs, 😀🌹❤️
    George

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    • Oh George. Oh you are so incredibly wonderful. Thank you for such generous words. You’re so right, it was a powerful witness of love and acceptance. And you’re right – we are not to condemn. Just love. Thank for stopping by and I hope you have a great night. Hugs and love xox

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  25. “It doesn’t matter how you feel about the issue, at the end of the day, we are all children of God. ”

    This is it, in a nutshell. In one sentence, you’ve managed to capture so much of what Paul tried to get early Christians to understand, and what so many – too many – people today fail to grasp. We are ALL children of God. What a wonderful post!

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  26. Caralyn, Jesus WAS there last night, right inside of you! Whatever you have done for the least of these you have done for Him. Shine on sweet Lady! ❤️

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  27. (SDO) Social dominance orientation determines hierarchies in our culture.

    Transgendered, are the targets because of how they rank socially. My kid is gay she was bullied enough to try to take her life. We as good people, had a sense of community that is now lost. We may not have agreed on life but we didn’t destroy it at the expense of others.

    The internet has brought like minded people from both sides to their similar ideologies. The touch of realism, is exchanged for actual realism. In DC a man thought a pizzeria was housing children for human trafficking. Within the same timeframe a policeman shoots a man on Facebook live because he thought he had a gun.

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    • Oh my gosh Kenzie, that just breaks my heart. I’m so sorry your daughter has had to go through bullying. You’re right – for as much good as computers have brought us, they’ve also brought about some horrible and tragic consequences, like you’ve touched on. Thanks for stopping by. Hugs and love xox

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      • I was the only native kid in school and I was kind of smart. So, I was further alienated. Now you’d think groups of kids with higher faculties would react differently but, they really don’t there’s still the pack mentality.

        I never fit in. So, when my kid had those same issues I realized it’s a culture problem not a single occurrence.

        Does it get better? Probably not and that’s how minorities have understood that divide in America because of the lack of emotional intelligence in the common person for everyone. To treat others with the same respect they demand from those that they see as inferior.

        We cannot make reparations for past events and neither can we continue to blame each other for those events. The lynchings. The scalping and mass shootings that destroyed my culture is not what I see in the eyes of the nearest white person. Neither, the inferiority I’m taught to feel in social interactions. So, what’s left? Just two people. The word bully is a bit of a contradiction because when you stare down a bull it wants to kill you but a bully. Just wants power over you.

        The reversal is comedy. It’s really all the weaker side has to resist.

  28. As always I love your heart and how you communicate that. I used to be a funny girl and when I drew closer to Jesus, I joked less. Not because I stopped being funny or knowing God has a great sense of humor but knowing also people have feelings and wounds and we are responsible for what we do to those. Healing balm or crass joke? I feel ya. Hugs!! ❤

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  29. I personally don’t enjoy stand- up comedy because like you said, most of the time they are poking fun at people or saying the same thing you’ve heard before about a minority group. I simply find it mean and degrading. Joking at somebody else’s expense is so not acceptable. It begins with school and is considered as bullying and when it ends as stand- up commedy, it’s applauded. Beautifully written article!

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    • Thanks so much 🙂 wow what a kind thing to say. And thanks for asking about my book! I’m not sure the exact URL yet, but I’ll do a big post on it when the time comes:) thanks for stopping by! Hugs and love xox

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  31. Bless your feeling heart! There are reasons to why we are were we are. And you were meant to be there and be a friend in an awkward time. Words are weighty on people’s souls, but your words are always uplifting, thought provoking and perfect for the subject. Blessings to you.

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  32. You are a legend. Don’t stop writing – I love to read ( and let God speak to me) through your words. You are doing us all a favour by being you – and I for one (an ex Christian but still a believer) I’m open to what God might say to me through you. That has to be good doesn’t it?

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  33. I am so grateful that I found your blog. You are real in a way that I really appreciate – it’s honest and it challenges me to respond honestly too. I wish you every blessing and I wish you peace 💜

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  34. Truly, we are all deeply wounded and our wounds are unique to us. Many times we are unable to understand the wounds of others and that’s the root cause of insensitivity. Thank you for sensitively putting this issue out there. Bullying, even under the shadow of humor, is 100% hurtful and wrong.

    And congrats on the book! I really look up to you and appreciate the work you put into adding value online ❤️

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    • Thank you so much. You’re so right – we’re all in the same boat. And so true! Humor is bullying in disguise. Powerful thought. Thanks for your kind words. Hugs and love xox

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  35. Uggh, sorry for your friend’s pain. Entertainment is supposed to give us a bit of escape, not escalate the tension of life. Glad there was a table of friends to take the edge off of the mean stuff.

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  37. Speaking with compassion and mercy, sadly a skill many of us have yet to learn and develop.
    C, will there be a chance for your book to be purchased in South Africa? Where can I learn more about it, I’ve got some close friends that I think would greatly benefit from it

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    • Thanks so much Tom. You’re absolutely right – compassion and mercy are so important. And wow thank you! I’ll look into international sales and let you know where you can get it! Thanks for sharing in the excitement with me 🙂 Hugs and love xox

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  38. The Jesus I know WOULD have been there to comfort the aggrieved, to ping on the conscience of everyone in attendance (Will I be the butt of the joke tomorrow?), and even to inspire you to write about it.

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  39. I am like you in the fact that I don’t understand why being mean is entertainment for human beings? Jesus can come back any minute – please and thank you.

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  42. I’ll be completely honest here, I just don’t understand transgenderism and as with most things I don’t understand, it seems really bizarre to me.

    BUT, despite what my moral code says, despite what my feelings are, despite the fact that I just don’t get it, I am still commanded to love that person.

    I do know that I can understand pain and humiliation. It doesn’t matter what a person wears or what they perceive themselves to be.

    The comment above by James, indicating that Jesus WAS there and inspired you to write about something I once would have thought was insignificant. I would never have empathized with someone different than me because I was completely focused on my own pain.

    Thanks for writing this today.

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  43. Amen young lady. Love should prevail. We are all children of God. He made us all and no one should judge others. I love everyone no matter what. People are people not things just because they may be different from us. Blessings.

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    • Thanks Corrie 🙂 you’re so right – love should prevail. That is so beautiful. People are people 🙂 thanks for stopping by. I hope you have a great weekend! Hugs and love xox

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  44. You are so right. It IS time we stop participating in the problem. We all do have our wounds and issues. Not everybody sees that. I am glad you posted this.

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  45. I am an atheist, but I take no offense at anyone’s religious affiliation. And this, “And therefore, we are all brothers and sisters, deserving of love and respect.” should be “gospel” no matter the pulpit. Great post! ☺

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  46. I was thinking of sitting this blog post out, because I am careful around hot topics such as this one. However I decided against that. I commend for showing love. However I cringe at the fact that you were at a comedy club and somehow you were getting entertained by a group of some well known comedians and some not so well known comedians.

    I totally understand that you wanted to have a good night on the town, that’s allowed, but to tell the truth and with great love I say this to you. hearing crude and and unusual language offends the Lord and grieves his Spirit. That doesn’t mean that you can’t go out and have fun with friends, it just means you have to repeat to yourself this question would Jesus be in a place like this? The short answer is NO! Now I don’t want to make it seem to you I’m somehow offending you in anyway.

    I write this way to you because I love your soul and your hair is nice too… I also know how difficult it can be regarding separating from the World. However it is a must as Christians that we do that. I think the world needs to understand that as Children, the people who are the real deal are not judgemental, we don’t sit at the table while having a supper with a spoon in one hand and are eyes gazing over the chapter of Exodus most notably studying the Ten Commandments in the other hand.

    After all there is nothing wrong with going out to the Olive Garden for dinner to have the company of friends with vast amounts of ice cream vs traveling to a Irish pub eating some nachos and drinking a beer. Alcohol doesn’t equal to having a good time, but copious amounts of ice cream with the enjoyment of friendship around you does.

    If you are at all confused about this ask the Lord to open your heart to more of his understanding…
    Remember this, as children of the light we are to shine our light for all to see. Be not unequally yoked with unbelievers. HATE the Sin but LOVE the sinner. His or her soul is precious to the Lord.

    FYI: I really do think you have nice hair….

    This message has been written to you by THE CANADIAN!

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  47. What did your party do when it happened? I hope there were some boos from the audience or people walking out. That is NOT cool to pick on trans people. My heart goes out to your friend.

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  48. This is an issue I don’t fully understand even though I’ve been thrown into the conversation because people I love have questions about their own identity. The key word here is love. I say love first and let understanding come later. And Jesus may well have gone into that comedy club in order to heal the broken hearts that hide their own pain by making fun of others… something he’s helping me with all the time 🙂

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  49. I find most comic efforts these days reflect the ongoing debasement of society in the west and are consequently difficult to watch. I have to say though, I am surprised that this person was ridiculed as people with gender dysphoria are generally treated quite gently by most people. I find most of what I come across in the media is overly concerned with validating the condition and censorious of people who are critical of it. I suppose the difficult line to tread is between compassion for such people and encouraging them. Christ calls all people to Himself and is compassionate with every sinner and this is a message of hope for us all.

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  52. Sobering post. I have a friend who is a transwoman and I wrestle with balancing between love and truth. The family has gone through some horrible treatment from others. Much as my heart hurts over the choice she has made, it hurts equally over how others choose to be so cruel.

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  53. I don’t think Jesus would come to New York city! the sheer busy of business would make Jesus cry harder than he will sitting on Barbara Waltes couch. Coming from a comic I’m sorry you guys felt like that. We do go over the line sometimes ( not me, every other comic) lol. But on a serious note, comedy teaches us to be honest with our thoughts, opinions, and emotions. Its hard to be a comic and not have strong opinions. So if someone is kind of racist, comedy will let them have a voice that tries to explain why or for what reason they are racist. Ignorant people who become comics will be very edgy, and cross the line often. Now some things in comedy are hot topics right now and its dumb but for whatever reason a lot of comics are trying to talk about trans like they understand, when most don’t, and if you look at some of the more recent specials you saw dave Chapelle, Louis ck, etc talk about the community, so its just whats the it topic right now. and you went to the comedy cellar for gods sake go to the stand. Comics seem to talk about a lot more there.

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  56. Actually, Jesus was in fact there that night. He’s everywhere, in each one of us and in spirit, as well. Hr saw what happened. And don’t forget that Jesus used to surround himself of prostitutes and thieves. So I bet that He would have had no problems in walking into that comedy bar. 😉

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  57. And bullying sucks. I heard on the news an 8-yr old committed suicide in our state because of being bullied. It happens in and out of the screens and it’s getting worse by the day.

    We need to teach our children their true value so 1) They don’t bully others; 2) They know what to do if they get bullied.

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  58. I hope you don’t hate me for saying this: but “if Jesus were here,” I very much doubt he would discard the Scripture, “Male and female created He them,” because it might hurt someone’s feelings.
    You have, at least to a certain extent, overcome your eating disorder–with help from the grace of God. You don’t insist that teachers go into grade schools and tell little children that eating disorders are not disorders at all and anyone who disagrees with that is a Hater and a Biggit.
    We must not cast away truth because some people find it painful. These “trans persons” have not “transitioned” into anything. It is a delusion. Every cell in a man’s body remains male, no matter what he has done to himself externally.
    I don’t care what a bunch of alleged comics in New York have to say about any issue. But I do care about an appalling moral meltdown that also features a flat denial of reality.
    We should pray for sinners, not affirm their sin and say it’s good.
    We should pray for persons who are so troubled, so broken, that they want to change their sex, even though it’s impossible. We should not partner in their delusion.

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  59. Good to read your thoughts today, Carolyn. I am so glad you have had that experience. The whole LBGTi etc thing is contentious among Christian groups, and that’s cruel as well: the thing is, would Jesus condemn them? The church as an organisation doesn’t seem to ‘get’ this one! Whether as a butt of comedy or a publicised debate, it is not an issue to be thrown around lightly, or to be in the news headlines. It’s about our brothers and sisters, human beings, with feelings already mixed up and painful because they get labelled ‘different’. Some do exploit it in ways Christian may not like/approve of. Others are quietly being normal and you might not know they are, in this case, trans. The very idea of trans frightens many people. I have experienced trans friends and they are just ordinary, not super interested in sex, (transexual is different to transvestite) even staying in marriages made when they were not as they are now… and they have survived a lot of heartache and traumatic stuff …

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  60. “And it could not have been more apparent how stand up comedy, is really, actually, in truth…mean.”

    How true. Well said. and amen. One thing we do know about Jesus’ reaction. He would’ve been anything but mean.

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  61. oh my gosh! so sad. sometimes it’s not until you have a personal connection with someone who is the butt of a joke or victim of marginalization that one realizes how painful some of these ‘jokes’ are. Thankfully, the person at your table knew that you didn’t find it ok, and that you stood by him (figuratively).

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  62. Hey, friend!
    I thought I would never ask you about this, but I really have to because I don’t understand. I have been watching the media (CNN) and I saw on the news of the “white supremacist” marches that were going on and our presidency didn’t directly address it, and I wanted to ask you how you fell about this, because I did read your post on Donald trump but I am having a hard time into not thinking he is racist and the country, in general, is being racist. Please don’t see this as an attack I’m just a concerned citizen, I am also having a hard time to look past all the media.

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    • Thanks so much for your question. I’m actually putting a post together on this issue. The act of hate was so incredibly tragic. Increddddddibly sad. And disappointing. And disgusting. Thanks for reaching out. Hugs and love xox

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  63. Well Jesus probably wouldn’t have been at Comedy Cellar. He seemed to have a full program every day healing and doing morale boosting stuff and would have been too tired at night to attend. lol. However you make a good point. Whatever opinions we may have about how people are or act we need to be respectful to them as a human being. We all have feelings and are subject to occasional hurts and that should alert us to the fact humour can harm. Of course a little fun poking at myself is OK, and poking fun at friends who feel safe with you maybe OK too as long as there is no malice behind it. But we need to be cautious with what we say. As for politicians across the political divide, their antics do provide a lot of mirth though I’m sure that’s not their intent. 🙂

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    • Thanks Ian. Yeah I doubt He would have been caught in the CC. you’re right – words have power and we need to remember to use them with respect and love. Hugs and love xox

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  64. I enjoyed reading your thoughts on this topic. I have many friends who are LGBTQ, different religions, or have various addictions, and over the last few years I’ve learned you don’t have to agree with someone to love on them. We all have our own vices, addictions and sin, but Jesus still loves us, and in turn we need to share the love. It doesn’t mean we need to agree with or condone a particular action to still love on them and be a part of their support team.

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  66. The beautiful thing Caralyn, is that Jesus was there; he stepped his foot inside that door and he was present. He was present in you, he was present in your friend, and he was present in his parents, and in some measure he was present in everyone there. Because Jesus isn’t a religious snob and he actually isn’t ashamed of his children (:

    The beauty in our bones (excuse my shamelessly horrendous wordplay ;D) is that in Him we live and move and have our being and inversely in us He lives and moves and has his being. And that is one of the joys of the gospel and the key to putting an end to the bully culture because (ironically enough) everything we do and affect is seated in our perception of our identity, and we are all bearers of the divine image; we are all children–albeit many of us don’t know or understand our identity in this light. But how could anyone understand their true identity as invited partaker in the divine family if Father, Son and Spirit as an image bearer themselves….and see the same value in every other person because this value is true of every. other. person…. how could anyone perpetuate a bully culture inside of such love-saturation!? It is unfathomable to me.

    But what is even more unfathomable to me is the number of professed christians who do not actually understand identity or the value of the New Man… we have done such a poor job with what Jesus taught us.

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    • This is such a beautiful response. Thank you Carson. You’re right – Jesus is always with us. And that’s so true – we are called to live as His image barers, which translates to striving to put an end to the bully culture. Thanks for your kind words. Have a great week ahead. Hugs and love xox

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      • AH but it’s better than that 😀 because we aren’t merely called to live as image bearers but we were created as image bearers and the results of Jesus’ offering–one offering for all for all time to make all righteous where Adam made all sinners–(ALL! :D) is that ALL are perfected–which means christianity is so. Much. Simpler. Than the religiously over-political corporate western church has been teaching for maybe centuries–because the line between ‘in’ and ‘out’ is simply whether or not a person believes that Jesus has given them a new nature and accepts his life as their life WHICH MEANS….(if I were saying this outloud I’d be stopping to hyperventilate right about now #ilovetheinternet) putting an end to bully culture, putting an end to sin-conscious culture, putting an end to the lie that man is God’s enemy and God must be pleased, is all a natural cause of humanity realizing our identity in Jesus <3 oh my lanta there is nothing I want to see more than people grasping hold of the reality of their restored identities in Jesus–mini revivals everywhere you look simply knowing that Jesus is ALIVE in us 😀 <3 now that will be AMAZING! 😀

        ..jee…probably shoulda put a run-on-rant warning on that….haha, oh well 😀

      • I guess to put what I’m trying to say in a shorter, less frantic ranty way (can you tell you’ve touched on something I’m particularly passionate about? ;D) there’s no striving in true transformation – Jesus already promised a pure, spotless Bride. But in true identity–in His identity in me, in us–there is rest, and work out of rest which really isn’t work like our separation-saturated culture knows how to define because there is no rest outside of Father’s rest, but it’s out of this place of completion and wholeness in Jesus that suddenly, maybe without even being totally aware of it, our lives begin to affect the change we want to see and that’s when culture is transformed out of rest in the security of identity 🙂 <3

  67. Reading this gave me a few mixed feelings. Why is it ok to laugh at the expense of anyone else? Male, female, white, black, or whatever difference we can find? I asked myself if your friend laughed at any jokes that were at the expense of another group of people. In the end though, I wholly agree with you. We need to stop feeding a culture that derives enjoyment from the humiliation of others. I don’t understand or agree with everything or everyone, but the mandate in the Bible to love your neighbor as you love yourself has no exception on it.

    We WERE all bought for the same price (a lovely way of stating this) and so we should treat each other with the same love that we want. My heart hurts for your friend because I can’t imagine what it must be like to be the butt of mean joke, but I am comforted knowing that you were there because your heart is in the right place; in Christ.

    Thanks for sharing this event.

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  68. Such a powerful post. You’re exactly right: love will prevail. I’m sorry you, your friend, and his parents had to endure that.
    On another note, do you have any advice on how I could grow my blog’s platform? I have a Twitter account that I Tweet my post links to, and I tag my posts, but I’d like to generate an even bigger audience!

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  69. You are correct on all points except one. Jesus would buy one drink and cheat on the second one. To be fair he would provide a free round for everyone. He’s just that kind of guy.

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  70. In a nation that has become a spider’s web of chasms between race, culture, self identification, political beliefs, etc., it is next to impossible to communicate without alienating someone. We will never all be on the same page of what is right, all we can do is demonstrate our rejection of behaviors unacceptable to us.

    Many in today’s society would say you should have confronted the comedians whenever they offended you, but I do not concur with this assessment. When confronted with behavior or speech that is unacceptable, the best way to demonstrate your dissatisfaction is to walk away. The lack of feedback to their behavior will eventually encourage behavior change.

    Now that I have rambled on at 4:00 AM in the Midwest, I will close with one of my favorite aphorisms that is applicable to your post. It is:

    Ignore the imperfections in other people’s lives and your own can remain a mystery to you. ~ ME. Have a blessed day.

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    • I fully agree. By not engaging you’re not feeding the negativity with the attention and outrageous response they were desiring. Thanks for this thoughtful response. Hugs and love xox

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  72. “He was in the world, and though the world was made through him, the world did not recognize him. He came to that which was his own, but his own did not receive him. Yet to all who did receive him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God—children born not of natural descent, nor of human decision or a husband’s will, but born of God.” (John 1:10-12)
    Thank you for this thought provoking– and heart crushing– post. Not everyone is a child of God, as John states, but everyone is made in God’s Image. It is therefore heartbreaking to see a person, already marred by sin and so in need of Christ’s Love (as all of us are in one way or another), crushed. I will be praying that your friend finds Jesus’ Love and Truth! ❤
    The church is bad at showing both Truth and Love to the LGBTQ community. I stumbled upon a YouTube series called “Messy Grace” which is all about loving the LGBTQ community with both Grace and Biblical truth. Thank you for sharing such love for this man.

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  74. He definitely wouldn’t be there or would He? Jesus ministered to sinners. He ate with them, and spoke to them. He was found among them, much more than the “church” officials. I don’t think He would partake of most of the activities, but He would minister for sure. He would probably say to the comic, “He who is without sin be the first to cast the stone.”

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  75. I find our world is becoming a sadder and sadder place to live everyday. We call good evil. Hatred love, war peace and human misery a joke. Yet we have this hope inside. Goid job letting it shine.

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  76. I came to this blog because I read the comment by D.P., on your last post (I think that was the initials even though the name was given.) I want you to go and delete it out. I am furious!!! Do not respond to it as if you read his profile you would see why. There is something wrong. One time BBB I was spoken to like that and the Lord said to me at that moment, “Tell him not so speak to my daughter that way.” I did and it stopped. You are God’s daughter as well.

    At moments like this, this is when we have to depend on God to defend us. I always ask God at these times (I get it from the Psalms) “Do let me eat of the delicacies of the wicked and do not let their oil anoint my head.” I do this because if we begin to dwell on these things, what happens is we do “eat of the delicacies and their oil does anoint our heads. In doing so, it eventually consumes us.

    You know who you are in Christ, you know who you are in yourself, and I know who you are. I love you with all of my heart I want you to think about this also to help you.

    You know I am a Catholic. The names we are called, the lies told about us, and the many times we are sent to hell is at times, very tough to deal with. It never stops. However, it is a cross each and every one of us, have chosen to carry because of our love for Christ. In saying that, we have to trust Him to help us carry it, and defend us. Most of us do. This goes on almost daily in our lives in some form or fashion and it is extremely hurtful and agitating. It is very hard not to strike back, and sometimes I make it on that and sometimes I do not, but most of the time I do. So unite what he said what is said about me all the time, offer it for the suffering and give it to Jesus. I love very much. You can delete this out also if you want to. I just want you to know I am here. God Bless, SR

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    • Hi SR, thank you so much for defending my honor 🙂 hehe but seriously though, I can’t begin to tell you how much I appreciate your encouraging words and kindness. I don’t seem to understand why people choose to be cruel. thanks for going out of your way to be a good friend. it means a lot. and you’re right, we need to give our persecution over to Jesus. Nothing that we face on this earth, He hasn’t already been through, and that is definitely a comfort. Thanks again. big hugs to you xox

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  78. It’s strange isn’t it that humour can lower itself to simply looking fun at people in this box or that when there’s far more things to laugh at is you’re clever. Hope you’re well ❤️😘

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  79. F. Scott Fitzgerald said, “comedy is for those who think.” I think Louie CK, George Carlin and others prove that While I admit you need to have this inner daredevil-or unquenchable need for instant attention (Both?) and I could never get up on stage and do stand-up, I agree that a lot of stand up comedy is making fun of things, marginalizing, labeling…
    While I love me some Don Rickles, when done wrong it sounds like public shaming. My brother and his wife went to a comedy show and there was a lot of squirming in his seat when comedian went through a whole set about Jewish ppl.
    It’s funny until the joke is on you.

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  80. Again, I love your post. I use comedy to poke fun at my self mostly and others at times! I use it to make people aware and lighten the burden of those that are different! I have used the transgender subject before for a light hearted eye opener. Many people call it a mental disorder! I do too! If your not happy with who you are and you are struggling then by all means change who you are to be who you were meant to be and make your self happy and rid yourself of the mental torture you have gone through! That’s how I defend those who are different, and I use comedy to do so! I am not a comedian by far, nor can I blog worth a damn but YOU spread so many message that are so enlightening, you are awesome and where can I get your book? I’m in NY as well.. keep up the great work!

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  81. Trying to catch up on my blogs and I’m so glad I read this one. Jesus to love her neighbor as ourselves and who is our neighbor everyone who’s to say once and is worse than the other but he who is without sin cast the first stone

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  82. “My pain may be the reason for somebody’s laugh but my laugh must never be the reason for somebody’s pain.” – Charlie Chaplin

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