Virgin Shaming?

There are three things you should know about me.

Number One: My go-to drink is a vodka soda with two limes. With straight up-tequila coming in at a close second.

Number Two: It only takes 1/2 a drink for me to get notably tipsy.

Number Three: I am completely guarded in word and heart….until said tipsy state has been actuated.

Last night was one of those nights.

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I was catching up with a good friend of mine up in Harlem. We were at this really cool speakeasy with smooth jazz, exposed brick, high concept cocktails, and where the menus are literally pasted into old hard-cover books.

She and I were having a great time. Chatting. Laughing. Making friends with the cute bartender. You know. A typical Tuesday night for your twenty-something New Yorker.

But as the night went along, and the conversation had turned to dating and the atrocity of the modern day, “Swipe-right“-App-driven dating scene, I found myself opening my heart to her about some of my fears and struggles when it comes to the romance department.

And you know how, when you’re a little loosy-goosy, you can almost hear yourself talking – completely self aware of how you’re coming off, and yet simultaneously you’ve willingly abandoned the ability to filter what it is you’re saying?

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If that makes any sense at all?

Anyway, I’ll just cut to the chase here…

I literally heard these words come out of my mouth:

“I think I’m afraid to date because I fear that, because I’m a virgin, I won’t be enough for a man. I’d be a waste of time.”

And bless her heart, my friend was so kind and built me up and reassured me as any good friend would do.

But the following day, with sober-Caralyn reflecting on that cringe-worthy confession, it gave me a lot of emotions. A lot of “feels” – as the kids these days are saying. 😉

I’m going to be really honest – I’ve reached the age where, being a virgin is no longer “cute.” It’s more like…what’s wrong with her?

You all know my love for The Bachelor – and one of the themes that has come up recently on Bachelor in Paradise, – and frankly in the media at large – is the concept of “Virgin Shaming.”

And I can fully affirm, that that is absolutely, positively a real thing.

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I know that my virginity is nothing to be ashamed of, and truthfully, it gives me so much joy and peace to know that I will be able to give that to my future husband one day, but the fact is…right now...I feel like less of a woman. I feel like I’m defective. Or undesirable. Frankly, I feel a lot of shame and embarrassment.


And let me just say, I’m not looking to be built up or complimented or anything like that. I’m just processing a comment I uttered when my walls were down that quite honestly, shocked me. Frankly, I thought I was “stronger” than letting the pressures of society get to me like that. But I guess, my inner heart can still be wounded, no matter how tough of defenses I try to enact.

I think I’m at a very dangerous crossroads of two very different paths. One, of a closed off existence, lived in fear and shame – having cowered away from even looking for a man, simply because I’m afraid of disappointing someone with my non-easiness. Or the other road, where I remain emotionally open and receptive to a relationship – dare I say: even seeking one out, with the confidence and assuredness in my decision to remain a virgin until marriage.

Because it’s either one or the other. There’s not really much grey area anymore – I’m either open to love, or I’m not. And am I really going to let my self-consciousness in the lack of knotches on my belt be the determining factor?

That would be quite the tragedy.

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I guess, this is just my public proclamation, that I am not going to let the shame I may feel get the best of me and dictate the direction my life is going to take.

Because the fact is, I do have a lot to offer a man.

And I’m going to be a damn good wife, if I do say so myself.

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But I can’t be afraid to put myself out there, just because I’m nervous about what he’ll say.

Will it be a deal breaker for some guys? Yes. Probably most guys.

But not for the guy. Not for the right guy.

But I’m not going to meet that guy if I just reject every offer that comes my way and swear off dating, simply because I’m afraid. That’s a pocket veto if I’ve ever seen one.

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SO. Before the month is over, I’m going to go on one date. By Oct 1. I have to stop turning down opportunities, and actually accept one date. I’m asking you to hold me accountable. Okay?

Kapeesh?

Good. Thanks. Glad that’s settled.

Now please excuse me while I go and try to ‘be approachable’ at Barnes & Noble.

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703 responses to “Virgin Shaming?”

  2. It is not that you are less of a woman because you are a virgin. Others are less of a woman if they have never been married and are not a virgin. Why? Because you have purity and others gave their purity away for free.

    Reply

    • Hey! I love that you are seeking to encourage this awesome blogger. I don’t feel like it is necessary to shame others who have made mistakes. I believe that Jesus forgives people and even restores their purity and virginity. I have friends with testimonies of this. How about we keep things shame-free in all directions? Hugs!

      Reply

    • i appreciate your affirmation. I just want to pop back and say that I don’t believe that not being a virgin makes someone any less of a person. Because Christ makes all things new 🙂 That’s all 🙂 I’m glad you stopped by tonight! big hugs xox

      Reply

      • I think jollymabond may have been reacting to the comment by heavensrecord… that was my take anyway. Always appreciate your honesty.

  3. I think it’s wonderful that you are strong enough to wait for the right man! Why it matters so much is a shame. I’m proud of you and I know the right man will come along and be perfect for you!

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  6. Pastor, once again I am so proud of you. Get Tim Tebows book at the bookstore , read it and then get in touch with him. Minor league baseball finishing up so he will be commenting on SEC football for tv. Say hi to your mom. I pray for you and your family. Ok. Let’s see how this sounds……Mrs. Tebow! I like it! Hope you do too!
    Idea fromGod’s Holy Spirit!

    Reply

  7. Look at it this way-your man will be the WHOLE package with a pretty bow. It’s a gift, remember that. The right man will know that too. You’re 100% woman and you roar. Walk intentional, you’ve been intentional this far, don’t let a loose society saturated in sex make you feel like you’re somehow less because you haven’t subscribed to it. Awesome is what it is. You. Go. Girl. 💋

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  9. The most important question we need to ask ourselves, is, “How does God see this?”
    I was a virgin when I married, but I was a harlot in my thought life. In God’s eyes I was not a virgin. Another woman may have slept around, but then repented and received forgiveness. She is made pure by the blood of Jesus.
    Remember, we have no righteousness of our own. We cannot boast in our own purity, but only in that of Christ our Saviour.

    Reply

  12. This post is refreshing! Please do not think of yourself as less of a women. You have so much to offer!

    On another note I absolutely love reading your blog!

    Reply

  13. As hard as it is, don’t let our culture dictate your feelings on this issue. You have remained strong in this because of your convictions and FAITH that the right man will come along at the right time. The right man, a man of God, will be honored to have a woman who respected herself and her relationship with Christ (at least he better!). Don’t let the darkness in our culture keep you from shining brightly in your pursuit of purity.

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  14. Stay true to the standards of God. Then you will not have to worry about sexually transmitted diseases, ungodly soul ties and messes. You will find the right man who will love you for who you are. Awesome!

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  15. its a sign of the times, when ‘virgin’ prior to marriage, is something to cause embarrassment! Bravo, for your principles, and bravo for your openness here. A principled man, and a principled woman, with Jesus as his /her center, honors his/her betrothed, honors God, and sets a pure example. While I was a worldly man once upon a time- and had a lot to repent of, my subsequent rebirth, purity in dating and subsequent wedded life has been a blessing. Oh, one more thing, I would NEVER go on a date without another couple, in the faith, chaperoning one another. keeps fun in – and sin, out.

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  16. I just want to thank you for posting this. I feel the reality of this shaming as well, from peers as well as even high school boys. And it makes me angry. It makes me furious that someone would condemn me because my standards are an inconvenience to them. And I think that anger is righteous, because shaming women who are virgins for staying true to God is despicable. And on this rant, I also feel a need to bring up the double standards that accompany this shaming. Women are expected to have sexual experience to be worthwhile, but at the same time cannot be sluts, whores, zipperless, easy, or whatever else they may call those who choose to sleep around. I do not expect my views to be sympathized with by many, so I thank you for staying strong with me in this pursuit of God and all He has for us. You are a blessing.

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    • thanks for sharing this, friend. I’m sorry you can so personally relate. Yeah, you bring up A LOT of great points here. I wish there was a spirit of love and compassion all the way around in society. Glad you stopped by! big hugs xox

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  17. Hey! I just want to encourage you to never let the viewpoints of this world make you change yours. I don’t know if you have read this, but a while ago I wrote about my stance on virginity as a 22 year old man. There are guys out there that are waiting for marriage! Guys out there that really really respect virginity. Keep persevering and don’t lose heart.

    https://wanderinginwondertoday.com/2017/02/14/girls-dont-deserve-roses/

    Reply

  18. The witness to virginity is important for a reason most don’t admit. The cultural assumption and assertion that we are unfulfilled and incomplete without sex going on is great for those who are sexually active, but absolutely cruel to the many, many people who lose access to sexual intimacy due to factors like
    illness
    age
    can’t compete in the looks department (that’s real)
    survival of childhood abuse or rape at any age (not universally true but does impact intimacy for many)

    There’s also a witness to the church: to many Christians fail to reflect on the high respect given to chaste disciples in the Bible itself. We go with a cultural assumption that to be a Christian is to get married and have kids. Not at all true, all though marriage and parenting have an honored place in Scripture.

    I write all this as a married man (coming up on 28 years), still sexually active (but willing to admit that frequency and performance are not the same as in younger years).

    To despise virginity is to tell me that my life is losing significance as sexual activity becomes less of a defining part of my life, and to tell those who are not sexually active that they are “lesser than.”

    Sorry if it is TMI, but your post was pretty open and honest and I wanted to add on because this is important to many people.

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  19. Your number 2. Yes me. 3. Yep that’s me too.
    Actually this whole post is me. You basically took the words right out of my mouth!!! I turn down guys because I’m ashamed of my virginity. Like literally I love this. Thank you for being brave enough to write this and accept a date! I’m rooting for you!!

    Reply

  20. Anyone who knows me or reads my blog knows I was not degrading or shaming anyone. If someone took my comment personally, that was their conscience, not my intention. I see you decided to cya with your latest comment.

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    • I know that was not your intent at all. and I fully know that you are a good hearted, faithful person. I just wanted to clear up any possible misinterpretation, that’s all 🙂 no hard feelings!! 🙂 hugs to you friend xox

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  23. I know there is shaming out there. I think the guys that will look down on you will be the boys that just want sex, though. If you find a man, and he is looking for a relationship, I can’t see how he would shame you for keeping your virginity. That may be due to my naivety, though, but I really think he will respect that! I only slept with the two I was married to, and I would have had great respect if one of them had done the same.

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  24. If you are twenty something, you’r young and you have no reason to rush anything. I think if someone thinks it’s something wrong in you, it is just telling about this society these days. There is so much sex everywhere, too much. Everybody “should be” doing it all the time. I don’t! I feel there’s so much more important things to do. Sex is way too overrated!

    I was 21 when I started my sex life. I felt myself really old but I really wasn’t. You will have time to have sex enough later. It’s great you haven’t rush it only because you “should” be doing it already! Too many people have done it.

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  25. I’m sorry to hear you’re ashamed of something you ought to be proud of…or at least confident in. It shows how drastically society has taken a turn for the worse… Perhaps 100 years ago this would not have been an issue. Don’t let the prevailing social attitudes define what is good or bad, right or wrong. Let God and your conscience do that. Don’t let other people tell you how you should behave or feel when you know they’re wrong.

    When I find myself agreeing with the world’s harmful value system, I try to remind myself to surround my eyes and my brain with things that promote higher standards, and stop reading/watching media that espouses bad values. For example, instead of watching Sex and the City, you could watch Hacksaw Ridge—a movie about a guy who stood up for his faith and convictions, enduring everyone’s scorn then becoming a hero and saving all his former bullies’ lives.

    Try to fill your time and mind with these kinds of role models and media. Let THEM dictate what is “the norm” for you. Refuse to absorb the selfishness, sensuality, and consumerism in pop culture, and find things and people that promote selflessness, integrity, and compassion. Make that your standard. If you want to become an angel, don’t spend time on devils or on their propaganda. It’s hard, but worth trying.

    Trust me, not everyone (and I’m not just talking about the older generations—I am around your age) agrees that losing your virginity before marriage is good, or even acceptable, no matter what Hollywood or popular culture tries to make us think is “the norm.”

    Sorry for the long comment. I just wanted to say: You are not alone in your decision. I’ve made the same one, and I hope I can encourage you to stop feeling bad about it…and you can use your influence to encourage even more young women (and young men) to not feel ashamed of something they have no reason to be ashamed of.

    Be strong 🙂

    Reply

    • this is such such great advice. thank you so much for this awesome reflection. you’re so right – I’ve got to keep focused on those upstanding things, and not let society or the media dictate what I think about and how I think about myself. No need to apologize for a long comment!! i honestly appreciated every single word. have a great night! Hugs and love xox

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  26. As you rightly said.. the right man will love you exactly for who you are and will respect your decision. Your virginity does not define you – it’s just the shallow society in which we live in.

    All the best xx

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  27. I’ve often thought there are few things more noble than standing on the values that you hold dear. I am as excited for you now as I was when I became a fan of your blog. And yes, “the guy” will love you and the SO MUCH you have to offer. If I didn’t sound foolish even thinking it, I’d get in line for just one evening out with the one and only “beautybeyondbones”. You are truly amazing.

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  28. Virginity until marriage is AWESOME! My husband and I met when I was 28 and he was 32, and we had lived our own separate pre-Christian lives before that, so we weren’t virgins. However, we dated like we were, for a year and a half, and had sex for the first time with each other on our wedding night. Even though it’s tough now, it WILL be worth it! I hope this encourages you a bit! I can’t imagine how even more special it would have been if we could have been virgins on our wedding night.

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  29. I will be honest with you, I am so far past my 20’s that it’s not even visible in the rearview mirror.

    That said, I don’t understand the current attitude towards sex. It’s like if you haven’t done it by the 2nd or 3rd date you’re weird. Talk, kiss, sex – dates one, two, and three. Just another thing to do, no real meaning. Is it no wonder that abortion is just something to do if you forgot your pill, or he forgot to put “it” on?

    Nope, just don’t understand it.

    Reply

    • Thanks for this reflection. Yeah, there has definitely been a shift from it being a big deal, to being something you don’t even bat an eyelash at anymore. Glad you stopped by! Hugs and love xox

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  31. Thanks you for this post! Stand up for what YOU believe and think is right. I completely agree with your stance. And you’re right, the right guy will accept you for who you are. 🙂

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  32. All of this is true. You are not alone. I’m thirty and I’ve never even been kissed. And yes, there’s this weird balance between feeling like you’ve done a great job with self-control and feeling like you aren’t quite a grown up because you haven’t done something a thirteen-year-old can do. Which makes you wonder what’s so grown up about it. And round and round the thought cycle goes.

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  33. One of the worst places about it is … the church. I just *loved* this conversation.
    “are you married?”
    “no.”
    “dating someone?”
    “no.”
    “courtship?”
    “no.”
    “What on God’s green creation is wrong with you? Don’t you know your sole reason for existence is to procreate?”
    I think it’s because they do it in so many subtle ways. They don’t want to be obvious that they think you’re defective because you haven’t fulfilled your part in the circle of life. Things get really fun when they use follow-up questions like: “You do like the opposite sex, don’t you? because we can totally pray for you …”

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  34. better to not have regret. better not to give your heart away too quickly. better not to be heartbroken … stays with you a long time especially with eros involved. The right guy will respect your whole person, chastity included. Let Mary be your example. But also let reality be your guide that using another person leads to terrible heartbreak and shipwreck. Don’t sell yourself short, which I figure you wouldn’t.

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  35. I have even more respect for you now. It’s a wonderful thing to wait to have sex until you’re with the right person. It’s honorable, noble, ethical, and respectful. When I was growing up, some of my friends were having sex when they were 12 years old, which is scary. I waited until I was 17, but I still wish I had waited longer. It wasn’t the right guy. Waiting is a wonderful thing that I wish I had done. Good for you for standing up for what you believe in.

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  36. This is a great post! There is a ton of shaming, both virgin shaming and the shame of not having dated yet. There is the shame of not dating someone if you’re in your middle 20s (something I’m starting to experience a little since I’m 23), and then there’s the shame of being a virgin whether you’ve dated or not. Knowing friends who’ve maintained virginity while dating, there’s shame there too because others around you are like, “You’re not truly dating/living if you’re not maintaining your virginity!”

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  37. Never a dull moment on your blog page. lol. I marvel that someone hasn’t already gotten down on bended knee and plead with you to take them on as partner for life. There certainly isn’t anything wrong with you so it must be that men these days have no appreciation for beauty and brains. 🙂

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  38. You are absolutely amazing and should be so very proud of yourself. What you are like a pure diamond, well better. I don’t see any shame and the value of your virginity is priceless.

    Thanks for sharing.

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  41. Oh, girl. Thank you for writing this. I feel like there’s also a certain amount of ‘shame’ attached to being perpetually single; maybe that’s just in my head, but it’s incredibly tough when you do desire to be in a relationship, but no one’s asking. (To that point, the well-meaning reassurances don’t really help either; adding insult to injury, you know?) But I do also feel like I’m with you and at my own crossroads. I KNOW I’m young and have time, but am I really going to say, “I’m 24 and afraid of rejection for the literal millionth time, so I give up?” Quitting seems a little petty, but it’ll definitely take some work to encourage myself to stay ‘in.’
    Best of luck in your date before October quest, and here’s to waiting for the Right Guy. 🙂

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  44. An article published by Women’s Health Magazine in 2014 entitled Virgins Until Marriage: How Women Who Waited Feel About Their Choice stated the following:
    “A recent Harris poll found that 51 percent of people think that couples should hold off on sex until marriage, and (somewhat surprisingly) 47 percent of Millennials (ages 18-36) agree.” (http://www.womenshealthmag.com/sex-and-love/no-sex-until-marriage)
    It seems more people are waiting, like you, until marriage, and that’s a GOOD thing and an awesome choice! Open your heart, start dating, and those who are worth it will stick around and be interested in getting to know you, not just getting into your pants.

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  45. Miss Caralyn, so yeah on the one hand virgin shaming is a thing. We still deeply respect those who enter religious life. As a young Catholic woman entering religious life is not out of the realm of possibility. And while this feels like an either/or situation: either you open your heart or not – this is a little more nuanced than that. You pray, you discern, you listen – when we’re doing these things we’re open to the movement of the Holy Spirit, and listening to where the Lord want’s us. Perhaps you’re not accepting dates, not saying yes because of some prompting of the Holy Spirit.
    Maybe take half an hour every day for the next so many days or every week for so many weeks and head over to your fave parish for Holy Hour. Check out Theology on Tap. Last I knew there was a very vibrant group through the archdiocese http://catholicnyc.com/
    My guess is that there is more going on here than the written word. It’s kinda like drinking 1/2 a vodka with 2 limes it’s sometimes necessary, and sometimes regrettable, and nothing to be ashamed about.

    Teri

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  46. I get the whole there must be something wrong with you… I am 53 been single nearly all of my adult life and still a virgin. It’s worse for a guy than it is for a girl because there are all sort of negative stereo types that go with single middle aged man who never married. That being said I am comfortable in my own skin I don’t miss being with someone because it’s hard to miss what you’ve really had. Stick to your guns and never feel ashamed of who you are. Don’t be ashamed of holding on to your virtue cherish it and I pray God will give you a worthy man to share your life with

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    • Thank you so much for sharing this, Chrissy. I really appreciate your encouraging words and prayers. Yes, I just need to pray and wait on the Lord’s perfect timing 🙂 Hugs and love xox

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  47. There are still guys out there who respect this, desire this in a lady, and are even saving themselves for marriage. It takes a ton of discipline (I can only speak from the male perspective). I am encouraged by the fact that you have high standards. You are correct. The right guy will embrace this, and he is worth the wait. Don’t settle for less because you will find yourself disappointed.

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  49. I tell my daughter this all the time: There are plenty of people who are going to look down on you or treat you poorly. You shouldn’t be one of them.

    From my (relatively new follower/reader) perspective, it seems as if you have enough demons to fight without worrying about what is undoubtedly an asset. You’re correct: the right guy won’t be put off.

    Best wishes.

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  50. Girl.. You GOTTA test drive before you buy. Sex is an important part of a relationship, because sexuality is an important part of life.

    Dodge the bad sex bullet for the sake of your sanity, TRUST me;
    I was with a guy for four years who couldn’t even get it in because he would finish before it started. Hell, the disappointing sex life is the only reason I was able to get over him without missing him.
    I sincerely do not intend this in a judgmental way, its just, if I can prevent one woman from going through what I did I feel like my existence is worth something at least haha.

    I believe it was the sound and the fury that taught me that “virginity” is a patriarchal concept created by men.

    Anyway, best of wishes to you in whatever you decide to do.

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    • Thanks so much for this perspective Amanda. I really do appreciate you sharing your story! I have had a lot of people in my life encourage the “test drive!” Hahah 🙂 Hugs and love xox

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  51. Thank you for being real. Thank you for not tiptoeing around your faith. God is in the process of preparing an amazing man, worthy of you, battle scars and all. All the while, God is shaping you to be an amazing wife.

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  52. Wow! This is such an amazing post. I love your honesty. Its amazing how you feel the same emotions I feel. You’re a virgin and I’m not. I’ve done the save myself thing, then ended up divorced. I’ve done celibacy, but recently broke it. I feel the same feelings of inadequacy and some times I feel like damaged goods but every day I wake up I am reminded that I am just as new as the dawn. New happens over and over and over and guess what, there’s a place for every new thing just as there’s a place for every used thing. We are enough! You are a gem! God delights in you! He delights in me as well! Let’s agree not to believe those whispers anymore. We are the crown of our future husband. 👑👑👑

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  53. Its not any better for a guy that is still a virgin by choice. I proudly gave – not lost – my virginity to my wife (before nuptials but she was the ONE and been together for almost 20 years). It’s hard not to be self conscious about it when it’s the subject your face in this age we live in. I wonder what to say to my daughters except maybe to tell them my story when it’s time. Everyone has their own path in life. You’re a beautiful woman and God will introduce you to your special someone. He did with me.

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  54. I just like to add that it isn’t easy staying on the narrow path (speaking spiritually/ physically and emotionally) It would be easy to throw that away and embrace the worlds way. It is all too common and in the worlds eyes the norm to shack up sleep around and cruise the pubs and bars for one night stands. The consequence though is treating yourself and others like commodities that you can sell and resell night after night. I don’t want to be a second or third hand commodity that passes myself around or is passed around by others. At the end of it all the expectations become unreasonable and unattainable because what is called normal healthy love is no longer satisfying. I don’t know about people my age but it appears that the younger generation has totally bought into Hollywood and the media’s version of casual sex and relationships. The real question is do the majority really live and feel this way or is it another false reality thrust on us as an ideal?

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    • What a wonderful, open post about virginity. It’s the first time I’ve seen such a thing. Remaining celibate until marriage can be hard. Really hard sometimes. But I too believe it will be worth it, if I get married. Even if I don’t (get married) I think it’s the right thing to hold fast to, because God says so. I can trust him, even when I don’t understand him.

      I’m even more encouraged that someone in their 20s still holds fast to God’s ways and standards instead of buying in to what the world says and continually tempts us to do.

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  56. Hey Beauty, what an open post. ❤️ I don’t think you have to worry about virginity being a turn off. For many, it’s an open book of possibilities. Innocence is incredibly beautiful, alluring even. And though you’re open about this, it’s not really any of his business until YOU decide to make him a part of your life. By then, it’ll be a precious gift. So, my vote is that you go on dates, many of them, and enjoy yourself. Hugs, Lena

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  57. Good on you for sharing. Your openess will inspire others to take that stand too. I was a virgin until I got married. I don’t think it will put any guy off, just give them more respect for you. And you will soon know if they are serious about you and share your values which is a big bonus. They won’t be hanging around for the wrong reasons. And glad your starting to open up …I’ve seen myself and friends go through that process and its not easy but it works! Go on lots of dates…a man experiment my friend called it to help her grow in confidence. Helped her look at the process in a positive light. God Bless

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  58. God bless you. A real man will respect you. Don’t ever change. Be who and what you are. Lovely. A survivor. Intelligent. Worth waiting for. Hugs and love, xoxo 💛

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  59. Love this. High standards for ourselves and others are the opposite of shameful. So encouraging to know there are others out there in my same situation.

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  61. In this day in age you are not the only one who feels that way! Many people who are saving there virginity including myself till marriage feel this shame because we are the odd ones out. It is glad to see I am not the only one who feels this way!❤️❤️❤️ -Izzy

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  62. I’m glad you decided not to give in to peer pressure. It’s terrible that you have to go through this. I went through it when I was 19. I was a virgin, and both my best friends were not. I was also very shy and so I gave in out of desperation. I wish I had not,

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  63. I tend to start writing when I feel a reaction to something you write/say just so I don’t lose the idea. If I don’t, well, it usually ends up being Gone With The Wind.

    So, your line “…I’m afraid of disappointing someone with my non-easiness.” Got me going. I started writing before I finished reading, so when I got done and then finished reading, you got where you should… for the most part. Still, I had fun. Maybe you’ll have some fun reading it.

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  64. I hate that you have felt this way. I was a virgin until right before my 30th birthday. Granted, I didn’t wait until I was married but the only man I have been with is my late husband. I never regretted that. I never said “You know, I with I slept around more.” I was happy. (Not that there is anything wrong if someone else makes a different choice. To each their own.

    I have no clue what Chapter 2 of my great love story will entail. But I am glad you are going to go on one date. Being open is one of the best ways to improve your life by giving you more opportunities.

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  65. I think it’s awesome that you’re saving yourself. I was a teenager during the “true love waits” movement and most of the people I knew signed cards, did not keep their vow.
    I waited and I’m proud of it. Didn’t even date till I was 22 and we got married that same year.
    I’m also gonna brag on my oldest kid, him and his girlfriend are taking deliberate steps to wait till their wedding night.
    You said you’re not looking for compliments, but you’re definitely not going to regret your decision at all. Hang in there, it’s always darkest before the dawn. (that didn’t sound soo lame till I typed it)

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  66. Dudette: You have nothing for which to feel uncomfortable or ashamed. A beautiful, intelligent, faithful Catholic woman who is willing to give her husband — and only her husband — that which is most precious, which she will only be sharing with him and he with her the rest of their lives? That is PRECIOUS!!! It is also awesome, humbling, and beautiful.  Now go findest thou a husband to wed. In Christ,your friend, Brian

    From: BeautyBeyondBones To: oneelbk@yahoo.com Sent: Thursday, 14 September 2017, 19:01 Subject: [New post] Virgin Shaming? #yiv5701392013 a:hover {color:red;}#yiv5701392013 a {text-decoration:none;color:#0088cc;}#yiv5701392013 a.yiv5701392013primaryactionlink:link, #yiv5701392013 a.yiv5701392013primaryactionlink:visited {background-color:#2585B2;color:#fff;}#yiv5701392013 a.yiv5701392013primaryactionlink:hover, #yiv5701392013 a.yiv5701392013primaryactionlink:active {background-color:#11729E;color:#fff;}#yiv5701392013 WordPress.com | beautybeyondbones posted: “There are three things you should know about me.Number One: My go-to drink is a vodka soda with two limes. With straight up-tequila coming in at a close second.Number Two: It only takes 1/2 a drink for me to get notably tipsy.Number Three: I am comp” | |

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  67. Its hard when everything is viewed as all or nothing. One has to be fully dating, with full sexual experiences and etc.. etc… or they are a cast out, cast off, hermit etc.. etc.. etc.. Its sad that nobody can date casually, slowly, and find what’s right, what’s comfortable, and wait until the time when more deeper things are right. Do what’s right for you. Don’t push so hard that it doesn’t feel right. Don’t get yourself into something that makes you be so attached and then they take advantage or even add in some degree of abuse, taking you for granted etc.. Take your time as YOUR time. That way you can get a better feel for “this is right, I’ll keep dating him, or this isn’t and I don’t want to go furhter”. God Bless with all the hugs, love and encouragement!! xoxoxoxo

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  68. I pray that the Holy Spirit will give you both an emotional and spiritual understanding of how precious you really are right now. The saints are in the grandstands wildly cheering you on. And so are we who read your blog.

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  69. I think I’ve already told you my thoughts about this… I know exactly how you feel. But everything you said is right… this won’t be a deal breaker to the right person.

    If you can get yourself to northern California, I’m available for your one date 😉 😛

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  70. I love the depth to which you share, and I had no shame in offering my virginity to my wife almost twenty years ago.

    I was playing a game with two females one time, and one of them said, “Girls rule boys drool.” Hollywood and our Godless culture has perpetuated that lie, and purity has taken a back seat to I can do what I want when I want. Not everyone is having sex as some advance. There are those committed to sexual purity in marriage between a man and a woman, not because it’s a “patriarchal concept”, but because it’s the way God created the relationship between a husband and a wife.

    Ecclesiastes says there’s nothing new under the sun, and that’s true, but sex can certainly be new even with the same spouse forty years later. The beautiful thing about beliefs is that you can accept or reject them, so when a thought comes into your head ask yourself if you’re going to believe it or reject it. If you believe it what will you do with that belief?

    I had to add my two cents. Grace and peace Caralyn.

    Reply

    • Thank you so much Daniel 🙂 thanks for sharing your story. What a beautiful love story you and your wife share. Lots of powerful food for thought here. Thanks again. Hugs and love xox

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  71. My high school youth pastor was explaining a story about teen peer pressure and shaming. A girl was being shamed for her virginity and she responded by saying, “I can become like you anytime I want to. But, you can never be like me.” For some reason after all these years that has still stuck with me. Sadly, sex sells and they’ve positioned their brand very well and hooked everyone when they were young. It’s tragic to see how people turn their issues around on others. They mock the sober, the chaste, the virtuous, the prudent. Proverbs 31 still holds true. Hang in there! Only you can decide if and when it’s time. Thanks so much for sharing your world!

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  72. Right on! You gave nothing to fear, and you are right: you do have a lot to offer to your husband. You stand on principle, even when it unpopular in contemporary culture. You’re an overcomer. You know from Whom your identity comes. You have a heart for people. You reciprocate the love and support of your family. And you’re rather lovely. Those criteria are important to any young bachelor who follows Jesus (I would know 😁). A young lady with these qualities would certainly draw my attention.

    I’m in a new town (Redding, CA), so I too have the opportunity to renew my approach to dating (more like actually approaching it 🤣). Never forget that the right man for you will appreciate the little things about you that make other guys leave, he will love you the way that the other important men in your life have done, and that you’re worth enough for Jesus to take your place on the cross.

    You’re a catch, Caralyn. Be yourself.

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  74. This post reminds me of the latest episode of Midnight Texas. Fiji, a beautiful, shy witch is being targeted by a demon. When all of the other characters ask her “Why is this demon so obsessed with you?”

    Because she’s a virgin witch. When she said it out loud she followed up with “This is the most embarrassing moment of my life!” And then ran and hid in a corner.
    I found it odd since the other characters didn’t make any rude comments. They were focused on keeping her safe from the demon.

    It’s interesting how in modern culture associates sex with maturity. I lost my virginity to my husband when I was 26 but my niece who had a baby at 16 proudly tells people she lost her virginity at 13 to a really hot 16-year-old she met at a house party.

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    • Thanks so much for sharing this story. How interesting. Yeah everyone is on a different path 🙂 it’s a beautiful thing when we can come together in respect and friendship! Hugs and love xox

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  76. I so want to hug you now, Sister, because I know what you’re going through. I never say that unless it really is true. Like you, I made the decision at a young age to wait for marriage. I felt the shame and self-doubt that came with it, but I held strong because I believed this was God’s way. I lost my virginity when I was 38 – very late by modern standards – but I was not married. I don’t regret that. I had had a talk with God that I was renouncing my vow to wait for marriage, because I no longer believed God’s way and waiting for marriage were the same thing.
    I’m not saying you are wrong. At your age, I absolutely believed waiting for marriage was the right thing, and changing my mind would mean betraying God. So why did I change my mind? That’s too long a story to tell in a “comment.” I’m only telling you to be honest, and in case one day you change your mind, it’s okay.
    I know you probably won’t change your mind now. And I know the challenges that come with that. So if you really believe this is the right way for whatever reason – it’s God’s will, God will bless you for it, protecting yourself from STD’s, or because you want your wedding night to be extra special – don’t be ashamed of it. And if one day you do change, don’t do it out of pressure or fear of losing the guy. Only change if you believe it’s the right thing for you, your man, and your relationship with God. If I could add anything to scripture, it would be this line from Shakespeare: This above all, to thine own self be true. If you’re not true to yourself, you can’t be true to God.
    I think you are right that when you meet the right man, he will respect this path you have chosen. But I need to say a few things on his behalf. First, be careful what you wear. Russell Wilson and Ciara declared they were going to wait for marriage. Sometimes I looked at what Ciara was wearing and thought, “If they really are telling the truth, she’s torturing him.” Second, do take time to get to know each other, but don’t make the courtship too long. Even if he is willing to wait for you, waiting is going to be tough (for both of you), so wait as long as you need but no longer. Finally, when it came to my fiancée, I told her I didn’t want her to do anything she would regret afterwards. If he is right for you, he will say the same.

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    • Aw David, you’re the best. Thank you so much. And thanks for sharing your story with me. And thank you for this perspective. Yeah there are many different paths and God loves all of us 🙂 to thine own self be true – ahh good old Billy Shakes. 😉 always Hittin us with a dose of wisdom that Bill. Hugs and love xox

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  77. I love you as always. I love your way of saying difficult things to say with ease and grace and it is just so endearing! Anyway, whereas individual people are largely wonderful, society as a whole pretty much sucks, so what they dictate as normal is pretty much the opposite of what God wants. So if you don’t feel you fit in because you are doing what us right, muster up some pride for that, friwnd, because it means you have arrived at alien, where Christians live. We are aliens, just passing through. And I am so jealous because you don’t have the guilt and shame and broken attachments on a horrifying level that we non-virgins have to forgive and go through pain for and get over later, as if that is a thing. Forgiveness is the real deal, though. But good for you. Love you. Stay the way you are, it is refreshing and perfect. Hugs!❤😄

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  78. I loved this message but one particular phrase made me uneasy. You stated “I’m afraid of disappointing someone with my non-easiness.” I, along with the majority of other women in our twenties ,enjoy sex but aren’t “easy.” That is assuming that sex is only what meant want and that if a woman also enjoys and wants to engage, she is less. I know you probably didn’t mean it in this way, but this is just my little tidbit of feed back.

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    • Thanks so much Adri. I’m so sorry that phrase was hurtful for you. That definitely wasn’t my intent. At all. Every single person is entitled to make their own decisions when it comes to physical intimacy, and I totally respect that. Just because a woman chooses to become intimate absolutely does not make her “easy,” and I see now the negative connotation that can be attached to that word. I truly am sorry. Thank you for pointing this out to me. Big hugs xox

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  79. Ugh. I have so many thoughts on this! Why should it be shameful to do something that leads to less heartache, protects yourself from disease, and allows you to get to know someone, really know them? (I don’t mean this as disrespect to anyone, but just believe these are some truths). In college in the 90’s I was made fun of and looked upon as a novelty act, like ‘how cute’, because I was saving myself. In a horrific game of ‘Where’s the most exotic place you’ve done it’, played with our ‘brother dorm floor’, I watched over 3/4 of the room all list their place & I was sweating by the time it came to me. “Haven’t.” My short answer. And I heard some guy “whisper” ‘Does she mean she’s NEVER had sex before?!’ My face was flaming!

    In today’s culture, I don’t envy young women in the dating world. There’s a certain mystery that comes with waiting; you get to be mysterious because they have to get to know the many facets of you. You don’t just lay it all out there by date 3. There are so many things to be gained by waiting. I watched a TV show where couple A was on their second date and ended up in bed, and couple B was on their second date and had some GREAT kissing & then fell asleep on the couch in their clothes. There’s so much adventure and romance in living like couple B, but what’s now expected is couple A. I think a lot of guys are missing out when they won’t wait. (When my boyfriend & I broke up, my counselor suggested that we broke up because I wouldn’t ‘put out’. That’s the kind of shaming and pressure that was out there in the 90’s!)

    If I had to guess, I’m guessing there are other 20 somethings just like you. In that horrific ‘game’ I played, I was the first to admit I was still a virgin, but after my turn? 3 other girls admitted they, too, were just like me. I encourage you to accept it as a valid way to live and that you and a future guy will have all the fun of getting to know each other, really know each other, and have A LOT of romance; accept that there are so many pluses that come with waiting. Once you own it, it’ll be that much easier for a guy to accept it.

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    • Thank you so much PJ! I really appreciate this beautiful encouragement. I’m sorry your counselor said that to you. Not cool at all. Thanks for sharing your story with me. You’re right – gotta own it! 🙂 Hugs and love xox

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  80. I feel you, girl. I am exactly lik you in this, still a virgin. Virgin shaming is “real”. But I don’t give a thing coz I am not ready yet and I will give it to only “the one”. Hugs and love…

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  81. Head up dear sister, stand tall, shoulders back….you are the woman that a man wants as a wife.
    Be choosy who you date. If they are not following Christ with their whole hearts, as you are then don’t waste
    your time or his.
    You have nothing to feel or be ashamed about. When the right man comes along all that awkwardness will melt away.

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  82. Don’t you dare sell yourself cheap! I’m not about to build you up and say you’re gorgeous and beautiful and all that, although you are. What I will say is that you are God’s masterpiece, His workmanship in Christ and the price that He paid for you is because you’re worth it! There’s a guy out there right now saying the same thing to himself, that he could sleep around, but he’s coming to the same conclusion that you are. HE’S going to save himself for his wife, because she’s with it and so am I.
    KEEP THE LIGHT ON!

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  84. What does it say about our culture when you are living the virtue of chastity and feel bad (or at least a little wierd) about it?
    I say good for you! Keep your standards up because you are doing it right.

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  85. Caralyn, thanks for sharing such a vulnerable post! That took guts! I’m in the same boat as you, but I’m 34… Still hoping and praying fervently that God still has marriage in store for me…!

    It’s true that the culture is all about shaming that which is good, not only virginity, but those who doesn’t curse, cheat, or actually DO play by the rules in life, doing the “right thing.” And, I’m apt to think the reason behind this stance is because purity convicts people of their impurity, creating personal regret and uncomfortability (if that was a word!), which is difficult to handle when you can’t go back and change things.

    But as Paul told the Corinthians, “Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death.” (2 Cor. 7:10) So, there is hope for those who regret choices they made if they allow themselves to hear that still small voice… And, just as someone previously mentioned, God can make the impure, pure before Him. It’s God who makes all things new! One day, we will all praise Him together!

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    • Thank you so much for this thoughtful response! It’s nice to know I’m not alone. I’ll definitely keep you in my prayers! God’s got good plans for your friend!! Thanks again. Hugs and love xox

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  86. Huh! I am confused. Speakeasy, Volka and the male gender. I am so confused. Didn’t you just post the other
    a day about wanting to make preparation and live right before God? I have been trying to work with you for three years and you still don’t get it. I’m getting a headache just from trying to help you… You make me weep. I don’t mean to sound cruel however look at it from my perspective for one moment. I gave up so much of the world to follow after Jesus. I don’t want to be a just a Sunday Christian, but rather an everyday Christian. ” A friend of the world is an enemy of God. I’d rather be a friend of Jesus than a friend to the world. Your faith has fractures in it. I love sinners but I hate the sin, do you know that every night I pray for you to get right before God? You wear the cross around your neck, but I carry the cross with Jesus daily. I’m studying the word, you trample the word underfoot. Do you know a friend if Rapture was to take place well you were in there you wouldn’t go. Carolyn dont wait too long, please…

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    • Hi Anthony, thanks for stopping by tonight. I appreciate your prayers. All I can say is that Jesus is in my heart. I love Him. I will occasionally have a drink or two with my friends a few times a month. And I see nothing wrong with that. I think it gives Jesus joy to see me enjoying my time with friends, since I had such a dark period in my past where I pushed friends away when I was in my anorexia. So I think it makes Him happy to see me socializing with friends. I’m sorry you feel my faith isn’t good enough. Thanks again for taking the time to read. Hugs and love xox

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      • There’s nothing wrong with socializing. I do it everyday! I don’t drink because my body is a temple of God. I wouldn’t drink anything that makes me drunk. (The wine at the wedding was grape juice. Let me bold if I went to a club to watch a woman dance and she was naked would that please God? Of course not. I only say this because I believe you are worth it.

  88. You are an amazing young lady! Thank you for saving your most special moment for your future husband. It will be cherished by both of you. Not only is there no shame in this, it is the way God intended it.
    Bless you, my dear. Keep up the wonderful work you are doing.
    Jim

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  89. I have the impression that you will know Mr. Right by the way he responds to you on this topic. He will most likely win your heart, by focusing on your heart and your faith.

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  90. You know it is a sad thing when people find something to shame about everyone. It could be fat shaming, thin shaming, virgin shaming, etc…it is always something. We each make our choices and we are the only ones that have to live with them. All the shamers, haters, or whatever don’t have to look at you in the mirror the next day or for the rest of your life…you do.

    As far as the virginity thing, that’s nothing to be ashamed of and the right man will appreciate you all the more for it. I was and I will be married to the only man I have ever had for 19 years in a few weeks. So you go girl…you are amazing just the way you are!!

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  91. Your virginity is only one aspect of the wonderfully complex “you” that you’ll be able to offer your husband, and I am certain the right man will value your choice to wait. My husband and I did not become Christians until we’d been married a couple years, and neither of us were virgins. However, I will honestly say that I wish I had been, because the physical relationship without the commitment will never grow to the same depth as it will when you’re married. You learn and grow together, and intimacy is no different in that aspect. You’ve made an incredibly admirable, difficult (in this day and age) choice, and I don’t think you’ll regret it for a moment, even though there may be struggles each time you choose to do the right thing. HUGS!—Lynda

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  94. I was twenty-something before I “gave someone my flower” (Friends referece alert 😀).
    2,5 year later, we’re still together.
    So it can happen! Your first can be the one! 💪💪

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  96. Ain’t I just proud of you. You got nothing to be ashamed of. Instead you have every reason to hold your head high and say to that right man when he comes… “look, this is what I have to offer! “

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  98. Thank you for this! I feel the same way! I’m not a virgin BUT the Lord is effectively teaching me how to be pure for the RIGHT one after my divorce. I’ve been learning alot about purity in body mind and spirit, and one thing I’m learning is that I’m not made for every guy. Im made for one. THE ONE. So go on with your bad self and claim your virginity! It’s awesome! Your awesome! We girls need to support another in this journey. It ain’t easy but our faith and hope in the Lord knows it is well worth it.

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  100. Caralynn, I will be praying for you, and for God’s will. God loves you with a love that does not string you all over the please. He will bring you the man He has for you.

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  101. Absolutely no shame in your non game. After my divorce I adopted a no-sex rule. Happily married to the man who respected my boundaries. Before I met him I got dumped for having food boundaries, men who couldn’t deal with the way I ate, the way I said ‘no’, the way I respected myself. The man who accepted me for my truths, proposed. Love is all about truth. Keep living your truth. Congrats on your book and honoring your self. ❤️

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  102. Don’t let anyone make you feel like you are less because of your virginity, man or woman. I still wish that I had mine. What you are doing is beautiful and strong, and I applaud you for it!

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  104. Virgin shaming is definitely a very real problem in our society and you have nothing to be ashamed of in doing what feels right with you. Just like ‘slut shaming’ should no longer be a thing, neither should shaming people for waiting until marriage or at least the right person. And as you said, the right guy will not mind at all! x

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  105. BBB,
    You know I am proud of you right? Your virginity is worth more temporary acceptance by men or unfriendly friends.
    Some of them feel sad and miserable when confronted with the fact that they are no longer what you are now… Virgin.

    Premarital sex is exaggerated and overhyped. Trust me, it is!
    A man who cannot stay with you without sex is not worthy to spend the rest of his life banging you and licking your sweet honey.
    Virginity is a treasure keep it and it is good for your brand and it helps creativity.
    From Nigeria
    Olatunji Rockdweller

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  106. Nothing to be ashamed of. I am 31 years man and had a full sexual relationship and I regret nothing. I had many chances to do it but refused because I couldn’t find somebody who I can communicate with on spiritual level. Authentic spiritual people are rare and they just need true spiritual love to feel pleasure in the rest of their activities together. If they do it only for instinctual reasons, they know they bury their soul in the blindness of their bodies. And how could they give up the thing they found the most happiness within? Nothing to be ashamed of in being different or happy.

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  109. Life is definitely harder all round for your generation. This question should never being putting someone off a first date – dating shd not be about having sex that first time, or even that third time – sex is for when we know each other – amazing it has got as far as first dates … society should have a think about ‘using other people’ …

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  110. I know you said you’re not looking for affirmation, but I think it’s awesome to stay pure until marriage. It’s so worth it! Our society has everything backwards and I honestly think most people are more unhappy because of it. You are an encouragement to others who are doing this same thing. May the Lord bless you!

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  111. I felt the same way. When I met my husband I was embarrassed, but the way he reacted was beautiful and special. It was a reminder to me that waiting for this man was the best choice I could have made. You are awesome, and if some guy has an issue with that then he doesn’t deserve you. Thanks for sharing!

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  112. Wow! Kudos to you!!!
    I am overjoyed to read this and your courage to stand up for good. I have 3 daughters and a son, and I am sure they would face similar challenges.

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  113. Hi, well life throws some strange things at us all, virginity is something to be proud of. It has nothing to do with self restraint but it focuses on our acknowledgement of God’s right to set the standards in our lives. You bet it is a struggle and that young people leave themselves open to ridicule from their peers.
    Yet when we reflect on the important things our relationship with God outweighs everything.
    So commendation for the strong stand and to every person who has decided to follow the bible standard.
    The expression of love through intimacy within a marriage before god is different to other relationships. We need to contrast the bibles statements about morality and the fact that the bible says humanity is living in the power of the wick one – the ruler of the spirit of this world is another wonderful phrase. So don’t expect a secular world to agree with a godly decision.
    Be proud of your decision and be courageous.

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  114. Very beautiful and honest post. Please hold your head high and walk with pride. You are on the right track. Open up a bit and go on a date, be yourself and trust God, and believe me, God will bring someone who loves you just as you are. Someone who will never pressure you till you both are married. I made a decision that I must marry a virgin, and that I did. That was a deal breaker. When I met my husband he didn’t know I was a virgin (I didn’t say). You can imagine his utter joy and high regard for me on our wedding night. God bless your sweet gentle heart. 🌸 🌺

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  115. When I read your blog – especially posts like this – I can’t help but wonder what an inspiration you must be to other young women (especially teen girls) who have to deal with the pressures of society. I admire you and the way you discuss struggles like these, but having followed your posts, I think (as if my opinion holds any weight) you will follow the path God sets out for you.

    Virginity is such an interesting topic when it comes to dating, and having relinquished mine long before I married, I can easily say its the one thing I regret in my life. I remember one day, when my wife and I were struggling in our marriage she asked me if I had any regrets about our relationship. As I told her then, and still believe now, I wish I would have given my V-card to her because it is truly a perfect gift.

    Oh…and date…
    …a LOT! Have fun, enjoy the company, enjoy the laughs, and work through the process of discovering the man that would be the ideal partner in your life! 🙂

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  116. I had a moment (semi) similar to yours when a “friend” of my husband’s went on and on and ON about how much he loves weed. We were chatting and I explained to this guy that I don’t smoke weed. Or do any drugs. He started asking questions and I answered, but he was so confused as to why I didn’t wake up and start smoking weed. Because I guess that’s the cultural norm? Maybe? I don’t know. My point is, you’re a Christian and your world view is going to be drastically different from others. Like you said, embrace it. Own it.

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  117. i get what you mean. i waited til i got married and was almost ashamed to have to finally tell my (at the time) fiance. we set strict boundaries when we were dating and made it so that we both KNEW there was no chance of pre-marital anything happening and we followed it tightly. we never talked about sex, never talked about where we stood. until i got a facebook message one night from my beloved man and he finally asked me. and i sort of hung my head because i felt like i was defective, you know? but that isn’t the truth of it at all. i’d had boyfriends, i’d dated, i’d pushed things too far, you know. typical things. but i still felt less than. i dated people in high school, before i was a Christian, and i just sort of “knew it was wrong to go too far until you’re married.” plus my sister had a baby when she was 20 and that was terrifying to me. and i think the first word i ever received from God was when i was 16-“If you sleep with your boyfriend, you will absolutely get pregnant.” and i mean that seriously. Now that i’m married, it gives me wise words to share with my 18 year old step daughter- who has a child. it gives me ways to reach out to younger folks, and even some my age, who struggle with the same thing. I think that I shamed myself so much that I even struggle with it now. I was terrified that when we got married, all of my husband’s friends would know that I was this coy little virgin, you know? Terrifying. I don’t know. this is a lot of rambling. just want you to know that your feelings aren’t invalid and that you’re not the only one to have ever uttered those words or to feel the pressure, even if you don’t want to really believe you listen to the media. Keep on, girl.

    On Thu, Sep 14, 2017 at 6:59 PM, BeautyBeyondBones wrote:

    > beautybeyondbones posted: “There are three things you should know about > me. Number One: My go-to drink is a vodka soda with two limes. With > straight up-tequila coming in at a close second. Number Two: It only takes > 1/2 a drink for me to get notably tipsy. Number Three: I am comp” >

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  118. God WILL be your strength as you continue to obey His will for your life! Purity is a precious gift that you will give your future husband (sadly, far too many of us only had shame to share with our spouse when we said “I do.”)

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  120. I absolutely have the utmost respect for you in general, because I appreciate the fact that you are not afraid to share your struggles and triumphs honestly. You are more than wise for guarding that part of you; regarding your virginity. Most of my life, I correlated sex with love. I thought that that was love, also all I was good for. If I could do it all over again, I would have loved myself enough to realize just how untrue that was.

    Be proud girl. Because it’s something to be said for waiting. I think it’s pretty awesome, and I know there are a lot of women, that wish they would have too.

    Much love.xo

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  121. You’ll have sex when it’s the right time. You can’t rush it. I didn’t lose my virginity until I was well into nominal adulthood. I spent my twenties virgin-shamed, and I confess that I, too, felt there was something about me that was defective. That’s what virgin-shaming does to people. But you can’t put a fixed date on when someone should have sex for the first time. Rushing into it thinking you need to do it just because society tells you that you should, is the best way to guarantee that your first time will be anything but a positive experience to be remembered fondly. If anything, it’ll be something you cringe at the thought of for how foolish you were.

    So don’t feel too bad. What you’re feeling is your biological clock ticking. We all have one (yes, even us guys). And its ticking only grows louder as we age. That’s natural. But your time will come. It’s simply a matter of meeting the right person and having that moment of mutual chemistry where you both decide, this is it, it’s happening, we’re having each other. Feel free to send an email my way if you want to hear about my first time experience and why it, and not sometime in my high school years, was the right moment.

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  122. I wish I could trade in my lifetime of promiscuity to have only shared that with my husband! You never understand how special it is until you are married, but one day you will, and you will be so thankful that you waited!

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  124. oh you totally make sense and I can so relate. This. This is my life. Same boat, page, what have you. Thank you! Honest and wise words.

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  125. I think what’s even harder is dating after divorce and after you’ve had sex. When you’re in your mid-30s and have clearly had sex before (2 kids to prove it) then it is that much more expected and they feel rejected and sometimes even get offensive & insulting if you tell them no.

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  126. I read your blog regularly and I think it’s incredible that you have been so open. I’m pretty sure you will receive many comments that will support your choice and I wholeheartedly agree with much of the sentiment that supports your choice. I see nothing wrong with remaining a virgin until you have found that special someone, thank you not only for sharing but bringing such a sensitive issue to light in such a courageous and tasteful way. I found this very insightful, thank you for sharing and never give up hope. Good luck!

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  127. I love reading your work. You are bold and honest. You could be like me. First husband, I was a virgin. He cheated on me. Second husband, I had some fun first. Got herpes. Never gave it to him but had to have cesareans with my children. I had shame there. Do what your heart tells you. Act not react.

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  128. There isn’t much more honorable than waiting for the right person. The RIGHT person will have no problems in waiting WITH you until after the “I do’s”. I. personally, am proud of you for not only waiting but being able to openly address it. I wish we, as a society, could go back to the moral values that we once had. As the father of 2 young kids, it is refreshing to see people sticking to their values. I pray that they both follow a similar path. Thank you!

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  129. If a guy has a problem with that then he is not the guy for you. You deserve a guy that is going to respect your choice and honor it and you. I think it’s amazing you are waiting. You seem like a great person and lady from what I’m seeing and would make any guy a lucky guy. If you were out in my area def a person I would ask out on a date! Stay you! And hey if you were in my area I would be happy to ask you out and even date if it were in the cards.

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  130. I think your story is both an inspiration and very wise advice as well. I applaud your stance and determination to hold fast to your precious gift of virginity. I know you wrote you didn’t need any building up, but you are being held up in prayer. I have one question for you, and I think I know the answer. The question is Why? What is your main reason for remaining a virgin until you are married? If it is other than because you desire to be faithful to the Word of God and having His best for you, you might have a problem keeping your commitment. Blessings to you always and keep living in His grace and love. D.T. Osborn

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  132. Wow! Thank you for writing this. You’re probably voicing what a lot of women have been through or are going through. I lost my virginity at 21 but it wasn’t really lost because I intentionally sought to get rid of it for some of the same reasons you mentioned. Looking back through the lens of Jesus, I realize that God had given me a special gift and I didn’t really understand the value of it. I held on so long because I knew deep down it was the right thing to do, but I didn’t understand what the “right thing” entailed. Almost 10 years later, and I realized the meaning behind “your body is a temple”, which is scripture and talks about understanding that God (the Holy Spirit) lives inside of us and not giving ourselves to impure things that take away from our closeness with God. You’re on the right path!!!!!!

    Don’t be afraid to dig deeper into the spiritual nature of this journey! It sounds like God has led you to a specific place for a specific purpose. Don’t be discouraged by the shaming of society, remember that society is always opposed to purity and especially to the true things of God. You don’t have to hide in fear and shame. Live boldly and be led by the Spirit of God into all that He has for you. The Bible says, “When a man finds a wife he finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord.” Let him find you. The one who finds you will be looking at you through a spiritual lens and not just a physical one, so he will champion you for your decision! Praying for strength and continued wisdom! Also praying that He continues to use you to encourage others as you are! So glad I found this blog! 🙂

    <3 <3 <3

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  133. It’s hard to kick a sad little puppy. You probably know that every man you date will immediately compare you to his mother. ‘Course nobody wants to think about their MOTHER’S virginity, or her having done what she did to create the birth of the one looking at his date and comparing said female to his beloved mother. I met a man in New York one time. Bronx. Seems like some of the smartest and dumbest seem to live there. There was an argument. I was a Mormon missionary. Doing “proselyting,” almost as popular a topic a topic as “virginity.” Guy was saying to me that why did Jesus have to be borne in Bethlehem?? I’m like, well, he gotta be borne somewhere. Maybe that was just where it…happened? Guy on the street pops into the conversation, like New Yorkers, stand up for his brother in need. “Bro, it’s ’cause it HAD to happen like the prophesy said.” No more questions. No more discussion. But this guy started, after defendin me, to explain how he had just lost his mother (‘e was probably ’bout 25) 3 months previous. She had died. AND HOW HE MISSED HER. Probably off topic, but I’m just saying, the female that many men come to know best is usually the mother who cradles and holds and coddles him. Thus, the comparison, Freudian logic, and the birth of modern psychology, the biggest bane known to man. And I better stop right there. Before I start kicking sad puppies for no reason.

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  134. Good luck. You have many, it’s clear, interested in what you say and do. My opinion is that you should worship The Lord and be chaste, but you need to work hard, the way a workaholic goes. I can easily infer that you enjoy being active on social media, because you wouldn’t have so much authenticity and success if you weren’t doing it from a place in your heart and mind that is important for everybody interacting with you, and for you most of all.

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  137. Don’t let anyone steal your Blessings. Misery loves company. The devil would prefer you fall in line with him and he is a liar. (John 8:44). I encourage you to stay strong in the Lord.

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  139. You are always an inspiration; and I continue to admire you with your deep thoughts on life. Being a virgin myself with the desire of remaining so until marriage, your post and the comments here are really a motivation to uphold this treasure to heart (which is a part of one’s dignity).

    In the words of Maya Angelou, “a woman’s heart must be so hidden in God that a man has to seek Him to find her”. Linking it to your post: “will it be a deal breaker for some guys? Yes. Probably most guys.
    But not for the guy. Not for the right guy”.

    In my humble opinion, the right guy deeply knows that:
    It’s a virtue to admire a lady or woman, but an undeniable sin if not coupled with a respect for her dignity. However, it’s a compliment and a sign of true maturity to respect a woman’s dignity even if you don’t admire her.

    I appreciate you as a sister and a friend, and pray that you be united with the Godly-chosen man. Stay bless, and let’s not be ashamed or proud of our virginity but be humble about it.

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  140. You are one of God’s beautiful young ladies. Don’t let anyone shame you because you are waiting for the one that God has in store for you! Just ask God to bring the right man at the right time and He will! God bless you for being a wonderful person in this mixed up world of ours and don’t apologize or feel like you are less than anything! If a guy wants experience, he can go to Vegas or a place where it is, don’t give up your self before God brings you your life partner!

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  141. I feel you Caralyn. I am a virgin too. No shame in it. For a guy, surrounded by family and folks who think otherwise, it can be hard. Guys call to ask me how its possible or how I can hold out this long. Well, Jesus! Plus, I find its an adventure for me and the most precious present I will give Your highness, my future Queen. Anyway Ms. Bloopers, have fun on your date C. Be thyself 🙂 And, don’t forget to be “YELLOW!”

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  142. I’ve said it to a young man who is also still a virgin, and I’ll say it to you (much more briefly): You are NOT missing out on anything fun by saving yourself! There’s a lot more shame and ugliness down that well-trodden wider road. Trust me. <3

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  143. This is a very open an honest post Caralyn. I will say don’t let the devil and his demons get to you. He has convinced the world that being a virgin is a “bad” thing. While you may feel that being a virgin is no longer cute. It’s more than that. It’s a blessing regardless of your age. Hey remember I’m a virgin and I’m 38! You are treating something as sacred. This is what Jesus Christ wants. It’s the world, under the devil’s influence, who has turned sex into something perverse. Sex is only supposed to be between one man and one woman in a marriage. Sex is not supposed to be the most important thing in a marriage…it’s God.

    So stay encouraged and you remain a virgin until marriage. You are only meant for one person anyway and that special person will love you for who you are. He won’t shame you for being a virgin, but will feel honored and blessed to be in your life. Besides, staying a virgin will help you to weed out the immature men from the mature men. Excellent post and may God bless you abundantly!

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  144. Dear BBB,
    What can I say so many others have so eloquently said. I am an old 68 year old guy and when I saw it on my phone via twitter I wrote a nice note and couldn’t figure out how to “send it”. So, today I thought I’d try this. Whether you read it or not I just wanted to put my two cents in and scream YOU ARE DOING THE RIGHT THING and I was enormously moved by your story and putting yourself out there in such a open and humble way on a subject VERY FEW woman or men would dare to have the guts to do. THIS makes YOU one heck of a special person. Not by any means escaping the eye and notice of G-d, you may be quite certain that He will bless you in this life and the life to come. 100% guaranteed.
    Thank you for checking out my site when it went live last week. It was a real encouragement. It was hard launching that thing, it felt like I was landing a space ship or something! G-d bless dear girl! KEEP GOING – HANG IN THERE!

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    • Hi Ronald, thank you so much for this kind encouragement. i’m sorry that this is your second go at this comment!! I just have to trust in God’s timing and plan 🙂 hugs to you friend! xox

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  145. I swore off dating by the time I was 28. That’s it. I am done. Screw the world…and then HE walked into my life. If your heart and soul is open, Mr. Right? or Mr. you’ll do just fine? will find you. I was a virgin. My hubster was patient and kind. He asked me to marry him after dating for less than two months. I trusted the process. I will admit to you I was afraid to tell him I was inexperienced. I shouldn’t have wasted my time on worry; he knew. We have been married for over twenty years now. Never lose faith in the awesome of who you are and the right guy will be able to see that shine through and everything else will fall into place. *** Peace***

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  146. I’m praying that somewhere out there is a young lady for my son who, like you, holds herself and her future husband in high enough regard to remain a virgin. Waiting for marriage for sex is a gift to both you and your spouse – this from someone who was a virgin and married a virgin. There will be nothing in your past to regret or to feel the need to hide. “Compatibility” won’t be an issue as there won’t be anything to compare with, and it will be a complete act of love. Take it from a twenty three year marriage. You are worth the wait. Anyone who pushes you isn’t worth your precious heart.

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    • oh, thank you so much for your prayers and kind words. and thank you for sharing your story. what a beautiful marriage story 🙂 congratulations on 23 years! that is really a beautiful testimony of love 🙂 Hugs and love xox

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  150. This entry absolutely blew me away and had me so emotional!
    You are so incredible and strong!
    Having a belief you stick to because you choose to is
    truly a thing of beauty.
    It’s the culture and the times to be honest that lay on the pressure.
    You should stick to your resolve.
    Also, I love all the emotion images in your post.
    Your writing made me speechless because it’s brilliant and comes from the heart.
    Any guy would be lucky to have you and like you said there is a guy out there.
    I like to call him, not Mr. Right, but Mr. Right for me.
    Good luck on all the journeys life takes you on.
    Cannot wait to see where your writing goes!

    Much love,

    Maria

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  151. Personal discipline to one’s convictions, is the only “earthly thing” that anybody has which truly belongs to them!
    Don’t let anyone manipulate you from that, nor your personal walk with the Lord.
    V/R, Roland, U.S. Army Retired

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  152. The weird thing is, not that long ago, it used to be that not being a virgin until marriage was a perceived ‘defect’. Neither is, in my personal opinion, but the societal opinion pendulum sure does a number on our perception of self worth!

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  153. Hey Girl, I loved this post because it speaks much of the climate of dating in society for many years now up to current day. You are not defective. You have nothing to be ashamed of. You are intelligent and pretty. Virginity is not some piece of trash that you just ‘get rid of’ because that what many, many people in society do (follow the masses). Your body is your prerogative. You have more to offer a man than just your vagina! And unfortunately, more often than not THAT is the only reason a guy will like a female initially and for quite a long time (cuz he’s definitely not scanning your IQ or the depths of your soul when he’s checking you out, lol! Seriously though). Man, I have so much more to say on this, but my fingers will start to bleed, lol. I’ll just wrap it up by saying, yes, totally take chances dating because it’s necessary to find ‘the guy’ eventually. There’s a lot of ‘painted rocks’ (guys who turn out to be full of shit/false self-representation in order to date you) out there who talk a good game and will charm the crap out of you. All you can do is keep your eyes and ears open. Be aware of red flags and ALWAYS listen to your intuition. Whether you go on a date by Oct 1st or not, it’s all good. Everything works itself out in the end ✌️🌺.

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      • You’re welcome! And always remember: You’re worthy. The right guy will love ALL of you, and delight in the fact that he gets you all to himself. Giving your virginity to a guy who actually values you and loves you is so fantastical. The right guy will feel honored (because you can’t just go to the corner store and pick up an 8 pack of virginity once you’ve lost it the first time, lol). “Don’t waste the pretty” is such a simple, yet meaningful quote I heard on Oprah’s show long ago, and always stuck with me. Obviously, it’s your life and you will do what you want, I’d just say don’t feel bad about doing what’s right for you (like don’t go jumping off the bridge just because everyone else is). Don’t waste the pretty. Hugs & Love ✌️ xoxo ✌️

  154. You got to the correct point in the end. For the right guy, you’ll be worth the wait.

    Only thing I’d like to see you change is your blaming society for your emotions. I’m old enough to be your dad and we never talked like that when we were your age. Your emotions are yours. You’re ashamed. Society, or the wrong boys (or loose girlfriends for that matter), only reinforce what you feel inside. You can’t fix stupid by “society shaming” but you can relax on yourself a bit.

    You’re doing the right thing by being who you are. I give you permission to ease up on yourself.

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  155. being a virgin will never be cute because it’s beautiful. my biggest sadness in life is being sexually activated before i had the chance to understand what a powerful energy that is to give to ppl. when you make the decision to go through with it you will have so much meaning in that experience.

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  156. You know what, being a virgin is amazing. You are a rare gem in this world and God is real proud of that. I’m someone who wished I never gave myself so easily to all the wrong guys. Not having sex was weird in my circle. I wish so bad that I could be a virgin for my future husband. So you go girl. Society ain’t always right. Check out Jason and Crystalina Evert if you haven’t. My whole perception was changed and I never loved myself this way ever. Her books are great 🙂 ‘Pure Womanhood’ was the one that changed my thinking. Here’s the link if you’re interested.
    https://chastityproject.com/seminars/speakers/jason-crystalina-evert/

    Sending hugs. xo

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  157. This is such an amazing blog post. I remember when I wrote a blog about my virginity. I am not or ever ashamed to be known as a virgin..most of my friends are sexual active I can have laughs with them. I am not one who takes kindly to people bullying others because they are still a Virgin if a male or a female decides to be that way that’s there choice. I am a Christian and I want to keep my chastity even if wasn’t I am a girl who knows that she isn’t ready. And like you said about being more out there same goes for me to i always turn down dates because I am too scared I know we are not getting married but I still get nervous so I will do what you are doing and start putting my self out there in a good way. Thanks for this post.

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  158. Well, I’d suggest trying to educate your dates and if they don’t respond well, forget ’em. I went on a date with someone who simply said “no sex before marriage.” Quite matter of fact. Turned out it went nowhere but not because of that.

    It really shouldn’t be a big deal. And if someone makes a big deal out of it, that’s their problem. It’s actually much safer not to have sex these days with all the viruses, lethal and non-lethal floating around. Sometimes people with lethal STDs don’t tell their partners. Scary but true.

    When you finally do get married, I suggest a mandatory trip to the clinic for testing b4 anything happens. Even if he claims to be spotless. 🙂

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  159. Don’t worry. You’re doing great. If it’s any consolation, some of us remained virgins well into out 30’s.

    Concerning dating, take it as a way to know yourself better. To find out what you will put up with and what you won’t tolerate. As long as it is safe, go out. But do so with an open heart and no exoectations, willing to be surprised. If you set your expectations high, like “This would be the man I will marry one day,” you’re setting yourself up for failure from the beginning and it may not be fair for either one of you. But if you go with a light heart and thinking “God is allowing us to cross paths for a reason, even if it’s for just a fleeting moment and I never get to see him again,” believe me, those are the most rewarding dates. You get to know yourself and another human being. And that maybe all there is to that particular date. Some other times, you may make a friend. It a boyfriend or husband. A dear friend that you’ll keep for life. And also be open to the idea that maybe, you won’t find that man. Sometimes, we are not meant to get married. But God surely has much better plans for us that might bit be possible if we are married and changing diapers and not remembering when head the last time we brushed our hair. 😉

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  165. I’m a little older than you, so I don’t think the pressure was quite as strong then. But waiting for marriage us something I am sincerely thankful God kept me strong in, not only for my heart and that of my husband, but for our children as an example that it’s possible… And worth it! Neither of us have any comparisons to that other person, what was better or worse. We have each other and our experience together. No guilt, no shame, no baggage, just peace.

    Now I know which ways to direct my prayers for you! Yes, get out there! But don’t compromise your standards. It’s easiest when you surround yourself with others who treasure the same things, even if they’re countercultural.

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  166. What’s really significant in your life is that you are Holy. In fact far more holy than you could imagine. You are Holy because you have experienced Jesus in a very intimate substantial way. You are Holy because the Lord has granted you very rare insight and understanding. You are Holy because you have set yourself apart to be an ambassador of Jesus . Your virginity is part and parcel of your holiness and your holiness is your strength. Like Sampson hair. Do not under any circumstance or for any reason take your holiness for granted . Be ye Holy for I am Holy dairy the lord. In your NYC culture nothing is sacred and your holiness shines like a star on a dark night. Carry on. Let nothing scandalize you or cause you to fall. Your fan. Jack

    Sent from my iPhone

    >

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  167. I just loved this post, totally. It just seems unlikely that I’d feel insufficient if I were you though. Be strong and love your virginity. Cause there are many who wish they were in your shoes. Cheers!

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  168. Only a depraved culture where nothing is sacred would shame someone for being a virgin. Those who shame you are profane and they want you to profane your holiness for you are a living reproach to them. Remember you are be like your God, both immanent and transcendent. Your virginity is a vital part of your transcendence. Not just a gift to a future husband but a sweet smelling offering to God of great value in His sight. You go girl. Let nothing in any way cause you to stumble. You have no idea nor any way of knowing what reward God has prepared for you for being obedient. Carry on. Jack

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  169. Lovely post and I admire you so much for your honesty about virginity, youre a real inspiration to any young girls (or guys) who want to do the same and feel so much pressure to have sex. My 15 (16 in a week) daughter wants to wait to have sex until she is married and even wants to save her first kiss for her wedding! I will show her your blog as you will show her she isnt alone and she should be proud of herself as you should be. And I am excited to see blog posts in the future about the man that God has chosen for you, he is coming when the time is right. If you had met him already you woldnt have these great posts to write about and help people but I just know someone perfect for you is right around the corner.
    I need to check my settings too as I love your blog posts but they havent been coming to my email box lately!

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    • Aw, Sam, thank you so much for your kind words. I am seriously so touched by your encouragement. I would be honored for you to share my post with your daughter! 🙂 hmm, I’m not sure about the email — i would just say to check to make sure you’re following by email? sorry i can’t be more help! big hugs to you xox

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  170. You’re such a beautiful person, and your beauty is “soul deep.” You’re making all the right choices. Don’t let the lies of this world drag you down – cling to the truth with all your might! 😘

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  171. Waiting in the Lord for the right husband or wife is God’s Way. I myself was in the Marines but kept being a virgin because of my commitment to Christ; and guys clowned me quite a bit but I’m glad God allowed me to be pure for my wife.

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  172. Oh Caralyn, do NOT be ashamed. Not of purity and a point of strength in your life. As a former womanizer I will tell you being sexually active can be one of the most lonely existences out there.

    I won’t give promises or platitudes about Mr. Right or any surefire strategies for finding him. But I will promise you will have no regrets for your strength in waiting. And he will honor you for it.

    But shut off the culture; it lies to justify its most deadly compromises. Concerning your ability and doubt that you are desirable, give that up God because you are just beautiful (hey wasn’t there a blog with beauty in its name?). Relax and just be. And smile because you light up the place.

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  173. I feel where you are coming from. Im not a virgin (two kids). However, since my divorce over 15 years ago, I have not been with anyone else. I go out of my way most of the time to avoid meeting new people, yet I don’t exactly like being alone. And I have been the butt of jokes when people hear that I haven’t been intimate with anyone since the end of my marriage. I guess I’m saying you’re not alone. And only an idiot would think you aren’t worth the wait.

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  174. Ever heard of Shel Silverstein? He wrote a poem called, “Blue.” I finished “Bloom” today. It’s been, a long day.

    You wrote something there that coincides with this about Love and Masks. There’s no page numbers, I do a lot of research. I admit, it bothered me. 😂

    Anyways. I learned early being the only Native in a crowd that, people only accept those that are like them.

    But a person, is the only love you really need. I found it. Once and maybe that’s all I get.

    But, you. You have a lot of life in you. I wish that love comes for you.

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    • wow, thank you so much Kenzie. And thank you for reading Bloom!!! i’m sorry about the page numbers — haha it didn’t even occur to me to number the pages of a journal! next book there will be numbers 🙂 hehe I’ll have to look up “Blue.” Thanks again for being such a great supporter! big big hugs xox

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      • On a side note I was doing some math last night. To notice every person on an online dating site as you would in person, it would 11.56 days straight. To even say hello, it would take four months.

        So, don’t rely on technology too too much for a, beau.

      • I waited for my ex wife. Almost two years. It felt, I don’t know. Like, you want this life to start so bad. I was dying. haha. You want to come home. You want to look at someone and just know it’s all worth it. What came after between us is just, when life gets in the way. I’ve never had lots of money and I guess she wanted, that instead in my boss.

        I still believe in love because I know how much I did to keep that love going between us. I know how much I love my kids. I don’t think about what happened and feel unloved I just know I did my best.

  175. Well , all above comments are huge encouragement to you. I feel and I do understand you.Just want to say thank you for being you. And If someone ( even your best friend )can not accept who you are – it is Better to stay away. As you said in this post somehow going to effect your emotion. Because we all are humans and sensitive. Virginity is a blessing. If all are swimming in the same way it does not mean I have to go that way too. In the public comment here From my personal christian prospective – it is very important for us to keep ourselves till to get married. As you said it is not all about okay 2 flesh stick and enjoy that’s it ! When we go for sex – two people getting one and a lot of emotions transferring between two . The two souls getting one soul. That is why a lot of sickness and pain is around because without seeking God first , people having relationship ( at least I can comment on this as I am ) . Believe me stay who you are and pray God will show you the right man. Listen what your heart says and trust in God. :: )

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  176. It is sad how society has changed. There was a time when young men looked on virginity in a,woman as a thing to be desired. There was also a time when men and women esteemed marriage. The fact that you find yourself in a minority that is actually persecuted is sad beyond measure. What Billy Graham said all those years ago rings even truer today.

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  177. yes, this is all too real. and it think the young girls of today’s society need to eb told there is no shame in being a virgin.
    but for me, in a way i’m proud to be a virgin – i feel completely feminine, somehow. pure, clean… i don’t know. but i’m not shaming non-virgins – it’s your body, your rules. that’s just me.

    brilliant post <3

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  179. Remember it was a “virgin” who God Himself chose to come through in the form of Man. He could of chosen any woman but He chose a “virgin.” Why? Mary, was pure and chase. Think about it she was born for the very reason of bearing “God Man,” Jesus.

    So what does God think about your virginity? To Him it is priceless and His opinion is the only one that matters. Love you so much and God Bless, SR

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  180. I think you are special, you are special the way you cared for your mother and what you talk about.

    Remember a Queen is always different from the others. Else what’s the difference between a Queen and an ordinary citizen..

    I didn’t know that it’s such a big cultural thing, but in South Asia you will be most respected and treated a very dignified well groomed cultured lady.

    So treat yourself not just a Queen but a very cultured, civilised and well groomed Queen

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  181. HI, I wanted to share with you an embarrassment of my own. I feel very dorky for doing this but I totally and accidentally unfollowed you, then followed you. it was a slip on my phone. I noticed you are gone from following me and I am so sorry I made a real mistake.
    please forgive me, it really was a slip up. I adore your blogs and your sharing is powerful and even though I never had the same challenges, I am a beloved of God, I suffer and I live for Him alone. I have had times in my life where I was very sick with things that I am not ready to share because they are very painful. I am still working through them. But out of the muck and mud, the Lord came to me and gently brought me on this journey of mercy.
    I hope you will follow me again.
    Peace, and much love,
    Stephanie White

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    • Hey Stephanie! Oh gosh, I am so sorry about that! I totally did not mean to unfollow you either! it’s actually been quite a day – i lost my phone last night, and so i had to suspend, and then wipe my entire phone, and then get a new one today. and being the bone head that i am, i hadn’t backed up my old phone since 2015 — before this blog was started, and so when my new phone was restored, the wordpress app obviously wasn’t on there. so i’ve been having to rebuild from square one today, so i think that’s probably what you were seeing. sorry about that! refollowig now! thanks you for going on the journey with me. know that i am in your corner along your journey too 🙂 big big hugs xo

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  182. BTW, as a beloved beautiful daughter of God, your choices in life are glorious to Him, and He showers you with blessings in this. Standing up for this is empowerment. What holy courage! Praise God, He is very present in your blogs-your sharing of your heart.

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  183. Caralyn:

    Try not to be impatient with life.

    As I read a final read through my memoir, I have moments when I wonder why I am sharing things that

    probably should only be shared in confession. I wrote this week about how Maryam’s depression after

    going through a second round of breast cancer was exacerbated by the shaming put on her by professional

    women about her staying home with our kids.

    Behind this kind of shaming stems primarily from guilt over one’s own sins.

    It will take a while for me to process this past week. Friday was particularly weird. My sister lives in

    Boca Raton, Florida and flew up to attend my nephew’s wedding next week Friday. My sister suffered only

    Irma inconveniences, but she was clearly experiencing a nervous breakdown. She talked about the trauma

    of three days without power. No AC; no television; no FB.

    I used to joke that DC would suffer a zombie invasion if the power went out and people had to face life

    straight-up without musical enhancement…

    The day only got worse with time.

    Last night I ate dinner with my prom date from 45 years ago for the first time since then. It was a kind of out of

    body experience. The electricity was still evident. We talked for hours. Her husband was most generous. Life is

    so different today. The kind of things that kept us apart back then would be unthinkable today with social media.

    All I could think was: why Lord did you bring me to this time and place?

    Stephen

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  184. Then there is the shame on the other side of the street … The feeling of being dirty because of poor decisions in your past. The feeling that however much you have changed, you can’t wash away the past…

    All I know, is that there is just too much shame in this world. I hope you rise above it. I think you’re a treasure ❤️

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  185. I’m always amazed by the amount of bravery and the strength of convictions that come out through your writing. It’s what always keeps me coming back.
    I wanted to say, I am 36 going on 37 in a few weeks, and I have male friends who are older than I am, unmarried, and are… wait for it… also virgins. Successful, attractive, well dressed, intelligent, talented MALES that also happen to be virgins. They are out there too. They’ve just been taught that it’s not okay to be one or to talk about being one. And their views on dating are very similar to yours. One is terrified of women now, because he feels it is expected. Since when it became uncool to refrain from being sexually active became a thing, I’m not sure. But I’m not judging, and I know there are a tonne of people out there that are also not judging you poorly based on it.
    Any decent guy out there (and there are a LOT) is going to think you are an absolutely incredible treasure because of it – on top of all of your other fantastic qualities. Keep holding your head up, and don’t miss out on all of the wonderful experiences you could be having in the pursuit of love because of it. If you do come across a man who doesn’t think you are a whole woman because of your virginity, he wasn’t right for you in the first place and it is your good luck to be able to determine that sooner than later. xo

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  186. HI BBB,

    I will be praying for you and your date. The Lord has the right man for you and it will be awesome to see your two paths cross. I waited for the right woman and saved myself into my early thirties, ah almost mid- thirties. Guys can do that, too. When I met Laura I wasn’t looking, but the Lord merged out paths together. I got two great step sons and eventually my daughter. The Lord has a great story for you and I pray you will know when to turn the page.

    In Christ,

    Gary

    On Thu, Sep 14, 2017 at 3:58 PM, BeautyBeyondBones wrote:

    > beautybeyondbones posted: “There are three things you should know about > me. Number One: My go-to drink is a vodka soda with two limes. With > straight up-tequila coming in at a close second. Number Two: It only takes > 1/2 a drink for me to get notably tipsy. Number Three: I am comp” >

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  187. Dear Beauty, your values and standards are a part of your beauty. Don’t be of some “use” to anyone who does not know that. By the way you have left “likes” on some of my posts. I’m staggered that you have time for reading other posts, most especially a “small town grandma” like me! Keep modeling proper behavior for my beautiful great-granddaughters and other of their kind. They are at an age where they want to do right but have so many fake images to inspire them. How about some pictorial books and advice column for preteens? Would be lovely!

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  188. (Sorry in advance if this already posted. There seems to have been a glitch with my computer and it kept telling me my comment didn’t post. If it did, just disregard the repeat haha.)

    Every guy I dated before my husband pressured me for sex, then ended up breaking up with me because the rest of the relationship wasn’t “worth it” without – shall we say – *something* for them. The worst was my boy-who-didn’t-want-to-be-my-boyfriend-but-asked-me-for-sex-everyday who was my last long-term boyfriend-esque relationship before my husband. I was crushed after that relationship ended, mainly because I knew my refusal to have sex was a big factor. The next guy I was interested in backed off when I told him I was waiting until marriage. To his credit, he was open with me, rather than simply ghosting, and told me he wasn’t at a point in his life where he would date someone without sex. Although I appreciated his honesty, I was still upset. I felt like, once again, I was an outcast destined to be alone forever because I wouldn’t “give it up.” I sometimes questioned why God would ask that of me.

    But the next month, I met my now-husband. When I told him I was waiting until marriage, his exact words were, “I won’t mess that up for you.” And he never once, in the nearly three years we dated before marrying, asked me to change my mind, nor did he even bring it up. I thought a guy like that was a metaphorical unicorn and didn’t exist, but he does, and he’s not the only one out there.

    This is a long-winded comment haha, but I just wanted to offer my firsthand account of God’s reward for faithfulness. The world will always try to tell us we should go along with everyone else – and I certainly don’t begrudge anyone who has made the decision to have sex before marriage – but if we feel in our heart that God wants some form of obedience from us, we shouldn’t stray from that. It may look strange to others, but it won’t look strange to the person who will be most impacted by it 🙂

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  189. I applaud you! Loudly and strongly!

    And trust me, there are still a lot of us guys out here looking for exactly the type of woman you are.

    Just consider these lyrical highlights from the song “Good Little Girls” by Blue County:

    “Hardly ever been kissed
    Twenty years of innocence
    Just what I’m looking for”

    “She’s waitin’ for a gold ring
    Before she trys her wings
    That’s what I’m waitin’ for
    I want to be the man holding her hand
    When she can’t hold it back anymore”

    https://youtu.be/8dWF2xQfbEU

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  190. I read your post and thought of two keys words I live by-Strength and Dignity. Those words are found in the Bible in Proverbs 31:25. Thanks for being willing to encourage other women by being vulnerable and courageous yourself💞

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  191. When I first checked your blog and read your posts, I was very impressed how you’re standing that ground of virginity. I am almost 25 and being in the college pool really doesn’t help those who wanted to wait. Virgin men are looked down upon because some girls think they have nothing good to offer and less experienced. While on the other hand, some men would be happy to strip a girl down from her purity. A good friend of mine is 25 and she is still a virgin. I always tell her how I wish to be her. She wears that clothe of purity with red lipstick and a pair of stilettos. I am very proud of her.

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  192. You are absolutely BLESSED, never doubt it and a real man, a true man of God who deserves to be married to you will wait and wait gladly. And the importance of a true love is as couples grow old, health issues and just the aging process take over and that IS when true love matters. And the world shames us if we do, shames us if we don’t, it is just part of the mess we live in. Great post, like the old saying, Be true to you, because you have to live with yourself, never let anyone tell you otherwise.

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  193. Just a quick comment about your blog post on Virgin Shaming. I’m 29 years old and a virgin. I like to think that I’m the rare unicorn among the men and women of my age. And unicorns are awesome! Haha. I am a firm believer of what you said about the ‘right one’ who will actually be okay… or maybe even delighted for someone to make such a carefully though out decision and actually stick with it. I hope he sees the beauty and strength in that and in you when you do cross paths. I’m encouraged by this anyways and thought that I must reply. I don’t think that we will regret it either!

    Sent from my iPad

    >

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    • Thank you so much for sharing this, Erin! I really appreciate your support – it’s nice to know that I’m not alone!! I think you’re right – no regrets! 🙂 hugs to you friend xox

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  194. Girlll!! This post is NOTHING but the truth! Its such a shame that something so beautiful and amazing like virginity is disregarded and ridiculed to shame. You are such an awesome and amazing women with so much to offer, your virginity is just one of those things. The right man for you WILL appreciate you! Stay strong! As a 25 year old virgin I can say it aint easy but surely it is worth it! Mucho besos!

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  195. First shame comes from doing something that in not authentic, you are not doing that. In fact you are rocking virginity. Rocking it!! No Shame in that. Forge ahead, surround yourself with people who love you deeply, and respect you. Then BAM, THE one will be standing in front of you. Like magic.

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  196. This post is beautiful! And I’m right there with you. Quite frankly I don’t care what society thinks of what I’ve chosen to commit to for my future husband. However, I know exactly what the inadequacy feels like every time a seemingly decent guy walks up and two conversations later is walking away because I won’t have sex with them. I let myself get discouraged and lose hope that I’ll find someone who cares about following God and committing their relationships to honoring God. It’s a battle with a lot of sacrifices, but I’m apart of a family that has seen the deep-rooted consequences of not waiting and I don’t want my future family to suffer because of decisions I make now. I don’t want marriage to be a destination and I don’t want sex to be the destination he’s looking for, but I do want us both to be on the path to Heaven and be able to enjoy both of those things together without the scars of the past darkening those gifts to each other. It’s encouraging to know that others are out there seeking to reach the same standard.

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  198. To understand here, you are a smart and beautiful lady engaging with your life in a way that is different from this mainstream society. Not many people are bold enough to share this on their blog but you have more to life than “virginity”. The moment you start living for the peer pressure of societal norms, you will be less happier than what you are today.
    Good day 👍

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  199. To understand here, you are a smart and beautiful lady taking your virginity for a shameful sphere in life. I would say you are bold enough to put this in front of some thousands of people who don’t even know you because you know there are greater things in life other than “virginity”. A part of you will always want that but that part will never be ready to face the consequences, so the moment you start living according to the norms of society and peer pressure, you will be less happier than you are today. Do what you love and never regret. Good day 👍

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  200. I’m just wondering why you feel this way – ashamed. Not you, personally, I guess. But why do any of us feel this way? Is it because we hold what the culture thinks of us in high regard (or any regard at all)? Possibly. It doesn’t have to be about virginity, either.
    As a Christian, I know, I’m supposed to care about what God thinks of me and not what the world thinks of me.
    But I still care about what the world thinks of me, sometimes (most of the time).
    It’s a struggle!

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  201. Ok, I’ll be that first date..haha. Inspiring as always. I believe this is a story that says we should all be looking for someone who shares the same virtue, or makes us better.

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  202. Very open, honest post that so many people young and old are dealing with. I have experienced both sides of the coin and can attest God’s way is the best way. After engaging in pre-marital relations there is the fear of pregnancy, STDs and HIV, and the Walk of Shame when someone is finished with you. When I meet my current husband and we both had experienced some of the above and wanted to do things God’s way this time. We did not date but hung out and became good friends, who decided to marry. And God has given us a healthy marriage that is growing gracefully as we age. God will send you someone in his time, just be patient because a BAD marriage seems to last an eternity – – take my word for it.

    Reply

    • Thank you so much friend. I appreciate your kind words and encouragement. You’re right – His timing is worth mailing for. And thank you for sharing your story. I’m so glad to hear that you have a healthy and loving marriage. That’s a beautiful thing 🙂 big hugs to you xox

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  203. Good afternoon my dear, courageous, and strong Caralyn,
    Feeling very emotional. Feeling very proud and honored to know you, and it is another time where I would love to sit down and just confide so much in you. Anywho, fair warning this may be another lengthy response but I will try to avoid it. First, virgin shaming is another form of abuse, bullying and leads to a person going down a path that is dark and feels hopeless. Teens, pre-teens, young adults, and even maybe some adults feel too pressured by society to have sex and it is just flipping ridiculous. Society in itself is a big pet peeve. It is the one thing that gets my blood pressure going and I want to turn into the Hulk and smash. God has to remind me to love my enemies and not allow them or this fallen world to drag me into the pits.
    Second, I have been where you were in regards to feeling tipsy, saying and or doing something and then the next day I wanted to hide my shame like an ostrich in the sand. Honestly, I think those moments are why I shelter myself from people as I live with so much shame, guilt, scars, etc..(see long and emotional)
    Moving on past the teardrop hotel, there was a time when I followed so close to God then I was at church every day the doors were open with or without my parents. Anywho, I had plans for my future like you to save myself for the right one. Before Falling away from God, the man he would send me. That all changed one night when someone decided to change my plans. I won’t get into it here and honestly, not sure why I brought up except that what you said reminded me of what I wanted as a child and to say again, how brave and strong you are. What you have is a gift, a gift given by God and never let anyone take that away from you.
    Love always and God Bless you.
    xoxo

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    • Oh my gosh, I am just sending you so many hugs right now. Thank you for sharing that with me. I am so sorry that that was taken from you without your consent. You did not deserve that. I hope you know that you deserved to be respected and protected and my heart just breaks to hear that. thank you for your loving encouragement. You’re a great friend and I am so grateful that our paths crossed 🙂 big hugs to you friend xox

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  204. Yo BBB! Never feel the need to defend yourself against yourself. Definition of insanity.The only person you have to deal with at night is the person staring at the ceiling, you. I think what you’re doing is great. You are doing something which is difficult through sacrifice: Right action.

    What you are doing takes personal courage and faith. Regardless of the God you pray to, faith is faith, is faith, all around; Something we can all understand and respect. Your knight will show up, right when the time is right, when you least expect it and it’s gonna scare the ever loving tar out of you. Submit to it, not him.

    MMKKE

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  205. Nothing to add that hasn’t already been said – besides, you made your own case in your post! Great read and insight. If he is not willing to accept and appreciate your convictions, then he’s not worth having you.

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  206. Great post! I feel for you, because it’s easy to recognize that in our culture, patriarchy has deemed that women fail at “pleasing men” in *any* choice we make regarding our sexuality. Women who choose to wait are shamed, women who didn’t choose to wait are shamed, women who’s choice was taken from them are shamed. You’re absolutely right in that the right man for you will accept you as you are and be thankful to share his life with you. But feel free to vent to us when you need to spout off about the impact this society has had on your well being, mental health, and emotional resiliency. 🙂

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  207. I absolutely love your honesty in this post.

    In our society today, if you’re not “easy” you are looked down upon, but if you’re “too easy” you’re looked down on. Basically, you cannot make everyone happy.

    I made the decision when I was 14 (I’m 26 now!) to remain a virgin until my wedding night. That vow to God, myself, and my future husband was something I took very seriously. It was also something that God used to protect my heart (mind and spirit) from falling for guys who were truly not worth my time. There were many Saturday nights at home with my mom where I would often cry because I didn’t have “friends” or a “boyfriend” because my morals were higher than that of the “popular crowd” in school.

    I met my now husband when I was 18 and he was 23. One of the first serious conversations that we had was our vow to remain virgins until marriage. He was the first guy (man!) to ever share that vow and live it out. We dated for 4 years before getting married in 2014 and let me tell you, keeping that vow was NOT always easy. But by the grace of God we succeeded, we kept that promise that we had both made so many years ago and you know what?

    It was more worth it than I could have ever dreamed. To have a love with no regrets is one of the most incredible gifts God has ever given to me.

    So stay strong and don’t let this messed up world “shame” you for standing up for what you deserve. Because that’s just it, you deserve a wonderful man who will love YOU for everything that you are, have been, and will be. The waiting sucks, but oh it is so very worth it. 🙂

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    • wow what a beautiful love story you and your husband share. thank you for sharing that with me. it gives me great hope. thank you so much for your encouraging and kind words. it means the world. big hugs xox

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  209. You are hilarious, I tell you. But I can totally relate. I’m married now with 2 kids but I know how it felt them to be classified as ‘virgin mary’, because I made a decision that really doesn’t concern anyone but me. You go girl. I’m choosing to applaud you not because we believe the same things, but I applaud you because you’re not afraid to make a choice.

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  210. You are hilarious, I tell you. But I can totally relate. I’m married now with 2 kids but I know how it felt then to be classified as ‘virgin mary’ because I made a decision that really didn’t concern anyone but me, my God and my future spouse. You go girl! I’m choosing to applaud you not because we believe the same things, but I applaud you because you’re not afraid to make a choice.

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  211. Just be open to the opportunities.

    Don’t be like the woman who died in the flood. As the water was rising, a 4×4 arrived and offered to take her to safety; she replied, “No, God will save me.” As the water got higher, a boat arrived and offered to take her to safety; she replied, “No, God will save me.” The water continued to rise and she took refuge on the roof. A helicopter came by and offered to take her to safety; again, she replied, “No, God will save me.” She drowned. When she got to heaven, she confronted God about why she hadn’t been rescued. God replied, “I sent you a 4×4 and a boat and a helicopter. What exactly did you want me to do?”

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  212. your vulnerability is quite beautiful!
    t saddens me that something so precious and special could be perceived as a weakness or liability.
    you are spot on when you said the “right guy” won’t think this way. he is out there…
    wishing you so much love and fun as you begin moving past fear to find him.

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  213. I learned from a life coach I know that the working definition of shame is “I’m not okay how I am”…and in recovery its become so true for me that nobody can make us feel shame without our permission!

    I need to say this; I unfollowed you a long time ago when I started recovery because your posts were, sitting from where I sat, so saturated with religion and conservatism that to me, it was almost unbearable. Recovery has taught me the true meaning of a quote I have long had knowledge of, but never really fully understood. “We do not see things as they are, we see things as WE are.” -Anais Nin

    Resentment ripped me away from your writing and your journey, but part of me was so jealous of what you had that I couldn’t stand to sit there and read it. I wanted to argue, tear at, diminish because I was so afraid of having to stare at the posts laced with so much I couldn’t identify with, so much I disagreed with (and still do), all because I thought that being right was more important than finding honest community, connection and understanding in that we are not that much different. We share different politics, different understandings of the world, and different interactions with different modes of the same disorder–but we are tied together in our human bond of being flawed, vulnerable, altogether uncertain but having a faith that keeps us glued to our convictions. I made the mistake of thinking my convictions were better than yours. But the reality is, I just see the world differently. Not better, but differently. And I see how beautiful that is now.

    Thank you for your story, for checking my humility without even trying, and for your undying love and patience for the world.

    All the love I can possibly find and muster,
    Cait

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    • Hey Cait, thank you so much for you honesty and for giving my blog another chance. You’re so right – it really is a beautiful things. We all are coming to the table with different perspective and beliefs and backgrounds, but he important thing is that we’re at the same table and there with respect and compassion. 🙂 so thank you for that. You have a beautiful heart, and that is shining through and bringing a big smile to my face. So thank you:) sending so much love and hugs xox

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  214. What an amazing gift to be able to give your husband some day. Just remember, if it is the RIGHT man, he will value your decision to remain a virgin and support you in that! ❤️❤️

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  216. I was going to add my thoughts, but you had 530+ comments already. I’m sure what I was going to say is somewhere in there.

    . . . so, when you find it . . . “ditto!”

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  217. You are very honest….
    But speaking from a guy’s point of view, particularly my own, it is actually nice that he knows a girl hasn’t slept around with other men prior to him. Also, a guy that would reject you or refuse to get to know you because you are a virgin would be silly and not someone worth knowing or falling in love with in the first place.
    This is not to mention that our societal pressures are enormous on us when it comes to sex, dating, and marriage. You are certainly not alone!

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  218. I have had christians condemn me for not saving myself for my husband. They look down upon me as if I am scum and they are somehow better than I am because they chose the righteous path.
    I didn’t get to choose. I was abused. Those who use christianity to shame victims of abuse are deplorable. And yet I come in contact with them all too frequently.
    To be a christian there should be love. There should be no judgment. There should be no shaming of virgins or abuse victims or those who simply make mistakes based on their circumstance. I have been a minister for almost 20 years now and I have seen far too much shame put on ANYONE who doesn’t fit the little perfect box that another christian deems them to be fit in. This is NOT christianity. We are imperfect trying to follow Jesus and because of Him we are forgiven NOT judged. You, nor I should be judged for the state of our…well…vaginas….I cannot put it any other way. We should not be judged for our weight, our hair, our sexuality. We should be cherished because of our devotion, our love, and our intent to do no harm but only to help with unconditional love.
    So I stand with you against the shaming of ANYONE. FOR IT IS NOT THE CHRISTIAN WAY.

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    • Gosh, Bethany, I am so sorry that you had to endure that abuse. that absolutely breaks my heart. know that you did not deserve that abuse. you deserve to be respected and cherished as the precious gift you are. And I am so sorry that that happened to you. I am sending you the absolute biggest hugs. You’re so right, judgement does nothing but hurt people, and create gross generalizations and stereotypes that are false and devastating. Yes!! let’s stand together : )hugs xo

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  219. Consider yourself a gift to someone chosen for you. If you are a gift, you are wrapped without blemish. If I was offered a gift that had been put away and protected until a special moment, I would feel honored. I would feel not so special if that gift had been opened and trashed by others. If the gift was rewrapped and renewed the giver would still know the truth and so would I. You deserve to be honored and respected. Hold your head high. You have done nothing to feel ashamed. You are beautiful and a special gift for someone special.

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  220. I saw that you liked one of my stories, and it brought me here. I don’t know anything about you and have barely perused your blog so far. But, the title of virgin shaming struck me as interesting; since, I am also a virgin at nearly 26 yr old. The V card struggles are real and deep. For me, as a guy, I’m torn by the want to rid myself of it and experience the awesomeness of sex and the desire to stay pure until the day I meet my wife. I look forward to the day I get my first girlfriend, and she accepts me for who I am. I understand your guardedness, and I respect that tremendously. It’s girls like you that guys like me and many other guys dream of. Except, you change the bar to a bonfire and a starlit sky, and you got me sold. But seriously, you are a fantastic young lady who has your whole life ahead of you and everything to look forward to. There isn’t a real rush to go get a guy. There is about as much rush for me to go out and get a girl. Let it flow. Let it happen. It’ll happen when and where you least expect it. God has a plan. Forcing His plan, it usually leads to regrets. I’ve tried a few times in various forms. I’m so proud of you and everything you have and continue to stand for. I hope whomever the lucky guy is that gets the first date whenever that is that he will treat you like the queen you are. If he doesn’t, God has a way of straightening things out real quick. God bless and wish we could meet in person one day. Keep strong. You aren’t the only virgin left.

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    • Let it flow. Let it happen. I love that. Gosh, thank you so much for sharing your story and for your wonderful encouragement. It really means a lot. I appreciate your honesty. It’s nice to know I’m not alone. 🙂 Hugs and love xox

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      • Absolutely. Glad to contribute a few words of honesty and transparency to your life story that is continuing to be written. Hugs. I look forward to reading and replying as you continue to express your life and thoughts here. Hopefully I can lend a hand whenever you need one to hold and a shoulder when you need something to stabilize you. God Bless.

  221. Thank you for this blogpost about such an important issue! I notice “virgin shame” in our culture too. I hate how the movie “Grease” made fun of virginity and goodness and implied that the way to win a guy is by dressing and acting like a slut and throwing your body at him. It hasn’t gotten any better since that film was made. That kind of thing kind of gives the impression this world is not in the hands of the best, doesn’t it?

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  222. Wow. Everyone has said everything. 😁 post,BBB, and being in the sane shoes as you, I 100 relate. Thanks for sharing that. Keep writing and sharing😊 God will do the greater work. Lots of love, lady!😉

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  223. I chose to remain a virgin until marriage too. I’m probably twice your age as I got married in my early 20’s and have been so for half my life. Remaining a virgin was the choice I knew was right for me but it certainly wasn’t well received or accepted by many of my friends and especially potential boyfriends. I even had a friends mother tell me that I should try sex at least once before marriage so I know what to expect.

    Despite all I experienced because of my choice I stood my ground and so thankful I did. God will put the right man in your life at the right time. Be strong, don’t settle! God has a plan!! ❤️🙏🏼

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  224. This is a great post on a topic that’s polarizing, but really shouldn’t be (it’s your choice, after all!). I think you’ve taken a really sensible approach here. Can’t wait to hear how that date turns out!

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  225. Ms. Caralyn, this post had me in tears for joy! I second all who have commented that holding out for the husband God will send you way to appreciate everything about you. I may need to take a day reading your post, but I will definitely get your book for my daughters and granddaughters. This post alone has blessed Me in ways I can’t even explain. Praying God continues to be your guide, beautiful BeautyBeyondBone!

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  227. I remained a virgin through high school. I had a lot of guilt and fear around sex because of my Christian upbringing, even though I revolted against it by the time I was fifteen or sixteen. Then I had shame because I had remained a virgin and felt I would be inadequate because of it.

    A woman who has remained a virgin until marriage is not somehow defective. She is a prize. It’s our time and place that are defective. If you find a godly man, or even a good man who is not a Christian, he will respect you for keeping your virtue, and if he hasn’t done so he will wish that he had. Men like that are rare, but they exist.

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  228. I meant to say: if I could go back and talk to myself when I was 14 or 15, I would tell myself that it takes great strength of character to wait until you are married, when everyone is telling you you must be gay or screwed up if you’re still a virgin. I probably wouldn’t have listened to myself though. But it’s true. There isn’t something wrong with you because you’ve chosen to pay the price for trusting that what God says is good and right is good and right. Don’t give up. The difficulty you experience in being faithful is being used by God to prepare you for other works He has for you to do.

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  229. Great post. I know you were not look for compliments when you wrote this, but you are not less of a woman, nor are you defective, or undesirable. Instead you’re whole and pure, and I’m so glad that you have joy and peace in knowing that. It’s something to both celebrate and protect. As a man who wants to be married to a solid Christian girl, that’s a quality I want in my wife, and it’s one that I want to give her when her and I do get together. This isn’t meant to come off as cliche, but celebrate the beautiful gift you possess. Your husband will be so grateful knowing you saved your best for him and not the rest. Oh, and extra points for using an animated GIF of Urkel!

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  230. I love your use of photos/videos/gifs. I make videos and I love humor so I doubly enjoyed your selections. After I read this post and your comments about you Catholicism, I can’t for the life of me understand why you signed on to my blog? Love to understand.

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  231. I don’t know how old you are but I think this is something that is bothering you very much, because, this is the second time I’m hearing you talk about your virginity. I’d say, don’t think too much on it, let it go and you’ll find peace with yourself. God bless (I also pray you find someone that loves you just the way you are)

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  233. I don’t have a daughter… Only sons. So I pray this for their future wives…
    They are so hidden in Jesus under God’s wing my sons will have to be seeking Jesus to find her.
    Pray that for you too.💝

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  234. I’m proud of you! Your sex-status is to be commended because it is truly a rare status to sport in this day and time. But you can strut your stuff, and don’t turn down any dates you feel God is sending your way. You never know the next man might an angel meant just for you!

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  235. Dear Caralyn,

    Just because the prevailing culture has decided that your purpose as a young woman is to give and receive sexual pleasure does not make it so. Too many men, young and old, view wives or girlfriends as little more than a toilet for relieving themselves. You are not a toilet.

    One good way to separate the toilet seekers from the real men with honorable intentions is to choose not to be a toilet. Toilet seekers will wander off in search of relief. Good riddance. You do not want to be treated like a toilet for the rest of your life. You do not want to be a divorced, single mother, if for whatever reason, the sex dries up, because he was looking for a toilet and the toilet is now broken and he wants a new one.

    Marriage is about finding someone to build a family with. Reproduction is more than sperm meeting egg and producing a baby. Reproduction is about passing on your values and beliefs to your children–those values and beliefs that are most precious to you. To do that, you need someone who shares those values and beliefs–and that doesn’t include toilet boy.

    I tend towards bluntness. If this is too blunt, you won’t hurt my feelings by deleting the comment.

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  236. When my husband and I got married we were both virgins. We both shared the conviction that we should save ourselves for marriage. Prior to me marrying my husband I got accused of all kinds of things because of my choice. I can honestly say saving ourselves for marriage was a precious gift that we gave one another. It is lovely what peace and trust that purity has brought to our lives. I just want to encourage you, any one has the ability to give that up. It takes courage and strength to stick to your convictions and believe God has that right guy for you.

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  237. Your virginity is a badge of honor. Do not compromise your integrity for anyone! When the right man comes along, he won’t want you to give up your morality for him. To him you will be perfect the way you are. Too many will compromise in hopes of catching a mate, don’t be one of the masses; be one of the noble pure. God bless, R. I.

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    • hahahaha thank you so much! only if you count going out with a guy friend 🙂 haha but I’m still determined to go out in the next week or so!! i’m working on it 🙂 thanks for keeping me accountable! Hugs and love xox

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  239. It’s Oct. 3, did you go on that date? Just so you know, it’s not just young people who feel the virgin shaming. I’m not a virgin, been married, had kids. He’s gone now, and I have no desire to date and hop into bed with some guy. Of course, there are other issues, so for now I don’t date and I’m okay with that. Not sure how much longer that will be true though. Thanks for stopping by.

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    • haha oh gosh, i only went on a “friend date” with a guy friend 🙂 but i’m not giving up yet! i’m still working on it!! thanks for your kind words and encouragement. big hugs to you Nita xox

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  240. You have nothing to be ashamed of. You are a beautiful gift to the world and all those who see you are blessed! xoxoxo God Bless you every day!

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    • Thanks so much Derek. Haha uuuh I’m working on it 🙂 if you count a friend date with a guy friend, then yes. But technically… not yet. But I’m still working on it! 🙂 Hugs and love xox

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      • Haha, classic. Friends date sort of count, but only if interest persists. Otherwise it’s a nice night out with a good friend, which is just as great. After reading your 10 Thoughts on Dating, though, I would say it doesn’t. But you are a breath of fresh air and I look forward to reading more from you and getting to know you through your writing. Take care and I’ll see you next post!

  243. Thank you for your transparency! I am trying my best, with the Lord’s guidance, to encourage a beautiful high school senior to remain a virgin…to wait on the husband God has for her. She is struggling but truly wants to make the commitment to wait. I will share this with her.

    Blessings to you as you stay the course!

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  245. Dear heart, I encourage you in your virginity. This is God’s intent and gift. There is no shame or embarrassment in this. If only our society were so modest. As a 43-year-old virgin I can attest to you that my virginity is a BLESSING and GIFT to my future husband, if this is God’s will for me (to marry). I love the Lord and love His ways! Trust and know that there are great blessings in obedience!! God bless you and here to encourage you.

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  246. Nice share, i think You have done nothing to feel ashamed.keep your conviction,You deserve to be honored and respected. You are beautiful too

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  247. I admire your courage in being so open about this topic. Sometimes I too feel a bit ashamed of being a virgin because we live in a world where your sexuality should apparently define you. This post was a welcome affirmation for me.

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  248. No shame in saving yourself for your future husband. You are a role model to so many for making that commitment to yourself and a godly man would definitely see it. You are covered by God!

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  249. Saving yourself for marriage is honorable. It’s also God’s way and God’s way is always best. Anyone who would taunt you or ridicule you for being a virgin is jealous and realizes they have given the best gift they have to give to a husband up cheaply. Don’t ever be ashamed of doing things God’s way. Perhaps not drinking alcohol would also be beneficial. Why put something in your mouth that’s going to mock you? Just a thought, not a judgement. Be proud and be who you are. God bless you.

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  250. Love the honesty in your posts ❤️

    And so much has already been said in the comments here that I wonder if I have anything new to add. Haha.

    But anyway, here’s my story… Hope it inspires in some way.

    I never dated all throughout my student years. This was not a deliberate choice on my part, it just turned out that way.

    Mostly, I lived through unending cycles of liking guys who didn’t fancy me, or being pursued by guys I didn’t have any interest in.

    I remember stupidly telling a friend who once asked me if I was seeing anyone that “I hoped the guy I dated would be the one I marry.” I felt so foolish afterwards because it felt like an impossible thing to ever happen.

    Fast forward many, many years later, I met my husband when I was 25. We were on the same committee that was organising a camp for young adults through a ministry known as Graduate Christian Fellowship.

    We were in an exclusive relationship a year later, and got married 3 years afterwards. All throughout our courtship we never even kissed and our first kiss was on our wedding day.

    And here’s the extra amazing thing: We had never dated anyone else prior to our relationship with each other (I nearly did after graduation, but it didn’t work out and that’s another long story hehe).

    A lot of the things that happened in my journey towards marriage were not necessarily because of my superior spirituality or wonderful character or anything like that. In fact, it was a hard, long road with lots of sillyness and embarassing behaviour from me factored into it. That it all turned out well was really a giant dose of God’s grace.

    Despite all the many tears and tough times over the years, I’d say I’m thankful for the way God unfolded His plan for my life. In many ways, we can never predict what He has in store, but it is always for the best though we may not see it yet from where we are right now.

    Hang in there, just be the unique person that I see you already are, and who knows when that gorgeous dude whom you will marry will cross your path.

    “Experience” in terms of sexual encounters is certainly not needed for a splendid Happily Ever After outcome. We did just great over here without any of that. 🙂

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    • Thanks so much Susanna, I really appreciate you sharing your story. Wow what a special love story you and your husband share. So beautiful! Thanks for the encouragement! Hugs and love xox

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  251. Part of my work is to listen to people who have “issues,” shall we say. It has seemed to me how lots of women deal with “not being enough.” Guys experience it differently and name it differently, but it’s definitely there.
    What I am finding in my life now is that the very deep and abiding sense of inferiority is becoming a place of creativity – inasmuch as I’m able to inhabit it without judgment. I find both religion and spirituality helpful here.
    It’s the deep wounds of our lives that can open up to be places of encounter. So, your writing about Virgin Shame does that because you made yourself vulnerable. Thanks for making a safe place today for many. -R

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  253. It is so refreshing to read your article – too many girls feel the pressure to lose their virginity and end up doing it with the wrong guy and it messes them up just because they shouldn’t be a virgin at their age. Women have the choice to do what they want and I think in the media they are trying to promote the idea that girls can have sex like men which is fine but there’s not enough to say by the way still being a virgin is cool too – you never get that in teen dramas etc x

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  254. Hang in there. It will definitely be worth it—eventually. And thanks for liking my post at 101 Days of Love. I’m impressed with how you’ve set yours up. I have no idea how to incorporate great video clips like you did!

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  255. It takes courage to be vulnerable both in holding to your values and talking about them.
    Ironically, I’m at. Barnes and Noble event for a meet and greet / book signing for my memoir Beyond Recovery a Journey of Grace, Love, and Forgiveness. I asked for this and it happened. Now I get to sit and smile and interact with “strangers” about some of the most intimate details of my life. No expectations- just showing up and being willing to smile as I share part of my story with the world.
    You will find the right guy. I’m sure. For now, keep writing. I love your posts.
    Ciao.
    Shawn.

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  256. Hey there…Virginity is a gift not something to be ashamed of! It;s a gift. It’s a blessing. It allows you to be more you, and not what culture currently dictates. It’s tough to stick to your beliefs and convictions when culture says otherwise. Hang in there, and continue to be true to your beautiful inner strength.

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  258. Any man who would reject you because of your virginity is an idiot and not worth your time. Like Jesus said, shake the dust off your sandals and move on.

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  259. Thank you so much for sharing! It was very encouraging! Appreciated your post! Sadie Robertson from Duck Dynasty and I talk about saving sex for marriage on Soul Check TV:

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  261. Sadly, in this part of the world, we don’t shame the virgin, we shame the non virgin. It’s not cute to be a virgin, it’s acceptable. Even though things are changing slowly, it’s just disgusting to be shamed as a virgin or a non virgin. BTW loved the post! ❤

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  262. Gurl, you are more precious than rubies! luv annie

    On Thu, Sep 14, 2017 at 6:58 PM, BeautyBeyondBones wrote:

    > beautybeyondbones posted: “There are three things you should know about > me. Number One: My go-to drink is a vodka soda with two limes. With > straight up-tequila coming in at a close second. Number Two: It only takes > 1/2 a drink for me to get notably tipsy. Number Three: I am comp” >

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  263. So very well put. I love that you are talking about this topic! I wish I had been as strong as you when I went through the same struggle (virgin=good to what’s wrong?). Hopefully, through this it will inspire girls/women out there to stand without shame. #virginpower #shamenomore #stronginspirationalwoman

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  264. OK, so there are a billion women commenting here – here’s a guy’s view (just one guy, I speak only for myself). Firstly, I had no idea there are guys who wouldn’t want to date a virgin. You have something amazing, intimate and precious to give to the right person. Anyone who is willing to take that gift and not understand the importance it holds to you is simply not worth you. When you do meet Mr Right you will not regret waiting, and he will appreciate you all the more for waiting.

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  265. Hi, Caralyn. An impressive post, and a very impressive Comment turn out. I’m impressed by the amount of time you take to respond to so many of these comments. An important subject. I’m guessing shaming other people for any reason says more about the person doing the shaming than the person on people they’re trying to shame. Keep up the good work. Bob

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  267. Hello there! You have been following and liking my blog, so I decided to check yours out. This particular post caught my eye. I have to tell you, I am a 41 year old, very attractive and talented woman (if I do say so myself), and am also still a virgin. You want to talk about shaming!!! I have said those very words, “I feel less than a woman” to my friends, so your thoughts and feelings here resonate deeply, my friend.

    The fact is, I had a traumatic sexual experience when I was 16, and although that experience has kept me from letting men get to close to me, God has used it in His sanctification. What I have meant for control, He has meant for His glory. And now, He is revealing these things to me through, what I affectionately call, The Great Depression (which is fancy talk for peri-menopause).

    I know that I know that I know that there is man God has created for me, but thank God His way is perfect, and His sanctification is real. E-mail a sister if you want to talk anymore about this. Meanwhile, keep on keeping on, in the name of Jesus. It is not in our righteousness that He has set us apart in this decision. It is in His righteousness and for His glory. I am not a strong independent woman; I am weak and completely dependent on Him, but in our weakness, HE is made strong. Can I get an “Amen?”

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  270. I admire your sticking to your convictions and beliefs. It’s commendable, especially in the society and culture in which we live. Keep on keeping on that path. The right guy will come around, and he will cherish you for who you are. God bless.

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  271. I’m now scrolling through all your wonderful posts since I’ve started reading your blog and I’m glad I found this one. Strangely enough, I get more flack for being a virgin from girls than I do from guys. I mentioned I was a virgin to a guy friend (I don’t remember how it came up) and he said, “You know. I can respect that. It’s admirable to stand by what you believe.” Contrast that with all the girls who try to set me up, assume I’m a lesbian, or that I must pleasure myself because it’s impossible to go without sex. Granted, I’m no sainted nancy and I’ve struggled with lust and habitual sin, but it’s no less a sin or a disrespect of my promise than actual sex would be. Like no, I’m not pretending to be a goody goody to save face, I actually do care about this.

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    • Hi Erica! Thank you so much for sharing your experience. Yeah, women should build each other up! Not tear them down! 🙁 I’m sorry you’ve had to go through that. You’re so right – I’m glad this is something you feel passionately about too! 😊 big hugs friend xox

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  272. I just now saw this post, and I know you went on a date since then…. so…. 😉
    Look, I skipped all the way over all the other comments – I did want to read them or be affected by them – just so I could leave for you a comment stratight from my heart (if it sounds like what anyone else has written, it’s not because I copied). I know you are huge in the blogosphere. I know I am only one of 34K+ followers. I know that when I read your posts it’s almost like I could just call you up and schedule a coffee date (with my wife’s permission, of course), but in reality you are just short of full-blown celebrity status. However, I am so grateful that you do take the time to read comments, and so I feel relatively confident you’ll eventually read this. Therefore… God bless you! God bless you! God bless you! I don’t know how to put my feelings into words without saying something that others have already deemed turning virginity into an idol. Don’t let anyone (person, principality, or power) make you think you are “less than,” “unworthy,” “not enough,” or any other lie; you have the rare opportunity (rare because the world has falsely painted it as worthless) to experience a once-in-a-lifetime joy conceived by God for a man and woman to enjoy – a married man and woman. For the love of God’s creation so tained by the sin of this culture, continue to be an example of what a girl CAN have, if she wants it.

    I have two young girls (21 and 17) who are virgins, and they are not ashamed. And even though you would still be loved regardless, like a father, I’m proud of you. Again, God bless!

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    • Hi Anthony, oh my gosh you are too funny, thank you for these kind words. It sounds like you’ve got two great girls 🙂 Thank you for your encouragement. You’ve made my day! Big hugs to you xox

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  273. Just seeing this post lol I know I’m so beyond late! But girl, keep your purity for your husband who God is going to send for you in his timing in Jesus Name! Don’t be ashamed AT ALL! Do what is right and don’t let the devil allure you to “just give it up” for giving up sakes or just to feel accepted as an experienced woman! NO WAY! God bless you and much love as always! Xxoo 😘🙏💞✨

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    • Oh Tammy, thank you for building up my confidence. You’re so awesome. You’re right – that what the devil wants us to believe, but we can resist! Hugs and love xox

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  275. There’s no shame in being a virgin and it isn’t weird. You’re not less of a woman because you don’t ‘know’ a man. I’ll remind you of this.

    Our Lady is a Virgin. The only man she ever knows is the Lord. She wasn’t ever less of a woman in her life because of that. In fact she is THE example for all of is.

    Rather than looking at it as something you’re missing out on…you have the opportunity to display the Lord to others (and from what I can tell you try to do that). So in a sense you already ‘know’ a man…that being Christ.

    So if you should get married…that’ll probably be more of the gift to your husband.

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  276. I loved this post. As a guy, my own virginity has given me great shame/fear/embarrassment, especially as I’ve progressed through my 20s. You may also have inspired me to open up & write my own post about my virginity.

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  277. Is perfectionism getting in the way of your perfection? Let it go … the perfectionism I mean.
    And you will soon enough realise; you are, indeed, perfect.

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    • Oh gosh farrrrrr from it. Thanks for your kindness, P. That was definitely a demon I had to kick out of my life. I appreciate you stopping by. Hugs and love xox

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  278. True story: I was a virgin too and yes, did experience what you aptly labeled “virgin shaming.” A comment from a man who wanted to marry me made me realize he wasn’t the right one: “Of all the women in the world, I had to fall in love with you.” Emphasis on the “you” that made it equivalent to “yuck.” Because I wanted to wait until marriage before having sex. Fast forward several years and my “friend” and I are passing softball. He’s also the friend that I hiked and biked with I’ve mentioned before. We went to the same Singles Ministry at church. We’re talking and out of the blue, he says, “You’re a virgin, aren’t you?” Absolutely floored me. I waited for the proverbial other shoe to drop. I felt myself physically stiffen to prepare for the negative onslaught. But you know what? It didn’t come. He praised me. He said it was a wonderful thing. He was God’s choice for me…in God’s timing. I had told God He was enough, and I think God rewarded me with this wonderful man. BTW, I was 44 when I got married. I know you want children of your own so I’m praying for you that you will meet that special, Christian man who will appreciate you. One other thing (sorry this is so long), I hated dating too. Romance dating never worked out for me. It was my friend I fell in love with. Join Christian hiking groups, biking, etc., whatever you enjoy, and just be as authentic as you are on your blog. Don’t worry about dating. My husband and I tell people we never really dated…and it’s true! 🙂

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    • Hello again friend! thank you so much for this beautiful encouragement and for sharing your story. I’m so glad you have been blessed with such an incredible husband. what a beautiful love story! you give me hope! hugs xo

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  281. It’s sad how society has this unspoken rule that you must have a problem if you are over eighteen and still a virgin! If only people knew in depth the consequences of soul ties as stated in 1 Corinthians 6:16-20 ,then virginity would be valued in this day and era. Personally, I relate to what you have experienced since that was my fear for a long time until I hid myself completly in God’s truth. I dreaded getting into relationships because I was afraid the guy would want to have sex but I would refute and that would be the end of us or I’d give into momentary pleasure and live with the guilt for a lifetime. But I thank God because He has good plans for you and I and every other lady out their saving their virginity because He will give us the desires of our hearts when we meet men who share our sentiment.

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    • Thanks so much for sharing your story and for your support. Amen – God does have good plans. Hugs and love xox

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  283. While I am married, who says we even have to have a spouse or a partner? We can create any life we want for ourselves. As long as you are being you, that is all that matters. You will always have people who will love and support you for who you are.

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  284. I know I’m commenting on this several months late, but on a note related to being a virgin, I have a potential suggestion: consider asking for the intercession of St. Agnes and St. Maria Goretti.

    Here’s the story with them [TW for anyone who reads the comments: sexual assault]:

    St. Agnes was a young girl who had lots of suitors. She however desired to remain pure, and she was killed as a result of that desire.

    St. Maria Goretti was also a young girl when she was killed, except what happened was that her suitor killed her when she did not give consent to have sex.

    Both of them are patron saints of chastity. They are also patron saints of sexual assault survivors. And Maria Goretti is a patron saint of forgiveness.

    I don’t know if you’re into asking saints to pray for us (I assume you are, since you’re very openly Catholic). But if you are, you might want to consider asking St. Agnes and St. Maria Goretti to pray for you. 🙂

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    • Hey Brendan, wow what powerful lives they lived. thank you so much for sharing them with me. I will definitely ask for their intersession! i had no idea they even existed!!! 🙂 Hugs and love xox

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      • Haha don’t thank me…thank God for putting me in the position to know these saints. I didn’t know about these saints until the last few days. But with God’s help, I recently ended up with a job just a block away from St. Agnes Church (a block away from Grand Central). With God’s help, I was at a Mass where the priest talked about St. Maria Goretti. And it was God who led me to look more into these saints. I don’t think I should really take credit for a series of events that are really God things.

        Also, on an unrelated note, I’m going to start making the effort to actually meet blogger friends (especially if they’re based in the NYC area as I currently am). Would you be interested in that?

  285. Be careful what you broadcast. Many men want virgins and honestly if I could relive my life I would be a virgin until death. Not too many men out there worth giving yourself to. I knew a lady who is still a live she is 98 years old and a virgin and I think it is the most blessed thing. So many terrible people out there. I just say be careful. and truly good luck in trying to find prince charming in today’s time. I would get a dog or a cat and pray in God’s time if it is God’s will give you a husband. Putting things like this is the open will attract many men and that is not always the best Love me for my mind not because I am a virgin. and many men will pretend to be perfect men to take your virginity. and what good is a marriage that is over in a year. he was never there for you just knew once you were married he could get the goodies. and now he is gone. Sorry I just speak these things because there are monsters in the world. and I would speak the same thing to all my friends

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  286. Hopefully, you’re still a virgin since this post is over a year old and there are already 688 comments on the blog already. It’s unlikely I’ll have anything new to add. Nevertheless, I’ll comment. Stay a virgin until marriage. It’s the one thing I regret when I married my wife and I wasn’t a virgin. I gave myself over to another long before I met my wife and I wish I hadn’t.

    The virgin-shaming is a result of our pornographic society. Consciously, and subconsciously, a women’s sexual prowess is unrealistically raised to the bar of pornographic expectations. Women are led to believe they need sexual experience to be worthy of their spouse or necessary for their self-esteem. It’s a lie. Always has been.

    Sexual experience with another creates a bond with that person and that bond carries on into marriage. “How?” you may ask. It carries over in memory and flashbacks and it impacts marriage to varying degrees. Sometimes quite subtle and at other times it lingers. The shame you feel is forced upon you by our pornographic society that permeates everything. Moreover, shame has its roots in evil. The first time we are presented with shame is in the Garden of Eden after Adam and Eve chose to become autonomous and sinned. It was shame that caused Adam and Eve to hide themselves from God instead of running into his arms. Shame kept them away from God.

    Don’t let shame drive you away from your virtue. The world applauds pre-marital sex and scorns virginity and some sort of mental disorder. Lastly, marry a man who is also a virgin and not hooked on porn, if you can find one. As a matter of fact, trust God let him bring that man to you instead of you going out searching for him.

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    • Hi Jim, thank you so much for sharing your thoughts on this. I completely trust Him. Hugs and love xox

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  287. Idk how I stumbled on this post of yours haha. Anyways, it’s really admirable that you’re still a virgin and are waiting for “Mr. Right”. Nothing to be ashamed of. That feeling of shame is due to false ideas of sexuality that are so pervasive in modern culture. To be able to share that with one person is such a gift. You’ll see ;). I wish you the best! #mayauntflowkeepflowing

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  288. AMDG

    Caralyn, I was *stunned* the day a college acquaintance *confided* in me that she was still a virgin, stunned that she was embarrassed by it. That was in the late 80’s. At the time I was hoping to one day be a Religious Sister & it never *dawned* on me to consider virginity anything but a privilege! This dear young lady was suffering from “virgin shaming” & succumbed before the year was out. I don’t know what happened to her after that (our paths didn’t cross much), but it made my heart ache for her.

    I grew up with impurity. I was left my virginity, as a technical point, but was treated as a source of another’s pleasure. The line that was crossed left me with a warped sense of identity, of what it means to be a lady. I knew there *should* be a “line” somewhere–this is appropriate and this is not–but I didn’t know where that line should be, especially since I knew that my “comfort zone” had been grossly miscalibrated by the abuse. I wanted to be kind and generous, which meant that I let men push me well beyond what I now know to be healthy.

    As it turned out, the Good God had a U-turn in mind for me at the convent–I was a live-in candidate for 2 1/2 months before the novice mistress told me to, “Go home and discern some more.” That discernment led to marriage with a young man who had himself spent time discerning in the seminary. Seriously considering a vocation to Religious Life gave us the perspective to see *marriage* as a vocation, which is *powerful*. There is at least as much of a vocation crisis with regard to marriage–as a Sacrament designed to reflect the deep, sacrificial love that God has for His Bride, the Church–as there is to the priesthood and Religious Life. We need holy families! And they don’t “just happen”!

    That discernment also gave me perspective on who I am as a woman. My chastity is not just “about me”. It’s not just a matter of what *I* am or am not comfortable with. I can’t hold those boundaries (what right have I to impose on someone else what they can or can’t do to me?).

    I belong to God. I am His daughter and His bride (yes, as a married lady too :), and *He* wants me to be treated with reverence and respect. I uphold *His* rights when I will not permit myself to be used merely for another’s pleasure. I honor *Him* when I present myself with dignity, as His masterpiece. Again, it’s not about *me*. It’s about *Him*. I have found that profoundly empowering.

    I will second what another commenter said about the saints–getting to know them has done more for my spiritual life than anything else. Most of the woman martyrs died defending their virginity! It’s worth dying for. It’s worth *living* for.

    This article on the honor of woman is radically counter-cultural in a beautiful way, painting a picture of woman as a sacred garden to be nurtured and *protected* (as a gardener, I can relate–my tulips just got eaten by deer!). I hope you find it as inspiring as I did!

    https://finerfem.wordpress.com/2017/12/31/the-honorable-woman/

    Blessings!

    Reply

  289. This sounds so much like what you’re experiencing…

    Baruch 6:42-43, on the folly of idolatry

    And their women, girt with cords, sit by the roads,
    burning chaff for incense;
    and whenever one of them is drawn aside by some passerby
    who lies with her,
    she mocks her neighbor
    who has not been dignified as she has,
    and has not had her cord broken.

    Reply

    • Oh wow, thank you for sharing that!! I appreciate your support. Hugs and love xox

      Reply

  290. In the world today more so than ever people say they celebrate differences among people, but that as long it not related to a core value of who you are as a person and you are willing to change to be more like them. Stay strong remain committed to your beliefs and thank you for sharing such personal part of your life.

    Reply

    • Thank you so much for your kind words of encouragement. it truly means so much! 🙂 Hugs and love xox

      Reply

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