Dear Roseanne Barr,

** Just a note before we start: mental illness is a tough issue. And those suffering need compassion and loving support. If someone is incapable of making their own decisions, or truly not in control of their words or actions, in addition to needing the utmost love and support, they also need professional help. And clearly, this post is not referring to those people. The recoveries I am talking about tonight are the warriors who are aware and in control of their actions, and capable of deciding that they want to get better. I hope that you read this from the place of “fired up, tough love” that it was meant. My heart and prayers go out to all those suffering, in all stages of recovery.

I’m sure by now, that you have all heard about the horrendous things that Roseanne Barr tweeted out earlier this week.

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In case you missed it, she spewed off some disgustingly racist remarks, attacking Obama’s former advisor, Valerie Jarrett. She tweeted, “Muslim brotherhood & planet of the apes had a baby = vj.” This is repugnantly racist, as Jarrett is an African American woman.

And since then, ABC has cancelled the show and done everything they can to sever ties and distance themselves from Barr, as they very well should. That remark was disgusting.

Also since then, Barr — in addition to apologizing — has blamed her tweet on Ambien, and additionally blamed a mental illness, (multiple personality disorder,) that she says she has received 16 years of psychiatric help to cure.

And whether or not she is actually suffering from mental illness, well…that is between she and her doctor.

But in the midst of the firestorm, there has been only one person I have seen come to somewhat of a defense for Barr: Jimmy Kimmel:

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And this is where things get…muddy.

I have so many mixed feelings about this. Because on the one hand, Jimmy is absolutely right: a person suffering with mental illness does need and deserve compassion and patience, and access to resources. One hundred percent. But the fact is, mental illness does not make you racist.

And as someone who very much suffered from mental illness — hello, I almost died from anorexia — I can tell you full well the compassion I needed from my loved ones, who were pleading with me to just “eat a damn sandwich.” Of course, that’s not what they said, but that’s how society at large views anorexia. Come on, you vain waif, just get over yourself and eat something!” — As though it’s a choice.

But their compassion was exactly what I needed when I kept slipping up, or struggling with my treatment plan, or just plain hurting.

However, here’s the difference. — And this is assuming that Barr does, in fact, have multiple personality disorder, which for the sake of argument, we will take her word for.

When I was recovering from my anorexia, my loved ones and I did absolutely everything we could to set me up for success, and avoid creating temptations to fail.

My family created an environment for me to thrive: the fridge was stocked with my favorite nutrient-dense foods, and Ensure weight-gaining drinks. And when eating at home proved to be challenging for me, God bless him, my father took me to a different restaurant all over the city every night. We would go to different buffets so that I could try this and that in little bits, so that I could reintroduce myself to different foods, and fall in love with food again.

They supplied me with loose fitting clothes so that I wouldn’t feel bloated or triggered by my changing body. Took me to every doctor appointment.

And we took the triggering full length mirror out of my room.

And to this day, I don’t even own a scale!

But my family and myself worked together to create the absolute best situation for a successful recovery. And for that, I am forever grateful.

 

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So my question is this: If Barr truly does have multiple personality disorder, why the hell does she have 2am access to a Twitter account? 

Why would she put herself in an environment that has the potential to be detrimental for her condition?

When you are in recovery from an addiction, or are working through a mental illness, you have a responsibility to your recovery. Let me put that a different way: You have to be responsible for your own recovery. 

There, I said it.

There’s no tiptoeing around it. If you really want to live a recovered life, it takes work. It takes fortitude. It takes sacrifice. And you know what, it sometimes takes decisions that are not fun to make — like not having a Twitter account. That is not a fun decision to make, but if you know that you are susceptible to sometimes having MPD manic episodes, the last place you should have access to is a social media account — especially if you’re a visible public figure!

It would be like forcing an alcoholic to live in a brewery. Or a former anorexic to play a character with anorexia in a movie, and forcing her to get down to a dangerously low weight. (Oh wait, they already did that inTo The Bone).


There were so many things that I had to sacrifice for my recovery. Hell, I didn’t even walk in my high school graduation because I was trying to recover at an inpatient treatment facility across the country. That was a sacrifice. And a damn difficult one to make. But I did it. Because recovery isn’t fun, but you do what you have to do to protect your recovery and do everything in your power to set yourself up for success.

There is no excuse for her words. Racism is the most vile of all transgressions.

Roseanne Barr, don’t you dare simply blame your racism on a mental illness.

That takes a big old poop on all of the people who truly are working through their mental illness, and doing everything they can to facilitate their recovery.

Mental illnesses have enough stereotypes already. Just ask the girl who needed to “eat a sandwich.”

Don’t you dare add “racist” to the list.

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256 thoughts on “Dear Roseanne Barr,

    1. thank you friend. Yeah, go ABC! way to take a hard stand. now if they’ll only do the same for Samantha Bee…

  1. Thank you for being open about your recovery!!! I totally agree with you. I have known many people with depression, bipolar and other issues who would never have tweeted what Barr did. I think trying to use that as an excuse causes even more damage.

    1. Thank you friend, yeah it made me really sad that she used it as an excuse. but you’re right – tough issue for sure. big hugs to you xo

  2. Very well written. I have had more than one argument over this issue of personal responsibility. When you are dealing with mental health issues that doesn’t give you the right to behave like a fool! It is a real dangerous place to try and go into someone else’s’ mental state. What she said was wrong but those who start sitting in judgement of someone’s mental health they probably need to look at themselves first.

    1. Thank you Duke. Yeah this is a tough issue for sure. Great point indeed. Hugs and love xox

      1. You get to a certain point in life that you have been lied to so much you just say what is on your mind.

      2. One of the biggest things I’ve noticed through the years is that people don’t know how to make difficult decisions. It’s actually not that hard.

      3. I definitely feel for people with difficult decisions to make. I am horrible at them. Decisions are crippling for me

      4. It really isn’t that difficult a formula. It’s important to understand that when making difficult decisions you are not in a popularity contest. At least half of the people around you will not approve and that is their problem. the formula is this simple. When making tough decisions gather the information that YOU feel is needed and make it and then move on realizing that other people will not approve. Actually over time it becomes easier because people won’t bother you with dumb questions I have 5 basic things that I won’t budge on and coming to me with things that fall into those categories is just wasting my time. I simply will not budge.

  3. Hello,
    I truly enjoyed reading your article. It was very touching! Thanks for sharing it with us and may God continue to pour his blessing upon you. ~~~~~Theresa M. Adams

  4. I followed you awhile back because I loved everything about your blog. After reading your post about 13 Reasons Why and now Rosanne Barr, I think your trying to be controversial without actually being controversial. That takes no courage. I will be unfollowing your blog as I believe you are selling out.

    1. I’m sorry to hear that Holly. I write about things that are close to my heart, and mental illness is one of those. Especially since anorexia is a mental illness and I have so much compassion for those suffering through it, as well as their loved ones. I also think mental illness is completely misunderstood by the public and so im trying to raise awareness. I appreciate your readership, and will be sad to see you go! Hugs and love xox

    1. Thank you friend, I appreciate it. It’s a tough issue and I do have compassion for her but sometimes tough love is an act of compassion. At least it was for me back when I needed to hear it. Hugs and love xox

  5. Some psychiatrists have advocated making racism a psychiatric disorder, so it is not totally out of the realm of possibility. On another note, Samantha Bee calls Ivanka Trump the C word, yet still keeps her job. Double standard?

    1. I was just talking about Bee with my parents — such a double standard. It’s awful. And very interesting fact. Thank you for sharing, Lisa. Hugs and love xox

    1. Thank you Joanna, that’s kind of you to say. It was a long and often painful journey, but if I can help even one person, I will have done what I set out to do 🙂 your encouragement. means the world 🙂 big big hugs xo

  6. Love reading your blog. You were one of the first people to follow mine and I’ve read yours ever since! Keep doing what you do – you’re amazing! Very well said. Sending lots of positive energy your way!!
    xxxx

    1. Thank you Cori, I appreciate your support. it truly means a lot 🙂 so glad we follow each other!! Hugs and love xox

  7. Words are so very powerful, don’t you think? So powerful that we must consider carefully what we send out on social media venues, as Roseanne Barr has hopefully learned as she deals with the fallout. So powerful that, with your post, someone dealing with issues similar to what you have faced may be emboldened not to deny an illness, but own it and make it part of who they are–but not let it define who they are, and can become. May God bless you for your courage— Mike

    1. You are so absolutely right- words are SO powerful. Thanks Mike for this thoughtful response. Amen! It does not define a person! Hugs and love xox

  8. I spent years with someone with a mental illness who refused accountability, would not trust those who loved and cared the most about his well being. You are so correct, mental illness is not the biggest problem, setting yourself up for failure and not taking personal responsibility for your well being, or trusting loved ones to help if you can’t control your issues is. We need to treat mental health issues like medical issues and stop making excuses, you can’t eat cake all day and expect insuline to fix your blood sugar imbalances. Thanks for speaking out and addressing the elephant in the room, well said.

    1. Thank you so much for sharing your experience, Jennifer. Gosh, it sounds like that was a challenging season. You’re so right – recovery require responsibility. And if a person is not capable of such responsibility, then they need help – along with love and support. Thank you for your affirming words. means a lot. Hugs and love xox

  9. I don’t excuse racism in any form. That being said, some people have issues that manifest in hostility, even if that is not “Them”.
    Turrets syndrum comes to mind.
    Aggressive Hostile behavior can also be triggered by messed up blood sugar levels, commonly seen in people with diabetes.
    With Roseannes physical makeup, I would suspect such a condition to be highly likely.
    As for ABC’s action, seems they are reactive and not willing to extend themselves to help their talent for the sake of ratings and political correctness. Shallow indeed.
    Probation after an apology with appropriate medical attention would have been the better choice.

    1. This is a really powerful point. Thank you friend. You’re right, if a person’s mental illness manifests in aggressive hostility, then in addition to compassion and love, they also need help. And I pray that those receive it. Yeah, I wish ABC would have provided her with the resources she needs. Great points, thanks! Hugs and love xox

    2. Hostility is not a symptom of Tourette’s Disorder at all. Tourette’s is a tic disorder. Inappropriate words may be used in a very small minority of people with Tourette’s in a symptom known as coprolalia.
      Coprolalia is completely involuntary and has nothing at all to do with hostility. Nothing.

      1. Thank you for being more specific about Tourette’s. What one see’s as a “Tic” can be interpreted as violent behaviour. I know a man who has a nasty case and when these tics occur his arm shoots out as if he was trying to strike, and his body spasms at the same time. Maybe I did not explain myself correctly with the term “Hostility”. It does not always imply Physical action, but can be used referring to verbal, written and even physical expression. But again, thank you for being specific, as I’m sure those with the condition would appreciate being understood instead of feared.

      2. I had assumed you had meant coprolalia (verbal tics with offensive or inappropriate words or phrases) when you wrote this as I was unable to think what else you could have meant. You are right, there are violent looking tics that could appear to be dangerous, however, this still is not a hostile act and is a result of a neurological disorder. Tics are typically jerks to the side, and although violent looking, are not directed at an individual and it would be difficult to confuse it with an act of violence or hostility. I am sure it must have happened, but I have never heard of anyone being hit by someone with a tic (unintentionally at least).
        None of this is the manifestation of hostility. It is all completely involuntary with no ill-intent, violence, intended harm or offence, or hostility involved at all. If someone with Tourette’s Disorder (TD) has any hostility, it is because they are angry, not because they have TD.
        Handwriting tics, which I think you may be talking about paligraphia may be comorbid with TD, but is not a symptom of TD. Neither paligraphia or dysgraphia are associated with being hostile or violent. I suppose in theory paligraphia could be a repetitive offensive word, but again, it wouldn’t be hostile or threatening in any way, and must be extremely rare.
        The symptoms required to be diagnosed with TD are:
        1 – have two or more motor tics (for example, blinking or shrugging the shoulders) and at least one vocal tic (for example, humming, clearing the throat, or yelling out a word or phrase), although they might not always happen at the same time.
        2 – have had tics for at least a year. The tics can occur many times a day (usually in bouts) nearly every day, or off and on.
        3 – have tics that begin before age 18 years.
        4 – have symptoms that are not due to taking medicine or other drugs or due to having another medical condition (for example, seizures, Huntington disease, or postviral encephalitis).
        Basically, if someone with TD is hostile, it is because they are hostile, not because they have TD.

      3. Any misunderstanding was all on me. I am not always clear with my words. The facts you have given us regarding this disorder are greatly appreciated, and it only serves to help us better understand the burden those so afflicted endure. Again, thank you for increasing our understanding and awareness of this issue. I wish more people would behave like you and speak up when they see errors need correcting. Good on You my friend.

      4. I realise that hostility may not mean physical, and to be honest, I assumed you meant coprolalia, the swearing thing people mistakenly think is what Tourette’s is all about. It’s a neurological disorder, and the symptoms do not “manifest in hostility” in any way at all.
        The copro- symptoms are involuntary. Hostility is not involuntary. The copro- symptoms are rare. Here is the criteria for diagnosing Tourette’s:
        1 – have two or more motor tics (for example, blinking or shrugging the shoulders) and at least one vocal tic (for example, humming, clearing the throat, or yelling out a word or phrase), although they might not always happen at the same time.
        2 – have had tics for at least a year. The tics can occur many times a day (usually in bouts) nearly every day, or off and on.
        3 – have tics that begin before age 18 years.
        4 – have symptoms that are not due to taking medicine or other drugs or due to having another medical condition (for example, seizures, Huntington disease, or postviral encephalitis).
        While tics can appear violent, they are not aimed at people, and there is no intent to harm. Hostility and Tourettes’s have no relationship in any way at all.
        If a person with Tourette’s shows signs of hostility it is because they are angry, not because they have Tourette’s. I suppose they could be angry because they have Tourette’s, but that would still be an anger issue and not a symptom of the disorder.

  10. I agree, that was she said was 100% inexcusable. But I see compassion and humanity in what Jimmy Kimmel says. Maybe he has an inside scoop that we don’t have into the psyche and struggles of his friend. We all have said regrettable stuff, thankfully most of us don’t have the world watching when we do. Maybe a prayer and not a condemning post would be more helpful for someone who is probably swimming in regret, likely coupled with self-loathing and her implied mental illness.

    1. Hi Sierra, this is a really great point. I too, find a lot of truth in Kimmel’s tweet. I’m sorry that you found this to be condemning. That truly was not my intent, rather to use this situation to illustrate one of the most difficult aspects of my recovery: taking responsibility for it. I will definitely join you in prayer for Roseanne right now, as you’re right – she must be dealing with a lot. so glad you stopped by. Hugs and love xox

  11. Setting Mental illness aside I will never understand UN-kilter logic people used for attacking characteristic that are apart of evolution and environmental adaptation. That’s why a Chinese person looks different than an person from India, who is different from a white person, who are different from a black person. All of which has nothing to do with individuals who’s hate burns from within using twisted logic with their sins.

    1. Thanks for this thoughtful response. Racism is such an unloving and divisive thinking. we are all brothers and sisters in Christ, and I cannot understand the thinking behind it either. Hugs and love xox

  12. Hello Friend! Great article! Thank you for sharing your personal journey. I am happy to see that you are in a better place in your life. Koodos to your dear parents, they are amazing! Now to address the matter with Rosanne; I wasn’t at all shocked by her behavior, after I read about her racist remarks. I always thought that she was a very outspoken woman. What I am happy about is that she will have more time to address her mental state. I will definitely be in prayer for healing for her.

    1. Thank you so much Jeanie. Yes, God has absolutely delivered me from the depths, and for that I am so grateful. Yes I will join you in prayer for her. she must be going through a lot. Hugs and love xox

  13. As you said, complex issue. As far as the aspect you chose to deal with, well said! I’m just afraid the whole issue of what she said and how ABC responded has more to do with politics, political correctness, and pushing an agenda than being outraged at someone’s foolish comment. The standards used are no standards at all. Which is very sad, to say the least. Keeps people from having honest, helpful discussions. Thanks for being so open. I enjoy reading your particular perspectives on issues. 🙂

    1. Thank you Kenneth, yeah I think you’re right about ABC. Whatever is politically correct, goes. I mean, look at the whole Samantha Bee fiasco right now – double standards. At the end of the day, Roseanne needs prayers. glad you stopped by. Hugs and love xox

  14. A great post. It makes sense from every angle that you could reasonably approach the subject of mental illness from and, of course, I’m using the term broadly. That covers a lot of ground so I realize there are nuances to different conditions that I know nothing about and, therefore, have a hard time identifying with. So yeah, I can give Rosanne the benefit of the doubt but that doesn’t mean I have to abandon my common sense.
    I appreciate you not wandering into the “but what about Samantha Bee” debate in this post. That’s another issue for another time that I’m sure you will address. What Rosanne did was blatantly wrong and blatantly racist. Thank you for just “saying” so.
    Once again thanks for a superb and thoughtful post.

    1. thank you so much for your thoughts on this. You’re so right – complex issue. and Yeah, the Bee situation is another issue for another time for sure. thanks for your support. Hugs and love xox

  15. “Responsible for your own recovery” works on so many levels. As the saying goes, the first step is to admit that you have a problem. We all fall short in different areas, but we cannot heal what we conceal. Thank you for using your platform to provoke constructive dialogue. Blessings!

    1. Thank you Rhonda, yeah that was the most difficult aspect of my recover to learn: to take responsibility for it. Amen – the first and biggest step! Hugs and love xox

    1. Thank you so much JB. Yeah words have power and we need to take responsibility for what we say. Hugs and love xox

  16. OK. Knowing full well I might be barred from the internet and fired from my job I am going to say it anyway.

    I don’t think anything should have happened to Roseanne, a comedian who told a tasteless joke…. or even if it wasn’t a joke, said something racist on twitter.

    This isn’t necessarily geared towards you, but really the world when I say… we all need to lighten up a bit. If someone says something that offends us, why do try to take away their life???

    I didn’t support this idea when Kathy Griffin posted the severed Donald Trump head photo, or any other comedian who has said or done stupid things in the name of comedy over the years…. heck anyone remember Don Rickles???? That guy would have been burned alive at the stake in America today.

    I believe in free market Capitalism, if you don’t like someone, don’t buy what they’re selling. Simple. In America today however, everyone is hyper-sensitive and wants blood.

    I don’t get it.

    Can you imagine if EVERYONE lost their jobs when they said something stupid or offensive? FEW would be working…. MOST people would hitting the unemployment line.

    Maybe we should all just relax and not let things get us so worked up in the first place.

    Now before anyone asks, I will NOT be tendering my resignation from my job, or the internet. 🙂

    1. Hi Keith, thank you for sharing your thoughts on this. I do think that our country has become hypersensitive and cripplingly PC, however, I do believe that racist remarks are inexcusable. I feel that there are some things are just not to be said. Even in a bad joke. Thank you for joining the conversation! Hugs and love xox

      1. I agree they shouldn’t be said, I just don’t agree that people should lose their livelihoods. Most the people calling for her head on a platter probably spend all day on twitter say horrible things to people.

      2. I do feel awful for her coworkers and crew who lost their jobs. I was reading that ABC may have to pay them millions in lost wages…which they absolutely should.

    1. Thank you Debra, so glad it resonated with you. tough issue all the way around. Hugs and love xox

  17. My dear friend – I’ve edited and reread the following over and over. After reading some of the comments above, especially Holly who is leaving, perhaps what I will give you tonight will have some value. As always, offered with love for you and respect for all you accomplish with BBB.

    **************************

    I’m having a hard time coming up with a balanced response. Part of me agrees with most everything you gave us tonight; Roseanne was flat out wrong. You have to wonder how much her excuses were born of cowardice, not wanting to accept full responsibility and how much they were really the result of mental problems. I’ve known a few people who simply have no filter. Their wiring is lousy, and I don’t know if there’s something to be done about it. You know me; could you guess I have one sister who was a meth addict who should be dead and the other a narcissist who abandoned her own 3 boys? Sometimes I can’t believe we’re all related. Sometimes I wonder how many of us really get to choose… After all the warnings I gave the narcissist over the decades, she still continued to make horrendous choices.

    I think Kimmel came the closest to the mark, asking for some compassion for someone who maybe is simply unable to put it together on an ongoing basis. Maybe ABC’s best play would be to NOT cancel her series, not penalize the roughly 200 people employed by the show for Roseanne’s horrendous comments, and announce that their star needs some help, which they will help her with. Maybe they should have stood with her, made a deal, maybe even a signed contract, that would dictate steps needed to continue with them, and explain to anyone who cares what they are doing and why. Continue watching ROSEANNE if you wish. Or not. We’ll help our employee get through this and let ratings tell us whether we need to cancel. Ratings! Not the loudest commentator.

    Most corporations have drug recovery and psychological counseling programs to help employees instead of firing them. Why not ABC? It would have saved everyone’s job on the series plus shown them to be a caring, supportive corporation worthy of viewership.

    You know how much I’ve supported you over the years, how much I care. Let me say you came off a bit too judgmental tonight. Yes, you made sacrifices and had a support system. But it was help and a support system you resisted, even detested, if I recall right. I remember you writing once that you wanted to get back to your anorexia. You did make the right choices eventually, but with a ready-made support system that was also an authority figure in the form of your parents.

    Why am I writing these things to you? You know I came from a dysfunctional family and that I sacrificed a possible acting career to raise a better family than the one I came from. Tonight you sounded a tad like I have in the past; I paid for my own college, I made the sacrifices, I made the hard choices, etc. Why couldn’t my sisters or whoever else I’m upset at choose as wisely as I did?

    So maybe I’m projecting a bit tonight. Maybe I only imagined I heard myself, because memories don’t always stay packed away as they should be. If so, I apologize. If not, please accept a loving warning about tone from someone who cares deeply. And made plenty of mistakes.

    And I still wish we could have met up in NYC! We’re safely home. You remain in my prayers for safe travel and more successful shoots!

    1. Hi Jeff, thank you so much for this thought provoking response and truly outstanding comment. You are a great guy. I lamented all day and all last night, going back and forth about whether or not to publish this piece for the very reason you stated. My dad also thought it could be read as pretty judgemental. But I decided to publish it, because I thought it was a poignant opportunity to address the most difficult aspect of my recovery: taking responsibility for it. So I took the risk in coming off poorly in order to start a conversation. But you’re right – Kimmel was right on the money – compassion and support is what Roseanne needs right now. I was incredibly blessed to receive that when I was struggling…I should be the first in line to offer that to her. The only difference between her struggles and my struggles were that hers are in front of millions of people on twitter. And also, thank you for sharing those intimate details about your past. Those challenging seasons shaped the compassionate and wonderful human you are today. One that I am honored to know. Me too – I was so bummed that this past weekend didn’t work out. The only bright side is that the company hired me for another job for the entire week at the end of june! so yay for actual income 🙂 haha Anywho, I always take your words and wisdom to heart, so thank you jeff.

      1. I learned long ago that what’s written is so easily misunderstood without body language, inflections, etc. which is why I wrote this so tentatively. I also struggled, not wanting to be taken wrongly. Still, steel sharpens steel, right? We offer our ideas in humility and advance the conversation one small, soft step at a time. I am honored and blessed to call you friend. So glad you got another gig for June! Did you see my note about the Metro passes yet? Every bit, right? Also; gave BBB a mention in Wednesday’s article about how God specializes in taking One and going Epic! “Abraham 1.0” is the title. Many hugs!

      2. So true. I haven’t had a chance to look at my email yet! You know how it is – 12 hours on set, come home, stuff face with food, crash and do it again 8 hours later haha I will check it tomorrow at the airport! Awesome! You rock, thank you 🙂 and thanks again for this “truth in love” comment tonight. Glad you and Julie are home safely! Xox

      3. Thanks Jeff! Yeah Now back to the daily grind in nyc! Thanks:)

  18. You’re so right !!! I’m not aware as to what’s going on but I agree with everything you said about recovery. It is our responsibility to take our recovery seriously and when you suffer from mental health issues , social media is definitely not a safe place . It’s barely a safe place for “normal” folks . I struggle mentally and I get off social media at times because it can easily be a trigger . But you’re right , personality disorders don’t make you racist. I’m glad she’s being held accountable for her words

    1. Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts on this. Yeah, I’m with you there on social media. sometimes its best to just log off! Hugs and love xox

  19. Nice post! However I think that Roseanne’s show perhaps didn’t deserve cancellation, as many other political activists, especially on the left, have done stuff like this before and gotten away with it (Kathy Griffin, Samantha Bee, etc)

    Anyways, interesting to see Jimmy Kimmel come to her defense. That was quite nice of him considering all the conservative-bashing he likes to do.

    Also love that shaking finger gif XD

    Anyways, good post even if I don’t fully agree — these sensitive issues are tricky sometimes.

    1. Thank you friend. Yeah, a lot of people lost their jobs – and that is really such a shame. i was glad to see Kimmel utter some wisdom about offering compassion. Yeah it’s incredibly tricky. So many aspects to the issue. Thank you for taking the time to read and joining the dialogue. Hugs and love xox

    1. No kidding. That movie was the worst. Truly the worst. Such harmful material. Thanks for stopping by. Hugs and love xox

  20. Theres no defending her tweet. Being that shes jewish, I’m sure she’s been on the hurtful end of the stick. In fact, I know she has as I’ve seen the hate filled racist, antisemitic tweets toward her. And I remember how hortibly shes been treated over the years. You’d think she’d not go there with others. She has had a very long history of mental/emotional health issues that spans decades.
    The lady in question has 1 black grandparent. I don’t know you can really label her black….she was born to american parents, in Iran as her father was working with a project to improve health and agriculture in developing country. They moved to london when she was 5 and then back to US….cant label her Iranian either so Im not even sure what Rosey was thinking?
    I do think that if networks are firing people for their hate statements…..they’ve got A LOT of firing to do….will any comedian or talk show host be left?

    1. That’s a great point – there are a lot of hateful comments going around these days, sadly. Heck look at Samantha Bee. I do hope that ABC pays the crew and coworkers what they would have made from the show. A lot of people lost their jobs and that’s so awful. Thanks for stopping by. Hugs and love xox

      1. Thats the saddest part….the many who lost their jobs who had nothing to do with it. The only thing I appreciate about any of it was at least she did it via her personal twitter account and not aired on TV like most.
        I’m hoping somebody in TV land will figure out that its ok to disagree with someone without personally attacking them and that kindness doesnt cost a thing.
        Hugs & 💖’s

  21. I couldn’t have said it better. I haven’t heard she claimed MPD influenced her actions, but I remember her talking about it years ago when her autobiography came out. She claimed at one time that through therapy, she had integrated her personalities. Is she claiming now that she backslid?
    Well, on the one hand, I have compassion for people with mental illness. But if she talked about this in the 90’s, she’s known about this for a long time. And you’re right, we all have to take responsibility for our recovery. If that means keeping away from alcohol or Twitter, then you do it. This isn’t the first time she has said outrageous things on Twitter. But she doesn’t strike me as the kind of person who it’s easy to say to her, “Put down that phone.”
    If it’s true that her mental illness is out of control, I hope she gets help. For the rest of us, I hope it will be a learning experience. That racism is unacceptable no matter how rich and famous you are, and that if you have a mental illness, take responsibility for your recovery.

    1. Thank you David for your support. Yeah that was the hardest lesson for me to learn in my own recovery: learning to take responsibility for it. I pray she gets help too. And amen – racism has no place in this world. None. Not even in jokes. So glad you stopped by. Hugs and love xox

  22. “You have to be responsible for your own recovery.” Sums it up beautifully. Excellent post. The post I’m doing right now kinda speaks to the same thing. ☺

    1. Thanks friend. So glad it resonated with you. Looking forward to reading your post. Hugs and love xox

  23. She was wrong in what she said. But I would never want to eternally condemn someone to not be able to change…by the grace of God. So I am praying for her. I think it’s easy to label people and write them off. But that is not God’s way! He loves everyone and wants us all to be saved and forgiven. So I have hope for people that are racist…or whatever humans struggle with. The grace of God is great! The grace of mankind…not so much. I include myself in that as I struggle to forgive certain sins.

    1. I will join you in that prayer. You’re right – God changes things, and is the ultimate healer. Same here – I need His grace every day!! Thanks for stopping by and sharing your heart. Hugs and love xox

  24. I appreciate your thoughts here. This is a difficult discussion. You are right that mental illness doesn’t cause racism, however, it can make a person say and do things that may be entirely out of character for them; things that they would never think or do when they are in a healthier frame of mind. Yes, we all have to be responsible for our recovery, but to be fair, we are all not in the limelight like persons in that business are and therefore have no concept what her fight is like and what she is doing to combat it. The bottom line for me is that people make mistakes. We all fail. Our job as Christians is to provide grace to those who err knowing that we have done so as well, not play into the vitreous battle that those without faith choose to partake in. No, its not easy. We are offended; we are angered. Perhaps righteously so. But we still are called to love one another.

    1. This is such a powerful perspective. Thank you for this. No one knows what her struggle is like unless we walk in her shoes. And you’re right – we all make mistakes. I fail multiple times every single day. And grace and love and compassion are free and we all need them and all need to give them too. Thanks for this. Hugs and love xox

  25. This is weird. Poor Roseanne! I watched her program religiously when I was a kid in the 1980s and 1990s. I haven’t watched or seen the revival. My sense of things, based on her original show, is that she was abused as a child and it was hellish. She had so many episodes that fought to raise awareness of minorities, different sexualities, and even tough issues like corporal punishment. (I can’t watch that episode ever again, due to my trigger issues, but the whole point of it was that it’s not okay to do that to your kids.) I can tell from the depth of those episodes that she has struggled in a lot of ways that I have. I can also attest that Ambien puts you out of control of your typing. I’ve written some of my funniest stuff on Ambien, and I feel truly sorry for Roseanne that she messed up and tweeted that. It probably seemed funny on the Ambien. A lot of stuff does. I hope Roseanne’s okay. Sometimes apologizing is all you can do.

    1. Thanks for sharing your heart on this. You’re so right – I hope she’s okay too. And I pray that she’s getting the help she needs. I don’t have any personal experience with ambien but yeah, we all mess up. Most don’t have millions watching when we do. Big hugs to you xox

      1. Thanks Meg! Looking forward to reading it! Hugs and love xox

  26. There is no excuse for racism. We have too much of hate that is building up in India. Sadly, this seems to be becoming a global pandemic

  27. A really interesting and complex post – great read! I don’t know Roseanne’s history or anything else about her other than what I’ve seen on TV or on Twitter so I’m not in a position to be able to comment about the things that she’ said. However, I do genuinely believe that Twitter has become a toxic environment that brings out the absolute worst in people. It’s a bit like the school playground – you either become bullied or a bully; there are very few who have the courage to stand on the sidelines and defend the rights of both sides. I also think that, as with kids in a playground, minor disputes get blown out of all proportion with both sides sometimes losing all rationality. I’m not sure that anyone’s Twitter profile is a true reflection of themselves and, quite honestly, I would be quite happy to see it shut down x

    1. Thank you friend. Yeah mental illness is a tough issue for sure. And amen to that – twitter I think is the hands down most toxic of all the social media’s. Hugs and love xox

  28. Well said. She needs to stick to comedy and put up her electronics at night. It is very hard to prove to a psychiatrist that one indeed has Dissociative Identity Disorder so I do hope she is seeking treatment for it (if she has it). The one question I have in this whole mess with social media… and it may just open a can of worms here…but why isn’t our president given the same respect that Valerie Jarrettr is getting in the wake of this. Anyway again well said.

    1. Thank you friend. Yeah I think we all could take that advice and put up our electronics at night! Great question. Hugs and love xox

  29. I loved this blog. So balanced and compassionate yet honest. Very happy to have come across your page.

    1. Thank you Helen. I appreciate you taking the time to read! Hugs and love xox

  30. I think she does have mental issues but with that being said if she really does have those issues either herself or those around her should help her by taking it away at least till the next day. I think a lot of this could have been avoided if the corporate environment did not encourage the behavior. I know they did not tell her to go out and do it but they did not try to stop her either. They knew the history and yet they allowed it to continue until “they got caught with their pants down” and no way to get out of it and then they fired her. Yes she may very well have a mental illness (that’s between her and her doctors to determine) but as you said before you don’t put some with a mental illness in a position where they are likely to have an episode. I blame her but I also blame ABC for not stopping it before it got to this point.

    1. Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts on this. I pray that she has a good support system. That’s a powerful point. Thanks for stopping by! Hugs and love xox

  31. I still have not figured out my feelings on this. The tweet was stupid and offensive. But then again Rosanne has been a fountain of stupid and offensive comments for decades. It is why she has been a famous actress and comic. Until your post, I had been satisfied to just shake my head at Rosanne being Rosanne. But you have reminded me that she is a person with struggles of her own and I agree that Kimmel showed some basic human decency in his response.

    1. Thanks PJ, yeah it is such a messy situation because on the one hand, people suffering from mental illness need compassion. But racism is so wrong. So it is really hard. I think we’ve just gotta pray for her and all those involved. I agree – Kimmel showed his true colors, and it turns out he’s a great guy. 🙂 glad you stopped by! Hugs and love xox

    1. Thanks David. Yeah racism is so incredibly horrible. It has no place in 2018. Hugs and love xox

  32. Some good thoughts on this ugly situation, Caralyn. But the bottom line is ours is not to judge because He is the only judge. Ours is to love and forgive
    Ted

    1. Thanks Ted, you’re right an ugly situation indeed. And so true – love and forgive. SO true. Hugs and love xox

    1. Thanks Ed. Yeah i will join you in that prayer. And for her as well. Hugs and love xox

  33. A very well-written, thought-provoking — and wonderfully honest — post. I’m still digesting all that’s transpired (and continues to transpire), but we all need support systems to help us define the rights and wrongs of our actions . . . Him being the best of all.

    1. Thank you friend. You’re so right this situation is hard to digest. Incredibly complicated indeed. Hugs and love xox

  34. Although you make valid points worthy of consideration, I am going to have to lean on the side of Mr Kimmel. My wife works at a state mental institution and she says Ambien can cause some to do strange things. She had a friend who woke up driving her car after taking Ambien.
    My granddaughter also suffers from a personality disorder and she shared this YouTube to help me understand her better and I will share with you.
    https://youtu.be/967Ckat7f98

    1. Thank you for this powerful perspective David. And thank you for sharing that video – I look forward to learning more about it. You’re right – compassion and support are so needed for those truly struggling. Hugs and love xox

  35. This post gives some food for thought! I really loved that show (the original and the reboot), and was so disappointed to hear it was cancelled. But at the same time, when you’re a public figure of any kind you cannot say these awful things and expect it not to affect your career. I had no idea that Rosanne could be mentally ill, and I hope she gets proper treatment. I feel like Twitter is so dangerous now and people use it just for attention getting until they go overboard. Hopefully others will learn a lesson from this.

    1. Thank you so much Emily. That’s true – words have consequences. I feel bad for the crew and co workers who lost their jobs as a result. I hope she gets the treatment she needs too. Hugs and love xox

  36. Yes, blaming Rosannes comments on mental illness is like saying people who take guns to schools and kill a bunch of students are mentally ill. I mean how could you ever blame bad behavior on mental illness. After all being mentally ill doesn’t make you a killer. Mental illness doesn’t make you angry, illogical or obnoxious. Mental illness doesn’t make you do irresponsible and offensive things. — If you believe this you have not spent much time around mental illness. Being an anorexic in recovery does not make you an expert on mental illness. Sorry if this sounds a little harsh but I am just trying to get you to think. I agree that what Rosanne said was offensive and she has been punished for it.

    Such judgement and punishment can be Biblical:

    From 1 Corinthians 5 we read: But now I am writing to you that you must not associate with anyone who claims to be a brother or sister but is sexually immoral or greedy, an idolater or slanderer, a drunkard or swindler. Do not even eat with such people. 12 What business is it of mine to judge those outside the church? Are you not to judge those inside? 13 God will judge those outside. “Expel the wicked person from among you.”

    Rosanne has been expelled.

    Perhaps she is cast out for her own good. In 1Cor 5 we also read: hand this man over to Satan for the destruction of the flesh, so that his spirit may be saved on the day of the Lord.

    Paul tells us that we are to expel those who willfully sin and keep on sinning so that they might be humbled by the destruction of the flesh so that in the end they seek and find redemption and salvation. This of course, only applies to Christians. As Paul says, non-Christians (those outside the church) will be judged by God.

    Note that Paul tells us to expel those who willfully keep on sinning. Did Rosanne do that? Or did she repent (apologize) and ask for forgiveness? Are we to forgive? Did not Jesus forgive those who crucified him? It seems to me that many are falling into the trap of false righteousness here. How many of us are righteous? Romans 3: 10 — As it is written: “There is no one righteous, not even one; — As Christians we are not to have the same response to Rosanne as the world. We can abhor what she said but we must love her. We are to love her back into the Church. Rosanne is not being tested here: we are.

    (Unfortunately, I doubt that anyone who had a role in cancelling Rosanne’s show took the time to pray about the decision or what course of action they should take. I am too cynical to think that this was anything but a financial decision.)

    I do not know if Rosanne is a racist. Perhaps she is, perhaps she is not. If she is I suspect that her opinions about race are more likely to be changed by love than hate.

    Just some thoughts.

    1. “We can abhor what she said but we must love her.” this is such a true statement. thank you for this powerful food for thought. Hugs and love xox

    2. “Mental illness doesn’t make you angry, illogical or obnoxious.”
      “How could you ever blame bad behaviour on mental illness.”
      “Mental illness doesn’t make you do irresponsible and offensive things.”
      May I recommend you take some time to read some of the symptoms of various disorders, primarily the personality disorders listed in DSM 5.

    3. I’m confused by this comment. On one hand you are agreeing with Caralyn, but you then produce a stinging sentence telling her that being ‘ a recovering anorexic doesn’t make her an expert on mental illness’. That’s harsh! She has recovered completely and yes she is far more an expert on it than those of us who have never suffered in this way. But I have never got the impression that Caralyn thinks she’s an expert – she’s just trying to help others and doing an excellent job at it too.

  37. I have so many things I wish to comment on about this. However, there are so many out there that will judge or say ill willed things. I would rather avoid making any person feel any hate or discomfort based on my simple beliefs.

    Hope all is well. Keep up the writing! It’s always well thought out.

    1. Thanks for taking the time to read it 🙂 no worries, you can always email me too, if you need to vent anything! Hugs and love xox

  38. I TRY to hate actions. and not people. To the haters in the world, drop your hate, it hurts you more than the object of your hate. I do hate what was said, but I wonder why was it OK when people portrayed, Ben Carson, Sarah Palin, Trump, George Bush and many others like a Chimpanzee, and Condoleezza Rice made up to look like a slave, and don’t even try to look up pictures of Condoleeza Rice if you have kids in the room, it is absolutely disgusting what people have pasted her face on!
    Where was the anger when these things were created? I was never a fan of Rosanne to begin with, and I hate it when people make fun of the looks of others, but if we are comfortable seeing Ben Carson looking like a chimp, but get mad at someone else looking like a chimp, then Rosanne isn’t the only person with a problem.

    1. These are some really powerful points. thanks for sharing. Yeah, hateful words and pictures should never ever be tolerated, no matter who says them. Hugs and love xox

  39. Heads up: I’m the same person who used to run Oasis Charm before I closed it down and started over with my new blog. Good to see you!

    I’m disappointed that Roseanne said that. As a kid, I sometimes watched the Roseanne show with my parents. I appreciated that there were actors who were plump like us on the show.

    The way she blames racism on her mental illness reminds me of one of my mom’s neighbors, who I’ll call Wendy. Wendy and I were friends for a while. Then she said that she didn’t like black or Muslim people because a black Muslim man attacked her in the past. i had sympathy for her bad experience, but I thought, if he had been a white Christian, I doubt that she’d have problems with white or Christian people.

    I asked her if she’d be willing to talk about race, but her only response was a random joke. I decided not to be friends with her anymore. One of my exes who treated me really badly was blind, but I don’t hate blind people because of him. I don’t even think that trauma justifies hating marginalized people.

    1. Thank you so much for sharing our thoughts on this. cograts on the new site! oh gosh, that is so sad. I think you’re right about that. it never justifies it. Hugs and love xox

  40. After reading your post and others’ comments, I don’t agree with the backlash about Roseanne Barr’s statement. The Bible says “let the one without sin throw the first stone.” We have all made comments if reported we would be more than embarrassed. I am over 60 and Black, I have heard a few and experienced a few awful things in life; some intentional and some accidental by people because of the color of my skin. Forgive for yourself and move on. The culture that we live in is overly sensitive to every remark without diving into the character of the individual. I don’t know if Roseanne has a mental illness or is a racist. But there is someone who will judge every word and action, and He’s judgment is true because He knows the heart.

    1. This is a really powerful response. you’re right – we are not to judge others. I hope you didn’t read this as judgmental. I wanted to use a poignant situation to start a conversation about the most difficult aspect of my own recovery: taking responsibility for it. thank you for stopping by, and I also want to say that i’m sorry to hear that you have experienced some awful things. that breaks my heart. sending big hugs x

      1. No, I did not see this post as judgmental and you are right to highlight what you have suffered through and how you have come through. We believe all have experienced some form of “ism” at some point in life, racism, sexism, etc. but its how we use these that count. I would like us to judge others the way we would want to be judged. And thanks for the hugs X they go a long way in healing.

      2. Amen – it all goes back to the golden rule: treat others the way we would like to be treated 🙂 thanks again friend xox

  41. I wrote a piece about mental illness when I was struggling.. Its a difficult thing. In some ways I hope she is I’ll because although it doesn’t excuse what she did or said, it does go some way towards explaining why. Being mentally Ill doesn’t make you racist but can make you act out of character to a degree. And stay away from fb and twitter when you are bad.

    Those attacking her need to remember that You can’t fix a hateful world with more hate. It’s gonna take a whole lotta love to mend this broken universe. And I think its going to get a lot worse before it gets better.

    1. thank you for sharing your thoughts on this. that’s a great point – it really does take a whole lot of love to mend this broken universe. amen. Hugs and love xox

  42. The Roseanne history has complex ramifications. Mental instability is often a key element of success as an entertainer – particularly when outrageous behavior is part of the cocktail. If somebody is known to have a personality disorder, that should be disclosed to their employer and sponsors. If they chose to exploit the disorder for profit, that is their problem. If the network knowingly supported Roseanne under those conditions, they should be obligated to buy out her contract. If not, that was Roseanne’s error – she should have disclosed her illness, and cancellation of the show is doing her a real mercy.

    Of course, we may not see any action on this in our legislative bodies. It leads down the slippery slope of mental health evaluations for our political candidates…

    1. Thank you so much Brian for sharing your thoughts on this. Those are great points about what was disclosed to ABC. My heart breaks for those that lost their jobs on account of her. Hugs and love xox

    2. Mental health and moral health are important measures for which we have imperfect tools with a high degree of subjective weighting. Politics is a magnet for people who love power. Is that an illness? Still a question. We have to go by what people do and the results they produce.

      1. mental health has a long way to go, i think, for people to truly understand and be proactive and sympathetic and know how to help.

      2. There are actually some objective facts regarding the moral evolution of the brain. Socialization that leads toward altruism involves the development of centers of the brain that do not exist at childbirth. Their existence can be verified with MRI scans. Sociopaths adopt a strategy of seeing people as simply objects to be manipulated, and do not possess those tracts of the brain.

  43. I cannot comment on any aspect of Roseanne’s personal life, but I do know what Jesus says about our words:

    “For out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks.”
    ‭‭- Matthew‬ ‭12:34‬b (ESV‬‬)

    May the events of this week serve as a reminder to me to as for the Holy Spirit to guide my thoughts, feelings, words, and actions – for apart from His grace, who’s to say that our lives wouldn’t be riddled top-to-bottom with exceedingly poor choices? 😮

    As always, I appreciate the honesty and integrity of your blog. Have a great day!

    1. Thank you Victor, yeah I am glad she apologized too. Racism is something I truly do not understand – how a person could harbor those feelings and thoughts? It’s just deplorable. LOVE!!! We’re here to LOVE people! 🙂 Hugs and love xox

  44. I have seen people sell out and you are not. These people use those terms to cast aspersions without saying what has led them to that conclusion. You are so right about taken responsibility for your actions. I was sexually abused by an uncle from age 5 to about 13 and stuffed it for the next 35 years or so and a change of cities. It took about 4 years to work it out. Always remember you have to live with you.

    1. Gosh, I am so sorry to hear that you were sexually abused. That absolutely breaks my heart. You did not deserve that. You deserved to be protected and respected, and I”m so sorry that someone who was supposed to be your protector, violated that. sending so much love and hugs xo

      1. My friend those times were so different than today. Those things were never talked about. I was raised in a large Northern City and that was the 1960’s and the riots were going on and the civil rights movement was really starting to take off. There was a moment as I sat on the bottom step in our home I said to my wife “I can’t keep living like this”. We found me counseling and my counselor asked then one question. She wanted to know if I wanted to learn how to deal with the anger or try and figure it out what is causing it? When i called my dad back in my hometown and told him he wanted to go kill my uncle and that took some time to get him off that ledge and then I called my mom and she wanted dates and times. It is a response that surprised many people. On my blog I have written about what I call “The Other Side of Sexual Abuse” there is one but it took me 4 years to work through it. There are no easy answers or quick fixes. These issues don’t have a chance of getting better until men of my generation talk about it in public. I’ve always told people that I will do that without any hesitation with one condition. I will tell the good ,the bad and the ugly. It’s not a pretty process to go through. The Mental Health Establishment I am not a big fan of because this one question persist. Has the Mental Health Establishment caused more harm than good? They forget one basic concept. The most important number is one and the reason for that is it’s one person at a time to try and help. In 2011 When I talked to a major southern newspaper about it I knew that the “secret” would be out there forever. I have a copy of it. It is online but you have to go through some extra steps to find it.

  45. Well put! Having a Problem does not entitle you to hurt others, period. OR cost 199 people their jobs. Compassion for Roseanne, yes. Sweep under the rug, no.

    1. Ament to that. Very well said, thank you friend. glad you stopped by. Hugs and love xox

  46. You’re amazing! Go you! I suffer from anxiety and depression I stay away from social media as much as possible when I have a massive relapse. That’s even when I’m blogging I try and stay away from it all. I know how dangerous it is.
    I was talking to one of my parents about it the other day when the news broke out about this. I was literally said I wouldn’t even do that if I had a bad day or blame it on my meds.
    If I have a relapse I have relapse I stay away from all the social media as much as possible. Yeah I might share briefly to my readers that I’m taking a break or apologise if I hadn’t written anything for awhile. They all come in force knowing how difficult it can be for me.
    Never ever should you blame your meds or your mental health for something that you know what your doing.
    I agree with you that you have the control of your recovery you chose to take control or let your mental health define you.
    I fight for my life each day to be positive. Roseanne Barr needs a reality check.

    1. Aw, thank you Lizzy. Thank you for sharing your story. That’s so awesome – way to take charge of your recovery!! It really is all about knowing your self, so honestly way to go for being so in tune with yourself. That is a huge accomplishment. Yeah, three years in a row I was invited by friends in the industry to attend NYFW fashion shows, but I knew that being in an environment that glorified such unnaturally thin models was not good for my recovery, no matter how strong I was that day. You said it – You choose to take control. Amen – keep fighting girl –YOU ARE AMAZING!! Hugs and love xox

    2. lol i realized that i forgot to say that i didn’t go to the shows hahahahah

  47. behaviour in the world. I appreciate your comment that mental illness does not make us racist. You speak with wisdom and heart. Thank you and bless you.

  48. Initially my thought was “Ambien is a sleep aid med and not used to treat mental illness” then I read your question about why would she be up at 2am on Twitter.

    That’s when I remembered WHY my med clinic never put me on Ambien because one of the side effects is its known to have is lucid sleep walking. As is there are people out there who have gone in their car and drove in their sleep while on this med among other things.

    NO NOT GIVING THIS WOMAN A PASS because this woman has a long history of this kind of behavior and then tries to pass it off as a joke. It’s just this time is the first time I’ve seen her back pedal and bounce around. But this is also the first time I’ve been on Twitter when it’s happened too.

    This is also the first time in my lifetime that I’ve heard she had any kind of mental illness.

    So in light of all this it really does beg the question: if she has MPD and she’s taking this med with this known side effect why didn’t she put a safety stop gap of some kind in place when she knows she is a public figure with a career potentially on the line? As someone with Bipolar and PTSD I know how important it is to have crisis plans like that in place. So what happened there?

    I agree with what ABC did. How long ago was it that Charlie Sheen was booted off of Two and a Half Men? He not only had drinking issues but he also had problematic behavior too. Last I heard he possibly has Bipolar but it wasn’t confirmed. Given the fact that her show carries her name, I doubt it would have succeeded without her. I don’t know if Two and a Half Men is still running.

    But this is a prime example of why I tell my boys all the time that it doesn’t matter what’s going on, you don’t have the right to be an asshole. There will be consequences and we need to own our behavior.

    1. Hi friend, thank you for sharing this insight! Wow, that’s interesting about the side effects. Yeah, not a free pas but gosh, yeah that adds a tricky layer for sure. A crisis plan, that is so smart and so true. Thank you for sharing your story. Yeah, what happened there? Amen! You don’t have a right to be a butthole no matter what. thanks for stopping by! Hugs and love xox

  49. Mental health issues aside, I was never a fan of Roseanne . I think she’s done more to stereotype and belittle blue collar families than anyone in Hollywood . Let me put on my tinfoil hat for a moment .
    I said that when they first rebooted the show and she came out as Trump supporter that they was hoping she would discredit conservatives in some way. It doesn’t matter if it staged or not. They set the conditions. The whole time was a hatchet job.

    1. Thank you so much Lloyd for sharing your thoughts on this. I think you’re right about that. Interesting theory you’ve got there. hmmm Hugs and love xox

  50. I like your “slogan,” “Because we’re all recovering from something.” Reading your thoughts today stirred a question about perceptions. I am just guessing, but, it seems mistaken perceptions are at the root of anorexia and other image-based states of mind that can take over a person’s life. Whether or not the mis-perception is organic or cultural, or both is not the issue. It is the persistent thought that misguides behavior.

    I grew up in a very racist against “Negroes” as we were taught was proper. That was the age and environment in America after WWII. My mother was born into an even more racist society before the Great Depression. Yet, she was adamant that her children not use racial language, and not separate people by origin. Growing up outside Washington D.C. the atmosphere was constantly charged with the poison of prejudice.

    All my friends, all their parents, almost every person I met was prejudiced against some or every kind of “other.”

    My father was from that mindset. He had names for every race, ethnicity, and foreign birthright. Archie Bunker was a mild version of my Dad. Still my mother prevailed with me. The message is, choose people one-by-one.

    But what we Americans call racism is endemic most places in the world I have visited. The fear and loathing of the “other” seems built into many human societies. In South Africa, racism against whites is now dominant.

    My point is, people believe their perceptions are real. If you grew up believing “big is beautiful,” ala Middle East, and Hawaii, that is the ideal. If you grew up believing the Irish are drunken louts, that is the truth.

    Mental health is also about mental state, along with physiology, and genetic disposition. You have the higher perspective of the “big picture” so to speak. You have that under control, and you do beautiful work with people who are still victims.

    My question: If one’s whole life supports a certain story about what is real, what would it take to alter that story? Roseanne Barr paid with her “life” for an uninhibited attempt at political racial humor. What dangerous beliefs threaten each of us, especially in unguarded moments and in like-minded company?

    1. Wow, what powerful questions, Von. Thank you for sharing your story. Yeah, it makes me sad to think that those harmful beliefs are considered “normal” still to so many. I think it takes education and a shift in speaking. Not saying that those who hold those beliefs are uneducated or dumb — not at all! But just education in the broader sense — like, exposure to culture that broadens one’s minds. Access to different materials and books, speaches, think pieces from people from all different backgrounds. Interaction between people form all cultures, so that we can experience one another on a personal level. And lastly and most importantly, a focus on God’s plan for His creation: with all humans living in peace and harmony and love with one another as brothers and sisters.

  51. There is no diagnosis for “multiple personality disorder” anymore and that terminology has not been used for many, many years. The term now and has been for over 20 years, “boarderline personality disorder.” So, me thinks, there may be something amiss. (By the way, I am a retired mental health therapist and have an MEd. in mental health counseling.)

    1. What in interesting perspective. Thank you for sharing that, Jay. I was unaware of that. I was citing her words from an interview about it. thanks for stopping by and sharing your insight. Hugs and love xox

  52. Hum. Pretty disappointed with this post. Reading through the comments, you mention you’re trying to spread awareness about mental health… except you’re doing that by discrediting someone else’s claim or acknowledgement of their diagnosis. It is just that, theirs. I don’t discredit your diagnosis or the way you handled it, it was yours. Each persons diagnosis is individualized. Do I agree with her statements? Hell no. Do I think she need help? Hell yes. This isn’t “tough love” this is judgment covered with a blanket phrase. You can’t tell someone where to be in their recovery or how it makes them feel/think. Maybe it was a quick way for her to blame her actions on something else, but maybe it wasn’t. Mental illness has distorted people’s thinking for decades. There are individuals in psych wards because they truly believe with every fiber of their being that they are Jesus or Satan… or know the secret of another universe only they can disclose.

    1. Hi friend, I appreciate you sharing your thoughts about the piece. I’m sorry that it disappointed you. I agree that mental illness can make people do or say things that they are unaware of, and those people need compassion, support, and help. and I’m sorry that it came across that I was doubting her diagnosis…that is not how I feel. Her diagnosis is between her and her doctor. I thank you for joining the conversation. I was using this situation as a poignant way to open up a dialogue about one of the most difficult aspects of my own recovery: taking responsibility for it. Hugs and love xox

      1. Opening up dialogue is definitely important, however it is important how that conversation is addressed. I know conversation can be easily misconstrued over social media and online formats, but in conversations such as these it can be misinterpretations like this that can be detrimental. That being said, I hear you, and I appreciate your clarifications.

      2. Thank you 💛 I will certainly be more aware and sensitive to it in the future. Xx

  53. Explaining an action is not the same as evading responsiblity to exeternalizing responsibility. I agree with you that recovery takes a lot of work. Recognize our errors. Apologize. Use our resources to not make the mistakes again (change personal behavior, develop and rely on social supports, participate in counseling, develop a medication routine that works, delete those messages that we should never send…). Be humble. Accept forgiveness. – Oscar

    1. Amen. This is really powerful, Oscar. That is a surefire recipe to take control of one’s recovery and succeed. Thanks for sharing your thoughts. Hugs and love xox

  54. Of course what she said is defensible. Jimmy is wrong. Everyone vilifying Roseanne is wrong and being incredibly judgemental. No one on the face of this planet is exempt from saying something offensive. NO ONE. I have no right to sit in judgement of her words. What happened to our mercy and compassion? Especially those of us identifying as Christian? Her apology MUST be accepted at face value. That is what apologies are for. She should not have lost her job over WORDS. WORDS!! Come on people. Our nation has become entirely too easily offended. When we become offended, we give ourselves over to the person making offensive remarks. We become their property. They own us. If, as Christians, we are ‘dead to the world’ nothing said could ever touch us. We would feel pity for that person and ask God to aid them in their journey. Do I become offended? Yes. But that is MY fault and not the fault of the person being offensive. Being offended is a choice. I am not without sin and therefore I cannot cast stones. Why? I will be judge in heaven as I judge here on earth.

    1. Thanks Melissa for sharing your thoughts on this. I can take a page from this: I should not have been so hard on Roxanne, and shown some mercy. It’s a difficult situation, given how deplorable her words were, I just got a little to riled up, I’m afraid. But you’re right, she apologized, and we must do as Jesus would do. Hugs and love xox

    1. thank you so much Sussy — you’re so kind to say that:) i’m glad this resonated with you! Hugs and love xox

  55. Carrie Fisher had bipolar for most of her career. I’m not a huge fan of infotainment…info-tainers…whatever its called. Its light on the info, heavy on the sarcasm, on deeply complex issues. This is blowback, from that genre. A large portion of the U.S. has some kind of mental health issue. I hear it all the time on different job sites something similar to Barr is not specific to Barr. Only, that she had something to lose. Personally, I originally thought, its a regional thing like, maybe people have not saw many minorities in charge. Like, in the Midwest. I am called Taliban often. Then, watching those networks that create these dialogues it made more sense why it’s become okay to verbally attack strangers for the superficial. In public. At work. Without recourse, like what happened to Barr.

    1. Gosh, I’m so sorry to hear that you’ve been verbally attacked like that. You did not deserve that. Words are hurtful and we need to love one another. Hugs and love xox

      1. Ha. Hugs. No. We can’t force people to like people. If that were the answer my life would have been different. People set the rules and society enforces them.

  56. For myself, during my recovery process…I am responsible for what I say and do. Being bipolar doesn’t give me the right the spew hateful words. It’s that simple. It should be that way for everyone recovering. But unfortunately, I think in her case, she’s surrounded by “yes” people because of her Hollywood status. She may not of had anyone telling her the healthy way to live…just telling her “yes”. But again, unfortunately, it’s the society we live in right now. Thanks for sharing your thoughts. God bless

    1. Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts on this. I think you’re right about that. I love your attitude towards your recovery. Rock on!! Hugs and love xox

  57. I would say I have to agree with you and am glad ABC is standing up for what is acceptable and what is not. It’s time to say no to bullies and hate! We all have issues of some sort, but it’s never ok to be hurtful to others. To attack someone for the way they look is not ok on any level. And people saying it’s wrong is right. I think conversation about it is great and appreciate your bravery in bringing it up. Everyone is going to have an opinion, and that’s ok. You have yours and have every right to it. Love your honesty!

    1. Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts on this. You’re so 100% right on the money – it’s never ever okay to hurt others. Hugs and love xox

  58. Okay, my turn. What Roseanne posted at 2:00 a.m. on Twitter was offensive, degrading, and racist. Period. That’s not excusable. What Samantha Bee said isn’t excusable, either.

    Once the story came out about her being on Ambien at the time, I thought of when my grandmother had been on Lunesta, a similar drug. She lived alone at that point, I think she was in her early 90s (She died in 2013 at the age of 96). Anyway, my mom was visiting one summer. One morning, Mom went in Grandma’s bedroom to wake her up. There appeared to be dried blood everywhere. Mom almost called 911, terrified. Thankfully, it turned out to be chocolate. Grandma had been sleepwalking, eating chocolate, getting it everywhere, and waking up the next day without any memories of doing all of this. And it wasn’t limited to chocolate, either. It’s a miracle she didn’t fall, break glass, and so on. It was absolutely terrifying. My mom took her to the doctor almost immediately, and demanded that she be weaned off the drug as quickly as possible. The doctor listened, and several other side effects ceased to exist, too.

    With all this said, you are such an advocate, in my eyes. You lived through anorexia, and that is a Herculean effort. I’ve recently met and gotten to know better no less than three women who are in recovery for EDs, among other mental health issues/conditions. Thanks to intensive treatment, writing, blogging, and support from their families and friends, they’re now thriving. They all have become responsible for their own recovery, and that blows me away. They are the strong ones. You are incredibly strong, too.

    Thank you for continuing to present and write about the controversial issues. I believe you present these issues as objectively as possible, and I appreciate how you weave your own experiences into every post. Keep being the light. I read every post.

    1. Thank goodness it was chocolate and that she wasn’t hurt!! Thank you so much for sharing your perspective on this. You’re right – those are powerful drugs that can have pretty serious side effects that can lead one to behave erratically. I should probably give a little more grace. Thank you for your kind words Laura Beth. Sending so much love and hugs xox

      1. Don’t beat yourself up. You offer plenty of grace through your own perspective. It’s refreshing to see you be brave and tackle these issues and topics in your own way!

  59. Your post is well thought out and seems to be fair in analyzing Barr’s horrid remarks. But I did kind of stumble over your comments about recovery for those with mental illness. There are some with certain mental illnesses that will never recover or cured, but their illnesses are maintained through their medication that allows them to function and live as best as they can, so I think the choice of the word “recovery” may not have been the right one when speaking generally of mental illness that encompasses all types.

    1. Thank you for sharing your thoughts on this.That’s a really great point. I apologize for my word choice. I will choose more carefully in the future! Hugs and love xox

  60. I am not defending anyone or saying what was said is OK. It does bother me that Roseanne has had a very long and lucrative career. I believe she is know for being crass, regardless in all the years we have “known” her, to allow one tweet done late at night under who knows what circumstances to be a reflection on her and who she is. Her tweet reminds me of how I feel when I have an argument with a loved one. They have hurt me badly and I just want to lash out, so I say something which reflects my feeling of hurt and/or anger, but does not reflect my true feelings. You know, the ones we end up apologizing forever for. The “I am sorry, I was very hurt and I wanted to hurt you back . . .” Unfortunately, she did it over social media and as a public, it seems as though we blow things up disproportionately to the incident.

    I ask, if we are to judge her, what else has she done that would reflect so badly on her, or did she just have a stupid moment and can we forgive her for it? I feel as though she just had a stupid moment. When she mangled singing the “Star Spangled Banner” we did not call her un-american, we called it a stupid thing to do.

    God Bless!

  61. I totally agree with you Caralyn. Her comment was not just an insult to Valerie, but to all depression sufferers who are now assumed to be affected with a racist mindset owing to their medication. I like what one report said about Ambien, “Racism is not a known side-effect of this drug.” Great post.

    1. Thanks friend. I know!! Ambien came back with such a great one liner. Hugs and love xox

  62. Oh wow, I didn’t know she said she has MPD. I heard about the Ambien, and immediately thought that’s no excuse for her racist comment. I agree with you about recovering. It takes sacrifice. And loved what you said… having mental illness does not make you a racist. Or violent. Sad situation all around on this one. Great post Caralyn! On another note, just heard about Kate Spade. So tragic and sad. Depression and mental illness can affect absolutely anyone. No matter how rich and successful they are. Not sure why I added this, just saw it online and I’m shocked.

    1. Yeah, it’s such a tricky situation. Thanks Jenny Marie for sharing your thoughts about this. I know me too, I just heard as well. So tragic. So so sad. Prayers for her and her family. Hugs and love xox

  63. We are responsible for our own recovery! Good for you to have the strength and wisdom for making that statement. And thanks for your continued openness on you own struggles.
    Carole

  64. Thank you for enjoying my blog. I don’t know if Roseanne Barr is mentally ill, but she does have a problem. And it didn’t make sense to put her back on TV. They knew about her all alone. So, if they lost a lot of money, too bad. Take care.

  65. Thanks for this!!! I struggle with bipolar disorder, general anxiety disorder and an eating disorder I’ve struggled with both ends of the scale too low and too high. I’m finally getting the eating in order and God has blessed me with around 14 – 15 really good years of being able to manage the rest. There are always those difficult times however when they come now I know there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Praise God!!! Thank you so much for speaking up for us.

  66. Hey, bbb! (BBB? i don’t know where or not to capitalize that.)

    As someone with depression, OCD, and panic problems who has dear friends who are recovering from anorexia, I think this was a tasteful and well done approach to the situation. My husband and I were just talking about this tonight and saying no matter who you are and who you don’t like, you just don’t say things like that. It kills me that humans can’t treat other humans like..well, humans.

    Stories like Roseanne losing her job for something she willingly did…they kind of stab me. It’s almost impossible for me to keep a job because of my social anxiety, and I’m still looking around after almost a year of marriage. All that to say, if you have a job that 1) you like, and 2) pays you TONS of money…shouldn’t you just be happy you have the job? Goodness. (Oh, also, I guess prayer request for finding a job that I can actually work…if you do that kind of thing around here.)

    Kudos, and congrats on ongoing recovery! Keep it up, love.

    Caitlin

    P.S. You’re a knock-out, and you’ll eat a sandwich whenever you damn well please, so stick it to ’em!

    1. Thank you for sharing your story and your journey Caitlin. I will definitely keep you in my prayers for the job hunt! The right one is out there 🙂 sending so much love and hugs xox

    2. And yes! The capitalization is perfect! I’m actually just now working on my logo! “BBB” Haha Hugs and love xox

  67. Great post. Racism is not an illness. It is a dangerous, hateful, unacceptable, self-serving attitude.
    Roseanne made sacrifices in the past, I am sure, to lose weight. She now looks more attractive than before. However, her attitude and what spews from her mouth and social media is totally wrong.
    She had the ability to be responsible in the past. She should be held responsible still.

    1. Thank you so much J. Yeah it was a really sad turn of events for her. Hugs and love xox

  68. I respect you greatly but be Careful dear Beauty to say “Racism is the most vile of all transgressions” could be considered judging “Judge not lest you be judged”

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