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This post has been difficult to write.
I’ve burned the midnight oil, only to find myself coming up with pocket lint, paperclips and pennies.
I had a really good cry tonight.
I don’t talk about it much, because I like to focus on the positives in my life, but I’ve found here recently that I’ve been carrying around a lot of sadness. And I’m not going to get too into it, but let’s just say that life can present challenging journeys, and I’ve been harboring some deep sadness as of late that I can feel weighing on my soul.
Love takes so many forms throughout life.
I’m waiting for that romantic love to come into my life, but in the meantime, I’ve definitely been blessed with beautiful love from family and friends.
But I’ve recently come to find that sometimes, love stretches you.
Sometimes love is uncomfortable. It can hurt, or leave you feeling expended physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.
But the thing is: I do feel God is drawing me close to Him in this challenging season of my life. I can feel Him using this time of desolation and sadness to pull me into His embrace, so that He can fill my weary spirit with His love and grace.
Our greatest calling in life is to love. It doesn’t matter what your job is, where you live, what your background – God calls us to love with the love that Christ modeled for us.
I just finished the truly life changing book, Love As a Way of Life by Gary Chapman, and it turns out that his seven key attributes of a loving person – many are Fruits of the Holy Spirit.
His key attributes are:
Kindness, Patience, Forgiveness, Courtesy, Humility, Generosity, and Honesty
The Fruit of the Spirit are:
Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Goodness, Faithfulness, Gentleness and Self Control
They’re practically the same list.
But during this season, I’ve seen God working on each of those attributes in my heart. Stretching me. Growing me – often in ways that are uncomfortable. Especially when it comes to patience.
I was watching the sunset over the lake tonight, and God used that quiet time to remind me that just like the sun setting, we will go through darker periods in life. Things will seem bleak, without light or hope, but that He has promised us that every morning, the sun will rise, and the darkness will come to an end.
Things may never go back to the way they were. I am slowly coming to terms with that, and trying – unsuccessfully – to make peace with that in my heart. And it’s been really hard. Really hard. Hard not to become angry or bitter or disengaged. Especially as i spend time at home. But I’ve been really struggling with that as of late.
But one of the things that is so clear, and so beautiful that I get to see every morning while I’m up here in Wisconsin at the lake, is that every sunrise is different.
Every morning, the darkness is broken through by a single ray, only to grow into the most beautiful display of light and beauty. And each one different than the one before – but each one just as magnificent.
I’m never going to get yesterday’s sunrise. I know that. It’s hard for me to accept, but it is reality. Right now I’m in the darkness before the dawn, and I need to look for that single ray of light. Because sure, this new sunrise is different, but it has a beauty all its own. And I need to recognize that. And appreciate what I do have, right here and now.
And in the meantime, cling to Jesus for comfort. Cling to Jesus for strength and to call on Him to grow in my heart the kindness, patience, humility, forgiveness etc. that I need to best love those in my life. Because love is hard. And I’m learning that over, and over, and over.
But it is worth it.
Tonight, I’ve dried my tears. It was good to finally let out my grief and share with someone the burden I’ve been silently carrying. I’ve acknowledged it, but now it is time to move forward. Greet the dawn and appreciate its unique beauty, although different from before.
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