Pass the Vodka – I’ve Got Big News

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It’s currently 5pm, and I’m drinking a stiff vodka/soda, because friends… this post…is one of those that I simply cannot believe I’m publishing.

And frankly, I don’t really know exactly how I’m going to go about putting this – but, let’s just dive right in, shall we? ((I’m stalling.))

First, allow me to set the stage.

Anorexia is a five letter “b-word” that rhymes with witch.

*Shakes head…* No, this is the wrong approach.

It’s no secret that anorexia destroys every aspect of a person’s life, from relationships, to the mind, to the soul. But most dangerously: the body. In an effort to stay alive, one’s starving body begins to consume itself for fuel. Muscles deteriorate, bone mass deteriorates, brain matter deteriorates, and the organs are not immune to this deterioration. Which is why people die from anorexia: because the heart is a muscle, and it too, slowly shuts down.

But a girl’s reproductive system is usually the first “to go” when the body is in a state of starvation. The body cannot sustain its own life, let alone bring another into the world. And hence, why women with anorexia lose their periods and have bodies that appear to have “forgotten” to go through puberty.

And sadly, a woman’s fertility doesn’t always come back. Even after healing from an eating disorder, and being calorically and nutritionally sound, sometimes, the reproductive system never fully recovers. Particularly given an acutely severe and extended period of malnourishment.

And well, that was the case with me.

Fast forward to more recent history. You may remember, two Christmases ago, I experienced a miracle: I got my very first period.

I’m not being facetious or exaggerating in the slightest with the “miracleness” of it all. It involved standing under a huge advent wreath, and the annunciation of Mary. Anywho – long story short, I got my period for the first time, ever in my entire life.

A truly candid photo capturing the wreath’s “grace portal”

And it was this huge, incredibly amazing blessing. Praise God, what a gift.

But…

I never got another period again. That was in 2017.

Until…

Last week.

Yep…the night I published my post about “saying yes” to all the opportunities coming my way, and about embracing dating with all my heart…I get greeted by Aunt Flow. Oh the irony of it all.

And if you think I didn’t call my mom at midnight, in a flurry of joyful tears and gratitude, then you’d be mistaken.

Yep – consider this another miracle. Thank you, Jesus.

Sitting here, reflecting on all of this…a) I can’t believe I just shared that with you. But more than the mortification of what I just shared, I am just smiling and laughing to myself at God’s timing of it all.

I mean, I had literally just published a post about finally feeling ready to bring love into my life, and earnestly seeking Mr. Right. And here, God was actually physically telling me that: Yes, in fact, I am now ready for love.

If I’m being really honest, this was something that had really been holding me back from exploring dating. The fact that I had this big issue hanging over my head made me feel, almost dishonest or deceptive, when going into a potential relationship.

It was this “bomb” I was going to have to drop on whomever I was dating, that…I can’t give you children. And of course, I’m not saying this is a first date conversation…but in my mind it was this “baggage” that, quite honestly, kept me from putting myself out there in the dating world.

And let me pause for a moment, to say that – I know that infertility is a painful topic that a lot, a lot of women face. And it is something that, like I experienced, is such a personal, vulnerable issue that causes so much sorrow, and I just want to say — I see you. I love you. I feel what you’re carrying in your heart. And I am praying for you. God creates families in so many beautiful, different, ways. And praise God for that.

This “arrival” last week, was completely unexpected. And joyfully – gratefully – received.

I have no idea what’s going on, but I feel kind of like I’m sitting in a corn field in Kansas, watching as the winds are picking up, and the clouds are gathering in from all directions, and there’s going to be a beautiful, powerful storm of grace and mercy.

My longing for love. My willingness to put myself out there in the dating world. The arrival of my womanhood.

God is working overtime. And I can see the pieces slowly coming together.

I am so excited to see what God has planned, and what’s next in my story. Thank you, God!

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BBB: Because we're all recovering from something. // For speaking/business inquiries: beautybeyondbones@yahoo.com

288 thoughts on “Pass the Vodka – I’ve Got Big News

      1. I totally gotcha. Yeah I was heavily debating publishing it for that very reason, but I thought – this is God’s grace, and truly a miracle, and yall are such great friends, and have been on this journey with me, so I just couldn’t keep the news of His glory to myself. Like you said! A celebration!

  1. That’s wonderful, Caralyn! Glory to God in the Highest! I’m so happy for your miracle!!! May this be the beginning of many more blessings for you.
    (Please do something for me? In your Blessed moment, would you please pray for me, Michael? I hope for a miracle, too….)

    1. Aw thank you so much, yes glory to God!! Absolutely – will be praying for you!! 🙂 Hugs x

  2. Sweet woman, I am so happy for you ! Carbs. Eat carbs! That will keep it going. Baked potatoes are awesome for that. White and sweet. And bananas. Praying God brings you the husband of your dreams.

    1. Aw thank you so much!!! Haha I have two bananas a day! 💪🏼💪🏼💪🏼 I truly appreciate your prayers! Big hugs xox

  3. I do not recommend acupuncture for spiritual reasons… but Chinese herbal medicine is safe – and can support fertility. Just thoughts. (I’d personally rather let God take the whole wheel, though. Let ‘er rio, Lord!… OK, maybe not the best expression in this context… But may the Almighty God completely do all He can for you, through Mary’s endless “YES.”)

    1. interesting!! hahah you’re funny! I had a good laugh with this one 🙂 But you’re so right! Her Yes was powerful! hugs xo

  4. I am so so so happy for you. Congratulations!

    I got mine back at the beginning of this month and instead of joy I felt dread and panic. It has always been a touchy subject for me and I suppose, in a way, I resent my period somewhat. But I long for the day that I actually get my period and feel joy at how healthy I am.

    Thank you for sharing this! Again I am so happy that you have finally reached this stage 🙂

    – Nyxie

    1. Hi Nyxie! Oh gosh, thank you so much for your kind words! Oh praise God!! you’re so right – there is joy to be found with this news 🙂 a little getting used to, but gosh just think about the immense blessing 🙂 cheering for you, too!! hugs xo

    1. hi Coco! oh gosh thank you so much! i really appreciate your prayers 🙂 big hugs xo

  5. I think my other comment didn’t post…please excuse me if it posted twice but…so happy for you!!! That’s wonderful news! Praying for your continued healing and health 🙂

    1. not to worry!! 🙂 thank you again, dear friend!! have a wonderful night, and thanks again for your prayers! xo

  6. Praise God. I love your transparency. I know it’s tough to be so real but I know God will use it to help others.

    1. Thank you so much Mike. Yeah, this was a little scary to publish, but I had to share the glory of God! hugs xo

      1. As a pastor, it’s hard to talk about my battles with depression but I do to help others. I can be transparent to a fault. I’m learning to have a healthy balance. I’ve trusted the wrong people and they have used my social media to hurt me. I’m being wiser about who I let speak into my life while keeping transparency in my ministry.

      2. You are impacting so many with your vulnerability and honesty. Cheering for your ministry, friend. I’m sorry you have been hurt. Keep putting yourself out there. You’re making a difference!

    1. Thank you so much Steve! Ooooh I haven’t but I really want to!! I’ll have to check it out!!!! hugs xox

  7. I have seen for myself this week that miracles do indeed happen. Nothing is impossible for God, and it’s His own business who He intercedes for and what He decides to do. We just have to sit back and enjoy the ride! Hugs and love, dear lady. — Mike

    1. that’s amazing, Mike. YOu’re so right – miracles DO happen. And how blessed are we to have such a generous Father! thanks friend. hugs x

  8. One day when you’re really bored, pick up my book about my time in a monastery. You find I was 33 when I married, still a virgin, and last Tuesday my wife Barbara and I celebrated 25 years of marriage. Everyone is unique and so is their story. As your story continues to unfold, you will reach a wider and wider audience with hope and celebration. As God’s mysterious glory works in and through you, you’ll smile big, be humbled by His presence and grace, and cheerfully wonder, “What’s next?” And so will the readers you minister to. Blessings, my sister.

    1. Oh wow, Jim, that’s amazing. I will definitely have to check out your book! what a story. And congrats on 25 years – that is truly something to celebrate! hugs xo

  9. I love you and your honesty. You are so “out there,” and so encouraging to others who have (or are ) facing (or faced) the struggles you have. You bring us along with you – and help us want to sign up for your Cheer Team. I can’t imagine a single, eligible bachelor who wouldn’t love you at first sight!! <3

    1. Hi Jan, oh gosh thank you so much for your beautiful words of encouragment. I am so grateful for your cheers!! 🙂 haha aww, what a kind thing to say. thanks again, dear friend! hugs xo

  10. Wow. I admire your authenticity and transparency. And I’m rejoicing with you!!! There’s a little private celebration going on in my house right now, just me and God, and I’m so excited at what He has done and is doing in your life.

    Don’t ever stop being the courageous, beautiful woman you are. (Even if it takes a little vodka… haha.)

    1. thank you so much Rebecca! yes! there’s so much to celebrate!!! you’re so sweet, thank you dear friend. God is so so good! hahha 🙂 big hugs xo

  11. So happy for your happy! Ours truly is a God of miracles. We don’t have to work for His love, but I do think we receive it in greater abundance when we are about His Son’s work, and you truly have been. Joy to you!

    Now, about that Mr. Right…

    1. Thank you so much!! 🙂 A God of miracles!! amen to that 🙂 thanks so much for your kind words! hugs xo

    1. Thank you Tonya! Yes!! God is SO good – I’m so grateful for His blessings! thanks for your kind words, dear friend 🙂 big hugs xx

  12. Wow!! God bless menstruation! Wait until your hormones are in full gear, complete with PMS, and you’ll be singing a different tune! 😀 But seriously, this is a huge blessing!! And an accomplishment!! Great job!!

    1. Hey Meg! hahaha yes! God bless menstruation indeed hahahahaha but for real 🙂 Thanks so much for sharing in the joy with me! hugs xo

    1. thank you so much Debi!! 🙂 i appreciate you sharing in the celebration with me! hugs xo

  13. Congratulations! I remember your celebration of the first one, and am SO thankful for God’s reassurance in this second one that is allowing you to just be YOU. Never stop being open and vulnerable. You are helping so many people.

    I think you’d enjoy my friend Bekah’s blog, if you have a moment to visit it. It’s called Barren to Beautiful, and she takes you through her journey of spiritual barrenness that accompanied the physical one. https://barrentobeautiful.com/

    1. Aw thank you so much!!! Yes! God is so good 🙂 and awesome – I will definitely check it out, thank you for passing her blog along! Hugs and love xox

  14. Hi Care! From a single guy’s perspective, I’d never consider your actions dishonest or deceptive. Children are a miraculous gift from God, and even couples with no physical issues sometimes have problems. God brings them in His time, in His way. Keep walking through the doors He opens for you, and keep your eyes open for the one He’s picked out. I guarantee, nothing in your past will matter to him. God will have prepared his heart just for you. And the children will come when He’s ready.

    Was going to say I’d pray for you, but let’s just do it now. Father, You know Caralyn’s heart because You skillfully and lovingly fashioned it. You know the desires You’ve placed there and the ability to care for others that she’ll make use of when You bring children into her life. Continue to open doors for her as You prepare her for the one You are bringing to her. And let each thing You allow to reach her mold her into Your image as You make her ready for him. Keep her eyes on You. Thank you, Father!

    Have a great weekend, Care!

    1. Hi Kenneth, wow thank you so much for such a beautiful prayer. I am truly so touched. You’re a good friend. Amen, and thank you Father!

  15. May the man who God brings to YOU be a blessing to YOU as YOU are a blessing to him. As for me, I am still waiting for that lady to come, but I am not rushing.

    1. Thank you JB, what a kind thing to say. All in His perfect timing!! Hugs and love xox

  16. There’s a sweetness in your vulnerability and willingness to share uncomfortable details. All for God’s glory, right?! Ive prayed for you when you’ve crossed my mind (funny how reading a blog can make you think of someone!), praying God readies your heart for the man He has been preparing for you. It will be a beautiful thing!

    1. Oh my gosh that touches my heart so much. Thank you for your prayers and for such kind words. Amen to that! God’s got a beautiful plan! Hugs and love xox

  17. Thank you again for being real and being honest. I was slightly taken aback by the vodka and soda reference, because, like many evangelical Christians, God has convicted me against drinking and smoking which were habits before I was saved. Having now been a cancer survivor for over 10 years I can say gratefully that God has been there through it all.

    1. Thanks Bruce 🙂 I appreciate you sharing that. Yeah, I don’t really drink – usually only once a week on the weekend. Yes! God is there through it all! Hugs and love xox

      1. Been super busy and have been slipping in my reading! I’ll be back at it soon!

  18. I am smiling with you, Caralyn! Not only at the news of another period, but at the way God is working in your life. I’ve experienced his grace in my own life, and am so happy to see it blooming in your own. God is so gracious and good! Praising him!

    1. Hi Hannah! Oh thank you so much 🙂 you’re so right about that – He is SO gracious and good!! Big hugs to you xox

    1. Hi Sarah!! Aww thank you so much!! Amen to that – cheers to His beautiful surprises! Hugs and love xox

  19. […] must make a new trailer video soon. My health is improving slowly. My nurses might like to read this post from one of the blogs I follow. (I’ll let her explain her circumstances. Pass The Vodka […]

    1. Thank you dear friend. Yeah a little embarrassing, but it is such a testimony to God’s grace and mercy and I just had to share! Hugs and love xox

  20. Have you talked to Tampax about sponsoring you? The periods are a good thing aspect may be ought to be heard more. You go Girl.

    1. Hahah oh my gosh I don’t know if you meant that as a joke but I think it’s hysterical!! And a great idea!!! Thanks David! I seriously am going to reach out to them! What an awesome idea!! Hugs and love xox

      1. I don’t know, half-joking I guess. I guess when we look at our culture and how distorted our concept of sexuality is, maybe ought to talk about women’s health with contraception de-emphasized. We need to change the direction of our dialogue around fatherhood, motherhood and the family. We’ve let a paradigm rule that makes children 1) glorified pets and 2) units that fit into some sort of perverse human ecosystem. We (meaning Catholics and like minded friends) need to take pro-life beyond the womb. That the human race is intended to thrive by God. It’s more than what a comment on a blog can offer. But in short, want children and a functioning traditional family are good things.

      2. That is so SO true. Pro life 👏🏼beyond 👏🏼 the 👏🏼 womb!! Oh my gosh yes!! This was so uplifting!!

    1. Amen to that! God is love and is so so good! Thanks for sharing in the joy with me! Hugs and love xox

  21. Caralyn, congratulations! God is good and so loving and kind to us. I find your posts refreshing and honest. You tackle the hard subjects. Blessings, love and hugs!

    1. Thank you so much!! That’s kind of you to say 🙂 yes! He is so good and gracious! Hugs and love xox

  22. Hi Sis,

    As I guy, I always try to avoid conversations and readings that involve… periods. Hey, what can I say?

    However, as I read your post, I was elated with joy and whispered outloud, “Thank You, Jesus!”

    I’m a 53 year old pastor, been married 32 years, and by now I have a lot of experience with life and it’s many challenges (and hopefully I’m a bit more mature today than when I started😁). Your posting is absolutely beautiful, and is a completely appropriate expression of thankfulness to God.

    Thank You for your continuing transparency-of-heart as you walk through this life with your faith in Christ, and as God heals you in so many ways.

    See you at the altar in prayer.
    ✝️❤️📖🙏🏻🎶😇

    1. Hahha thank you so much, David. Yeah, I hesitated posting this for that very reason, but I thought – this is such a powerful showing of God’s goodness and His grace, I just had to share. And you guys have been with me in this journey, so I just had to bring you guys along on this exciting miracle! Thank you so much for such encouraging words. I am seriously so touched. Congratulations on 32 years! That is truly something to celebrate! Thank you for your prayers!! Blessings to you, David!!

    1. Thank you so much Jenny!! Yes! I appreciate you sharing in the joy with me!! Hugs and love xox

  23. Hard to say dating is not judgemental. Many of our insecurities, are needless worry to someone that actually wants to be with someone.

      1. I’m standing at a sign in this cowboy bar. “God put angels on Earth and called them cowboys.” (Tippin’ my hat to you).

      2. Hahahaha what a great sign! I dated a cowboy in college. They’re good people.

      3. My family rodeos. Then, does farm work. They drive, cattle across the desert. Maybe, we have different definitions of hard work and cowboys. Anybody. Can, put a cowboy hat on but few people are cowboys.

      4. aw, shucks, Kenzie, thanks for saying that. you brought a smile to my face!

      5. Maybe. Sometimes, we marry our jobs. Then, real people are just “side chicks” to work. Something, I think about for myself. Beautiful women, bother me but I have to take care of my parents. I really don’t know why, I’m not pretty. I also have my kids. So. The romance, is not discounted. Love. Should be, and feel like love from the first moments. Love is, different than romance. Romance is like, lets go everywhere but love is, I’m happy with right now. Next, to you.

      6. I’d sit with, my 31 year old friend with ED in hospice. She said, she was to marry as soon as she was better. I’d fill her meds. If longing, had weight it sat on her shoulders. I’d check her operation waiting list status. She died waiting to start her life. Don’t wait. Go.

      7. oh my gosh that is just heartbreaking. i’m so sorry to hear that, Kenzie.

      8. Maybe. You’re trying for someone like that. Familiar, so the insecurities stopping you from being close with someone. Don’t, really need to be said. You’re, still young.

      9. There was a really neat independent movie in the Bronx about a couple. They met at a laundry. They just, clicked. He’s hiding taking care of his ailing father and she’s hiding that she has a list of pills to take for her to be, okay. The last scene she’s so frustrated with him and herself, she can’t uncap an injection. They’ve been broken up for a while but he rubs her back and uncaps the needle and she lifts her shirt to her abdomen. After the injection, she cries and he just holds her. I can’t remember the name of the movie. It was, very similar to this conversation.

  24. Only you can take the subject of having periods and make it both funny and sacred at the same time! Good job, Caralyn! Your Prince Charming is out there and I can’t wait to meet him one day. Love you.💕

    1. Hi Mary!! Haha oh gosh thank you so much. Yeah, a bit of an unconventional topic, but it speaks to the glory and goodness of God so I had to put my pride aside this time 🙂 thanks for saying that. Boy, that’ll be the day when I get to introduce Mr. Right! I can’t wait too!! Hope you have a beautiful weekend. Goodnight, and thanks so much for stopping by and reading! Love and hugs xox

    1. Thank you so much Tony!! When I was growing up I wanted ten kids!!!!! Hahaha yikes! I’ve let that go, but I’ll take as many as the good Lord wants to give. Hugs and love xox

  25. I was literally just thinking about this last week! Praise the Lord. And know that I always pray for you!

    1. oh my gosh, i am seriously so touched by that. thank you my dear friend. praying for you as well!! 🙂 hugs xox

  26. Praise be to God! Caralyn, that is such good news for you! And your hubby! 😉
    And as far as miracles go, it’s the same as the healing of the woman who touched the hem of Christ’s robe! She had years of bleeding that could NOT be stopped, had spent all the money she possessed on physicians, and still could not find relief. Your excitement and faithfulness to praise Him openly is a delight to His heart. I celebrate and praise with you! Glory be to God!

    1. oh wow – i love that bible story. It is so powerful, her faith is so inspiring. Thank you so much, Gail, for sharing in the joy with me. big big hugs to you xox

  27. Amen! Halleluah!

    Miracles abound all around
    Hear thy mighty sound

    Glory, Glory, Glory
    Is our story

    Glory, Glory, Glory
    Is our story

    Praise the one
    And only Son

    Who gave thee
    Life to be
    Here today
    Carried away

    Glory, Glory, Glory
    Is our story

    Freshly written, what do you think?

    **amen, to Gods perfect timing and confirmation.

    He doesn’t leave us doubting, lost and afraid.
    You will know Him, when you meet Him. If it is From Gods plan and will, because you have come to know and recognize God’s distinct touch in your life, His presence and voice is your calmness and peace, it is your completeness.

    And that sense of being whole and complete occurs on two levels- on a divine Godly- and on a secondary marital physical level. The person fills you on the human soul level. The soul then finally exhales in relief, for the long tedious search and want is finally over. Home it has found. The two souls fit together and form a universal HOME, found in the union of each other, now they are complete. They walk as one. Free to lay down roots and build a life anywhere, for their home and sanctuary has already been forged by LOVE. Eternally magnificent and forever victorious.

    lastly, word of the wise- remember you envisioned the perfect mate, perfect as in perfect just for you, but you didn’t and could not forsee his weaknesses and flaws, which will give rise to HE MIGHT NOT BE THE ONE. Maybe I got it wrong. God didn’t get it wrong. He got is right. He always does.

    We are works in progress till we ascend, and still after that. If we waited for the perfect time of complete uprightness and virtue there would be no marriages.

    And don’t ever forget this- ever- always- okay?

    That because you are a child of God, and married to another child of God, you will automatically rise to priority two on the enemies hit list.

    To destroy all resemblance of family unity, and any marriages blessed by God, anything involving VOWS to God, or to another in the name of God, to try and stop wonderful opportunities that a married couple serving Christ together have which makes believers out of non believers! AMEN.

    The enemy can make you hear things, something at just the right time, to really throw a wrench in things. Remember, yes you heard another woman’s voice, no doubt it was real, but your husband said he was alone. Surely then he must be lying and cheating.
    Do not presume. The enemy would love that. All I had to do is make her hear a woman’s voice and she was putty in my hands. It is so hard to understand this, to even remember and recall such a thing is possible, much less to account for it as the cause. BUT it is real. And I share with u, to help you be prepared. In Jesus name.

    1. wow what a beautiful poem! Thank you for this powerful response! so much beautiful food for thought! hugs xox

  28. Congratulations, Dearie. Your miracle is mind blowing. Love will find you soon. And you’ll bear your own children.

    Relax and watch God do what only He can do.

    Much love.

  29. God bless you. It is a touchy subject, but one that needs to be talked about. Many women are suffering privately with their health (namely infertility issues) and can use the comfort of knowing they are not alone. Plus, the added idea of “getting older” and consistently being reminded you’re not married or have children is like a stab at the heart. It starts to question your ability as a woman, who desires to have children one day. I believe in a God who is faithful to His promises. I’m so happy for you. 🙏🏼

    1. Thank you so much! You’re so right, this is definitely something a lot of women carry. Amen to that – God keeps his promises, and He knows our deepest heart-desires. so glad you stopped by, have a beautiful weekend! hugs xox

  30. Awwwnn…reading this brought tearful smiles to my face. God is awesome and I’m amazed at how he brings the pieces together at his own unbeatable pace. I can totally relate to your story as I await my miracle too. Kisses

    1. Thank you so much, dear friend. I appreciate that. Yes He is! praying for your miracle 🙂 hugs xo

  31. I think that this post was absolutely beautiful, and it left me with a smile on my face about the goodness of God and your faith and willingness to “let be and let God”. I love Bob Goff by the way. But goodness, this is a new season for your life!!! I hope all the best for you and that God will give you the perfect man for you and that you will have many children and a happy life!!!! PTL!!!!!

    1. oh gosh thank you so much!! amen to that – God is So SO good. Thank you for sharing in the joy with me!! PTL!! hugs xo

  32. I understand this was pretty hard to share. So personal! But I’m sure there are some of your readers who have the same problem and are thankful that someone was brave enough to talk about it. I’m happy for you that things are coming together for you. One step at a time, eh?

    That’s the thing about any recovery, right? It takes time…often years to recover from disasters and setbacks. Even then we are not the same person as we were. There are scars. But they heal and fade.

    Hugs & love! Jeff

    1. Thank you Jeff – yeah, I was nervous to publish, but it show the glory and goodness of GOd, so I had to share. And you’re so right – it takes time. You guys have been on this journey with me, so i wanted to share the joy 🙂 Thanks so much, Jeff. Hope you and Julie have a beautiful weekend!!! hugs x

  33. I wish there was a LOVE button! I’m overjoyed after reading this. God is so amazing! Your transparency is truly a gift to the world.
    “He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has
    given us.” 2 Corinthians 1:4

    1. awww, thank you so much Sharon!!!!! I so appreciate you sharing in the joy with me!! I love that verse 🙂 big hugs xo

  34. I’m so happy for you! I have several friends who have struggled with infertility, miscarriages/stillbirths, or both. Thank you for the refreshing perspective! I myself struggled in a different way – I would sometimes get my period twice a month. It was awful! I turned into a completely different person. I have been on a form of birth control since the age of 12, and it’s made such a difference. However, I don’t judge anyone, either. I have friends who are adamant against birth control of any sort, and that’s fine with me. You continue to be amazing! Thank you for sharing. Have a fabulous weekend!

    1. Thank you so much Laura Beth! I really appreciate you sharing in the joy with me!! yeah, sadly this is something that too many women have to navigate. Big big prayers for those brave women and couples. You too! have a beautiful weekend! hugs xo

  35. This is awesome news! So happy for you. Amazing how easy one can take something for granted until it’s taken from you. Thank you for sharing these kinds of things, I know it must not be easy to be so open about it all.

    I had a question about anorexia, I’ve never really looked into the studies of it or known anyone that is/did go through it. But is it the case of your mind is just telling you that you’re not hungry so you don’t eat or is it more like you still get hungry but your mind is telling you that you should not eat because of “X” reason? Or maybe something entirely different? I’m sorry if this is too upfront and please you don’t have to answer it if you don’t want to. I was just really curious cause I know how powerful our minds can be.

    1. Thank you so much!! Yeah scary to publish, but it shows the glory of God, so I had to share. To answer your question, it’s actually not about hunger at all. It’s not about food at all. It’s about control. and a lie that they believe. The food and the weight is just a symptom and a manifestation of what is going on inside. i go into it more in “On & Off the Ice”

    1. Thank you so much Alice, I really appreciate you sharing in the joy with me! hugs xo

  36. I would love to send you a free copy of my book “For This Child We Prayed: Living with the Secret Shame of Infertility” to encourage you. I had the opposite problem, infertility due to endometriosis. I am a living witness that God can do exceedingly, abundantly, above all we can ask or think. let me know where to send it if you like. Lena

    1. Thank you so much for sharing your story, Lena. I’m so sorry this hits so close to home. Your book sounds so powerful!! hugs xox

    1. Yes it has, thank you so much David! It really is such a blessing! totally free! hugs xo

    1. Thank you so much Kethleen!! 🙂 That really means so much. Thanks for sharing in the joy with me! big hugs xo

  37. Praise God! Infertility is one of the most painful and personal things I minister to as a pastor but I have seen miracle after miracle, in many forms, for those who wait on him in this. God truly does love families and hears our prayers in that regard. We’ll believe and rejoice with you that you just got yoir miracle! (Easy on the Vodka) 😉

    1. Thank you so much Dan! Yeah, it really is such a difficult road that so many couples have to walk. He really does hear our prayers. Thanks for sharing in the joy with me! bighugs x

  38. The one thing inherent quality this blog has is that it is as purely honest as it’s author is Beautiful.
    I would imagine that you were blushing whilst writing these few paragraphs; probably just as much as the author of 50 Shades. 🙂

    Yes.. Pass the vodka / wine / even a little G&T, because the manifestation of a miracle calls for a celebration. We are in most sacred of seasons and a miracle should be expected. God is at work and it’s a work in progress. We’re all a work in progress.
    All we should know that Christ came to give us life and life in abundance. This mean every aspect of it.

    As you move forward, leaving the old life behind, walk & treasure in the tiny victories the Lord give you along the way. 😊

    1. Thank you friend. A celebration indeed!!! God is so good! Thanks for sharing in the joy with me! Hugs and love xox

    1. Aw, thank you so much Roshonda!!!! that really means so much 🙂 I appreciate you sharing in the joy with me! bighugs xoxo

  39. We all have that baggage that we feel disqualifies us from knowing love from another person– I, right now, am dealing with that very thing in my relationship. Know that the enemy will try to make you believe you are not worth love or not “put together enough” for love. Period or not, you are precious and Jesus has a plan for your life! Delight yourself in Him and watch what He does, not only in your love life, but in every aspect. 🙂
    Love ya, sister in Christ!
    Annalee

    1. Hi Annalee, thank you so much for your encouragement, and for sharing your story. I’m sorry that you’re walking a trying road right now. I will definitely keep you in my prayers 🙂 big hugs to you xox

  40. This was all kinds of appropruate, dont be ashamed! This is a miracle and I’m so happy that God came through for you! It truly is a confirmation of great things to come and I’m so privileged to read about it!

    1. Thank you so much, friend!! It really is a miracle! God is so so good! big big hugs xox

    1. Thank you so much for your kind words! I appreciate you sharing in the joy with me! hugs x

  41. Beautiful, Caralyn! So good! So good! The Lord loves His daughters, and properly so! And you in particular, and properly so! I wish you many more blessings to come.

    1. Thank you so much g.w! God is SO good! I appreciate you sharing in the joy with me! hugs x

    1. Oh my goodness, thank you so much my dear friend. I appreciate you sharing in the joy with me!! God is good! big hugs xox

    1. Hi Laura Aleena! Aw, thank you so much 🙂 I really appreciate you sharing in the joy with me!! Yes! God is so so good! big hugs xo

  42. Ahh. The body that forgot to go through puberty :(. That is a trial I have to face when I look in the mirror every day. I don’t even know if anybody would ever want to marry me. Not to act depressed or anything, but my torso grew tall and my legs never did… And of course no curves at all. Wondering if I should pray about this since I’m still in my late teens, but is that selfish? Should I just accept and take up my cross? God bless.

    1. Thank you so much for sharing your heart. Sweet friend I feel you. I don’t think it’s selfish at all to pray about it!! God wants you to cry out to Him. And you’re still in your late teens! Don’t worry, or lose hope, love! — I’m ten years older, and I literally just developed in the last month or so! So it will happen all in good time, when it’s supposed to. But the best thing to remember is that, no matter that your outer self looks like, it’s what’s inside that matters. Mr. Right is going to fall in love with your heart. You are such a beautiful soul – and you were created just the way you are — on purpose! Embrace that God given beauty!! Sending the biggest hug to you, dear friend!! Hugs and love xox

  43. I can’t know what God has planned for your life, but based on your compelling, honest blog posts, you will make an amazing mom some day. All in His time! Congrats. Happy news and wonderful essay!

    1. Hi Mary Jo! Thank you so much for your kind words and for sharing in the joy with me! You’ve brought a big smile to my face! Hugs and love xox

  44. Congratulations! God is amazing in ways he displays redemption. I pray joy in your journey of loving God and opening yourself to his enduring promises.

    1. Thank you so much Karisa! Yes, He is SO amazing! THank you for your prayers and for sharing in the joy with me! big hugs xo

    1. Thank you so much Lydia!! Amen amen amen!! Praise God!! Thank you Jesus!!! hugs xox

  45. There you go again drinking one of these days God will wipe out all the hypocrites I guess that’s why I’m a Christian and you’re a Catholic. I don’t need rituals I have the word it’s my strength I live by it I live in it and live for it. Yes I’ve been mocked. But the opinions of the world don’t matter. Enjoy your vodka and maybe you should stop writing. I don’t think you’re in a condition to give spiritual advice if you’re drinking vodka. Would Jesus drink vodka. Absolutely not he wouldn’t drink anything that any breeds is thinking and its connection with God so why do you?

  46. Way to go, Aunt Flo!
    It is hard to be transparent and vulnerable with news of the reproductive organs. (I was a bit nervous sharing about my infertility, but had to accept it as my life journey hurdle.)
    May your God-sitings in your life continue in number and may you receive the blessings that dwell in your heart.
    You are being a faithful servant and you are an inspiration!

    1. Hahah thanks so much!!! I really appreciate you sharing in the joy with me! God is good! Hugs and love xox

  47. Aww Caralyn I’m so happy for you!! I really hope that’s a sign you’ll soon find the man who will be your husband and father of your children.

    I’m still trying to get my period back after just reaching weight restoration. And I have the same problem as you, I think, how will I explain this to a man? That I can’t have children… not because I’m naturally infertile, but because I’ve made this to myself… So I’d appreciate a little prayer too 😉

    1. Hi Paola! Aw thank you so much!! I hope so too. And thank you for sharing that – I will definitely keep you in my prayers. Keep nourishing. Keep being patient. The body takes a while to fully heal and to trust you again. I would also suggest to check in with your doctor too. 🙂 hang in there lovie! Hugs and love xox

  48. Wow!! This is really an awesome miracle. Please pass the vodka, i need my share😂. I’m so happy for you darling. I was smiling throughout the whole post. Enjoy your moment dear. God bless

    1. Thank you so much Chiqj!! hahha passing it right over 🙂 but seriously, thanks for sharing in the joy with me! God is good! hugs xox

  49. Congratulations! Continuing to pray for you and your journey towards becoming more and more of who God is calling you to be. 🙂 God Bless and keep on keeping on! You are doing a wonderful job sharing these intimate parts of your life that offer such encouragement to not only those who struggle with eating disorders, but to all of us who struggle with whatever our personal issues may be. God is good!

    1. Oh my gosh, thank you so much for your prayers and for sharing in the joy with me! God is so so SO good!! big hugs to you xox

  50. It’s refreshing to find someone who is confident enough to open their heart publicly to give a testimony on something so personal. You are a good woman and we all want to see you happy. This is an important issue for you so we rejoice with you in your trust in God. 🙂

  51. Wow, so very happy for you King’s Daughter! God says in his Word:
    “Those who honor me I will honor.”
    May Jesus continue to bless and fulfill you in all sorts of wonderful ways that glorify him!
    Blessings and prayers for you,
    Ron Bouchard
    http://www.theburningheart.com

  52. I am much older, was anorectic as a teen, lost period for over a year. It returned when I hit 100#. I had two beautiful daughters at age 29 and 31. Now I have a grandbaby. Glad to read your news! 💖💖💖

    1. Oh praise God!! that is so wonderul thank you for sharing your story! hugs xox

  53. Well I am glad for you. Not sure I would have shared that much intimate information, but I am from a different era. My most salient thought is this: If you, for some reason, were not able to have children, but you with your pen inspired 10,000 people, or even 1 or two people to lead more Godly lives–maybe have children themselves–would you not have done the Lord’s work? Of course, I think you will have children, maybe a whole bunch. I’ll be praying for that. Keep the faith! God bless you. Like Jesus before you, you as one of his disciples, are changing hearts.

    1. Hahha thanks – yeah, I was pretty shocked I shared it too, but then – y’all have been on this journey with me. So all for the glory of God! Thank you for your prayers!! And thank for such kind words – I am very touched. Hugs and love xox

  54. I read. It’s a, Colitis symptom also. Your body, has been through a lot. Takes, a while. It may feel like a lot to take in for a potential partner. The right guy, won’t mind. My uncle’s wife, has ED and UC. He said, they had the “poop talk” on the first date. 🤷‍♂️ My friend’s wife has ED and they had this, miracle baby a few years after her, um, stuff. She’s a doctor, now. The baby. Its just, good to express your fears to some man you find, of interest. They become less insecurities and just everyday challenges.

    1. Oh wow that’s incredible – praise God. And you’re right – open communication like that is important. Hugs and love xox

      1. “The dance of this universe extends to all the relationships we have. Knowing the steps ahead of time is not important; being willing to engage with the music and move freely is what’s important.” (Margaret Wheatly)

        Maybe. Love, is like that.

  55. I really don’t think I could possibly say anything that hasn’t been said and I’m sure I couldn’t say it as well as some. BUT I do enjoy reading your stories, your pass struggles are not anything I face myself but I do love getting to others and what stories they have to tell. I think you are a very brave and sweet person! I look forward to reading another soon.

  56. I am so very happy for you and your “visit” from Aunt Flow! God is good…and I hope and pray that you will indeed, if it is His will for your life, be blessed with children of your own some day and that you find a Godly man to share your life with. You seem like a lovely person with so much to give to the right man. If he is the right man, he will love you just as you are regardless of whether or not you can bear him children. I pray you find him soon!

    1. Thank you so much Galen! hahah yes!! Aunt Flow is a welcome guest! hahahah But seriously, I am so touched by your kind words and prayers. big hugs to you xox

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