The Freedom of Being Known

One of the greatest hurdles to my recovery from anorexia, if I’m being totally and completely honest, has been letting people “in” to my past. Sharing it with people, and letting people get close enough to me to really “go there.”

And I know that sounds preposterous, given the fact that…hello…I literally have this very blog where I share about incredibly personal things on the reg. But for whatever reason, it’s much easier to share with 43,000 people about my messy history, than to sit down one-on-one and tell my story to someone over a glass of wine.

The idea of that, frankly, gives me anxiety sweats.

But it’s something that I’m really working on. Because, RealTalk: I still carry a lot of shame about the fact that I battled anorexia. I still struggle with separating who I am now, with who I was then. And even though I know conceptually, that both have the same worth, and same value as a child of God, and are worthy of love — the fact is, I am ashamed. I feel it somehow discredits me from love, today. I feel it makes me damaged goods that no man will ever want to “risk” getting close to.

But anyway — all that to say….I went to confession yesterday.

Which, let me just set the record straight — I am a bad Catholic, because, let’s be real — it’s not my favorite.

We’re talking — I once drove to inner city Chicago to confess all the sins and baggage around my eating disorder to a priest that barely spoke english just so I would never have to see that man again!

I mean, I don’t think I’ve ever gone to confession at a church I actually attended just because I didn’t want to know the priest, or have him know me.

And…I’m not proud of that.

But — here we are. Confession is a beautiful gift — one that, I need to learn to set my pride aside, and embrace more.

But yesterday — I went to confession at my own parish in New York. Face to face with the priest I see every Sunday.

Why? Well — it was kind of an emergency situation. I missed mass on Sunday (sorry mom and dad!) First time, ever — by the way. Minus when I was on bedrest, and that time I was in Iceland where there was literally no church within a 4 hour drive.

So anyway – it was an emergency. And so, I went to confession at my own parish.

And afterwards, I stayed for daily mass in this tiny little chapel. I mean, there are only five rows, and I could literally reach out and touch the pulpit if I wanted to. It’s that intimate a space.

During mass, I made eye contact with the priest — the one who I just confessed to — and he just smiled at me, like a loving father. And in my heart, there was this moment of peace — and dare I say, joy — that this man knew my baggage, and still loved me and saw me as a child of God.

He had said something to me in the confessional, that really resonated with me in that moment. After I had just spilled all this horrible crap that had built up over a year — so you know there’s a lot!! — he said to me, “God is so happy that you’re here. And He’s so pleased to have His daughter bringing these things to Him, so He can take them from you.

God was happy that I brought my baggage to Him. The things that I carried in shame, in guilt, in self-disgust — God was pleased to take them from me.

And the priest, even after hearing them, didn’t see me as a monster!

For the rest of that mass, for whatever reason, my mind was brought back to my time on the El Camino de Santiago pilgrimage, last summer in Spain with my mom. If you’re new here, my mom and I walked 80 miles along the coast of Spain and Portugal in thanksgiving for her recovery from a stroke.

But we were traveling with a group, and along The Way, we all shared our stories. I mean, after all, we had nothing but time, and dirt paths through the Spanish countryside.

And I shared about my anorexia. And much to my relief, I received nothing but love and acceptance. And in fact, it strengthened the bond with these people I now consider family.

But it just reinforced to me that, my story is nothing to be ashamed of.

And then God reminded me that just the day before, I shared my story with these two lovely ladies I met at a blogging event in the city!

God, in that teeny little chapel, was showing me, over and over that my past does not make me too broken.

Yes, I went through a terrible season with anorexia, and have that in my past — but I am not defined by that. It gave me the opportunity to grow, and learn about myself, and solidify my relationship with Jesus, and honestly, become the person I am today.

But the anorexia in my past is not who I am. It is not what defines my worth as a person, or the determining factor as to whether I am deserving of love.

Because God took it. God released me from that shackle. And He redeemed me: mind, body, spirit.

I don’t know, but I’m feeling this ground-swell beneath me, as I’m feeling more and more emboldened to share my story, in “offline” life.

Maybe this is God gearing me up to have the courage to share my past with the man He has planned for me.

All I know is that there is no shame with Jesus. He clears our name and sets us free. I experienced that yesterday with confession.

And in fact, those scars from our past only point to the glory and victory of Christ.

Jesus, in His post-resurrection ministry actually led with His scars.

So the question is…what will we do with ours?

“This is what the Lord says to these bones: I will make breath enter you, and you will come to life.” Ez 37:5

Comes in other fun colors too!


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beautybeyondbones

BBB: Because we're all recovering from something. // For speaking/business inquiries: beautybeyondbones@yahoo.com

177 thoughts on “The Freedom of Being Known

    1. I so get that feeling you had of @it’s much easier to share with 43,000 people about my messy history, than to sit down one-on-one and tell my story to someone over a glass of wine”. I too have found such freedom in being able to speak it and experienced such love and acceptance in return. There definitely times when its not been so good but the good outways teh bad times. I love your honesty! Thanks!

      1. You’re definitely right about that! Oh good! So glad you know that freedom too! Hugs and love xox

  1. God is glad you bought him your baggage. Huuuumm I like that. Never heard it like that before. It would be hard for me to go to confessions as well knowing I would have to see that person later. That my dear is brave.I feel better confession my sins to God myself.

    1. Thanks Mike – you’re right about that. A terrific priest! Hugs and love xox

  2. I’m 100% sure there is a man somewhere who will love and adore you just as you are, Caralyn. Be well. 🙏🏻❤️

    1. Thanks friend! Yes!! It was so beautiful, and I’m very grateful for that sacrament! Hugs and love xox

  3. God Bless you, Caralyn. The Sacrament of Reconciliation is one of my favorite things. I don’t understand why many cradle Catholics have misgivings sometimes about it–sure, variety of priests and penances, etc–but coming in from outside? It’s like an old man finding people standing around the fountain of youth and complaining that it tastes bad! My very first confession, February of 2018, I had my entire life so far to unburden, all twenty-six years of it (at the time). I did not realize how much my sins were weighing me down. A short time later, I was driving by my parish late at night, for some reason or other, and I looked over and saw the lights on and I thought…Home. I thought of the parable of the prodigal son. My eyes welling with manly tears, I thought about how God will welcome me back with open arms every time. EVERY. TIME. And how no matter where I am in the world, this the one place (besides my family) where I will always be welcome. It was, and is, nothing short of miraculous.

    Please forgive me for blowing up your comments with essays, but I have two anecdotes to share which are related. First: God calls us by our name, the evil one calls us by our sins. It is easy to burden ourselves with shame and guilt, but that is just what the evil one wants. To feel SO burdened that we choose to do nothing. With a contrite heart, if we can muster the courage to go to confession, God will lighten our load with nothing more due than the penance we receive after. We will pay the full debt in the hereafter, but for now, our consciences can be light.

    Our consciences can be so light because of something I like to relay in this second anecdote. It is a story that I read of a Saint who saw a vision of Christ, and was so amazed he told his companion, fearing that he was losing his mind. His companion said, “If it is Christ, ask him what I said in my last confession.” So, when the vision appeared to him again, the Saint put the question to Christ, and He responded: “I don’t remember.” God truly, TRULY forgives our sins. He forgives and forgets! It is done! We are restored to righteousness. As Moses shone when he came down from Mt. Sinai, from being in the presence of God, so too do I believe people shine when they leave confessionals. They smile, are lighter on their feet. Confession is a beautiful and amazing sacrament.

    It’s an old cliche I think, but I definitely think it is true: We are all recovering from something. I was burdened with a deep depression for many years–Winston Churchill would call it the Black Dog. It still visits me, now and again, and I’m sure I will never fully be rid of it. But this past year of following in Christ, having His example and a community of fellow Catholics to share in fellowship and the Grace of his presence: I have never felt better in my life. When I was able to let God take my burdens off of me, and accept God’s forgiveness, and forgive myself: truly there is no better feeling.

    Thank you for this reminder. God Bless you.
    AMDG
    -Scoot

    1. Thanks friend. Yes! What a beautiful gift God has given us in that sacrament. Thanks for sharing that – open arms every time. Amen! Hugs and love xox

  4. Yes, finding an unfamiliar priest is a must! As a convert I never understood confession. Then I actually did it and what an amazing feeling it was.

    1. Thanks so much JP! Yes! It’s like you’re a whole new person afterwards! Hugs and love xox

  5. Every time I read your posts I am reminded of how very brave you are. It takes great courage to share about every detail of our struggles! BUT I know that in our raw confession and our “REAL-NESS” we help others going through similar situations. And I believe that is what we are here to do! Keep it up Caralyn, you are inspiring! xoxo

    1. Oh my gosh, thank you dear friend. I am so touched by your kind words. Amen! We’re all here to walk the road together! Hugs and love xox

  6. Hi Caralyn. When we are completely broken, all baggage split open and laid before Him, Jesus Christ picks us up, making us one with Him.
    As we give Jesus the baggage, He buries it, never to look at it again.

    When we repent of our sin to Jesus, asking forgiveness, Jesus picks us up as the broken vessel we are, and restores us, making us whole and strong in Himself, as He gives Holy Spirit to live within each of us who call on the Name of Jesus for Salvation.
    And, the Holy Spirit Who dwells in each of us who ask Jesus to be our Saviour and Lord, is the same Holy Spirit Who raised Christ from death. Now, I declare we certainly do have the Power of God within us when we are Christ followers, bought and cleansed by His Precious Blood, that Jesus Christ willingly gave for each of us.
    Now, who does not want that. Salvation is free to us, as the price was paid by Jesus Christ, Son of God Himself, on Calvary.

    God Bless you Caralyn as you always share Jesus, and give others of us opportunity as well. Between each who shares, the words written may be used by Holy Spirit to connect with someone, drawing them to Jesus, or start to inquire and ask questions anyway.

    Luv, 😀❤️🌹😘

    1. Thank you so much George – I love that so much : Jesus DOES pick us up!! And what a beautiful blessing that is. We have so much to be grateful for. Thanks for being an awesome encouragement! Hugs and love xox

  7. My, My, My….. You nail every conversation you share, yet you have difficulty accepting your imperfection… Newsflash, BBB, everyone is an imperfect human being. We are all in this together, by design, so that we can lift each other up when we recognize the need, share our compassion, our desire to help, and our commitment to that end, when it presents itself. Just like the movie “Frozen”, you need to #LetitGo and identify as a dues paying member of the human race, not an outcast, not “damaged goods”… God sees you as He sees everyone, with Love, Joy and Hope. Indeed, we are all unique, by fingerprint, by our bodies, and most importantly, by our Spirit/Soul. Each of us has been presented with our own skills, abilities, talents, shortcomings, personalities and obstacles. Life is a real chore when it is lived in the Rearview Mirror. Look forward, Look Up, Look in Wonder at the world around us, Look in Awe of the Beautiful child of God each of us offers. One of the best books I’ve read is by Michael J Fox (Always Looking Up)… If you haven’t already, get a copy and read it… thoroughly. Wishing you life’s best…..
    -Michael

    1. Hi Michael! Thank you friend, for this wonderful encouragement. You’re so right – love joy and hope! What a comforting thought! I’ll have to check out that book 🙂 Hugs and love xox

  8. Caralyn, your past is in the past! It is covered with the blood of Jesus and washed away. However, you are where you are today because you are an overcomer. Shame comes from the enemy of our souls that wants us to believe we are defective and to kill, steal and destroy us. Jesus gives us abundant life! Blessings, hugs and love! XOXO

    1. You’re so right about that! The blood of Jesus washed those things away! Thanks for your kind words. Hugs and love xox

  9. “Jesus, in His post-resurrection ministry actually led with His scars.” Wow, that is making me think, and I will soon put it into a margin near the doubting Thomas story. I wrestled for my young adult years with hiding scars on my right arm because I was ashamed of having been in a motorcycle accident. Then one day it “ah-hahed” me that I had a great bravado story and I could also share how God delivered me from it by several miracles! Yet here I am still struggling with an even worse “thorn in the flesh” that actually keeps me back from some service to God. I will be thinking about what you said so honestly and powerfully, Caralyn.

    1. Thanks Broose. Yeah – Thomas’ and Jesus’ interaction always hits me so hard!! Thanks for sharing your heart. So glad you stopped by. Hugs and love xox

  10. Great post! Moving, thoughtful and honest. I’m with you on the confession thing. It’s tough! I understand the absolute beauty of seeking His forgiveness one-on-one, but it is still really, really hard. Those of us who struggle with our self-image, it’s doubly hard. It requires getting real about the facade we present to the rest of the world. But when we do, we are rewarded beyond our wildest imagination with his abundant mercy. Thanks for the inspiration!

    1. Hi Mary Jo! Thank you so much!! You’re so right – His mercy is beyond our imaginations! What an exciting thought!! Hugs and love xox

  11. I am literally in tears reading what that priest said to you. Good tears.
    I can’t go back to the Catholic Church… But what a powerful message… And transcends denomination anyway
    ❤️

    1. Oh my gosh, Cinn, thank you so much. Yeah it was such a moving experience. Hugs and love xox

  12. Lord, for thy tender mercies’ sake, lay not our sins to our charge; But forgive that is past, and give us grace to amend our sinful lives; To decline from sin, and incline to virtue, That we may walk with a perfect heart before thee, now and evermore.

  13. What’s to be ashamed of? Let that go. You made it to the other side. You’re still here learning, teaching. I never see anything but your smile, and I never hear anything but your story, told in love. You will find the right man who will accept you as you, scars and wounds. He’ll be so enamored of you that he won’t even see them. You have such a beautiful story to tell and you have told it so well here. You teach life lessons as a disciple of Christ. That is powerful and attractive message to the right person. The question is not, “Am I worthy?” The question my dear is “Is this other person worthy of me?” I counsel women whom I befriend, “You are the prize.” Once you internalize that, you self-esteem grows immeasurably. You must surround yourself with people who understand your worth and treat you as worthy. Jesus thinks you’re the prize. That is why he’s given you the gift of insight. God bless you.

    1. Thank you friend. You’re so right – I’ve got to just let it go! And thanks for that beautiful encouragement:) means a lot!! Hugs and love xox

  14. Well said. I think we all struggle with shame. We can drown in it. But most often I find the things that I am ashamed of are the very same things that allow me to connect with others. It is truly how we choose to use our scars. Thx

    1. I think you’re so right about that. Thanks for your kind words and for sharing your heart. Hugs and love xox

  15. So many thoughts on this. Most shocking to me is…what the heck could you have done in the past year that you’d expect the priest to think you’re a monster??? I mean, we all have our moments, but…

    One of my life lessons/sayings is “Everybody is somebody’s jerk.” Me included. My years in undergrad saw insecurity coupled with unexpected success turn me into a real, world-class asshole. But even then I had friends who were very good people. I guess I wasn’t an ass ALL of the time! Have you done something in the last year to be an asshole? Well, everybody is somebody’s asshole at some time. Recognize it, confess it, and let it go. God does. Release the guilt. And kudos to your priest: perfect response!

    Me yesterday and today. I was a picked-on kid. I mentally divorced myself. Pre-high school me was someone else. After that I was another guy. Maybe not too different from your scenario. I refused to acknowledge myself from those years. Eventually I outgrew the self-loathing. Now I have to give “him” his due; he toughed it out, survived, and maybe learned a lesson or two. He ended up being a half-way decent guy – me. I mean, I quit talking to my dad by high school. Hated him. My girls still like to talk to me. I must have done something right, yes?

    Give yourself some kudos for surviving, for letting…no, pleading with Jesus to save you from yourself. He did. You hung in there yourself. That made you who you are today. You’re someone who helps a lot of people, gets a lot of love from your community, and it’s all thanks to asshole Caralyn from before who laid the foundation for BBB Caralyn today.

    I hope this was something you can use. For tonight, there aren’t enough hugs and love I can extend. I still want to wrap you up, kiss the top of your head and tell you you’re fine. All of you. Or should I say both of you?

    1. Hey Jeff!! Thanks so much for this wonderful response. Everybody is somebody’s jerk. Boy isn’t that the truth. But you’re so right – release the guilt. And so true! Everything we go through helps shape who we are today! And yes! You definitely did more than just “something” right!! Thanks for that encouragement. You are generous in your kindness. Thank you Jeff, that seriously means so so much. 🙂 grateful for you! Hope you and Julie have a beautiful weekend! Hugs and love to you both! Xox

  16. You are fortunate to have come through that sad experience and maintained the actor’s physical condition and good looks. God has been good to you! Your mother looks amazing too! 🙂

    1. Hi Ian, thanks so much for your kind words. God has DEFINITELY been good to me! Hugs and love xox

  17. I struggled with shame for a long time (even wrote about it in one of my blogs). I started silently reciting Psalm 103:12, which says, “As far as the east is from the west, so far does he remove our transgressions from us.” Soon I would just say to myself, “As far as the east is from the west . . . .” knowing what the rest was, and then one day it hit me. How dare I not forgive myself when the God of the Universe has forgiven and removed it so far that the east and west are an infinity apart! Who did I think I was that I could hold on to something God has removed from me! That has given me a real sense of freedom, and like you, it took me a long time to tell my story. Keep spreading the Word! Much love to you . . . .

    1. Hi Andrea, thank you so much for sharing your heart. Oh wow – I love love love that psalm, thanks for sharing that. Amen to that!! Hugs and love xox

  18. “In my weakness, He is strong”. “There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are n in Christ Jesus”. “The meek shall inherit the earth”. “Cast your cares on the Lord for He cares for you”. “And when he was a long way off, his father saw him coming and ran to great him”. So many beautiful truths from the Bible to combat any remaining false beliefs (no matter how little or big). The biggest truth on my mind now is this… once God forgives us because of His huge love for us, He chooses to and is powerful enough to forget it. So it is never Him bringing it up again. It n is the enemy that does that to hurt. But we have authority of Christ to say “leave in Jesus’ name” and they have to go. How cool is God to give us all the tools we need and His enormous love for victory!! Praise God! As ever, love you, beautiful! HugsXO 😄❤

    1. Hi Tonya! Yes!! When we are weak, He is strong!! Those are such encouraging verses. And you’re so right! “He choose to and is powerful enough to forget it!!” What a comforting truth. I am so moved by this. Thank you dear friend! Love you! Xox

  19. Caralyn, your post almost brought me to tears. Confession, while practiced differently in the Roman Catholic and Eastern Orthodox faiths than anywhere else in Christianity, is still very important. James 5:16 says, “Confess your faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much.”; I John 1:9 reminds us that, “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.”, and the entire concept of confessing that we are sinners before God.
    While I am not a Catholic priest, as an ordained minister, I have heard the private confessions of people with a need to cleanse their souls and be freed from guilt. I have heard confessions of theft, adultery, even murder and I will tell you that never did I look judgmentally at the person. It is not the job of the person (clergy or not), to do this but to allow the individual who is burdened with sin, however great or however long it has been, to be compassionate and open to allow the repentant individual humbly yet courageously admit fault and failure in his or her ability to be holy and pure.
    That you have not felt comfortable going to confession in your home parish makes some sense but understand also that if you find that you are able to get more comfortable with this, you may also be able to open up to your priest and see him as the spiritual father he is meant to be for you.

    Love and Blessings,
    Rev. James M. Dakis,D.Min
    Jim

    1. Hi Jim! Thanks so much for your thoughtful response! That is such great advice. There is such beauty in confession. And so true! I’m very grateful to have such a wonderful priest! I should definitely continue with confessing to him! Hugs and love xox

  20. My dear friend

    The hard time you had to go through had to be worked out – you noticed: alone it was not possible, as we hide things fearing we can be misunderstood or putting personal things under the carpet so that no one can hurt us – but this all is not a real help: when we are open: to ourselves, to people and to God in us, we can lay everything what bothers us, what tortures us inside, in front of the feet of God (He knows our heart and takes arrangements to dissolve such sufferings) – this is a confession to oneself – we open that outlet and then this burden can leave us – with this opening also honesty goes along with it (in front of ourselves, others and God) – the side-effect of such an opening, confession, allowance to step forward with courage over one’s own fear is that people in similar situations can see their own face in your experience, encouraged to let go their deepest pain and overcome it as you have done as a wonderful help for them. As God is residing in every heart, He can also make us understand through other people (in this case your priest from your parish).

    So thank you very much, my dear friend
    and see that God is working everywhere
    From heart to heart
    Didi

    1. Hi Didi, thank you so much for this wonderful response. You’re so right – we need to just lay it all down at His feet. God IS working everywhere! Amen! Hugs and love xox

  21. The POWER in telling your story! And to tell to a ‘righteous person’ puts the cap locks on the word POWER! ”Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective.” (https://biblehub.com/james/5-16.htm) This was a blessing to read. Continue to share your story!

    1. Hi Lundun! Gosh, thank you so much for this kind and encouraging response! Amen to that! big hugs to you xox

  22. This makes me so excited!! God is definitely inch by inch setting you free and letting you see how He sees you. Thanks for sharing this. His restoration process is devastating and beautiful. He hasn’t brought you this far to only leave you there. You are free but now you’re seeing it.

    1. Thanks so much!! Amen to that – God has been so good to me! Yes – the restoration process is one I am very grateful for 🙂 big hugs to you x

  23. Good morning, Caralyn, Each of us has a powerful story, but most of us do not realize that God’s fingerprints are all over it. It is amazing to hear His voice speak through your words. I am watching His love and healing for the human heart and body through the story that He is writing that is your life. Another great post. Thanks for sharing. Donna

    1. Hi Donna! Thank you so much for this wonderful encouragement. You’re so right – we’ve been given our stories for a reason! God is good! hugs oxox

  24. We all (repeat, all) have fallen short of our best efforts during our lives. But, just like in the story of the Prodigal Son, our Father comes out to meet us on our road back to Him, and He embraces us. Bless.

    1. Hi friend! You’re so right about that – we’re all on our own journeys. And AMEN! That’s what the Father is best at! hugs xox

  25. You brought back a memory of when I’d purposely go to confession to a priest who barely spoke English and always going to another parish. What a beautiful message of Gods love that was shown through your priest. I greatly appreciate you sharing your anorexia experience & recovery. It parallels my alcoholism. I was just sharing with a friend the shame I used to have over my alcoholism, but now I use that to help others. I could go on & on! Thank you for your transparency. Your message is reaching more than you realize. God Bless you 🙏🏼❤️

    1. Hi Lisa! Thank you so much, I’m so glad this resonated with you. And thank you for sharing your story – it’s so beautiful that you’re able to help others with your journey. God has been good to us!! big hugs xox

  26. I love this: All I know is that there is no shame with Jesus. He clears our name and sets us free
    Yes, Jesus sets us free. It is me that is keeping myself imprisoned in the past. I need to quit it or I nullify the work Jesus does for me.
    thank you for this blog post.

    1. Hi Katie, oh good! Thank you so much, I’m so glad this resonated with you! Amen to that – He sets us free! Praise be to God! big hugs xox

  27. Your transparency about your past inspires me to share mine, too. It’s not as dramatic and interesting, but today I was encouraged by you. Thank you.

    1. Hi Jan! Oh gosh, I’m so glad to hear this encouraged you 🙂 So glad you stopped by! big hugs xox

  28. Your past does not define your future but your past has shaped you into the person you are today — a brave, beautiful young woman with her feet firmly planted in the Lord. Stay that way! Ted

    1. Thank you so much 🙂 Gosh, I am so touched by your kind words, Ted. Big hugs to you xox

  29. Battling a eating disorder is difficult but opening up about it is even harder. But you’re a brave women and took that step and you have a beautiful support system. Keeping running to God because He cares for you (1 Peter 5:7). Keep up the good work ♥️.

  30. Battling an eating disorder is difficult and opening up about it is even harder but you are brave and along the way, you found and made a beautiful support system. Continue going to God because He cares (1 Peter 5:7). Keep it up!

  31. Dear sis, even though I have never met you, I am drawn to your courage and resilience and determined efforts. The way you commit to your blog and being so honest and transparent requires such consistency and hard work.

    Faith comes by hearing and hearing by the Word of GOd. (Romans 10:17). As Humans, often times we need to be reminded over and over again that God loves us. The WOrd of GOd is living, and the entrance of His Word brings light to areas of our lives still murky or in the dark. SOmetimes we can read a scripture a hundred times and it can speak to us in a hundred different ways for a hundred different circumstance, Sometimes we get a deeper understanding of the same verse as time passes.

    There is no condemnation to them that are in Christ Jesus (Romans 8:1). Usually we are our own biggest critics. i also need to remind myself of this verse like so many times a day. IF Jesus doesnt condemn me, why do i keep condemning and being so hard of myself.

    so glad u found love and acceptance when confessing to your parish priest!!!n\

    1. Hi friend, oh gosh, thank you so much for this beautiful response, and kind words. You’re so right – there’s something so beautiful about the Scriptures! hugs xo

  32. I’ve been turned down a lot in life for my, lot in life. Sure, we all have at some point. Art, is dealing. Those deep holes that remain like when the waves stir the sand. Letting go, is good. I used to think about what my forever person would be like but now. I’m happy with hot coffee.

    1. You’re so right – letting go is good. Thanks Kenzie, for sharing your heart. There’s a lid for every pot, that’s what my mom always says! 🙂 Hugs and love xox

      1. Nah. Well. You’re mom’s right. I just, feel less and less compelled to play the game. Old books, make better company.

      2. Reading and acting are similar. You disembody. It’s why libraries are quiet like, graveyards. Although, if acting was just like reading it’d be a bore. Which is why, I dislike most NPR and documentaries. They’re, too slow. 😂 What am I? Five.

      3. I found your SoundCloud covers. You’re perfect enunciation limits the um, diva parts? 😂 I don’t know, your range but, it’s what I heard. I have to speak it feels like three octaves higher for people to hear me. I sound, like the wind on windows. Mostly, incoherent.

      4. Sorry. That was probably, creepy. I use SoundCloud, differently. Your name came up in a search string build. Google’s, not mine.

    1. Hi Melinda! Oh my gosh thank you so much:) so glad you enjoyed it! Hugs and love xox

  33. ….1st Timothy 2:5. For there is one God, and one mediator between God and men, the man Christ Jesus; 
    6. Who gave himself a ransom for all, to be testified in due time….

    The only one we should be concerned with concerning confession.

    ….1st John 1:9. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness….

    Confessing to Christ Himself in prayer.
    Because of our faith we have direct access.

    God Bless.

    1. Hi Matthew, what a kind thing to say. And same for you!!! Have a great week. hugs xox

  34. “that this man knew my baggage, and still loved me and saw me as a child of God.” A great statement also about the way Jesus sees us and loves. I’m glad you were able to come face to face with someone with whom you could be honest and open, and glad for the joy it brought. You are doing a great ministry, dear beauty.

    1. Hi Oneta, thank you for this beautiful reflection. Amen to that – Jesus sees us and loves us! hugs xo

  35. I understand your shame, Sister – my past, my present… But I know Jesus and Mary love me. It actually brought on tears earlier today… United in His suffering and New Life, through her love.

    1. Thanks for sharing your heart. Amen to that – We are so incredibly loved, exactly as we are. big hugs to you xox

  36. Beautiful post. So funny too, I was just at a mother’s day luncheon and we were talking about the very subject of confession. I always went to the “private” one where I could not be seen…cudos to you for taking the face to face one!!! And how sweet to feel the love and acceptance…and yes, we sure do all come with baggage in many different shapes and sizes. Blessings!

    1. Thank you so much Jen! Isn’t confession a beautiful thing!? Incredibly hard and humbling…but the afterwards is amazing! hahah happy mother’s day! hugs xo

    1. Thank you Dawn, yes – and we’re on the journey together 🙂 cheering you on, friend. hugs xox

    1. Thank you so much Linda, I appreciate you taking the time to read it! hugs xox

  37. It is so freeing to feel safe enough to share an ugly part of me; the power of my sin breaks in that moment. Thank you for the reminder that ugliness dissipates in the light.

    1. It really is so freeing! thanks so much for sharing your heart and for stopping by! big hugs xox

  38. I find the fact that you felt extremely reluctant to talk about having anorexia offline quite reassuring and reaffirmating. I have a disease known as sickle cell, 2 of my siblings died from that disease. I have been sexually abused by about 13 men when I was still a child or teenager. I used to have nuclear levels of rage over a very small issue. I daydreamed about suicide quite often. And just like you, God delivered me. And I wrote about it on my blog but I didn’t like talking about it offline too. But and this is important, not talking about it in some ways condemn you to continue dealing with the things that you don’t talk about. They OVERCAME by the blood of the Lamb and by the Words of their testimony – Revelations 12:11. You have overcome. Talk about what you overcame. May God be with you and bless you abundantly. ❤️💕💖
    http://insearchofperfecthair.wordpress.com

    1. Hi friend, thank you for sharing your story. Gosh, i am just so sorry for your loss, and that you’re walking through this journey. It breaks my heart to hear that you were sexually abused. You did not deserve that. At all. You are a precious daughter of God and deserve to be protected and cherished. Amen – OVERCAME by His blood. I am so moved by your heart. Praying you, dear friend. And sending you all the love in the world. Hugs and love xox

    1. THank you so much 🙂 Amen – we are never alone. So glad you stopped by. hugs xo

    1. Thanks again Lane 🙂 I really appreciate your support and encouragement to share. It makes the sharing process much less scary!! Hugs and love xox

  39. Learning to love myself has been very difficult and I still struggle doing it because of frequent flashbacks. But I keep telling myself “I love you. I forgive you. Your slate is washed clean”. So I understand much of what you have struggled with. I also remember saying to myself many times “You are damaged goods. No body wants you.” I appreciate so much your honesty. And from my vantage point you are very special, valuable, and worthy. You are extremely wonderful goods and of tremendous value like Proverbs 31 woman. I overcame lifelong clinical depression and being suicidal for most of my adult life. Because of fear and my own stupidity I believed I had AIDS for 13 years back when it first started. Turned out to be chronic fatigue syndrome which I have conquered about 70%. I can say that your posts resonate to me, make me feel not alone, blessed to find somebody that truly understands the hell I lived through. Girl you rock and your ministry is helping me along the way considerably. So don’t believe the lies of the devil. You are perfectly made in God’s image and likeness. Thank you for all of the encouragement and help that you have given to me. God bless you!

    1. Thank you so much for sharing that. Keep telling yourself that – because your slate IS washed clean, and praise God for that! I’m so glad that you’ve resonated with my posts, and I’m so glad you didn’t have AIDS! praying for you, friend. thanks for this wonderful encouragment! hugs xo

  40. These are true words. God is a god of mercy and forgiveness. He may not be able to look on sin, but if we confess our sins to him he forgives. I am not Catholic, so I don’t adhere to the idea of confession to a priest, but I do believe in the power of sharing stories. Keep sharing your own.

    1. Thank you so much – I appreciate your kind words. Sharing stories is definitely important. Hugs and love xox

  41. Hmm wow! So very deep and true. This spoke to me on a very deep course. I need to make peace with my past in many ways. I always say that its dead but I’m I at peace with it being dead? I know God is working with me where that’s concern and how it can be used to witness/ testify to others and I believe he’s already making me use it to led others to know Him, be encouraged etc you know. May He continue to make you bold enough to share your story with others and the world! Blessings & grace.

    1. Thanks Tammy – I’m so glad this resonated with you. Amen! I’m so glad you’ve found that peace too! Hugs and love xox

  42. Beautiful post! Whenever I feel shame get a hold of me, I think of Romans 8:1-Therefore, there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. I also listen to Flawless by Mercyme. “No matter what they say or what you think you are, the day you called His name, He made you Flawless.” Makes me cry everytime!

    1. Oh my gosh thank you so much for these encouraging words! Yes! No condemnation! Amen! Hugs and love xox

  43. I understand not going to confession where you actually attend mass , I alway felt like the priest knew it was me that confessed and I felt like he was looking straight through me . I know .. ridiculous now. I happy you went to your priest. Now feeling a shamed I understand but oh my don’t do that to yourself . You had a illness and yes a battle you will always feel but your way to hard on yourself and when you find that man of yours he will love you and not judge you and he will understand . Hugs girl happy you are opening up besides on social media ❤️

    1. Thanks friend. Yeah – it’s so cool – now when I see that priest I went to confession to, I feel a special connection 🙂 Hugs and love xox

  44. Thank you for sharing.
    The more intimate the setting the more exposed one feels. To undress the soul can feel like standing naked in a crowd.
    Keep up the good work you are doing through this blog.

    1. You’re so right about that – bearing the soul is a scary and yet wonderful thing to do. and until you find the person you feel safe doing that with, then keep looking! haha big hugs xo

  45. You are lovely and deserving of beautiful love. Your posts of late whenever I check them help bring me to peace. May you continue to spread and do G-d’s work and may you go from strength to strength.

    1. Thank you so much, gosh what a kind note of encouragment. Means a lot! hugs xo

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