Live Stream! And Detective Work

Well, the time is finally here! I leave tomorrow for my speaking engagement in Memphis! And I’ve gotta tell ya, I am more excited than ever.

Not that I know what the heck I’m going to wear yet — I mean, what the world does one wear when it’s almost October, and yet 95 degrees!?!

But here’s the SUPER exciting part — my talks are going to be LIVE STREAMED on the internet! SO if you’re interested in tuning it, you can watch my talks HERE!

I’ll be live at 6:30pm CT (7:30 EST) this Saturday, Sept 28th, and at 10:00am CT (11:00am EST) on Sunday, Sept 29th!

I’m going to be honest, writing two 45 minute speeches about my story has been such a revealing exercise for me.

Having to truly go there and coherently communicate, not just a timeline of my past, but the why behind it — let’s suffice it to say that it has been a period of intense self-discovery to say the least. I feel like a freaking detective, to be honest.

I’ve had things come to light and come to the surface — I mean, I thought I knew my story before this — well, let’s just say in having to articulate the inner workings of eating disorders, I have gained an entirely new level of understanding, that I cannot wait to explore more in my writing.

But for now — I want to just leave you with two things I’ve learned during this period of intense self-discovery.

First: When we take the time to really really sift through our past, it turns out that a whole heck of a lot more of it “lines up” than previously thought. There is a “through line” that you can trace back to the very beginning.

Especially as kids, we are incredibly impressionable, to the point that we don’t even realize it. And little things that can seem like normalities at the time can influence the themes that follow us through life — both good and bad. And sometimes it’s more obvious than others.

Just as a personal example, by thoroughly examining my past, I’ve come to realize the degree to which seeking approval has played a role in the direction of my life. Turns out that my acting career as a child played a whole heck of a lot more of a role in my psyche than I had originally thought. I mean, I knew that — it did something – but I see now how it gave me a distorted perception that my worth was performance-based. Which in turn colored my worldview in a lot of long-lasting, and detrimental ways.

But it takes time and substantial emotional effort to be able to decode certain things, and see deeper than surface level memories, into the psyche of what’s driving our subconscious.

Secondly, and lastly, it takes space, distance, and time, but eventually, we can reopen chapters in our lives, and revisit painful times from a healthy place, and be okay.

Maybe you’re a little like me, but I am an expert “bottler.” As in — I like to bottle up painful emotions or memories and throw them out to sea. But it turns out that, revisiting them is possible — it just takes a healthy dose of time and space.

Because with that distance comes a perspective that wasn’t there before. We see things in a new light. We see from a different angle. Which can bring about unforeseen healing and understanding.

And that new frame of mind can be a spring board, that launches us forward. We can turn it around from a dead end of pain, to the starting point of a new beginning.

I am incredibly grateful for this new found awareness I’ve stumbled across.

I guess it just goes to show how God is always at work, transforming us — even the parts of us we think are gone forever.

“This is what the Lord says to these bones: I will make breath enter you, and you will come to life.” Ez 37:5

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115 responses to “Live Stream! And Detective Work”

    • Thank you so much John, I really appreciate your support. Means the world! Have a terrific weekend! Hugs and love xox

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  3. Praying that the Lord will move in a mighty way as you share your story and he will give just the right words. Also, praying that lives will be changed, because of your faithfulness in serving him.

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  4. Praying for you, Caralyn. I know the Lord will be with you and bless each moment… for you and for those He will use you to touch for Him. He knows someone will be there that NEEDS to hear each word… in both speeches. I pray the Lord will allow me the opportunity to listen.
    Thanks for sharing your new insights. Advice to take with me.
    Praying all is well with the family. Send a hi and a hug to your mom! God loves you!
    “I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.” – Philippians 4:13 KJV

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    • Thank you so much Ryan! Oh that is just so great, you rock. And I really appreciate your prayers!!! Hugs and love xox

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  10. So proud of you, beautiful friend! You got this and I will pray for you. Just peace and joy. Embrace what comes and flow. You got this!!! Love you, as always. Hugs! XO😄❤

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  12. Prayers that you will be able to break through any wall of denial people might have erected that prevents them from getting help and may they know that it is possible to be victorious from an ED with Jesus help.
    Blessings to you Caralyn 💙

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  15. Caralyn, God is with you as you travel and speak. This is a new chapter in your life and your life story will inspire and change others for the better.

    I am praying Colossians 2:10-11 and personalizing it for you. “I pray that you, Caralyn, would walk in the ways of true righteousness, pleasing God in every good thing you do, and as you give your testimony in Memphis. Then you’ll become fruit-bearing branches, yielding to his life, and maturing in the rich experience of knowing God in his fullness! And I pray that you, Csralyn, would be energized with all his explosive power (resurrection power making you excellent of soul) from the realm of his magnificent glory, filling you with great hope. Also, I pray that this would be the first of many life giving talks by Carlayn.” Amen

    Love and hugs!

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  16. I’ll be just two hours to your north; wish I could come, but I’ll be vested and busy on the altar here. Somebody in that crowd will need to hear you, and a life will be changed. May all God’s graces be with you– Mike

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  24. Godspeed Caralyn! Praying for God’s peace to envelope you, His strength and courage to shore you up, and His voice and Holy Spirit to anoint you as you speak, and may you also have fun while sharing with these beautiful people! I’ll be watching and I can’t wait to hear all about it! Love and hugs!

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    • Thank you so much Mindy!! Wow this is such a beautiful prayer! I am truly so touched. You’re amazing! Love and big big hugs xox

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  25. I think people should write just for themselves, putting things down on paper (virtually or otherwise) changes the medium and can bring a different angle to the subject as exactly you expounded in this post. dominoes never go into motion without the first one moving… so show the pieces that falling is… ok, what you do with the rest is what matters…

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  28. So it’s tomorrow! Just go for it! Embrace your story ‘cos by doing that you can embrace yourself.
    I was part of a team who gave Personality Disorder Training (to medical staff, police, probation services) and my role was ‘Expert by Experience’ so I talked about self-harm, boundaries, that sort of thing. It can be cathartic so I can understand a bit of how you are feeling right now.
    Clothes?? Always layers. 😀 Whatever you decide – you’ll look beautiful, from the inside out. x

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    • Thank you so much Marilyn for this awesome encouragement. Sounds like a powerful talk! Layers – got it! Hah Hugs and love xox

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  31. Thanks for sharing the experience you went through writing the speeches. It is amazing what we hold inside. Enjoy Memphis; I have never been but it is suppose to be a great place.

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  32. Hi Caralyn! I’m so proud of all your accomplishments and the way you share your faith! You are a wonderful writer! God called it on my heart to share what a local pastor told me before I gave my first testimony at Celebrate Recovery. I was so nervous- would I tell my story so that others would know of the hope and freedom in letting God take over my life? Many other fears but that was the main one. So I spoke to the pastor after church prior to the event, and he gave me this advice- “Just hide behind the cross so others will see Jesus.” Wow! This is written at the top of my notes and I always focus on hiding behind the cross every time I speak. Now I’ve given the testimony 8 times at different CR meetings and God always takes over and speaks for me. I know you will be an inspiration and just know many prayers are supporting you! Annie -DottieJames

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    • Thank you so much for this beautiful encouragement Annie! Gosh I so appreciate your prayers and support. Hide behind the cross so others will see Jesus – WOW!!! That is seriously so comforting! Writing that down!! THANK YOU!! Hugs and love xox

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    • Hi Mary! Oh thank you so much! Yes I’m really excited! Today’s the day!! Have a beautiful weekend. Hugs and love xox

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  35. I’ll defiantly be tuning in. Sad I can’t be there in person. But I’ll be praying for you and wishing you luck on your speech. Love you! 💛

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    • Hmm – I was unaware there was a code! I’ll find out and let you know! I’ll put a direct link on my Instagram on the day! 🙂 Hugs and love xox

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  37. That’s so great that you found that thread running through your life and see that it can change . May God bless your journey and your speaking experience.

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    • Thank you so much!! Yes! It’s really such an invaluable exercise to revisit those chapters and see the common themes. So glad you stopped by. Hugs and love xox

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  38. As a leader in the Celebrate Recovery ministry I’ve heard hundreds of testimonies over the last decade. The mistake too many make is they speak as if they’re talking to one person intimately using their normal voice. It’s important to keep in mind that you are a “public speaker” when you testify and, therefore, you need to speak LOUDLY. The sound engineer can always turn your mike down but it’s very difficult for them to turn you up so address your audience as if you had no microphone at all. I know you’ll do an exemplary job. Of that I’m sure. Speak with authority and boldness. Let Christ’s light shine brightly into the room. God bless you.

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    • That’s really great advice!!! Thank you! Yeah growing up on stage my favorite line I always got was “hit the back of the house!” Haha thanks for the encouragement!!!! Hugs and love xox

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  39. I am so excited this will be live streamed. I am praying for you. God has anointed you for this time. When I speak, I am reminded that God knows who needs to hear certain parts of my testimony. I want to thank you for the transparent reminder that when we reopen closed chapters that it will bring up emotions. I needed that answer to prayer. I know you will do great and cannot wait to hear the praise report and testimony. Thank you for all you are doing to equip the Kingdom of God.

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    • Hi Ada!! Aw thank you so much for your prayers! And gosh you’re so sweet to say that. You’re so right – God will move is the hearts of those that need to hear it 🙂 Hugs and love xox

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  44. Caralyn, you did an excellent job in sharing your story. It’s evident you put your heart & soul in to it. Praise God that you choose recovery every day while doing God’s work. Your anorexia parallels my alcoholism. The isolation is the most dangerous place. I admire that you recognize how to protect your recovery by passing up fashion show tickets. I understand. Because if anything threatened my sobriety, its not even an option. Thanks again for sharing your heart with us. You are doing God’s work ❤️

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    • Oh my gosh thank you so much Lisa for watching! I am truly so touched that you would tune in. Thank you my friend. And thank you for sharing your story. You’re right – there really are so many parallels. And yes! Protecting recovery is the most important thing – aside from God of course!! You are amazing Lisa. Big big hugs and love xox

      Reply

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