I didn’t plan on writing about this today. Frankly, all my mind has been consumed on lately, is the out of control prices at the grocery store, and the soaring inflation that has left me and everyone I know, riddled with concern, and hopeless for the future.
But let’s be honest, dwelling on that is not going to a) make the situation any better, and b) will only add to the worry we all are already feeling.
Instead, I wanted to share something that actually could help to bring a little brightness to a very dark and gloomy world right now.
And that is the phrase that changed my life.
Take a mental trip with me back to inpatient. It was one of my first days there, after I had my “come to Jesus” moment, where I met Him on the floor of the chapel, received His mercy and forgiveness, and the rest is history.
That episode is all well and good, but when the time came for the “rubber to meet the road,” let’s just say turning those notions and good intentions into actual action…that was another tune all together.
Because when it comes to recovery from anorexia, “following through” meant only one thing: I was going to gain weight.
And sure, committing in my heart and mind was one thing. But actually doing the things that were going to make the scale go up was quite another.
Doing things like: eating every meal and every one of the three snacks to completion. Taking all the weight-gaining supplements like Ensure, and Boost…those actions were terrifying. Especially because I had spent the last year “pretending” to drink the Ensures my parents wanted me to drink, and instead dumping them out the window of my car on the way to school, and bringing back the empty bottles.
So let’s just say, I was not real keen on doing the actual things I needed to do, to put on the weight my 78 pound body desperately needed.
Until…I made this one mental shift.
I had been praying for strength to “do recovery.” I couldn’t even say the words: “gain weight” to myself. But I knew that Jesus was with me, and I just asked for strength to “do what I needed to do.”
And in the stillness of the night, as I was falling asleep at the nurses’ station. I had this little small voice utter these two little words: “WHAT IF.”
What if? What if I were to eat everything they placed in front of me…knowing and trusting that God was the one to put it there. What if I were to become curious about the notion of “blossoming” into a womanly figure, instead of being afraid of it? What if I were to tackle the weight gain supplements with a fighting attitude, knowing that my fear was coming from one place, and one place only: the enemy.
What if.
WHAT IF?!
And right then and there, I decided that that was how I was going to do it. I was going to become curious. I was going to treat this whole thing as one exciting “let’s see” situation.
And right then and there — it was literally after midnight, and I guess, sleeping at the nurses’ station had it’s perks. Because I got out of my cot, walked up to the reception desk, and in my PJs, asked the night nurse for a Boost supplement. She looked at me very strangely. Looked at her colleague, and bewildered, gave me a 300 calorie Boost chocolate pudding. I scarfed it down, and asked for another. And to my surprise, she obliged. And afterwards, she said, “You’re the first resident to ever ask for extra supplements.”
And from that moment on, I decided to look at eating, and finishing my plate as a) a way to commit my heart to God, and give every bite to Him, knowing that He was the one putting the things in front of me to eat. And b) as a giant way to fight back against “ED”, with each bite also being a big middle finger to the enemy, as I reclaimed my life, one bite at a time. This bite for having to miss graduation. This bite for robbing me of my passions and having to drop out of drama and sports. This bite for the relationships I threw away.
It was a combo of: the trust that God put the food there to help me and not to harm me; the righteous anger of reclaiming the life ED stole from me; and the curiosity of what would happen if I let recovery run its full course on my body, my mind, etc.
I think that can really be applied to a lot of other things in life, not just recovery. How many things in my life do I let fear dictate my actions on?
Fear is one of the most controlling emotions on this earth, and the enemy not only knows that, but also knows how to capitalize on that.
What if.
At the end of the day, we have a Father who holds us in the palm of His hand. We have a Father who will never let us dash our foot against a stone. A Father who wants a life of abundance for His children. Who will work all things together for good.
We have a Father we can trust. What if we let Him take our life and run with it? What if we let Him be God?
Until next week…
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39 responses to “The Phrase that Changed My Life”
I have a post called ‘What If’…they are very powerful words dear lady 😀 ❤️ 🙏🏽 🦋
thanks Mark. you’re right – they are very powerful words indeed. glad you stopped by. Hugs and love xox
Wow. This is really beautiful. I love asking the question “What if?” God the Father is holding us and that is so amazing. Thank you!
thank you so much Deborah! I really appreciate that. right? He’s holding us and carrying us through this life. a beautiful thought indeed. Hugs and love xox
Beautiful testimony, thank you for sharing. The devil surely harasses with his own “What ifs…what if its cancer? What if he loses his job? Blahblah…”
So good to turn it toward God, ‘what if’ I trusted Him? He promises to see me through! ❤
thank you so much Lisa Beth! I never thought about that, but you’re absolutely right – the enemy can use What If to get to our fear. amen. gotta trust the Father! Hugs and love xox
Glad that you answered your “what if” question so positively.
thank you Ian. Amen to that! I am so grateful to God for seeing me through! i have so much to be thankful for. Hugs and love xox
Magnificent, C! Faith instead of fear. Spoke directly to something I’m currently dealing with. Thanks! Have a great weekend! 🤗🙏💛
Thank you Kenneth! Faith over fear – always! Aw, friend – know that I’m praying for you and pulling for you, whatever you’re going through. Please feel free to email me with what I can specifically pray for you for. sending hugs and love! xoox
Thank you, Caralyn. I’ll do that. 🤗💛
Done. Prayer Request is in the subject line. Thanks,C!
Beautifully written! Thank you for helping me take a look at this step also.
thank you so much! I’m so glad this struck a chord with you! Hugs and love xox
Hmm…
🤔🤔🤔
Just wondering if there’s a “what if” in my life…
My dear, I had to share this on Instagram and tag our church’s student ministry. I bet the “what if” approach would help many of us overcome whatever his keeping us stuck or hopeless.
Hi Jan! Oh my gosh thank you so much for passing this along! I am humbled and honored!! Hugs and love xox
This helped me today, Caralyn. Thank you. I’ve been dealing with some fears of my own and this gave me something to think about. That was definitely the Holy Spirit whispering to you that night at the nurses station. Sometimes, He can be nice and blunt. 🙂
You so beautiful Caralyn
The secret to dealing with out of control inflation is to have a fiancé who is richer than you!😉
Seriously, “What if?” is the biggest two work question out there. The challenge is to decide on a path and take it—no looking back. Action is the antidote to despair.
🙏May God continue to bless you and your special gentleman—inflation or not!
“a big middle finger to the enemy” – Haha! I’m going to carry that one with me from now on! Not against people, of course, just against the real enemy promoting the problem, whatever form the problem takes. Thank you!
The struggle is real. Step out! Thanks for sharing this insight.
So powerful! Thank you for this encouragement! 🦋
Very inspiring post! Thank you.
The fact that you finally asked Jesus for the strength really stuck out for me. Until I prayed for Him to give me the power to repent, to obey, and to trust I was relying on my own strength to recover from my addiction to porn. I found out that “ask and you will receive” isn’t just a slogan. It’s the truth. God bless.
Little sister first thank you for being willing to be vulnerable. I prayed for the Lord to use your post to reach other who are suffering.
What if is a phrase that we can use to turn to God if we ask, what if God did this, or what if God helped etc.
REALY loved tis article, Caralyn! It reminds me of being told the morning aftr my double bypass that they weren’t going to hell me to the step-down unit. I had to walk there. Took me a minute to realize they were serous. So there I went looking like a cyborg from a science fiction movie with tubes protruding from me in places I hadn’t discovered yet! Finally settled in my bed, a therapist gingerly told me I should try to walk around the circular unit once, maybe twice a day. My reply? “Once or twice! Screw that! What’s the record!!” Point being that if walking was the key to discharge, I was going to wear out the carpet. And what if I did?
What if, looking in hope for what God will do, and throwing out the “what if’s” that can lead our thoughts down hopeless avenues. It is all in our perspective. I see you growing in your heart for God and the things He loves, and it is a beautiful thing. Keep pursuing the King. ~Linda
Thank you so much for sharing this vulnerable story and such a valuable lesson too! 💗💗💗
A very wonderful and reinforcing post. Faith is indeed the most powerful asset we possess. Thank you for sharing your story.
Very happy and grateful for your graces received!
thank you again! Hugs and love xox
Carolyn, it’s interesting to me that a few bloggers I lost touch with years ago have returned. I’m so grateful for that. I know it’s not a coincidence. Thanks for stopping by recently. I just listened to your story and when you wept, so did I. Our stories are different and yet so much the same. I have felt for a while, God is moving me into a place where He can use my story to help others. That has been a long road. You’ve given me a little push here to keep going. In the end, as you say so beautifully, it’s not about us but about what Jesus can do through us. I wanted to say thank you. (And that I can hear Him saying to you, “Well done good and faithful servant!”) 🙂
Deb
aw, Deb, thank you so much, my friend. That means so much that you would watch my video…thank you. Your story is absolutely worthy of being told, and I will be praying for you as He gives you the opportunity to use it! Hugs and love xox
Wow! Amazing story 🤩
Also love your quotes (in the boxes)
I am so glad you chose life 😍
Thank you for your courage and for sharing your story to encourage others ☺❤
Keep fighting the good fight sis 🤩💖
I love that you are being vulnerable about your addiction. It is in sharing that we heal. Writing and speaking about our pain and triumph is a noble and worthy calling that brings healing not only to us but to those who identify and connect with our story. Keep up the great work.
Shawn.
thank you so much Shawn – that really means a lot. truly. Hugs and love xox