Hello friends and happy Monday!
I just got back from my dress alteration fitting, and I am just feeling allll the feels!
Last week I had my hair and makeup trial. I finally decided on my shoes. And now my dress is all ready to go. I am just so excited to walk down the aisle already!! (and for Steven to see my in my dress!)
I was wondering…would it be fun for you if I shared some of the dresses that I tried on but DIDN’T pick? Hmmm…I will mull that over. Because let me tell you, wedding dress shopping in NYC was so much fun…especially Kleinfeld’s! I tried on some gowns that were literally straight off of the fashion week runway — one of them was GOLD!
Anyways…if that’s something that would be of interest, I would love to share.
So. This past weekend, Steven had his bachelor party, and I had my second bachelorette party in Ohio!
Steven was in Tulum, Mexico with eight of his best friends and cousins. And from the snippits of what I’ve heard, it sounds like they had a blast!
Meanwhile, here on the homestead, my amazing sister-in-law (who was unable to come to my bachelorette party in Miami because her twins were having surgery) threw me the most beautiful bachelorette party in Downtown Cincinnati!
Oh my gosh it was such a fun night! Complete with a beautiful dinner, private wine tasting, and of course, dancing!
I can’t believe how blessed I am to have such wonderful friends, truly. I don’t think my heart has ever been so full than it is right now.
But anyways, we ate dinner at the beautiful Lytle Park Hotel — which was just recently named one of the Top 500 Hotels in the world by Travel + Leisure! We ate at their gorgeous restaurant, Subito. Followed by our wine tasting at the Carriage House at Saeso. Talk about a gorgeous spot! Oh my gosh.
But I’ve got to say. I experienced something a little strange that night. I was, of course, wearing your classic “bachelorette garb” — I had a fun veil and tiara, and then a sash that said “Bride to Be” — so clearly…I was getting married.
But several times throughout the night, I would be walking and some older man would call out “Don’t do it!” or “Do you really want to do it?” or “Think twice about getting married!” Now, don’t get me wrong, I also got a lot of “Congratulations!” from strangers I didn’t know. But those negative comments were definitely a surprise! Not that they had any impact on the fabulous evening…but I’ve found myself thinking about how sad it is that those older men would have such a sour knee-jerk reaction to the sight of someone getting married.
You know there’s a really sad saying that’s going around that if you get married in your thirties, that you’ve statistically avoided your first divorce. Which — is really terrible. But also, it sounds like those men’s bitterness at the thought of marriage stemmed from the fact that perhaps they were either miserable in theirs, or had a bad situation that ended in divorce. Or who knows. I can only pray that whatever hurt or pain that caused them to speak out in that way can be brought to Jesus and be healed.
But, like I said, those comments were just blips on the radar.
I also had another interaction that night that will stick with me for a long time.
We were in the little back area of Bar Saeso. And being such a large group of girls, we took up a bit of space, and our noise and energy…were on a bit of a different level than the other patrons. haha
But there was this beautiful couple who were sitting at a little table in the back area who were clearly on a date. And, feeling a bit like we were crashing their date night, I struck up a conversation with them.
And we ended up talking about marriage advice…because when you’re wearing a veil and a tiara the conversation inevitable shifts to wedding talk.
But they shared with me how they had been married for six years, and were on one of their standing date nights.
And one of the things that this woman said was so poetic and beautiful, so I wanted to share it.
She said, “Don’t be afraid to write your own love story.”
She expounded that a lot of different people are going to have a lot of different ideas about how your marriage should look or work or play out, and at the end of the day…their opinions don’t matter. It’s your marriage: between the two of you. So don’t be afraid to live your love and build your marriage in the way that is right for he and I.
She said it more eloquently than I am recounting…I was, as you can imagine, multiple glasses of wine deep, so the word-for-word details are a little fuzzy. But it was just really meaningful the way she spoke.
She also shared many of the “trusty reliables” that Steven and I have received about marriage: the importance of communication. The importance of continuing to date one another, especially once kids are in the picture. She said to do a lot of traveling before you have kids, because children definitely change the dynamic. To not go to bed angry. And also, to not take one another for granted: because they are waking up and choosing you every day, as you are them…which is a powerful thing, no matter which way you slice it.
But that conversation with them was such a breath of fresh air! They were so in love, and you could tell that they both cherished these date nights just the two of them.
So anyways. I would love to hear any marriage tips, advice or insight that you have for Steven and I! We are so open to hearing all the wisdom, because we’re in it for the long haul, and are hungry to know all the things that we will need on our journey 🙂
So anywho, that’s all for tonight. I’ve got to go work on our wedding “newspaper” which we will be putting in the gift baskets in the hotel rooms of our out of town guests!
Talk to you soon!
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36 responses to “Why So Bitter?”
Wise words: “Don’t be afraid to write your own love story.”
Thank you David – I agree – she was really sharing some powerful things that night! Hugs and love xox
To paraphrase the Bible passage about wives obeying husbands and husbands practicing sacrificial love – marriage is not WIIFM (what’s in it for me) but it’s WIIFY (what’s in it for YOU). If each keeps working towards the other happiness, each will find their own.
WIIFY! oh my goodness, i love that! thank you Jeff! You’re right – working toward the other’s happiness. that is a beautiful thing – and definitely is a reflection of God’s love! hope you’re having a great week so far! Hugs and love xox
So far so good. Very glad wedding plans are moving along well. I’m working on a couple articles about somethings I’ve run across recently. I hope you and Steven will have a chance to look at them when I post them. Maybe even talk about them. Hugs & love back to you!
yes! i look forward to checking it out with him
Your love story will be beautiful…and you’re a fabulous writer! For every time you say “I love you” to each other, follow it with “I will never leave you.” May you and Stephen be blessed to share that couple’s advice someday to other future brides and grooms!
i love that follow up! such a reassuring thing. thank you for your kind words! Hugs and love xox
Your photos are so beautiful, Caralyn! I am sincerely happy for you guys!
I am so glad that you disregarded what the older fellas said, shame on them. Fact: I am three-times divorced and will never, ever say anything like that to people who are getting married. So incredibly rude, just tell them congrats and leave it at that. Just because some folks aren’t meant for marriage (like me) is not an okay to be rude. God bless! 🙏🏻❤️☺️
I would love to see the gowns you didn’t pick! And my main advice for marriage is definitely communication. Don’t assume your other half knows what you’re thinking or what you want. Verbalizing details goes a long way in understanding. And always let them know how much you love and appreciate them. Sometimes things get so busy on a daily basis one can forget the little things, but the little things are very important. 💕
Oh miss Caralyn it’s been such a joy to see you, to witness this beautiful journey to fulfilling your hearts desire.
May you and Steven have many, many years together.
There’s always another view, another take on the comments of others – these comments bespeak a deep woundedness and hurt, that is more frequently overlooked in typically male bravado or insensitive comments.
As an oldlywed I concur, write your own story. Remember there are three of you writing: Steven, you and God, all working together to create a life and story of depth and beauty. Someone referenced Paul’s words in Ephesians that in depth and context is the loving one another as Christ loved the Church – Jesus loves her from death into Life. Love each other into Life, the Resurrection. Love each other through the hard times. Hold each others hands when it’s not easy.
Praying for you both as you come to the end of single life, celebrate the Sacrament of Matrimony and begin your life together in a new and holy way.
Read “A Severe Mercy” out loud together; an amazing true love story of Sheldon and Davy Vanauken, of “inloveness”, pain and victory in Jesus.
I recommend reading a page or two each and turning it over to the other.
❤️&🙏, c.a.
I haven’t visited in quite a while (personal issues where blogging & visiting other blogs fell by the wayside awhile); congratulations! I am so happy for you. I started following when this blog was “young”; you had just started it. I am amazed at how far you have come. We have never met but Steven sounds like quite a catch, and I hope he knows how special a lady he is getting. May God bless you, your marriage, and the life you build together!
[…] Why So Bitter? […]
thank you tonya for the link up! Hugs and love xox
Congratulations Caralyn! Don’t worry about people like that. They are what we like to call “dream-killers.” Nobody likes a dream-killer. They try to drag everyone else down to their lowly lives. Just keep Jesus at the center of your marriage and you’ll do fine.
Reid
1. Find a hobby you share and keep sharing it. 2. Make a budget together and stick with it, allowing each a little freedom built in. 3. Never a negative word to each other. Vow to rephrase it to positive. Ex: not “you never…”, but this: “I really appreciate your consideration, would you please be willing to…” 4. Agree now on topics too personal to get others involved in because family and friends can mean well but they can also screw up intimacy. 5. Prqy and read Bible and go to church together regularly and often.😃❤️
oh my gosh Tonya, these are such great pieces of advice! especially the hobby! i love that! amen to that – rephrase into positive thing! passing this along to steven!! so great! thank you! Hugs and love xox
Praise God!! The thought and intentionality you are putting into prevention will keep you strong. Close to God and loving His way is key. God will help you. Praise God!😃❤️
Amen Sister in JESUS and Goodnight YAWN!!
Love <3 Always and Shalom, YSIC \o/
Kristi Ann
amen to that! thanks Kristi Ann! Hugs and love xox
Never assume you know what the other is thinking/wants. Talk about it. Yes, do travel a lot if you can before kids and create those memories of precious times together but then if you’re blessed to have kids, travel with them too. You’ll create new precious memories and open up their world. Congratulations on your upcoming nuptials. Marriage is such a blessing. It does take work and there will be hard times but it’s so worth it.
that is such a great tidbit of wisdom! I have learned the hard way that assuming is definitely not my strong suit. Amen – talking about it! I love the thought of traveling with kids! I was blessed growing up that my parents included us in their travel plans so I got to experience some really spectacular places! To this day, my family has a standing ski trip where we all ski together…because we learned how to as children on ski trips we took as a family! you’re right – a blessing indeed! i can’t wait! thank you for stopping by! Hugs and love xox
Marriage is a big deal, but it shouldn’t drastically change your relationship. Does that make sense? Sure, you’ll be official in the eyes of the church, ‘know’ each other as husband & wife, and change the way you file taxes. Maybe there will be a name change and some family planning. But it still Caralyn and Steven. You’ve build a foundation already with the love you share as you navigate life together as a couple. That foundation is strong and serves as the base for everything in the future. Enjoy a new dimension to your loving relationship. Try not to get fixated on how everything is supposed to change. Relax and enjoy yourselves!
~ Sloane
Thank you Sloane for this wonderful advice. you’re right – the foundation we’ve already build is the foundation we will build upon. Such a great thought! amen! Hugs and love xox
Congratulations! We’ve been married since forever and we’re celebrating an anniversary next week. Just put Jesus first and everything else has a way of working out. 🙂
oh my gosh congratulations on your love story! that is beautiful! happy early anniversary! and amen to that — Jesus in the center of our relationship and the rest will fall into place! Hugs and love xox
Sounds like you’ve gotten a lot of “long run” advice which is helpful. But in my experience, I’ve learned that marriage is a lot like being in recovery. You must take it “one day at a time.” That means keep it in perspective. The world and the devil who runs it will do everything he can to bring about discord, doubts and irritations into your union. That’s why every day you both must remember and cherish your vows. Whatever happened yesterday is gone. Forgive, and make the new day a bright one by keeping Christ on the throne of your marriage.
Thank you Rollie! Yes! what a powerful analogy…one day at a time. i love the thought of keeping it all in perspective. yes – what happened yesterday is gone! thank you for this beautiful advice! Hugs and love xox
Wow! That sounds like such a fun time! I love that one couple gave you some great advice! When I got married, I was 21. My step-grandma, said to me, “Why do you want to get married? Sure the sex is great, but go travel! I’ll pay for it!” I can count on one hand how many times I’ve seen her in person. It was such a weird thing coming from her. I didn’t really hear negative advice before I got married. The “negative” that I encounter with other people, is they are usually teasing. Take it with a grain of salt. You are not them. You and Steven will create magic together. Like she said, you will make your own love story. Everyone’s is different! It’s ok to be different.
thank you Rachael for sharing that! and for the encouragement! magic together…i love that thought! 🙂 Hugs and love xox
“Choose thy love. Love thy choice.” We were given this cross stiched and framed. Simplistic. But I’ve found it to be uber profound.
oh I love that, Ivan. thank you for sharing! profound indeed! Hugs and love xox
I’d like to echo what rollieanderson said above. Don’t forget to live it one day at a time. Your marriage will look different when you have been married 10, 20, or more years than it will at first. And that should be a good thing. As you go through different stages of life, you will each have different needs. But, if you build a good foundation in your marriage, you will know there’s nobody else you want with you at each stage.
Also, make sure you make each other laugh. Have your own inside jokes. Have fun together.
I would love to see the dresses you didn’t pick! I watch Say Yes to the Dress whenever I see it listed in my TV Guide. It’s a fun show, even if I wouldn’t be caught dead in most of the dresses the brides try on. They have a lot of beautiful dresses, regardless of my personal preferences.
Even though I’ve never been married, and have no desire to be married, I do have some idea of what it takes to sustain a good, happy, and godly marriage. First, make sure you maintain good communication between the two of you at all times. That means practicing things like not going to bed angry (Psalm 4:4, Ephesians 4:26), and having a regular (like weekly) date night over the long term.
Second, and probably most importantly, have a consistent prayer and regular Bible study time together between the two of you as part of keeping Jesus at the center of your relationship. Make it a habit of sharing with each other what God is showing you from His Word during your daily reading and study times.
Those are the two things I came up with, and I think they’re the most important things. I come from a hugely dysfunctional family, so my ideas of what to do to make a good marriage are more along the line of what NOT to do.
I’ve been following your blog for awhile, and have always enjoyed reading your posts. I’m very excited now that you’re getting married, and I’ll continue following your progress with great interest. I’ll be praying for you and Steve, for the wedding, and for God to use your marriage to witness His love, grace, mercy, and saving power to a lost and dying world!
P.S. I also love what the guy above suggested: laugh often, and make each other laugh. It says in Proverbs, “A cheerful heart is good medicine…” ~ Proverbs 17:22a, NLT.
My bride and I will hit 33 years this coming weekend, and here is my advice: Don’t let disillusionment take you by surprise. Everything is new and fresh now, but the infatuation you hope will last forever will not. You will absolutely become disappointed one day in the way the things have become stale. The key is to work through that time together.
Too many (like the bitter commenters) get to this stage and either quit or resign themselves to being singles in the same house. But love is a daily decision, and so long as both of you are willing to make that decision every day (even when it’s hard) and make the effort to do the things that make the other feel safe and loved, you will forge a marriage that most others will wish they had.