This Might Piss People Off

Growing up, I always knew three things:

  1. Wearing a gray shirt washed me out (I would proclaim this as a “fashion conscious” and unapologetically precocious 7 year old)
  2. We had to go to church on Sunday.
  3. My father was a good man.

Those were mainstays in my life. How those things morphed into a life threatening case of anorexia is beyond me, but that’s not what this post is about.

Growing up in the suburbs of Ohio in the nineties, things were pretty…normal. (Well, aside from a professional acting career.) But I played in the woods, listened to Hanson, had sleepovers, and never had anything to worry or be afraid of.


Every night, when my dad would come home from work, we would always play this game: I would always hide underneath the kitchen table, and he’d pretend to not know where I was. And then I’d pop out and he’d be so excited and happy to see me. Looking back, I just remember feeling so delighted in. So loved. Cherished, in every sense of the word.

He was (and is) a good man.


This election has brought about a lot of ugliness on both sides. A lot of name calling. Gross generalizations. I’ve written about it. You’ve commented on it. Okay. No need to rehash.

But if there’s one thing that really saddens me, is the rhetoric about white males – we don’t have to go into detail, but it rhymes with shmeshoginistic, shmomaphobic, and shmite shupremecist.

And I’m going to be really honest, last night, I cried myself to sleep thinking about how my father must feel, having all these horrendous names and gross generalizations being tossed around about, in particular, white, Christian males from the Midwest. And how, he just has to take it.

So instead of making this political or defensive or anything like that, I wanted to honor my father, and share a few lessons that he’s taught me.


1) Give to the less fortunate. 

Growing up, my family never discussed finances. But we did discuss charity. And the importance of it.

It was never seen as something to be dreaded or an obligation, but rather, a joy. A opportunity to share God’s love through the resources we’ve been entrusted with. I remember growing up he funded a “tin roof” village in Nicaragua, he built a well that supplied fresh and clean water to a community in Guatemala, he *secretly* paid the salary of a worker at our church, financially supported missionaries, gave of his time for free on the executive boards of charities and pregnancy centers. Giving was in his blood. Never a burden. Always a joy.

And he instilled that in his family. My brother spent a year after college volunteering with the Jesuit Volunteer Corps. My other brother’s life work is providing and creating dignified and individualized home healthcare centers for the elderly. My mom built houses in Nicaragua and gave english lessons to a refugee woman from Afghanistan.

Dear Media: this man is not greedy or a xenophobic bigot.

2) Respect all people, and behave inclusively.

My dad, being the business man that he was, was ahead of his time in how he conducted his company. Back in the early nineties, long before it was “cool,” he would go out of his way to empower women in the workplace and remove any and all “glass ceilings” in the company.

He instilled in my brothers and I that all people, no matter of gender, color of skin, religion, sexual orientation, nationality – every person deserves respect and has an undeniable dignity as a person. There is zero tolerance for anything less than that. Zero.

Dear Media, this man is neither mysognistic or racist.

3) Family first, always.

There was no sporting event, dance recital, play, parent-teacher conference, or family dinner that my dad missed. We joke that he’d literally change clothes in the bushes to make it to my brothers’ football practice after work at the office. (He was their little league assistant coach). He turned down job promotions that would have moved our family to the Philippines, Germany, China. Don’t get me started on the dedication he had to helping me heal from my anorexia and ulcerative colitis.

The man sacrificed his time, his energy, his life, really, for his family.

Dear Media: this man is not a ruthless capitalist.

4) Let your actions do the evangelizing.

Which, hah, I’m realizing that with this blog I’m literally doing the opposite…

My dad never forced his (very strong) religious beliefs upon anyone. He taught us that we should show our love for the Lord in how we treat people. In the words we speak. In the way we respect the poor and disenfranchised. In the way we stand up for the kid in the lunchroom who is being bullied.

So, I guess, consider this post my standing up for my father. Because he, like many other silent but strong men, he hears the jeers, the jabs, the jarring generalizations and stereotypes being perpetuated about white, Christian males, by the mainstream media and uttered by people who are hurt and angry about the outcome of the election.

I understand, emotions are heightened, and there are perceived concerns/fears, but as my father taught me, before one speaks, one should consider a) is it true, b) is it necessary c) is it kind?

Because there are a lot of men having to just take it, because heaven forbid a white male stand up for himself.

He is not any of the ___”ist” words being hurled like grenades. He has spent a lifetime earning his credibility and I’m going to defend the upstanding man who raised me.

Ok, for fear of going “too far” I’m going to sign off here.

I hope this comes across as it was meant.

Here’s to all men of every race, color and creed who exemplify the values that we millennials need to look up to. Thank you for being everyday heroes.

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437 responses to “This Might Piss People Off”

  2. Great post and I am happy to know you are your father’s daughter! Parents (besides God and life lessons) are what make us who we are, and to honor them is not only biblical, but just…right.

    Although I voted probably differently than you by the looks of it, I too live in the Midwest (Indiana, right across from you actually!), and as a minority, I can say that there are a lot of…those cleverly named individuals that happen to be white in the Midwest. You probably read my post (or two), but I have experienced it.

    However, I agree with your sentiment that there are is a lot of rhetoric of over generalizations of Caucasian people. My parents are white because I’m adopted, and they are far from white supremacist, misogynistic people haha! I think that’s why the most important thing that we all do, regardless of party, is have dialogue. REAL dialogue, like you and I are having now, to understand each other. 🙂

    Yes, there are real people and minorities hurting and being hated on/vicitmized by white people. But so too, there are minorities that are unfairly hating on/victimizing white people as well. I think we can all agree though, that the key is education and understanding on both sides–and that we are all red blooded, God created people.

    Great post and I loved reading it! Sorry for the long comment heh.

    Reply

    • Thank you so much for this thoughtful response. First of all, I am so sorry that you personally experienced ill-treatment. That breaks my heart and I hope you know that you did not deserve that. And secondly, I so agree with you that REAL, honest dialogue is absolutely the key, and I thank you for seeking to understand and being willing to listen with compassion and love and respect. You exemplify exactly what our country needs. Thanks again 🙂 big big hugs to you friend xox

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    • Thank you so much for this response. I so agree, we are all people through and through. What matters is the heart: how we treat others with respect, how we love one another. Thanks for the encouragement . hugs xox

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  5. I read the title and was already pissed off. 😉 No but, yeah, the media isn’t doing anyone much service by bashing on white males because they’re not all terrible people. Nice post!

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  6. This is really cool. Thanks for sharing this. It makes me sad as a woman to hear other women hate on men, or men hate on themselves. One guy recently said to me that he recently realized that it’s possible to be sexist to a man. I just wish there was more of a balance.

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    • Thank you so much Ana. I appreciate it so much. Yeah, I just wish we could treat one another with respect. And that we could see one another through “love goggles” haha thanks for stopping by. hugs xo

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  7. What a beautiful anthology to your father in prose. I hope he reads this and knows that you and your family appreciate the honourable dedicated loving man he was and is. There are many that can’t make this kind of claim, and that saddens me. Your father changed and influenced hundreds of lives along the way. Though they may not have said so or even thanked him for all he has done for women, family, co workers, friends, he undoubtedly changed the lives of many, steering others along a gracious and noble path. Your words do him credit and you as well, and I for one, thank you for sharing your thoughts and affection as there were many of us who did not have this kind of an upbringing, or caring father.

    Reply

    • Thank you so much for this kind response. Yeah, I sent it to him this morning and he said he was incredibly touched 🙂 You’re right, he really was an agent of love and respect. And I definitely do not take for granted how tremendously blessed I was to have a kind and loving father, because you’re right – sadly that is not the case for every, which breaks my heart. I thank you for stopping by and taking the time to craft such a thoughtful response. Big hugs xo

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  8. Beautiful post! I have also shed many tears this year for husbands, fathers, brothers, the men of this country we used to call, “salt of the earth.” I married a good one, a hard worker, but he’d give you the shirt off his back. It’s totally broken my heart to see him and men like him, so disrespected, so despised.

    I don’t think we’re alone, a whole lot of women really wrestled with this election, stuck somewhere between the truth about the men we know and love, and the narratives being put forth by the media. It was a real act of love, not of hate, for many of us to vote the way we did.

    Reply

    • Thank you so much for this. You’re right, it breaks my heart about the rhetoric being thrown around. Yeah, I agree – it was a tremendously difficult election for a lot of reasons. Now we can just pray for our country, its healing, and our new leader 🙂 Thanks for your kind words and encouragement. it means a lot! hugs to you friend xox

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  10. Great post. Unfortunately so much of who we are is tied up into the us vs them mentality. No matter who “us” or “them” is. Really just makes people feel better about themselves, having another “them” to scapegoat and send into the wilderness with all their sin and anger. Can be cathartic on a personal level, but always divides groups against each other.

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  12. Thank you, from one of the much-loathed heterosexual, Caucasian, Judeo-Christian males of European descent; a “deplorable”, if you will! I believe the values demonstrated by your dad are the hallmark of Western society; values that are universal, regardless of sexual preference, race, religion, sexual identity, etc.

    Preach it!

    Reply

    • Thank you so much for your kind words. Yeah, I would have to agree – his leads by example and I look up to him so much. From one “deplorable” to another 😉 thanks for reading and writing such a thoughtful response! hugs xo

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  14. Beautiful tribute to your father and white males everywhere! The pendulum really has been swinging the other way the last several years. I love this, great insight. So warm and earnest.

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  15. Superlative tribute to your father specifically, and to all men (even white males lol) of upstanding character and integrity. Very well written with a much-needed, balanced perspective! As one of those men, I want to personally thank you! Blessings!

    Reply

  16. Not gonna say much–but anyone who says that about your father, needs to look at you and realize that any father who has you for a daughter could not possibly be any of those things. You are the best thing he has to show he’s a great man and a great father.

    ~Tom

    Reply

    • Oh I do! I am so grateful for him. I know that sadly, not everyone was blessed with such an upstanding man, so I definitely do not take that for granted. Thank you for your kind words. Big hugs xox

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  18. If only the POTUS elected would have listened to what your father said ” before one speaks, one should consider a) is it true, b) is it necessary c) is it kind?”, we would not have this situation here today. It is difficult to brush everything he said as just politics.

    I only hope someday my daughter would have something nice to say about me. Kudos to you.

    Reply

    • haha, true that 🙂 Thank you for this. Yeah, my father does have some pretty solid life advice. Thanks for stopping by and for your thoughtful response. (and ps I know she will 🙂 ) hugs xox

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  20. Dear Caralyn, very pleased to know your father. You have every right to defend him. I think he’s no less than awesome. Kindly send my honor & regards to your father & your family. My lesson learned from this post, before you speak, think of it first, is it true, is it necessary, is it kind… I think this post is a gem for every man/man-to-be (boys, teens, young men). Thank you.

    Reply

    • Thank you so much. I absolutely will:) yeah, that little nugget of wisdom needs to be tattooed on my forehead haha thanks for your kind words, it really means a lot. Big hugs to you xox

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  22. It never crossed my mind to group all successful white males with trump. I suppose being from the uk I’m removed from the situation so I haven’t seen this reaction. I don’t see how a man such as you’ve just described could even vote for a man such as trump so why people would tar them with the same brush is beyond me. Xx

    Reply

    • Thank you so much for this reflection. It’s so interesting to hear how the election and its ramifications have made their way “across the pond” 🙂 Yeah, generalizations are often hurtful because they don’t take the individual into account. thanks so much for stopping by! big hugs xox

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  25. You father taught you some important lessons. I know he loved you dearly because the lessons he taught you are critical for survival. I like the one about being generous and helping others. There is so much fulfillment and happiness that comes from extending yourself. This election has had a horrible effects on society, but people who have cultivated a positive and decent heart will not turn to accepting hatred as a way of life. Thanks for sharing and let’s pray for the strength to cope.

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  33. Dear Carolyn , You are my favourite person EVER! Yes I don’t always agree with everything I read on the internet but with your work I take notice. You write with grace and wonderfully beautifully intelligence. You said something in the beginning of your blog and I feel I now must share a secret with you. However I don’t want to publicize it for the world to see because it’s a secret that I have just for you… I say this because I love OHIO too as I visit there very often. I have a very special reason I travel to Ohio.

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  36. No getting pissed off here. You are a beautiful person, inside and out, and your father is a lucky man to have you hold him in such high regard. Thank you for always finding the beauty in this ugly world. My father taught me many of the same values and I am going to call him tomorrow (he is in bed already) and thank him for those life lessons. Thank you!

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    • Haha thank you so much! Seriously though, Dwight, thank you. I really appreciate this kind and thoughtful reflection. I feel incredibly lucky to have him as a dad. Sounds like you’ve got a great “old man” too:) haha early to bed early to rise! Makes a man healthy…. wish I followed that advice 😂😂😂 Hugs and love xox

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  39. Words, words, words. But yours are not just words, indeed they are lovelets, thought-provoking, caring, comforting and balanced. I learned a long time ago that some hurtful words pierce our hearts and sting the soul. Although forgiveness may be sought later, it sometimes cannot be found (for example Book of Hebrews 12:17). So…thank you for the effort at soothing our damaged spirits after this terrible campaign and current crime wave disguised as protests.

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  40. I have an acquaintance who still maintains that to have voted for Trump you must be a racist. I don’t. bother arguing with him because if you haven’t realized that’s not true by now, you’re too far gone.

    Look, I get it… Trump PROBABLY isn’t a good person. He is everything wrong with capitalism rolled into one dumpy, smug body. But the people who voted for him (most of them, anyway) are just tired of being treated like they’re less of a citizen. Of course it doesn’t help that his victory pushed the worst people to the front of everyone’s attention but that’s always what happens. We like to pretend that the world is made up of extremes. ALL Christians are against gay marriage, ALL black people hate you for being white, ALL liberals want to take your rights away, etc.

    I almost wish we could go back to a world without Twitter and Facebook. When I was young people still argued over politics but there was way less blatant lying going on. These days everyone believes all those crazy news stories that their out of touch grandmother posts.

    Reply

    • Thank you so much for this reflection. You’re right-the generalizations need to stop. We’ve got to start treating each other with the love and respect we all deserve. So glad you stopped by. Hugs and love xox

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  43. You go, girl! Thank heaven for dads like yours–and mine! Good guys being like Jesus no matter what anybody else says. Thanks for standing up for the truth about good men.

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  44. Well said, and I completely agree. Love your post, and just want you to know, when I get a moment to pull over on the side of road to catch a breath; I always seem to find you on my email. I read, laugh, and feel refreshed, for that thank you!

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  45. Love love love this!! Knowing some beautiful white Christian males myself (mainly my husband) I also have been saddened by the guilt being put on white males just because they are white males… it seems they are copping the brunt of guilt and shame from every quarter and it is not fair and it is not right. Your father sounds like a wonderful and decent man- God bless him and others like him! 😘😘

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    • Thank you friend. Very very true. Yeah he’s an incredible father and I feel blessed to be his daughter. I wish people would see each other through god’s eyes! Hugs to you friend!

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  48. I believe any type of generalization is unfair. For one/more bad person we should not call the entire country with bad name, nor the entire group of gender, nor the entire set of color or anything. It is the ungoodness only that needs to b addressed, for we all to some portion have flaws. Above all God prescribes in all scriptures- to Love all. To not backbite or slander. To look for not others faults but our own first.
    Recognizing spiritual maladies is important to transform it into goodness. See if we destroyed the entire orchard while weeding what would it bring?
    U know..:)

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  49. My dear friend what a prefect way to honor your father. If anything I try to teach people is the value of sacrificial love, and doing random acts of kindness. Saying one is a Christian and not having the works to back it up and visa versa is much to big a problem today. As a white male clergy member in the South I get looked on with adoration from most people, there are the few that look at me and don’t respect me or the Collar at all (now I can careless if they don’t respect me, but I do care about the disrespect to what this Collar signifies). It’s time we stop this big temper tantrum and turn to our neighbors of all pigments and embrace them, for after all there is only one race and that is the Human Race!

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    • Thank you so much for this kind reflection. Yeah he’s a great man. Than you so much for giving your life to the Church. What an incredible gift you’ve given. Amen to that-we are all god’s children and members of the one human race. I appreciate your reflection Father! God bless xox

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  51. Excellent post my dear! Your dad is the real deal. This is a great tribute to your dad and to the importance of good fathering (and mothering by proxy). As the white, blond, blue eyed president of the Charles Hodge Society at Princeton Seminary (an evangelical group named after one of Princeton’s most famous teachers who was a slave holder), I was seen as the most feared man on campus. Me! I’m just a ball of fluffy love! Every time I heard about my rep I just chuckled. Not true at all. Thanks for sharing your dad’s wisdom with us. Hope you are doing well. =)

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  52. Beautiful, I have exactly the same kind of dad. He is by no means a perfect man, no one is or can be but he was a near perfect father, and I am enormously proud of who he’s made me into because of it. Like you he had his own company and hired for skills not for anything else, we were taught this equAlity through this actions everyday. Cheers to the good men, and the great dads, I wish everyone was blessed enough to have one. Imagine how different our world would be if they did.

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  53. The ‘rhymes with’ just totally cracked me up I’m sorry

    I love this (: you’ve been blessed with a wonderful father, the media can’t ever tarnish virtue.

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  57. This is a great post! I know you expressed concerns about how this blog is doing the opposite of letting your actions doing the evangelizing, but you’re sharing great examples of how actions can speak for your relationship with God! I think it’s something we all need to do more often. It’s really cool what can happen when God moves us to do something and we’re obedient.

    By the way, you were a professional actor? That’s what I wanted to be as a kid! I’d love to hear about your experiences.

    – Joe

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    • Thank you so much for this kind reflection. I am so touched by your words, Joe. It really means a lot. So true! God can use broken vessels 🙂 And yes! THat’s what I’m trying to do in NYC now, too 🙂 hehe have a great night! hugs xox

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  59. Another excellent writing job, my friend. Great topic as well. You are fortunate to have been raised in a Christian home with Godly parents. I continue to marvel at your stories and your ability to convey your heart with me. Thank you for sharing. God bless.

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  60. Great read. Generalizations as a whole are ignorant. This is why racism is so very wrong. To further your statement, there are other generalizations that are happening that are incorrect as well. The labels of what a “conservative” and “liberal” are are foolish as well. Each group makes these sweeping statements and presents the other as evil and misguided. As a Christian, I found it very hard to listen to Evangelistic Leaders saying that voting for Sec. Clinton was a vote for the Anti-Christ. This is very irresponsible. Using the pulpit to manipulate is wrong and can’t be justified! I thank God that there are people that think Kingdom before they think race, class, party and even gender. Keeping Christ as our focus can help us move the country forward and advance the Kingdom of God.

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    • Thank you so much PastorJDO. Yeah generalizations are rough because they paint with too wide of a brush. Amen to that: keeping Christ at the focus is what we should strive to do. In Him there is freedom and love. so glad you stopped by 🙂 hugs xo

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  63. Gold. I’m inspired. And I want to be a man like that. He is an important rock in the foundation of the grandest America that has ever existed. Bless you guys! And power to you for the courage to share boldly (it IS far more than the opposite of letting actions be your evangelising … it is a bold act indeed 🙂 ).

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  65. “I understand, emotions are heightened, and there are perceived concerns/fears, but as my father taught me, before one speaks, one should consider a) is it true, b) is it necessary c) is it kind?” Love this! Your dad sounds like one in a million! What a beautiful tribute to a man who has served, loved, and cherished others before himself.

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  67. Thank you for yet another beautifully inspiring post!

    I wish I could say the same about my father, he is more monster than man. In the effort to break the cycle and become a good father myself one day, this post really helped me see the way a true father should behave.

    Thank you for showing the world, because it will inspire others to follow.

    Havoc

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    • Hi Havoc, thank you for sharing a glimpse of your story. I am so sorry to hear that about you dad. Know that you did not deserve that. It breaks my heart that the man who was supposed to cherish and protect you did not live up to his end of the Deal. I know you will be a great dad 🙂 hugs to you friend xox

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  68. Okay beautiful post, 2 things:

    1) “shmeshoginistic, shmomaphobic, and shmite shupremecist.” I had a very nice belly laugh xD

    2) From what we’ve read about your father, he seems exactly like the kind of person Christians are meant to be! Such an amazing person, you are truly blessed to have this man in your life 🙂

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  70. Always remember the people behind the accusation. It’s hard to believe that none of those attacking others have loved ones who are men/women, White/Black/Asian/Native/etc, religious/irreligious, or whatever. Yet the way they act suggests they have no idea that it might hurt their loved ones. Or they even believe their loved ones deserve to be hurt for having the audacity to belong to that demographic. Stay strong.

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  73. This is so good! He sounds like a wonderful man. Things are never as black and white as people assume, being one thing doesn’t stop you from being another. We can never assume from a couple of facts about someone that they are a bad person, if anything the person making the assumptions is the bad person!

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  75. I just wanted to say what great advice for us dads on how to best love their daughters by making sure they know that they are delighted in. I mean that is fantastic and I am definitely taking that little golden nugget to the bank.

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  78. If you had added that we aren’t part of some shadowy patriarchy that seeks to oppress all women, this would have been perfect.

    Awesome post. It’s nice to see some people aren’t buying the garbage the media is selling.

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  79. My husband is a middle aged, white, Christian, midwestern, business owner. He has been called racist, etc..He has been turned down for jobs he was highly qualified for because they were only hiring off the minority list. He said that Trump really reached men like him. Men that are none of the things they are accused of. Good men like your dad who strive to make this world a better place. Well said and God bless!!

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  80. This is beautiful. It’s heartbreatking that an entire segment in our country is labeled at all, much less belittled by the media and ignored by politicians. We’re all Americans, and I believe, we all share many of the same hopes and dreams. That’s what unites us.
    Thank you so much for sharing.

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  83. A vital and touching essay and tribute to your dad – thank you for your thoughtful writing. I’m beginning to see why so many people read when you write. And I like how you link to your past blogs; I’m learning function from you, too. Have a great day!!

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    • Haha oh thanks Ken! What a kind thing to say:) so glad you stoped by! And yes! The linking is a great way to offer another post for people to continue reading if they feel so inclined:) hehe Hugs and love xox

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  84. *slow clap* Bravo. Powerful stuff.

    There is an ugly, dare I call it evil, strain running through America. It’s been here for a while, but the mask is finally off. Which might be a good thing; we’ll see.

    Good men like your dad didn’t start it. Good people never start things like this. But it’s good to see good people like you standing up against it.

    Most people in this country ARE good and decent, which is why I’m hopeful. We just have to keep speaking the truth, i.e. God’s truth and, as you say, walk the talk.

    Your dad sounds like a fantastic guy. I too have been blessed with a great father who sounds a lot like your dad (minus the Midwestern part).

    Keep it up! Keep challenging those assumptions.

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    • Thank you so so much. I’m glad you can relate to having such a great “old man” 🙂 yes, I have hope too. I pray for our new leader and for our county-that we really can be “great” again and bring back all those powerful and upstanding values:) Hugs and love xox

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  88. Dear Caralyn:

    Rather than inciting any feeling of hostility or resentment, your post simply reinforces my belief that no government designed by us will ever deliver the gifts of strength, charity and grace that are promised in the Kingdom of God.

    This IN PARTICULAR in the context of the recent presidential campaign.

    Blessings!

    Brian

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      • Always remember this, Caralyn: The Ancient of Days, over which the Son of Man is given authority at the end of Daniel’s Dream of the Four Beasts, is the sun.

        There is a billion times as much energy leaving the sun as strikes the Earth.

        When harnessed to the service of unconditional love that power makes everything possible, and beggars the ambitions of tyrants.

  90. You do your Father proud! You have shown me what a TRUE man should be and what to look for in a man. I envy you your growing up years, but am glad to know how much they mean to you (enough to not only remember them but share them). Your heart and soul reveal the shining beauty you are! Thank you!

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    • Oh my gosh, Timere, thank for such a kind response. It truly means the world. Yeah I was incredibly blessed with a loving family. I don’t take that for granted one bit. So glad you stopped by. Hugs and love xox

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  91. We are almost neighbors, I was raised in Nebraska by a man very much like your dad.
    Dad wasn’t and isn’t a bigot, misogynist, racist or any of the other new labels the “Progressives” have invented over that past 20 years or so. Why is it so important to sling manure on men who did nothing more than take care of their families in the manner Western Culture demanded? I have some ideas, but I don’t know for sure. Maybe those hate filled Progressive’s daddies never bought them the pony they wanted? Maybe they didn’t get enough hugs? Or, more likely, those spoiled brats weren’t given proper boundaries.
    After 63 years of marriage, Mom crossed over 7 years ago. My “misogynistic” father was holding her hand sobbing his heart out, saying “a gentleman always lets a lady go first”. Dad is 91 now with advanced Alzheimer’s, he’ll ask me where my mother is and then remembers she’s gone. His grief comes back, then, like a freight train and he starts sobbing again. That makes me think just how cruel this disease is. However….
    Those hate filled labels people are trying to pin on him now won’t stick and he isn’t aware of them.
    I’m eternally grateful for the Alzheimer’s, at times, because Dad isn’t aware of what’s become of the country he loves and shed his blood for in WWII.
    I’ve about worn out the “Backspace” key on this comment. Partly due to writing too much personal stuff. Mostly because it sounded like I was justifying my Dad’s entire life and that pissed me off and I had to delete those rants.

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    • Hi friend, thank you so much for sharing your heart. Your parents sound like absolutely incredible people. Im so sorry to hear that your father is going through Alzheimer’s. That breaks my heart. Hesblessed tk have you by his side during it. I’ll keep him in my prayers. Thanks again for stopping by. You are a beautiful person. Hugs and love xox

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  92. My friend, the people who are doing the name calling, inciting riots and screaming every profanity in the name of social justice, ARE the communist, socialist, fascist, racists and every other ist. There is only a handful of them, though they look bigger than what they are because of main stream media’s favorable exposure, (who subsequently are owned by these Globalist scumbags.) They hate America and want her dead. One only need to look at the cities involved in these so-called protests and one will quickly realize that they are all “Sanctuary Cities”. From the top down, they need to be cut out of America for the malignancy that they are. Even the Dems came out and voted for Trump because they realized that they had been duped.

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  93. Loved this. I’m sure that you father is proud of you. You do an excellent job of evangelizing on your page and you definitely wear your Christianity on your sleeve and you wear it well. You keep doing what your doing cause God has always got your back.

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  94. I think our dad’s could have been friends (mine passed away in 2007). But he was very much the same as yours. I think their Christ-following influence shows through us and that’s why it hurts us so much to be lumped in with all the “schme-accusations.”
    Much love and blessings 🙂

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    • Thanks Lisa:) I’m so sorry to hear that your father is no longer with us on earth, but what a comfort to know that you will reunited with him in eternity. ❤️ it makes my heart happy to know that you also know the heart of a loving father. We are lucky. Hugs and love xox

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  97. Excellent, as always, dear Friend. I am sure your Father feels blessed by you also, knowing how you think and feel about him, and especially sharing it with the world.
    Luv, George

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  98. Donald is from the Scotch Gaelic words dumnán (world) and walos (ruler, leader), meaning “ruler of the world or world leader.” Leadership is defined as guidance, and it cannot really be taught. We all know what bad leaders look like. They have an over-abundance of pride and arrogance, they bully and intimidate, they lack clear vision and direction, they display poor judgment, and they resist new ideas and do not learn from their mistakes. It is their way or no way. Desmond Tutu once said: “The leader is the servant. So leadership is not having your own way. It’s not for self-aggrandizement. But oddly, it is for service. It is for the sake of the led. It is a proper altruism.” And Percy Bysshe Shelley said in “Political Greatness:” Man, who man would be, / Must rule the empire of himself.” Good leadership, however, is entirely different. It is an ability which involves flexibility, patience, courage, integrity, humility, and responsibility. A leader is optimistic and can inspire others. Bill Gates once said: “Leaders will be those who empower others.” Your father sounds like a good leader. Although the Electoral College might think that the Big Donald is a good leader, I see the characteristics of narcissistic leadership instead, and it makes me very afraid. Having studied the effects of Hitler and national national patriotism gone fasicist, I am afraid of a repeat. Having said that, however, I hope the good leaders in this country, whichever way they voted, stand up for the rights of others, not out of fear or entitlement, but in fairness, in kindness, and in the love that Jesus inspires.

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    • Thank you for this reflection. Yeah that was my dads way of thinking. He called it servant leadership and that was the way he ran his company. I have hope that DT will do good, beneficial and inclusive things for ALL people – here’s hoping 🙂 Hugs and love xox

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  99. “He instilled in my brothers and I that all people, no matter of gender, color of skin, religion, sexual orientation, nationality – every person deserves respect and has an undeniable dignity as a person. There is zero tolerance for anything less than that.”

    All day. All stinkin’ day. Yes. My parents did the same thing. I remember coming home one day having heard some highly stereotypical and diminishing opinions from other kids about a different people group, and my parents didn’t hesitate: “We don’t think like that.” Praise God for your parents.

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  100. A beautiful post!
    Your dad sounds like an amazing man and I am sure he is so proud of you and completely touched with you writing such amazing things about what he, no doubt, considers just living life.
    He sounds like an amazing Godly man!
    And thank you for a post standing up for white, Christian Men. I know people are hurt and lashing out and I understand why they lash out at White, Christian Men but some of us are doing our best to live a live loving, respecting and honoring everyone that we come in contact with.
    And as one of those White, Christian Men, just trying to do our best, thank you!

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  101. So much irony in the statement, “All white people are racist…” Honestly if we use the proper term of prejudice to describe what is occurring then we see that it is universal. The only way to end racism or prejudice is with education. If we try to shame people into denial then ignorance (prejudice) blossoms (well it grows more like a mold or a fungus.) If we have a frank and open discussion we can educate each other. Don’t get me wrong, feelings would get hurt, but if we had this discussion out of love then we could heal.

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    • Thank you for this reflection. Yeah, education is so powerful. It prevents the gross generalizations being circulated like.gospel. Amen to that-let’s hope for respectful, open and honest discussion! Hugs and love xox

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  102. Yes, I agree your father is a good man. He sounds much like my late father, who was also a white Christian male and a teacher and farmer in Southern Ohio, the demographic that was targeted during the campaign and afterwards by both sides. My father was a good man who never spoke of finances, politics, religion or his service in World War 2 that earned him a Purple Heart and a Silver Star. He never even told us why he got the Silver Star, one of the highest awards for gallantry in combat, and the Army records are missing, so we, his surviving children, will never know what act of heroism he performed. That was typical: he never spoke of his many good works. Like your father, he just did them.

    It saddens me that he, like my two white sons in their early thirties who are also good men and also conservative, would be so denigrated by labels that might be misapplied to them. Those labels are essentially name-calling, and that is never a good, kind, or productive thing to do.

    Even though you and I know that we differed in this just past election, we agree on the basics: the values and morals necessary to the good life for all people, however they may be categorized. Let’s respect everyone, and everyone’s right to an opinion, and encourage others to do likewise.

    Peace and Love in Christ to you…

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  103. This is beautiful. And everything I have been thinking about my husband. How have we gone so horribly wrong that when we disagree we point fingers and demoralize instead? This is not discussion, this is not life-giving, it is rather a wedge pushing further the divide of ‘difference.’ I pray from a motherly heart that peace may be restored to this hurting nation. And I do know it will…because: Jesus, I trust in You. Hugs dear one for sharing such authentic feelings with us and know that you do not stand alone in them!

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    • Thanks Dawn! I agree-labels are just wedges. I pray that we start seeing one another with love and compassion. And yes. Peace! I love that image of Jesus – Jesus I trust in you – divine mercy. It’s beautiful. Google that image if you are unfamiliar. We have it in our home:) thanks for this beautiful reflection. Hugs and love xox

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  104. So you again have posted something of importance to all. In the world in which we live, there are always those who become targets, usually those who seem the most defenseless due to prevailing beliefs. And as in all circumstances, all generalizations are wrong 🙂 Characterizations such as you describe come from someone who may have a valid point about being wronged by someone, but not by everyone. Fixing something usually needs to start between two people and with that unpopular word that is only comfortable when someone does it for me – forgiveness. Your father would be proud and I am sure he is. I am proud just to say I read your blog and can share it with others. Thanks and keep it up. The world needs your words and your faith in the only one who can really fix this.

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    • Hey John, thank you for this. You’re right-generalizations are wrong. They paint with too wide of a brush and fail to see the whole person. What a kind thing to say. Thank you friend xox

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  105. BBB you have done an honorable thing for your father. Lifting him up in the midst of the present situation. I would bet, given your description of your father’s character, he appreciates it, but any attention that comes to him he reluctantly receives because it embarrasses him a little. You did a good thing. You have obeyed the sixth commandment, “Honor your father and mother.” I am a man in my upper 50s and I am betting he and I are of the same generation. In my generation receiving attention I always feel like it should go to another because I just do what I do, and there is nothing outstanding in my actions. My wife is always after me to graciously receive a compliment, and I am TRYING.

    A person has NOTHING except their reputation. If you are known as an honorable man or woman you will go far. If you are known as dishonest, or conniving you WILL eventually reap what you sow. By the media throwing out the assertions (opinion with no facts) that ALL white men are, as you say, any of the ____ist words they are doing just as our government has done for the last 8 years (not an assertion but an observation) of dividing our nation into an “us against them” society. To make a generalization about a group by the actions of a few is inflammatory and counter productive. My brother and I were both shot by a black man. If I had listened to some of my acquaintances I would have declared ALL black people bad and just WANTING to kill white people. I praise God I had the mental fortitude to KNOW I was shot by A BLACK MAN and NOT the black people. Are there racist whites? You bet! Are there blacks the want to hurt white people? You bet! You know what though? In both groups there are a majority that are GOOD and HONORABLE people. Hate is a taught pattern, and so is love. We can teach our children to love or we can teach them to hate. As the sapling is bent so it grows. The question is, how do you WANT to be known? You want to be KNOWN for your love, kindness, and building others up, or do you WANT to be KNOWN for your HATRED, division, and CAUSING conflict?

    Being loving and kind doesn’t mean your are being a wimp. The most loving act in ALL of human history was when Jesus fed those that were hungry, healed those that had no hope, and when He went to the Cross without opening His mouth to defend Himself. How many of us would lay down our life and be mercilessly tortured for people that we had NEVER even met. Jesus is always put forth as a carpenter but what did He build with? Stone? Rough-sawn lumber? The paintings I have seen of Jesus has always been frail and timid but I believe Jesus was well muscled and bold in His appearance. I think Jesus had a zest for life, and an outgoing character BUT He laid His life aside to fulfill the will of the Father. “Behold the Lamb of God that takes away the sins of the world.” Just like the men of our culture, both white and black, people have always asserted what Jesus was like. My Lord and my God loves people and He died so that we might have life. Don’t believe the media because they lie to promote a given agenda. I challenge you do just “see” what the media “wants” you to see but look deeper. See the good that God does through people. Believe that which you witness. If you only look at one little segment of our society you will get only one small view. Open your eyes and mind to the bigger world and witness the true nature of people.
    Sorry, I got long-winded. 🙂

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    • Thank you so much Eric. I so appreciate your kind words. I agree- a person earns their reputation and my father has definitely heather his. These generalizations made me sad because they fail to see the whole person. I wish we could all see one another with “love goggles” 🙂 I’m so sorry to hear hat you were shot. But you’re right, we cannot judge a whole group by the actions of one person. Amen to that. Jesus gave his life for us, and we are called to live lives that acknowledge that bring him glory. Thanks for stopping by. Hugs and love xox

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  106. This is such a great post. It is so needed, the individual stories that come out from all the noise and generalizations. Another label that is making me crazy is the “uneducated white men,” as if they made their election choice based on being uninformed and unintelligent.

    There are educations to be had outside of the classroom, in the real world, that gives people a perspective and an experience that is different than what is found in a college classroom. That life education is not “less than.” Whether a person is college educated, or “school of hard knocks educated,” or both, their perspective should not be demeaned.

    Thank you for having the courage to speak out on your perspective with grace and thought in this noisy world!

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    • Thank you so much:) that’s kind of you to say. Yeah that’s another really hurtful label too. Gross generalizations like that paint with too broad a brush. I agree-we need to be respectful of everyone and all education 🙂 Hugs and love xox

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  115. I really enjoyed your reflection and I wholly understand your sentiment, that idea that somehow we have become tainted or tarnished by something so ridiculously beyond our control. My husband served in Iraq in 2003 and the battalion he was wiht were accused of things and then they were somehow all tainted, it took away the good things they did under extreme circumstances and replaced it with something uncertain.We live in times of uncertainty but your father will always be the things that you admire regardless of what goes on with the rest of the world. Love to you. XXX

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    • Thank you so much. You’re right, no matter what, we have family and love and friendship. Thank you so much for your husband’s service to our country. Glad you stopped by! Hugs and love xox

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  119. I appreciate your desire to stand up for and honor your father. And the the trauma and pain you feel when you hear these labels thrown at white men.

    However, I want to give a different perspective and give you a chance to zoom out. My husband a black man and sons young black men have lived with labels and generalizations about their character and who they are for years. And all black men live under a stereotypical microscope for hundreds of years. See what is a bit frustrating is that now that people are challenging and questioning a racist system people want to stand up and say the world shouldn’t judge all white men because of the actions of a few, but never once stood up to speak against the injustices and racial slurs, labels or generalizations thrown at men like my husband. He is An amazing father, husband, a man who has walked through recovery from addiction and speaks to men on how to live in freedom with Christ, a businessman. But with all the things he is, if he stands on a corner with sweats and a hood in his own neighborhood someone perceives him a a danger, thug or threat all because he is black . No matter how much I stand up for my husband the system was never designed to love him as a black man. Nor my sons. This election has uprooted hate on all sides. It pains me and I know it accomplishes nothing. I am so glad my hope is in Christ and that I can lean on him in the days ahead. So please don’t just look through your lense or stand up for only what you understand. realize that my pain and people of colors pain about race and labels or generalizations came well before this election. The pain is hundreds of years of oppression. This pain effected our entire country not just blacks. And that it is going to take us all standing up for what is right to make any change. For us all to heal and be willing to sit at the table even with those who hurt us or our enemies and allow God to heal and connect us all.

    I write all of this in love,

    Thanks for hearing