I was listening to a talk the other day by Fr. Glenn Sudano, and it spoke to me so profoundly that I took on the task of writing this book. Allow me to recount what I took away from it.

We are all wounded. Each and every one of us have scars that remind us of our sufferings and shortcomings. They are part of who we are. And try as we may to cover them up, we shouldn’t – because they are beautiful.

Jesus endured the greatest suffering of all: the Cross. And when He rose again after the third day, He greeted His loved ones and showed them the scars on His hands where He had been pierced. Thomas even put his hands in the holes. His wounds weren’t infected, but glorious and glowing. They were a victory.

That’s how we need to treat our wounds. Are they infected or are they glowing? Our wounds are the signs of the suffering and trials in our life, and they need to be washed in His divine grace. We must allow His Light to shine out of them. For in our weakness, we are actually strong, through Christ. He suffered first, and won, thus allowing us to do the same.

Therefore, I am writing this deeply personal and oftentimes disturbingly honest account, revealing my wounds from the anorexia that ravaged my body eight years ago. I hope it offers insight into the insidious nature of the disease, so as to shed light on what your loved one is going through.

Through these words, I hope to expose the inner thinking of someone struggling with the disease. It’s what I wish I could have told my parents and loved ones at the time, but couldn’t. It’s what I wish they would have known. What I wish they would have understood.

I preface this, that this account is from when I was fully engulfed in my disease. My thoughts were not clean, nor pure. They were dark. Very dark. But it is in exposing that darkness that I hope to allow His Light to shine through these wounds so as to bring hope and help to others.

321 thoughts on “Glorious Wounds

  1. Amen! I’m so happy that you have found true healing in Christ! My hope for you is that you will continue to draw your strength and identity in Christ and Christ alone. 🙂

  2. Thank you for this. As someone who still struggles with body image, and struggles still to be at peace with the me I see in the mirror, I greatly appreciate your honesty. I pray that God continue to guide you in a full recovery in Christ. Thank you once again. God Bless.

  3. Aloha … Mahalo (thank you) for liking my post. All the best to you, as you walk you path, helping others along the way, touching their hearts … sharing the Love of the Divine within. Namaste, Bob Carter

  4. What a powerful revelation about scars….They should be a testimony, a victory of what Christ did for us! may God amplify your voice as you share your testimony! He is doing something great through you friend! God bless you for your honesty and transparency!

    Rolain

  5. Thank you for have the bravery and the courage to share your journey with us, as a woman who survives an eating disorder and has an preteen daughter with one as well, I truly appreciate the courage and determination it takes to overcome such a challenge. You are added to my prayers and may you never fail to find the strength you need to meet the days head on! You are a beautiful soul with an indomitable spirit!

    Your message about scars truly makes me look at myself in a new light, both from the inside and out. I would love to carry that message on to others I know who need to hear it as well! Would you mind if I posted a link to this blog regarding it on my page? I will do nothing without your permission of course. 🙂

    You are inspiring and wise, even for your youth. Thank you again so much for sharing your journey and life with us!

    1. Thank you so much, Tricia, for sharing this sentiment with me. I appreciate your encouragement, prayers and kindness so so much. I would be absolutely honored if you shared this. 🙂 Sending love and prayers to you and your daughter. Thankfully we have Someone who will see us through every storm. xx

  6. God bless you for sharing these things. I have a daughter who suffered from anorexia (thankfully now totally healed and an avid anti anorexic advocate). This is much needed. Thanks!

  7. What a beautiful work you’re doing here. I believe it is helping and will help many people.

    I too was, many years ago, delivered from a decade of dealing with eating disorders by our gracious God. Your blog is testimony to others that there is always HOPE and that healing, transformation and freedom are possible.

    Whoever is still struggling, don’t give up. Ed is a liar. You are beautiful and loved as you are.

    Many blessings on this blog.

    Monique

  8. Woman of God,

    You are fearfully and wonderfully made! I appreciate that you use this space and platform to show that we overcome by the blood of the Lamb and the word of our testimony (Revelation 12:11). May God continue to use you to speak life and truth to that which lies dormant within and without us. Encouraged by you.

    Stay beautiful as you are!

    With love,

    Juah Seyonia

  9. Loved your post here and had to thank you for liking HEAVENSREEF! Bless your heart too. GOD loves us all just the way we are, whether we are broken or not. Keep spreading the WORD.

  10. Hi! Thanks for liking my latest blog post, Free from Flaunting. I’ve been reading over your blog and really love it. My blog is still so small, and only has 21 posts so far. I wondered if I could ask you a few questions via email? I’m wondering what tips would you give a novice blogger trying to grow her following?
 Second, what do you think is the secret to the success of your blog?
    All the best to you, and love your blog! – Sylvia sylvialaurenceblog.wordpress.com

  11. thanks for being a living testimony of God’s amazing grace and mercy. <3 really thank God for soldiers like you. keep inspiring xx i look forward to getting to know u better 🙂 you could check out my instagram, where i use it as a recovery platform too 🙂 @eatlivelove_pumpkin

    xx, cheryl

  12. Brave girl…many hugs to you <3 And thanks for stopping by eve's apple! ~Marisa (mcproco.wordpress.com)

  13. The part about our scars being part of our story really touched me personally. You see my marriage of 27 years ended suddenly and unexpectedly when my husband walked out. Within a few months of that happening, I was diagnosed with cancer and had to have major surgery which left me with an 11″ scar snaking across my belly. I was certain that no man would find me, a scarred, middle-aged woman attractive. God in His great grace and mercy has given me a wonderful new husband, who when he saw my scars, didn’t flinch, but rather kissed them. He told me that the scars were part of my life’s story and represented the battles that I had fought and won. He said that knowing what I went through makes me even more precious to him.

    1. Wow, thank you for sharing this. What an incredible journey you have been on. I’m so sorry that you had to battle cancer. praise God that you’ve found a new husband that sees you in God’s eyes and is a great support. thank you for blessing us with this comment. Your words really spoke to me 🙂

  14. I never thought about the scars in this way before. Now you got me thinking. Glad you have survived what sounds like a horrible experience. (((Hugs))) my scars are more internal than external. How does a light shine there? Deep thoughts…

  15. Well done for your honesty. I have recently recovered (well hopefully in final stages of recovery anyway) from sever depression, and I salute all those going through mental pain, and those they love who stay around them in the darkness.
    We are all wounded healers – can there be any other sort? I have found the thoughts of John of the Cross, put into music by John Michael Talbot, helpful over this. they are so beautiful. E.g. One Dark Night https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tkQQ5Q3B8wY

    1. Hi Julie! What a beautiful song! I appreciate you passing it along 🙂 And thank you for sharing about your recovery. I’m so glad to hear that your journey is going well! You hit the nail on the head: we’re all wounded healers. Luckily, we have a Comforter who is with us every step of the way. Thanks for stopping by this morning, Julie!! Have a beautiful day ☺️

  16. May Jesus truly envelop your heart, soul, mind, and body, as you remain steadfast in His amazing love, day by day. Thank you for liking my recent post, Joy in Death? Each struggle is intended to draw us closer to Jesus. I am thankful you are sharing your struggle(s) with others, so they may know the healing power of Christ. Have a blessed Christmas.

  17. Thank you for visiting my blog today. I’ve had a quick first look at yours.What you are doing is very courageous and brave, baring your wounds to the world. thank you 🙂

    1. Thank you so much:) I appreciate you stopping by and checking out my site! It is my deepest hope that it helps even one person❤️ thanks for stopping by! Have a great weekend!

  18. Such a refreshing change in this sometimes cynical world, to find a person who so freely writes about accepting Jesus, and your passion and bravery comes shining through your writing
    May the Lord continue to Bless you and heal you
    Also thank you for visiting & reading my story “The Last Christmas”

  19. Thank you for sharing! I’ve been reading through your story and I want to applaud your courage for sharing it — it must have been very difficult to bare your soul like this. Stay strong!! 🙂

  20. Well done! There is a purpose for every pain you go through in life and knowing that purpose is what ushers in the healing process and make you become an instrument of blessing to others.

  21. Truly profound post in sharing the realization that we are not alone. Never will be. In all the suffering we experience, it is so that in overcoming, we help others do the same. Truly what Christ did. God will never leave us nor forsake us.

  22. Your “Like” brought me to your blog. I praise Christ for it. 🙂

    “Then he said to Thomas, ‘Put your finger here, and see my hands; and put out your hand, and place it in my side. Do not disbelieve, but believe.'” (John 20:27)
    It could have been SO hard for Christ to show His wounds like that to Thomas– after all He had been through, to look at them could have been so very, very difficult. Yet, He very willingly showed them to Thomas, just as willingly as He bore them, so that Thomas would believe that He was the Risen Christ, the Blessed Messiah, the Jesus they loved. I praise Jesus, that He has put it upon your heart to do the same– not so that this disease or even yourself would be glorified, but Him, and the amazing, saving work He does in us when we accept Him as Lord and Savior. Blessings on you, dear sister. You are being prayed for!
    Love in Christ,
    Annalee from Isaiah 62 Prayer Ministry

    1. Hi Annalee, wow thank you so much for such kind and encouraging words. I love that verse so much. I find so much comfort and hope in Thomas’s story. Thanks for reminding me:) so glad you stopped by. Hugs!

  23. I look forward to reading your book, as it sounds interesting to understand how people suffering from anorexia think. I wish you well and peace.

  24. What an inspiring blog! Thank you for sharing your pain and honouring Jesus for His help. What a Saviour! He never disappoints. Thanks also for liking one of our blogs. Blessings, Alida

  25. How beautiful. To realize that in our weakness we are strong because of Christ. And what a true testament to that you are! His strength shines through your words.

  26. I appreciated you sharing a very personal experience, with a passion and love of Christ, thank you for being a blessing to us all who read your words.
    Not only in the depths of disease that our thoughts can be unclean and un-pure becoming very dark, our thoughts can become engulfed in darkness due to our self-indulgences which is something I intend to write about

    1. Thank you so much for this reflection, Graham. Your affirming words mean a lot. You’re right, we all can struggle with darkness. But how comforting to know that Jesus is stronger than all that and can be our light. Thanks for reading!

  27. I like your blog and this post as well. There was a girl a few friends were close with and she died from anorexia shortly after she pulled away from people. I don’t think she did it on purpose but I see how people would stare or treat her like the plague because of what she was going through. It’s sad really, she was only 21. I’m glad God is with you. =)

    1. Oh my gosh, how tragic. That is so sad, oh my gosh. I think a lot of time people forget that anorexia kills. I think it’s been stigmatized to be a “vain” “superficial” cry for attention, by that couldn’t be farther from the truth. Thanks for sharing this. Yes, God is good. I pray that that dear soul is at peace in the arms of her Heavenly Father. Thanks for stopping by. Hugs xx

  28. I’m so glad to connect with you too. Your blog is invaluable to so many women and the pressures we have. Thank God we have strength in him. My favourite verse that kept me going in adversity: “I can do all things through Jesus Christ”. Supernatural power!

  29. I have now read several of your blog posts and your heart is genuine and touching the very heart of everyone who stops by here…which brings me to this note. How very kind of you to stop by and read my blog post “When One Door Closes…”
    Thank you for “liking’ it which is an encouragement. I loved loved your Ash Wednesday post. Truly we need to stop and look …that is why God gave us eyes. that we might see the beauty of others who are made in His image.

    1. Thanks so much gaustin:) that really means a lot. I look forward to reading more from you! And you’re right- seeing others through His eyes is so important! Thanks for stopping by xox

  30. Hi! Thank you so much for checking out our blog! Your story is amazing and I can’t wait to see how God is healing you! I’m praying that continue on your journey with the Lord😘❤️

  31. Your post made me think. “Our wounds are a part of who we are.” I am thinking that my wounds also remind me of who I am. I think this reminder is a good thing, at this stage of my particular journey recovering from the trauma of childhood abuse. I can use my wounds to empower my recovery, to motivate me on my pathway of healing, to motivate me to fight for myself, rather than feeling only discouraged each time I notice my wounds.
    Your words about being in the dark also resonated with me. I now believe that darkness resides right next to the light. (And also that some things that seem “dark” aren’t dark at all, only real and true.)
    Thank you for writing. And thank you, also, so much, for reading some of my blog posts. I really appreciate your presence.
    Best wishes.
    A.

    1. Hey A:) thank you so much for sharing this part of your heart. I’m so glad that you’re finding the freedom of recovery. It’s true, living in the light is such a amazing feeling. I’m so sorry that you had to endure that as a child. You did not deserve it and I want to give you a huge hug. You are precious and deserved to be treated as such. You have a lot of wisdom-our wounds are a part of who we are-but they do not make us any less or disqualify us from love. In fact, just the opposite. They make us beautiful and show our strength and endurance. Thanks for stopping by, friend. Hugs and love to you xox

      1. What a lovely response. “Freedom of recovery….” so true. “You did not deserve it….” I seem to still need to hear those words and I appreciate them!

  32. Although our faiths may be different our source of strength and reflection remain core to both of us. Our troubles are never in vain, they are indeed a glowing reminder of the great souls we are today in spite of them (however you choose to views things)
    thanks for sharing 🙂

  33. Thank you for sharing so honestly, and openly. I know it’s hard to reveal brokeness and hurts, but I am so grateful for the way you are so honest. I do try to cover my scars from past hurts, and I love how you shared about seeing Christ through them. I’m sure you will bless many with your honesty and willingness to share. Blessings to you in your continued recovery.

  34. Wow. What a tremendous assignment and isn’t it cool that God put it on your heart NOW? He has allowed you to heal in His love and now He wants to help others heal through your love and your transparency – which ultimately leads them to Him. He is never too late or too early – always right on time. 🙂 Much grace to you, dear sister as you continue on your journey. Keep allowing Him to shine His beautiful light on you, in you and then through you.

    Many blessings,
    Kim

    1. Hi Kim, thank you so much for this kind note of encouragement. It means so much. Truly. I know, God is amazing and His plans for us are good and timed according to his perfect will☺️ sending you so much love and hugs xoxoxox

  35. Thank you for following my blog. I am all new to this so its great that I can connect with others somehow. I hope to be as bold as you are in expressing my journey. Louise

  36. How touching your willingness to be so vulnerable, and share from the deepest part of you. You shall be blessed as you are a blessings.
    In love and light,
    Cat RunningElk

  37. If I believed in chance encounters, this would fit the bill. But I don’t believe in chance encounters, rather I believe God has His hand in everything. You liked one of my first posts on my new blog, and here we are. I believe it happened for a reason. I believe you and I are on similar paths, and it was in His plan for our paths to cross. I, too, have dealt with a serious affliction – depression. My depression stemmed from fear, and the fear was a product of a life-changing experience. My blog will take on a “journey” theme, as well. Moments into your introduction, I was already moved to tears. I so look forward to “catching up” with you through your blogs. As I alluded, I am a freshman blogger. I have written for years and years, but, other than a stint as a newspaper reporter, most of my “stuff” has gone unpublished. I hope to changed that, for I believe God has blessed me with a gift that I must develop further and by which I will glorify and honor Him. I followed you on Twitter and liked you on Facebook. Would love for you to follow me as well. I wish you all the very best, and again, I look forward to reading your work. I do know someone close to me who struggles with weight disorder, so I will take away even more from your personal story. God Bless.

    1. Thank you so much. I really appreciate hat. I’m glad you’ve found freedom in Christ as well! I’ll definitely follow you! Thanks for stopping by and welcome to the world of blogging xox

      1. I have been so deeply moved by your story. i have grown to realize that most of our deepest scars are the ones not seen by the naked eye, but felt through the exchange of energy. I have had a scar on my face since i was 7 that made schooling for me very difficult. Oddly enough it was that same scar that set me a part and allowed me to work for Disney In the Lion King for 10 years. I am recognized by my beauty mark now. I forget that i have it until someone asks about it. My scars complete me. Thank you for sharing your stories with us.

      2. Hey Shirley, thanks for this. Wow, working for the Lion King! That is such an awesome thing. You’re right, our scars complete us and make us who we are. thanks for stopping by! big hugs xox

  38. Thank you for your open and honest words. I am blessed by your blog and intend to keep reading it. Thanks for reminding about Jesus showing His scars, and how he makes ours beautiful.

  39. On a more serious note, I have never experienced nor known anyone who has had an eating disorder. At least to any real extent as you have experienced. This is why I never followed your blog. I didn’t feel any connection to the subject matter.

    I don’t believe I could endure reading the past posts that go into the depths of the disorder. Not after meeting you here and now. Within your recovery, where you true beauty is being expressed. I couldn’t bear it. Just the thought of it brings tears to my eyes. I could imagine how I would be if I actually read the details of your experience.

    Please forgive me for this. I want to know you now. I love who you are now. The fun posts and also the more deep and painful posts as you wrote about Easter coinciding with the Brussels tragedy. This is this person of depth, intelligence, beauty, love and care that I enjoy knowing.

    You reflect back to the disorder in your more current posts and I get small views of what it was like. This is enough for me. Just know one thing, God doesn’t make mistakes and He certainly went above and beyond when He created you. You can see this, not only by your following but in your powerful words, as well as in your more light, peaceful and fun expressions. The feeling within all your words are the same. The feeling of a beautiful woman with great depth, creativity and intelligence who can touch the hearts of others through your wonderful expressions.. .

    1. Hi Matthias, wow. This is truly beautiful. You’ve got me all choked up! Seriously! 🙂 thank you for this wonderfully kind and supportive note. I completely understand. Although I write about my past, I also do not like to revisit it in my “day to day.” Because you’re right-that’s not who I am any more. I am dwelling in Christ and He is my light and my purpose. Your words really touched my spirit, Matthias. You’re right. God doesn’t make mistakes. And that includes me. And you. There is such comfort in that. Thank you again for being a great friend. Though we just “met,” I am grateful that our paths crossed and that i can call you a friend! 🙂 have a great day!

      1. I am grateful for you also, and the fact that our paths crossed. I am honored that you call me friend. I will do all I can to live up to such a great honor. How bout by simply being myself? 😉

  40. Wow, there’s something so pure about allowing ourselves to be vulnerable with others. I have some wounds too, that at one time I considered ugly so I would try and hide them. However, now I know that wounds helped me to grow and become better. I thank God for the wounds because it’s proof of my victories!

  41. I am so amazed by your story. It is so inspiring, and I pray that God will use your words to reach those who need to hear them…including me. I do not have anorexia, but have deep wounds that I have covered up over many years and continue to do so. The courage that it takes to uncover those wounds is immense, and difficult, and to be honest – scary. I’ve revealed small bits to random people, but never the whole thing to everyone. I love how you relate them to Jesus’ wounds, and that they are a shining reminder of who we are and whose we are. I pray that I can garner the courage you have and open up the bandages to let Him shine through.

  42. Wow, I love this post and your blog and I can’t wait to read more! I have different struggles, with depression and anxiety but believe that in being honest and vulnerable and sharing God’s healing of our own lives we will help others to do the same. Thanks for liking my post, too!

  43. John 10:10 says: The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full. Please do not claim this disease. We walk by faith not by sight. (2nd Corinthians 5:7) It’s not what the situation looks like. Proverbs 6:2 says if you have trapped yourself by your agreement and are caught by what you said– Jesus took our pain, sickness and all of our hurt so we can have life and have it more abundantly. (John 10:10) However, you must believe this with all you’ve got! Meditate on Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. I pray in the name of Jesus that you realize your identity in Jesus Christ. You are the child of the Living God. It’s not over until He says so. Enter into the finished works of Jesus Christ! He did it for you! Healing is yours! God wants you to believe and receive healing! God defies the works of the thief! Much Love to you sister!

    1. Thank you for this beautiful note. Amen to that. I am so grateful for the healing and freedom I have received from Jesus. I am so thankful to not be in that place anymore, but on the other side. god is good. hugs and love xox

  44. Just came across your blog as you liked my most recent post. You’re incredibly lovely and I look forward to seeing future posts from you! I’m proud to see you opening up about something you struggled with in the past. It takes a lot of courage that’s for sure! Best of luck to you in the future and I know God will work wonders in your life as you share your story.
    xoxo,
    Blair

  45. Thank you for your honest witness to the darkness which wounds…and to the light which heals. In the midst of trials, especially in disease, emotional problems, addiction, spiritual emptiness thoughts easily get distorted, hope seems lost and we can feel abandoned and dirty.

    I hope that many seeking a ray of light…a sliver of hope to reach for…will find you and hear your voice. It is powerful witness!

    Hope lives!
    Your courage and honesty shouts that from the rooftops!

    God bless you on your continued journey!
    Kevin

  46. Thank you for stopping by my blog…I love your honest writing …only a truly healed person can talk about ones wounds. Jesus is indeed Johovah Rapha to all of us…Thanks for being such a warm, awesome and beautiful persn…both inside and out…:) Hugs!

  47. Thanks for stopping by my blog. I hadn’t made a post there in over a year. I have another blog of hymns that I post to at least weekly, Sing the Story. As an earlier replier said, “I do not believe in coincidence”. I have wounds of a different kind, a bilateral mastectomy due to cancer and, years later, an emergency hysterectomy to save me from bleeding to death. I struggle with anger over these events and the effect they had/have on my life. Your talk of letting our wounds serve Christ has touched me. I think I will try to do that with God’s help. Blessings to you!

    1. Hi friend. Than you so much for sharing this. I’m so sorry that you’ve had to go through those difficult things. Yes, approaching my past with that perspective has helped me let go of that anger. Sending big hugs xox

  48. Thank you for liking my blog post (The Scars that Stay)! I just read your post, “Glorious Wounds”, and it’s amazing to me how similar our ideas were – even some very specific language about His light shining through our scars.
    My struggles have been different from yours. I’ve battled severe ulcerative colitis flare-ups for four years, and just had surgery to remove my colon two weeks ago. I have a permanent ileostomy that helps my body do what my colon used to. Some days I hate it, and I hate how it makes me feel about myself. But I have to remind myself that this “scar” is actually a gift of God, that will hopefully free me to better serve him than I could before (when I was constantly sick). And even if it brought no tangible benefits in this life, it is a visible token of Christ’s work in my heart through a lot of trial.
    But even though our struggles have been different, God’s word promises us both that the eternal glory to come far outweighs the trials we’ve experienced here. I believe that you and I will be with Him someday, wearing our scars as medals of honor.
    Thank you for letting him transform your life, and for sharing that experience with others. Thank you for letting him use your weaknesses to display his awesome power in your life.( I’ll look forward to meeting you in heaven someday! )

    1. Hi Hannah, wow, thank you so much for sharing this. Your story is so powerful! You’re right, His glory FAR outweighs the trials we face in this life. What a beautiful spirit you have. It definitely shines through. Sending you the biggest hugs and love and prayers. I hope the recuperation from your surgery is going well and uneventfully. With love, Caralyn

  49. I just love your comment hannah. Our scars are so important to showing others who we are and whose we are….we shall meet again one day in eternity!

    1. Yes! Hi Lisa, I too was touched by Hannah’s story. I’m always so blown away by the loving and supportive community on here. hope you have a beautiful weekend. hugs xox

  50. Anorexia runs in my family. Along with alcoholism, depression, physical and emotional abuse- they all go hand in hand. Wounds are indeed a part of who we are, and we are strong beautiful recovered women in my family. I am always intereted in what drives people to recover- who really are the survivors. Much love to you in your process.

  51. Thank you for liking my posts, I am just starting out and that made me feel so encouraged and welcomed 🙂 I am humbled by how beautiful, wise, kind and honest you are, now that I’ve looked at your page. wow. I look forward to reading through your writings.

  52. Thank you so much for liking my blog today so I would be guided to yours. I have struggled with bulimia for over twenty years now. Well, that isn’t entirely true; I enjoyed it for most of that time.
    Just recently, I have started asking God for help taking my body back. My mind, my appetites… I love what you said about Jesus’ scars glowing. Triumphant, He was! That one idea has already touched my life in a profound way. You inspire me to share more of my own darkness – something I have been very afraid to do until now. Thank you so much!!

    Bless your big, beautiful heart, Friend. I am looking forward to learning from you. 💗

    1. Thank you for sharing this. I’m so sorry that you’ve been struggling with that. Amen to that-He was absolutely triumphant-and with His help we can be too! That’s the hope! That’s recovery:) know that I will be keeping you and your recovery in my heart and prayers. I am cheering for you! Sending massive hugs coc

  53. Dear Friend, I know somewhat of your struggles, we all have them. I want to tell you why I follow you. I am a youth minister, but have had my own addictions to work through. It is painful to share this with you and I pray it will not throw triggers your way.

    My niece was named Mandy, although this was from a foster family I chose. I had lived with foster families for twenty years, from the time I was born.

    I met a girl at church camp who from the very start became like a sister to me. We never dated. She had two lovely daughters, but due to her husband making really bad choices, it really messed Mandy up.

    She was a cutter. There were many times I was called to assist the family. She would talk to me, when she would not talk to anyone else.

    Her mother had asked her when she went into the hospital, she could have anyone on her visiting list but she could not exclude her mother. She did not like her own mother very much.

    I was the only one she wanted on her visitors list. She considered me her youth pastor. However, she admitted that she was also a lesbian. I tried to help her, and told her what the Bible said, but that no matter what her choices were, I would still love her.

    We were working with professional mental professionals, psychiatrists, therapist etc. On June 3, 2010, she lost the battle of life and committed suicide. You remind me a lot about her. For instance you both are great writers, well she was a great writer. You struggled in similar ways and I could relate to both of you.

    Life is hard, but you have a lot of friends that love you and I am one of them. I am so inspired by your writings. You see when she committed suicide, I stopped writing. I never published anything but I did do a lot of writing. I have only recently started to write again.

    I am married to a Filipino and next Month on the 13th, we will celebrate our 8th year anniversary. I decided, that writing can bring healing, which I never really did blogging before.

    I feel that I am a good writer, not as good as you, but a good writer; and thought maybe through our writers we can inspire each other. Your blogged helped me to decide to write once again about how God brought me through so many obstacles. And so I just wanted to say thank you, and God bless you and your family. Thank you, thank you so very much!!! First for a beautiful blog and for choosing to share your gift and choosing life! You are helping a lot of people through your glorious wounds!!!

    1. Thank you so much for sharing this. What a heartbreaking story. I am so sorry to hear that you’re right, life is hard and the only way to navigate and endure it is with His grace and guidance. Congratulations on your upcoming anniversary. That’s a beautiful testimony of love. Sending big hugs xox

  54. Thank you for what you’re doing here. Like someone else who wrote a comment I’m not anorexic, but my mum was. And I’ve dealt with depression for years. Now I’m quite happy though, after years and years of suffering. People like you who share their pain are essential to the point that they’re life saving. Go on ahead, you’re awesome! 🙂

  55. Very moving and insightful – thank you for sharing this with us; many of us are going through personal challenges (in my case neuroendocrine cancer) but your words strike a deep chord in our hearts and reinforce the powerful hope we can have in Jesus

  56. Thank you for your courage and generosity in sharing your story. I have always been very conscious of my weight and body image — probably overly-conscious — and it’s so hard in this society not to be. The standards of thinness and perfection are so impossible, so much pressure is placed upon women; but I suppose it always has been. Only we women ourselves can stop this by not succumbing to the pressure, by standing up for ourselves and for a more healthy, realistic standard of beauty.

    This is not to say that we shouldn’t strive to be the best we can be according to our own gifts and merits, and that includes good health and grooming. But I think of how close I came to developing an eating disorder when I was younger. Fortunately, being of Italian descent I just loved food too much to carry it that far! But it is definitely a danger that our society must do something about. The power is in our hands, but we must have the courage to speak up and stand up for our rights and for the dignity of our womanhood.

  57. I very well agree with you. Dark days and short comming sare a package that goes with a life. But how we tackle it through little light shown to us is important. I am not sure if I have the courage to bring out what I am going through but fighting it within, with minimal or no help at all. Just praying to my lord to pull me out of this as soon as possible….sometimes feel like giving up. But then I see my son, who looks upon me and thats the motivation to start again. Thanks for sharing will read through your posts…..very inspiring!!!!

  58. This is beautiful. I admire your transparency and how you allow your testimony to reach the lives of others. Though I have not suffered from ED, I did battle with self-confidence issues and I am now cleansing myself from trying to appease the world.I feel encouraged by this post to share my struggles as well. I look forward to exploring your blog. You have gained a subscriber! 🙂

  59. This post spoke to me. I love this part – “His wounds weren’t infected, but glorious and glowing. They were a victory…That’s how we need to treat our wounds. Are they infected or are they glowing? Our wounds are the signs of the suffering and trials in our life, and they need to be washed in His divine grace. We must allow His Light to shine out of them.”

    You are writing a book? What an exciting thing to do with God. <3 🙂

  60. Thank you for your transparency. It fits this verse perfectly: 1 Corinthians 1:3 – Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, 4 who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.

  61. I have the opposite issue with food than anorexia…but I imagine what’s in the middle is similar. Using food -or restriction of – to deal with emotions.
    What I love and really relate to with your blog is the transparency and honesty.

  62. Thank you for liking and reading my blog. I am looking forward to reading through your journey. I find no coincidences in life, and that we have been “introduced” as I have struggled throughout my life with eating issues, but not in your “typical” fashion. I developed a phobia at a very young age with food and sickness that has twisted my thinking and controlled me for over 30 years. I’ve hidden this (out of shame and embarrassment) and only a small handful of people know that this is something I’ve struggled with. But, God has been graciously and patiently helping to change my thinking and actions. It really is a process, one that sometimes I have no patience for, because I just want it over like yesterday.
    God bless and thank you for your honesty and transparency.
    In Christ,
    Miranda

    1. Hi Miranda, thank guy so much for sharing your story. I’m sorry that we have that in our pasts that connect us but I’m so glad that you also know the saving and healing hand of God. Sending you the biggest hugs friend xox

  63. Thank so much for the open and honest way that you share your challenges and your triumphs. As always, thanks for your encouragement and support in stopping by my blog and “liking” what you see.

  64. I am glad you liked my post because it gave me a chance to see this article. I we all have wounds that only God can heal. It took me some time to realize that I had to give my hurts over to him. I am so glad that we crossed paths.

  65. Caralyn (if i’ve got the name right!),

    Thank you for visiting my blog and reading the post, and for your like.

    I read through some of the things you’ve written, and I love the honesty. Yes, the word is really ‘wreckage’ to describe what our lives sometimes end up as, which makes the extraordinary love of God for broken people, and the redeeming work He does all the more heart-wrenching (in a good way). I’m not yet ready to share all of my story, which my wife and a few friends know, but my blog was the first step out of the fear into walking into the identity God has bought for us through Jesus.

    I’m wary about which sites to follow as I have little time to spare – you’ve already seen a glimpse of how hectic my life is in my post. I think I’m ready to follow yours, because of the unmistakable aroma of Christ that I love, and the things that seem to disturb you are much the same as those that deeply disturb and distress me. I’m interested in hearing your stories and listening to your thoughts. Be welcome to write us whenever you want.

    My wife and I give you our heartfelt blessings, and encouragement to look to the Father for your desire for a family and to wait for Him. It’s very, very much worth it. Marriages and babies excite us hugely, but even more are people who are willing to wait and trust Him. It’s soooooo much worth it.

    I’m going to share some of your thoughts with my 11 year old (going on 15!) daughter as well.

    Many regards,
    Indi

    1. Hi Indi, thank you so much for sharing your story. I am so encouraged by your words. Thank you 🙂 You’re right…trusting Him is an adventure, but one that is full of excitement and joy and fulfillment. so glad you stopped by! looking forward to your next post xox

      1. Caralyn, thank you for stopping by and reading my posts, esp the ‘What Would I Do?’ one which didn’t get many views (which is really all right with me). I wanted to thank you for the post you’ve written to your future husband, because it was hugely brave and was the sort of risky thing that God just loves. I know you know the struggle to fill in clothes that we need to stitch for ourselves that are really too big for us, but that God wants us to stitch in faith. And His grace is more than sufficient, always. But especially, the post was special because I could show it to my daughter (she’s read many of your posts), and it kept a dialogue we’ve been having for a long time alive. I couldn’t find the post, so am writing to you via here; I couldn’t find a place to write to you directly without going through a post. I hope this is ok with you. One day my daughter is going to know all of my own story, and when that day comes, with its attendant pain and joy, I trust it will bring us (my daughter and I) closer and not drive a wedge between us, because we’re such good friends. I was amazed to find another of your posts about your niece that had the same sentiment. There is such a journey on in your life, and much fruit that God is bring forth through it. We’re continuing to pray for your marriage, for that very special man who will complete you and God’s amazing purpose through both of you. Please let us know when you are sure you have met him. You can write to us directly on our email through the form on our contact page. I don’t have much spare time to do social networking (am not on most sites) so email is really my preferred mode of communication. Many regards and blessings in Christ from us, Indi.

      2. Hi Indi, wow, I am so incredibly touched by this note. thank you so much! My heart is so warm tonight, thinking about you and your daughter sharing your hearts and having such a positive dialogue. The bond between mother and daughter is so so precious. I come to appreciate that more and more every day — especially recently. I absolutely will let you know 🙂 thanks so much for your kind encouragement. Happy new year to you and yours! hugs xox

      3. 😀 Caralyn, I’m the dad. Lydia is my wife, as you’ll see in the blog pic. In the family, I’m the communicator and corresponder, closely followed by my daughter Hannah. My wife is a self-effacing, absolutely wonderful server and the best friend I’ve ever had. My daughter follows close behind too as a funny, loving and very sensitive friend. My relationship with her comes from my deep desire to reflect what God is like to her, and to be her best friend through life, whatever it may bring. We’re very close, all three of us. That’s why the wait is so worth it!! Many blessings over the new year for you and your family. Bests. I.

      4. Oh gosh, I’m so sorry for that mistake!!! 🙈🙈🙈 oh gosh. Sounds like you’ve got some pretty amazing women in your life. and wow what a beautiful thing for a dad to be for his daughter. My dad is a lot like that and let me tell you… there is nothin g more powerful in the world than a godly father.thanks again. Massive hugs xox

      5. No problem at all!! It’s understandable with a nickname like Indi, and a pretty huge compliment to be mistaken for a mother. Thankfully, the names Lydia and Hannah in our little family help to clear up some confusion about who or what I am. It’s actually a name a German friend gave me when I was in high school, and it stuck. 🙂 And you’re right, I cannot even begin to tell you what my wife and daughter mean to me. God bless you, and my very best regards to your parents. I’m sooo glad for what God is doing through you and your family. Please give your dad a strong handshake for me. 🙂

      6. haha 🙂 oh that’s a great story — I am always curious about the origins of names and nicknames. My niece calls me “Dooga” and let’s just say there’s quite the story behind that one! 🙂 🙂 haha I will! And my dad is big on handshakes…”the handshake makes the man!” 🙂 God bless you, Hannah, and Lydia, my friend xox

  66. Art, for now is our only form of time travel. Our social responsibility does not allow weakness, or even humility or fear. I’m proud of you. Agnes Cecile, an artist has a piece by this same name, “Glorious Wounds.”

  67. What an amazing blog, testimony, and revelation about the beauty of Jesus’ wounds. I thank God that you walk in the healing, deliverance, and wholeness that Jesus did to give you.

  68. Is it possible to have spiritual PTSD. Short answer is yes. See we are a mirror. We is our human spirit, body and mind. What happens to our spirit gets rfflected in out bodies and minds. Out spirit is capable of being traumatized and in essence what happens to it is that it gets stained with a bruise or a trauma. This experience results in a bond being formed. The bond is anchored to our spirit, mind and body as well as the place and even the people it happened with.
    Yes there is scripture about webs in the bible. This is one of those things that can get us attached to this web or matrix of the wiles of the enemy.

    I had it and was graced with s series of dreams to let me see an entire season which I had not only been defiled but also had defiled others as well as place and time. time is an element of what God has made and it too can and will be defiled.

    This element (time) is one of your primary areas of spiritual authority. If this has any witness or reasonance am happy to link you to some ministers who can share with you some more of these concepts if so led?

    My walk was that Jesus set me free from this wile of the enemy and than received confirmations and an authorityas to timing inmy life.

    garry

      1. Here is a deep macro view of the PTSD paradigm which is effecting millions of people. Unfortunately women are the leading edge of the carnage left in the wake of the Big F( feminism) Men and boys in the next generation are trailing.
        Biblically speaking the war has always been aimed first against man who was destined to have been the priest in his union of man and woman. Not as one who is in charge over the woman but submitted to his husband( Jesus) as the bride of Christ and than equally to his bride on earth. This was the original prototype. Wow has it been and is being so polluted and corrupted. For those in pain or are emerging from it please know that Jesus can, will not only heal but can restore. Trust him….. he does know what he is doing!
        https://www.henrymakow.com/2017/03/obrien-femininism-cop-out.html

      2. If led can forward many various forms of formidable spirit led non churchy sources of some of the cutting edge of ministry in the domain of the fake narrative so many have been subjected to. My wife and I were given the grace to have ministered to several folks who were shoved pretty far down this rabbit hole. Jesus himself entered the fray with us to lead us in prayer for the freedom of these beautiful people who were set free of this bondage and are now walking in victory and have gained a specific authority in this arena of ministry.
        Blessings
        g

      1. Most interesting, yet very prophetic thing for another bruised time traveler to share.
        Thanks for sharing. Ya got a great gift for writing. Must have had ancestors who were scribes.
        Mine were the tribe of Levi.Many were Rabbi’s who came as immigrants.
        All ancient history -( twinkies under the bridge)
        If you ever wonder about freedom and need to just stop time travel for a while…… can share some most explosive things.
        Keep up the great writing!

  69. Speaking of wounds… shed some baggage today I’ve been holding on to…still kinda’ shaky but the truth is what sets us Free. Thanks for your encouragement and motivation!

  70. Thank you so much for liking my last blog post! I am new to the blog arena but struggled with my own eating disorder 6 long years. I am currently 12 years recovered. If I could ever be a guest writer for your blog, please let know! Proud of you for all of the work you are doing!

    1. Thanks for stopping by and for sharing your story. I’m sorry that that connects our pasts but I am so glad we’ve both embraced the freedom of recovery! Yes for sure. Big hugs xox

  71. Hello! I am not sure how you found my blog a week or so ago, but I was really happy to see I have readers other than my family and some close friends. I have tagged several of my entries with the word STROKE and DEALING WITH LOSS, so that is probably how we crossed our paths. My mom had a stroke when I was only 3 (I am 45 now) so I really feel your pain. Have faith in her, and also , it is amazing what a stubborn mind can do! My mom’s determination is what has her still here with us, despite the crisis she had this last summer. Your are a very beautiful and smart young woman, and regardless of your mom’s recovery speed, she will ALWAYS be there for you, with you. Are you getting married soon? I couldn’t put all the pieces together and I could not find your blog entry when you explained about the stroke. Best wishes! Keep writing- you are GOOD

    1. Thanks so much for your kind words. I’m so sorry that you can personally relate. Your mom sounds pretty incredible. No im not getting married. I’m actually single! I guess that wasn’t clear but I was talking about my future wedding. Haha. Thanks for your encouragement. Hugs and love xox

  72. Dearest Writer,

    Your story within the confines of this blog is an inspiration. Though I’ve only read a few, amongst a significant amount, I can truly see your beauty, your priceless worth, and your incredible story. You’re a remarkable lady, BBB, and I hope to tread through your thoughts in the future.

    -D.V.

  73. Dear friend,

    Well done written and analysed concerning our wounds in our life. Yes, we all have these scars and were suffering from it at certain times. Somtimes they were bitter medicine but gradually they helped us too to learn from it, to enrich us once we have overcome those sufferings. Isn’t life like a mirror or an echo of our own thoughts, words and deeds? Like a cause and effect and like a balance of good and bad things? In the end they are lessons for us to learn from in the school of life and when our trust in God is growing so strongly that we are able to surrender in this trust and confidence in Him then all our problems suddenly become smaller and smaller while we have our attention in Him.

    Thanks for sharing 🙂
    Have a happy time
    Didi(Artist)

    1. Hi Didi, thank you so much for this beautiful reflection. So true – that surrendering in trust to Him is what life is all about. It definitely is easier said than done, and is something i have to work on every single day. hugs to you xox

  74. Glorious Wounds, not a pop fad topic but a foundation to walking with an abundant God who wants you to live an abundant life, now and forever…. Maybe,,,Jesus will look at your scars and say ” You are my child, your marks prove it, only my children have scars like mine. I love you my child…

  75. In the beginning, God brought order and beauty (and life!) out of the primordial chaos. Could anyone have predicted that? No. But God had plans. (“My plans are not your plans.”) Out of slavery, got brought liberation and a people curiously his own. Out of suffering and death and persecution, God worked the Resurrection. Who ever expects the Resurrection? Likewise, out of the chaos of the human condition and the ravages of addiction and disease, God can raise us to new life. Nearly 28 years ago, I was hopelessly lost in the maze of alcoholism and as good as dead. I sit here today telling you about my new life as a sober and happy father, husband, physician, and believer, not because I heard about God, but because I met the One who calls into life what did not exist and gives life to what was dead. My wounds, like yours, were where the light got in and began the process of new life and blessings for others. Each of us is God’s own beloved, and when we are lost God seeks us and finds us and brings us to new life, if we allow it. Your journey is a treasure and I appreciate you sharing it with others. Life in Christ only becomes a gift when it is given.

  76. Thank you for sharing your journey. What’s the best way to check out your oldest blog post and read your journey from there?

    1. Thanks so much. I think to go back in the archives on the right hand side to the earliest date and then click previous post on each one. Wow I am so honored that you would want to read it. Thank you:) hhb

      1. Oh totally! I was really exposed to eating disorders during my senior year of undergrad. Being a therapist and social worker now, it is crucial to appreciate the narratives of others who have undergone the struggle. Ofc I think it is an honor for me to read your journey and I hope I can benefit.

        Btw is there a recent blog post where you share things that you’ve learned along the journey (after looking back)? I’m sure you look back and reflect on it often

      2. Thank you again. Yes! My most recent one Recovery:10 years later has some total reflection. As well as “Top 4 things I’ve learned in recovery”. Hope that helps. Hugs and love xox

  77. Thanks for your like on my latest post. I am so grateful I stumbled across your blog. I’ve enjoyed the raw authenticity with your writing and I look forward to reading about your journey.

  78. How amazing it is how God will use us to inspire one another and spur each other on to good deeds! I pray this blog will inspire others as well. God bless. –E.R. Peters

  79. I echo your other comments: What a beautiful post and testimony! I can imagine our Lord smiling as He watches His light shine through your scars. Keep up the great work! 🙂

  80. God uses us when we hit bottom and we can only look up. It is only after we become broken and quit relying on our own power that His light shines. i want to see the world through His eyes. you are doing well in serving Him. Keep up the good work.

  81. What an encouraging post reminding us of our Ultimate Healer, Jesus Christ – thank you so much! The fact that God’s grace covers us and He takes our wounds and the pain in our lives and uses them as instruments for His service is powerful. God can transform those of us who are hurting into wounded healers, people who can help others with their testimony, and that is exactly what Jesus did, and that’s what you are doing too. Thank you for the hope and inspiration you are sharing! It is glorifying Him.

  82. Hello
    I’ve been meaning to leave you a note for a while now. You seem to be a frequent reader of my blog – thequotidiantheologian.wordpress.com – and thank you for that! I read one of your blog posts a few months ago (I can’t find it now), where you spoke about being at a garden party, and underneath a seeming air of indifference, people really wanted to talk about faith. I was struck by how open you were about your faith, and it encouraged me to be more open about mine – I’m Muslim, and living my life walking God’s Path is everything to me, but I always had it like I had to hide it because ‘nobody wants to talk about faith openly!’. It’s outlooks like yours that help encourage others to openly embrace their faith and be unapologetic about how important it is in their lives as modern humans (and women, come to think about it). I would be delighted if my words could do the same for somebody else, too.
    All the best with your work and blog
    Nazish

  83. Incredibly moving and powerfully written post. Definitely puts a new spin on looking at what I consider my “unresolved grief.” The pain I’ve endured [the loss of a loved one] has shaped me into who I am today—it first made me strong and rather invincible and then tired of running and out of steam, moved me into a very dark place—but recently I identified the root of my pain [through writing]—and I no longer have to seek diversion from the it [the drinking]. I can look at that pain and know it and understand it and it doesn’t hurt so much anymore. I, too, have come away from the Darkness.

  84. This is really beautiful and awesome that your sharing this. God is about building perfection (the bigger picture which we don’t always see at the start),building relationship(s) and going on a beautiful journey with us that has already been predestined for victory ad he uses vulnerability to do this. A lot of today’s society is afraid of vulnerability but it is so important and so special and it will not only help your life but the life of at least one other person whether or not you notice, keep that awesome courage and faith 😀
    x

  85. This is so good! You have not let the wounds in your life define who you are, but have allowed them to shine the light of Christ through them in order to bring hope to others who have gone or are going through anorexia.
    God bless you!
    KEEP THE LIGHT ON!

  86. I really appreciate God for the wonderful gift he has blessed the world with your life and your ministry. I have read a couple of your post and I am so blessed. It is so wonderful to see people who are not ashamed to share their lives, the good, bad and ugly so others can be inspired and encouraged. I pray that God will continue to strengthen you and uphold you in all that you do. May you continue to draw more men unto Him and may your light continue to shine before men and bring glory to the father. God Bless you🤗

    1. oh my gosh Esther, this comment literally has brought a tear to my eye. thank you so much. i appreciate your prayers and your encouraging words so incredibly much. big hugs to you friend xo

  87. First off, you’re beautiful. As a sister in Christ I am so encouraged by your site. What you are doing is just awesome. Yeah, I don’t even really know what else to say…I am just so encouraged to see your beautiful site and to see God’s love in action in you. It’s truly beautiful. You will make a difference. 🙂

  88. I love your blog! Thank you for sharing your story. You are shining light on so much suffering! I believe that in you sharing your suffering helps others to know they are not alone. Your story deeply moves me. I see you as a woman with great courage. Know that you are making a difference. My heart goes out to you. ❤ Thank you!

  89. Firstly, thank you for visiting my blog 🙂 And as a fellow scarred person, I truly appreciate your insights into life and your inspirational outlook on it all. God bless and good luck on your journeys!

  90. This is extremely inspirational. I just started going through recovery last month for my eating disorder that I’ve been struggling with for a few years. I look forward to starting from the beginning with your blog and reading all the way up to now to be current with your post. From the few post I’ve read you’ve already inspired me so much with my recovery. I recently started a blog to also talk about my recovery with my eating disorder. Thank you for having such an inspiring blog! Have a great week!

    1. Thank you so much friend, for sharing your story. I will definitely be keeping you in my prayers as you start your journey. You’ve got this, friend. You’ve chosen to reclaim life and that is to be celebrated. You are a freakin rock star and i believe in you! Hugs and love xox

  91. I loved how you talked about all of us having scars and that we should not hide them. I am truly proud of mine and know that it helped me be the person I am today. I know that God had designs on how I got them and I am appreciative for it. You are truly strong for sharing your self.

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