I Grew Up This Week

I grew up this week.


There are few moments in life that change you. That truly transform you. Shake you into existence. Illuminate what is actually important in life and where your priorities should be.

And this past week, I had my first real life altering experience.

My mom had a stroke.

I thought that going through severe anorexia and a year-long  ulcerative colitis flare changed me, but honestly, I have never before had to grow up so fast in my life.

The time after the event was a blur. The dim glow of a lone florescent overhead in a sterile hospital room at 2:30am is disorienting in itself. But under the current circumstances, I found myself calling on the motto my mother had always instilled in me from day one of my own recoveryJust do the next right thing. 

And so I did just that. Watching my mother sleep, I didn’t know if I was more scared that she wouldn’t wake up, or what she would be like if she did. So I turned to a source of comfort – writing…to Jesus.

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And I’ve decided to share what I wrote that night…

I’m writing right now because writing is all I can do.

My mind is in five hundred different places and I need to talk or scream or cry or punch something, but I just can’t. Not today. Not here. Not now.

So I sit. Listening to Indian flute radio on Pandora and pray.

Last night my mom had a stroke.

And by the grace of God, I was here at home and not in NYC.

I’m sitting here, curled up in my big puffy coat and watching my mom sleep in her hospital bed. And I’m helpless. I cannot give her back the memories that she’s lost. I can’t give her back the Rolodex of faces in her mind that she no longer recognizes.

I mourn for the loss of her memories of who I am and what we went through and the joy we have shared. I mourn for the loss of the mother I once knew.

And so all I can do is pray. And since I don’t have the words or the energy for anything else, that’s just what I’ll do.

Lord Jesus,

I come before you tonight and I’m collapsing into your arms scared and worried and devastated about my mother’s stroke.

And I place her into your arms, Lord. Protect her. Heal her. Restore her. Bring back the woman that was full of life and vibrancy and a joy for life.

Lord I ask you also to be with my father. He is a pillar of strength, but he needs support too. Wrap him in your firm embrace and uphold his worried heart.

Jesus, there is peace that only you can bring, and I am calling on you Lord for just that. You, who rose from the grave, are capable of miracles, and I am praying that your will be done. But if that were to include the complete and total restoration and healing of my mother, that would be great.

Keep us close to you, Jesus, in this hour of great worry and fear. And move in her mind and body to restore your fierce warrior -your faithful and on-fire servant. She has given her life to sharing Your goodness, now if it be your will, I pray you pour out your saving and healing power over her.

Anyway Lord, thank you for protecting her and keeping her alive after the episode. I am beyond grateful for the second chance you have given her in the fact that she is alive and talking at all. Your mercy truly reigns.

I love you Lord.

Amen

My mom has come a long way since then. A long way. It is hard to believe that it has only been two weeks since we almost lost her. She’s conversing, laughing, dancing.

She’s physically 100%, but still having some memory and word recall difficulties. But we are very hopeful for a full recovery.

When something like this happens, certain things become very clear. Very fast.

You find out real quick what is truly important in life: Your Family. Your Loved Ones. And God. Everything else can wait. Acting careers. New Year’s Eve parties. your own needs, really. None of it matters when you’re faced with life or death.

And that is precisely why I’m moving home. Temporarily. To help my best friend during this critical period in her recovery.

This woman is my life blood, and I’m going to be there for her, just as she has been there for me my entire life.

And there’s nowhere else I’d rather be.

This is an anonymous blog, which, obviously, allows me to share this and other personal details about my life. So I ask that if you know me in real life, please do not share this information about my mother. She will share with people when she’s ready. And I thank you for respecting that.

Every day, I’m learning so much. Especially about prayer. But also about God. About Grace. And Courage. And I’m really looking forward to sharing those things with you over the next few weeks or months…or, who knows.

God does.

He’s got her. And in addition to “Doing the next right thing,” I’m also going to call upon my new motto as of Tuesday at 8pm…Jesus, I trust in You. 

Oh, and one last thing…thank you for the outpouring of love, support and prayers these last few days. I know that her tremendous progress thus far is in part thanks to you incredible prayer warriors. Thank you with all my heart.

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beautybeyondbones

BBB: Because we're all recovering from something. // For speaking/business inquiries: beautybeyondbones@yahoo.com

625 thoughts on “I Grew Up This Week

  1. On Thu, Jan 12, 2017 at 4:00 PM BeautyBeyondBones wrote:

    > > > > Hi BBB,

    > Our prayers are with you. These are the best and worst of times, but with > the Lord they all turn to Glory.

    > Thanks,

    > Gary > > > > > > > > > > > > > > beautybeyondbones posted: “I grew up this week. > > > There are few moments in life that change you. That truly transform you. > Shake you into existence. Illuminate what is actually important in life and > where your priorities should be. > > And this past week, I had my first real life alte” > > > > > > > > > >

    Liked by 1 person

  2. My mum is 86 years old. She is an old lady. At Christmas she got pneumonia and her old body went into heart failure and my dad, my siblings, her grandchildren all held our breath and waiting. Some of us prayed some of us didn’t. I did. God replied, not yet! She would not die yet, it was not her time. As she recovered i sat talking to her and mentioned that some friends had prayed for her too and she had prayed and God had said Not yet! I smiled at her and said, that’s what he told me too – not yet.

    It is scary when things happen that we cannot control, but all we can do is pray and wait for the answer and this time, it may be ‘not yet’ but one day our mother’s will be released from this life and we will know that it was the right time for them to go, as God will tell us that it was,

    I hope your mother will continue to improve, one day at a time.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi Beverley, thank you so much for sharing. I’m so sorry that your mom was sick over Christmas. I’m glad she’s doing well now. You’re right- we can prayer and wait for God’s answer. Thanks for the encouragement and prayers. Hugs and love xox

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  3. I totally resonated with this post because my mom–who’s also my best friend–suffered two strokes almost two years ago. She’s better now, but suffers from Expressive (Broca’s) Aphasia–which is a result of the strokes–and sometimes has trouble expressing some words. From this experience, I learned about having patience & asking for help–especially the latter–because as the sole caregiver, it’s a lot to take on. In my case, my mom became ill, in addition to my brother already being ill. ☹️

    Prayers for you & your mom, and that she heals quickly. 🙏🏽🙂👩‍👧

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Hi Jessie, oh my goodness, I am so sorry to hear that your mom went through that. Praise God that she’s better now. Yes, I am definitely learning patience too. Oh gosh, my heart and prayers are with you and your family. big hugs to you and yours xox

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  4. Hey bbb, I know I’m the 322nd commment on this. I have not been able to get out much virtually speaking for a while. My father in law had a stroke about 2 months ago now. I know a little about how you feel. Hang in there lady. Yours are on a very short list of bloggers I still make the time to read when I get to it, and a shorter list of blogs I take the time to comment on. But I mean it when I say I am praying for you and your family. Hugs in this sucky valley you have been walking through.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hey Dan, oh gosh, I am so sorry to hear that your father in law suffered a stroke recently. Gosh, i will definitely keep him and your family in my prayers. aw, that’s kind of you to say. thank you 🙂 truly. it means a lot. Same to you. hang in there. hugs xox

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Praying for you. I’m glad she is doing better. Those moments do make you stop and realize what’s important. My son had a traumatic brain injury almost 3 years ago (which he fully recovered from) and even though the world kept moving, those days in the hospital were where I learned to praise God in the storm. He has this. xox

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much for your prayers and support. Oh wow, that sounds like it was a frightening time for you and your family. Praise God that he is fully recovered!!! Oh my gosh that is so good. Yes. Even in the storm, God is good. Hugs and love xox

      Liked by 1 person

  6. Prayers for you and your family! I have had a journey with my mom in the last few years as well. Every minute is precious. You are right where you need to be. It is grace and God will see you through. He will bring you to a more intimate place with Him through this in ways you never thought possible. He will hold you. Praying for you …

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much Joy. I so appreciate your prayers. I hope your mom is okay too. You’re right- moments together need to be cherished. Amen – God has been holding up my family here recently. Thanks again. Hugs and love xox

      Liked by 1 person

  7. So beautifully written. Thank you for sharing your life with us through words. I have been thinking about this inevitable moment a lot lately…you know? That moment when I will no longer be able to deny that the roles have reversed and it is now my duty (and honor) to care for my own mother. The insight you have shared here causes me to consider my reaction: Faith, prayer and unselfishness will have to prevail. At least, I hope they do!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much Tyra. I so appreciate your kind words and prayers. Yeah, definitely. it was a bit of an adjustment at first, but I am confident that my mom with make a full recovery:) I’m clinging to that hope! Thanks for stopping by! Hugs and love xox

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  8. I felt the same way when my father was diagnosed with cancer last year. It becomes so clear that what matters is family, the people you love. Being there for the people who were there for you when you most needed them. An old friend’s father told me last weekend, ‘It’s so good to see people returning to the old values.’ Hugs to your mum and I hope she makes a full recovery.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi Eva, thank you so much for this thoughtful note. I’m so sorry to hear your father’s diagnosis. i will definitely keep him and your family in ym prayers. Thank you for your encouragement. hugs xox

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  9. Father God, Holy is your name. By the stripes of Jesus, healing is this mother’s portion. Wrap your arms of love around the mother and daughter. Your peace sustain them as they fix their eyes on you. We praise your name for your light casting out the darkness. Comfort them. Thank you! Amen!

    Liked by 2 people

  10. wow. just, wow. my heart aches with you, dear girl!
    this post pulled me back about 20+ years, when my mom suffered her first heart attack (we worked together in the same office), and yes, things like that truly pull you into a different reality. I’m grateful my mom is still here, creating precious footprints on this earth, and I pray that your mother will continue to heal, and continue to grow in strength, and that the two of you will grow together in faith, and love! Praying for you both – praying for ALL of you, your father included! my heart is warmed by the sincerity and transparency in your reliance on the Lord; your faith is a beautiful thing!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much for your prayers and support. I’m so sorry that can relate at such a personal level. I’m so glad that she’s doing well. God is good and we really can rely on Him. Thanks again for this thoughtful and encouraging note. Hugs and love xox

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I think God allows us to go through similar experiences so that we can relate on such a personal level – we NEED each other; we need community! The Word reminds us not to forsake gathering together in community, and to bear with one another! We were designed as social beings! It’s never pleasurable to endure tragedy; but it’s particularly heartbreaking to endure it alone!

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      2. I’ve never thought of that before but that’s a really interesting thought! Because you’re right, we DO need each other and we need to have someone understand what we’re going through. We are really relational beings and these things bring people together. What a powerful prospective! Thanks again xox

        Liked by 1 person

  11. Wow. So hard to see through my tears. I am praying for your family. When my dad had a stroke (1995 at 87 years old) I wrote an article for my FAITHWALK newsletter.
    Title: “I Asked My Father to Save My Father”. God did it for me and has done it for you! And while you go through this, thank God for that one set of footprints – and snuggle yourself in His loving arms as He continues to carry you. Praise Him!!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so so much for your prayers and support. It means the world. I am so sorry to hear that you know first hand what this was like. Wow, what a powerful article. you’re right- God is absolutely carrying us. What a comforting thought. Big hugs to you xox

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  12. This resonates with me. I am guessing I am around your mom’s age, but in the past year my own mother had a huge health crisis, so I can really relate to what you are feeling. (Yeah, we never quit growing up, it’s a process!)
    Music has always been a balm for me during stressful times, and right around the time my mom was in the hospital last year was when a song came out called “Trust in You” by Lauren Dagle. It really spoke to me. Prayers going up for your mom’s continued recovery.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much for your prayers and support. It truly means the world. I’m so sorry you can relate to this personally with your own mother. I will definitely keep her and your whole family in my prayers. I’ll definitely give that song a listen! Big hugs to you xox

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I have just read this and will offer a special prayer for you all tonight. The fact that you were there to love and support her is God’s work in itself.

        I hope the journey ahead brings her back to health, happiness and faith and enriches your relationship too. It can be a privilege to serve and care for our parents when they need us most.

        Liked by 1 person

  13. God Bless you. God Bless you and your Mom every day!! Biggest hugs and love. I pray she continues to get better. Indian Flute is beautiful isn’t it? I have cds by R. Carlos Nakai, and John Two-Hawks. So soothing when I need something not so energizing as Salsa. More hugs!!

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      1. In would love to Salsa Dance with you!! I would love to have you join me this June in NYC to come with me to the awesome music store in Brklyn I am going to seek out for the 1st Time. Salsa will be blaring from the place!! Its a Latin Music Store that I haven’t been to yet. I would love to show you!!

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  14. Your words speak truth. Sometimes in life we have to decide what and who is more important. I was just telling my youngest daughter the other day as a matter of fact that socializing with friends for me is not as important as other things that I need to deal with and choose to do. It’s not that I don’t care about my friends, but right now for me, my family is more important, and getting myself closer to God so I can have the strength, perseverance, wisdom, to be around others who I can be a better witness and example of Christ to.
    I will keep you and your family in my prayers, my friend.
    God Bless you.
    Tiffany

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    1. Tiffany! Hi! thank you again for your kind words. Sounds like you are a great mom. You’re right, priorities are important to stick by. And for me, I’m right there with ya — family is so big for me in this season. thank you for the prayers. it means the world. know that you and yours are in mine too 🙂 hugs xox

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  15. This is undoubtedly one of the most beautiful prayers I have ever heard, coming from the depths of your soul. Every time you pray, you are surrounded by a force field of divine grace. This is the power of the resurrection, the power of the Risen Lord’s love.

    “Where there is prayer, the fallen spirits have no power.”
    ― Thaddeus of Vitovnica

    😉 For your mother: In the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth, rise up and walk!

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    1. Oh my goodness, what a kind thing for you to say! Thank you so much. yeah, it was a pretty special night in the chapel with my mom. I think you’re right – there is grace working when we pray. Thank you for your prayer for my mom! Amen!! 🙂 So glad you stopped by! big hugs to you, friend xox

      Liked by 1 person

  16. I’m having a ball fest catching up on all your posts. As I read this, it reminded me of an short, but powerful experience I had today. Maybe it was for you, as much as it was for me…maybe more .

    Anyway, I’m a Flight Attendant and there was this older woman who needed help getting her things off of the plane. I grabbed them as I watched her struggle with her cane to move into the aisle. The whole time, I was looking at how beautiful her hair was: A vibrant salt and pepper mane that I know felt just like silk. As she moved slowly and shakily, her hair did just the opposite. With every movement she made, her loose curls bounced with life. I finally had to tell her how beautiful her hair was. When I did, she told me that she had had breast cancer and all of her hair had fallen out and that it was just beginning to grow back. I had no words, as she slowly walked away. I know that that was a reminder that no matter what things may seem to be, God will take care of His children. Sometimes, it seems like life gets snatched from us and we lose our footing. God, will give back what He allows to be taken, plus so much more. A set back, is often just part of a plan for God’s next perfect setup. And, I’ve seen this happen in my own life. When I lost my brother to a car accident, my world caved. But surprisingly, it was through such a devastating period in my life that I learned to trust God completely.

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    1. Wow, Celestial, thank you so much for sharing that beautiful encounter you had with that woman. How truly touching.You’re right, God will restore us. I have total faith in that. And I am so sorry that your brother is no longer with us. How terribly tragic.It sounds like God has got you in the palm of His hand. Sending you the biggest hugs. xox

      Liked by 1 person

  17. May I add an amen to that beautiful prayer on behalf of your mother. I left WordPress in December, but the Lord pressed upon my spirit to revisit some familiar blogs, and so I learned about your mother’s illness.

    Not too many Christmases ago my Dad suffered a stroke, and died in the hospital. I was devastated, and the only thing that saved me was faith in God. I remember doing the dishes that New Year’s evening, thinking that I couldn’t go on, and then I felt an indescribable sensation much like a glass being filled with water. Sort of mysterious that as I was cleaning the dishes, God washed away my agonizing grief.

    I pray that your mother and family are healed by God’s incredible grace and mercy.

    [Life events have a way of putting things in perspective. They can alter our course — maybe even refocus (or change) our goals. But we take comfort knowing that by faith God’s will be done.]

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