I Am Not Invincible

I’m angry tonight.


I am angry because I have been brutally reminded that I am not invincible.

I received a comment (which has since been deleted) that taunted me to revisit and reexamine my disordered thoughts when I was deep in my anorexia. The commenter prodded me to describe exactly the allure of anorexia – Why was it so attractive when I was in deep in the throes.

And when I read that comment I could feel the hairs on the back of my neck begin to stand on end.

For three reasons:

One: Because that thinking is the thinking of death. Those thoughts are destructive. They are hurtful. And they are not from God.

Two: Because I was angry that I was getting bullied to re-entertain and describe the thoughts that nearly killed me eight years ago.

Three: I was angry because even thinking about thinking about those thoughts made me realize one big thing: I am not invincible.

My chest began to tighten. My muscles tensed. And for the shortest minute, I remembered how, at the time, those destructive thoughts were so attractive to me. So alluring. So seductive. Having to think about what made anorexia so enticing was like remembering what the forbidden fruit tasted like. Sweet. Succulent. And juicy.

And the second that feeling of remembrance began to come over me, I literally closed my computer, got up, and took a walk and said the rosary because that shit will NOT be occupying my mind.

No sir.

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Now you may pause, and say, but you write about your past on a regular basis. How has this not happened before? Don’t you deal with this every time you publish?

And the answer is, no.

You see, though I write about my past, I write about it more in the abstract. I keep an arm’s distance from it at all times. A couple of my earlier posts went into more of the darkness associated with the disease, but you will notice that my writing does not dwell on that. It focuses on the hope. On the renewal. On the transformation. On the freedom.

There are topics that I do not revisit because they are not good for my recovery or mental health. And what this person brought up is one of them: what made ED attractive.

It’s like asking an alcoholic to describe their first buzz.

There’s a saying that goes, If you bring your past with you and let it impact your future, it’s not really the past. 

There are things that I have left in the past that I will not drudge up again. Because even though I am strong in my recovery, I know that I am not invincible. There are things, such as trying to recall what made anorexia alluring, that I simply cannot think about without stumbling. Things that I cannot and will not bring with me into my present or future.

And I was angry that I allowed my buttons to be pushed and angry that I allowed myself to be bullied into thinking about those things.

But, if I’m being really 100% honest, I was angry that my mind went to that place it did.

And that was a reminder that I need God

He is my stronghold. He is my rock. He is my source of recovery.

And if I take my eyes off of Him for even a second, it allows ED’s flaming darts to start coming at me on the attack.

No bueno.

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And I’m going to be honest, this affected me tonight. I was on edge. Down. Discouraged. Hurt. Angry. Disheartened.

And falling asleep, I just got this reminder that I don’t have to do it alone.

I’m not expected to be invincible.

God does not expect us to be perfect.

But… He does expect us to give our weaknesses to Him. 

So that He can be invincible.

That’s the truth. That’s the beauty of our Father. That’s the hope.

That’s what gets us through the temptations.

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So no, I’m not invincible. I know what I can and can’t write about or think about. And I will respect those boundaries.

But I also know that no matter what, I have a God I can depend on. A God who will be my strength.

I will keep my eyes on Jesus.

 

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**Just a little housekeeping**

I want to invite you all to check out my Patreon page and consider supporting BBB. The blog is remaining exactly the same, there are just some pretty sweet perks for BBB supporters – such as podcast versions of the posts and exclusive content. I have some exciting plans for BBB, such as a YouTube channel -where yes, you will see my whole face!! 😂 And a book and a cookbook. Your contribution – even $1 – will help me continue to put in the cosiderable time and effort to make BBB what it is! Thank you! Hugs and love xox

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beautybeyondbones

BBB: Because we're all recovering from something. // For speaking/business inquiries: beautybeyondbones@yahoo.com

463 thoughts on “I Am Not Invincible

  1. God wants us to draw near to Him. Where ever we happen to be and whatever burdens we happen to carry. Lay your burdens at the Cross. Pray. Stay strong. Thank you for sharing your journey.

    1. Hi Rick, thank you for this reflection. You’re so right – we need to just lay our burdens at His feet. What a comfort to know He is always there for us. Thanks for stopping by. hugs and love xox

  2. Im sorry my life. You have many people who respect you hugely, and a God who adores you.
    Ive stepped back from blogging on the whole, because of one person whose viciousness took a firmer place in my head that it should have. Deciding on our boundaries is such an imoortant thing to do- hard, when youre a people pleaser, but important.
    ❤️

    1. Hi Eva, thank you so much for your encouraging words. I really appreciate your kindness. You’re right – boundaries are definitely something that need to be respected. But God is good. And He is our rock. Thanks for stopping by! hugs and lots of love xox

  3. Well done for standing firm and pushing back! We are not meant to focus on the unhealthy things, but as it says in Philippians 4:8 “Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.” And when things get tough, as Philippians goes on to say “I can do all this through him who gives me strength.”

    1. Thank you so much for this Tim. You’re so right – I absolutely LOVE that verse from Philippians. It’s written on my mirror in my room! There’s a lot of wise things in that book 😉 Thanks again for your kindness. Hugs and love xox

  4. Yep,me too today for various seasons ( been hounded by the press) was last seen running down the street shouting ” I’m a strong, independent, American, woman and I don’t need anyone to complete me’) hilariously I am on,y a bit strong, English, not american and have no desire to be complete….I just wanted to shout and laugh because the joy of the Lord is my strength and that makes me want to run, barefoot,
    anywhere and laugh my socks off!

    1. Hi Jacqui, thanks for sharing this! So glad you can relate! haha yes! Amen to that! The Lord really IS our strength and I’ll run barefoot with ya on that one! 🙂 Have a great night! hugs and love xox

  5. Don’t let anyone steal your joy. Things that aren’t good for you will come at you in many ways but stand firm. None of us are invincible but when someone purposely try to reel you in for whatever reasons, you know that place where you shouldn’t go. You will be tested in life and with your anorexia but you know where you have been and where you are going. Look back at it as something in your past that is guiding your future and keep it just where it is, in your past. What you are doing is a wonderful thing, so do not let 1 person rob you of what you have worked so hard to gain. Wishing you the best, you will be fine. Blessings.

    1. Hi Corrie, thank you so much for this great perspective. You’re so right – the past is just that: the past. I’m not going to give it the time of day and carry it with me, but rather use it to help others. thanks for your kindness, as always:) You really are a blessing. have a beautiful night. hugs and love xox

  6. Sending you love and hugs and peace be with you! I really think writing inspired stuff means listening to the Holy Spirit, and ignoring those other voices!! Keep staying in the hands of God so he can carry you always. Plus our Lady’s got your back! 😘

    1. Hi there Anna! Thank you so much for the hugs 🙂 Sending you big hugs too! Amen to that: being in His hands is exactly where we want to be!! Yes! 🙂 So glad you stopped by! hugs and love xox

  7. I am so proud of you! It is easy to give into the temptation and revisit those miserable places. Because I am a “recovering Catholic”, I read your blog to bolster my faith in God. Faith does not have to be Catholic, and I suffered mightily at the hand of organized religion to the point that any form of organization sends me running to the hills. I read your blog to celebrate you and your faith. My faith in God/HIgher Power is strong. I know we, as confused, weak, vulnerable humans, need that faith. We need to believe in God. You recognized a manipulator and did not fall for the bait. Good for you!! Each moment, each hour, each day brings challenges. You inspire me to do better <3

    1. Hi Zooish, thank you so much for this beautiful reflection. I’m so glad that my posts resonate with you. That seriously makes my heart so warm 🙂 That’s so great that your bolstering your faith in God. at the end of the day, that’s what it’s all about: a relationship with our loving God 🙂 Have a wonderful night my friend. thanks again for your kind words xox

  8. Phenomenal post!!!! You rocked it ~ extremely proud of you for taking charge of “you”. Don’t allow misanthropes to sway you.

  9. Sweetie, the way you explain it makes it sound like it may have been a spiritual attack. I’ve been dealing with some of my own, and it’s so far outside my theological comfort zone to think about such things, but I have to. Because I realize it’s a blind spot for me.

    You handled it brilliantly! You went straight to God. Good for you, kiddo. You are one spiritually smart cookie;)

    1. Hi friend thank you so much for your kind words. Yeah, those attacks are no joke. I’m sorry you’ve been battling that. Yes, we’ve gotta go straight to the Big Guy. Let Him be our strength! Sending you a big hug! Thanks for stopping by xox

  10. Only your second post I’ve read. I’m in love with the maker, and seeing Him interact with and change his creations is one of my favorite things, but oh! how rare it is. Thank you for being open and honest, not to mention talented and disciplined.

    Keep on standing up when the enemy shoves you down,
    keep on fighting even when you feel the pressure.

    Moving forward with ferocity is all we can do to get ahead.

    1. Hi Frederik, thank you so much for your encouragement. I’m so glad you’ve enjoyed your time here so far! Amen to that-God is so good and is truly at work in all of us! Hope you’re having a great week. Hugs and love xox

  11. And that was a reminder that I need God.
    He is my stronghold. He is my rock. He is my source of recovery.
    And if I take my eyes off of Him for even a second, …

    That’s a message, not of anger or despair – but of our hope!
    awesome.

  12. This sucks so bad babe! I get into those thought patterns when I see how a friend or student around me (#IvyLeagueCollegeTown) is being successful and I’m living my life differently. I see how living that life (perfectionist, academic, competitive) will probably make her money and give her the “American Dream”. However, I know that is not MY American Dream. That leads me to dark, destructive places. It sucks to be in that place.
    Praying for you <3

    1. Hi Ellie! Thank you so much for this. You’re right, it’s so easy to compare and get caught in that headspace. I know it well. I was the prez of my sorority, and living in a house with 55 girls, i definitely experienced that! So glad you can recognize when that thinking is slipping in. You’re right, we all have our individual dreams and that is 100% okay! Not everyone’s dreams look the same. that’s what makes life interesting! Sending you big big hugs my friend. Thanks for the prayers. xox

      1. You’re welcome:) I am feeling a little beter. I had to but new speakers and I picked up two. One had water in it and has dancing lights like The Bellagio, it was cute to watch but I got a second one, cheaper and better quality. I hope I do not get any more nonsense at home:)

      2. It won’t I am getting evicted bc my sisters bf wanted certain things done and then he planned and them getting a house. He wanted the dogs and me gone and my sister’s kids sleeping in their room. Plus she had a pigsty and he wanted it clean and I am not allowed to touch their stuff. So he concocted a scheme to get it. He called CPS on me and made my sister go nuts, took me out of the equation, he gave arsenic to the dogs and one died and he has managed to actually use the law and get me evicted. I am waiting for a next court date to get allocuted. Then I have time to look and I have agencies that will help me look.

      3. Oh my gosh, that sounds like a horrible situation. I am so so sorry that you’re having to go through that. Sounds like that guy could use a stern talking to! I wish there was something I could do. I will keep you in my prayers.

      4. Both of them are omnipotent and for years I heard him talking horribly about me. Mind you I was severely hurt and died twice in the ambulance and am dealing with the physical and it took two years to deal with the brain damage. I gave him a stern talking to as he thought he could dismiss me after trash talking I gave him a pistol whipping and any time he speaks up he is going to get more and more. He asks a dumb question like why can’t you get rent if you can for for internet? I just shake my head. they turn something that happens once into an always thing. A spot of water downstairs meant my ac did water damage. Nope I got someone to look at it. I will jam that at them if I hear anything about it. I said to my sister I wish I had that crystal ball that you constantly use and the if it happens once it is verified as all the time. It is annoying and hard to explain.

      5. Oh my goodness, what a nightmare. You are dealing with a lot. You don’t deserve to be treated like that. Hang in there. I truly hoping pray that things improve for you. And your sister. xox

      6. Thank you. My sister and I will never speak again after this. Even though she is a couple of years younger, she always tries to be a bully. She has things from the past completely wrong and she swears by them. She had a psychotic episode at 10? and does not remember all she did. She is in dire need of a psychiatrist and meds.

      7. Thank you. Hoonestly my sister needs to be locked up for a month, her bf is bipolar, pretends to be violent and is a stalker. My sister is also bi polar and has other things going around in her head. I take meds to sleep that are not sleeping meds. They are for other conditions but a side effect is sleepiness. I at least am getting some rest and I typically wake around 5am and take a half dose to get me to 8 or so. Then I am all good:)

      8. I am working on it. I may stay at my, term used loosely, step brother’s when I am forced out as I am trying to get some work and I have a couple of organizations that will help as I have paperwork. I have to go to family court to get an OOP from them. I keep getting responses from my reblog of you and then I see your eyes. Mine change from varying degrees of hazel, but yours are striking:)

      9. Oh gosh, thank you for that compliment. That’s a kind thing to say. Yay hazel eyes club! Haha hang in there buddy. Just take it day by day, minute by minute. Hopefully things will take a turn for the better here soon. Hugs and love xox

  13. I’m sad to hear that a reader got you going on this. But do you recall the blog I had about you just after I started reading you? I was – and remain – impressed at how even your darkest entries ended hopeful, if not completely bright. You relentlessly point to God as the Victor.

    That, Beauty, is your draw. That is why anyone, not just those with ED, can come to you and be uplifted. Think of nothing else but 10,000+ readers who come to you to be uplifted. No…scratch that. They come to you to see where you point to your Hope and Strength. 10,000+ hearts, soothed by the message of reassurance and redemption God gave you to preach.

    I wanna be like you when I grow up! 🙂

    1. Hi Jeffrey. Wow. I am so touched by your kind words. Seriously. You’ve got me all choked up. Thank you. I absolutely remember your beautiful big post. I have it saved on my computer actually:) I was so humbled by the kind and encouraging things you had to say. I cannot begin to express how much that meant to me. You are a good friend and I am truly blessed to know you 🙂 Hope this finds you well. Sending big big hugs and lots of love xox

      1. Long day; 11 hours of driving and stopping for conference calls, trying to just get home. My Sweetie Pie will be home from work in a couple hours; then, all will be well once again! Sleep well!

  14. I feel the same way about a few things. Of late I have been forced to basically be anorexic but my body does not act out like others, my metabolism speeds up. It’s odd. But I am forced to shop daily as I am unable to use any appliances and my food gets thrown out in the fridge or freezer and instead of going downstairs like nothing is going on I eat one meal a day and healthy snacks. This should have helped lose weight with increased biking but it did not. Then I am seeing multiple specialists and getting loads of meds that are no bueno and tests that leave me out of it and the crap I get at home. So I would rather stay on WP often as I even got rid of my TV after my cable was closed. I was resourceful enough to get internet after mine was shut. It all makes you pissed and you want to turn back a chapter or two. In my case a few chapters back were good and I am not letting these people keep me doing or make me sick and I altered my diet slightly 4 days ago and even though my resting and exercising heart rate are high there are no meds as I tried 5 so far that will help but give me bad side effects. I know you are a strong person and can get past this. I am dealing with a littany of people I have to deal with in person and it is no fun. By the way, that last pic is you? I never though I saw a pic of your face before:)

    1. Hi friend, thank you so much for sharing this. Oh my heart just goes out to you. I’m so sorry that you’re having to go through that. I hope that things get better soon. I’ll definitely keep you in my thoughts and prayers. And yes! That’s me 🙂 Hang in there friend. Sending you the biggest of hugs xoxox

  15. Well, this is a shock to me. I’ve never heard anybody describe an illness as something “attractive.” But if it was: describing that attractiveness might help somebody help a loved one struggling with ED. I wonder whether if you thought of that sharing as something that brings strength to others it might be possible to approach your past without falling into crisis. Kind of like you are infusing that past experience with your current relationship with God, and so helping others to heal?

    1. Hi Brian, thank you for this reflection. You’re right, it’s almost disgusting now to look back and think about how I thought it was attractive. But sadly, that’s the truth. And it’s kind of a tricky situation. I can look back and view the past from the lens of helping people and to see how it was destructive. That is not “triggering.” But looking back and trying to remember what I “loved” about it — that is just a headspace that I do not need to flirt with. That will not help anyone – not me, not anyone suffering, not loved ones. It is just a dead end. And the thing about it was that the commenter was not coming from a place of wanting to know to help someone — it was coming from a malicious place, trying to get me to stumble, to slip up in darkness. It was a manipulation, truly. Any who, enough about that 🙂 hehe you’ve given me a lot of good stuff to think about. So thank you friend 🙂 Sending hugs and love xox

      1. Well, this is important to me as well, BBB. I don’t understand the attraction. I mean, there’s the idea in psychology that we have “thought patterns” that are reinforced by neuronal connections and blood flow, and so it actually feels like our brain is operating on a higher level when we engage in self-destructive thinking. This is also true of the fight-or-flight response, where the amygdala takes over the energy supply to the brain, and the cortex really languishes. Those neurophysiological patterns also, of course, supply access points to personalities of pure spirit that suck energy out of us through those doorways, which is part of the physiological danger. They may have become pretty good at identifying and stimulating positive feedback circuits that create a positive, reinforcing feeling even when our body is collapsing.

        So obviously it’s all very subtle and complicated. In my own case, I’ve spent a lot of years “stalking myself”, which involves identifying those psychic parasites and telling them to get lost. I know that I still have one sitting on top of my hips that just doesn’t want to let go.

      2. Yeah, it is all very complicated and addictions and bad habits in themselves are a bit of an anomaly just in their very nature. I guess that’s where the disorder comes in: because they’re bad for us, and yet we do it anyways. Hope that makes sense, there were a lot of big words in there that I tried to decipher Hahahah 😂😂😂

      3. Blargh! Incomprehensibility is the side-effect of thinking about something for forty years! I remember at sixteen going out to sweep a parking lot (my way of paying for my pinball addiction) and ending up listening on the radio to Rollo May being interviewed about the nature of love. That was the first time I had that strong sense of compulsion that comes with my encounters with the cause that has consumed my life.

        You’re still young – you might find yourself using the same kind of vocabulary one day. It’s actually not such a big deal. My younger son Greg recognized a college friend while we were out at Chipotle a few weeks ago, and the fellow told me how smart Greg was. I just shrugged my shoulders, and his mom asked “And you didn’t have anything to do with that?” Later on I ended up putting my finger on it: I introduced Greg to ideas, but he had to learn to make friends with them. Once he took ownership of that responsibility (rather than relying upon his association with people that were smarter than him), things really took off for him.

      4. Oh pinball 🙂 My friend had one in her basement growing up — the addiction is real! It sounds like your son is a great guy. It’s true, we have to own our beliefs and ideas. At the end of the day, we have to make the decisions of what we do and don’t believe. Powerful thoughts – thanks again for sharing 🙂 xx

  16. Idk. This post made me want to ask a few questions so badly. Not that I want to pry into your business, but because I do wish for you the very best. I hate to do this, but here it goes… Have you ever considered another religion besides Catholicism? Have you thought about the effects of the rosary?
    The reason I ask is not to condemn, but to draw your mind to Christ. If Christ is in us, by Spirit, there is complete overcoming, complete transformation from one state to another.
    Christ doesn’t ask us to repeat a ritual prayer to approach Him. All he asks is for us to open our heart all the way and let him take over. With Christ’s Spirit inside at the helm, the old ailments completely disappear and fall away, if not the memories. They remain to let us know how deep the pit was that we were plucked from.
    I hope you fully find just Him and not religion. I hope you become fully invincible. 🙂

    1. Hi friend, thank you so much for this reflection. You’re not prying at all, and I love a positive, respectful dialogue, such as this 🙂 I think there’s a lot of misconception around catholicism. First of all, I respect everyone and their beliefs. God is God and Jesus is Jesus, and a relationship with Him and accepting Him as Lord and Savior is first and foremost. That being said, I love my faith. I have grown so much closer to Jesus through it. And the rosary is simply a tool to reflect on Jesus. I think a lot of people think that it’s just repeating rote prayers, but the truth is that it is through the prayer that we reflect on the life of Jesus. The turning of the water into wine, His crowning with thorns, the carrying of the cross, His agony in the garden, His rising from the dead – it is just a tool to focus our minds on Jesus’ love for us. That’s all 🙂 But honestly, I appreciate the discussion! God is good and we can all find our strength in Him. How wonderful to know that we don’t have to perfect, because He is perfect! have a great night. hugs and love ox

  17. I am so proud of you for taking a stand and keeping your boundaries. The enemy is such a snake. You are more powerful than you realize and I am sure that this post will encourage others. The strength we get from Jesus is only taken away when we give it away. I love the first quote. Sometimes we do have to burn bridges to keep from crossing the same bridge over and over again. I, too, am receiving darts from the enemy. I started a post today about the challenges I was going through and wasn’t sure if I wanted to post it. However, because of your vulnerability, I will do so. I am not one to air my dirty laundry and like you, speak of my issues in the abstract. We can get the point across without revisiting the feelings, attractions and other elements of our weaknesses that brought us down. I thoroughly enjoyed this post. Keep sharing. I look forward to checking out your Patreon Page/BBB and being able to contribute something. Right now, finances are a huge challenge for me but not impossible. This is a powerful post.

    1. Hi friend, thank you for this wonderful reflection and encouragement. That is so so true – a snake indeed. I’m sorry you’re on the receiving end of darts too. Yes! Post it! I look forward to reading it. Isn’t it a comfort to know that Jesus is stronger than everything and He’s always got our backs? We are dearly loved. And thank you for that 🙂 It really means a lot. Sending big big hugs. Praying for you . xox

  18. I’m really sorry about how you felt, BBB, but continue to stay strong and hold on to God. Yes, the rosary really helps too! 🙂 When we hit rock bottom and all we can see is darkness, God will lift us up back into the light. All we have to do is have a little faith and trust in the God Who saves. May God continue to bless You and let Him occupy Your thoughts <3 P.S. I'm looking forward to those YouTube videos! 🙂

    1. Thank you so much for this encouragement. Amen to that – God WILL lift us up. what a comfort in that. thanks for stopping by and for your kind words! haha yes! Can’t wait to get it going! 🙂 hugs and love xox

  19. I love this post so, so much! Don’t you just hate being reminded you are not invincible? I sure do. How awesome that you managed to turn it off however, that you went for a walk, that you know God is good. That is exactly how one is supposed to handle such things, but in the heat of the moment it can be hard to remember.

    1. Hi friend! Thank you so much for this response. Yes! I know, it can be so hard to remember. And believe me, it’s not always like that for me. This was just a specific example where God gave me some extra grace. And for that I am very grateful. But isn’t it a comfort to know that God’s always got our backs? Thanks again for stopping by! sending big hugs xox

  20. i am sorry you experienced something like that i know past is past and it should be be there cause it hurts our present and yeah do not take to heart we are all here for you to support you have not been there where you were in some way or other everyone have weakness who do not have and yeah we are not perfect ,perfect is only allah

    1. Thank you so much for this reflection. you’re right, the past is the past is the past. I appreciate your encouragement and support. it truly means so much. grateful for you 🙂 sending big hugs xox

  21. after 23 years in recovery I know I am not invincible but more vulnerable,and some times more vulnerable than I want, but thank you God for restoring my emotions and feelings. Good for you for deleting the comment and not subjecting yourself to such nonsense . Only another addict knows how badly those thoughts can be. And one thing I like to tell my sponsees is “you’re not responsible for the first thought that enters your mind”

    hugssss

    1. Hi Mike, thank you so much for sharing this. Yes, amen to that : thank you God for restoring us. That’s so true – we have the choice of how we respond to such thoughts. That’s really great advice. 23 years — that’s pretty freaking awesome. What an inspiration. big hugs xox

    1. Thank you Vanessa! I really appreciate your support. Yes, we’ve gotta know and respect our boundaries! Praise God that He helps us out and has our backs! thanks for stopping by! hugs and love my friend xox

  22. Amazing insight to recognise this and act to place yourself first and not fall down the rabbit hole. Well done!

  23. This reminds me again of what I spent the last… 5+ years learning; you won’t win if you pay attention to the enemy of your mind; you have to know 1) what Jesus did for you and 2) what it means and 3) focus on his face because he’s already taken care of it for you. But that doesn’t mesh with the secular understanding of recovery–that it’s an ongoing never-ending battle and that you always have to be on guard–and even Christians who don’t understand and it’s really easy to try to rationalize and go ‘Well but…why do you…?’ from that place of ignorance because they have no idea what kind of power there is in suggestion–I know I’ve done that.

    But you know? It sounds like you handled it really well. Something that potent might have taken me out of the game for days. But you go back to Jesus, you get under the shadow of his wing, and another storm passes. Because of anybody I can tell you how intoxicating anger can be if you let it go and then you’ve got a double whammy.

    Anyway, there are my thoughts; keep your heart in high places my friend (:
    Happy Thursday!

    1. Hi Carson, oh what a breath of fresh air this is! everything you’ve said is so. Spot. On. Focusing on His face is seriously the key to anything in life-be it recovery, or being a good friend or spouse, or managing a business, dealing with anger or temptations – there is power when we’re under His wing. And I love that: keep your heart in high places. Amen to that! I so appreciate your kind words and powerful perspective, Carson. Grateful for you. Hugs and love xox

    1. Hi Lillian, aw that is so kind of you to say. thank you so much. I’m glad it resonated with you. Thanks for stopping by and for your encouragement! hugs and love xox

  24. I am so sorry that a comment bothered you so much. Maybe it was someone just wanting to know if their thoughts were the same; and they, too, needed to get help. I don’t know. All I know is you have the right idea! Good for you, keep going!

    1. Thank you so much Mary! I really appreciate your kind words and encouragement. Yeah, let’s give the person the benefit of the doubt. It’s always hard to tell a person’s tone through a computer screen! thanks for stopping by! hugs an love xox

  25. Your post really blessed me tonight. Sometimes God takes us through things that we don’t completely understand so that our testimony will save another person’s life. I thank God for you because your recent run in with your past was not in vain. God used you to keep me from revisiting my ugly past as well. God bless. 🙂

    1. Hi Shubricca, thank you so much for this response. I’m so glad it resonated with you. That’s so true, we never know why things happen, but God will always use it for good. Thanks for sharing this with me. Sending big big hugs xox

  26. The blog is an open platform where you’re criticized and those comments you’re exposed to provide a basis where you’re attacked virtually. Just keep in mind these people don’t know you personally therefore don’t think they know otherwise. Hugs. ❤

  27. I’m very sorry that you had this experience. A couple of thoughts ran through my mind as I read your post. First, the next time a bully antagonizes I hope you tell them to take a hike. Bullies respond to force. Second, I’m so glad your spirituality helped you through this unpleasant experience. I don’t know how anyone survives without faith. Lastly, you are a strong person, and even though reliving the worst of your illness hurt you, you seem to have handled it well. It’s always a shock when we realize we are more fragile than we want to be. B
    ut you got through it. Mayble that’s the lesson? Rock on. Sending you good wishes.
    Joanna

    1. Hi Joanna! Thank you for this encouragement. You’re right, it’s kind of a dose of reality when we realize our fragileness. Is that a word?? Haha but seriously, I really appreciate your perspective. Sending big hugs xox

  28. May God continue to give you strength to keeping walking with Him and going forward! And I pray for more healing if that is what’s needed. Be blessed walking the straight path.

  29. This is another one of those posts that I couldn’t read fast enough. It’s hard for my brain, my eyes, and my fingers to all keep up with each other.

    First – you are amazing! AMAZING!

    Second – This is going to sound weird, but I’m kind of glad that you got mad when someone pushed you toward a place you didn’t want to go. I tend to have an automatic, self-defensive reaction when I get pushed or told to do something that I don’t want to do. It feels a lot like anger and lashing out, and underneath there is often a lot of fear. Of course, I judge myself for feeling this way and having this negative, reflexive reaching. (I still struggle with the core belief of “I’m a bad person” – it’s not as if I go around thinking it consciously all the time, but it’s like it’s hardwired into my subconscious). Anyway, it just feels reassuring and *normal* that other people have a sort of similar reaction sometimes.

    When I’m in hurt, anger, bitterness, indignation, self-righteousness… when these emotions are bubbling up and I’m so distracted by them that I just sort of stew and ruminate in whatever is triggering me, I am trying to get better at telling myself, “Well, I am human, and this type of reaction happens.” You’re right, though. Once I can accept my weakness, the next step is humility, and then asking God for help. Again.

    There are parts of my past that I am afraid to revisit. And I definitely set boundaries with myself. Or try to. Certain physical places I won’t go and people I don’t talk to much anymore – sort of like a heroin addict who doesn’t go back to the places where she used or the people from her using days. And there are definitely a few topics that are off limits on my blog. Stuff that’s too painful and too personal. I’ve been tempted to write about them a few times, but it wouldn’t be healthy for me, and it would be hurtful to others.

    Also, I love the rosary. I keep rosary beads in my car and on my bedside table, and I bring them with me wherever I travel. Here is what you just reminded me of – today, I knew I was going to have a challenging day, and on the way to work, I prayed to Mary to please pray for me in the morning, and in the late morning, and at lunch when I had to confront x, and after lunch when I had to deal with y, and in the afternoon during z, and every time I spoke with anyone today. And a couple times during the day, I thought, “My Mother Mary is praying for me right now,” and it was such a comfort. Now I’m feeling comforted again remembering it.

    Anyway, sorry for the excessively long comment (again). My heart is with you tonight! Sending love.

    1. Hi lulu! I’m so glad this was a comfort. That seriously makes my heart so happy. You brought up so many great things here. You’re so right, sometimes we just have to close and door and then keep it closed. Not revisit it. We have been freed in Christ, so why drudge up the muddy waters. And yes, it’s so nice to know we have someone praying for us in Heaven. Its so powerful to know that we never have to go through this life alone: God always has our back. Jesus deemed is worthy, so we can rest in that hope and peace and truth. Thank you again for such a thoughtful response. Know I’m praying for you too:) sending you so much love my friend. You are a blessing and I’m grateful for our friendship. Hugs and love xox

  30. Your body may not be invincible however your Spirit IS as proven by your post. I hear people say ‘anger is bad’ well no it is not when used properly as one a module for defense and two as a module to move forward. You are A Divine, Sacred Feminine never let anyone, situation or even yourself tell you differently. When I was a Paratrooper I saw grown men whimper like kicked dogs and Women take charge and get the job done. I do not pretend to understand what you went thru and/or recovery struggles but seems to me from what I read of your posts YOU ARE Kicking Ass as well as anyone could or could be expected. I only know you from your writings however I am proud of you!

  31. Be strong and of good courage; do not be afraid, nor be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.”
    Joshua 1:9 NKJV
    Have a blessed night!

  32. A few thoughts…the evil one must really be ramping up because several of us have been confronted in this or similar ways. I had to trash a complete post because it had been liked by a blogger whose profile photo was causing me a great deal of discomfort and I saw no way to detach the ‘like,’ so I trashed it.
    I have also been approached by groups wanting me to join their blogging support group but I am suspicious; I don’t know how they got the email address they used (it is not associated with my blog at all); the quality of their message is poor (spelling, grammar, and punctuation errors); and they refuse to answer questions about their organization. I wasn’t scared as much as I was unsure who to trust, but as I knew I could trust Jesus and did not need to go through anyone to reach Him, that is what I did. I spent 30 minutes in contemplative prayer. Later, He reminded me of the book by and about Brother Lawrence, Practicing the Presence of God. I turned toward the back of the book and found what I needed. I copied and pasted the chapter on Practices Needed to Acquire the Spiritual Life into acblog post and I read it whenever I feel ill at ease. And if I am not reading it, I’m doing what it says to do. It is sweet, simple, and sounds so contemporary.

    Go back and read it, sweetheart. MariJo and I agreed to sit (“I’ll sit here and you sit there…and well pray,”. ). And that’s what we did. These are times when it is appropriate to just hunch up close to Jesus. There seems to be a great deal of Spiritual turmoil and warfare going on and the safest place I know to be is next to Jesus. There’s room for you, too, dearest.

    1. Hi Kitsy, thank you so much for sharing this powerful comment. I’m so glad you have that post you can Reread when times get tough. But you’re so right-saddled up next to our Protector is definitely and 100% the place to be. He’s our rock. Thanks again for the beautiful encouragement. Praying for you friend xox

      1. Sweetheart, have you read the post I am referring to? It isn’t long but it is a classic piece of Spiritual instruction… You may even want to print it and tuck it into your bedside table or slip it under your rosary. Just a suggestion….a nudge from me.

      2. Hi there Kitsy, yes, I just reread it. It was exactly what I needed to hear. I think I just may take your suggestion and print it out:) thanks again my friend. Grateful for you xox

  33. Your strength is so inspiring! I’m sorry that a comment hurt you the way it did. I just recently did a post talking about the power of our words. But I thought of these verses that have been encouraging me this week. I hope it does the same for you! Stay strong! <3
    "For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are-yet was without sin. Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need." Hebrews 4:15-16

  34. I am so sorry that happened to you. You did NOT deserve any part of that and your strength and grace dealing with that garbage is inspirational. Thank you for sharing!

    1. Thank you so much for this kind response. I really appreciate your support. Internet garbage, unfortunately is out there. Thanks again for the encouragement. Hope you’re having a nice night. Hugs and love xox

  35. Hunny your stronger than the person who made that comment. You’ve got to train your mind either you pull through and beat the mental health or let it take over you. I do understand how you feel because I suffer from mental health and I’m just starting to pull through now after three and half weeks of torcher of anxiety and depression. Yes it’s tough but you know how to be the winner and you know who’s going to be a looser.
    Ignore the negatives and your beautiful inside and out.

    1. Hi Lizzie, thank you so much for sharing this. I really appreciate your encouragement. It really means a lot. So true-I’ve gotta condition the mind. I’m so glad you’re on the other side of a tough few weeks. Know that my thoughts and prayers are with you:) stay strong warrior. Sending big hugs xox

  36. Excellent, BBB! What a grace to walk away, take it to our Lord, and put it out. Your courage to put these things out to others is a great blessing to me and other readers here. Thank you for the example you have given and being a pointer to the only One in whom we are strong.

  37. Perhaps, this is nothing more than one, a calculated coward who takes joy in scratching the surface of someones pain instead of scratching the surface of their own in order to deal with the reality of their own pain, or two, a person who just does not understand that bringing something to light is just not appropriate. If this person is calculated, I would like to remind him or her of one simple concept. Some people think it is powerful when you toy with others emotions. Actually it is a weak trait. It takes real power not to toy with someones emotions when you know the person you are directing your comments to is vulnerable. It’s like a child who projects hurt on a close friend because they can’t deal with the loss of a grandparent. They don’t know how to express it. If you truly are such a person, go find your joy of scratching someone else’s pain someone else. Or better yet, if you yourself are facing pain, embrace it, forgive it and work through it. No one deserves better to do that than yourself. God brought love into this world through his creation. To do anything other than help to create a better life for you and your community is counterproductive. Making things good from your own faults is very acceptable. Jesus, whether you believe he is the messiah or not, was different. What drew people to him is that he talked of a personal forgiving love which was the opposite of universal love, a love of the old testament. Universal love still was permissive to an eye for an eye. Jesus believed in boundaries yet he also expressed personal forgiving love, the opposite of an eye for an eye. Something that the creator of this blog you have been reading understands and practices-the power of not saying what is in-appropriate and the power of forgiving love. Perhaps, many of you reading can and do believe and express this kind of love. Whether you do or not-God Bless you. Peace.

    1. Hi Andy, thank you so much for this thoughtful reflection. There’s a lot of truth in what you speak. You’re right, to toy with another’s emotions does not signify strength, but rather the opposite. Jesus was such a beautiful example of the opposite of that: he spoke truth. He brought others to the light. Loved them. And like you said, demonstrated a personal and forgiving, self-sacrificial love. Powerful indeed. Thanks again for stopping by and for sharing this great perspective. And I really appreciate the encouragement. hugs and lots of love xox

  38. You are so full of love. I am grateful to be following your blog. God ….
    What I know is that looking for the good, choosing the loving again and again, forgiving myself and others, and letting it all go – surrendering to God, are my keystones to recovery. Thank you for sharing. Love, Debbie <3 Blessings

    1. Hi Debbie, wow thank you for these kind and beautiful words. What true things- those are really great keystones to recovery. Thank you for sharing that. Sending big hugs friend xox

  39. It’s not easy to have faith these days… thanks for staying strong and proving that it was worth it 🙂

    1. Your faith in God is so impressive. You will be pleased that I have started praying again. Not that the prayer worked – I was praying that I would stop being attracted to unavailable and dangerous guys and that hasn’t happened. But it opened up my spiritual path to pray again.

      1. I’m so glad you’ve taken that leap! So awesome. Sometimes our prayers take a little longer to be answered, and sometimes they’re answered differently than we thought or expected, but He is always listening and working out His plan in his perfect time. Sending you big big hugs xox

  40. I like your quote about sometimes having to burn a bridge. We often hear not to burn bridges, but dang why keep going back to hurt and negative energy.

    As always, thanks for your motivation, positivity and mindfullness. Take care Sister!

    1. Thank you so much for this Kelsey Lou! You’re so right! Sometimes we have to close a door and lock it and throw away the key. Focus on the good. Thanks for your encouragement! Hugs and love xox

  41. *wraps arms around*

    As Paul Said:

    Brothers and sisters, I do not consider that I have made it my own yet; but one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and reaching forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the [heavenly] prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus. All of us who are mature [pursuing spiritual perfection] should have this attitude.
    Philippians 3:13-15 AMP

  42. We’re all tempted and we all veer off the track and it’s especially hard when someone undermines our joy. Stay strong in your beliefs and convictions. Sending you warm hugs of friendship and support. xo ♥

    1. Hi Miriam, thank you so much for your support. You’re right-gotta stay strong and cling to the truth and to joy. That’s really great advice. Thanks 🙂 sending big hugs xox

      1. Thank you friend 🙂 I thought about you tonight as I wrote my blog post. Thank you for being so vulnerable and candid in your posts. It really encouraged me to open up more in mine. Love and blessings. Our God is so good <3

  43. You are right to leave your confidence in our Lord, B’s! Our own confidence is faulty and will let us down, as you just described here of yourself. Only One is perfect. And that One, says to us in Psalm 139:14, “I will give thanks to Thee, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Wonderful are Thy works, And my soul knows it very well.”

    Couple more passages for you, to help lift your heart!

    And He has said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.” Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, that the power of Christ may dwell in me. Therefore I am well content with weaknesses, with insults, with distresses, with persecutions, with difficulties, for Christ’s sake; for when I am weak, then I am strong. – 2 Corinthians 12:9-10

    Since then you have been raised up with Christ, keep seeking the things above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your mind on the things above, not on the things that are on earth. For you have died and your life is hidden with Christ in God. – Colossians 3:1-3

    1. Hi Nathan, thank you so much for sharing these powerful verses. They bring so much comfort. Amen-we we are weak, He is strong. God is good. Thanks for reading. Hugs and love xox

  44. Kudos to you for rejecting those dangerous thoughts and turning to God and saying the Rosary!

    I can’t even imagine how that person’s question must have horrified you. 🙁

    Stay strong, girl, and may God bless you always.

  45. Don’t let the past come back to break down the person you’ve become. It’s in the past for a reason. And don’t let someone try to bully you for your past. You’ve overcome a hard time in your life, and use it as your motivation. F*ck what that person said. They’re idiots!

    1. Hi Kimberly! Thank you so much for this response. You’re so right – it’s in the past for a reason. Best not to drudge it up! Seriously though, I appreciate your encouragement. Sending big hugs xox

  46. Great post 🙂 Some people have told me in the past that whenever anybody has gone through a bad period in their life, one should never ask them what made them want to go that route in the first place. I think the reason it is wrong to ask that is because some people do not want to go back to such a painful memory. I am glad to see that you remain strong regardless and have stayed that way 🙂 Anyway, keep up the great work as always 🙂

    1. Hi John, thanks for this. That was good advice you received. You’re right, it’s difficult to go back and relive pain. Better to keep your eyes on the prize 🙂 haha i’m such a dork! lol thanks for reading! hugs and love xox

  47. I love that you embrace your vulnerability as part of who you are. We’ve been writing about Grace and Space and this is such a powerful post regarding giving yourself the grace to give yourself space 🙂 I’d never thought about comments like that being bully-ish, but you’re totally right! Thank you for another thoughtful, powerful post!

    1. Thank you so much Bikurgurl. I love that: give yourself grace to give yourself space. that’s so great. Thanks for stopping by and for your kind words! hugs and love xox

  48. I’m sorry you experienced that 🙁 As you pointed out, we wobble from time to time – and that’s ok. Take care of yourself as you process this as you are precious. That person was really unhelpful 🙁

    1. Thank you so much for this encouragement! I really appreciate it 🙂 You’re right, a little occasional wobble is fine, we’ve just gotta keep our eyes focused up and forward. Thanks for your kindness. hugs and love. xox

  49. Very interesting piece! Sometimes you just have to protect yourself and keep yourself clean. There is a pattern in our thinking and it is possible to see beneath our personal demons but only when we are ready! You can’t make a flower grow by pulling on the petals – light and love to you!

    1. Thank you so much for this encouragement. That’s such a powerful image about the flower. So true. We’ve gotta protect our minds and hearts. Thanks for stopping by! hugs and love xox

  50. Love that delete/ trash button. Sometimes people write mean things and it’s nice to have a say in what’s published in our own space.

    When negativity tried to sneak in and get you down, you stood up tall. I admire that. Seems like there’s always a bit of risk putting thoughts and feelings out there. Luckily, most of the time, people are kind and can relate.

    You are changing this world with your honesty and insight. And, one look at all the comments above mine shows that you are positively impacting others! Bravo!

    1. Hi Jessica, thank you for this wonderful encouragement. Truly, your kind words mean the world. I am grateful for you. You’re right, putting ourselves out there can be scary, but when it is receive with such gentle acceptance, like from you, it makes it worth it 🙂 hugs xox

  51. Father I thank you for BeautyBeyondBones who has been so brave to allow us into her world of ED. Father we thank you for her complete healing in this area of her life, as she brings you each struggle make her whole. Her past is just that, allow others to hear her story and be transformed by the power in which you have in it. In Jesus name. Keep holding on to your strong tower.

    1. Hi Lesa, wow this is so beautiful. Thank you so much for this powerful prayer. Amen. Jesus is that Strong Tower – and the best source of healing and hope. Your words are soothing balm to my spirit. hugs and love xox

  52. Invincible, no. Amazing, yes. Always thought-provoking, inspiring, up-lifting, and ever-faithful to God. You know I love you. Keep at it, JD. 🙂

    1. Tony 🙂 My dear friend. I am so grateful for you. First, for always being such a source of positivity, and encouragement, and friendship. You’re always giving me a little nudge and a smile that never cease to brighten my day. And secondly, I am just blown away at your generosity. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. Hope you’re having a beautiful day so far. Know that you are in my prayers 🙂 massive hugs and love xox

  53. Our wobbles allow us to remember to lean on the steady Rock. Keep your focus, girl, and bless the one who reminded you of past weakness, current strength. They are reading your stuff for a reason. God is in the details.

  54. You are so right – it’s ok to be vulnerable because God will hold us up. You are such an inspiration – do not let someone else dictate how you feel.

    James 1: 19-20 My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, 20 because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires.

    1. Hi friend, thank you so much for sharing this verse. Very powerful. And very true: it’s often hard to remember and live out, but we need to be slow to anger! thanks for stopping by! hugs and love xox

  55. Some early Christians who suffered under Roman persecution were lauded for fighting better than the gladiators. Not physical combat against an external enemy, but the inner war to remain faithful within and let that transform the rest. Thanks for encouraging us. Prayers for the truth of your vulnerability to fill you with God’s power.

    1. Thank you so much for this beautiful reflection. that’s so true: when we are centered on the Truth, it transforms the rest. I really appreciate the prayers. hugs and love xox

  56. I think the most important thing is that you recognize and realize how extremely well you’ve handled it. You remembered and recognized God at the exact moment that you had to, and you were able to deal with it.
    As always, you are spot on. We are not invincible, at least not while our soul is driving this vehicle called our body. But our souls are all part of God. And if we can remember that, like you did, we sort of are invincible. Because on a soul level, there is no defeat. We just ARE and we are free to discover and experience the wonders of life.

    1. Thank you so much for this, friend. You’re right, when we recognize that we are all children of God, and we belong to Him, it helps direct our actions. Thanks or stopping by. hugs and love xox

  57. Excellent post! I think those people who’ve never fought a battle with any kind of addiction or depression are often curious about how it comes up. They can’t see how it happens because they’ve never experienced it. However, I think it very insensitive for people like that to pry and ask others to return to that path that is obviously very destructive to those who have fought those battles. It is rather like asking a PTSD victim to go back and remember the worst parts of their nightmares about war and battles just out of one’s idle curiosity. I’m so glad you recognized the dangers inherent to what the person asked. God’s holy armor was surely with you! He protected you by giving you the discernment to see the danger signs all over that situation! Thanks for sharing your vulnerability with us and for staying on the path! That gives so many people great hope. God bless!

    1. Hi Elaine! Thank you so much for this beautiful reflection. I think you’re right – I was definitely given some extra grace that night to get through that and see the words for what they were. God is good like that. Thanks for stopping by. hope you have a beautiful day. hugs xox

  58. This advice was so well written. Thank you for being vulnerable for us! It reminds us not to “buy the lie” as I coined for my book but it’s the same thing. You have helped many many people with this post for all kinds of weakness. “I can do ALL things through God who strengthens me!” Well written article.

    1. Hi there Jane! thank you so much for this encouragement. So true! I love that: don’t buy the lie. and amen to that: we can do ALL things through Him! Thanks for stopping by! hugs and love xox

  59. We all have our shadows
    Mine almost killed me too
    GOD is my only answer
    To see me through God’s love
    I’m thankful you have that too

    May I send you my book
    The Keeper Of Me?

    Gentle hugs
    Courage…warrior woman!

    1. Hi Lynn, thank you for sharing this. That is so so true: God is our only answer. There is power when we see things through His eyes. wow, that would be awesome 🙂 hugs to you my friend xox

  60. You are so right, the past is the past, what matters now is the joy and hope that you feel now. It’s not just a bout “being a christian”, it’s about a complete focus shift!!

  61. You are so strong! It is very hard when temptation to fall into darker emotions sets it, but it is wonderful that you are turning to God with such fervor. You are a beautiful person inside and out! Keep reflecting God’s light to everyone, and remember that He will never give you trials you do not have the strength to face. It may seem impossible at the time, but God’s grace can move mountains.

    1. Hi Snowrose, thank you so much for this beautiful encouragement. Amen amen amen – God’s grace CAN move mountains. What a comforting and powerful thought that is. hugs and love to you sam! xox

  62. Glad you could see what was happening and strong to resist the temptation. Hopefully, you didn’t spend too much time being hard on yourself. The important thing is you identified it and shut the door. God is good and always, always provides a way out!

  63. I, myself am an alcoholic and have been clean for ten years; I still don’t like to look back on the past. While in rehab they taught us not to dwell on the past, forgive our selves for all but never to forget so you don’t end up back there. It took me years to be able to face some of the things I did while under the influence; some I only had me to hold myself accountable because some things no one knows but me. But I am so proud for you that you continued forward; sometimes unknowingly someone will take my mind back to those days and it is hard to get it back to the present. I know that the only thing that keeps me on a good track is the support of God himself. Keep on traveling down your road of recovery and don’t let the potholes make you turn around just go around them. God Bless You.

    1. Hi Missy, thank you for sharing this. That is sub great advice. Gotta keep my eyes forward and go around those potholes! Wow ten years-that is truly inspiring. Rock on ❤️❤️❤️❤️

  64. I had two comments that were very triggering in the last week too. The difference now though, is that it isn’t as easy to act on those thoughts that came after. We’ve been developing new habits & God has definitely been changing us, more than we realize I think. You are not alone. You’re doing this. In fact, you’ve already beat this. Hope you have an amazing weekend girly!

    1. Thank you so much for this beautiful and encouraging response. Amen to that: God HAS been changing us. How grateful am I for that?!? But it’s true, He’s at work and always has our backs. You too! Have a great afternoon! Hugs and love xox

  65. Another fabulous entry. I am sorry such a comment was left for you, I recognize how destructive they can be, and I applaude your strength and faith. I have no doubt that you will keep progressing towards new adventures and treasures, while slowly leaving your ghosts behind. xxx

  66. Hey! Just wanted to let you know that you really are so inspirational to me and I cannot thank you enough for all the advice you’ve offered me through your blog! Keep being awesome!

    1. Hi Clara! Wow thank you so much for this incredibly kind comment. I’m so glad that my posts resonate with you. That seriously brings my heart so much joy. Sending you so much love xox

  67. The beauty of this is that we don’t need to be invincible. Yes the darts of the enemy will come and those who may question why we did what we did—why we fell into the pit anyway. Its because we’re not invincible.
    Our bodies and minds like to think we are.
    And Satan is more than eager to let us think that in the moment when he’s not attempting to beat us over our heads with our own guilt.
    The key is to let our moment of guilt/remorse bring us to God rather than drive us away back into the pit we came out of—and thank Him for pulling us out.
    Its tempting to crawl back in, I will admit.
    Even the Apostle Paul admitted his own flaws of imperfection. He too was not invincible, but thankful to God for it. In 2 Corinthians he says, “Therefore, in order to keep me from becoming conceited, I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.”
    Paul, being the well educated, top dog that he was had to learn the very same lesson, and undoubtedly had to deal with it more than once.
    In life we will have struggles—some that cling to us for but a moment in time and then they are gone. Others like ED and Paul’s thorn, come back to pain time and time again.
    Satan hopes that in doing so, to make us miserable and fall. But God has a better purpose, and that is to help us see our need for Him—and not in the “He has his thumb on us constantly punishing us” like those tales of the Greek and Roman gods, but as that of a parent teaching and training a young one in the way they should go in life—in a way that may not be completely free of struggles, but will bring much better results than we could in our own “invincible” imaginations.

    1. Hi Faithbook, thank you so much for this powerful reflection. You’re so right, it is in those times that we should run to God, not retreat in despair. He wants to be our strength in weakness. What a comforting thought that is. Thanks for this beautiful reminder and encouragement. Hugs and love xox

  68. Your eyes have an amazing tint to them. I can tell they glow every time you’re behind the screen working on another entry. Be encouraged by this verse and statement: “what you behold, you become.” Keep the image of Christ before you. “And we all, with unveiled face, BEHOLDING the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from one degree of glory to another. For this comes from the Lord who is the Spirit.” 2 Corinthians 3:18. Honestly, I wish I could meet you in person but may the peace of Christ dwell richly within you BBB.

    1. Aw thank you! That is so kind of you to say:) I love that verse. Thank you for sharing it. What a powerful thought: that we are being transformed and made new in Christ. God is good! Thanks for stopping by! Hugs and love xox

  69. Ugh. I think I remember seeing that comment, and wondering about why it put there. At best I’ll hope the person was oblivious to the issues and the struggle. At worst…it was part of the powers and principalities.

    Fleeing from it, like Joseph from Potipher’s wife. Flee as Paul commanded. GOOD JOB in getting away and putting it away! I hope all is restored to peace. You are right in how you felt, and how you responded.

    Have a great weekend 🙂

    1. Hi Jeff! Thank you for this. I really appreciate your support. Yeah, gotta flee from things that drudge up pain and bad thoughts and cling to what is good: Jesus. Thanks for stopping by. Hugs and love xox

  70. I’m so sorry that happened, Eating disorders are a forever battle…just know that God is always a step ahead of you waiting With open arms, he didn’t make a mistake when he made you 😊😊😊😊

    1. Hi Jami, thank you for your kind words. Amen to that-God is always there and what a comfort in knowing that. Thanks for being such a beautiful source of encouragement. Sending big hugs and love xox

  71. Until today I have never read through one of your blog posts the entire way. I vaguely remember following your blog. Your catch line did it’s job and caught my attention. Owning that we are not invincible is a tough admission to hold. I also suffer from ED, different end of the rainbow but the same rainbow nonetheless. Brava on confronting those emotions and memories that bind us to the past. It takes courage to walk away from any unhealthy situation.We are not invincible but we are a force and if you believe in yourself you can do anything.

    1. Hi Kidtrish! Thank you so much for this kind response. Thank you for reading! I’m glad you did! 🙂 and you’re right-we have to just walk away from unhealthy situations and thoughts. They’re a slippery slope. Best to keep our eyes focused forward. Thanks for sharing this, friend. I’m sorry that we both have the “ED rainbow” in our pasts, but I’m glad we can journey on in recovery together. I believe in you friend. Stay strong warrior. So glad you stopped by. Hugs and love xox

  72. This lines up nicely with my blog post about King David who took his eyes off of God long enough to put them on Bathsheba and fell into sin by doing so. Don’t let people drag you down! My favorite lines in the movie “The Lion King” are where the Baboon hits Simba on the head with his staff and Simba says, “OW! That hurt! Why did you do that!” The Baboon tells him, “It doesn’t matter because it is in the past!” We all know that our past does matter, but we learn from it and move forward…so the Baboon really had a point! I am so sorry that someone wanted to ogle your past in more depth than was needed or wanted. It’s a funny thing, (funny peculiar, not funny ha! ha!) but we can be very open with people right up until they are asking too many deep questions. The reason is that we want to share what we are comfortable with, and not a bit more, and we all have every right to be that way about our own personal info. Just brush off the devil’s attack, and move on! You are such a positive person I really enjoy your posts!

    1. Hey Charlene! Aw thank you so much for this. Oh my gosh I LOVE the Lion King and I know exactly the scene you’re talking about! Haha that little baboon was my favorite character — although I’m blanking on his name right now…rafiki?? I don’t know. But it’s so true-we’ve gotta learn from the past, and then leave it there and power forward. Thanks for your wonderful encouragement. Hugs and love xox

  73. Well, sweetie, today I fell victim to my own writing prompt. Minutes after I published my piece “How to Win the War ,” my daughter called crying that she is being sued for medical damages 3 months after she had a very minor accident…she hit someone’s hubcap which did no damage to his truck and scratched the face of her Fiat. But now 3 months later, the woman (the passenger) is suing for medical damages. Then in my phone call to a client of my brother, I came across too forthright and the client cancelled his order; my brother is not happy with me. So, not 6 hours after I caution not to get angry, discouraged, or resentful, I am all three. I’m heading to the living room to sit in my easy chair and systematically give everything to Jesus that comes up for the next 30-45 minutes. Then I will reread Brother Lawrence’s Practicing the Presence of God and reset all my buttons. Thank God there’s a God.

    On Thu, Jun 23, 2016 at 7:00 PM, BeautyBeyondBones wrote:

    > beautybeyondbones posted: “I’m angry tonight. I am angry because I have > been brutally reminded that I am not invincible. I received a comment > (which has since been deleted) that taunted me to revisit and reexamine my > disordered thoughts when I was deep in my anorexia. The commen” >

    1. Hi Kitsy, oh gosh I am so sorry that you’re going through those things. Ugh, I can only imagine the frustration and annoyance. I think that’s a great plan-just throw it all at Jesus’ feet. That’s what He longs to do:relieve us of our burdens. Saying a prayer for you and your daughter right now. Hang in there friend. Sending big big hugs and love xox

      1. Thank you. I’m adding an addendum to my post about how every time we fail, pick ourselves back up, hand our failures over to Jesus, and look again toward God, it is another slap to the face of the evil one. I’m starting to like that.

    1. Hahahah you know what? If you want a post about dinos, I’ll find a way to make it work!! 👍👍👍😂😂😂 seriously though…my wheels are turning lol

      1. Too bad you didn’t have a lawyer look at your Patreon promises, because now waiting on deck is Victorian underwear trends, broccoli (must be FOR!), duck faces in blog selfies (must be AGAINST!), “Sloths–Nature’s Psychopaths?” and mattress recycling. I’m taking you DOWN!!!

  74. I love your response… That shit isn’t happening. You made a choice. Fighting the good fight. Praying for you always.

  75. I’m sorry you had to go through that. The good news is you’re more aware now. Maybe you got to a point where you were kinda numb to it or just blaise about it and this experience has put you firmly on the track again. Praise God. He is good and He is our strength. This post has reminded me that I, too, am not invincible. I have walked many roads thinking that I was. Just ask my wife. LOL Thanks for being so fearless in your sharing. Peace.

    1. Hi Eric, thank you for this kind encouragement. You’re right-it was definitely a learning opportunity. And I am all for that. Amen to that- He IS our strength. Thanks for reading! Hugs and love xox

  76. I love your posts and your transparency. Just remember the enemy wants to use our past to bring shame, guilt, and condemnation upon us, while God wants to use our past to demonstrate how even our messes can be turned into masterpieces when we allow God to use them. Keep being you and never forget where God wants to take you. God bless! JD

    1. Thanks Jeff. I really appreciate your encouragement. You’re right-God can turn even the messiest of messes into masterpieces. Love that. Thanks for stopping by! Hugs and love xox

  77. I am sorry you had to relive this. Its very insensitive of someone to ask those kind of questions. As an activist through your blog be prepared for these type of questions. Be strong.

    1. Hey friend. Thank you so much for this encouragement. You’re right, whenever you open yourself up to sharing yourself on the Internet, you’re also opening yourself up to feedback-both positive and negative. Very very true. Thanks for stopping by! Hugs and love xox

  78. You are the only you that can be and as you, you are invincible. You are the only one who decides if or how you want to visit your past. No one else has a right to force the envelope. Your writings bring closure to that past as a beautiful transition to the present and hopes in the future that you have made. Don’t let someone who can’t deal with that let you hurt and force hurt upon you. You are a light now and will shine as each day goes on. The past days are just that; PAST. xoxoxoLove and light!

    1. Hi friend, thank you so much for this beautiful encouragement. You’re right-the past is the past is the past and I decide to leave it there. This is a great perspective. Thank you for your kindness, as always. Hugs and love xox

  79. People just don’t know how powerful words can be–even if you have the best of intentions with them. The “Sticks and Stones” line is the biggest lie we tell people and our kids. James 3:1-12 chronicles how powerful words can be. If someone is too inconsiderate to try and understand your struggle with anorexia, and is also too foolish to try to understand how God has helped you, then you shouldn’t dwell upon their words. It is not their words you should listen to, but to God’s Word. Your past makes you into who you are today and magnifies the greatness of what God has done in your life, don’t let one person ruin that for you. You should, as Jesus says in Matthew 10:12-14, shake the dust off your feet and just pray for them.

    Prayers to you, my friend. Hope you have a great weekend and feel better going into next week.

    1. Hey there friend, thank you so much for this. So much wisdom here. I absolutely love that verse from Matthew. I’ve actually made several life decisions based off of shaking the dust off! Have w great weekend! Hugs and love xox

      1. We all have those certain Negative people with nothin’ more than their certain negative remarks & thoughts in our lives. They live for the opportunity to disrupt others. They have such negative lives that they want others to be right there with them. They can’t stand the fact that someone has actually move passed, beyond, them. Let’em go! Don’t fall into their trap. You appear, from what limited views (of yourself) you release, to be a very beautiful young lady. Your thoughts express the same. You have a wonderful life ahead of you so reach out and take it! There are two (2) things in your life that you are in full control over. They are your Attitude & your Ethics. YOU & ONLY YOU control them and set them. Remember that as you travel along your path in life…”Hold’em Hook”…..BG>

      2. Thank you❤️ that is so true -my attitude and my ethics. That is such an important thing to keep in mind on the day to day. And can I just say: wow-you have a way with words! You are a powerful linguist (is that the proper term?! Lol) but seriously, your words are empowering. So thank you. Xox

  80. Thanks for sharing your heart. I get the emotions you’re describing, and I honor you for sharing them. Themes recounted in your blog resonate in my own life: The image of the pheonix, the rosary, the importance of understanding that when we’re angry, it’s our own defect because we’re allowing ourselves to react in a way that’s a bit off the mark.

    Since we don’t know each other, I won’t drop into your virtual sandbox and kick sand up. I’d like to ask you to visit my blog: iamacanaryinacoalmine.wordpress.com and see if anything there resonates with you. It’s my account of how I overcame many years of depresion, bipolar, psychosis, ADHD, PTSD, OCD… I could go on. If you like my blog and are comfortable with a question at some point, I’d like to chat with you about anger. Perhaps I’m wrong, but I sense (from this post) that it’s a little too raw with you. I respect your boundaries.

    Peace and blessings in your life and in your Work! Keep it up!

    1. Hi friend, Thank you so much for sharing this. Im so glad it resonated with you. I will definitely read your blog. I think it’s really powerful that you’ve walked through those things and are sharing your journey of healing and freedom. That’s going to help a lot of people. Thanks for stopping by! Hugs and love xox

  81. You’re right, you’re not invincible, but you are so brave for not letting the demons get the best of you. Your response was great, and I’m sure it wasn’t easy. You are so blessed to remember that we do have an unyielding ally in our Father. Hang in there.

      1. You’re welcome. By the way, I completely agree that talking about some things from our past really does not help, and that’s exactly where we need to leave it.

  82. I wish you could love this! Not just like. You are beautiful. You are talented. You are who God made you. Sometimes people are ignorant and just can’t understand what they’ve been fortunate to never experience.

    1. Aw, thank you so much! I’m so glad you enjoyed it. That’s true, everyone’s journey is different. Compassion is always better than judgement. Thanks for stopping by and for such kind words! hugs and love xox

  83. maybe not, but I think you are a bit invincible. You recognized and turned away from danger! Your strength, faith and determination make you WonderWoman — I hope you hear and feel the applause!

    1. haha oh gosh, thank you so much! I was definitely given a lot of grace to be able to walk away in that moment. Can’t say it’s always like that! But God is good and always has my back! Thanks for stopping by! hugs and love xox

    1. Hey Stephanae, aw thank you so much. It really means a lot 🙂 Yeah, airing my “dirty laundry” can be pretty intimidating, but your kind support makes it all worth it 🙂 have a great weekend! hugs and love xox

  84. Hii BBB,
    Sorry to read this post but happy to read your recourse to Our Lady’s psalter in a time of need. I read a devotion by St. Louis de Montfort and he said this: “I do not know how it is, nor why, but nevertheless I know well that is is true; nor have I any better secret of knowing whether a person is for God than to examine if he [she] likes to say the Hail Mary and the Rosary.”
    I’m in a bit of a dry spell myself, and I’ve been trying rather unsuccessfully to pull myself out; but I will pray for guidance through your tough times.

    Keep the Patreon page up in the next couple posts..

    Have a blessed day 😀
    MM

    1. Hey there MM! Thanks so much for this response. I’m sorry you find yourself in a dry spell. I can definitely relate. I will keep you in my prayers:) You’re right, setting aside time to talk to God in prayer is definitely a powerful thing. Something that I continually have to work on. I’ll definitely have to look up St. Louis de Montfort. I’ve never heard of that person. Thanks for passing it along. hugs and love xox

  85. wow this is an amazing post and you are quite a strong lady to come back from so dark a place. I have been doing a series on grace on my blog and my twitter account and your inspiring words are just what my readers need. Would it be okay to quote part of your piece? Or would like to write a quote up? I always link back to the source so readers can discover other talented bloggers. I would be honored to have your perspective added to the ongoing discussion. You can just tweet @MelindaKucsera on Twitter (or direct message) or if you’d prefer to discuss this over email, just fill out the contact form on my site. Whatever you’re most comfortable with and worry not, you can decline if this is too far outside of your scope.

    1. Hi Melinda, thank you so much for this. Absolutely, I would be honored if you quoted my piece! I can’t wait to read your thoughts:) I really appreciate your encouraging words. I love when bloggers support one another. Rock on sister! Hugs and love xox

      1. Thank you! It’ll most likely air next week so I have some time to collect my thoughts. I’ll link back to your post and hopefully some of my readers will drop by. I’m so happy to add your voice to the discussion.

  86. Dear Friend, I have had a few days to think about how to respond to your thoughts regarding your recent incident. Allow me to sound off for a moment or two, maybe three. You’re a wonderful lovely person we can all see that you dearly love the Lord. Yes that is true we are simple human beings are weak. However with Christ the Bible says we are more than conquers through Christ. Your past is your past and the only way we are called to revisit it is through the power of the Holy Ghost. Never let Satan and a silver tongue allow you to open the door. Close the door to your past with the blood of Jesus applied on that door. The enemy fears the blood. Secondly worry not for unpleasant commentary. Do good to those who hate you. Pray for those who persecute you. LOve show Love and follow peace with all men. Lastly how could anybody not like your posts. Your a Beverly Lewis meets Danielle Steele. In other words. Of the Bible says you are fearfully and wonderfully made you best believe it. I call upon all of your readers to show you great compassion. I would like each reader to explain to BBB why her writing is special to them. Remember in the end LOve destroys hate…

    1. Hi there friend, wow thank you so much for this encouraging note! Those are such kind words, I’m absolutely touched. You’re so right, we are all made new in Christ, so we need to live in that freedom and not revisit the past. Hope you’re having a great weekend. Hugs and love xox

  87. Your post made me think again about the books of Numbers and Joshua. Why? Because the new land, the promised land comes with boundaries. You are doing a good job of carrying the diamonds not the rough stuff they come in. 🙂 Blessings on your journey.

    1. Hi Christine! Thank you so much for this beautiful note of encouragement. I actually haven’t read much of those books, but I really should. I think I’ll make that my project for the rest of the weekend. Thanks for stopping by. Sending big hugs to you friend xox

  88. Totally unrelated to the post BBB, but I couldn’t see another spot to send a message. I am taking my daughter to NYC in August to visit NYU. She is applying in the fall. Where are safe, decent, and affordable hotels in Manhattan? There were so many to choose from, I didn’t want to pick a bad area. Most of my family lives in Buffalo, so I have never been to the city before. Thanks for any advice!

    1. Hi friend! Oh that’s exciting! NYu is a great school. Honestly, there really aren’t any “dangerous” areas in Manhattan anymore. The city is incredibly safe, so I guess it just boils down to what area of town you want to be in. NYu is in Greenwich village around Washington square. Honestly, all hotels in the city are going to be on the pricier side, unless you want to get a hotel on Brooklyn or queens but those areas, although safe, aren’t as convenient as in the city city. I would go onto a discount travel site and see what hotel deals come up. My sibling has found some great deals on travelzoo for new NYC hotels that were affordable. The one area I would say to be careful of is Chinatown. I will say that my mom visited and her hotel was in Chinatown, and she didn’t think it was the safest area, so she switched hotels after seeing it. That hotel was listed as being in soho, but it was technically on the border on Chinatown. So just double check before you book. Alphabet city is another area like that. But other than that you should be golden. I’d say look for a place in Washington square or union square. Ok this is super long now. Hope that helped! And congrats to your daughter! Hugs and love xox

    1. Hah you know to be honest, I really have no idea! I am active across all the social media sites so there’s that. And also, using hashtags helps. But other than that, I’m honestly pretty surprised!

  89. BBB:

    Boundaries are good–I am sorry to hear that your buttons are still sore. Still, recognizing your vulnerability is a good sign of mental and spiritual health.

    If you have an interest in publishing a book, one of my goals this year is to publish other authors so I might be able to help (http://wp.me/p4iojd-9U).

    Stephen

    1. Thank you for this kind note, Stephen. I really appreciate your encouragement. You’re right-being vulnerable isn’t always a bad thing. There’s good to come of it. Oh that’s awesome! Thank you! I’ll check it out:) Hugs and love xox

  90. I love reading your blog. Good for you for standing your ground! Don’t let anyone pry and bring you down. God’s got you and you have Him! xoxo, thrmarshall

  91. I believe your ability to put into words the wisdom gained through your experiences is a gift and calling from God. This blog post just further solidifies my belief of this, and I, for one, and thankful you choose to use your gift of expression to fulfill the call. I can only try to imagine how many hearts your words touch, and how many people find strength in your shared experiences, as you witness of the Grace of a loving God in whom we can all find refuge as we face our individual challenges and trials. Stay strong, stay true, stay faithful! (in other words “you go girl!” 🙂 )

    1. Oh my gosh, thank you so much! That is so kind of you to say. I really appreciate such wonderful encouragement. God is good, that’s all I can say! haha thanks again. hugs and love xox

  92. Thank you for sharing your story with us, especially this quote “He does expect us to give our weaknesses to Him. So that He can be invincible”

    you’re very brave 🙂

    God Bless!

  93. First, I want to thank you for visiting my page. I never take that lightly. Second, I also want to thank you for me an encouragement to others. Third, I want you to know that your post is very transparent and wonderful. I enjoyed reading it.

  94. “God does not expect us to be perfect. But He sure expects us to give our weaknesses to Him so that He’d be invincible.” These words spoke to me a great deal, BeautyBeyondBones. Keep up the good work, dear.

  95. Wow I love what you said about not bringing your past with you cause if you do it’s not really your past. That hit home with me, thank you thank you for the reminder. Your story is inspiring, eating/mental disorders do not define us!! We are in it together ☺️

    1. Thanks friend. I really appreciate your kind words. You’re right-those things don’t define us! So glad you stopped by. Have a beautiful afternoon! Hugs and love xox

    1. Hi friend, thank you so much for your kind words:) that really means a lot. I typically don’t do guest posts, but if things clear up in my schedule, I could perhaps make an exception! The summer, things tend to slow down a bit so I could possibly do one:) thanks for asking!! Hugs and love xox

  96. Well done on your strength and resilience – remember Jesus in the desert. He had to remain strong to God’s plan for him. This is a great example of how important it is rely on God when the sun shines and in the midst of the storm.

    Stay strong, Stay Happy!

  97. Wow! I wonder why that person make that comment. Were they mean or just stupid?Maybe even imagining they were helping you?
    Anyhow you did right not to entertain those thoughts. Read Philippians 4:8 instead. It has helped me overcome depression repeatedly.

    1. Hi Rachel! Thank you so much for your kind words. Honestly i wish I could say it was ignorance but it was pretty mean spirited. Thanks for the verse recco. God is good. Hugs and love xox

  98. Thoughts are so powerful. They can be dangerous if we entertain Satan’s thoughts, but a blessing if the thoughts we ruminate upon come from God. I’m glad you were able to clarify so that hopefully none of us will make the same mistake.

  99. Wise choice to walk away from responding to the commenter.

    There is a school of thought that for solid mental health we are supposed to share all of our feelings and talk it out. This is often true of course but it is also often a falsehood for the reason you articulate. Dragging stuff up can be damaging if not done carefully.

    Particularly to ask for it anonymously online. That would be the height of malpractice by any standard.

    Thanks for being public about not responding and the reasons why. Folks need to have that kind of permission plus the word of hope you give.

    1. Hi Lance, thank you so much for this response. I appreciate the encouragement. You’re right, dragging stuff up can be detrimental if not done carefully. So glad you stopped by! hugs and love xox

  100. Oh my goodness I really really really needed to hear this wisdom today – thank you so much. As you know from reading my blog, I too am in recovery from an ED, one which manifests itself in different ways to anorexia, but is based on the same lies and shame. I love that through the unhelpful comment came an opportunity for the strength of your faith to rise up and cut down those lies and shame. God works together all things for the good of those who love Him! And you know what- His Holy Spirit shines out of you, even in your anger (which seems like righteous anger to me). We are so truly blessed to have Jesus fighting for us. I stand with you my sister-in-Christ as we battle on through this – let’s keep praying for those who dishearten and discourage us, for His love is our weapon and our shield.
    Lots of love L xxx

    1. Hey L! Thank you so much for this. Your kindness and encouragement are so appreciated. Amen to that- He is fighting for us. What a comforting thought. Stay strong, warrior. You’re an inspiration! Hugs and love xox

  101. This has been by far my favorite post of yours. Your words are raw, honest, and authentic. The eating disordered voice in the back of my head still haunts me sometimes even though I’ve been in recovery for about 5 years. It is so comforting to know that other people in long-term recovery still get preyed on by that voice too but are able to find comfort in Christ. Thank you for being so real!

    1. Hey Kenny, thank you so much for such kind words. Wow 5 years-rock on warrior! Oh yes, that voice can try to sneak in but you’re so right-there is comfort and strength to be found in Christ! Thanks for stopping by! Hugs and love xox

  102. This is well written… It is not easy to describe the distinction between revisiting things that need to be healed and preventing oneself from going to a place which would not be healthy. I know where that line is for myself… and I would venture a guess that it is different for each person. It is that cliff which should not be walked off. And each person has their own drop off.
    But the reminder in the end is positive – and the fact that ED brings us to our knees – absolutely begging for the grace and strength to face something we can’t on our own – shows me again and again that God can conquer ALL.

    1. Hi there friend, thank you so much for this powerful reflection. Amen to that – God can and does conquer all. Even ED. I am so grateful for that, because you’re right – I definitely cannot face it on my own. So glad this resonated with you. Sending hugs and love xox

  103. 2 Timothy 3:17
    That the man of God may be perfect, throughly furnished unto all good works. We, and I’m preaching to myself, must strive to be perfect.

    1. Hi friend! Thank you for sharing this verse. You’re right, we just try to follow His perfect example, as best we earthly and fallen people can. What a comfort though to know that God will have our backs when we fall. Thanks for your comments this morning. Hugs and love xox

      1. Anytime 🙂 we all make mistakes… we shouldn’t be shackled down by them. Tell every “backbelle” to go and live their life before criticizing yours

    1. Hi friend. This is a great question. The rosary is just another form of prayer. Not prayer to Mary, which it so often gets mistaken for. The rosary is a tool that points to the life of Jesus. People often give it a bad wrap for being just a bunch of repetitive and memorized prayers. But that’s not the case. Yes, we pray repeated prayers, but that just to free us up to reflect upon the life of Jesus. So we don’t get caught up in the “words” so to speak, and just think about Jesus. His turning water into wine. His scourging at the pillar, His crowning with thorns. His carrying the cross. His crucifixion. His death. His resurrection. The cool thing about the rosary is that instead of having to focus on the words, I can focus on His life and His incredible sacrifice. Yes, there is a time for “free form” prayer, if you will-and I do that every day. But sometimes, like this particular moment, I was so perplexed that I couldn’t even come up with the words, so I just wanted to meditate and think about Jesus’s life. That’s what the rosary is. Hope that helps clear some things up. Thanks again for stopping by! Hugs and love xox

      1. Have you sought HIS counsel on this? Is praying with it what HE wants? Or does He want just your prayers without the props, so to speak?

      2. I appreciate your concern. Yes, He does get my prayers “without the props.” I pray every day. This was just an instance when I wanted to reflect and meditate on His life with the rosary. It is soothing. It is comforting. And frankly, it is beautiful. I seek His counsel in every decision I make. I seek His will, His mercy, His face every minute of the day. I live for Him. After His sacrifice, that is the least I can do. Praying with the help of the rosary is one of many forms of prayer that I do. They are all just different forms of worship. Free form prayer, singing, dance, going to church, the rosary–all are ways we can praise Him and worship Him. One is not better than the other.

      3. You defended praying the Rosary very nicely. I am with you: when I am at a loss for words, or have prayed my heart out until I can’t go any more but it still feels like I need to pray more, I always turn to the Rosary and use my meditation on the life, death and resurrection of Jesus as my prayer.
        I admire your faith, your leaning on the grace of God to help you continue a life of freedom away from ED. Hang in there!

  104. That commenter sounds like kind of a dick. I’m sorry that happened to you. Stay strong. I really enjoy your posts. And I love that you turned a negative experience into a beautiful positive post. ❤️❤️

    1. Hi friend! Thank you for your kind words. I appreciate your support so much. Yeah people can be mean. Just gotta shake it off:) have a great day! Hugs and love xox