Seeing RED 

*sigh* This post is going to be difficult to write.

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The saying goes, never judge a person until you walk a mile in their shoes…or something like that.

And I’ve learned over the years that as much as I hate those cliched little nuggets, they actually hold a lot of truth. Stand the test of time.

I’ve been wanting to respond to my recent post on Feminism for a while now. It garnered quite the diverse feedback. And I appreciate that so much. One of the cool things about an online community like this is that people bring with them all their experiences and perspectives. We all are on different journeys, and I sincerely enjoy learning and listening to every person.

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After that last post, there were numerous reflections that took offense at my statements about motherhood:

The very essence of being female is the ability to bear children. Bring life into the world. That is the one and only thing that is uniquely female. That is the aspect of being a woman that is what should be celebrated and cherished and protected. And, in the name of feminism, we’re fighting to squelch that? Fighting to suppress that exclusively female gift? That, in my opinion, is the exact opposite of feminism.

But I’ve wanted to respond to the backlash I received from this very statement. It’s taken me this long, because honestly, my heart has been hurt by many of these replies, and it has taken me a little extra time to muster the courage to respond.

As you all are very well aware, I had a severe case of anorexia in high school, and then an equally dire relapse in college.

But there’s a dirty little secret about anorexia that not many people realize, and that I have personally not shared yet. But there is a devastating consequence of this disease that many sufferers experience, even after they are “healed.”

And that’s…

Infertility.

And typing that out, my heart is just heavy with devastation. It’s one of those things that I’ve just locked away in a box and thrown away the key. Figuring that if I never uttered it, it wouldn’t actually be true. Ignorance…or rather, denial…is bliss.

But the fact is, here I am a mid twenty-something, and I’ve never menstruated.


I developed anorexia right on the cusp of puberty in high school. And at the same time, I was simultaneously diagnosed with ulcerative colitis – an incurable autoimmune disease.

So it was really the “perfect storm” of my body truly fighting to stay alive, that that part of my development just never happened.

So when I talk about women being the crown of creation, and that motherhood is the essence of womankind, it is coming from a heart that has mourned that gift. A heart that breaks that I will not be able to offer that gift to my husband. My family. Myself.

But a heart that knows that God will make me a mother one way or another. God has put that longing in my heart, and will not let it go to waste. There are other forms of motherhood : adoption, spiritual motherhood, fostering love for my nieces and other children in my life.

And I don’t put a miracle past God either.

Not being able to bear children – whether through infertility, menopause, life situation, what-have-you…that does not mean that you are not fully female, as many people assumed I was proposing.

Far from it.

And I bet those women will tell you that those “mothering” qualities have been lived out in other, nearly-as-fullfilling ways.

And I know that that yearning and loss my heart has wrestled with, has added to the depth and character of my own feminine qualities. It has given me a perspective that I bring to each and every encounter I have. It is a “bag” – or a jewel, rather – that I carry with me on my journey.

So that, like in this community, we can all come together and collective converse, coming from different paths with different perspectives.

And that, is one of mine to offer.

Why am I pro-life?

Because my heart has mourned the loss of truly, the life that I am not able to carry into this world.

The life that makes a woman a mother.

The life that makes a woman’s love life-giving. 

The life that is the result of our feminine power.


God will not forsake the love I long to give. Not to a future husband. Not to a future child. Perhaps my motherhood role will just look slightly different. But in no way does it decrease my worth. Make me any less of a woman.

I may feel that at times.

But God will make beauty from ashes.

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BBB: Because we’re all recovering from something. // For speaking/business inquiries: beautybeyondbones@yahoo.com

621 thoughts on “Seeing RED 

  1. WEll don’t be on both posts. I’ve just been made infertile due to medical treatment and I didn’t take any offence at your first post at all. Your respectful handling of the topics and responses is a breath of fresh air

    1. Thank you so much Sherri. I’m so sorry you can so personally relate. thank you for your kind and gentle words. Hang in there. I know that news is challenging to receive. Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers. big hugs xox

  2. My heart dropped as I read this. I’m so glad that you have had the courage to share. This is such a hard topic. It is amazing how you have relied on God through this. Thanks for sharing <3

    1. Thank you so much Rebekah. Yeah, this is one of the sides of ED that often gets overlooked, but that has devastating consequences…even after you’ve been healthy and strong in recovery for nearly 10 years. I appreciate your kind words. big hugs xox

      1. I was never aware of this until you posted this. It really sheds light on something that doesn’t get talked about. I know I’ve said already but thank you so much for sharing this!!

  3. What an elegant response in the midst of your own mourning and pain. Thank you. As a man, when we were not able to have our own children, I had to face that reality. We really never want to. Adoption was the route we took. Many blessings and challenges over the past 39 years in that path. Occasionally I have wondered, what would it have been like to have my own biological children. I’ll never know, but thanks to God I don’t have to live in that wondering condition. I am father to two men (in mid 40s) five grandchildren, and one great grandchild.

    You have so much to offer people. I am really glad you are writing about this. And again, thank you

    1. Thanks friend. I appreciate you sharing your story. Gosh, what blessings God poured out to you through that challenge. I am so glad that you were able to have such a beautiful family. God really is good. thanks again for the encouragement. big hugs xox

  4. I’ve been here. I’ve talked a lot about fertility when it comes to certain Christian topics that spark controversy and it is never an easy minefield to travel through.

    I don’t say this to give you false hope, but I was supposed to be infertile as well. I wasn’t, but because of what I had done to my body with anorexia, it was an extremely difficult and dangerous pregnancy. My body never recovered from the lack of mineral storages that resulted from the age I was when the disease first took over.

    Don’t let anyone tell you that you are wrong to feel sad about potentially not being able to have children. There can be great joy and pain on both sides of the fence.

    Focus on what is important: the vocation God has already given you. He’s in control, not us (thank Him, literally), and not anorexia.

    Praying for you, as always. <3

    1. Thank you so much for this, Rebecca. Gosh, what a beautiful thing. So much hope here. And I will cling to that. Thank you for sharing this. Truly. I am incredibly uplifted by this. And I am so happy that you were able to have a child. God is so so good! big hugs xox

      1. <3 I know it probably sounds like crappy advice on the internet, but I really do mean it. You have an amazing community here and your true fans know your intentions. Don't worry about the rest. 🙂

      2. hahah no no not at all! no crappy advice here!! I am truly touched by your gentle spirit and friendship — which, sounds mighty cheesy, but it is the absolute truth. Thanks again. you are a blessing to me, Rebecca. hugs xox

  5. So sorry you had to endure such comments, we are all so quick to judge without knowing the circumstances behind our words!
    Doubt it helps but I grew up with a girl who like you had ED and didn’t menstruate. She fell for my neighbour and they decided to get all the professional help possible both to ‘cure’ her ED and to hopefully get her fertile. Long story short they succeeded in both! She has five healthy happy children and hasn’t looked back. That family gives her the courage to never relapse … pray you might have a similar outcome one day. It is possible!

    1. Thanks Ginger. I appreciate your kindness, and for sharing that wonderful story! that’s so awesome that they were able to have kinds! and five!! Praise God indeed. Thanks again. big hugs xox

  6. You are so brave to share all of that. You are absolutely right – God didn’t plant the seed of love for a child without making a way for that growth. I know you already do, but hold onto that. And in the meantime, many of us will pray for you… for that someday baby to fill your arms and heart.

    1. Thank you so much Christine. I think you’re right – I am going to trust in His divine plan. Because He will work all things together for good. Thank you for your prayers. it means the absolute world. you are a blessing to me 🙂 hugs xox

  7. Oh, dear one, I am so saddened by this revelation. You present such courage to us, and at the same time affirm that to be feminine is as much in the spirit as in gender. Please be of good heart and know that you are beloved by God, who has tendered to you gifts of intelligence and compassion that should please any man, and bless the children that gather under your wings.

    1. Thank you so much. Gosh Brian, I am so touched and uplifted by your words, and I mean that so sincerely. You have spoken to my soul tonight. so many thanks 🙂 with much love xoxo

  8. My advice, for what that’s worth lol…the same prayer and thank you to God that I gave you about the husband. God give me the child you want me to have, and thank Him every prayer time after that 🙂 God bless you xoxo big hugs 🙂

    1. I love that. I’ll definitely do that. it’s funny how it’s the answer to both (and I believe all things!) There is power in preyer. Thanks for the encouragement! big hugs xo

      1. Yes, the prayer and the thanks, showing Him that you truly believe He heard you and faith that He will keep His promise to answer you 🙂 You deserve all the blessings that He wants to shower you with 🙂 Personally, I love torrential downpours of blessing myself 😉

      2. torrential downpours of blessings 🙂 that made me smile. actually, whenever it rains and I hear it on the roof, I always think about that. thanks again for being so uplifting. you rock 🙂

  9. Oh, dearheart. Never ever doubt that you will be a terrific mother, in whatever way it manifests. All things are possible, after all. And there are LOTS of people on this earth who need Moms, big time. I have always thought that that very thing might be the most important of all. (A good friend raised her nieces by marriage after their parents death. She is most definitely their mother.) And fulfilling every possible physical function does not EVEN define anybody. Is every guy who can’t bench press a ridiculous number of pounds not a man? Perhaps a too trifling comparison but i hope you get it. We disagree to a certain extent but I respect your thought and soul process a lot. You will do the right thing, and good will come of it! *bear hugs*

    1. Thank you so much friend. Gosh, you are so kind with your words. i am so touched. You’re right, there are lots of children who need good parents. Wow, what a gift your friend gave to her nieces. that’s so beautiful. you’re right. thanks for this wonderful encouragement. big hugs xox

  10. My friend, I want to apologize if, in any way, what I shared with your last post disrespected or wounded you or some how made you feel less than enough. I don’t think I really touched on that but sometimes my typing gets ahead of my brain so if I was thoughtless or ignorant, I ask for your forgiveness. If I did offend, I will gladly do whatever I can in my power to make amends (that offer has little to no monetary value… sorry)
    I also want to say that I am hearing your pain now and my heart aches with yours. I do understand loss and grieving but I can’t even imagine your pain. I do believe God honours the heartfelt cry and our willingness to love so I will add my prayers to yours trusting confidently that your Good Good Father will do the most loving work he can do in your life. Meanwhile, I want to affirm your previous statement about womanhood but also remind you that your womanness, your worth, your value, and everything you are is first found in the loving hands of God who has never forsaken you and is loving you into everything you were created to be.
    On a side note, it’s nice to know you are a mid-twenty-something. I am emotionally stunted in my mid-twenties. Now we have common ground!

    1. Hi Brad, oh no no, nothing you said hurt me at all! Truly! I am always grateful to read your words. I always learn a thing or two 😉 Thank you for this beautiful encouragement and for your prayers. I think you’re right, God *IS* good, and He is capable of turning even the darkness into light. That’s so true – He has never and will never forsake me, or you, or any of us 🙂 Thanks again, Brad. And again – no worries! I loved our volley about that last post!! It was great fun 🙂 have a great night xoxox

  11. I love what you wrote that you where so wronged for I agree in every word you wrote . I am so upset with people who cannot keep their nasty opinions to themselves . I am so sorry for what was taken away from you but where God is concerned you will be a mother he and you will make that happen . hugs hon

    1. Thank you so much, friend. I really appreciate that. I think you’re right – God has a plan – and a *good* one at that. And it is unfolding as we speak. I just have to trust and be patient and remember His sovereignty and goodness. Thanks again for the encouragement. it means a lot. big hugs xox

  12. May God continue to comfort you, and work in you. There aren’t many people called to adoption, and I’m not saying you are, but it is such a beautiful gift. Beyond words really. I’m sorry you were hurt but thank you for courage! Did you know you were courageous?

    1. Thank you so much. I agree, it is such a special gift to give a child in need. haha I didn’t know that, but I sure am feeling affirmed by your words! so thank you again!!! big hugs xox

  13. I often read your blog. I’m also- fiercely feminist. Your post surprised me… but I’m glad I held my tongue. Now I understand. We all have feelings based on our own experiences ❤️ I have a strong feeling that you are a wonderful and caring person, I hope that someday you cradle a baby girl. I bet at that point feminism may look a bit differently to you. ❤️

    1. Hi friend! Thanks for saying that. And thank you for your kind words. What a beautiful thought. I think you’re right. It may look a bit different holding a baby girl of my own. Gosh, that would be an amazing day 🙂 So glad you stopped by and shared your heart 🙂 Big hugs to you xox

    1. Oh Mrs. B, thank you so much for this uplifting note. Amen to that. He DOES work miracles and I don’t put it past Him! Yes! I’m filled with so much hope. thanks again. big hugs xox

  14. I”m stunned that some were offended by that post….. I thought that post was dead on and beautiful… then again , these days, all you have to do is sneeze and someone’s offended… I could not have children due to illness but I experienced motherhood and still do through my two grown up nephews and my grown up niece all if which I helped to raise… So as you know, there are many forms of motherhood and YES! That is what sets us apart.. Please don’t take the criticism to heart.. The majority of the time, the one criticizing is not happy with themselves, not you….

    1. Thank you so much Robyn, for sharing your story. I am so sorry that you can so personally relate. It makes my heart happy to know that you got to be a mother to your nephews and niece. They are lucky to have such a wonderful woman in their lives. Thanks again for your encouragement. big hugs xo

  15. I don’t even know what to say. I feel your sadness. Thank you for being so open about this deeply personal and painful situation. Most often, there is more to someone’s story than most people know about. I can easily tell that you are a loving, giving woman, and maybe motherhood may look different than you thought it would. But it definitely does not decrease your worth! xx

    1. Aw, Jenny, thank you so much for your kind words. I really appreciate your support. it means so much. And thanks, that’s just what I need to hear tonight. you are so good. thanks again. hugs xox

  16. First, let me say you handle a very personal subject and obviously controversial subject … to some … with such dignity and grace seldom see by someone of your years. Quite frankly, not many far more senior would have handle it as well as you have.

    Secondly, why am I following a feminist blog? Because those who don’t open their minds to other opinions and ways of thinking will never be free of the chains that hold them back, and will always be a hostage to ignorance. So, I persevere to be free … along with I truly like your outlook and writing.

    I have never been a mother, yet I have been a single parent raising two children, a foster parent and an adoptive parent, so although I can not feel what you feel, I can understand and be empathetic. How? Because raising children has been my life.

    With all that said, other than saying you are a wonderful example of what a mother should be … and I know some who haven’t half the strength and compassion you do and you would be a great mother to any child fortunate to be adopted or mentored by you. (Here comes the professional advice) I often reminded my writers not everyone will agree with and opinion (for those who would write an occasional oped) and if they didn’t get at least one piece of hate mail from a column they wrote … they weren’t doing their jobs.

    What you don’t realize, through your words, is you have stimulated conversation on a subject, you have educated those to another way of seeing a point of view … and your “Seeing Red,” has shown you will not back down. LOOK AT ALL YOU HAVE ACCOMPLISHED in one blog.

    All of those emotionally charged negative comments is just another link in the chain that holds people back.

    Keep your head and chin up, heart open … and a pen and blank sheet of paper handy … and, keep on writing.

    “It is far better to live in poverty as a writer and enrich the lives of others, than it is to be a rich writer and not have impacted the life of anyone.” ~John W. Peeler

    1. Hi John, thank you so much for sharing this thoughtful response. Gosh, I feel so empowered and uplifted by your words!! You are so generous with your words. Thank you!! I am seriously so touched. I think adoption is such a powerful and meaningful gift to give a child. And wow, what a beautiful family you have. thanks again for sharing this with me. have a wonderful evening xoxo

      1. Thank you! You have a gift for words … let your life experiences past, present and future keep driving you … While sometime difficult, it, along with your way of writing will continue to serve you well. Wish I could have had a couple more writers like you when I was a newspaper editor. 🙂

  17. My husband and I wanted six children and asked God for them. With two little boys in our home, I was diagnosed with cervical cancer at the age of 24 and had to have a hysterectomy. We thought our dream was gone but we have always believed that God knows best. But the next year my sister began having severe heart problems and with her husband a long haul truck driver there was no one to raise her two little girls. God directed us to step into the breach. And a few years after that we were gifted with two more little boys who needed a home when their mother didn’t want them. Six children! Yes, God knows best and is faithful so keep placing your heart before Him. He can show you what He has in store and it will be awesome.

    1. Oh friend, I am so sorry you’ve had to walk that health journey. But wow, isn’t God incredible in how He provides? What a beautiful family you have. Thank you so much for sharing your story. You have blessed me with your words. I am so full of hope. thanks again. big hugs xox

  18. As a male, and one who is unable to carry a child (although I was present at the creation once) I don’t feel that pull to motherhood that you do. That said, I can still be sorry for you that it has worked out this way.

    I have some thoughts on the original feminism article….but that can wait for another day.
    Keep writing sister
    xox

    1. Hi Jeff, thanks for this. I really appreciate your kind words. I would love to hear them! I sincerely appreciate hearing all different perspectives and ideas! thanks for stopping by and for being awesome 🙂 hugs xox

  19. Beauty for ashes & the oil of joy for mourning! Thank you so much for sharing your heart on this, it brings a whole new perspective to ED that I was not aware of (continuing to learn something new every day)!

    My wife and I were in somewhat of a similar boat; dealing with infertility for many years & grieving for the children we did not have. Praise God that He still heals today, and after 18 years He blessed us with our wonderful daughter. While my wife was healed enough for that. However, there has been much more grief following (and prior to) this as we have had to deal with numerous miscarriages since that time – a whole ‘nother type of grief…

    I pray God gives you peace and, if it is His will, ‘complete’ healing. In the meantime, it seems you are an awesome Auntie and I pray that interaction offers you solace.

    Blessings,
    Scott P.

    1. the oil of joy. I love that 🙂 Thanks so much for sharing part of your story, Scott. I’m so sorry that you and your wife can relate to this on such a personal level. What a journey the two of you have been on and my heart just goes out to you for all you have been through. But oh my gosh, I got choked up reading about how He blessed you both with your daughter! praise God! Thanks again for the encouragement and prayers. it means the world. big hugs xox

  20. Thank you for putting yourself out “there” time and again. Thank you for so thoughtfully writing this post, addressing this heartbreak which so many carry. Thank you for your deep Faith that supplies all your readers with Hope. I am so sorry for what you have born, endured in your (young) lifetime. But I am so thankful for the beauty from ashes that God has created in you. You are a beautifully feminine woman!!! May God continue to inspire and give you Words. <3

    1. Thank you so much Mindy. You are so kind. Yeah, unfortunately, I know that a lot of people have to deal with journey. Yes, God can and will make beauty from the ashes. gosh, I am so touched by this. thanks again for your prayers and encouraging words. sending massive hugs xox

  21. Being vulnerable to attacks from others, when being honest is a rare quality.
    I appreciate your honesty and being so transparent,… and many can learn from that. 😊
    (Huge hugs, and lots of love)

    1. Thanks so much 🙂 I really appreciate the support. Yeah, it’s always a little scary to open yourself up. Especially on the internet! yikes!!! thanks again. hugs xoxox

  22. Aw man… I’m sorry to here that. Yeah, I have heard how anorexia can have an impact on fertility. But if God wants to make you a mother, He will. Motherhood isn’t just restricted to being a birth mother. It can be via fostering or adopting… Heck right now my kids are the kids I’ve been teaching through my substitute teaching job. It’s not the same as being a mother, but I have seen through all the times I have been there for the kids how they have appreciated me being there for them and guiding them. So motherhood will come to you in many different forms. That’s what I have picked up on at least…

    1. Thank you so much, friend. Those are such encouraging words. You’re right – I need to remember that God is sovereign and in control and wants only good things for His children. And He is capable of creating beauty from ashes. You’re right, there are lot of other ways to look at motherhood. I’m so glad that you’re able to be a mother to your students. They’re really lucky to have such a positive and loving influence in their lives 🙂 thanks again. big hugs xox

  23. I’m going to “out” myself a little bit on this one, only because I have a strong opinion about feminism…even as “weird” as most might find me. But as a bisexual male dealing with some gender-identity issues (not my words, but it seems to describe me accurately), I disagree with the premise that giving being pregnant is anything BUT female. It’s biologic, and redefining it for other reasons and call it a right, distorts the reality (UGh….and saying this almost makes me feel guilty). But it should be honored if a woman chooses (That word “choice” is intriguing) to bare children – isn’t that as much a right as anything else?

    I think feminism has ventured FAR from what the women’s suffrage movement intended. It was supposed to qualify a woman with dignity, it was meant to ensure that women had the same rights of protection under the law as men. To claim the inherent right of life as exclusive, seems to me that there is an underserved population, based on those decisions – the rights of the unborn.

    Now, I’ll shut up…

    1. Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts and perspective. I truly appreciate hearing the opinions and beliefs of everyone, even if they’re different from mine. We all are coming to the table with different experiences and perspectives, and that’s how we learn and grow. And that’s how respect and understanding is born 🙂 So thank you for offering yours 🙂 big hugs to you xo (And PS: I don’t find you weird at all 🙂 )

      1. I read posts like this and there is a pull at me…
        I grew up as a catholic, so the idea of life being a sanctity is still inside me…it’s a part of me. And even more so because I know my own mother was talked out of an abortion while she was carrying me.
        It hits really close to home for me.

      2. Wow, I can only imagine. I just got chills reading that. Thank you so much for sharing that. I am so glad that your mom chose life 🙂 You are truly a gift to this world!!

      3. Normally, I’m less subtle in begging for attention, but I wrote a piece today that I would be interested in your opinion, if you happen to have time.

        I have to admit, this post of yours today caused me to open my bible last night – something I have not done in years. my post is titled “Catholicity and My Sexuality”.

      4. Oh wow, that’s so awesome! I’m so humbled that you would say that:) I will definitely check it out today and I look forward to reading your words! Hugs and love xox

  24. Bravo for your honesty. I am so sorry for the pain you are suffering from this. But you are right, the Father has a plan for you regarding motherhood and It.Is.Awesome. I don’t have the same story, but am dealing with a lot of anger and loss from my husband making the *surgical* choice (with my begrudging aquiescence as a faithful Catholic…) to put the kabosh on having more children (we have four but I was open to more). And I DO feel somewhat disenfranchised as a woman because of my loss of the experience of “new motherhood” even though I realize that is not the case. But thank you for reminding me that God is there for me as a mother through all phases.
    God bless, and I am completely on board with your brand of feminism:-)

    1. It. Is. Awesome. Indeed! 🙂 thank you so much for this thoughtful reply. You’re right, God has a plan that is good, and I will trust Him. I’m sorry that you can relate on such a personal level. There really is such a biological yearning to be mothers. Deep in the fiber of our being. I’ll definitely keep you and your family in my prayers 🙂 thanks again for the encouragement. Big hugs to you xox

  25. Thank you…total grace and vulnerability mixed with a lot of wisdom and consideration that was so good for me to read today. I appreciate you sharing…

  26. I love your two posts about feminism and the backlash. I didnt see the first one until I read this one and you are spot on.

    Women in the first world dont have to deal with the actual opression females in the third world endure — rape, spousal abuse being the norm, denial of education, FGM… the list goes on.

    I have to say it — in that respect women in the first world are downright spoled in that respect.

    And your commentary about a woman’s purpose struck me hard; I have hashimotos hypothyroidism (autoimmune disease where my body is attacking my thyroid) and my chances of becoming pregnant and staying pregnant are not that great. As a woman, our ability to produce life is precious. And when your told you may not be able to have children, it really puts things into perspective.

    Final note — knowing what kind of woman to be in the first world is difficult in that it seems every action or decision is scrutinized and criticized… and the people doing the criticising are other women. Women should lift each other up and be supportive. I see this all the time working in a female majority office — there is so much pettymongering, jealousy, personalization, and backstabbing. Seriously I just made a post about these two women being offended/annoyed at me getting up and using the fax machine…

    Cant make this up lol.

    If anything is keeping other women down, it’s not the “patriarchy”, its other women.

    Thank you for these two posts and your perspective. Dont let the negative comments bother you too much. You continue being the best person you can be and enjoy life without worring about the opinions of others.

    Hugs from afar and have a great rest of your night!

    1. Thank you so much for this beautiful reflection. I am absolutely standing and cheering! You’re so right! Women need to lift other women up! What truth in that! And thank you for sharing your story. I’m so sorry that this hits home with you so personally. I will definitely keep you in my thoughts and prayers. thanks for this awesome response and for taking the time to read my words! big hugs xox

  27. I am so sorry to hear that. Which is a really strange thing to say when you stop and think about it. It can be misinterpreted as “Gah! Why’d you tell me that??” (which, believe me, is completely NOT the case here).

    Sorry. Slight side track.

    All the same, I am sorry for your loss. But you never can tell what the future (and God) may hold for you. I’m hoping for all the best because you deserve it. 🙂

    1. Thanks friend 🙂 You’re right, I never know how God is going to work His plan. And I do trust it is a good plan 🙂 Thanks for these kind words. it really means a lot. big hugs to you xox

      1. Thanks for the hugs! I have four daughters, aged 21 – 12. I follow your blog and send them posts from time to time because I want them to see that an authentic life, faithful to the teaching Church, is the fullest manifestation of sanctification. As St. Irenaeus said: “The glory of God is man fully alive.” I also send your posts to friends who teach young ladies at a local school. Know that your witness means a lot to many people, even if they don’t thank you or find the time to express their appreciation. Keep up the positive energy and continue your striving toward the good, the true, and the beautiful. May God continue to reward your efforts to do something consciously by elevating your own being into greater conformity with the glorious life of Our Savior. Peace!

      2. Oh my gosh, I am so touched that you would send them to your daughters and friends! wow, i am just — so grateful 🙂 thank you again! This made my day 🙂 Thanks for the prayers. know that you and your daughters are in mine too 🙂 xox

  28. Bless you sis for your courage, your vulnerability and your heart to “bare” it all and stand ‘naked’ before others. As you mourn over what may never be, take heart to know that as God reminded me in worship a few weeks ago, He is still the God of miracles! He can and does bring fruitfulness out of things and circumstances that seem barren or hopeless in such beautiful ways. Praying that He does an “Ephesians 3:20 blessing” in your life and that all things will work together for your good and His glory. ❤️

    1. Thank you friend. Yeah, perhaps it’s a little crazy to share this kind of stuff on the internet! yikes! haha Yes! The tis so true – He can do the impossible. So I’m going to give Him the chance to do that! Thanks for this awesome encouragement. I am so uplifted. Thanks for the prayers. hugs xox

  29. You and I are similar. I have a disease and disorder that makes it hard to bear children because of the complications. I don’t want to go into it here, but I understand. You can message me if you ever need a friend. We have a different plan by God than most women. Nothing wrong with that.

    1. Hi Stiina, thank you so much for sharing your story. I’m so sorry that you can relate so personally. You’re right, a different plan , but a good plan. We can cling to that truth. 🙂 Thanks again for the kind words. I will definitely keep you in my thoughts and prayers. big hugs to you xox

  30. I love reading your honest words, the words that straight from the deepest point of your heart. It saddens me that you have to defend yourself. This is your blog, your words, feelings. This is a piece of you – raw, honest, and beautiful. This is your journey, your healing path. And you do not ever need permission to share you. If someone does not agree, it is their right, but it is YOUR right to share a part of yourself. But, it is not their right to bash you for your feelings.

    It’s ironic that people feel “offended” by things but have no problem attacking someone else with the excuse that they are exercising their freedom of speech, or that they are responding because they they were offended. Gone are the times where people acted like grownups and just move on.

    Don’t allow someone else’s shortcomings to dim your light. Continue to shine brightly and beautifully. You are inspiring to many.

    1. Oh thank you so much. That’s really kind of you say. Yeah, I definitely agree. can’t let these things get me down. And I agree, that is rather ironic. I guess that’s what I get for putting my feelings on the internet! haha thanks again for your encouragement and support. big hugs to you xox

  31. You and are the same in many ways. I was anorexic for many years. I had fertility problems, immune problems etc. Let me just say that this very heartfelt and right on the money. I can relate. I must say if you catch up on my stories, you’ll find that I have very​ motherly experiences and 8 kids. . not one bilogical. Yet there is not one doubt in my mind that each of those children were meant to be mine. They just took another route to get to me. At times, I have felt less than because of my female problems but have also realized that God doesn’t see me as less than in any way. ❤️
    I’ve doing a daily blog. Please check it out and give me some feedback. Much love and respect. H

    1. Hi Sadi, thank you so much for sharing your story. I’m so sorry that you can relate so personally. I will definitely keep you in my thoughts and prayers. And wow – 8 children. That’s so beautiful. congratulations. That’s so true – and how special how your children came home. God is so good. I am so encouraged by this. And you’re right – definitely not “less than!” You are a jewel of great worth 🙂 cheesy but true. and you know what…i like cheesy 🙂 hehe Looking forward to read it! hugs xx

      1. Thank you. You will have your family if it’s meant to be. It took me a very long time to understand that and it doesn’t make it easier. Just never quit believing. ❤️❤️❤️Hailee

  32. Every time you share more I discover more about what a beautiful treasure to this world you are! Love light and hugs every day! Thank you for being you. You are amazing and incredible in ways that many will never reach. You touch me deeply and I am honored.

    1. Hi Migueltio, thank you friend. Gosh, thank you for saying that. I am seriously so touched by your affirming words. I am so grateful that our paths crossed so many moons ago 🙂 You are a blessing to my! big big hugs xox

  33. Good Evening,

    I think it’s sad you have to explain yourself to people who clearly didn’t care to ask why you said what you said. It’s funny how folks will jump up to attack someone they know nothing about for saying something that they clearly did not understand. I find this most sickening.

    I feel similarly to you but I don’t talk about it because I know people won’t understand and unfortunately no matter how much you explain, nothing you say can make people hear–truly hear what you are saying.

    About feminism…Feminism, to me, is subjective. It’s not about hating men it’s about having universal gender equality. For many women, it’s simply about being able to express themselves without being judged. Unfortunately, when expressing our thoughts we quickly come to the discovery that some women are just as perverse as hyper agressive males. They will attempt to silence you just as quickly and claim that they’re just trying to have a conversation.

    So basically, you’re damned if you do and damned if you don’t.

    Keep expressing yourself. It’s a good thing. And also, there is a woman I know of who hadn’t had her period in years. She ate flax seeds a lot. That seemed to fix that problem. I’m not sure if it will work for you. I’m not a doctor or anything. Just telling you what I’ve heard.

    Kyanna K.

    1. Thank you so much Kyanna. I really appreciate your kind words. And that’s a really great perspective. Thanks for sharing those thoughts. I honestly love hearing different insights and ideas. i always learn so much from other people. so thank you for contributing to the conversation! really!!! flax seeds!!!! I’ll pick some up first thing tomorrow morning!!! hugs xox

      1. Yes! Homemade flax crackers are great. You can top them with all sorts of yummy goods. Peanut butter and honey or fruit jelly. You can make them savory. You can make them sweet. You can use the flax as a garnish. So many different things you can do with it! You’re such a sweetheart! Hugs!

      2. Oh gosh, you’re making my mouth water! haha My mom puts some ground flax in her protein shake in the morning! I’ll have to give them a try! thanks again! i feel like this flax addition could be BIG! 🙂 haha sending much much love xoxo

  34. I’ll give you a man’s perspective. My wife was a registered nurse and gave up being one to bear children. It didn’t take much to get her pregnant as we testified to with Irish Twins (11 sos apart). Along the way she became pregnant 5 times but only succeeded in having three live born kids. She mourned the two miscarriages as though they were full term. She was the essence of womanhood. Besides being a mother, a nurse, a sportsman, a jokester, she was kind, loving, brave, and a fashion plate too. She endured the disfiguration of a mastectomy at age forty, and then later survived a heart attack at age 63. She cared for a diabetic son, and nursed her oldest son back to health fear a terrible accident. Between all of that she put up with me, and made me feel like I was the most important person on the planet. If one does not call her a feminist, then I don’t know what feminism is.

    1. wow, Joe. Thank you so much for sharing this. what an amazing woman. And that gives me so much hope. I’m so sorry to hear about the miscarriages the two of you had to journey through. I can only imagine the heartache and pain. i’m sending such big hugs. And thank you again for lifting my spirits. You are so good 🙂 xoxo

  35. I love you. Hugs!!! I wish I was ten years younger, I would totally surrogate for you. But there are many beautiful babies to adopt when that time comes. God will provide as He loves to do. I love you!

    1. Oh tonya, you are so kind, thank you so much. Yes, He will. I fully believe that. He can do the impossible and works all things together for good. Thanks for your encouragement. big hugs xox

  36. That was definitely from the heart and hard to say, others take for-granted their parenthood stay strong

    1. Aw, thank you girlie. Yeah, it’s so weird to say it out loud. Because honestly, I have lived knowing this, really my whole adult life. And it has been something that I’ve had to come to terms with, but I guess it has shaped who I am in more ways than I realize. I do have so much hope though. Because it’s not the end of the story. If it were, it would be really sad, but it is just the beginning of one. And I’m excited to see how God writes the rest of it 🙂 Thank you for your kind words. You are truly a blessing to me! hope you have a great weekend. sending jumbo hugs xxox

      1. You’re welcome ❤️ you’re right, it’s just the beginning of your story. Who knows what God has in plan for you? I’m sure it will be wonderful 🙂

      2. Yes!! this was one of the first things I read this morning, and you just gave me such a big dose of hope! thank you! hope you have an awesome weekend! massive hugs to you xox

  37. This post is an eye-opener. Not for one second did I ever believe that you meant to offend anyone with your post on feminism. You don’t seem to be that kind of a person, I see you as a person with a heart of gold. With that being said, God will light your path with regard to your having children in your life and I wish only the best for you. XOXOXO – Annebella

    1. Thank you so much Annebella. I am really touched by your encouraging words. I do believe that God can turn the darkness into light! He can do all things 🙂 Thanks for being so amazing. big big hugs xox

  38. Loved your post.. Seeing Red… Thank you for sharing your thoughts, your heart, your loss and most of all your faith that God is the God who cherishes life, love and all of our hopes and dreams. After all, He is the giver of life…and the desires of our hearts!

    1. Thank you so much – The Giver of Life – yes! I had forgotten about that name, but it really hits home with me. I know it’s kind of silly, but there’s something about all the different names for God that really resonate with me at different times and speak to my soul. Like, Author of Live, or Word made Flesh or Prince of Peace, etc. I had forgotten about Giver of Life, and well, it really works in this particular situation! thanks for the encouragement. big hugs xox

    1. Thank you so much Victoria. You are so kind to say that. I do believe that — that God will be there, and that He has a good and perfectly timed plan. i just need to trust and cling to that hope. thanks again. big hugs xox

  39. Amazing and vulnerable post. Don’t give up hope.
    I might catch hell for saying this but God has taught me how to deal with the spiritual roots of a lot of issues that once delt with bring very quick and even immediate physical healing. If you are interested, send me an email. At the very least I can encourage you and point you in the right direction.

    May God’s favor rest on you today.

    1. Oh thank you so much! You’re right, I’ve gotta cling to that hope. Wow, it sounds like God has really moved in your life. that is so awesome 🙂 He is good!! Thanks again for the encouragement. big big hugs xox

  40. I’m sorry you had so many hurtful responses on your other post. Unfortunately there are always going to be people who disagree with someone else.
    I think I speak for the majority of people when I say I support you and I hope your life starts getting easier.

    1. Hi Colin, thank you so much for your kind words and support. You’re right, I should expect then when I put my opinion out on the internet! haha Thank you for this. big hugs xo

  41. My dear friend,

    Even if it is not in your fate to have children, then nevertheless you bring life into the world with your beautiful heart. The purpose of life is not just getting children and the children later are getting again children (this is a kind of loop, a merry-go-round that does not bring really sense and purpose into life). However, to discover the mysteries of life and death to find the key to open us for wider spiritual horizons that will bear fruit. Then our longing for truth, love and God will be pregnant with it – some day to give birth to new a truth – to bring real life into the world with the language of your heart.

    Thank you, dear friend 🙂
    Hugs from heart to heart
    Didi

    1. Hi Didi, oh thank you so much for this beautiful response. you are always so generous with your kindness. it means so much. You’re so right. We need to seek His face and the mysteries of life and death — i like that. I’ve never thought of it like that before, but that is such an awesome perspective. that really resonated with me. thank you for sharing that. big hugs from my heart to yours 🙂 xox

  42. You are courageous. And you have the right to own your personal vision of feminism, motherhood, womanhood. It’s yours to fill in any way that fits in your heart <3

  43. Anytime you offer thoughts to the public – risk and reward are present. I believe you handled your feelings with grace, and their feelings with grace. You didn’t get nasty or call names and I commend you for that. I also love the strength you’ve found out of the darkness, and you are likely leading and mothering more people than you know. Thank you for taking a risk and sharing. 💜

  44. Jesus looked at them and said, “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.” Matthew 19:26

    I think that this post and your previous post are courageous and beautiful. They are the post of a woman who is not afraid to be a woman.

    I do not understand people who are not pro life. How can anyone be pro death. You are either one or the other and I choose life. I do not condemn any woman who has had an abortion. That act will be a burden that woman carries forever. But that is not what I want to write about at this moment. I am a man. Men have overwhelming urges to fix things, including people. Thus, the maleness in me demands that I encourage you to discuss your infertility with a fertility specialist. There are many things that can be done to treat your condition. One of my relatives had a similar problem and with the help of a fertility specialist she conceived and derived a healthy baby. This may not be possible for you which leaves the option one of my cousins took: adoption. She now has two beautiful adopted children that we all consider as much family as any “blood relative”.

    Having said the above, I encourage you to remember God’s word given in Matthew 19:26: With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.

    You are absolutely correct: the most feminine thing a woman can do is to have a child. To date, no man has ever had a baby. Men and women are equal but not the same. God does not love men more than women or women more than men. He made them to be complementary. Some men stay home and raise the children. I have a brother-in-law who does this. I have had other male friends who have done this; however, no man has ever birthed a baby. In a way women are more versatile than men. Men can take care of children, even babies, but they cannot have them or breast feed them. I once heard a renowned founder of the feminist movement say that she did not fight for women to be free from pregnancy, house keeping, and being a mommy; but, rather she fought for women to have the choice to do this. In other words, she thought that liberating women meant giving them the choice to be a factory foreman or a stay at home mom, the choice to have children or not. Being a feminist, to this woman, did not mean rejecting motherhood, it meant choice. Not choice as in to have an abortion but choice in determining one’s own destiny (I suspect that this woman would have supported abortion on demand but she did not discuss this in the talk I heard).

    Not all women are able to have children. You may be in this group. (But, I want you to see a fertility specialist to determine whether medicine can offer you hope!!!!!) However, infertility does not diminish your status as a child of God. Infertility may be the thorn in your side.

    Even if I wanted to boast, I would not be a fool, because I would be speaking the truth. But I refrain, so no one will credit me with more than he sees in me or hears from me, or with these surpassingly great revelations. So to keep me from becoming conceited, I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me.… 2 Corinthians 12: 6-8

    We are never told whether God removed the thorn from Paul’s side. We are only told what God said to Paul:

    “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”

    Paul then tells us:

    Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
    2 Corinthians 12: 9-10

    You have your thorn. You have born the insults of presenting a Christian view of feminism. Take on the strength of Christ. See an infertility specialist. Consider adoption. Unleash your mothering through your writing. Use your thorn to glorify Christ. Do what you can do.

    Delight in insults, hardships and persecutions undertaken for Jesus. Remember, it is not all about you, it is all about Him. Sill, pour your sorrow into His well and He will return to you living waters, He will sooth your troubled soul. Just as Jesus wept (John 11: 35) for Lazarus , and He weeps for you. He understands your pain.

    You are not barren unless you choose to be. You may not birth a child but being barren is a choice. If you continue to follow Jesus’ last commandment you will not be barren.

    “A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must llove one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.” —John 13:34–35 (KJV)

    Do this and your life will flow out into others and you will have brothers and sisters and spiritual children. This may be where God wants you to use your mothering talents; but, do not give up on fertility. If you still have a uterus and ovaries you must remember Philippians 4:13:
    I can do all this through him who gives me strength.

    Do not give up hope. Yet again I tell you:
    With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.

    1. With God all things are possible. Amen to that, Oogata. Thanks for sharing these beautiful verse with me. it really means a lot. Your encouragement and prayers are so appreciated. big hugs xox

  45. I understand this pain. I was told at 19 after a miscarriage that I had been rendered sterile due to the circumstances around it. For a long time I resented God, the universe, and everything because of it. Doesn’t matter that the doctor was either wrong or I’ve been blessed with healing no one expected to happen. I struggled with it for years as a result and I was prepared to look into adoption, but 5 pregnancies later I have 3 boys. My cousin wasn’t so lucky and she has often expressed to me similar feelings you have shared in this post. It always saddens me to hear this and know it will be different for her. It saddens me to know it’s different for you too.

    I know this might not make sense to anyone else, but this is why I’m pro-choice. The choice needs to go both ways. When I miscarried I felt the choice was robbed from me. Now I’m Bipolar and have become aware that around the world people are sterilized against their will due to mental disorders. Their right to choose is being robbed from them. Yes, these issues are connected and are related. Like I said, the choice needs to go both ways. No one should have the legal right to make those choices for you.

    Years after my miscarriage, trauma brought me to a place where I had to make that choice. I don’t regret the decision I made but I do resent the circumstances around the it. It wasn’t an easy decision to make, but I’m grateful I live somewhere that the choice was available to me.

    1. Oh friend, I am so sorry that you can relate on such a personal level. It just breaks my heart to read the journey you’ve had to walk. But gosh, praise God that you have your boys. Gosh, that just makes me tear up a little bit. I am so happy for you. And thank you for sharing your perspective. Everyone’s experiences shape their beliefs, and I definitely respect that. so glad you stopped by. big hugs to you xo

      1. I don’t think any of us that have experienced this pain would ever wish it upon anyone else. So far I haven’t met anyone that would at least. I do believe God has a plan for you – just as He did when you came home to your family. We might not see it or understand it, but it’s there waiting for us to find it. <3

      1. It is all true. Never allow anyone to cause you to feel or think of yourself as being anything else than the beautiful part of creation that God has made you to be…hugs and kisses

  46. In the Gospel accounts in Lent we have heard so much of Jesus seeking out those who need healing – for me all of us are in this place at some point in our lives.

    The message for me is about Jesus making us whole again simply with his love and forgiveness.

    I believe all are called to do “a definite service” and are born to do whatever God has planned us to do. Your journey is special and unique, even with the crosses to carry or the unexpected challenges you face.

    Thanks for being brave, honest and open with sharing the journey and your faith mad trust in God. I guess that’s what discipleship is all about.

    Love & prayers x

    1. Thank you so much Rob. I can’t begin to express how much I appreciate your prayers and encouragement. Yes! His love and forgiveness are incredibly healing. Thanks for this. it really resonated with me. hugs xox

  47. I haven’t read your “feminism” post yet – work has been overwhelming as of late – however I will give it a go soon! I have two children of my own, but can no longer bear children due to brain tumors that affected certain other body functions (i.e. menstruation), so although our situations aren’t identical, I can sympathize. And I understand grieving and yearning – my understanding goes into great depths! – for things – passions! – that the Lord has placed in my heart, but has not brought to fruition yet. I’m growing weary trying to be patient, but I know God is good, and He holds me in the palm of His hand! He holds you, too! He loves you and not only wants the best for you, He KNOWS what’s best for you! Find comfort in His goodness and unfailing love (and in knowing you are not alone)!

    1. Hi there friend, thank you so much for sharing your story. Gosh, I am so sorry to hear that you can relate so personally. I will definitely keep you and your family in my prayers. Yes, being patient is one of life’s challenges, isn’t it? But God is good and His timing perfect. that’s what I keep telling myself! haha big big big hugs to you friend xx

  48. Amen. Truly God does make beauty from ashes with all who call out on the Lord Jesus with a pure heart of faith. And you my friend are His. God is blessing you and others through you and your gifted words. Press on sister!

  49. Caralyn, I’ve been following your posts for quite some time and I gotta say to you with a genuine heart that you have a beautiful soul. Cherish it, continue to let God in it. This recent post tells me how courageous you are! The struggles you embrace make you a living saint. From a fellow Catholic, I will include you in my prayers. God bless!

    1. Hey there friend. Oh my gosh, you are seriously so kind. thank you. You’re right, I’ve got to keep inviting God into my heart every day. And thank you so much for your prayers. Know that you are also in mine 🙂 you are a blessing to me. big hugs xox

  50. Wow.

    I did not know this about you. It’s understandable, though.

    I’m a big fan of adoption. There are a lot of unwanted children out there, and a lot of children who are born to parents who can’t take care of them. I have a wonderful niece and nephew* (twins) who are adopted, yet they fit right in to our family and it has never been an issue. I know a little bit about why their bio-mom gave them up for adoption, and they certainly are a lot better off than if they had stayed with their bio-mom.

    *technically first cousins once removed, not niece and nephew, but it’s easier to say sometimes

    1. Thanks so much Pi 🙂 You’re so generous with your encouragement. it means seriously, so much. I agree – adoption is such a beautiful thing, and I look forward to doing that one day, if it by His will! And thanks for sharing that about your niece and nephew. What an awesome thing. thanks for stopping by. have a great weekend. big hugs xx

  51. Miss Caralyn,

    You are brave to tell that statement you have with motherhood. And I agree with you, bearing a child is indeed one a character only a female could possess, and it shouldn’t be suppressed. No, not at all. I am pro-life too, and at some point, I’ve declared to myself that I am a feminist. Like Emma Watson, Emily Ratajkowski, Maya Angelou and alot more. But feminism is real confusing. The topic you had was really controversial, and I’d like to commend you for your bravery to stand up with your point. Wow. You’re easily becoming an icon for me. Keep on keeping Miss Caralyn, Ill pray for you. Hope to meet you someday. God bless!

    Tessa Jane Palmiano

    1. Thank you so much Tessa. Gosh, what a kind thing to say. I am so touched by your words. You’re right, there are so many different aspects of feminism. It can be confusing! hahah oh gosh, you’re funny. Thank you for your prayers and support. I would love to grab a coffee one day if you’re ever in NYC! 🙂 Thanks again for your kindness. big hugs xox

  52. I think it’s really great you’ve responded to your previous post on feminism, particularly on the topic above. I was one of the people who commented on the motherhood aspect, although I very much hope I wasn’t one of the people who was nasty at all about it.

    Having explained it as you have, I feel I understand much better where you are coming from. So thank you for this.

    It’s probably worth bearing in mind that as a rule of thumb, people’s reactions to controversial issues generally say more about them than about the person they are responding to.

    For example, I wrote how I’ve never felt maternal or wanted children. I hope my response didn’t come across too negatively, but my response came from years of negative responses from others for not wanting children, and so this is a sore spot for me. I have even had a family member say that God gave us these bodies therefore basically it is one of our purposes on earth to bear children, as women. She said I would change my mind one day, when I met the right guy. I am in my 30s and feel no different. It was very hurtful and upsetting. So my reaction to your post came with a lot of my own baggage. Others posts would have too.

    It was very brave of you to share your story of how your anorexia has affected you, in terms of your fertility. I too am in recovery from anorexia but I also suffer from the incurable autoimmune disease system lupus (SLE). For me it was my diagnosis at 21 that finally triggered the full blown anorexia.

    So thank you again for your continued courage and openess. I am sure you will find a way of honouring those loving maternal feelings you have; you clearly have a fighting spirit, so I don’t doubt you will find a way.

    Take care of yourself, Natalie

    1. Hi Natalie, thank you so much for this thoughtful response. No no not at all! I loved our dialogue on that post! And honestly, I love hearing people’s journeys and insights and perspectives. Gosh, I’m so sorry that our stories relate on so many levels. I will definitely keep you in my thoughts and prayers. those AI diseases are no joke. Thanks again for sharing your heart. you are a blessing to me 🙂 big big hugs xox

  53. I really admire you for being so brave and so honest on this truth of your personal life, your personal struggle and personal disappointment. I thank you for your genuine hope and a very strong faith on how powerful God is and on what He can do amazingly in your personal battle. Please do not lose hope and keep your light shine. Thanks for inspiring a woman like me.

    1. Hi Jirah, thanks so much for your kind words. I think you’re absolutely right: God has a plan for all of us. one that is good and so I will cling to that hope. And i also believe in miracles 🙂 Thanks for stopping by and for encouraging me so well! hugs xox

  54. I tried to understand ED through you. Rather than read everything. I’m sorry. Before my divorce, I put my kids to bed. Every night for like five years. You can’t put that, in a divorce decree. I feel that hole maybe it’s um, similar to what you feel. I hope you find someone NY is big, maybe they’re stuck in Buffalo. It’s easy to get stuck there.

    1. Hey Kenzie, oh that breaks my heart to hear that you can relate so personally. I’m sorry about that. I’m sure that that time is also a missing hole in their hearts too. Maybe. Yeah, Buffalo…could be 🙂 thanks for sharing that. sending lots and lots of love xox

      1. You did, bring your purpose to Feminism. Maybe, the fuss is over projected meaning from media. Protests use extremes as much as conservatives use extremes an example is Trump’s plan to annihilate all Muslims. That’s a billion people, a little extreme and goes against the religious freedom granted by our Constitution. A conservative left protest is the million woman March. It looked great on television but needed more meaning to be effective long term. I grew up with my native tribe’s stories of persecution and near genocide by the emerging American government. That should put me far far left but, I had to assimilate because there was no other way. The path of the Indian was removed to make way for strip malls and, progress. To choose a side always leaves someone out. Progress is creating something that can benefit everyone. Our current way of progress is not like this.

      2. To choose a side always leaves someone out…wow. when you put it that way, it really hits hard. gosh, lots to think about. thank you for sharing this. makes you look at shopping malls differently too … hugs xox

  55. Well done on writing so honestly and openly. I think you’ve responded well to two challenges. The first is when we as humans want a different agenda and different priorities to God’s. We see things that God values as of less value. N.b there are a lot of things men see as the marks of success that are not too. The other is to reject the good of something when it isn’t immediately available to us. That God puts marriage and then children at the heart of the creation blessing is hard when either of those don’t seem possible to me personally but when we see Gods plan for all of us as his children to be included in his blessing with the church as his bride then there is hope.

    1. Thanks Dave. That’s kind of you to say. You’re so right, His blessings are poured out to us, and sometimes we don’t recognize them because they may not look like the cookie cutter version of what we think they should be. But His plans are always good. thanks for sharing that awesome perspective. big hugs xx

  56. Also meant to mention a book tip “The Essence of Feminism by Kirsten Birkett. Hope it’s available in the US but great evaluation from an Evangelical former feminist

  57. Thanks for being brave and sharing this. You are so true… Motherhood takes on many forms. I am an adoptive mother and also have special friends who are like second moms to my children and they are better because of them. Love and prayers to you!!

    1. Thanks Tammy. I appreciate you sharing that. I think that is so beautiful how you’ve welcomed children into your home. You’re so right – it takes many forms indeed. thanks for the prayers and encouragement. big hugs xox

  58. My heart just cried for your pain. And for another young woman I know who walked in shoes similar to yours. I did not know this aspect of the disease. I do know my cousin, who also battled this, has two boys from her body, so yes..there is hope. And miracles. Blessings.

    1. Oh Kris, thank you so much my friend. Oh wow thank you for sharing that. Yes. Here is hope. And I 100% believe in miracles and that God is capable of working one for me. Thanks again for the encouragement. Hugs and love xox

  59. I’ve just been over to your Feminism post to see what the fuss is about.

    Wow, 536 replies! How do you find the time to read them all? But I guess with so many folk reading your blog, you are bound to get those who either oppose your views or misunderstand what you are trying to say.

    Sorry to hear about the infertility issue – did you lose your hair aswell?

    Yes you are right that there are several options available to you including divine healing and I’m sure your future husband will be the perfect one to understand what you are going through, then you can have the joy, yes joy of making that decision together.

    Oh Caralyn, I do really hope that he’s one of your regular followers so that you will have less explaining to do when you finally meet him. I am sure he probably is out there, silently reading your posts and praying for the right time to introduce himself. You are very beautiful and I’m sure your lovely face must have attracted a suitable suitor by now…God has a funny way of planning stuff like that when we are totally unaware of what he’s up to! 😉

    1. Thank you so much Sharon. You’re so kind to encourage me like that! Gosh, that gives me so much hope (and a bit of a stomach ache!!) to think of my future husband reading my posts! Haha but God works in amazing and mysterious ways! And thanks. Yes I did lose my hair as well. So grateful that it grew back in with gusto! Haha Hugs and love xox

  60. So sorry you’re going through this… I know what it’s like, and it’s too complex for me to go into on the comments thread here… but I feel I understand…

  61. You are a light in a world that is becoming darker. Baring your soul may attract pain but you lift this old man’s spirit, although the post on your father at once shamed me and lifted me. Thank you Caralyn.

  62. I clicked ‘like’ not because I like the content/news in this post, exactly, but because I like the heart that wrote it. You’re a brave woman, and teaching us how to mourn is itself a gift.

  63. It can’t be denied that being able to bring forth life, is an integral part of the female experience, but I’m not sure if a biological connection is everything? Fortunately unconditional love has the capacity to move beyond even the biological and based on your experience it makes perfect sense that you value the ultimate gift known as “life”

    Thank you for being bold enough to share such a personal story because for every person that may be “offended” by your words,equally there are people who are “inspired” by your truth.

    1. Thank you so much Tyrone. I really appreciate that. I do believe that love knows no boundaries, that’s for sure:) thanks for stopping by and for your encouragement. Hugs and love xox

  64. Beautifully and honestly written! It also reminds me that I need to realize that people may not be saying or writing things to offend me but as a result of very real hurt and loss.

    1. Thanks so much Mike. You’re so kind to say that. you’re right, i think every person’s actions and words are a reflection of their experiences, which shape their beliefs. thanks for stopping by! hugs xo

  65. You are one of the people who give me great joy to be living right now. My first response was to have been “Oh crap Caralyn!” And then I realised that was my response – not yours. You cause me to pause and consider what lies beneath in each of us. And that is a rare gift. I am grandparent to an adopted wee lad. Biology is reproduction – and not to be dismissed. But nor should love and life. As you write so beautifully.
    So forgive me an “Oh crap” on your behalf. Even if only makes just me feel a bit better. ((hugs))

    1. Hi friend 🙂 Oh my gosh, you are just so kind. thank you 🙂 wow. I am sincerely humbled and touched by the generosity in your words. You’re right – love and life should not be dismissed. I think adoption is a beautiful expression of that love, and gift of life. I love this powerful perspective. thanks again for sharing it with me. big hugs xox

  66. I have just started in the blog world and in doing so stumbled into your site. I am slowly getting caught up on your life. I love this post AND the post on feminism. If there is one subject that makes me want to break my no-political talk rule, it is that one… Yes, somehow feminism has become political. (I agree with so much of your stance.)
    I also agree that God has a way of providing… He will make sure your heart is full (if you let him).

    1. Hi Amanda, welcome to the wonderful world of blogging! haha, yeah, i usually have a no-political talk rule too ,but i just couldn’t resist. Thanks for this thoughtful reply! big hugs xo

  67. There is strength, courage, honor, faith, and hope in your response. Thank you for setting the bar high as a writer. The positivity of faith and strength of love came through in your words.

    While bearing children is a uniquely female calling and contribution to life and the Kingdom of God, the female role and contribution is rich and deep beyond even child-bearing. It takes both female and male to completely bear the image of our God; the richness and fullness of that image is found in the expression of both. There is divine strength, wisdom, beauty, tenderness, power, glory, and so much more that is uniquely the female aspect of the image. Indeed, women are the crown of creation, and yes, motherhood is the essence of womankind. And there is so much more that goes with the role and honor of giving life.

    May our God meet you in the mourning of the loss. There are strengths and gifts you have found, unique and divinely sourced, that you evidence time and again in your writing. I celebrate these when I read your posts.

    1. Thank you so much for this kind and thoughtful response. You’re right, there is so much more to being female than “just” bearing life. You’re right. 🙂 And gosh, I am so touched by your words. Thank you for your prayers and support. it means the world. massive hugs to you xox

  68. My heart was heavy reading your post. I too struggle with the pain of infertility. I maybe never be able to have a child of my own and that weighs down me. Sometimes I feel in a dark mood.

    It hurts to see women stomp all over mothers and the ability to have children like it’s nothing special. They offend me when they act like it’s no big deal. It’s a very big deal if it’s something you can’t have.

    The longing and the pain of feeling betrayed by one’s own body.

    These women don’t understand, don’t even seem to want to try to understand, the agony of infertility and how badly we wish our bodies would work. Infertility is a knife lodged in the heart, and the ache never leaves.

    Sometimes I wonder what my child would have looked like if he had been born.

    The ability to be a mother is an ability that should be cherished because not all women are so blessed to possess it.

    1. Hi Mara, oh thank you so much for sharing your heart. I’m sorry that you can relate to this so personally, and please know that my heart and prayers are with you. That’s so true. It is a gift that should be cherished. Gosh, I’m sending you the biggest hugs right now. thank you for sharing this with me. sending all my love. xoxox

  69. I find your posts so refreshing. Your honesty. Your vulnerability. I appreciate how you speak your truth without fear of backlash. Being Pro-Life does not mean you are anti-feminist. I struggle with feeling the need to defend my position every day because of my pro-life views.
    My heart goes out to you for the physical effects of your battle with anorexia. How wonderful it is that we can put our faith in God – the great Physician – and know that by His stripes, we were healed. I believe that God will give you the desires of your heart – in whatever form – especially since I like to think that motherhood is pretty high on his priority list.
    Blessings to you! 🙂

    1. Oh Haley, thank you so much. What a kind note. I really appreciate your encouragement. Thanks for that – you’re right, we really can put our faith in Him. and the great Physician! I love that name for Him! so hopeful! thanks for stopping by! big hugs xox

  70. Thanks for the super honest post! I hope your body can still be healed, and whether or not this happens, I hope motherhood happens for you.
    I remember all the crazy backlash Joss Whedon faced because Black Widow mourned her infertility in Age of Ultron. It was astonishing how vicious some of the attacks were for many reasons, but the primary one was simply the biological reality: only women can birth babies.
    I cannot, for the life of me, understand why people downplay this incredible reality.

    1. Thanks Lee, I really appreciate that. I hope so too. And you’re right, motherhood, when you really think about it, is pretty miraculous. and awesome! thanks for the encouragement. big hugs xox

  71. Thank you for sharing. A couple thoughts: First, so long as you are presenting your position in a respectful manner, coming from a place of authenticity, and devoid of spite for those who disagree, no one should feel entitled to demean you. In the current divisive, highly polarized environment in which we’re living, I’ve found that when we’re able to engage in rational, measured, authentic dialogue with those “across the aisle” from us, we almost always find more points of agreement than of disagreement. To quote Kurt Vonnegut: “Please — a little less love, and a little more common decency.”

    Second, and related to the first point, I would point out that many, if not all, issues which appear binary are actually not. A coin does *not* have two sides. It has three. When flipping a coin there is a non-zero probability that it will land on its third side — its edge. We forget about the edges when we’re dealing with coins. Until someone’s coin becomes a cylinder. And then a rod, so that there’s only a tiny probability of it landing on one of its ends. What you have done here is remind us that, like us, you have an edge, and that it bears acknowledgement.

    1. Hi John, thank you so much for this thoughtful reply. This offered some really great food for though. you’re right, i think if we look hard enough, we will find common ground, even in the most divisive of issues, and therein lies the ope 🙂 And I love that image of the edge of a coin! i love that! Here’s to the edge!! 🙂 thanks again. big hugs xo

  72. Thanks for your bravery, your honesty, and for being real. And since I know that your anorexia was a symptom of a greater trauma (Though I don’t know what it was) my heart goes out to you even more. I hope you have been able to share that with people who have the wisdom to truly help. God’s richest and best to you!!

  73. How beautiful. My heart knows that God has incredible, amazing, and overwhelming future in store for you. Be encouraged, what lies ahead of you is far better than what is behind – the best is coming. The sun is rising – and it’s beautiful.

    1. Wow, Lea. This is so uplifting and encouraging. thank you so much. it absolutely touches my heart. Yes – the sun is rising. God is good. And i will trust in Him. Thanks again. big hugs xox

  74. Oh, I wish I could just give you a big hug! The fact that you were so willing to share this on an incredibly large platform is inspiring to me. I’m so glad that you are clinging onto the truth that God is still good even though He isn’t going to allow you to experience the gift of conceiving and birthing a child. God does allow other ways to be a mother, and I’m soooo glad you recognize that. 🙂

  75. You are courageous. In the face of backlash, to not step aside from your convictions is brave. To not retaliate is strength. Keep your head held high, and may God shine his countenance upon you always.

  76. This was a great post with some eye opening perspectives on the effects of anorexia. Thank you for sharing what was probably not your first impulse to share.
    Good luck in your journey for motherhood, in any form. That’s also a great sentiment! You go girl! I agree with your paragraph on feminism. We want to be equal but what does that really mean? We can’t really ever be equal in the sense your comparing apples to oranges. We have to know what we’re asking for in equality.
    Great post!!

    1. thank you so much!! I really appreciate the encouragement. I agree – i think it all comes down to love and respect for every person. thanks for taking the time to read and respond! big hugs to you xox

  77. I think one of the hardest (and most frustrating) things about being a writer is: interpretation. You can pour everything you’ve got into what you write, but sometimes people take what you’ve written and turn it around to mean something else. Either way, I’m glad you found the courage to share something so painful. The fact that you allow yourself to be transparent and write the pieces you do is inspiring. I am tearful with a heavy heart for you, but I also have lots of joy as well. You are an amazing woman of faith and I pray God continues to use you to uplift and encourage others through the pain. There are so many woman that can relate to this–I plan to feature this piece in my church’s newsletter today. 🙂 Love you sis, take care and God bless.

    1. That’s so true! in writing, everything is subjective and open to interpretation. Thanks so much for your encouraging words and prayers. I really appreciate that. And wow! I am so honored that you would share this with your church! my gosh, I am so touched 🙂 thanks again! big hugs to you xox

  78. Hi, I am truly sorry to hear that you have gone through such a difficult journey with your body, your soul, your mind and motherhood. I cannot imagine what that journey has been like. I still have my concerns when we take a personal experience and then apply it to women as a whole. I am still concerned that “feminine power” is an essentialized understanding of what a woman is. I am still concerned that this understanding of what a woman is limits our appreciation of the diversity of female (or rather, HUMAN) experience. Having said all that, I truly hope that you do not take this comment as a criticism of you personally. I often find that conversing with opposite opinions is the best way to learn and articulate our own positions. I have learned a lot from your blog and I am a happy subscriber who loves reading your content and learning from your perspective. I hope you learn from my perspective as well! Sending lots of love to you!

    1. Thank you so much for sharing your heart. I really appreciate it, and I also really appreciate how eloquently and respectfully you express yourself! which i know is kinda weird to say, but I fully agree with you, that having an open and respectful dialogue is the best way to learn and foster understanding! So I love it too!! 🙂 And thanks for your kind words about my blog, too. I hope that you’re having a great afternoon. seeing big hugs xo

  79. Caralyn,

    I just want to pick you up and hug you, and wish you were my darling daughter’s sister (which you are and how wonderful that Jesus’ blood relates us, but that one day, also because of that, He will wipe away all of the tears and the pain). And don’t we look forward to that and say, ‘Come quickly!’?

    I can’t believe how brave you’ve been, and what an enormous example you are to all the rest of us who are struggling back out of darkness, saved by God’s incredible love; beauty for ashes, a garland of flowers instead of the ashes of despair. You’ve done us all proud, and set the bar where it should be. Every act, every word, you are storing up treasure for yourself that no moth or rust can steal or destroy. You cannot even imagine what blessing you are already reaping, and what more will unfold by the stands you are taking for His sake, for His truth, for the sake of His love. Don’t ever think that you’ll fail to receive many times over, what you’ve given God, and given up for Christ’s sake. I’m so hugely proud for your parents! And Future Hub should about burst with pride too!

    That said, Jesus does say in Matthew 10:34 that He didn’t come to bring peace, but a sword, and we can’t escape the fact that the clearer we are about God, His world, life and who we are, we will come into conflict with the spirit of this world and its worldview. That’s ok. It’s been promised. You’ll face the same thing with your book. So does that mean you won’t write it? Of course not! But certainly some reviews and comments will bring you pain because every word of truth from the mouth of God will strike at the heart of the Lie, and because we are in a real battle against powers and principalities, there will be reactions. You can lessen the pain of these fiery arrows, as Paul puts it, when you learn to use the shield of faith, as He puts it in Ephesians, and what that means, I’m sure God can reveal to you.

    Those of us who know your spirit, know where you’re coming from, and will be willing to listen even if we don’t agree. Stand your ground, lass. As Polonius says to Laertes in Hamlet, ‘ And above all else, my son, to thine own self be true, and it shall follow as the night the day. Thou canst not be false to any man.’

    Nothing is unnoticed by God.

    Much love to you and yours,
    Indi

    1. Wow, Indi. I am so incredibly touched by this beautiful comment. thank you so much. I feel your hugs through your words and am returning one right back to you. You’re so right – standing up for God does create conflict, but you’re right – we’ve been given faith as a shield. we’ve got to put on the Armor of God. That’s such a powerful verse in Ephesians. I love it so much, because it really is a battle out there, whether we like to admit it or not. Thanks again for being such a great friend. You are so generous with your kindness. it really means a lot and fills my heart with so much joy and hope 🙂 sending big big hugs xox

  80. Caralyn, this post has been sitting and turning in my mind, and obviously so, if you see my current flower post. You are so sensitive and such a thoughtful (as in both Giving and Thinking) person that it is no wonder you think, communicate, and care – about others. I am in awe of your ability to share as I am both more circumspect and anonymous. Try to let the criticism slide off as raindrops, and cross bridges when you get there. Easier said than done, I know. I feel as though I am often using little miracles from my own life as examples and that gets so wordy (and probably tedious), but rest assured the Lord has plans, and everBody may tell you this & that – but God gets the final say and often switches directions on our way : ) Peace! ~ Peri

    1. Let it slide off like raindrops. Oh, Peri, I love that so much. Thank you so much for this beautiful encouragement. I am so touched by your kindness. You’re so right – God gets the final say. amen to that. thanks for stopping by! big hugs xo

  81. Caralyn, your life story should be a book … or screenplay. Great cinema and stage productions begin with a compelling story. You could even play yourself in the movie. Is this where God is leading you?

  82. Hello my lovely
    This will be my first comment since my heart surgery – I’m sorry it has been so long. I wanted to thank you for your courage and bravery. I agree with you about woman’s unique gift of carrying life. And, although different, I understand your mourning, your loss (here is a bit of my story in this area – you may have read it already https://wholeheartedrants.wordpress.com/2016/08/03/remembering-my-lost-children/

    I didn’t for one second think that you were saying that only women who have children are feminine, and I’m so sorry that some people misunderstood you.

    I want to encourage you that there is hope in all circumstances. And to let you know, as a 45 year old woman unable to have children, that life is still wonderful in all its ways. There are so many ways to use your maternal giftings, all of them beautiful. Now I’m going to say something controversial. Our identity as women is found in God – who created us in his image, male and female. Our femininity comes from God as an amazing gift to treasure.

    Keep on doing what you do best – being honest and raw and true to yourself.

    Sending you loads of love xx

    1. Hi Lucy, oh my gosh, heart surgery! I’m so glad you’re doing better! i will definitely keep you in my thoughts and prayers. Thank you for sharing that with me. i’m so sorry that you can so personally relate to this post. but you’re absolutely true – there is hope in all circumstances. i love that so much. and i am totally with you on that : our identity is found in Him. That’s the best place to put it! thanks for stopping by! big hugs to you xox

  83. Thank you for sharing such a personal part of who you are – I know that it must have been difficult to type those words and have the courage to press Publish. You have tackled an unbelievably complex issue with compassion, understanding and non-judgement – a very difficult feat!
    Sometimes, people forget that this it is not simply a left or right issue. I hear your words and it doesn’t matter whether or not I personally agree with them because the important part is that your honesty allowed me to pause and listen. I have so much respect for you and your journey. Too often, people don’t listen and forget that others do not share their same experiences, hardships and relationships. When we stop and listen to others, we receive eye-opening insight.
    Thank you for having the courage and the compassion to share your story <3

    1. wow, thank you so much for such a kind response. You’re right, I was super nervous to press publish, but i am so grateful for the kindness that i have received in return. so thank you for that! you’re right – this is definitely an issue with a lot of gray area, and i respect the fact the people have different views. And I sincerely appreciate a healthy and respectful dialogue about it, because i think it fosters mutual respect and understanding when we can all bring our different views/perspectives/experiences/beliefs to the table and have a productive dialogue about it! 🙂 I think you’re right – listening is an art form and i wish the world would do a lot more of it 🙂 thanks again for stopping by and for your encouragement! i hope you have a great day! hugs xox

  84. You deserve a hug. I’m sorry if at any time I spoke out of turn. I don’t think I can walk that mile in your shoes. This is a hard post to digest. I guess I will call you friend after all, even if only nominally, for this post.

    1. Hi Dan, thank you so much 🙂 No, not at all! I really enjoy our back and forth! I always come away from our interactions having learned something and with a new perspective. thanks for the kind words. big hugs xo

      1. You leave me an opening. If I were wise, I would take advantage. I, too, enjoy the grande opposition of our opinions, you and me. I would be hard-pressed to find an individual so diametrically opposed to my views as you. When I first read writings of yours, I turned away quickly (it all seemed frivolous), but your persistence to read and/or like (with the like button, that is) certain writings mine caught my attention. I started to look for patterns in the “likes” (probably all wrong what I concluded), and I went back for another nibble. Studied your writings from the beginning. There I found some good dirt about the grossness of anorexia, and I was hooked. Entertainment needs to be a little repulsive to get us hooked. And yours was. But then, you kept on about Jesus Jesus Jesus, and with everything I said, your answer was Jesus, so I thought maybe this interaction had hit its dead end. (The idea of having a man on a cross, just ’cause He loves ya so much is repulsive to me. Seems a little morbid, that you would want that for him, ya know.) You are so conservative in your viewpoints of a Christ, a family and marriage image, and POWER of your God to heal. I guess I was driven mostly by curiosity.

        This last post yours about the bearing or not bearing of children was impressive, mostly to me, again, for the diametric opposition to what I knew. The gal I married had had her period by the time she was 9. And when I couldn’t get her a baby quick enough, mostly every conversation that was ever begun would quickly turn to, “Give me a baby! I want a baby NOW!” Well, not in that exact language, but I’m sure a person reading might understand. That was a hard pill to swallow. She got checked out through insurance from her work in as many tests as she could find to PROVE that SHE IS FERTILE! And, obviously, all fault my own.the lack of a baby. ‘Course, I never wanted to be checked. I’m a man, after all. People only go to hospitals and such places to die. When you’re ready to die, okay, go ahead and go. And she would revel in more and more exams and all the pain it caused her to things shoved in and taken out and so on and so forth, to prove that all fault was my own. And I learned (we are intelligent creatures aren’t we?) I learned to detest women and family and marriage…and life. Well, not all thanks to her. Going to her seemed a great solution to all things missing in life at the time, but then again, life only continues to be what it is. Constant and continuous.

        In this post of yours, I guess I sympathized that all of your situation, you would not have quite the same opportunity as the girl I married to scream the way she does, and be that particular “squeaky wheel.”

        So glad you love our disagreements and opposite views. As I said, it is nice just because of your totally conservative views, whereas I would much rather be a warrior, like Iriquois or Nez Pearce or Siox, or Navajo. Maybe like Geronimo. Maybe even like unto Inca or Aztec. I believe a people should be a tribe, not a FAMILY and FIGHT FOR THEIR FREEDOMS. Not be totally abused by doctors and judges and lawyers and cops on the charge of “society”, but a society framed by walled families that don’t even look at their neighbors for tunnel vision of their own selfish ends. Take away the papers. Take away the numbers. The paper pushers. The bureaucrats. The documents to go place to place. I, too, have had to bribe my way across a border, just being a meaningless, stupid paper was not signed. Our society is messed up because if certain paperwork is not done, the people are NOT ALLOWED to be helped. That goes both by state and religion. I have seen.

        To me, marriage is for lunaticks. Paperwork is all dumb and meant to enslave man. Turn us into nothing more than cattle to be pushed from place to place with no more freedoms of our own, anymore, of any kind. To be jailed and hospitalized over and over again, for the simple being that one does not conform to certain uppers’ way of thinking. Turn us all into the cogs of society machinery clockwork, and each that doesn’t fit gets bashed as I was, again and again, and told, as I was, many things not necessary here to relate, but how I am worthless and no good to society and of no value for anyone. In many ways that was said over time. But I know my own worth. I don’t need someone to tell it to me. Not even a God. I am worth more than gold, and I know that, too. I don’t accept others’ abject opinions of me as fact. I accept nothing as fact, but what I can prove myself.

        I would say to people at times, ask the question, that is, “If you could be anything, and you didn’t have to be human, what would you be?” I tell them, I would be a virus attacking every mitochondria of every cell of mine enemies’ bodies. I would leave them as dead batteries.

  85. This world can be such a cruel place to be, and people in turn can take on that cruelty. I’m sorry it was pointed toward your heart. It takes courage and vulnerability every time we put our fingers to the keyboard to type our honest story. Thank you for sharing your story and your heart.

    1. Thanks friend. i really appreciate it. yeah, I’ve got to just be ready for all sorts of comments if I’m going to put my heart out on the internet! hah thanks for stopping by! big hugs xox

  86. Oh this is so brave and so amazing!!! Bless your heart for sharing this. Makes me nod and say yes!!!! We must never conclude for others!!! And so like you I do believe in the God of the impossible, let his will be done. Trust God, have faith that’s mainly our responsibility. Thanks again for inspiring me today

  87. Thank you, Caralyn, for sharing something so deeply personal with us. With me you are not a brash feminist but a child of God with a very loving, very caring heart. I take your words to be heartfelt jewels of wisdom and experience. I’m sorry for all the bashing you received over an innocent assessment of women and life. Please continue in the vein of thoughts and emotions that you have shared. We will always be here — eager to hear what you have to say and eager to share in this experience of life. May God Bless You Richly and please also know that I am praying for your mother’s healing.

    1. Hi Eric, thank you so much for this kind response. Gosh, I feel unworthy of such affirming words. You are a blessing to me. Thank you for your continued prayers, and know that you are in mine too:) Hugs and love xox

  88. Thank You for sharing some of the highs and lows of your life’s story with us. Thank You for being so gracious in your articles, and especially in your comments to those who have expressed deep disagreement with your perspective on life.

    In December, my wife and I will celebrate 30 years of marriage. We too have been unable to bear children (to full term); we have 4 children in Heaven. My heart aches for you (just as many of your readers do, as expressed by them in their comments), but I am also elated that you too have received the peace that God provides to those who seek Him.

    I love the paragraph where you wrote, “There are other forms of motherhood…”. Perhaps each of the topics that followed that phrase would be food-for-thought for your future writing. There are so many children that would benefit from an additional father- or mother-figure in their lives, whether or not they have biological parents that are present and engaged with them. There are also many adults who would benefit from a father or mother in the faith, just as the apostle Paul was a father in the faith to Timothy.

    Lord Bless You, Sis!

    1. Hi David, thank you so much for this thoughtful response. I really appreciate your caring words. And I’m sorry that you and your wife can relate to this on such a personal level. Gosh, I can only imagine the difficulties of that journey. You’ve got a family reunion waiting for you in heaven 🙂 that’s very true – motherhood and fatherhood comes in all different forms, each just as meaningful and important as the other. Hugs and love xox

  89. Beautifully expressed. My kindest wishes and prayers to you. In my heart, I feel I could never seek an abortion. I have had three healthy children and know how fortunate I’ve been. What I will not do, is take away a woman’s choice to have an abortion. God blessed us with free will, and whether or not I believe life begins at conception, is not my place to dictate to others. It is up to the woman and God.

    1. Thank you so much for your prayers and kindness. I really appreciate you sharing your heart and your perspective. I sincerely enjoy hearing everyone’s different opinions and thoughts. It creates a really fruitful dialogue. So glad you stopped by. Hugs and love xox

  90. One more time, dear Caralyn, I am blessed by your heart, and your willingness to be real. Thank you. I am a mother by adoption and by remarriage. I am also a spiritual mother to many, in a sense. In each of these roles I am truly blessed, and as you stated, am no less a mother in God’s eyes because I never bore children. But like you, for most of my adult life I longed to be able to bear a child, and knew God could perform miracles. At my age now, I wouldn’t wish for this gift, but am very grateful for the mothering God has given me to do. Such a reward! God bless you dear lady. He knows the desires of your heart.

    1. Oh gosh, you are so kind to say that. Thank you so much. Wow, what a beautiful journey you’ve had and youre right, your role as a mother is in no way less than or less of. I am so inspired by your story. Thank you for sharing it. You are a blessing to me 🙂 Hugs and love xox

  91. I’m sorry that you felt beat up by the people commenting on your feminism post. I agree with you – we have definitely made “feminism” more about trying to be more like men than celebrating the joy of being female. And since we are the gender that can bring forth life, what a wonderful thing to celebrate! The thing is that people get up in arms about feminism because of politics. Yes, there are differences in the world between men and women and some of those differences should be addressed, but that doesn’t mean forgetting that being female is a blessing and a wonder! I, at my much more advanced age than you, have never been able to bear children and never well. Its a very, VERY difficult thing but unless that’s a pain you’ve endured, it’s easy to get caught up in the if’s and but’s of the political arguments. Every single situation is different and we can’t regulate each situation. As Christians, all we can do is provide mercy and love for those who needed, not judge when the situation is something we don’t understand or agree with, and know that in the end, God is in control and He’s got this all figured out. I pray for you, my beautiful sister in Christ, that God will bless you with your hearts desire in ways you may never have imagined.

    1. Thank you so much for your kind words and support. it really means a lot. you’re right! we should celebrate it! A blessing and a wonder indeed 🙂 Im’ sorry that you can relate to this on such a personal level. And you’re right – we are called to love those who need it. God’s got it all in His hands. thanks for the kindness. big hugs xo

  92. I applaud your bravery in publishing your commentary on feminism. I also have had similar thoughts and have not had the strength to publically announce them, even though I am a mother of 3 girls, (one daughter passed from congenital heart disease.) I resisted from stating my believes because I did anticipate strong backlash, and its hard to believe that such a gift can arouse such resentment from other women. I sympathize with you that your attempt to bestow honor onto women was met with unkindness and complacency for the gifts women have. And I hope for you that your earnest heart can someday provide you with that cherish gift of motherhood, but also remember so long as we strive to emulate our Blessed Mother Mary, we are all mothers in Christ.

    1. Hi there friend, oh my gosh, I am so sorry for your loss. THat just absolutely breaks my heart. May she be resting in the tender and loving arms of Jesus. It always gives me comfort to know that we will be reunited with our loved ones in Heaven one day. I know that doesn’t make things hurt any less now, but gosh, my heart just goes out to you. Thank you for your kind words and encouragement. you are a blessing to me. big hugs xo

  93. What a touching post. I’m so sorry that some people can’t or won’t see the truth of what you say. As a mother of several, and now a grandma, I know for a fact that what you said was true. Having babies is what we were made for as women. It’s an undeniable fact of biology. That’s not slamming women who don’t want it, it’s just the honest truth. God bless you; I know He has mothering plans for your future, just as He did for Hannah in the Bible.

    1. Thanks so much Claire. You’re so kind to say that. You’re right-it’s just the truth! It’s biology! Thanks again for your encouragement. Means the world 🙂 Hugs and love xox

  94. As you know… ALL things are possible with God and Sarah and Elisabeth, had gone through menopause and many other stories of women who could not conceive, conceiving through the promises of God and sharing your life and your heartaches will help so many others and help them heal and have courage to fight and He will Bless that and I know, as you said, one way or other He will Bless you, when the time it right. Because a beautiful broken heart is what God loves to bless most.

  95. I ask myself a question: would I marry a woman who cannot give a birth? Yes, of course, because I am a Christian. For God marriage is a symbol of acceptance of humankind and God-Father. That is why marriage is holy. Natural wish to have own kids can be replaced with adoption of a child who was less fortunate than others. All for good 🙂

    1. Oh my gosh this brought a tear to my eye. Thank you so much. That is what I fear the most. And you just spoke into that part of my soul and affirmed it. So thank you so Much. The world needs more men like you!! Hugs and love xox

  96. You seem like a very STRONG and BEAUTIFUL person!! Though I do feel that it is a womans body and she should have the right to abort ONLY if raped (that is my opinion) I do respect you and applaud you in sharing your story. I hope you know that not all women like me who are Pro-Choice are out to judge women such as yourself. We are all stronger united even amid our differences! Peace and Bliss to you always!

    1. Oh Sara, thank you so much! I really appreciate your kind words and support. I totally agree – when we have a respectful and honest dialogue, we can seek understanding. If all comes down to love and respect 🙂 so glad you stopped by. Hugs and love xox

  97. Kudos to you for wanting to be a mother. One that is lacking among women nowadays. Rather it is viewed as a burden instead of a blessing. Don’t worry God always work in mysterious unexpected ways.

  98. Reblogged this on The First Gleam of Dawn and commented:
    I’m thankful for this incredible woman sharing her journey and her faith.

    Excerpt from post: “And I know that that yearning and loss my heart has wrestled with, has added to the depth and character of my own feminine qualities. It has given me a perspective that I bring to each and every encounter I have. It is a “bag” – or a jewel, rather – that I carry with me on my journey.”

  99. Thank you for this, BBB. Thank you for your vulnerability in sharing so deep an issue. Thank you for the personal witness of your struggle and the long term effects it is having! Our actions have consequences – but our God is above it all. With God, nothing is impossible. And nothing we can ever do diminishes us in any way in the eyes of our Heavenly Father. As it has been pointed out – Beautiful growth happens in the valley; the mountain top, where we worship and praise our God, is barren! Romans 8:28 seems at times to be overused – but it is a reality of our Almighty, Eternal, Sovereign God – and one you will personally experience. Your confession of that deep seated hurt will now flower through all aspects of your life. “let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven.”
    I have reblogged your post. I pray many others will, as well!

    1. Gosh, thank you so much for your kind words and prayers. it truly means so much. I love that – our God *is* above it all, and He can and will do the impossible. I am holding fast to that hope. Thank you for sharing my blog too. You are a blessing to me. big hugs xox

  100. Bless you for this post, Caralyn! I have been struggling with infertility since fall of 2013. We think we figured out the reason why last year (brain tumor), but we’re hoping to start trying again soon and that the Lord will bless us.
    I loved your feminism post. And I myself have mourned my infertility because it really does make you feel like less than a woman. Especially when you’re doing everything the doctor told you to do, being intimate with your husband at exactly the right times…only to wind up with nothing. I remember lamenting in my personal journal that how was I supposed to feel like a woman when I couldn’t do the basic thing a woman’s body, and only a woman’s body was specifically designed to do? Now, of course it’s a woman’s choice of whether or not she decides to pursue motherhood, but for those who do and can’t…it’s really heartbreaking. 💔

    1. Hi friend, thank you so much for sharing your story. I am so sorry that you can relate on such a personal level. and oh my gosh, i am so sorry that you had to walk that road. Yes! Cling to that hope, because the Lord does work miracles and likes to bless His children. Those feelings definitely resonate in my heart. I just have to remember that my womanhood is fulfilled in Christ. I know that sounds so cheesy, but I am not less of a woman because of this challenge…or ANY challenge. I am fully woman because that worth and identity comes from Jesus and with His stamp of approval. Anyway, i hope i didn’t go too far there, but i just can empathize with those feelings of despair. hang in there my friend. know that you are in my thoughts and prayers. big hugs xox

      1. Yes, the Lord is the worker of miracles! And He made us women, so miracles of a woman sort must be possible. Praise Him! 😊🙏🏻❤

  101. I believe there were women in the bible who too were infertile, but God answered their prayers by allowing them to conceive. I believe Jacob’s infertile wife Rachel bore 2 sons, Joseph and Benjamin, Hannah bore Samuel, and Elizabeth bore John the Baptist. May God answer your prayers. Pray for me as well.

    1. This gives me such hope. thank you so much. You’re right! i definitely believe that God can and will do miracles 🙂 Thank you for your prayers. you are in mine as well 🙂 big hugs xox

  102. This is powerful stuff, such heartfelt words, written with such courage! You are amazing for sharing your story and your beliefs. Thank you so much for this post!<3

  103. The world is full of opinions and opinions are formed in various ways. To me it’s the opinions from experience that I hold in the highest regard and young lady, you’ve had your share of life’ experience. Even with all the pain you have suffered, you have been able to endure and excel. You have been fortunate to have the love and compassion of family to help you persevere.

    It took me a couple of decades more than you to figure it all out. I didn’t have the love and support of my large family to help. I have spent a lifetime people pleasing and allowing myself to allow the actions and opinions of others to control and define my life.

    When we put our lives and opinions out here in the “Bloggasphere” we can expect to be hit hard by those that don’t agree, remember they are only words and we can not defend ourselves to everyone and only need to worry about the words of the One.

    Your words touch many. Sharing your life experience helps many. Most of all you are a ray of light too many who need it. XXXXX

    1. Thanks so much for this encouragement. Yeah, I definitely have a lot to be grateful for. Even in trials and challenges, we can still find the good. My heart goes out to you friend. Know that you always have love and support from me 🙂 big hugs xox

  104. By sharing your perspective, your history and personal truths, you’ve once again enlightened me. Although I can recall going to school with some girls who were rail thin, who got lectures from health teachers about it not being healthy, there wasn’t much education in the public (or private schools, for that matter) about anorexia or bulemia. It was never discussed in depth and I certainly was never aware of this side-effect.

    I agree that motherhood is indeed a gift to be either cherished or boxed up and set aside. Ideally, feminism is the empowerment to make that choice–with no recriminations.

    As for infertility being a permanent thing, I had a friend who was infertile. After many unsuccessful treatment attempts, she adopted a beautiful baby boy. Several months later she was able to conceive a child of her own. It just happened.

    I don’t know your paticular case. But I do now that miracles do happen. Whatever your future may hold, you have already taken great steps in your personal evolution and enlightnment. The world needs more parents who can think logically, love unconditionally and show empathy to others like you do.

    1. Wow thank you so much for your kind and encouraging words. And wow what a beautiful story of your friend’s family. I’m so happy for her that she was able to grow her family both with adoption and biologically. That’s so incredible. Thanks for sharing that. It gives me so much hope. Hugs and love xox

  105. Thanks so much for being so brave as to share your thoughts on feminism and your personal struggles portrayed in this article. Both of them show the beautiful heart that you have. This is definitely something we need to talk about more as the lines seem to be becoming more blurry in our culture as to the uniqueness of God’s design for both man and woman. I know I don’t know you, but I wish I could give you a big hug right now as I could feel your pain through your words.

    1. Thank you friend 🙂 I am so touched by your words. You’re right – they are definitely blurring here recently. Aw, I’m grateful for that hug and am returning one to you too!

  106. Thank you for this post once again. Helping as always. 😉
    Well, I am much older, in my fourties (what a terrible aspect of my life…) and I struggle hard with the same issue, that I will never be a mother, after loosing my child while it was still a cluster of cells and never tried again after that; it was a child to me nevertheless, and people thought I did not want it and all that, I wrote about it I think, and people(the muslim doctor saying, “now you can throw it away”) hurting me so terribly about being not someone who wants this whereas it was not true… I would have appreciated this child, what problems ever there might have been, and there would have been a ton of them.. and all that happened on Christmas! It destroyed me and am kind of destroyed by it ever since and will always stay destroyed because of it. I think though, wonders do still happen, just believe in it, everything can happen. I don’t know what God made to do this or let this happen, but we will never know… he must have had his reasons.
    Now of course it is too late for me and I will have to accept it. One way or the other. I’ve thrown away all books about pregnancy, children, and parenting. It was a relief to me in the end since hope that makes no sense only hurts much more. Sad enough that this is the only story about this I can tell, I’d rather tell another one… Having been a nanny to some children I know what I’ve lost…
    I want to hug you over this… it will come to a point where you can bear all this and where you will recover from that sadness in you. Because you are strong inside.

    1. Oh friend I am sending you such a big hug. My heart absolutely breaks for you and I’m so sorry that you had to go through that pain. Gosh. Thank you for sharing it with me. I don’t pretend to know why God let’s bad things happen. I just don’t know. But I do trust that He will see you through the pain. You courage and strength is inspiring. Big hugs to you xo

  107. Caralyn, Not sure if you received my comment…let me know if you did not and I will add it back in…thanks, Michael

    From: BeautyBeyondBones To: michaelsharrington@yahoo.com Sent: Thursday, March 30, 2017 4:00 PM Subject: [New post] Seeing RED  #yiv0474678478 a:hover {color:red;}#yiv0474678478 a {text-decoration:none;color:#0088cc;}#yiv0474678478 a.yiv0474678478primaryactionlink:link, #yiv0474678478 a.yiv0474678478primaryactionlink:visited {background-color:#2585B2;color:#fff;}#yiv0474678478 a.yiv0474678478primaryactionlink:hover, #yiv0474678478 a.yiv0474678478primaryactionlink:active {background-color:#11729E;color:#fff;}#yiv0474678478 WordPress.com | beautybeyondbones posted: “*sigh* This post is going to be difficult to write.The saying goes, never judge a person until you walk a mile in their shoes…or something like that.And I’ve learned over the years that as much as I hate those cliched little nuggets, they actually” | |

    1. Hi Michael! This is the first I’ve received from you, so if you’ve sent something before this one, then I haven’t received it yet. Thanks! Hugs and love xox

      1. Okay, here it is again, it vaporized: Dear Caralyn, it said :)—

        What a courageous piece! Realize that if you are stirring up strong responses, that means your writing has true power.

        A mysterious energy happen last night..I was between dream and waking and suddenly I was doing a distant astral-healing session ‘on you’. It was Reiki, the energy of Christ Consciousness, and while I was drawn to your abdomen, suddenly the energy called me to the lower back–the back side of what is called the 2nd chakra. You might want to explore chakra-energetics. You have obviously done some beautiful inner transformation work but as you know (me too) the body sometimes lags in response anything is possible! Besides being in touch with SOUL as you are, is much more important.

        This might seem a bit mystical or esoteric but you are a real sensitive and when you feel a psychic boundary intrusion, sweep your energy field clear with your hands or some sage and say “NO!” to the energy. This will help bring more awareness. It might take some practice but it will be helpful.

        All blessings and love, Michael

      2. Thanks Michael! Sorry you had to resend that! I don’t know what happened there. But wow what an experience you had. Thank you for sharing that with me. You really spoke some kind words there. Thank you. And Thanks for that advice:) Hugs and love xox

  108. I have been blessed by your post and the response of your other readers. Not to take anymore space than needed because what I might have said has been said already ~ just that I had ulcerative colitis when I was younger, but can only attribute the healing to our Lord. So, we cannot know that He will not give you children. He is still the God of miracles, the greatest of which, you are humbled and submissive, already submitted to His hands and will for whatever and however He has planned for you as His child. You are a perfect example for our series on Contentment. We are already praying for His blessings for you and if in His will, a husband and family to serve Him.

    1. Thanks Fran. I’m so glad this hit home with you. Thank you for sharing your story. Yes! He IS the God of miracles and I am clinging to that hope. Thanks for your kindness. Hugs and love xox

  109. Thank you for being bold enough to share your heart with others. Praying for your healing sweet one. A friend of mine was told years ago she couldn’t have children due to endometriosis. She now has SEVEN children. Our God is a god of miracles. I pray that He fulfills that motherhood longing in your heart. He sees you. He cares.

  110. I am so so sorry for your situation. It was really brace to share with everyone. I’m heartbroken for you. There was a time after many years of trying that we thought we couldn’t have children either. I was determined to be a father no matter what, and would regularly tell my wife and others that we were either going to have children or get children. As in adoption. It was that important to me. We have friend and family members who have adopted children and they are just as much a blessing as biological children. In the end ivf worked for us, but the world is full of wonder and if a family is what you desire then it can happen. I really do feel for you though. A wonderful and heartfelt post. Thank you for sharing.

    1. Thank you so much R. I really appreciate your kind words, and for sharing your story. I’m so glad that you were able to have children! that’s so great! you’re right – whether adoption or biological, children are blessings and parenting takes many different forms. thanks again xox

  111. That was a great post. You will do some fantastic mothering someday. Women should be all about life as part of being created in the image of the original life giver.

  112. It takes a lot to share your views, even if many disagree. You’re brave and awesome and I always look forward to our posts. Have a beautiful Saturday!

  113. Oh, so very well spoken. Hugs and prayers for you, and you’re right, God is a God of miracles. I wouldn’t doubt his giving you one someday. I know a lady who had her tubes burned as a means of sterilization, yet she gave birth a few years later. Bless you for sharing, you may never know just who all you’ve touched with your courageous words!

    1. thank you so much Stacey. I so appreciate your prayers and kindness. amen to that — miracles can and do happen. wow, what a story. thanks again for the encouragement! hugs xox

  114. Thank you for sharing this; you are a courageous, special person. I also believe in miracles; God knows our hearts, thoughts, and minds, giving us precisely what we need, when it is most needed.
    Matthew 19:26 – But Jesus beheld them, and said unto them, With men this is impossible; but with God all things are possible.

    I pray God will bless you with a loving husband and many children, made in His image.

    Todd

  115. You are such an amazing soul 👼👼👼 I’m sorry people gave you such a hard time about your post. You write from personal experience and you express yourself so beautifully, with feeling, and I love that about you. But I also love that you gracefully accepted and digested the feedback, and took into consideration others perspectives and opinions. It must have been an amazing Blog to stir up so much interest, good on you, loving, balanced and open in your response. Love your Blogs, such a beautiful heart, such an amazing woman. You are so right in knowing the end result is, it’s all in Gods hands, and your part is to trust and have faith that he will bring your hearts desires, just leave it up to Him, Perfect time, Perfect place 🤗🤗🤗 You will make a great mum one day, when your life is ready for that stage, and however that will be. God Bless ❤️❤️❤️

    1. wow, thank you so much. you’re so kind to say that. I’m so glad you’ve been enjoying my blog! and amen to that : it’s in God’s hands. I need to remember that and trust in His perfect timing 🙂 big hugs to you xox

  116. Goddess! You are complete, you are whole, there is no fault in you. You are infinitely beautiful, beautiful, beautiful 😉 If a man loves you, he will see you in THAT light. You are perfectly imperfect.

  117. Hey BBB, I’ve been following your blog for a while now and admire many of your posts, if not always agree on content. You always bring a different point of view for me to consider, and that’s what I love most about it <3.

    I am glad you have posted this followup on your previous post. For me, that line did make me immensely sad. Our words are so powerful, beyond what we could ever dream. Knowing WHY we believe so strongly the way we do is part of explaining how we strongly believe in it. Without that perspective, the article came across so closed off to the experience of so many. The wounds were not there for us to see the grief behind your story, and the power behind those words.

    There is still much I disagree with what you posted, but that is because my experience is so far removed from yours. My struggles are vastly different, as is the way I practice and see faith. Neither views are right or wrong, life has simply given us a different perspective and a different way of fulfilling God's purpose. I hope in future in writing, you keep showing the vulnerability that brings so much depth to your writing, and a wisdom and experience that others may not be used to in their lives.

    One last point: I am pro-life but not anti-abortion. The pro-life movement is very US-centric. It does not consider the traumatic experiences of women from the third world. I still believe in feminism, but I never fully believed in the western version of it, that's all :). My ideas of feminism do not neatly fit into republican versus democrat, or even liberal versus labor here in Australia. And I think when we remove these labels, when we step away from what we THINK the other person believes, we will see that there is more that unites than divides. And we should focus on that so we can have a proper, real and meaningful conversation about the kind of world we are bringing children into.
    <3 Farah

    1. Thanks so much! I’m so glad that you enjoy it! and isn’t that the best part about dialogues – that we all bring our different thoughts and perspectives to the conversation! That breeds understanding and respect, so thank you for that! big big hugs xo

  118. hey hey

    Learn something new about you every time I read one of your posts, and this seems to be causing you some pain because of what others have responded with. However, you are doing what God loves to see out of every one of His children. And it’s something that John Piper sums up beautifully when he goes into a rant about the Prosperity Gospel, aka “health and wealth” gospel. One line speaks to me out of all of it–Piper says that God is most glorified in us when we are most satisfied in Him in the midst of loss and pain. When we are feeling that extreme amount of pain, and we tell God that He is enough in our lives, and that we trust Him through all of that, that brings us extremely close to Him in our relationship. You do you Caralyn, draw near to God and He WILL draw near to you, and don’t let others get you down. 🙂

    All my prayers,

    Tom

    1. Wow, Tom, this is an incredible response. thank you so much. First of all, I so appreciate your prayers. it really means the world. and gosh, what a powerful and true statement! Yes! I have definitely found that to be true – that He is near to the brokenhearted and suffering. truly. God is good and loves to love His kids 🙂 Thanks for stopping by and for this wonderful encouragement. you’re a blessing to me 🙂 big hugs xo

      1. You are most welcome Caralyn, keep your chin up! I’m dealing with a big struggle right now and so I kind of know what you’re feeling in regards to wanting and desiring something from God.