CORONA DIARIES: What I Learned from Losing My Hair

Corona Diaries: Quarantine Day 15. NYC.

I’ve now gotten to the point where I’ve begun self-narrating my life as though I’m in some teen TV drama on FreeForm. Cue the emo music and angsty gazing-out-the-window camera shots.

Nah – things are actually doing just fine. I’ve been talking to my friends and family nonstop on FaceTime, so although I’m quarantined alone in a 500 square ft. apartment in Greenwich Village, I don’t feel as isolated as it may seem from the outside.

Sure, securing groceries, toilet paper, and Lysol products has been challenging, but far and away, the grand consensus among my friends and I, is that the most difficult aspect of all of this is how long the days are…with no end in sight.

There’s a certain exasperation in everyone’s tone. One of weariness. One of patience wearing thin. One of arduous waiting that is rapidly growing old.

And I certainly feel it, too. I’m an extrovert, and even the simple act of working from a co-working space was something that, I didn’t realize, was so beneficial to my soul and mental wellbeing.

But thinking about it — because, really….that’s all I do these days…think and ponder and write and contemplate — I realized I have lived through a similar season before.

One where my patience – and honestly, my humility – was put to the absolute test.

And that was when I lost all of my hair, during my anorexia.

Now let me just pause here and set the scene. Growing up, I had the most thick, mind-of-its-own mane of long, flowing, curly hair. Ringlets. It was truly, beautiful. My signature look.

Eighth grade, pre-ED. That 6:40 am bus pick up came early

And during my anorexia, it all fell out.

Hair loss is one of the most emotionally devastating side effects of anorexia. You see, when you’re so dangerously depleted and malnourished as I was, the body goes into survival mode. At 78 pounds, my body was doing everything it could just to keep me alive. So it was channeling everything into my “essential functions” — my organs: heart, lungs, and brain. And as a result, hair growth, (which is made from protein) — is a function the body neglects, in an effort to simply keep the heart beating while in such catastrophic distress.

So, I went from being an 18 year old with a head full of luscious curls, to literally about 2 inches of dry, brittle peach fuzz.

It was the most humiliating period of my life.

And the thing about hair — ask anyone who has ever regretted getting bangs — is that it doesn’t simply grow back overnight. It is a long, timely process.

My hair growth period took more than a year, simply to get back to chin length, collar bone length. A year, of waking up every morning to my hideous reflection – one I felt I truly deserved. The shame and guilt I carried around from my eating disorder made me believe that my outside appearance finally matched my insides.

Not only was I going through a season of overwhelming change — having to gain over 30 pounds, and wrestling with the crippling negative body image and self talk that berated my mind constantly. But I had to navigate those hostile waters while physically looking like a hairless monster.

I mean, there’s something so mystifying about a woman’s hair. It is her allure. Her femininity. Her flirtyness. And in my case, very much like my personality. I used to always joke that my crazy hair was a reflection of my fun-loving and grab-the-gusto personality.

That season truly taught me some of the most powerful lessons of my life. And contemplating the current state of patient endurance that we’re all facing right now with the coronavirus…I have a feeling that we’re all going to come out the other side having learned some incredibly valuable lessons, too.

So what did I learn? Two things.

First — that one’s beauty has absolutely nothing to do with one’s hair.

This was the theme for my entire recovery from anorexia. I learned that my value and worth as a human came from one truth: that I was made by God. It was nothing I earned, or nothing that I achieved. I couldn’t discredit it or be exempt from it. No. My life has value because I am His.

And therefore, I am beautiful. You are beautiful. We are all beautiful because we are reflections of He who made us. That is where my beauty comes from.

So every morning, when I had to face the mirror and see my reflection looking like Gollum from Lord of the Rings…I had to dig deep and remind myself that my beauty comes from my heart — from Jesus shining through it. And that season trained me, not only to see that in myself, but in others, too.

And lastly — and most applicably — it taught me to never take things — like my hair — for granted ever again, and to be so incredibly grateful for it.

I embrace bad hair days now. Why? Because it means I have hair.

When all of this COVID19 craziness is said and done, and we’re allowed to go out, and socialize, and return to a monotonous job with co-workers that often grate at our nerves…we’re going to have such a new perspective.

I know, personally, I will never take for granted those moments of togetherness ever again.

I’m going to hug people a little tighter, make goodbyes a little more meaningful, show up on time to gatherings, put in the little extra effort to see a loved one, appreciate the sunshine and a full refrigerator, and be a cheerful worker. Why? Because I’ve gone through life without those things.

Sometimes it takes a little bit of deprivation to truly appreciate those blessings we so often overlook every day.

To close…there’s an interaction I had with my dad once growing up that I’ll never forget. We had just gotten back from a vacation. And he didn’t have any dinner because he was gassing up the car while my mom and I got a Subway sandwich at the gas station.

And we got home, and I was all concerned that he didn’t have dinner and there was nothing in the house. And he looked and me and said, “Caralyn, sometimes it’s good to go to bed hungry.

And for the life of me — literally, for years — I could not understand why the heck he said that. Until literally just right now. That’s why. Because it is good to experience what it feels like to actually need something, in order to truly appreciate that which you have.

What have you grown to appreciate during this quarantine?

“Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him” James 1:12

“This is what the Lord says to these bones: I will make breath enter you, and you will come to life.” Ez 37:5

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145 thoughts on “CORONA DIARIES: What I Learned from Losing My Hair

  1. Wow, your 8th grade hair with those gorgeous curly ringlets! 🙂 In my 8th grade, that’s the year I started cutting it high and tight and never looked back. 🙂

    Hope you are doing okay in your quarantine. Praying for NYC. For us in California, we have a “shelter in place” rule. I was able to go out for a walk around the neighborhood and get fresh air and take pictures of the mountains. Despite it all, God is still good.

    1. Haha thank you friend – your prayers are so appreciated. Praying for you and Cali too!! Hugs and love xox stay well!

      1. I was a bulimic as a teen and young adult, so I especially appreciate your story. Praying for you as well right now.

      2. Thank you for sharing that. Praise God that we’ve both found freedom. 🙏🏼 much to be grateful for. Sending love

  2. A measly, insanely dear 129 sq feet, and my hair didn’t ask for reasons, it just fell out before K and I were even married. Oh, 293m from a world famous beach, obscured by piles of organised bricklaying. At least I can hear seagulls even at 2am. They always rant, bicker and fight.

    1. thanks for sharing that, Pete. I’m sorry! someone tell those seagulls to get some sleep 😉 stay well! Hugs and love xox

  3. I cannot say how much I enjoyed reading this. It’s like fresh laundry hot out of the dryer – and that is one of my favorite things in the world (my obsession with the smell and feel of fresh laundry is quite sad). That’s the best way I can describe how much I enjoyed every bit of this post. I think God allowed this virus to come upon us to slow us down, give us a new outlook on things and help us to be more grateful for the things we take for granted every single day. I really hope people walk away from this having learned those important lessons. More importantly, I hope I walk away having learned all that I should have learned. Thank you for this beautiful post.

    1. Oh my gosh Tausha, you just made my day!!! thank you so much for saying that 🙂 and for the record — i LOVE the smell of fresh laundry too!! now, folding said laundry is quite another story! hahah but seriously, thank you for taking the time to read and respond. You are a blessing to me! stay well! Hugs and love xox

      1. Agreed!! I’m guilty of letting my laundry sit in a basket in the corner for about two weeks before I finally fold it. Maybe I do it because it’s easier to grab a clean shirt just to get a whiff of those amazing unstoppables lol. You are so very welcome!!

      2. Haha same here! By the time it’s folded it’s time to start another load!! Stay well! Xox

  4. The old rule that women must cover their heads and men must uncover them was, i think, an implicit acknowledgement of where everyones pride is. We are comparing ourselves by our hair and our hats. Just something that came to mind when you talked about it being linked to your personality.

    This season has really helped teach me whats important. Its abhorrent to me that my Governor just this week announced Non essential gatherings are a *misdemeanor offense* punishable by 1 year in prison or $2500 fine. Mass is essentially illegal–with enough wiggle room for some private masses.

    I am blessed to have a roommate, to be able to still go to work (i work for a hospital–no, not in any medically necessary function; no, not *in* a hospital), so the only thing thats changed is how few other people are out and about.

    Patience and humility is key. Events are happening which are beyond our control. Let us turn to prayer that we may hear how God is speaking to us through this, and that if it be His will, his mercy may prevail in ending the madness.

    Stay safe, stay healthy. God bless you!
    AMDG
    -Scoot

    1. Hi Scoot, thanks for sharing that. You’re right – patience and humility is for sure key. and amen – prayer will get us through this! ((along with taking all the proper reccomended precautions!)) God is definitely trying to communicate something! time to turn our listening ears on! so glad you stopped by! stay well! Hugs and love xox

    1. You’re right about that! It’s all consuming, even on the blogs! Stay well friend! Hugs and love xox

  5. I know what you mean about deprivation. I lived on about $350/month while in grad school. I got almost no processed food. Everything was cooked from scratch in a crockpot. If I had chicken, I would bone the breasts myself at my apartment and then boil them with all of the vegetable peelings from whatever dish I’d prepared. That became my stock for next time. I squeezed every calorie out of everything I got. Those are habits that remain ingrained today.

    I remember having to go almost a week with nothing but a couple sleeves of saltines and a small jar of peanut butter. You do what you have to, endure what you have to. I understand your dad saying it’s sometimes good to go to bed hungry. Not that I ever appreciated it at the time, but I learned to deal with things and learned frugality.

    You endured your hair loss and initial stages of recovery. You learned something in those times. Maybe you don’t recognize the lessons for a few years, but they were eventually learned.

    I just remembered something I saw not long ago. “What doesn’t kill you will make you stronger. Except bears. Bears will definitely kill you.” 😊

    1. Oh wow that is astounding. And you’re right – those habits are good to keep at all times. Gosh – I cant imagine. You’re right you do what you have to do. The best lessons are often the hardest to learn. Haha love that quote. Yeah definitely steer clear of the bears!! Stay well my dear friend. Praying for you and yours! Hugs and love xox

  6. The lessons you learned from having anorexia have become ‘life lessons’ that truly encourage other people. You are beautiful with or without hair, not because of what you have done, but because of who you are: a child of the King.

    1. Thank you for saying that. Gosh I am truly touched by such kind words. Amen. We are all His children! Stay well my friend! Hugs and love xox

  7. I enjoy reading your blog. Being at home with my family and totally dependent on God has made me see that the things I held as important before really don’t matter. i am a Christian but before was to “busy” in my life to give God the time that I needed to. I would read my bible and say my prayers but many times other things would get in the way. God has done so much in my life and deserves so much more from me. This time now where we are not rushing around place to place is like pressing the pause button. I hope others will turn to God during this time, accept Him as their savior, and let Him fill their hearts with peace. Thank you for sharing your journey.

    1. Hi Rona, thank you for your thoughtful response. You’re so right – this is a really great time to work on our relationship with God. I pray we all do that! (Myself included!) Hugs and love xox

  8. Hi Caralyn! Excellent and quite contemporaneous yet so reflective! I enjoyed the glimpse of the past and as I started reading this article I really had a clear idea where it was going because of your past health crisis and the reason for the hair loss. I personally knew immediately no matter how you wrote or constructed these ideas in your heart and mind, literally your soul that we would be coming out on the other side hearing about how much you appreciate the simple things we often take for granted, say like even being able to tie show laces which some people aren’t able to do anymore due to deformans arthritis or sever back trouble and any serious bending is like hyperextending a joint or muscle resulting in pain and more immobility. I used to watch my dad as a kid with his severe back problem get ready without a peep or zero complain bend in half and going to do his blue collar physical strenuous job and I would say dad are you going to be OK maybe you can stay home and he would say not an option and don’t worry about me I’m fine so you just take care of yourself and get to school and do your best and I’ll see you tonight! Talk about stick-to-itiveness and my mom the same guts and determination so man they don’t make them like that anymore! But I knew you were going to show us how you grew and got “STRONGER” and more “APPRECITIVE” of just being alive and able to think or move around and do something worthwhile with your blessed life that God gave you! I like that you wrote this and it moves me tremendously, because you for a change touched on something deep in me, and that I hold dear which makes me cry right now, remembering so many moments of quality and power coming my way by the hard lessons or trials of others and my parents being the top of the heap in that department always! If God fails me in the end and I even end up not making the grade I know He will never wrong me about honoring my father and my mother, which I know you are in the same boat with me on that one!!! Man, your dad came through again for real with this point and closing of the article which fits to a “T” good old dad again kiddo! I have to quote you on this one my friend,” “Caralyn, sometimes it’s good to go to bed hungry.” (Sounds just like my dad, honest!!!)
    And for the life of me — literally, for years — I could not understand why the heck he said that. Until literally just right now. That’s why. Because it is good to experience what it feels like to actually need something, in order to truly appreciate that which you have.”
    Those words to me add up to dynamite, and you know another thing, you actually wrote some things here that tie into what I wrote today about the bigger picture of how askew the world is and how mankind is teetering as we all well know, but again the real key is God and how with Him through our Savior and Redeemer Jesus Christ we are in totally great shape and nothing to worry about, I figure even whether this very moment if I were to drop dead, and I’m not feeling well today, but if I do, my hope is God sees how serious I am about what I’m saying, and not to tempt at all; but even though I’m not fully prepared as well I should be I believe I’m on cue with at least a few very vital points of contention for all people, and it could still make or break my case as to whether I’m found worthy, only He knows! You triggered some powerful stuff here and thanks, I like that hard stuff and the revelation I obtain from it. You keep moving slowly and methodically ahead; follow Him, Jesus Christ. Amen.
    Hugs, Lorenzo. My Mom’s Pet Name, especially when being so affectionate! 🤗

    1. Thanks Lawrence! Yes! The simple things! Thanks for your reflection. Stay well Hugs and love xox

      1. Hey there Caralyn! I know you’re there; and like a fly on the wall! Where else would you be in this upside situation! I really hope and pray you are well along with feeling calm and settled. I hate using the term but as it turns out you’re at Ground Zero presently but that could change quickly. Interesting how the first thing that came to my mind when this epidemic struck was that NYC had the 9/11 horror to live though as I remembered it all too well having visited the area within a couple of weeks of the tragedy so perhaps for that reason my recalling all the shock and sadness I felt or maybe some other deep inspiration I correlated that event with this Corona Virus attack into my first blog article that I mention it with photos and all; then suddenly NYC is the epicenter. We better pray deeply about all of this and God help us all we have such a topsy-turvy dilemma. But, I hope you’re feeling very healthy and not getting the chest aches I’m getting which probably means I have it but not showing heavy duty symptoms thank God. I just actually found out yesterday that this virus can take up to two weeks they’re saying to incubate and start showing substantial symptoms. And just under two weeks ago I think I could have been exposed but had no clue until I started feeling these myriad of symptoms. So, I’m saying all of this so you do as you’re doing and even be more stringent about preventing exposure, because I wish I had taken better precaution recently and didn’t! Not a lecture but just a friendly reminder which I wish I had a couple of weeks ago. I had just thought stay away from anyone sneezing or coughing and washing hands was good enough! I guess I have to see what happens now if I remain lower grade or something else! But, you being there my brotherly instinct told me to mention this! Keep tabs and your chin up too! 🤗 😊 🙏 ❤
        Lawrence

      2. 🙏 🙏 😇 😇 🥰 You betcha! Thank you for that it helps, I’m about to crash; so toasted, and still achy in the chest, lungs primarily but is staying subdued with my special green tea concoction, steeped well then poured into my big tin mug, like 3 cups of tea in one, over the waiting ingredients of fresh lemon and the pulp, fresh ginger root grated, raw honey, cayenne pepper, a half shot of ginger brandy as an accelerator. But, I need lots of straight sleep, as you know that’s when the brain activates the repair armies and much gets done! So off to see the wizard in la la land dreaming of a peaceful restful place! God Bless. 🙏 🙏 😇 😇 🤗 😊 ❤

  9. I’d agree with anyone saying that you consistently structure your writing like you’re an all-star 🙂 A girl’s hair is often quite nice, and it sometimes even helps me recognize who she is when I’m looking over at someone, trying to understand if I know the person’s name. I’m sorry that you have this recollection of hair loss, as I take it concerns about how you looked, materially, contributed to your eating disorder.

    I can understand the feelings of humiliation in that.

    The positive I see in this planet-wide disaster with the virus, oddly, is that my menu for YouTube keeps on being interesting. A lot of the outpouring about the virus is steeped with negative feelings, but the way I read an upside in that is every time I throw the YouTube platform on, there is something I find that I want to watch, like being less info-starved.

    I was pleased to infer there’s a positive tone to your post tonight, and I hope you make it out the other side of this crisis as intact as you are now. The media is referring to the city you call home as the epicentre in the US for the crawly virus, so I wish for God to fill you with extra bravery as you live through the ordeal.

    1. Haha Aw thank you friend. Yes – gotta keep positive in this situation. Having high spirits is good for the immune system 😉 (that’s not a data-backed fact, just my own personal hunch!) haha stay well. Hugs and love xox

    1. Oh my gosh thank you Alice! You’re awesome 🥰🥰🥰 stay well my friend! Hugs and love xox

    1. Oh my gosh you’re too kind!! Thank you my friend, glad it resonated with you 🥰🥰🥰 stay well! Hugs and love xox

    2. Wow, your story really touched my heart. I’m more appreciative of my mother during this season. Her daily calls that are more like Q&A sessions, lol…her candour, her pessimism at times, I just listen to her more intently now. I’m saddened right now because she’s on the front lines with this virus as a healthcare worker and as I’ve feared, she is now experiencing flu-like symptoms. I believe in the power of Christ at the end of the day and believe that not only my mom, but the entire world will experience God’s power in this season.

      1. Hi kyndra! Oh gosh thank you so much. Oh no – I’m so sorry to hear that!! I will be saying lots of prayers for her. Please keep me posted. My brother is a doctor too, and I’m fearful for what’s going to happen as this thing progresses. Stay well. Hugs and love xox

  10. Everything. My anxiety aka Panic Disorder which probably caused my insomnia and depression though not bad because I got that under control, makes me realize how lucky I am to have people who love and care for me everyday. Without the support from loved ones and close friends, even people I met on Twitter and here, and other places, I feel good to know I’m not alone. We all battle stuff. I feel like what you posted is worthwhile for many who are down in the dumps. As it can always be worse. I never had to check into a in patient program like my younger brother for his OCD and bipolar disorder. He’s doing much better. I’ve had days where I’d look in the mirror and didn’t like what I saw. It was more shame than anything. Until you are open and honest about it, you can’t fully recover. I still am a work in progress at 43. But I feel enthusiastic and ready to battle harder. I can’t wait for this to be over and for us to completely recover as we have before. Stronger. Love ❤️ and hugs.

    1. Thank you for sharing this Derek. Amen – we are all so incredibly blessed. What a gift to be able to recognize and realize that. Thanks for stopping by. Stay well friend. Hh

    1. Thank you friend. There is power in prayer and it will help get us through this. Praying for you as well! Haha thanks – can you sense the sass through the photo?! Haha stay well Hugs and love xox

  11. Not the funnest of times for sure. I don’t go out much, but the stress of the whole thing is making me anxious and I’m ready for it to be over. On a good note, our Bible study class is meeting online through Zoom now. We just started the book of James. Take care 🙂

    1. yeah i feel you there – i’m only going out for a job once a day. oh that’s great that you’re still able to meet! james is a great book. stay well friend! Hugs and love xox

  12. What a story of triumph over adversity my friend! Your 8th grade picture reminded me do much of how naturally curly my hair too was at that time in my life! Like Ms. Shirley Temple 😊
    Your story, you are brave and courageous for sharing it btw, shines a light on the truth that beauty isn’t skin deep or on the outside. It’s on the inside. I’m happy you made it through this rough patch in your journey to come out the other side such a kind hearted young woman😊

    I pray for all of you back up in there in my neck of the woods during this time. I grew up 10 mins outside NYC. Most of my friends have houses upstate or in NJ and are quarantined as well. Stay safe and well. Great post my dear❤

    1. aw. thank you so much my friend 🙂 what a kind thing to say! there is power in prayer! thank you so much for keeping us in your prayers. stay well! Hugs and love xox

      1. You got it sister, as we have messaged with each other on your previous posts….we are all connected. This entire human race and we are all in this together. I live in a small apartment too and my latest post focused on the lighter side of sharing my space with my fiance 24/7😉

      2. We are all connected for sure!!! Haha good luck with that! Remember, time for yourself is important! 🙂 haha (at least so I hear! I’m single as a spare sock!) hahaha Hugs and love xox (also I just made up that saying so forgive me – I’ve been quarantined for two weeks! Hahahaha)

      3. Hahaha you are too funny! Thankfully we have a backyard space and I do ho out there to have alone time or I go into the bathroom and shut the door, pretending it’s in another building all together Lol🤣 we have been together for almost 7 years and have done something similar to this when we were homeless in our car for 3 months. You get to know a person in a whole new way😉

      4. 🙂 yeah – that is very true – those situations bring us together!! stay well! xo

  13. “I embrace bad hair days now. Why? Because it means I have hair.” That is a wonderful perspective. One of the things God tries to teach us over and over is to see things as He does, and trust Him when we don’t. What may seem bad to us may be the very thing He is using to make us more like Him. I don’t like being lonely and don’t know exactly why God has made me stay single for so long. But I’ve discovered I’m actually looking forward to the day I can fight with my wife. Why? Because she’ll be there, and right now I’d give almost anything to have someone to love, share, and even fight with. Whoever she is, I hope she’s understanding, because she’s going to think I’m weird. 😂

    Hey, congrats on making it to day 15! You realize the incubation period of C19 is 14 days, which means if you’re not showing symptoms by now, you haven’t been exposed. The same can be said of others in NYC. I’m not saying there won’t be more cases, but if there are others like you, and you all continue to take the precautions, we should see the turn in this deal very soon. Personally, I’m praying that God will clear it out for us by the first of April. But whatever happens, He’s still in control, and it will all work out in His timing regardless. Praying for you and your friends! Hope you have a good weekend, albeit a slow one. 🙂

    1. thank you Kenneth! I feel you there! and you’re right – i pray that God will help us get through this. there is power in prayer. thank you for keeping me in yours! stay well! Hugs and love xox

  14. Thank you so much for sharing this ❤️. Getting your hair back is definitely one of the perks of sticking through recovery. God bless you dear! And would you mind if I re-blog this?

    1. Thank you so much friend 🙂 you’re right! definitely a huge perk! and yes! i’d be honored if you passed it along! stay well friend. Hugs and love xox

  15. You still have the best posts. You are extremely inspirational to me-and I am a lot older than you. You have something that I did not have when I was a young woman-the ability to know and learn to be true to yourself. It took me till I sobered up at 45 and beyond :). Thanks for sharing yourself with us here on WordPress.

    1. oh my gosh, what a kind thing to say. thank you so much my friend 🙂 Praise God that you’ve found that freedom! There is no timeline with God 🙂 stay well my friend. grateful for you! Hugs and love xox

  16. One of the things I like about your blog is how transparent you are, Caralyn. You have been through so much.. and you still face challenges daily – some more serious than others – and you let your readers face the problems with you. You are positive while brutally honest. As Elva Green said, you have “the ability to lnow and learn to be true to yourself.” It is inspirational and instructional. Thank you, Caralyn!

    1. Aw, thank you so much Jan! gosh, you’re kind to say that. My goodness, I am so humbled by your generous words. Thank you again. Sending you so much love and hugs. know you’re in my prayers! Hugs and love xox

  17. Beautiful and wise thoughts. There is so much I had taken for granted. Full grocery store shelves. Shaking hands, hugging. The ‘certainty’ of mundane days. We should be able to learn so much and especially to be thankful NOW for what we still have —so much.

    1. Hi Amy! oh thank you so much — oh yes! full store shelves is another big one! it’s incredible how this has illuminated the little things we take for granted. another biggie: DOCTORS AND NURSES. stay well my friend! Hugs and love xox

  18. Caralyn, your post made me stop and think of all I have to be thankful. So glad that God is not limited by time, space, or quarantine. He a prayer away and he not only hears but answers. A quieter life makes me appreciate the smaller things. Love and hugs!

    1. Hi friend, oh I’m so glad this brought about that reflection. One thing I wish I would have inclueded in my list of things I’m grateful for that I’m guilty of taking for granted are our doctors, nurses and medical professionals. Wow – they are real life heroes. Hope you’re staying well and hanging in there. big hugs xox

  19. BBB, you live in NYC. Wasn’t your governor complaining about not having enough hospital beds and enough ventilators recently on TV? I thought of an easy way to make a manually-operated ventilator and containment unit on my blog tonight. It might be a crazy idea and need a lot of people to operate, but it would give jobs to a lot of people who are jobless now, like med students, others. It’s simple work pushing a lever back and forth endlessly and watching through a window and pushing a button in case somebody is dying. The only problem is you might have to watch somebody die, and your arms would get a good deal of exercise. Anyway, take care and stay smiling.

    1. Interesting! Yeah the situation is getting bad here in NYC’s hospital system. It is definitely concerning. Prayers and supplies and solutions are needed. Hugs and love xox

  20. Wow, you had beautiful curls in the 8th grade!! And you have not just survived a lot, but triumphed over many huge obstacles and rough times like your anorexia, and you will continue to triumph because you keep your focus on our Lord and Savior!

    You learned some valuable things during this time of quarentine! I am going nuts because my nephews, just shy of 7 (they turn 7 in May), have been stuck inside for like 3 weeks now and instead of school work, most days they are either playing video games or watching TV and fighting about whatever it is and it is driving everyone else here (my sister, brother-in-law, and my father who is stuck here until it is safe to travel back to LV, NV) and my sister’s poor Siberian Husky up the wall with their crazier-than-usual craziness!! Also, with so many of us in the house all the time, privacy is at level 0…as in it does not exist!

    I do however miss being able to give and receive hugs because I need them!! But the truth is, I have been stuck inside since December 12, 2017, the day I got hit by a car while trying to cross the street to Walmart from the bus stop. I also miss being able to attend church and having fellowship with other followers of Christ.

    But similar to you, I am focusing on drawing closer to the Lord during this time and also using this extra time when everyone else is also mainly stuck indoors, to work on improving myself and becoming the woman God created me to be. There is a lot to learn from you on how to accomplish that and I thank you for being such a major inspiration!

    We were talking about the power of prayer earlier, and I wrote about it in my book (and it is still in my revised version that I am waiting for the right traditional publishing company to send it to) and was wondering what you and I could do to help other people realize just how powerful sincere prayers prayed in faith that God hears and answers when in alignment with His will, really is. If everyone that has breath in them today knew God, Jesus, and how powerful our prayers to Him are, then perhaps there would be less (or none at all) panic and more trusting God to supply all of our needs as we have them, to protect us from harm and deadly diseases, and to heal those who are sick with any illness or disease or pain of any kind. And what a wonderful world it would be for EVERYONE to be united together as 1 in Christ Jesus, our Lord! So if you have any ideas on how we can both work on it and reach like the maximum amount of people, I am all eyes and ears!! You know what I mean! God bless you and sending hugs and love!! xoxo

    1. Aw thank you!! Gosh I’m so touched by your kind words. Oh wow yeah I feel for the kids right now! Hang in there friend. There is power in prayer! He really does! Stay well! Hugs and love xox

      1. I have chronic illnesses that started wayyyy before this virus spread and turned into a pandemic! But with God’s help, I am steering clear of IT and with God’s help hopefully I continue to until He withers the Coronavirus and everything that can cause it or result from it from the roots up like Jesus did to that fig tree when it did not give Him a fig when He was hungry.

        I hope you stay well too!! *Hugs* and love back!

        Seriously, if you have any ideas on how you and/or I can reach the maximum amount of people about how much God and Jesus love us and the power of prayer, I would love to hear or read the idea!! How much bettee a world would we live in if everyone alive today , if we were ALL connected to Jesus and each other through Jesus and instead of panic, we had faith and confisence in God’s promises and willingness (and ability) to protect us, heal us, and provide everyone one of us with all of our needs as we need them? Less panic more trust and peace, less hate more love, and so on!

      2. Oh gosh I’m so sorry to hear that! Praying for you my friend. And true that – there is power in prayer!! Leaning into that trust! Stay well my friend! Hugs and love xox

    1. Thank you my dear friend 🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰 you are too sweet. Lots and lots of love

  21. Caralyn, your Dad is a wise man. And he’s 100% correct. It is good for us to understand what it’s like to go without, so that we can better appreciate all that we are blessed with.

    1. He really is such a wise man. I am very blessed to have him in my life. thank you for stopping by!! Hugs and love xox

  22. Another wonderful post, Caralyn, I appreciate the bold candor in your writing, as well as your sweet, caring nature that comes through clearly. Your father seems to be a super wise man, with his comments you have relayed to us. Something I have come to appreciate much more in all this is the emotions/feelings of those in healthcare, grocery, emergency services, etc, those on the front lines today – some are fearless, marching forward in determination to do their jobs. And some are scared, praying every moment that they don’t get sick. But they are at work, doing their jobs. I visited my dr’s office for a routine thing and took the time to ask the nurses and front staff how they were doing and feeling. They all voiced fear, apprehension, and the deep hope they would be ok. I wouldn’t have known this if I hadn’t taken the time to care about THEM. We often take it for granted that those in healthcare feel “called” and bravely go forth and do their job. But we forget that they are human just like us, having the same fears we do. I appreciate them so much more. Love to you <3

    1. Hi Mindy! aw thank you so much for sharing your heart on this. You’re so right — those front line workers are people who we need to be so grateful for. they are holding up society right now!!! my brother is a doctor, and it’s been really scary to hear about the situation from his perspective. those heroes need our prayers now more than ever. amen to that. stay well! Hugs and love xox

  23. Just read this post having gone to bed without dinner haha…and what you say is really true. You’re so blessed to have parents with such wisdom that they have shared with you and which you have shared with the world…thank-you.

    I hope and pray that you’re staying safe and healthy during these times(:

    1. thank you friend – yeah i am blessed for sure to have them in my life. i appreciate your prayers!! know that you’re in mine too!! stay well my friend. xox

    1. You’re so right about that! Thanks for stopping by! Stay well! Hugs and love xox

  24. I would like to be able to say I have a newfound appreciation for something in my life but all I appreciate right now is not being at work 🤣

  25. My wife went through a similar ordeal last year. When her hair fell out, she thought it was the end of the world. It hit her hard but she survived and is stronger now because of it. The trials we go through in life make us better. They make is stronger. The trial we are in now will pass and we will be better for it.

    1. Oh gosh I’m so sorry to hear that Tony. You’re right – they are life’s greatest teachers. Stay well my friend. Sending prayers for you and your wife! Hugs and love xox

  26. I’ve grown to appreciate my job. Sure, it’s exhausting, but at least there is structure and routine. I’m a week in to working from home, and there are still a lot of unanswered questions about what exactly I should be doing and am allowed to do.

    1. Thanks Greg – that is definitely a huge and important one. I’m really appreciating my family and friends too. Absolutely. Stay well. Hugs and love xox

      1. (And I finally figured out how to put my name on here, although I’m using my pen name. You can still call me Pi, though, like you used to… hehe)

      2. Oh my gosh!!! Hahaha blast from the past!! Love it 🙂 thanks Greg! Sending hugs xox

    1. Oh my gosh me too!! They are such heroes! My brother is a doctor so I’m getting a glimpse into the reality of the toll this is taking on them. It is really incredible how selfless and brave these men and women are. This is not what they signed up for and yet are risking life and limb to save humanity. It’s inspiring. Hugs and love xox

  27. I find myself staying in touch more frequently with my family in Montana. Simple pleasures such as a walk seem like a much bigger deal. We are all in this crisis together, no matter where we call home. There is strength in standing together with the rest of my city, state, country, and the world.

    1. That’s so great! You’re right – it’s the little things. And I love the unity that has been born as a result too! Stay well friend Hugs and love xox

  28. Big hugs. When I was a little girl and young teenager, I had hair so long it was down to my knees. It was thick and very heavy. My mother, until she died, used to braid my hair everyday before school. Then my teachers actually braided it for me. Having long hair gave me confidence.
    When I turned seventeen, my step mother made me cut my hair. I wasn’t ready for it. She said I looked horrible with long hair. I cried for days after getting it cut. It took me a long time to get over it. I have had it cut after it grew back. Now I’m just letting my hair grow. I hope to get it back to the length it was when I was a child. I miss my long hair.

    1. Oh gosh thank you for sharing that Amanda. Ok so sorry that you had to go through that. I’m glad you’re letting it grow. You deserve to feel that confidence and joy. Sending the biggest hugs xox

  29. Yes, appreciation is the key during this time. Many this moment are NOT as comfortable as we are-even in small spaces like yours and mine. Stay safe!! ❤️

    1. Thank you friend. You are so right!! Speciation is the absolute key! Stay well! Hh

  30. Human beings were created with an inbuilt desire for fellowship with their maker and each other. This experience has taught us how valuable those contacts are.

    1. Thankfully my hair has all grown back!! But rewind the clock those 12 years and maybe I would have!! Thanks for stopping by! Stay well! Hugs and love xox

  31. Well, it has been a while since I visited your blog. How did that happen? I have no explanation. 🙂 I enjoy the vivacious style and effervescence of this post. Of course, the Scripture is like–what did He call it–living water. And the message of not taking the little things for granted is so apropos in this uncertain time.
    Be safe and well. Hugs.

    1. Hi Tom! Great to hear from you! Thank you so much 🙂 yes! Living water! We all need that in this crazy time! Stay well friend! Hugs and love xox

  32. Hi there! Thank you for being so transparent about your life story. I had no idea some of the side effects of anorexia, specifically how a person could lose their hair. I’ve been self-educating a bit around the topic of eating disorders, and have been learning a lot. One article I recently read gave readers a different angle to view eating disorders on. It discussed how for some eating disorders are almost a blocker in a way to peoples “worse problems” or insecurities. The author Mary Cohen said this, “In order to change the hidden “benefit” of your eating problem, your first step is to become aware of the ways your emotional eating “helps” you.” I’m by no means an expert but reading that and then also reading other authors like yourself, has really helped me to gain a better understanding. The other thing I wanted to mention was you talking about being a wonderful creation made by God. I think that’s great! And as a brother in Christ I totally agree with you. I think you help remind people of this fact, and for some you plant a seed. Thanks again for your post and for encouraging others to succeed in their own journey.

    1. Thanks so much Mason for your kind words. What an interesting perspective. Thanks for sharing that. So glad you stopped by! Stay well! Hugs and love xox

  33. I like your comment about your beauty coming from God. Recently with my depression, when I haven’t been able to love myself, it’s been OK because God was able to love me. I think it’s a similar kinda idea… love, beauty, maybe everything good and pure… they all come from God. I also liked your reminder not to take things for granted. Thanks 🙂

    1. Thank you friend. Amen – He loves us through our difficult times. Stay well. Hugs and love xox

  34. I don’t know how you manage to answer so many comments. I do enjoy reading your articles. You’re amazing. And thank you for your kind answers to my comments. As they say, keep doing you.

    1. Thank you so much! Gosh you’re kind to say that! Hang in there! Hugs and love xox

    1. Hi Carly! Thank you so much 🙂 glad it struck a chord with you! Stay well! Hugs and love xox

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