Remember the good ol’ days when the only thing New Yorkers had to worry about were cockroaches and bed bugs?
You guys. I am living my nightmare.
Yesterday – (Quarantine Day 12) – I was minding my own business in my apartment…trying to learn a Tic Tok dance (as one does)…when all of a sudden, I felt something scurry across my bare foot.
I instantly look down, and sure enough, it was a cockroach.
A COCKROACH! I scream (obviously) – and grab the nearest object…it was a candle…and I smash the living daylights out of the little devil.
I’m pacing the floor, shaking, breathless, sobbing — this is my personal hell: literally quarantined in a tiny room WITH A COCKROACH.
Don’t worry, I mopped the whole place, drenched every square inch in Lysol, and literally inspected every nook and cranny for any other little friends that might be hiding out. *And allow me to just interject…I am a clean freak 24/7. My place is spic and span always. I change my sheets weekly, vacuum daily, and deep clean the bathroom 3x week. I blame the roach situation on the six bunches of ripe bananas I had sitting on my counter due to stocking up for Corona.
Anywho – that’s how my day went yesterday 🙂
(And to follow along with more real-time updates like this doosey of an episode, follow me on Instagram. It’s a hoot-and-a-half…especially right now when all there is to do is scroll social media!)
But all jokes aside, I wanted to just take today to give you a glimpse into what life is like right now in New York City, given the Coronavirus situation.
I’ve been blown away by the number of messages and emails from sweet readers, checking in, and praying for me during this unnerving and frightening time. So thank you for that.
New York City right now is unrecognizable. I live in the center of the hustle and bustle in Greenwich Village, and to say that it is a ghost town is quite an understatement. The restaurants, shops, bars, schools, museums — are all boarded up and dark. The buses are running empty. Taxis vacant. Sidewalks deserted.
The only people out are the delivery men — all wearing masks — and your occasional person walking their dog — and the look on their faces (if not covered by a mask) is that of impending doom. Like they’re walking through a minefield, half-expecting to step on an explosive at any given minute.
People are on edge.
And for good reason. The cases here are exploding. Over 20,000 cases, and over 150 deaths in New York. Granted, this number reflects all the testing being done here, but still – the number is daunting.
The hospitals are critically low on protective gear. They’re converting four places – including the Javits Convention Center – into makeshift, temporary hospitals.
We’re under a “Pause” quarantine — meaning only workers deemed “essential” are allowed outside.
And the mass of New Yorkers that fled to the Hamptons, are all coming back in droves, because conditions are even worse out there.
There are currently two people in my apartment building who have confirmed COVID19 cases, as well as one of my friends. All mild. All doing well, praise God.
I am feeling fine…a strong case of cabin fever, but other than that -and of course, my cockroach episode- I am holding up well.
I’ve been FaceTiming friends and loved ones every day. And, apart from not being able to go into my co-working space, my writing job has not really been interrupted. My acting job, on the other hand, has come to a screeching halt, as the industry is at a standstill with productions canceling, and projects put on hold until this outbreak passes.
But I think the biggest thing right now is that there’s a lot of fear circulating. I went to the grocery store on Monday (I have since started only getting delivery) – and it was as though everyone was suspicious of each other. It was such an unsettling feeling. People staying six feet away from one another, and eyeing you with that — don’t-you-dare-come-closer — look of desperation and hostility. I’ve never felt so many eyes of suspicion on me ever.
But for me, the most frightening thing is seeing people in face masks. I’ve been going for an afternoon jog, and in the past 48 hours, more and more people are wearing masks. It’s an ominous sight to say the least. And it makes me catch my breath.
But to be honest, that feeling is not foreign to me. And in fact, it brings me back to that very first day at inpatient. I had to go to an inpatient treatment facility for three months for my anorexia back in high school. And walking in that first day, seeing those skeletal girls with feeding tubes coming out of their noses, it was that same feeling of foreboding fear. Looking at their gaunt faces, I felt as though I was walking through a morgue. It was absolutely terrifying — that same feeling I’ve been experiencing walking around Manhattan these past several days.
And so, when I got home from my jog – (after I washed my hands and showered, of course) – I pulled out my book, Bloom, which closely follows the journal I kept while at inpatient, and flipped to those very first entries where I was dealing with that paralyzing fear.
It’s funny how reading those words from that day, resonated so poignantly today. They were a real encouragement for me. And so I decided to close tonight’s post with those words from 2007. Because, maybe…if like me, you’re feeling scared or anxious, they will resonate with you, too.
“Lord, I need to feel Your arms around me. I need You to whisper soft encouraging words in my ears. Draw me close to You, Lord. I am so scared and feel so vulnerable. Reassure me Lord, and protect me from all fear and doubt.
‘Give all your worries and cares to God, for He cares about what happens to you.’ 1 Peter 5:7
We need to say we need help. Our cry impacts the heart of God. God sees us, hears us, has a plan to get us out, and is concerned for us.
I don’t pretend to understand why God allows suffering, but I do know that He cares. That He is going through it right along with us. And that He wants to comfort us.
God will protect me from anything that scares me. We’re not always going to have mountain top experiences with God. Our faith will be tested. In the midst of the storm, fear blinds us. Fear blinds us from seeing the whole picture. It blinds us to the fact that God is always with us, because He so dearly loves us.
Throw down your fears at the feet of Jesus. Just throw them down. Give Him everything. Scream. Kick. Sob. Just let Him have it all. Stop carrying them around with you. He will take them, gladly. Because you know what? He already did.” — BeautyBeyondBones, Bloom
To watch this as a video…click here.
“This is what the Lord says to these bones: I will make breath enter you, and you will come to life.” Ez 37:5
A big thank you to my foundational sponsor, BetterHelp Online Therapy. I cannot begin to express how beneficial therapy was for my recovery from anorexia. Speak with an online therapist. Or check out content about eating disorders from BetterHelp.
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Here was yesterday’s video! https://youtu.be/8pmp4ZI968A
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