Battling Insecurity

Do you ever just feel….embarrassingly out of place?

Do you ever walk into a room and feel as though you’ve got, like, your skirt tucked into your underwear, or like you have a big, unsightly growth on your chin?

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I had one of those experiences last week. I had an audition for this big beauty commercial.

So I walked into the waiting room, and I felt a hot wave of self-consciousness wash over me — starting in my stomach and running up through the backs of my ears.

Every young woman in the room was a tall, blonde bombshell, model-esq, and looking like they could literally kill someone with their piercing “simize” gaze.

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What did my agent send me to?

I felt like the riff raf that somebody accidentally let in.

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Anywho, looking around, and harshly sizing myself up, I realized something in that very minute.

I had two options.

A) I could let my insecurities get the best of me. I could succumb to the lies of inadequacy  and self doubt that were swirling around my head. I could beat myself up with comparisons and fall into thinking that was detrimental to my recovery and wellbeing.

Orrr…

B) I could listen to the voice of God’s Truth in my head that has taken me ten years in recovery to be able to hear and actually believe.

And I’m going to be honest, looking around that room, Option A was looking pretty inescapable.

But, I did something that turned things around.

I prayed.

I just closed my eyes, right there in that waiting room, and said, “God, please let Your light shine through me when I go into that audition room.”

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And all of a sudden, this peace came over me…I kid you not. I looked around the room, and I saw all those formerly frighteningly beautiful ladies with new eyes – In my head I literally heard, “They are all children of God.” 

I mean, that’s not how I typically talk. That was not from my own thinking. I mean, heck, just thirty seconds ago I was half-wishing that one of their stiletto’s would snap and cause a domino effect, downing half a dozen wanna-be Barbies. Thinking about children of God was not really on my radar at the moment.

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Anywho…after the audition, I just kinda forgot about it. It was a great audition – His peace carried me through – but realistically, it was a long shot. I mean, they clearly had a vision of what they were looking for, and well…it wasn’t me.

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But.

Later the next day, I got a call from my agent.

I didn’t book that beauty spot, but the casting director wanted me for a different international commercial campaign they were working on.

And this new gig, was a much better opportunity than the one little beauty spot.

And in fact, I’m actually on set, as you’re reading this, shooting the campaign all week.

But thinking about it, I realized, this would not have happened had I given into the lies in my head in that waiting room.

How many times in my life have I let fear and insecurity — especially about looks — get the best of me?

The answer: a lot. Too many times than I’d like to admit.

But I handed that audition over to God. And you know what? It turns out that God’s plans for us are so much greater than any we could drum up for ourselves.

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And today at church, I literally chuckled out loud at the gospel, because it was about the hairs on our heads being numbered. And to be not afraid, because we have great worth. (Matt 10: 26-33)

God proved that in that waiting room. He gave me His peace to shine, and in return provided for me in a way I could not have imagined.

So that’s all for tonight. Sometimes we just have to turn over control to the One who knows the hairs on our heads, and loves us, and really does work all things together for good.

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beautybeyondbones

BBB: Because we're all recovering from something. // For speaking/business inquiries: beautybeyondbones@yahoo.com

412 thoughts on “Battling Insecurity

  1. I really enjoyed this post, I think that every person has had this feeling before, that tight feeling in your stomach, the nervousness starts to takeover. I am glad you found a way to get rid of those negative emotions. Congratulations on the other work!

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  2. F.R.O.G. – Forever Rely On God. I am so excited for your success, and the fact that you give it over to God. Right now I am struggling with issues at my work, where I really do not mesh with my supervisor. He has been there 1+ year, and I have been there 20. I keep struggling to turn it over to God, but keep getting pulled back by my humanness. Trade you prayers! Congrats on your well deserved assignment!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Doesn’t it feel good when we reach a place of maturity that we don’t yield to the lies of the enemy but draw on and believe the truth that our heavenly Father has given us and believe who we are in Him. Blessings to you, that is a milestone for every true child of God to reach.

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  4. There are some who are born “out of place” where doors, whether open or closed, do not exist. They learn all too well the meaning of insecurity. But when they think about their Savior who was born, who lived, and then who died out of place, they find peace in knowing that His path is the narrowest way to the pearly gates — through which those who come to know and rely on God enter into their rightful place. I congratulate you for discovering the one hope upon which we could all faithfully stand above insecurity. Thank you for being vulnerable and for sharing your meaningful testimony that surely is speaking to someone’s heart today. Blessings!

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  5. This was a great read. Even the most confident person compares themselves to someone at times. I’m so glad we serve a just God who can do for me and millions of others at the same time and never miss a beat!

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I loved how you mentioned to let your light shine in that audition…and his peace came upon you! So happy to hear God opens another door that was even better. Keep shining!!

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  7. Oh my gosh! Thank you so much for sharing this. Your post reminds of every day in my life. I attend a very upper class school where everyone looks like they stepped off the runway. It’s a struggle every day to work up the courage to go into school and have self-confidence. So again, THANK YOU!

    Liked by 1 person

  8. I have always been insecure all my life. Lately im trying to practice where i would pray and ask for strength and guide me to not let all these emotions cover me. Congrats on your gig!! You are so beautiful!!

    Liked by 1 person

  9. So much truth in this! You are learning and applying at such a young age…keep on keeping on! Your life will be so much deeper…have so much more meaning and purpose as you continue to lean into His ways! 🙂

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  10. Wow. I had the same thought process for my first commercial audition; did the same thing: Prayed and summoned up my courage! Fears can stop us from a great opportunity that you may regret and wonder “What if”

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  11. I would love for you to consider doing a guest spot on this very topic! And we can link it to this posting if you like or to your blog in general! Lovin’ up your thoughts! Keep em rollin’

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  12. That ‘peace’ that suddenly comes over you? Yeah, been there. It’s unexplainable and feels like God simply putting his hand on our shoulder saying, “There’s nothing to be anxious about. I’m here with you.” Great post!

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