The Angry Feminist

Warning: this post may be slightly unpopular.

You know what fashion trend I am completely over? Shirts with words on them.

You know what I’m talking about…they’ll have random words like, “How about Tacos” or “#squad” or something like “Laundry Day.” The whole I’m-really-trying-to-look-like-I’m-not-trying look. And listen buddy, you ain’t foolin’ anybody. Just take your poly/cotton blend attempt at irony back to the dumpster fire that is Forever 21 where it belongs.

Sheesh.

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But since I’ve been back in NYC, I’ve noticed the tone of these said “word shirts” have gotten…well…hostile.

And women, I’m looking at us.

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I’ve seen shirts with language such as “No Uterus, No Opinion,” “Not your P####,” “Feminist as F@%#,” “Who Runs the World? Girls,” “F#*%ing Nasty Woman,” and my personal favorite…”She’s Beauty, She’s Grace, She’ll Punch You in the Face.”

Frankly, I’m disgusted.

Listen, I am all for celebrating womanhood and the feminine genius – after all, we are the crown of creation and have so much to offer the world – but when did celebrating womanhood become about absolutely tearing down men?

There’s no excuse for belittling another human being just to elevate oneself. I mean, isn’t that exactly what you’re “fighting” to stop in the first place? Apparently it’s okay to reduce a man’s value and worth and intelligence because it’s in the name of feminism, right?

What message are we sending to children, when our clothing attacks men with profanity and language I certainly wouldn’t want my future children repeating?

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I mean, where’s the line?

And I get it…there are a lot of reasons, especially given recent history, for women to be up in arms. (I’m lookin’ at you, R. Kelly, Donald Trump, Jay Z). And those feelings are valid and important.

But for cryin’ out loud, can’t we take the high road?

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The truth is, men and women are different. We are each a unique reflection of our Maker, and are equal partners in life, in marriage, under the law, in the eyes of God.

But I’m tired of women putting men down just to advance the feminist agenda.

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One of my favorite verses on this is from Col 3:18-19, which gets a bad wrap. It’s all about a wife submitting to her husband. But what gets left out is where the husband gets that very same instruction! And it goes further in 1 Peter 3:7 to say that husbands should treat their wives “with honor as fellow heirs of the gracious gift of life.”

God wants men and women to be a team.

We are to build one another up.

We are to treat one another with respect and dignity – as equal partners.

One of the most powerful things my mom ever said to me was that when you get married, your number one job is to help get your spouse to Heaven.

It’s an equal partnership where the earthly and eternal wellbeing of the other becomes more important then your own.

That’s radical feminism.

That’s the male/female relationship we should strive for.

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I’m going to call it how I see it: this new wave of profane feminism isn’t feminism…it’s bullying

And you know what? It needs to stop.

By acting out with such base and vile behavior and language, we’re just as bad as the “mysogyny” we’re fighting against.

It’s the epitome of hypocritical, and honestly, it’s just in bad taste.

I’m just going to leave you with this…you attract more flies with honey than you can with vinegar.

And maybe, if we hold ourselves to the standards of virtue and grace, and humility and honor, then men will take a page from our book, and that respect we’re demanding will be voluntarily given.

So please, enough with the aggression. It doesn’t look good on you, sweetheart.

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553 thoughts on “The Angry Feminist

  1. I have to add my favorite to the bunch:

    “Preach the gospel at all times. When necessary, use words.” St. Francis of Assisi

    It applies to so much beyond religion.

    Personally, I believe in wearing tee shirts that represent awesome memories like an amazing concert, vacation, or sporting event in which one participated. But rando slogans purchased from Target, Old Navy, H&M….waste of money.

    1. Hi Susan, thank you so much for sharing that. I love that quote. so very true. You’re right – I’m with you on that — waste of money. Thanks for stopping by! big hugs x

  2. Amen! You tell ’em. I’ve had enough of the girl-bullies, too. Women are beautiful, charged with making the world a more beautiful place. Sounds very hippy-dippy, but it’s the truth. Men are our husbands,fathers,son,brothers, half the human race,and Jesus Christ said they were to die for. I try to remember that when I’m ready to strangle one. Men need love and grace, too 🙂

    1. haha thanks so much – yeah girl bullies…it just doesn’t sit well with me. You’re right! Not hippie-dippy at all! i agree! it’s just like the book, Captivating. Thanks for stopping by and for sharing this great food for thought. big hugs xo

      1. Captivating is like the best book ever for chicks who just feel like they should be something else. Def a great one!

  3. Thank you for having the courage to be real. As a man with three beautiful adult daughters I am encouraged! Take care 🙂

  4. Agree with this all the way! (BTW-Married for 27 years now with 4 sons and consider myself a feminist, a godly one.) Love your guts, girl, and not afraid to show it.

    1. Thanks so much CC — I’ll have to look up that verse. Yeah, kids today are receiving so many mixed messages. makes me worry. thanks for stopping by! big hugs x

  5. One downside of all this is that I honestly have more hesitation approaching women these days. At least outside of Montana.

    I’d like to just be my natural, trying-to-be-courteous self. But it seems different women are prepared to take different things all the wrong ways these days. Open a door for a woman and you’re chauvinist. Don’t open one and you’re rude. Drop a stray word and it will get interpreted all wrong based on the woman’s experience. Venture into a sociopolitically charged conversation with anything but the “right” response and you’re a ___________. Sometimes even TALK to one and I’ve “only got one thing on the brain”.

    Granted, these aren’t anywhere near the majority of encounters, but it’s still vexing. It’d be nice if we could just all relax, instead of dragging down civilization in an attempt to fix it.

    1. thanks for sharing this Brandon. Yeah, i can only imagine. I’m still all for chivalry, by the way 🙂 hehe don’t change!! you’ll find the right woman who will appreciate your gentlemanly ways 🙂 thanks for stopping by! hugs x

  6. Caralyn, this is the BEST post I think I’ve ever read on this subject. Thank you so much for putting it out there. I’m going to share this on my FB page and my blog. 🙂

    1. oh my gosh, Laura, thank you so much for this generous comment! i am so touched that you think so. and thanks for passing it along. it really means the world. hope you have a great night. big hugs x

  7. Wonderful post. Thank you for your honesty and courage to speak truth, regardless of how the world chooses to react to it. Both women and men should be held in high regard, as equals. Loved as Christ loves His church. Blessings be upon you.

  8. Yes! Thank you!! Support of femininity should not need to include devaluing masculinity! It’s like I tell my children, we need to all be on team human, and try to lift each other up, not tear other down.

  9. Amen! There is too much dissonance in the world today.~ thank you for pointing this out. Seriously why be obstinate when we can be generously amiable. “Be the change you want to see in the world” (some say Gandhi quoted this…others say he did not….. so whoever did I like the quote) Be of peace ~ love your blog! <3

  10. I like the way you can take on something with a vengeance and still make sense. Not everyone has that ability. And the passage about submission is sometimes misunderstood. We all submit in different ways in our lives as a choice. And we do it out of love for our Savior. Thanks again for a insightful post with some teeth. You speak the truth out of concern flavored with some frustration. But good mix. Keep writing I will keep reading. Blessings. John

  11. Amen! I worry greatly about the tone our society is setting, especially by making my group (or myself) feel better by belittling another group. That’s no way to share a sandbox. Thanks for having the courage to stand up and so eloquently state something I’m sure more than you might believe are thinking! Peace, Rich

  12. Loud applause coming from my corner of the continent! Kindness and class can go along ways in any arena. Thanks for such a true picture of what radical feminism SHOULD look like. Great post.

  13. Hello Pastor! You have written another thought provoking piece. I think it is about division….elements, with agenda’s on both side prefer we be divided as to not agree with the other side. Also, when will our entire church community accept and encourage women pastors and ministers? Equally capable and the benefit of adding a feminine perspective to the message. We lose half of our most valuable teachers not to mention how it affects their self esteem? Get a ministerial degree and a woman in a church can lead a small group or whatever, but can’t preach God’s Word? Thank you for sharing you!

    1. Hey Rick, maybe you can point out to some of your similarly gendered friends that in 1 Cor 12, God says that God gives honor to the parts of the body that otherwise lack honor, so that all the parts might recognize their need for each other. I bet if a few guys realized that God says they’re in charge because otherwise the Body would not value them, they’d pass on their leadership roles in a heartbeat.

  14. Absolutely Accurate !!! I applaud you for pointing to the bad behavior, language, t-shirts, and other forms of communication aimed at putting others down to uplift self. Bravo for writing this !!! Jan

  15. Fantastic post. I feel very much the same way you do about the angry feminist movement and how hostile it has become. I’m not very happy with this Patriarchal society but there are much better ways at dealing with it and accepting our femininity, and showing it to others in a kind, nurturing way.
    Thank you for this post 🙏

  16. AMEN SISTER!!! It always annoy me that people want to go on about wives submitting they forget the rest. My favorite is Ephesians. I prefer being a traditional feminist. Modern feminist don’t seem to understand that they are doing more harm than good.

  17. I’ve written about submission, in a Father’s Day Song Sunday piece. Women will be able to submit to their husbands, ONLY WHEN, their husbands, who are suppose to the head of the household, LIFT THEIR WIVES ABOVE THEMSELVES, as scripture says. (This is as aggressive as I get, no worries : ) ) There is a total divide between men, and women, and it shouldn’t be. Humans were created equal by the hands of God. Different roles? Sure. But there is so much more of a bigger picture going on. I actually like words on shirts/hoodies. But mine more so consist of Live, Laugh, Love, Blessed, or jokes about not having the time to care, and one I really like says, “Check your ego, amigo.” Haha! When we get defensive, and become offensive to others, however. No. It only creates more of a divide. I completely agree with you. Keep sharing your heart! You may lose some, but you will gain others. : ) I support you!

    1. Such great thoughts, TR. You’re right – there shouldn’t be that divide. we’re a partnership of equal parties. yes – that bigger picture. thanks for sharing love, big hugs x

  18. I agree with you completely! As a gay, married woman, I know about the struggle of being marginalized. However, I do not respect the aggression either–I feel that it reflects badly on women and turns us into the very thing we are fighting against. It makes men more prone to feel justified in their misogyny. And, it’s not sexy at all (which is what I think a lot of women are hoping for).

    1. thank you so much for sharing your thoughts, Lucia. Yeah, the aggression is what is concerning for sure. I totally agree! so glad you stopped by! have a beautiful evening! big hugs x

  19. Thank you for sharing. This verbalized much of what I thought/felt during the whole Women’s March on Washington. SO many of my friends went…and I just couldn’t get on board. That’s not who I am.
    Great blog. I look forward to reading more!

    1. oh gosh, Kristie, thank you so much for saying that. I’m so glad it resonated with you. I couldn’t agree more — it just wasn’t me. Thanks for stopping by. big hugs x

  20. Hey Caralyn. You keep getting more awesome all the time, speaking on topics that are important, but many don’t think of, or just let go.
    Besides the bottom line, I often wonder what the heads of these companies think that produce and sell these items. These shirts are so offensive even to see when walking down the street.
    Thank you Caralyn, for all the good you are doing, for sharing so much truth, morality, fairness with many on this might platform you have.
    I truly believe you have this large following because you speak truth, honesty, based on God’s Word, which you freely use without hiding it also. I believe God is inspiring you as you live and write, and guiding your mind and hand, because all you do draws people to Jesus Christ, and gives Glory to Jesus Christ, the Son of God. You don’t draw glory for yourself.
    Thank you Caralyn. God’s Abundant Blessings as you faithfully serve Him.
    Luv.
    George
    ❤❤⚘😀

    1. Oh gosh George that’s so kind of you to say. Thank you. I know – what are they thinking producing them!? I did a little research and it’s actually a lot of etsy shops that sell them. Thanks for such generous words George. You’re the best. Hugs and love xox

  21. Good post! I could not agree more. There was a time in history, where women truly had no rights. They could not vote nor work outside the home other than in some sort of servitude in the houses of the rich. These women had every right to protest and make their sufferings known. They won many rights for us all, though they endured many sufferings to do so. But today’s woman:

    Puh-lease!!!!!!!!!! I hate it when they get up and say, “I speak for ALL women.” There is not a one of them who has ever spoken for me, as I am #1. from the south #2. I think for myself #3. I speak for myself and never in my life have I ever needed one dat-blasted person to “speak for me.” #4. Being from the south and being raised with cattle, horses, etc… I know everything in life is not handed to us on a silver platter. I mean I actually know where food and water come from and it is not on a grocery store shelf.

    I think some women are doing more to hurt this nation and family values, then I have ever seen in my whole life. The picture of the little girl shooting the finger proves it. What parent would teach a little one something like that and then take a picture of it??? Surely not one in their right mind!!!

    We are to be “help mates” to our husbands. My Mom was. She milked cattle, fed calves and hogs, so did us kids. We all helped Daddy. You know what, they raised good kids. Not perfect ones but good ones. We raised good kids, and our kids are raising good kids. It is not about anyone being superior to anyone else on earth, because of our gender. To me it is all just crazy. Good post and thanks for doing it. How is your Mom? Love you and God Bless, SR

    1. Thanks so much for this thoughtful response SR. you’re so right – those voices do not represent all women – that’s for sure. Great food for thought here. Thank you. And thanks for asking about my mom – that’s so kind of you. She’s doing great 🙂 she’s my hero. Hugs and love xox

  22. I TOTALLY agree with you. “Do unto others”…if you want people to treat you with respect and bestow upon you the honor and diginity you deserve, TAKE THE HIGH ROAD! You start treating others that way FIRST! Yes, there was a time when women’s choices were limited, and men took advantage of our vulnerable position, but we have moved beyond that, and the pendulum has swung WAY too far. As a matter of fact, in this case, the pendulum has broken loose and is hurtling through space, destroying everything in its path. The angry behaviour and outbursts are making it so much worse for ALL OF US!! It’s time, ladies, to reel it back in, bring it back to the center, and start acting with class. Let’s show the self-righteously angry, loose-lipped, out-of-control folk how to behave!

  23. Here we go: THANK YOU!!! And “I am sorry” because now you got ME up on my soap box!

    Do you know that for the longest time (and sometimes still!) I introduce myself as an anti-feminist? WHY? Because I am sick and tired of a bunch of man-hating, hostile people (I refuse to call them “feminists” because they clearly do not know the meaning of the term!) have taken the feminist movement hostage and are abusing it and twisting it into something that at best, can be described as “a strive for gender neutrality”. But in many cases unfortunately turns into nothing else than “man hating” and actual persecution of all men as “monsters” or as in the case of a Swedish feminist extremist movement about a decade ago, coined the slogan “men are animals”.

    It appalls and disgust me. And quite frankly, it is those types of “feminists” that set the rest of us back decades, because your marching down the streets complaining that you are so mistreated, only makes the rest of us (I beg to argue we are the majority) who do not feel victimized and spend all our time complaining about how mistreated we are, look like victims too. We who instead assert ourselves as if we were the equals every sane man or woman know that we are, and just deal with it! And take our own responsibility to create our destiny and make our future.

    Ok, that’s it. I’ll better stop there before I get murdered by a bunch of hard-core man-hating people who are offended because some of us refuse to be the victim…..

      1. You are most welcome! Happy to see there’s another strong woman out there who dares speak up against this! Maybe we can “reclaim feminism” at some point…?!

      2. And it is always so great to “talk” to you! Thanks for reading my blog and for writing still! How’s the running going? 🙂
        xox

  24. From an article I posted on 7/23: “I was browsing around the bookstore this evening and saw some new titles. One title was “You are a Badass; How to Stop Doubting Your Greatness and Start Living an Awesome Life.”

    First, language people! This was on the New Arrivals shelf maybe 20 feet inside the door. Kids see this stuff! Is this how we want them…EVERYONE talking all of the time?

    The other book I saw was even worse: “The Subtle Art of not giving a F****.” Except it was spelled out with a dirty ink splotch instead of the vowel. Once more; language, people!

    If that’s the best this clown can do with a title, what would make me trust that there’s anything subtle anywhere in this book?”

    *sigh*

    Preach it, girl!

  25. As always, I so appreciate the way you address such big issues with boldness! I’ve preached on Colossians 3:18-19ff. I’d have to do some digging to remember what all I said I the sermon, but I recall focusing on the instruction given to the man – the Greek word is agapaho, which does mean to love someone dearly. It, of course, comes for the Greek word agape, which refers to a specific kind of love – the love God demonstrates for God’s beloved, Gods creation. I am in total agreement with you that Paul is urging husbands and wives to be mutually loving, supportive, and encouraging to their spouse. Wives have a great opportunity to believe in their husbands! But, I always like to stress to husbands (and wives) the great blessing they are given to reveal God’s love to their spouse.

  26. That was incredibly awesome. I tip my hat to you, if I’m ever in New York, I would love the opportunity to make your acquaintance versus reading some of your great stuff!

  27. If the only way you can think to build yourself up is by tearing someone else down you are not very big to begin with. That is what bullying is. Feminists have been at war not with men but with God. In the Garden after the fall God told the woman that part of her nature from then on would be a desire to dominate her husband, and all men. So your fight is not with me, not that it does any good. But feminest ladies your fight is with God and authority in general.

  28. shhh don’t tell anyone but I do get a bit sweary now and again. I turned 40 and found my “voice” as a person. Yeah, I get it’s not pretty so like chocolate cake, I’m trying to cut back. Really I am. Mostly I don’t but sometimes the sweari-ness washes over me and the words rush out so quickly they can’t be stopped.
    <3

    1. hahah thanks Teri – yeah, I’m afraid I do too!! eek! like chocolate cake…hahah you’ve got me in stitches over here. thanks for reading, and for making my day! hugs x

  29. Well expressed Truth! This is a marvelous post!

    When I was ever so much younger, I had a habitual bad language problem. I suppose I thought it made me seem more mature when I took it up. Thank God I was delivered from it. Someone pointed out to me that swearing is a crutch used by those incapable of realizing that the real power of of communication is in bringing the language to bear to express oneself in no uncertain terms (like you have done here).

  30. THANK you! Thank you for your words. You have said exactly what I’ve been thinking, but didn’t dare express, because I just wouldn’t do it with the grace needed. But I feel that you have. Thank you thank you thank you!! Now how do we get this post to go viral??!!

    1. oh my gosh thank you so much Laurie!!! i’m so glad this was speakin’ ya language!! 🙂 haha i don’t know! i guess share share share!! heheh 🙂 thanks for stopping by! hugs xo

  31. Thanks. The current anti-men environment that passes as feminism is so destructive to society. Sadly that segment if our society given over to secular and atheistic ideals will never understand the Judeo- Christian model where men and women value, dare I say love, each other. As Catholics, we know we were made to love and serve God,

  32. I LOVE this!!!! So well said! I just bought a workout top that says “Radiate Positive Vibes” – Radiate some Jesus and spread some good girl power and love! Thank you for this blog!!

  33. Reblogged this on GOOD NEWS GOSPELS and commented:
    I love this post. I have reblogged it. It’s the very first one I have reblogged . Your right. I wish I can hit the like button like 50 different times. Send this post in to the New Yorker minus the finger gesture. Love ya and your writing too.

  34. Bingo! Love what you wrote, in fact in corporate world we women are being belittled. We have to work harder to prove that we are of equal skills and experience. Why do we need to work harder to prove? As an Asian women, we not only work in the office what about home? House chores should be equal too, am I right?

  35. THANk YOU for this. It’s SO refreshing to finally read this perspective. As a mother to Little’s who can actually read these shirts, and a woman who is in shock and dismay at the polarization that has ensued among us-it’s about time more woman spoke up advocating better ways! Of course, I get that hard battles need to be fought sometimes, and that right now there are some very important topics on the debate stage. But I don’t recall any of the greats (Martin Luther King, jr. comes to mind) acting in Such verbally or physically abusive ways in their fight for equal rights. I certainly couldn’t imagine him wearing a shirt like these. You can’t preach love and kindness while wearing most of them, or holding some of these signs. You just can’t. AnywAy-thank YOU. Here’s praying we can find a way past it to a brighter future.

    1. Thanks so much Laura. I really appreciate your kind words. Gosh I can’t imagine how difficult that is to navigate with your little one. You’re right- those greats lead by example with dignity. I’ll join you in that prayer. Hugs and love xox

  36. Yes!! I love this. There is a lot of “feminism=vulgarity” these days that I just cannot get behind. Since when did behaving with dignity become a mark of shame? Not all behaviors are dignified and yes, there *is* a point where dignity in behavior is less subjective and more objective. Anyway, thanks for this post! Loved it.

  37. Bravo! Was just discussing this very topic with somebody earlier today. In the frenetic race for equality that women are embarked upon, there is so much emphasis on the things they can do just as well as men, that they are forgetting the things they can do that men cannot.
    This obsession for sameness is robbing them of their uniqueness.

      1. Sorry, I’m far too ancient to ask you the question I was going to ask you, and it’s not something that you, of all people, should be asked in jest. I’m certain that someone will ask it of you some day, with an open heart and a full expectation that all of life’s joys will shared between you.

      2. Oh, dear lady, if only men knew what beauty lies cloaked inside of you, they would lay down their kingdoms to serve the life you harbor. Please, have pity on your servant!

  38. Oh my gosh, I LOVE THIS POST, like holy crap! Its so good! Get em fam! Get em on that bullying! But let’s be honest us men need to stop being bullies towards women. What I love about Jesus is that He valued and elevated women. Thanks for sharing this, keep going my friend!! 😀🤘🏽🔥🙌🏽👊🏽❤️
    Keep bringing it, YOU DA BEST!!

  39. You say it girl! I think we’re just going away from the ACTUAL spirit of feminism. What about the women who actually need us? When did feminism start meaning man hating?!

  40. YYYAAASSS girl, preach! Women need to understand and get their facts right first before fighting for something they’re not even clear about. Men and women are a team, and a team consists of members that make up each others strengths and weaknesses. Sending love! xo

  41. A scene in Bambi comes to mind as I read the blog, when Thumper is reminded by his mother that if he doesn’t have anything nice to say it is better to say nothing at all.
    Freedom of expression comes with responsibilities and there have to be boundaries. Just because something can be said doesn’t mean it should be or that it is right.
    The words of Ro 12:18 “If it be possible, as much as in you lieth, be at peace with all men”.[the Greek word isn’t gender limiting or specific]
    Hate speech is a part of everyday life and anyone who holds a different opinion has to expect to be ridiculed and insulted. So how about taking a lesson from the bible account of Job – that we make a covenant with our eyes (in this instance not to be offended by the rhetoric or better still not to read the slogans).
    Justice remains in the hands of God so we answer for our own errors.
    The indignation is brilliant, words on a shirt aren’t spitting, slapping, beating or the precursor to murder, they are words on the shirt of someone who feels they have become a victim.

      1. Sorry Mark!! I just saw the handle and went with that, so sorry!! 🙂 eek!! well, it’s nice to officially make your acquaintance, friend 🙂 hehe

  42. This was refreshing. It’s incredibly encouraging to see that some women get it, understand that bringing men down to elevate women is just as bad as men bringing down women to elevate men. Sure, maybe that’s a minority voice right now, but this fills me with hope. As a guy, you never know where a woman will stand with regards to this vile, vitriolic feminism that is currently sweeping the world and it actually can really damage really rewarding relationships and friendships. Thank you so much C, keep it up. Continually praying for you and yours 🙂

  43. So much yes!! This world is so confusing.. men deserve some love too. Fantastic post ❤️❤️❤️

  44. AMEN!!! If I could write that louder I would. Can I add a fist pump and a “WOO WOO WOO”? lol. I couldn’t have said it better. I am a single mom to a wonderful 13-year-old young man. I HATE how boys are being belittled and losing their own identity because of the bullying through feminism in this day and age. It breaks my heart when my son doesn’t understand why he gets treated with hostility sometimes. It’s just so wrong. I want my son to respect women and celebrate the differences in both men and women. Don’t “angry women” realize they are the very cause for male chauvinism at times? It goes either way. Angry women=equally angry men and vice versa. I guess that’s why it’s so important for every person individually to take stock in their own reasons and agenda. After all, we’re all responsible for our own actions but we can’t be responsible for how others react.
    Once again, THANK YOU! You are AWESOME! I’m not just saying that 🙂
    Blessings,
    Carol

    1. hahaha thank you so much Carol!! Yay for fist pumps! 🙂 gosh, I can’t imagine the difficulties you’re facing raising a young man in this cultural climate today. i will definitely keep him and you in my prayers! it’s so hard when society is literally screaming so much crap in your ears! sounds like he’s got a great mom to keep him grounded in the truth 🙂 thanks for this awesome perspective. you rock friend 🙂 Hugs and love xox

  45. Loved this post too. Agree with everything you said. I’m of the same opinion. As Bano Qudsia, the late Pakistani writer once said: We are against cruelty. Wether it is against a woman or a man, we all get together and fight against it. Stay blessed lovely one.

  46. Yes to this entire post. It’s something I rant about on the regular.
    As the mother of two boys, I despise the hostility because I don’t want them feeling like there’s something wrong with them just because they’re male.
    As the mother of a girl, I fear how society will interfere with my own instruction on what it means to be a woman.

    1. thanks so much, Lee. Gosh, bringing up kids in todays cultural climate – i can’t imagine the difficulties you’re facing. it sounds like your kids are really lucky to have such a rockstar mom to keep them on the right path 🙂 thanks for sharing that. big hugs x

  47. Girl! Thank you so much for saying this. It takes guts, but being a true disciple for Jesus is risky these days. Thanks for being a beacon of His beauty and grace in a world that is increasingly ugly. xoxo

    1. aw thanks you so much! 🙂 that seriously means a lot. yeah, we’re living in strange times. but luckily God won’t leave us out to dry 🙂 Thanks for the kind words. Hugs and love xox

  48. A student once asked me, outside of academia I should stress, how men could help the cause of feminism. I said the best most men could strive for is to not be a d**k in the way they treat people, regardless of gender. If we all stood by treating people with compassion we wouldn’t need all the isms of the world.

    1. haha – I don’t mean to laugh but that was a great response!!! you’re so right – we all need to treat every single person with compassion and respect. that would definitely solve our ism problems. thanks for this awesome perspective. Hugs and love xox

    1. thanks so much Amy! It sounds like your daughters are lucky to have such a great mom to keep them grounded in the truth 🙂 so glad you stopped by 🙂 Hugs and love xox

  49. I totally agree with you nowadays if someone is a feminist that mean they are cool and amazing . Now the definition of feminism went from being equal to destroying the other gender !! I even wrote a blog about how we need to treat each other as humans and not male or female I am soo happy that there is someone who actually understand

  50. Cruel is cruel. If the same shirts were being worn by people that the group of women you wrote about did not agree with, they would be just as upset, as they should be. The double standard needs to be pointed out. Thank you for doing that.

  51. I agree with not getting ugly to make a point. Putting down others to make yourself look bigger only makes you smaller. I abhor the nastiness of all this hatefulness and backbiting. It’s of no value. But I do agree, standing up for ourselves takes guts and sometimes a force to be heard. Whether male or female. Great change for the greater good has never come easily. Tho I do feel we can be better served with love and respect. Thanks for sharing.

  52. Amen! I alway felt like the way marriage should be is as a team, as the husband takes care of the wive financially but the wive takes care of the husband emotionally. Nobody is better then one another in this world! We all want to be treated with respect so we need to show others we can respect! Thank you for writing this much needed to be heard post! 😊❤️

  53. Reblogged this on Life with Ayla and commented:
    This post is a much needed to heard post! We all want respect so we should give others respect no matter who, what, or where they are! God said to love thy enemies, Do it for Jesus not just yourself 😊❤️🙏

  54. Am so glad your Mom is doing okay. Keeping her in my prayers as well as the rest of your family. Love you and God Bless, SR

  55. I think this is really well thought out. I agree: extremism on either side (of ANY argument) doesn’t help either side and leads to further prejudices.

  56. This is so valid. I appreciate you calling it out and honoring both why women feel the need to do that and also calling for a correction to the behavior.

  57. Hi There! You recently read or at least liked my new post. 🙂 and I wanted to tell you how much I have connected with your blog, your honesty, the way you communicate, and how you do it. Beauty Beyond Bones has touched me in a deeper way as I have been exploring, through my own recent process of another layer of healing that God has me working through, how to share my voice. It’s been a struggle and a frustrating process to creatively express those thoughts, feelings, and emotions within me.  With all that said! haha I found in my last post that I was able to express myself better and I really enjoyed using giffs and other photos, like you do, to convey something that words often cannot. The way you structure your blog posts similarly has inspired me to do the same. Not that other people don’t, but your specifically has spoken to me. However, I never asked your permission to do so in my own blog and wanted to ask your permission if that’s OK?  I don’t want to infringe on any type of copyright laws and I want to respect you and your expression. Not that I am copying your material or any photos or anything like that, but in terms of how your blog is formatted. Does that make sense? I wanted to open communication and be mindful of not taking away or impinging on the way you communicate through how I communicate publicly.  Thank you for your time and thank you for continuing to share your heart so openly.  Best Regards, Nathalie Nathalie SelleslagsMSW Candidate 2018University of Southern California,Suzanne Dworak-Peck School of Social Work 

  58. Thank you for this. I have always felt uncomfortable with calling myself a feminist because there seemed to be so much anger, hostility, and even hatred behind it. And I’m all for people standing up for themselves and voicing their opinion, but it’s definitely possible to do so in both a firm and mature way. No one is going to want to hear (or in the case of a t-shirt, read) a message if it’s constantly vulgar, and no one will hear it beyond screaming and yelling.

    And I also love how you say that men and women are a team, and that we should be building each other up and motivating one another, rather than constantly trying to prove that one is better than the other. We are all made in the image of God, and we are all loved by God.

    -Alyx

    1. Thanks so much Alyx. I agree- there’s definitely a way to express ones beliefs with respect without having to undercut people or use vulgarity. And thanks for your kind words 🙂 yes! Let’s build one another up in love! Hugs and love xox

  59. I can imagine how you feel seeing those evil messages that now pass as some form of justice. Feminism is just another chapter of how anger and hatred are widespread in society. We need to make sure love doesn’t cool off in our hearts. God’s grace is where we get that assurance. I met a friend of a friend the other say and she reminded me of how negative and bitter people can be. Even though it isn’t easy and hurts to be sensitive to the truths of this world, I feel very grateful because God gives me strength and shows me a way of love and peace that is the only reason why this world doesn’t turn me into a zombie!

  60. Big YES to your blog today Carolyn! No need for women to ‘ape’ men and try to out do them in vulgarity and nastiness to other human beings …

  61. What a refreshing perspective. It’s a shame that so many think that they have to tear others down to get ahead. What if we all started helping one another achieve each other’s goals? Everyone wins, and no one is cut down in the process. Keep up the good work!

  62. So I generally love most of your posts, but I have a couple questions here. 1. How is wearing a shirt that says “No uterus, no opinion” or “Not your p*ssy” tearing down men? I for one don’t like men passing laws about my reproductive organs or rights without consulting my gender as a whole first; but completely ignoring that fact, it’s NOT “his” p*ssy and men don’t have uteruses. And I don’t see us going around regulating their reproductive organs. Even the “F**king nasty b**ch” shirt is meant to mean the person wearing it is calling THEMSELVES that, so again I don’t understand how you think this is an act of aggression or emasculation towards men. Could you explain your viewpoint to me?

    I know that some people have gone too far over the line with being “feminist” and end up embodying misandry, but I don’t think these shirts are an example of that. Either way, I think all women (who choose to be a part of the feminist movement) have the right to represent their beliefs and their sense of empowerment in whatever way they see fit. Most of the women I know who are raging feminists have no desire to put men down, they just want to stop the men who put women down and they want to be treated as equals. If we view THAT as tearing men down then I’m of the opinion that THAT is what patriarchy turned inward looks like.

    Maybe the shirts are a offensive to some but they offend me a lot less than the ones that say “Get in the kitchen” or “Make me a sandwich” or “Trump that B*tch” or better yet, “Better to grab a p*ssy than to be one”. Just my thoughts. As always, thank you for sharing though. ❤️

    1. Thank you so much for this perspective. definitely some powerful food for thought here. These shirts show just the aggressive and hostile tone that the movement has taken that I don’t appreciate. The sentiments behind the profanities are definitely something that I can understand and get behind, but I just think there’s a higher road to take, that’s all. but that’s just my opinion. i absolutely love hearing all opinions and viewpoints and I appreciate learning new things from everyone, so thank you for sharing this! You’ve definitely given me a lot to think about! have a great night 🙂 hugs xo

  63. Wow! This is an excellent post. Me being a man, I may get some flack on what I’m about to say. Feminism and Chauvinism has no place in God’s kingdom. Those are satanic ideals. See some of the “isms” in the world come from satanism. God created man and woman. While we are equal in nature, God created men to have a lead role in the home and church. Ephesians 5:22-23, 24: ” (22) Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.
    (23) For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. (25) Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;” Men ought to love their wives so much they’d be willing to die for them like Christ died for us.

    Men are to “lead” in a Christ like manner, but not be domineering or controlling or disrespectful or abusive or etc. Anyone remembers when Jesus washed the disciples’ feet? The disciples were arguing over which of them will be greatest in heaven. Christ used that moment to teach them humility. See we look at the world’s view of leadership as leadership. It’s not the same as God’s view of leadership. The world teaches to be bossy, demanding, domineering, and controlling. Christ teaches the opposite. So when anyone see the word “submit” in scripture, it’s not a bad thing. Remember this, Christ is equal to God the Father in nature yet He submits to the authority of God the Father. This should be the attitude of both men & women.

    If we were to submit to God fully, then everything else falls into place. Before I go, one quick example of feminism in the bible, what Eve did. Remember she ate of the tree. That’s feminism. She not only disobeyed God, but did not follow her husband. Adam was guilty because he allowed it to happen, let his wife lead, and also ate. Sorry for being long. I thank you for posting this. You are wise beyond your years. Have a blessed day.

  64. I loved this post and I absolutely agree with you. This vehement anger and hatred spurred on by the human ego to divide us will only continue to do just that. If we want to live in a world where there is peace, love, respect, and equality we are going to have to start listening to and acting out of the spirit – the opposite of the ego. Ego is selfish and self-centered, materialistic, looks out for number one, and divides/separates. It is from the human mind and is the enemy, and it is all in our head. If we begin to change our thinking and see and think with spiritual eyes and then start acting on it we will see all of this hateful division and nonsense dissipate. When we see people treating one another (or themselves) with disdain or disrespect we have to remember that it is not who they are, it is their ego that is acting this out. Who we truly are is Spirit and we are all one. We are all connected. And eventually we will all come to know it. Thank you for this great post and something important to think about. I have two teenage daughters and I am teaching them the very things you wrote about today. I believe it is important for ladies like us to try to positively impact the generations to come.

  65. 100% agree with you! Thanks for another brilliant piece! I’ve never read writings with biblical quotes with this positive vibe I’m having now. Thanks!

  66. This post brings up mixed feelings for me. The title and the first line made me think, Uh oh! When you named specific examples, though, I was like, Are these real? Most of those are extreme and offensive and over the top. You’d be a pariah in South Carolina for wearing that, but in New York? You have to shock people to get noticed. Just saying.
    But you didn’t throw shade at Beyonce, did you? Don’t be dissin’ Queen Bee, now.
    Seriously, though, as a man, I’m not offended by “Who run the world?” as a T-shirt or a song. From the beginning of human civilization, men have conspired to keep themselves in charge and have created legal and political systems to make women possessions of men. If some women want to turn the tables after ten thousand years, I have no right to complain.
    For the record, I am on board with the idea of equality between men and women. I’ve studied a lot about Christian history and come to the conclusion that Jesus tried to move us toward that. The Bible says male and female were made equally in God’s image, but by his time people had lost sight of that. It’s all the more remarkable how he included women in all levels of his community of followers when the world was dominated by three patriarchal cultures—Roman, Jewish, and Greek. Unfortunately, the church over time reverted back to patriarchalism, conforming to the world rather than transforming it.
    I think we are now at a time when we can reclaim the equality and balance between masculine and feminine God originally intended, in the church and society at large. But we have to recognize it’s an uphill march. Patriarchy and misogyny have thousands of years of momentum, and even in America we are moving against the flow. Let us not grow weary in living what we believe. To change people’s hearts and minds, it’s going to take an “army” of men and women who live the equality we preach, while recognizing and appreciating our differences.
    I know I’ve talked a long time, but let me end with this. Early in our relationship, my fiancé said something about the man leading in order to model God as Father.
    Me: So are you saying if we get married, you expect me to be your leader?
    Her: I don’t know about that. You’d have your hands full.
    Let’s just say she knows she’s equal to me, and I love her for it.

  67. What you’re talking about here is misandry, “man-hating.” It makes me sad and angry that people with loud voices distract from the real work of feminism, which is to call for and support the economic, social and legal equality of men and women. Millions of women around the world suffer abuse and debumanization every day. Feminism is supposed to be about addressing and correcting injustice, not kitschy t-shirts and hating on the dudes.

  68. I agree totally, feminism gone too far, so far that now I’m seeing more and more men who can’t make the hard decisions, especially when disciplining their children. We are emasculating the male species and that is so wrong. Yes, it should be a partnership, one that encompasses both the male and female perspectives. I hate commercials in the media that portray men as idiots. Words are very powerful, the saying that sticks and stones break bones and that words will never break us, is a fallacy. Words can be so powerful that they can destroy or uplift. I’d like to think that we can be positive and uplift as many people as possible instead of bringing them down. Shame on the creators of such T_shirts who have no standards, no morals, no God in them, no idea as to how deep and far reaching their words can be. What kind of a society are we building? Say No to such rubbish!

  69. A-men! Although I admit I’m a ‘Life is Good’ t-shirt wearing gal, but with things that remind me of the life I want to live. The kayak at sunset for happy hour, the flowers that show me life is colorful, things that are uplifting for me 🙂 But I did rant about this on FB on National Women’s Day. Why are angry feminists treating men as though they’re evil? Ever been loved by a man? He will bend over backwards for your happiness! He will be in awe of you and how you think of others and care for others. He will be so grateful to you for making him a better person. What these angry feminists need to understand is hate is weak, not strong. It takes a strong woman to have valuable relationships and also to value herself in all situations, and to learn how to advocate for herself. Women are awesome and to be celebrated, but never at the expense of men. Great post.

  70. Very well-said, as usual. Your perception of the current climate is right on! Thank you for being willing to stand up as a voice of balance in a crazy world. Your words honor the Lord — and cherish both women AND men. M. A.

  71. One of the terrible things with these shirts is a lot of men and women get caught up in how funny or cool they think the shirt is they don’t even really realize the terrible message they are spreading

  72. One thing I’ve always noted was in the scripture it says, “Love your Wives as Christ so loved the church.” Interesting fact. Christ literally died for the church. So Husband should love their wives enough to sacrifice EVERYTHING for them. A man’s job is to make his wife feel secure, safe, and be the spiritual head of the household. Leading by example and showing himself as a GodFearing Godly man. We have different rolls to play in this world, but that’s why it says in Scripture to get married is to be of one body. Two halves being cleaved together.

    I loved this post.

    1. Thanks so much. I’m so glad it hit home with you. Yes! When you look at the sacrificial love of Christ, it really puts a lot of things in perspective. Thanks for stopping by. Hugs and love xox

  73. YES EXACTLY. I have always considered myself a feminist but I don’t fit in with the others due to feeling that equality means literally that. I don’t feel we need to rip men to shreads for being male nor be obscene. My college did The Vagina Monologue I remember. I refused to take part or go watch. I am feminist while married and feel my husband is my equal. Sure I cook but he cooks too. We split up who does what job in the house. This is feminism. Love love love this post.

  74. One of the other reasons that your favorite verses from Colossians and 1 Peter get bad press is that they use *gasp* DIFFERENT words to describe the husband and wife roles toward one other. Translations vary but it’s usually something like women obey and men love. But as you said in your original post, men and women are different; thus the relational roles we take toward one another are different. And as thearrowpreacher commented about 6 hours ago, the two-street is a complementary picture of the mutual love of Christ & Church.

    But your mother’s line about spouses helping each other get to heaven is a good one; I should remember that. Thanks for sharing!

  75. I LOVE everything about this post! Thank you for the reminder that we are made for MUCH more than being “nasty women” and that we are so precious in the eyes of our Creator. I really feel like Catholics are the original proponents of empowering women (Blessed Virgin Mary, pray for us!) and we need to reclaim authentic feminism. 🙂

  76. I so agree with you. I have been saddened by the vitriol not only portrayed on shirts but also on blogs, FB, Twitter, Instagram, etc. It’s like everyone has decided they have a free pass to say and’or do whatever they want.
    Thanks for the post.
    Blessings~

  77. Your words are so true. Strong message you have shared here. I have friends and cousins that just… well… have that type of clothing and believe in those statements, thereby attempting to live by those standards as well. I will be honest with you: The only shirts I ever have made are spiritual shirts such as a prayer from the bible whenever I have a chance to have one done. Again, very insightful message and I enjoyed it. 🙂

  78. Marriage is for lunaticks. Battle of the sexes. Let the fight begin. Honestly, Beauty or Caralyn, whatever you call yourself and when, I think you started it. I think everybody’s following your example. The only way to tame a shrew is to give her too much to chew. Gossip, Rumors, Spite, and Brittle, All their hours filled with spittle. Names they mark, and names they name. Names to them are just a game. Bloggers are gossips, and gossips are bloggers. Now the world is filled with blogger blogger chitter chatter. Marks and tags and likes and stares. Everybody loves a gossip’s juicy wares. Just don’t become the topic of the gossip. Don’t become the topic of the gossip’s tongue. Like cows chewin cud, And we eat the meat cuz it tastes so good. We love the meat cuz it tastes so good. All we really want anymore is war, anyway. Don’t you agree? The poison is the cure. The difference is fear. Or am I wrong?

  79. I remember when men respected women and women respected men. There was no feeling in my era and where I was brought up that one was superior to the other. We were just family and both the man and the woman loved and nurtured their children. We don’t live in that world today. Our country leaders on any continent are not role models and the life style they’ve demonstrated over the years has slowly destroyed the moral fabric of the West in particular. I understand your blog, unfortunately the downward spiral will continue until like ancient Rome democracy will be replaced by the dog eat dog take over of the powerful few with resources to enslave the rest and there will be no access to name shirts because we will all be scraping to survive and have no money for such nonsense.

    1. Hey Ian, thanks for this reflection. I wish we could go back to the time of relationships with mutual respect. You’re so right – the society has become toxic in all realms. We’ve gotta spread the love. Hugs and love xox

  80. Hey there BBB, I enjoyed your post. My wife and I see eye-to-eye with you on treating each other with love, honor, and respect. Neither is called to lord authority over the other, but each to serve. So awesome to receive that encouragement from you today. Thanks.

  81. Beautiful post! I see the ‘weird’ shirts with ‘demeaning slogans and still don’t get it. A strong woman would never call herself a b****h in the weird assumption she is being feminist. Thank you for this post. 😘

  82. It is true we are equal buh God gave one the position of leadership…I think that marks a difference. We are equal buh different. Please, tell them beautybeyondbones. Keep flying…

  83. A big problem with change is violent ideologies. My mother, right, she used to say if I ever married a white woman. She’d never speak to me again. She transferred the pain of being Native maybe like women do with feminism. I bring up race because the feminist fight appears as racism in its more violent forms.

    I’m unsure how a safe dialogue is formed especially, on the internet when everyone is screaming for attention.

      1. All the ‘isms and ‘ists really point towards an unequal America. I think once that’s understood real change will occur. When the tribalism takes shape as an active voice for positive and lasting change. This, inequality was what created what we have now. If, we were responsible citizens we would not have reality TV and the face of media would change.

      2. Ok. One more. My friend was working on the iZombie show. I just started drawing again and drew this fifties housewife and her caption was “God loves you but, he’s had better.” I sent it to my friend and he made me a t-shirt with it. I don’t know. It was my bad art for the moment. Lol

  84. Feminists are angry, feminists are bullies. They are activists for a cause which goes in the tradition of “a tooth for a tooth”. A wise woman knows better. They say women will save the world. Yeah, but not the feminist kind. Very glad you’re standing up on this issue. I thought you would. Go make some more waves, you have the followers to spread the good news.

  85. I think you have hit the nail on the head. Bullying is bullying. It’s the emotion that matters, not the rationalization. On the other hand, women have been squelched for a long, long time and maybe the current reaction against men is part of the long evolutionary process. As always, enjoy your writing. Nice to see your “scholarly” side in the photo. 😉 It’s a good look for you.

  86. Wow. Truth be told, I’m always a little wary when it comes to political stances or anything related to the sort, but I gave your piece a read and I have to say it was pleasantly surprising. As a man, I think all women should read your post!

    1. Thanks again! Same here, I usually shy away from anything political or fiercely polarizing. But I saw one of those shirts and there were kids around and I just had to write about it. Thanks for the support! Hugs and love xox

  87. What would be really cool is if we were to stop Fighting for our rights and begin Working toward our goals in a more peaceful, loving fashion. Just because the current political climate is pretty hideous doesn’t mean we have to go along and make it worse. The America in which I grew up was far different. I’m hoping the pendulum has swung as far as it can go in this direction. I Believe better times are ahead!

  88. Society has gone to a strange place. Unlike anything I’ve seen in my lifetime. A house divided against itself… The Liberal Left really doesn’t have a platform of their own, per se, at least a positive and constructive one, so they’ve built a make-shift platform of tearing others down. Isn’t that always the way of it—that the people with the least to say always seem to say the most, the loudest? ~ What you’ve said needs to be said. As a guy, I appreciate it. As a proud American, I appreciate it. Thank you.

  89. Well said, BBB! I could probably give a good rant about this topic since I share your sentiments, but I think I’d rather spare you and the comments section instead lol But, yes, men and women need each other. Period. It’s the way God designed it to be. Men and women bring the best out of each other, and complement one another. Therefore, we should be celebrating each other’s strengths and unique God-given gifts, not demoralizing or tearing each other down.

    Anyway, good post, BBB. Keep up the good work! God bless!

  90. Bravo — this is fantastic! I have many friends who claim to be feminists, and sometimes I do feel they celebrate this aggression. And it’s simply not cool. Men and women were designed to be Ying and Yang, and I totally agree that feminism seems to be missing that. I’m totally sharing this, there are many people in my life that I think would benefit from seeing this!!

    1. thanks so much friend! I’m so glad this resonated with you. You’re right – the aggression and anger is definitely not cool. And I like that! They’re a team 🙂 big hugs x

  91. It’s exciting how many people show to say they have the same position as you. Clear where you are on the issue. How terrific that you have a deft point of view and it resonates!

  92. This is an outstanding article. Being a man the one thing that causes failure today in the male/female relationship is showing the LOVE of God to each other.
    John 13:34-35 (NASB)
    34 “A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another, even as I have loved you, that you also love one another. 35 “By this all men will know that you are My disciples if you have love for one another.”

  93. As a feminist, and a bloke, I do agree there is an era of BuzzFeed styled new wave feminism which is often belligerent, hypocritical, and consequently more counterproductive than anything else. It’s turned into rampant hatred and prejudice (the very things feminism first tried to stamp out), although I do think a lot of men behave themselves disgracefully (online and offline), which confuses the matter further. It startles me how often people forget decent behaviour – I’m not religious, but a little bit of effort is all it takes to treat people in a courteous manner. It’s really not very difficult.

    If you read Simone de Beauvoir’s the Second Sex, trailblazing feminist that she was, she called out this inter-gender bickering from her era as pointless. Seems like many haven’t learned from this, unfortunately.