If you’re reading this, I’d like to welcome you and give you a hug.

Maybe you’re the parent or loved one of someone suffering with an eating disorder. Perhaps you’re in the throes of anorexia yourself. Maybe you think you may have the beginning stages of disordered eating. Or perhaps you’re on the journey to recovery.

Whatever has brought you here, I hope that through the story of my brokenness, and redemption through the Lord, you are able to find hope, encouragement, advice, healing, support, and comfort.

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This blog chronicles my journey from severe anorexia to recovery, and every twist and turn along the way. The blog posts are meant to be read from beginning to end, as a book. (( Glorious Wounds is the Introduction.)) So I would suggest reading “up” — starting from my oldest post, and working backwards to the most recent. This is my first post.

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I must warn you that the beginning is very dark — intense, raw, and despairing. It is an uncensored view into my mind when I was deep in my anorexia. However, I chose to be vulnerable and share that utter brokenness — that wreckage — in order for you to truly grasp the gravity of the disease, and how sincerely meaningful freedom through Christ has been in my life.

I also hope that you’ll find the resources section of my blog helpful. If you or a loved one is suffering with disordered eating habits, please seek professional help.

With that being said, I am not a doctor. I’m not a therapist, dietician, counselor, psychiatrist, etc. I’m just a girl. Who had a severe case of anorexia. And who is journeying through recovery, one day at a time. I’m just sharing my story with the hopes that it will help even one person.

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***To get a copy of my book, Bloom: A Journal by BeautyBeyondBones, click here! 

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A big thank you to my new sponsor, BetterHelp Online Therapy.  Speak with an online therapist. Or check out content about eating disorders from BetterHelp.

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2,012 thoughts on “Read This First”

  3. I’ve just watched a couple of your videos on YouTube as well as read a half dozen of your posts. I’ve noticed that you have liked several of my posts so I figured I’d go check out your blog and boy am I glad I did. I tend to ramble a lot so I’ll just make this short and sweet. You are such a beatutiful person, both inside and out!! I too have health issues and it helps to read other peoples struggles and how they handle them. Looking forward to reading more of your blogs.
    Tim

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    1. Oh my gosh what a kind thing to say! Thank you so much Tim. I’m so glad you decided to pop on over! Hugs and love xox

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  4. I stopped here to say thanks for “liking” my post today, but then I read “Read This First.” I’m blown away with your ministry. We all have something. My cross to bear is chronic pain and because of it, I’m on the other end of the eating spectrum. I eat for comfort. At 73, I doubt I’ll ever lose what I’ve gained in the last two years. But I do know God loves me and so does my wonderful husband. I suppose that should keep me happy, but somehow I don’t always feel happy. But I keep plugging along hoping tomorrow will be better

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    1. Thank you for sharing your story I’m so sorry that you’re in chronic pain, Sherrey. I will definitely keep you in my prayers. Hang in there friend. Hugs and love xox

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      1. I don’t know anyone with this condition but I sympathize with anyone suffering and many hugs to those who are. 🙂

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  5. I know I’ve recently commented on your “Read Me First” page but I just had to stop by once again to share something with you.

    There comes a point in one’s life where someone will say or do something that can have a tremendous effect on someone. You have become that person to me. I have spent the last several days reading your blog, not all of it but most of it, and I have laughed and I have wept.

    I have a eating disorder, although not like yours. In fact, right the opposite. I have been overweight most if not all of my adult life. I have tried diet after diet and nothing seemed to work. I developed diabeties about twenty years ago which made matters worse. My doctor set me down when I weighed 345 pounds and told me that if I didn’t do something I would not see my kids graduate. This was about ten years ago. Today I weighed in at 278. Don’t applaud just yet. Last year I had gotten down to 255 but I gained a lot of my weight back. But there was a reason, or at least I blame my weight gain on this.

    In 2014, I was diagnosed with CML, a form of Leukemia. I have been on two forms of oral medication both of which caused more issues than my body could handle. I spent most of 2015, 2016 and some of 2017 in the hospital with breathing problems. I started my third form of oral meds today. Of course with all this, I felt like giving up. Depression set in, I started eating junk food and up went my weight.

    I said all that to say this. After reading your blogs, and seeing how you delt with your disorder, you have brought hope that I had lost. I won’t lie to say that I’m not worried about my CML. But with medical technologies the life span had increased 30 percent in the last ten years. Before 1990, if you were diagnosed with CML, they would send you home and tell you to get your funeral plans ready and within six months, well, I’d rather not think about that.

    Keep up the work that you’re doing. You are touching so many lives here, inclulding mine.

    God Bless

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    1. Gosh, thank you so much for sharing your story. I am so moved by your heart and your experience. You are a warrior for sure. I’m so glad that my blog has been a positive glimmer in your life. that truly brings my so much joy in my heart. thank you for sharing that with me. Know that I will be praying for your CML. Big hugs to you friend xo

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  6. Thank you for liking my post. I have enjoyed reading your unique perspective and your journey through anorexia! It is always so amazing to read someone who opens up about their journey!

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  7. Great to meet you and ALWAYS great to hear how Jesus Christ is changing lives around the world. There are so many Christians in bondage to addictions and harmful behaviors and ultimately I think most Christians have NO idea what their true identity is as an adopted member of the Royal Family of God. If they truly understood it and replaced the labels society and the enemy has placed on them, with the labels God has placed on them… their self-value would be limitless. I wrote about this here: https://standtallforchrist.com/2017/05/17/what-is-your-secret-identity/

    Thank you for sharing your testimony Sister in Christ.
    Keep walking with Christ and giving all the glory to God.

    Keith

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  8. Thank you for liking my recent post BBB. I did have a fleeting thought “what interest would someone in ED recovery have with a post from an alcoholic in recovery”. Duhhhh! I then read a number of your posts. The similarities are remarkable! A young lady, in early recovery, led our AA meeting this morning. She shared her life struggle with ED. OMG! I sent her the link to your blog. You’re doing great things!

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  9. The very fact that when I read your Roseanne Barr piece and then came to realize you have thousands of followers and well over a thousand comments on this post itself, humbles me, and leaves me extremely grateful when I see your occasional acknowledgement of my own writings. Wow, congrats to you and all of your incredible work and commentary and life growth.

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  11. Hi Beauty Beyond Bones,

    I found your page because you liked a post I wrote, thank you for that.

    I cannot relate to a person with an eating disorder, I’ve met people over the years with eating disorders and to me it is the most brutal of illnesses, because drugs, alcohol, gambling,even “luxury” items like caffeine or chocolate is not needed to survive and can with help/rehab/therapy… be avoided, but food is needed for our growth, survival, and health. I have a high respect for people who suffer from an eating disorder.

    I like what you say: “However, I chose to be vulnerable and share that utter brokenness — that wreckage — in order for you to truly grasp the gravity of the disease”

    I take this approach with my story, which is very different to yours, but making myself vulnerable, even while semi-anonymous, is important for people not only to understand my experiences, but to hopefully learn to choose a better way than what happened to me and also how I badly/traumatically responded to this.

    Thanks for your courage. I will in time travel through your side and certainly pass on to anyone who suffers from an eating disorder if they wish.

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    1. Thank you so much for your kind words and willingness to understand! And thanks for sharing your story:) Hugs and love xox

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  12. Hi Beauty Beyond Bones.

    Thank you for your like on my post. I’m very new to the blogging scene, but I’m really encouraged at how much positive impact you can bring. I hope to bring encouragements to people as well (on the topic of science and faith).

    Once again, thank you!

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  13. Hi.. thank you for your like on my blog.. and a belated thank you also for all the likes you’d given me before in my previous blog.. i’m AK 🙂

    this time i mean to stick around much longer.. and i have a new post that talks about what i’d been through lately, among other things…

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    1. I’m so sorry to hear that. definitely reach out to your treatment team and a trusted adult that you’re struggling. praying for you friend you got this. xoxox

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  17. Wow! I don’t even have to read more than this page to know that you are my peeps! 🙂 God healed me from bulimia in college, and those voices try to shout still 20 years later! I can’t wait to read your story! Thanks for telling it!

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  19. Hi there,

    Me again,
    Just finished with this Section,
    SERIOUSLY – one of the Most Courageous people I’ve come across on the Internet.

    Sorry if any of my Thoughts created any Issues on the Bad First Date,
    All the Best in Your journey,

    Knowing you help Many more than you could have Imagined,
    Especially when Many more people endure their own Tests and Trails in their Lives.

    You’re Really Awesome for doing this, not that You haven’t heard this by now.

    Keep up the Brilliance which is You!

    Cobus ;- )

    Like

  20. Hey,

    You must seriously reply and have a great deal of messages to get through,

    Just so I know – watching your First YouTube video,
    What is the correct spelling of your name, { Caroline } ?
    Knowing there are so many ways Correct and so many not.

    Then as well,
    You’ll have to Really work at it,
    Being a Nerd or even Weird for that matter.

    There are Brilliant other Adjectives I can use and I suspect many other’s did describing you (good ones),
    But I can tell you that Nerd or even Weird do not even come Close to you!
    You do have some Awesome quarks… Which makes your Videos Unique and Yourself very Adorable – Cute,
    So don’t sweat it!

    I can say for a Certain fact that If ever you met me in Person,
    Weird,
    Strange,
    Eccentric
    and Different
    Would be the norm for me – this I’ve been told.

    Not to worry,
    It doesn’t Faze me,
    I do Know myself very well.

    You know as well as I do,
    Putting yourself out there is the Only way of lending a Hand to those who need it,
    AND You’re doing a Brilliant job at it.

    I’ll leave you be,
    You’ve got more Important things to be done,

    The Love I get to send out to so many,
    But I suspect you have well Developed Arms with all the Hugs –
    Just joking.

    Enjoy,

    Cobus

    Like

  21. I haven’t read much but was inspired by your intro. Please know that what you are doing definitely has been and is helping other people.

    I pray that you will be blessed abundantly.

    Please keep it up!

    Like

  25. Thank you so much for your courage to share and be vulnerable! While I have not suffered from disordered eating, I have known a number people who have. I am grateful that you are sharing your story and the hope that Jesus can bring to any person who simply seeks Him! May God richly bless your ministry!

    Like

  26. Hello love! I’m not sure if you remember my name, but I occasionally comment on your posts (I’m a big fan of your blog) and I’d like to make an inquiry. I previously asked for a way I could contact you but unfortunately was not able to follow up. If you are willing, please let me know again how I could possibly contact you privately.

    Respectfully,
    Dainelle

    Like

  28. Thank you for liking my post Mystery and suspense in 2019 at my blog Joseph Mark Brewer. I have enjoyed reading the items on your site. Strength and wisdom and great storytelling. Please continue to write and witness. JMB

    Like

  30. Thanks for taking the time to look at my blog and liking my post. Your encouragement is a big boost for amateurs like me. Hope to create better posts and receive more feedback in the future.

    The courage you have shown to share your darkest moments and insecurities is admirable. I hope your story will help others to find strength and seek the help that they need.

    Best Wishes.

    Like

  31. Thanks for taking the time to look at my blog and liking my post. Your encouragement is a big boost for amateurs like me. Hope to create better posts and receive more feedback in the future.

    The courage you have shown to share your darkest moments and insecurities is admirable. I hope your story will help others to find strength and seek the help they need.

    Best Wishes.

    Like

  33. Hi! I am relatively new with “serious” blogging. And I am very grateful to you for being one of the first people to like my posts since June or July. Six months since then, I have been into serious blogging so to speak and the more I find it so wonderful…it’s like paradise maybe when everything is in it. Your blog is one reason I said it so. And I admire your sincerity and courage in saying you are a Christian and a virgin waiting for your prince. You must be a rare gem. Thank you! A blessed day to you!

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  36. I’m at a loss for words. that doesn’t happen often. I look at the photos and read. look again and read. I’m going to do as you said and start at the beginning. It may take some time but I feel its going to be worth it.

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    1. Thank you so much, J – I am so touched and honored that you would take the time to read my story. Big hugs to you xox

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      1. I usually do not follow other than here but I did follow on Instagram and FB I hope you don’t mind I commented on a photo on Instagram but the look you had reached out to me.

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      3. I’m not the writer you and others are. that much I know BUT if you want I did post a blog in titled a little more about me

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  37. Dear Beauty. Your quest to defeat anorexia is admirable and inspiring. I can imagine that its difficult to invest in the rest of life when battling anorexia. Please don’t forget to build an emergency fund and hopefully a retirement fund. Best wishes, Doug

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  39. I have no experience with anyone with anorexia, but reading the posts of the first few months taught me a lot about it. thank you.
    It is not just ED that tells you that you are ugly. My wife had a sister that was prettier than she, so she believed that she was ugly. It took years of constantly telling her that to me she is beautiful before she started believing it. But the thought of her being ugly always was lurking in the shadows

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    1. Thank you so much for taking the time to read. Yeah we all have those experiences that can shape what we believe about ourselves. Sounds like your wife is blessed to have you!! 🙂 Hugs and love xox

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  40. Hi, there darling girl! Thank you for stopping by to read my thoughts on “A Perfect Church.” Each time I visit your blog, I see new and fabulous things happening. You shine and sparkle with blogging talent and lots of encouragement for all your readers. Many blessings ❤

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  41. It’s so hard, and i feel so alone, like noby understands, which i know is not true, but I feel it to be true. And I’m so scared of the holidays coming up, it gives me so much anxietiy. I guess, I believe that the pain will never go away unless, I make it, by taking me away from life.

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    1. I’m so sorry you’re experiencing those feelings. holidays can definitely be tough. Just remember to be your own advocate – take the space you need, be in the moment, enjoy your time with others, and remember that you deserve joy!!! i’ll be praying for you, my friend. big big hugs xox

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  42. Thanks for liking so of my recent posts. I’m curious to follow you on this journey, starting from the beginning of course. My wife is a LMFT, so I plan to share your site with her!

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  46. What you are doing here is so beautiful. Thanks so much for putting your positive story of health and healing out there in the world. We need that so much today! May God continue to bless what you do.

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  47. Hello! 🙂 I found your site here because you “Liked” my recent post and I wanted to come by. I love your site and your mission here.

    Although I do not currently struggle with eating disorders, I wanted to express my recognition for those who do and truly appreciate your blog and Godly message. Your encouragement and story is amazing. 🙂

    So thank you for sharing your story!! Keep looking up, and many hopes and blessings over to you. ❤

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    1. Aw thank you so much! I’m so touched by your kind words 🙂 so glad you stopped by! Stay well! Hugs and love xox

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    1. Thank you so much for the link up and for the nomination! it means so much!! 🙂 Hugs and love xox

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      1. hahah all good! I answer to pretty much anything! but i will say…this is the first time I got Caralyn with a K and two A’s!!! hahahah 🙂 sending hugs and love xox

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