I was listening to a talk the other day by Fr. Glenn Sudano, and it spoke to me so profoundly that I took on the task of writing this book. Allow me to recount what I took away from it.

We are all wounded. Each and every one of us have scars that remind us of our sufferings and shortcomings. They are part of who we are. And try as we may to cover them up, we shouldn’t – because they are beautiful.

Jesus endured the greatest suffering of all: the Cross. And when He rose again after the third day, He greeted His loved ones and showed them the scars on His hands where He had been pierced. Thomas even put his hands in the holes. His wounds weren’t infected, but glorious and glowing. They were a victory.

That’s how we need to treat our wounds. Are they infected or are they glowing? Our wounds are the signs of the suffering and trials in our life, and they need to be washed in His divine grace. We must allow His Light to shine out of them. For in our weakness, we are actually strong, through Christ. He suffered first, and won, thus allowing us to do the same.

Therefore, I am writing this deeply personal and oftentimes disturbingly honest account, revealing my wounds from the anorexia that ravaged my body eight years ago. I hope it offers insight into the insidious nature of the disease, so as to shed light on what your loved one is going through.

Through these words, I hope to expose the inner thinking of someone struggling with the disease. It’s what I wish I could have told my parents and loved ones at the time, but couldn’t. It’s what I wish they would have known. What I wish they would have understood.

I preface this, that this account is from when I was fully engulfed in my disease. My thoughts were not clean, nor pure. They were dark. Very dark. But it is in exposing that darkness that I hope to allow His Light to shine through these wounds so as to bring hope and help to others.

386 thoughts on “Glorious Wounds”

  1. If I believed in chance encounters, this would fit the bill. But I don’t believe in chance encounters, rather I believe God has His hand in everything. You liked one of my first posts on my new blog, and here we are. I believe it happened for a reason. I believe you and I are on similar paths, and it was in His plan for our paths to cross. I, too, have dealt with a serious affliction – depression. My depression stemmed from fear, and the fear was a product of a life-changing experience. My blog will take on a “journey” theme, as well. Moments into your introduction, I was already moved to tears. I so look forward to “catching up” with you through your blogs. As I alluded, I am a freshman blogger. I have written for years and years, but, other than a stint as a newspaper reporter, most of my “stuff” has gone unpublished. I hope to changed that, for I believe God has blessed me with a gift that I must develop further and by which I will glorify and honor Him. I followed you on Twitter and liked you on Facebook. Would love for you to follow me as well. I wish you all the very best, and again, I look forward to reading your work. I do know someone close to me who struggles with weight disorder, so I will take away even more from your personal story. God Bless.

    Liked by 2 people

      1. I have been so deeply moved by your story. i have grown to realize that most of our deepest scars are the ones not seen by the naked eye, but felt through the exchange of energy. I have had a scar on my face since i was 7 that made schooling for me very difficult. Oddly enough it was that same scar that set me a part and allowed me to work for Disney In the Lion King for 10 years. I am recognized by my beauty mark now. I forget that i have it until someone asks about it. My scars complete me. Thank you for sharing your stories with us.

        Like

      2. Hey Shirley, thanks for this. Wow, working for the Lion King! That is such an awesome thing. You’re right, our scars complete us and make us who we are. thanks for stopping by! big hugs xox

        Like

  2. Thank you for your open and honest words. I am blessed by your blog and intend to keep reading it. Thanks for reminding about Jesus showing His scars, and how he makes ours beautiful.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. On a more serious note, I have never experienced nor known anyone who has had an eating disorder. At least to any real extent as you have experienced. This is why I never followed your blog. I didn’t feel any connection to the subject matter.

    I don’t believe I could endure reading the past posts that go into the depths of the disorder. Not after meeting you here and now. Within your recovery, where you true beauty is being expressed. I couldn’t bear it. Just the thought of it brings tears to my eyes. I could imagine how I would be if I actually read the details of your experience.

    Please forgive me for this. I want to know you now. I love who you are now. The fun posts and also the more deep and painful posts as you wrote about Easter coinciding with the Brussels tragedy. This is this person of depth, intelligence, beauty, love and care that I enjoy knowing.

    You reflect back to the disorder in your more current posts and I get small views of what it was like. This is enough for me. Just know one thing, God doesn’t make mistakes and He certainly went above and beyond when He created you. You can see this, not only by your following but in your powerful words, as well as in your more light, peaceful and fun expressions. The feeling within all your words are the same. The feeling of a beautiful woman with great depth, creativity and intelligence who can touch the hearts of others through your wonderful expressions.. .

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi Matthias, wow. This is truly beautiful. You’ve got me all choked up! Seriously! 🙂 thank you for this wonderfully kind and supportive note. I completely understand. Although I write about my past, I also do not like to revisit it in my “day to day.” Because you’re right-that’s not who I am any more. I am dwelling in Christ and He is my light and my purpose. Your words really touched my spirit, Matthias. You’re right. God doesn’t make mistakes. And that includes me. And you. There is such comfort in that. Thank you again for being a great friend. Though we just “met,” I am grateful that our paths crossed and that i can call you a friend! 🙂 have a great day!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I am grateful for you also, and the fact that our paths crossed. I am honored that you call me friend. I will do all I can to live up to such a great honor. How bout by simply being myself? 😉

        Like

  5. Wow, there’s something so pure about allowing ourselves to be vulnerable with others. I have some wounds too, that at one time I considered ugly so I would try and hide them. However, now I know that wounds helped me to grow and become better. I thank God for the wounds because it’s proof of my victories!

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I am so amazed by your story. It is so inspiring, and I pray that God will use your words to reach those who need to hear them…including me. I do not have anorexia, but have deep wounds that I have covered up over many years and continue to do so. The courage that it takes to uncover those wounds is immense, and difficult, and to be honest – scary. I’ve revealed small bits to random people, but never the whole thing to everyone. I love how you relate them to Jesus’ wounds, and that they are a shining reminder of who we are and whose we are. I pray that I can garner the courage you have and open up the bandages to let Him shine through.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Wow, I love this post and your blog and I can’t wait to read more! I have different struggles, with depression and anxiety but believe that in being honest and vulnerable and sharing God’s healing of our own lives we will help others to do the same. Thanks for liking my post, too!

    Liked by 1 person

  14. John 10:10 says: The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full. Please do not claim this disease. We walk by faith not by sight. (2nd Corinthians 5:7) It’s not what the situation looks like. Proverbs 6:2 says if you have trapped yourself by your agreement and are caught by what you said– Jesus took our pain, sickness and all of our hurt so we can have life and have it more abundantly. (John 10:10) However, you must believe this with all you’ve got! Meditate on Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. I pray in the name of Jesus that you realize your identity in Jesus Christ. You are the child of the Living God. It’s not over until He says so. Enter into the finished works of Jesus Christ! He did it for you! Healing is yours! God wants you to believe and receive healing! God defies the works of the thief! Much Love to you sister!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for this beautiful note. Amen to that. I am so grateful for the healing and freedom I have received from Jesus. I am so thankful to not be in that place anymore, but on the other side. god is good. hugs and love xox

      Like

  15. I am glad you are taking the time to share your story. I am working on acknowledging and sharing mine in bits and pieces. Hopefully I will be able to accept what happened and move past it. I just started, but here’s a link to mine if you would like to drop in occasionally: https://thisisathingnow.wordpress.com/

    Liked by 1 person

  20. Just came across your blog as you liked my most recent post. You’re incredibly lovely and I look forward to seeing future posts from you! I’m proud to see you opening up about something you struggled with in the past. It takes a lot of courage that’s for sure! Best of luck to you in the future and I know God will work wonders in your life as you share your story.
    xoxo,
    Blair

    Liked by 1 person

  21. Thank you for your honest witness to the darkness which wounds…and to the light which heals. In the midst of trials, especially in disease, emotional problems, addiction, spiritual emptiness thoughts easily get distorted, hope seems lost and we can feel abandoned and dirty.

    I hope that many seeking a ray of light…a sliver of hope to reach for…will find you and hear your voice. It is powerful witness!

    Hope lives!
    Your courage and honesty shouts that from the rooftops!

    God bless you on your continued journey!
    Kevin

    Liked by 1 person

  23. Thank you for stopping by my blog…I love your honest writing …only a truly healed person can talk about ones wounds. Jesus is indeed Johovah Rapha to all of us…Thanks for being such a warm, awesome and beautiful persn…both inside and out…:) Hugs!

    Liked by 1 person

  24. Thanks for stopping by my blog. I hadn’t made a post there in over a year. I have another blog of hymns that I post to at least weekly, Sing the Story. As an earlier replier said, “I do not believe in coincidence”. I have wounds of a different kind, a bilateral mastectomy due to cancer and, years later, an emergency hysterectomy to save me from bleeding to death. I struggle with anger over these events and the effect they had/have on my life. Your talk of letting our wounds serve Christ has touched me. I think I will try to do that with God’s help. Blessings to you!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi friend. Than you so much for sharing this. I’m so sorry that you’ve had to go through those difficult things. Yes, approaching my past with that perspective has helped me let go of that anger. Sending big hugs xox

      Liked by 1 person

  25. Thank you for liking my blog post (The Scars that Stay)! I just read your post, “Glorious Wounds”, and it’s amazing to me how similar our ideas were – even some very specific language about His light shining through our scars.
    My struggles have been different from yours. I’ve battled severe ulcerative colitis flare-ups for four years, and just had surgery to remove my colon two weeks ago. I have a permanent ileostomy that helps my body do what my colon used to. Some days I hate it, and I hate how it makes me feel about myself. But I have to remind myself that this “scar” is actually a gift of God, that will hopefully free me to better serve him than I could before (when I was constantly sick). And even if it brought no tangible benefits in this life, it is a visible token of Christ’s work in my heart through a lot of trial.
    But even though our struggles have been different, God’s word promises us both that the eternal glory to come far outweighs the trials we’ve experienced here. I believe that you and I will be with Him someday, wearing our scars as medals of honor.
    Thank you for letting him transform your life, and for sharing that experience with others. Thank you for letting him use your weaknesses to display his awesome power in your life.( I’ll look forward to meeting you in heaven someday! )

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi Hannah, wow, thank you so much for sharing this. Your story is so powerful! You’re right, His glory FAR outweighs the trials we face in this life. What a beautiful spirit you have. It definitely shines through. Sending you the biggest hugs and love and prayers. I hope the recuperation from your surgery is going well and uneventfully. With love, Caralyn

      Like

  26. I just love your comment hannah. Our scars are so important to showing others who we are and whose we are….we shall meet again one day in eternity!

    Liked by 1 person

  27. Anorexia runs in my family. Along with alcoholism, depression, physical and emotional abuse- they all go hand in hand. Wounds are indeed a part of who we are, and we are strong beautiful recovered women in my family. I am always intereted in what drives people to recover- who really are the survivors. Much love to you in your process.

    Liked by 1 person

  29. Thank you for liking my posts, I am just starting out and that made me feel so encouraged and welcomed 🙂 I am humbled by how beautiful, wise, kind and honest you are, now that I’ve looked at your page. wow. I look forward to reading through your writings.

    Liked by 1 person

  30. Thank you so much for liking my blog today so I would be guided to yours. I have struggled with bulimia for over twenty years now. Well, that isn’t entirely true; I enjoyed it for most of that time.
    Just recently, I have started asking God for help taking my body back. My mind, my appetites… I love what you said about Jesus’ scars glowing. Triumphant, He was! That one idea has already touched my life in a profound way. You inspire me to share more of my own darkness – something I have been very afraid to do until now. Thank you so much!!

    Bless your big, beautiful heart, Friend. I am looking forward to learning from you. 💗

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for sharing this. I’m so sorry that you’ve been struggling with that. Amen to that-He was absolutely triumphant-and with His help we can be too! That’s the hope! That’s recovery:) know that I will be keeping you and your recovery in my heart and prayers. I am cheering for you! Sending massive hugs coc

      Like

  31. Dear Friend, I know somewhat of your struggles, we all have them. I want to tell you why I follow you. I am a youth minister, but have had my own addictions to work through. It is painful to share this with you and I pray it will not throw triggers your way.

    My niece was named Mandy, although this was from a foster family I chose. I had lived with foster families for twenty years, from the time I was born.

    I met a girl at church camp who from the very start became like a sister to me. We never dated. She had two lovely daughters, but due to her husband making really bad choices, it really messed Mandy up.

    She was a cutter. There were many times I was called to assist the family. She would talk to me, when she would not talk to anyone else.

    Her mother had asked her when she went into the hospital, she could have anyone on her visiting list but she could not exclude her mother. She did not like her own mother very much.

    I was the only one she wanted on her visitors list. She considered me her youth pastor. However, she admitted that she was also a lesbian. I tried to help her, and told her what the Bible said, but that no matter what her choices were, I would still love her.

    We were working with professional mental professionals, psychiatrists, therapist etc. On June 3, 2010, she lost the battle of life and committed suicide. You remind me a lot about her. For instance you both are great writers, well she was a great writer. You struggled in similar ways and I could relate to both of you.

    Life is hard, but you have a lot of friends that love you and I am one of them. I am so inspired by your writings. You see when she committed suicide, I stopped writing. I never published anything but I did do a lot of writing. I have only recently started to write again.

    I am married to a Filipino and next Month on the 13th, we will celebrate our 8th year anniversary. I decided, that writing can bring healing, which I never really did blogging before.

    I feel that I am a good writer, not as good as you, but a good writer; and thought maybe through our writers we can inspire each other. Your blogged helped me to decide to write once again about how God brought me through so many obstacles. And so I just wanted to say thank you, and God bless you and your family. Thank you, thank you so very much!!! First for a beautiful blog and for choosing to share your gift and choosing life! You are helping a lot of people through your glorious wounds!!!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much for sharing this. What a heartbreaking story. I am so sorry to hear that you’re right, life is hard and the only way to navigate and endure it is with His grace and guidance. Congratulations on your upcoming anniversary. That’s a beautiful testimony of love. Sending big hugs xox

      Like

  32. Thank you for what you’re doing here. Like someone else who wrote a comment I’m not anorexic, but my mum was. And I’ve dealt with depression for years. Now I’m quite happy though, after years and years of suffering. People like you who share their pain are essential to the point that they’re life saving. Go on ahead, you’re awesome! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  33. Very moving and insightful – thank you for sharing this with us; many of us are going through personal challenges (in my case neuroendocrine cancer) but your words strike a deep chord in our hearts and reinforce the powerful hope we can have in Jesus

    Like

  34. Thank you for your courage and generosity in sharing your story. I have always been very conscious of my weight and body image — probably overly-conscious — and it’s so hard in this society not to be. The standards of thinness and perfection are so impossible, so much pressure is placed upon women; but I suppose it always has been. Only we women ourselves can stop this by not succumbing to the pressure, by standing up for ourselves and for a more healthy, realistic standard of beauty.

    This is not to say that we shouldn’t strive to be the best we can be according to our own gifts and merits, and that includes good health and grooming. But I think of how close I came to developing an eating disorder when I was younger. Fortunately, being of Italian descent I just loved food too much to carry it that far! But it is definitely a danger that our society must do something about. The power is in our hands, but we must have the courage to speak up and stand up for our rights and for the dignity of our womanhood.

    Liked by 1 person

  35. I very well agree with you. Dark days and short comming sare a package that goes with a life. But how we tackle it through little light shown to us is important. I am not sure if I have the courage to bring out what I am going through but fighting it within, with minimal or no help at all. Just praying to my lord to pull me out of this as soon as possible….sometimes feel like giving up. But then I see my son, who looks upon me and thats the motivation to start again. Thanks for sharing will read through your posts…..very inspiring!!!!

    Liked by 1 person

  36. This is beautiful. I admire your transparency and how you allow your testimony to reach the lives of others. Though I have not suffered from ED, I did battle with self-confidence issues and I am now cleansing myself from trying to appease the world.I feel encouraged by this post to share my struggles as well. I look forward to exploring your blog. You have gained a subscriber! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  40. This post spoke to me. I love this part – “His wounds weren’t infected, but glorious and glowing. They were a victory…That’s how we need to treat our wounds. Are they infected or are they glowing? Our wounds are the signs of the suffering and trials in our life, and they need to be washed in His divine grace. We must allow His Light to shine out of them.”

    You are writing a book? What an exciting thing to do with God. ❤ 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  41. Thank you for your transparency. It fits this verse perfectly: 1 Corinthians 1:3 – Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, 4 who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.

    Liked by 1 person

  42. I have the opposite issue with food than anorexia…but I imagine what’s in the middle is similar. Using food -or restriction of – to deal with emotions.
    What I love and really relate to with your blog is the transparency and honesty.

    Liked by 1 person

  43. Thank you for liking and reading my blog. I am looking forward to reading through your journey. I find no coincidences in life, and that we have been “introduced” as I have struggled throughout my life with eating issues, but not in your “typical” fashion. I developed a phobia at a very young age with food and sickness that has twisted my thinking and controlled me for over 30 years. I’ve hidden this (out of shame and embarrassment) and only a small handful of people know that this is something I’ve struggled with. But, God has been graciously and patiently helping to change my thinking and actions. It really is a process, one that sometimes I have no patience for, because I just want it over like yesterday.
    God bless and thank you for your honesty and transparency.
    In Christ,
    Miranda

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi Miranda, thank guy so much for sharing your story. I’m sorry that we have that in our pasts that connect us but I’m so glad that you also know the saving and healing hand of God. Sending you the biggest hugs friend xox

      Liked by 1 person

  45. Thank so much for the open and honest way that you share your challenges and your triumphs. As always, thanks for your encouragement and support in stopping by my blog and “liking” what you see.

    Liked by 1 person

  46. I am glad you liked my post because it gave me a chance to see this article. I we all have wounds that only God can heal. It took me some time to realize that I had to give my hurts over to him. I am so glad that we crossed paths.

    Liked by 1 person

  49. Caralyn (if i’ve got the name right!),

    Thank you for visiting my blog and reading the post, and for your like.

    I read through some of the things you’ve written, and I love the honesty. Yes, the word is really ‘wreckage’ to describe what our lives sometimes end up as, which makes the extraordinary love of God for broken people, and the redeeming work He does all the more heart-wrenching (in a good way). I’m not yet ready to share all of my story, which my wife and a few friends know, but my blog was the first step out of the fear into walking into the identity God has bought for us through Jesus.

    I’m wary about which sites to follow as I have little time to spare – you’ve already seen a glimpse of how hectic my life is in my post. I think I’m ready to follow yours, because of the unmistakable aroma of Christ that I love, and the things that seem to disturb you are much the same as those that deeply disturb and distress me. I’m interested in hearing your stories and listening to your thoughts. Be welcome to write us whenever you want.

    My wife and I give you our heartfelt blessings, and encouragement to look to the Father for your desire for a family and to wait for Him. It’s very, very much worth it. Marriages and babies excite us hugely, but even more are people who are willing to wait and trust Him. It’s soooooo much worth it.

    I’m going to share some of your thoughts with my 11 year old (going on 15!) daughter as well.

    Many regards,
    Indi

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi Indi, thank you so much for sharing your story. I am so encouraged by your words. Thank you 🙂 You’re right…trusting Him is an adventure, but one that is full of excitement and joy and fulfillment. so glad you stopped by! looking forward to your next post xox

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Caralyn, thank you for stopping by and reading my posts, esp the ‘What Would I Do?’ one which didn’t get many views (which is really all right with me). I wanted to thank you for the post you’ve written to your future husband, because it was hugely brave and was the sort of risky thing that God just loves. I know you know the struggle to fill in clothes that we need to stitch for ourselves that are really too big for us, but that God wants us to stitch in faith. And His grace is more than sufficient, always. But especially, the post was special because I could show it to my daughter (she’s read many of your posts), and it kept a dialogue we’ve been having for a long time alive. I couldn’t find the post, so am writing to you via here; I couldn’t find a place to write to you directly without going through a post. I hope this is ok with you. One day my daughter is going to know all of my own story, and when that day comes, with its attendant pain and joy, I trust it will bring us (my daughter and I) closer and not drive a wedge between us, because we’re such good friends. I was amazed to find another of your posts about your niece that had the same sentiment. There is such a journey on in your life, and much fruit that God is bring forth through it. We’re continuing to pray for your marriage, for that very special man who will complete you and God’s amazing purpose through both of you. Please let us know when you are sure you have met him. You can write to us directly on our email through the form on our contact page. I don’t have much spare time to do social networking (am not on most sites) so email is really my preferred mode of communication. Many regards and blessings in Christ from us, Indi.

        Like

      2. Hi Indi, wow, I am so incredibly touched by this note. thank you so much! My heart is so warm tonight, thinking about you and your daughter sharing your hearts and having such a positive dialogue. The bond between mother and daughter is so so precious. I come to appreciate that more and more every day — especially recently. I absolutely will let you know 🙂 thanks so much for your kind encouragement. Happy new year to you and yours! hugs xox

        Like

      3. 😀 Caralyn, I’m the dad. Lydia is my wife, as you’ll see in the blog pic. In the family, I’m the communicator and corresponder, closely followed by my daughter Hannah. My wife is a self-effacing, absolutely wonderful server and the best friend I’ve ever had. My daughter follows close behind too as a funny, loving and very sensitive friend. My relationship with her comes from my deep desire to reflect what God is like to her, and to be her best friend through life, whatever it may bring. We’re very close, all three of us. That’s why the wait is so worth it!! Many blessings over the new year for you and your family. Bests. I.

        Like

      4. Oh gosh, I’m so sorry for that mistake!!! 🙈🙈🙈 oh gosh. Sounds like you’ve got some pretty amazing women in your life. and wow what a beautiful thing for a dad to be for his daughter. My dad is a lot like that and let me tell you… there is nothin g more powerful in the world than a godly father.thanks again. Massive hugs xox

        Like

      5. No problem at all!! It’s understandable with a nickname like Indi, and a pretty huge compliment to be mistaken for a mother. Thankfully, the names Lydia and Hannah in our little family help to clear up some confusion about who or what I am. It’s actually a name a German friend gave me when I was in high school, and it stuck. 🙂 And you’re right, I cannot even begin to tell you what my wife and daughter mean to me. God bless you, and my very best regards to your parents. I’m sooo glad for what God is doing through you and your family. Please give your dad a strong handshake for me. 🙂

        Like

      6. haha 🙂 oh that’s a great story — I am always curious about the origins of names and nicknames. My niece calls me “Dooga” and let’s just say there’s quite the story behind that one! 🙂 🙂 haha I will! And my dad is big on handshakes…”the handshake makes the man!” 🙂 God bless you, Hannah, and Lydia, my friend xox

        Like

  50. Art, for now is our only form of time travel. Our social responsibility does not allow weakness, or even humility or fear. I’m proud of you. Agnes Cecile, an artist has a piece by this same name, “Glorious Wounds.”

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a reply to A.R. Mowe Cancel reply