If you’re reading this, I’d like to welcome you and give you a hug.

Maybe you’re the parent or loved one of someone suffering with an eating disorder. Perhaps you’re in the throes of anorexia yourself. Maybe you think you may have the beginning stages of disordered eating. Or perhaps you’re on the journey to recovery.

Whatever has brought you here, I hope that through the story of my brokenness, and redemption through the Lord, you are able to find hope, encouragement, advice, healing, support, and comfort.

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This blog chronicles my journey from severe anorexia to recovery, and every twist and turn along the way. The blog posts are meant to be read from beginning to end, as a book. (( Glorious Wounds is the Introduction.)) So I would suggest reading “up” — starting from my oldest post, and working backwards to the most recent. This is my first post.

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I must warn you that the beginning is very dark — intense, raw, and despairing. It is an uncensored view into my mind when I was deep in my anorexia. However, I chose to be vulnerable and share that utter brokenness — that wreckage — in order for you to truly grasp the gravity of the disease, and how sincerely meaningful freedom through Christ has been in my life.

I also hope that you’ll find the resources section of my blog helpful. If you or a loved one is suffering with disordered eating habits, please seek professional help.

With that being said, I am not a doctor. I’m not a therapist, dietician, counselor, psychiatrist, etc. I’m just a girl. Who had a severe case of anorexia. And who is journeying through recovery, one day at a time. I’m just sharing my story with the hopes that it will help even one person.

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***To get a copy of my book, Bloom: A Journal by BeautyBeyondBones, click here! 

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2,012 thoughts on “Read This First”

  1. Yes we all survived her broccoli diet and bubble gum… my daughter at 30… we all embraced her in high school (brothers, mother, and I) with understanding and her futile facade… pelvis bones prominent … has now re-covered, (with pride as a woman) still feeling conscious of her butt because she has gained a little weight (always has and still is beautiful), has a great personal friend and 2 beautiful children.
    It’s a story I understand and the victory of self acceptance with the surrender of illusion.
    ZQ

    Liked by 5 people

  2. Fortunately, I, nor anyone I know, has an eating disorder. However, I think you’re wonderful for what you’re doing with your blog. If I run across anyone, I will send them to your blog, as I favorited it. I just wanted to thank you for stopping by my f-stop fantasy. I appreciate your Like.

    Liked by 3 people

  4. It’s amazing what you are doing with your blog. Turning your pain into positive power is a beautiful thing to see and read. Keep going and I look forward to reading more of your work.

    Stay blessed,
    Lydia x

    Liked by 2 people

  5. Hi, I hope you are in good health and spirit.
    My blog was nominated for a “quote challenge” – 3 quotes for 3 days while nominating others. It seems like a nice way to share some inspiration and some of your favourite blogs. Do you mind if I nominate your blog?

    Like

  6. It is so wonderful that you’re doing better! You are such a strong and amazing person; it takes a lot to climb out of an eating disorder and begin to embrace your (truly beautiful) self. I am so thankful that you give glory to God for your recovery!
    Thank you for beginning this website as a means to help others who are going through experiences similar to yours. You are such an inspiration! God bless you! ❤

    Like

  7. Wow, I’m totally blown away by your story. I was born with a body type and high metabolism that prompted doctors, teachers, and friends to question me as to my eating habits. (pregnancy and motherhood fixed that, haha) While I didn’t deal with the internal issues you have battled, I did have the social stigmas and was constantly stared at wherever I went. It’s wonderful how you have worked to take care of yourself and shared your story.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Awesome testimony! I too have struggled with an eating disorder. In my early twenties I developed bulimia out of a desire to be thin coupled with an addiction to food. It was a vicious cycle that lasted for over a year. I know this seems like a short time compared to others but I remember feeling like I would never get out. I have never felt so trapped in my life. One night at a church conference the preacher called up people struggling with eating disorders and I struggled so much with if I should go up because I was afraid that people would judge me. Well, I did go up to the front and God broke the chains right off me. It took months to get full freedom but after I did it was like I had never struggled with it in the first place. God is faithful! I remember that right after I had been delivered of this God brought my future wife into my life. God gave me my greatest earthly gift in my darkest hour! He is a good God! I was even able to give my testimony of how God delivered me to the entire church some 7 years ago now! Praise God! Anyway, just thought I’d encourage you with my journey. Keep pressing on!

    Liked by 3 people

  10. Hi, thank you for stopping by my blog. And thank you also for sharing your truth, raw and real. It’s courageous and I am sure you will help people by doing so. The world needs more realness. Wish you much strength in your recovery!

    Liked by 1 person

  11. I am glad that you found your way to recovery. Happier still that you have found a positive way to share your experiences with others. Though I don’t have an eating disorder I am a recovering alcoholic and can appreciate how hard a road recovery can be. Thank you for visiting my blog and letting me know you’re out there.

    Liked by 1 person

  14. Having just begun to read your blog, I am very gratified that you would “like” my blog entry “Life is Good”. You know very well that life is not good because you or I want it to be, or make it so, but because God is good. Not only are we all scarred but we are all recovering from something. In the most general sense we are recovery from the ravishes of sin. An eating disorder, an anger response habit, on and on I could go. The most blessed, glorious solution to it all is God’s grace. That is what we need to focus on and go to every time temptation or failure looks at us. We can overcome and improve and heal because God’s grace through His Son, Jesus, empowers us to do so as we cling to Him.

    Liked by 1 person

  15. experienced this secret infliction through a now ex. a terrible pain & unfathomable chasm to cross. i wish u well in your part of the universe. stay strong, mentally & physically. may you smile more than u give up! 🙂 best wishes & happy smiles from the UK. 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 x

    Liked by 1 person

  16. You hear that rushing sound? …it’s the simultaneous intaken breath of thousands of folks in their forties and fifties who are astonished that a young gal like you would be so stark and honest about her personal life in front of random internet strangers! My mom is mortified that I blog.

    But it’s so necessary. So necessary, and you’re courageous for doing this. Our generation is a basket case, but on a serious note, we have so many wounds. To find out that we’re not the only one is a huge blessing from God. Thank you for your bravery.

    Liked by 1 person

  17. Thank you for checking out my blog. And for the likes on different posts. I thank God for your boldness and courage to share your journey. I haven’t started reading the beginning yet, but I will be back. I pray more and more grace for you as you continue this walk in Him. May the Lord bless you.
    J.

    Liked by 1 person

  21. Hi, I was happy to have you visit me. What a wonderful, positive site you have. My main contact with an eating disorder was my best friend;s lovely daughter. Sadly she did not recover. If she had had a more supportive environment, such as what you offer here–who knows, maybe she would have made it.
    You have my best wishes and prayers for your continued success.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi there Pilgrim. Oh I am so sorry to hear about your friend’s daughter. How incredibly tragic. Yeah there is not a day that goes by that I don’t realize how lucky j am to have been able to recover. Because sadly that is not the case with everyone. Thank you for your encouragement. Hugs and love xox

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  22. So glad you liked my latest blog. Even more glad to have found you and your site. My daughter was a psychiatrist specialising in anorexia so I can understand what you have gone through. You have enormous courage to be able to suffer and survive and go on to share those experiences. I live in the mountains of North Wales and I started my blog 18 months ago in protest at the things being done in the Church in Wales – a separate Anglican church from the Church of England, which has problems of its own. Now, as an old lady, I blog about all the things going on here and in the States that seem to me to lack any common sense or are totally bizarre. I loved your blog about your father. Cherish him, there aren’t enough men like that about. If the child who has just been “frozen” over here and then been sent to the US had had a family like yours I think her end would have been very different.

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  23. Hi again. I just wanted to say thanks again that you’re you. I enjoy your blog style and I confess I have adapted it into my own posts. So you’re like my blog muse or something! It’s an honour to hear your story and I like to share your posts from time to time. Thanks for liking my stuff, too. God bless you, always.

    Like

  24. Damn, I didn’t even know what anorexia is before coming to this blog. This is a great site. A great inspiration.

    Nevertheless, thanks for stopping by my blog.

    Like

  29. Thank you for checking out my blog earlier! I’ve had problems with eating in the past (and still do), to the point where I’ve been hospitalized. I’m proud of you for being able to share your stories so honestly. Keep up the excellent work.

    Liked by 1 person

  32. Wow, you are so incredibly brave and strong! As someone who has battled with chronic illness I can appreciate how hard it is to talk about. The difference is where I am not race enough to talk most of the time, you are. I cannot begin to truly imagine how hard it must have been to go through what you have gone through, but you have clearly owned your eating disorder, and not let it owned you. You are an inspiration to us all 🙂 Jen xxx

    Liked by 1 person

  33. Very well done, blog! I am a counselor and what you’ve done here is a testament to your recovery, survival, and genuine Awesomeness! Great Job!! I will be sharing your blog with client’s that I feel could benefit from your words. Thank you!! Have an Awesome day!

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Why would I not?
        I’m not someone that has gone through what you have. I have experiences that other Veterans might understand, but not everyone wants to hear /read those. 😉
        So for those that need to understand that it will be okay, they need to read your blog! 🙂 And you are very welcome! Now aren’t you glad you liked one of my entries, I always go read the blogs of those that do. 😉 And big hugs back to you! ❤

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  37. Hello beautiful! I just wanted to let me know how much you have helped me, how inspirational you have been to me… I’m 20 and I’ve reached a BMI below 14… I’ve had an ED for more years than I can count, and yet I was unwilling to accept it until practically now. I thought I was being more holy by fasting and offering it up to God. But I’ve realized I was just lying to myself. Gluttony is a sin because it makes food the center, and temperance and fasting are about putting the center back in God; well, the ED (although not a sin) is actually very similar, it also puts food in the center of my life. That’s why my new sacrifice must be recovery. And finally enjoy food as a good gift from God.

    In fact I’m just full of fears and chains. But that is over. I’ve read all your posts about “the truth of…” (weight restoration, exercise, bloating) and a lot of other ones and I feel totally identified, and you have helped me to overcome many of my doubts. Part of me is still screaming inside, what you call the voice of ED. I’m terrified to start making changes. Today I’m going to tell the full truth to my mom and it’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done. But I want a new beginning. Please pray for me, I know I can’t follow this new path without God’s Grace and Mercy. I hope one day I can see everything that has happened from your point of view, from the “after” and not the “before” point I’m in now.

    Liked by 1 person

  39. Thank you for sharing your story, you are certainly a courageous person. I thought of a scripture as I read through your post that I’d like to share with you:

    “Yea, I know that I am nothing; as to my strength I am weak; therefore I will not boast of myself, but I will boast of my God, for in his strength I can do all things; yea, behold, many mighty miracles we have wrought in this land, for which we will praise his name forever.”

    You seem to be doing exactly that. Thanks again for visiting my blog, and I will be sure to start following you!

    Liked by 1 person

  40. Thank your for liking my post! (Gods Photo Album). What you are doing is powerful. God bless you.

    “Jehovah bless thee, and keep thee: Jehovah make his face to shine upon thee, and be gracious unto thee: Jehovah lift up his countenance upon thee, and give thee peace.”
    ‭‭Numbers‬ ‭6:24-26‬ ‭ASV‬‬

    Liked by 1 person

  42. I’ve just read this and I’m really looking forward to reading the rest of your blog. I personally haven’t had this battle, but I’ve been there firsthand with one of my closest friends (in a bittersweet way her illness is why we became so close.) But she has recovered amazingly, of course she has her days, but it’s brilliant of you to open yourself up and show people what it’s truly like. It’s not a fashion statement, it’s a serious illness and I hope more people wake up to that. One day at a time xo

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi there! Thank you so much for taking the time to read and respond. I’m so glad that our paths crossed. I’m so glad that your friend is doing well. You’re right – I pray that people see that too. Hugs and love xox

      Like

  43. Hey 🙂
    Thanks so much for stopping by several times and liking :); much appreciated. Grateful to God for such a courageous heart as yours, being vulnerable to the entire world, just to help total strangers. God bless you so much. Warmest regards, Lydia Ndagilaya x

    Liked by 1 person

  44. Thank you for liking my post…I am thankful that the abuse I endured early on in my life didn’t cause me to develop an eating disorder.
    I’ve only read “read-this-first”, and some of the testimonies here on this page. I pray for you all. It’s encouraging to see the fight that “beautybeyondbones” has and continues to fight. I’m glad to know that you are here. If I come across any that are suffering with eating disorders I will point them to your blog. Helping one another is what I’m all about.
    I was happy to see that ‘looking to’ God is celebrated here and not looked down upon. 🙂
    Jesus loves us all and wants us to be in good health! Keep fighting, don’t give up!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much for sharing your story. I am so sorry that you had to endure that. You did not deserve to not be treated with the utmost respect and dignity, because that’s what you are worth. My heart just breaks to think that someone did not honor that. thank you for the prayers. know that you are in mine as well. Thanks for stopping by. hugs xo

      Like

  50. Appreciate your “like” – May God build and strengthen your faith whatever you are going thru, whether you are praying Apple or Potato prayers…

    Liked by 1 person

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