Burning Bridges

Happy Thursday, friends!

So a bit of a twist tonight on the blog: I’ve got a song recommendation! (Which I think is a first on here!) But yesterday, as I was scrolling Instagram, I came across Selena Gomez’s new song: Lose You To Love Me.

It is a powerful, introspective ballad about, basically, how getting her heart broken by Justin Bieber was the catalyst for her to learn to love herself.

I listened to it several times, because the lyrics were incredibly moving.

In case you aren’t down with the #Jelena (Justin + Selena) drama, they’ve been off and on for the last ten years. First loves. And most recently here this last year, they tried to rekindle one last time, only for Justin to break up with her and marry Hailey Baldwin two months later.

But the lyrics really spoke to me. Because even though I’m not going through a break up like she, the message behind the words really hit home, and I think are universally relatable.

“I needed to lose you to love me.
This dancing was killing me softly.
I needed to hate you to love me.”

I mean, wow. I think if we’re honest with ourselves, we all have that one thing that we keep coming back to and coming back to, and yet is slowly destroying us. We can’t break it – we keep revisiting and returning to that which is tearing us apart. And the only way we can truly break free is to completely sever ties with it.

It actually made me think so much of my recovery from anorexia. During my disease, I kept clinging to the empty promises that the eating disorder promised me: control, worthiness, purpose, identity — and all the while it was slowing killing me, literally. And yet I’d return day after day to bash my head against the proverbial wall.

And in order to truly heal and truly recover, I had to completely burn that bridge, to keep from crossing it again. I had to pluck it out by the roots — all the thoughts, all the habits, all the patterns and reminders, heck — even the environment! I had to completely cut ties. Which is the realization that Selena comes to in her song.

Along with the song, Selena posted a photo of a note she had written on her iPhone.

Reading that, I all of a sudden was just overwhelmed with support for this beautiful young girl. And it hit me, that no matter who you are — no matter how much money you make, or how seemingly perfect your life can seem as a pop princess, the fact is, we all are in the same boat. We are all on the same journey trying to figure out life, and our place in the world, and our relationship with our Creator.

Selena Gomez seems to have it all. And yet she still can feel lost, and in need of Jesus.

All of our journeys look differently. She had to get her heart shredded to pieces by Biebs. I had to almost lose everything to anorexia. Others have to deal with loss. Or cancer. Or addiction. Or infidelity — whatever it is, there will come a point when we’ve reached our break point, and the only way out is up: Up to the Father. Surrendering it all because that’s our last resort. And only hope.

Sometimes that’s the only way. And hearing Selena leave it all emotionally on the stage with that song, I just wanted to stand up and applaud her.

That girl’s been through a lot. And kudos to her for having the courage to be vulnerable and share the real. Share the raw. Share the journey.

So anyways, here’s a link to the song. I would highly suggest giving it a listen.

And lastly, my article entitled, “Weapons For Righteousness” was published on WINE Ministries yesterday! Women In the New Evangelization is such an incredible organization, it’s an honor to be a contributor!

That article is all about hard truths, and what the heck it means to use our bodies as “weapons for righteousness” — which is what Jesus calls us to do!

So here’s the link to that! I’d love it if you’d give it a read!

Alright, that’s all folks! Thanks so much for stopping by on this beautiful Thursday afternoon! I’ll catch ya on the flip side! 🙂

What did you think of Selena’s song? Have you ever had to sever ties with a destructive habit?

“This is what the Lord says to these bones: I will make breath enter you, and you will come to life.” Ez 37:5

A big thank you to my foundational sponsor, BetterHelp Online Therapy. I cannot begin to express how beneficial therapy was for my recovery from anorexia.  Speak with an online therapist. Or check out content about eating disorders from BetterHelp.


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91 responses to “Burning Bridges”

  1. Yes, I can relate, though I am older and not religious in this way. After my divorce, I developed a dating site habit, sure that happiness would be found if only I found the right sight, posted the right words, connected with the right guy. But it’s all hookups now (or fake or cons), sorry to say, and I believe it’s rare to impossible to form a real relationship when you’re expected to conform to a p*rno fantasy. It took me years to realize the sites were all the same (even the pay ones) and burn that bridge. Maybe I’ll meet someone, but it won’t be that way. Great post! ❤️

  2. Love and hate are not the opposites we think they are. Hate is a type of love. Is it possible to hate something or someone you don’t care about? I don’t think so. Divorces: those are some of the bitterest fights. Why? Because there was so much love to start with.

    Selena loved JB. You loved your anorexia. Do you think that hate might only the first step towards a complete release, a state of apathy toward that which was loved? I hope so, because hate only affects and even damages the hater. Hopefully, hate is only used as the massive energy it sometimes takes to break free. I think you’re maybe at the point where you regard ED with half-closed eyes, a dismissive backhand and a “Pffft!” as you turn away.

    The Vineyard Article: That was great!!! All the verses you went through – especially Ephesians 6 – were popping up in my head. Great minds… Ephesians 6 doesn’t use the phrase “arm yourselves,” but it would be appropriate. Weapons are called “arms,” I believe, because they are extensions of our actual flesh and blood arms.

    Here’s a back door to this – the opening soliloquy from Shakespeare’s Richard III:

    “Now are our arms turned into merry monuments, our dreadful marches changed to delightful measures. Grim-visaged war hath smoothed his wrinkled front…”

    He was lamenting the current peace and longing for the days of war. Have our arms of spiritual warfare turned into merry monuments, mere stained-glass church windows and nothing more? Has “Onward Christian Soldiers” become a delightful dance to pipe organ instead of a dreadful spiritual march to “fright the souls of fearful adversaries?” Shouldn’t we, like Richard III long for battle as God’s warriors?

    Well, you certainly set me off tonight! Thanks for sparking so many thoughts for me!

    • Wow that is very profound, thanks for that Jeff. And what a. True statement – hate only damages the hater. Amen!!! And thanks for reading the WINE article! Yeah I love Ephesians 6 – God doesn’t mince words, that’s for sure! Glad this sparked those thoughts! I sure enjoyed reading them!! Hope you have a great weekend! Hugs and love xox

    • Thank you so much Daniel! Yes! Selena was brave for putting her healing process out there. Kudos to her! Glad you stopped by! Hugs and love xox

  3. I read your posts. I thank you for your special article. You are an artist with words! P.S., complying with your exhortation to boldly speak truth, but still wanting to always be humble and kind like Tim McGraw sings, there is no contest for souls between God and this present evil world’s puppeteer [loved that phrase!]. Satan can only do what the Master Timer allows [Job shows this] as He carries out His amazing plan that will give all their opportunity for salvation (1 Tim. 2:4).

    • Wow, You’re kind to say that!! Thank you so much!!! You’re right – Job has such a powerful story. So glad you stopped by! Big hugs to you xox

  4. What powerful words in that song and how they can have a double meaning. Isn’t it strange how we can use words such as the ones quoted in your blog to tell people how we found God.

    • Thank you Kenneth! You’re so right – those were powerful lyrics, and something that everyone can relate to! So glad you stopped by! Hugs and love xox

    • It’s SUCH a great song, isn’t it?!? I totally agree. Thanks Lisa! Have an awesome night! Hugs and love xox

    • It really is a great song. Thanks for stopping by! Glad it resonated with you! Hugs and love xox

  5. Caralyn, I can relate to the song and your post. We all have to let go of destructive habits, over eating, gossiping, pride, oh the list goes on. It is only when we release the issue and trust God that healing comes. Love and hugs! XOXO

    • I’m so glad you can relate! Oh yes – I’m with you on that – I’ve got a list too! Amen! Hugs and love xox


    ◇ – Diamond Hard – ◇

    ◇ It’s Crystal Clear Clarity that Some of Us Really Do Understand Suffering, Forgiveness and Boundaries 🤓 ; yet Others Allow Bad Behaviours to Continue in The Mistaken Belief that Behaviours WILL!!! Improve with ALL Sweetness and Light 😔 …that is until Furious, Raging Resentment Kicks In 😠 ; so, watch’ya gonna do next 🤔 ? So I Suggest with ALL Your Perceived Power Sit Down, Be Humble and Just Be; whatever NEEDS!!! Knowing or Remembrance in ANY GIVEN MOMENT!!! doesn’t NEED FORCING!!!

    ◇ – Diamond Hard – ◇



    ◇ – Diamond Hard – ◇

    Many Serial Daters may consider Futures Dates in a Different Light; with an InExhaustible List of Questions Like:

    ◇ “What are your sexual preferences 🤔?”
    ◇ “Are you psycho 🤔 ?”
    ◇ “How many kids do you want 🤔 ?”

    …and Other such ‘Inappropriate’ Dating Questions; it’s Crystal Clear Clarity that doing things the same way and expecting different results is mad, nutty, dumb, confused, crazy, delusional et al…this with a Very, Due Respectful Nod in The Direction of Mr Albert Einstein; a Scientist who was NEVER!!! Comfortable with The Idea of Quantum UnCertainty Famously Stating “God does not play dice with The Universe.”…

    ◇ – Diamond Hard – ◇



    ♡ So You Don’t Trust YourSelf EveryOne instead Trusting to Other ‘Authority’ such as a White Elderly Man with a Long White Beard or Other ‘Divine’ Male, Godly Manifestations while Totally Ignoring Goddess; Poor You, I’ll Observe from a Distance while SHE!!! Rips You Apart 😆😅😄😃😂😁😀😉😊



    ♡ I Seek Solutions instead of Promoting Problems EveryOne; it’s Crystal Clear Clarity that We ALL Have Limitations yet We Can ALL Do Things Others Struggle To Do so I Suggest Figure Out Your Weaknesses and Strengths


  7. thanks for the song recommendation, I’ll give it a listen. even though I’ve never listened to her music before, you certainly provide a compelling case for doing so.

    • Thanks so much Jim! Yeah it’s actually a terrific song. Very powerful. Glad you stopped by! Hugs and love xox

  8. Honestly I dont follow Selena of Justin, but I do follow you. It’s been my experience that regardless of where you are in life, who you are and where you are going, when you put positive things into the world positive things eventually flow back to you. You are a good example of that, sounds like Selena is too.

    Take care,

    • Hey Karac! I think you’re so right about that – and the world needs more positivity! Thanks for your kind words! Hugs and love xox

  9. You’re right. All of us have something we’re addicted to, Cara. I did not know about Selena and Justin. I’m with you though, beautiful ballad. I enjoyed this post, very heartfelt and relatable.

  10. “Whatever it is, there will come a point when we’ve reached our break point, and the only way out is up: Up to the Father. Surrendering it all because that’s our last resort. And only hope.”
    The wonderful thing about God is that while we view Him as a last resort, He really should be our first. He tells us to come boldly to His throne of grace. He wants us to come to Him as the first resort. So your next statement that He is our only hope really clarifies that. Excellent post.

    • You’re so right about that – He should be our first!! Thanks for stopping by C! Hope you have a great weekend! Hugs and love xox

    • Oops, hit reply by accident. Anyway , we must replace the destructive habits and beliefs with truth . Jesus is our only freedom from the tyranny of the obsession of self .

    • You’re so right about that!! Thanks for stopping by! Have a beautiful weekend! Hugs and love xox

  11. Caralyn, I love this post. Gosh… you keep going to new depths and I love seeing you transform and grow. I am a huge fan of song analysis and relating it to my life which is why I began my Music & Musings series of posts. Music has such a way of healing our souls and sharing our pain with others so they realize they aren’t alone. You’ve shared a beautiful sentiment about her song here. Thank you.

    • Hi Shell!! oh gosh you are just too kind, thank you my dear friend. I am too! I love diving into songs — they’re such intimate expressions of the heart. so awesome! big hugs to oyu xox

  12. I’ve admired Selena Gomez for years. She, and you, have been like caterpillars, slowly transforming into butterflies. Both of you are spreading your wings and flying. Hugs to you, friend!

    • oh gosh, that is truly so kind, thank you! i’m honored to be in the same sentence as Selena!! hahah but i really like her too. Inspiring story 🙂 You’re that butterfly too, my friend! don’t forget that!!!! 😉 big big hugs Laura Beth xoxoxoxox

  13. We write the songs and the posts to help us let go and forgive, both ourselves and the one who hurt us… and at the same time, we write so we may never forget … because forgetting loses the lesson. — tsk

    • i think you’re so right about that! they’re intimate eexpressions of the heart! so glad you stopped by Tony. you made me think! hugs xo

  14. You are describing the human condition very well here. While our life experiences are different it is true we come to crossroads somewhere along the way, maybe several times, when we have to decide on the proper road to travel. You described the need to move away from what we were. In my case I had to include in that movement leaving all my previous friends behind because if I’d stayed friends with them I could never have made a full break away from what was weighing down on my spiritual awareness and progress forward. Sometimes you just have to cut and run seeking the company of those who can help resolve deep seated recognized needs and help on progress forward..

    • Thanks Ian. You’re right, sometimes we have to leave that which is bad for us in the past. Hugs and love xox

  15. So this blog is on my street. I have been doing a lot bridge burning and so has God. The thing I am realizing is that I was settling for counterfeit versions of friendship and activity. I know my worth and cannot accept anything that does not line up with God’s best for my life. Thank you for being candid and honest. I read your article on the other website. I am so glad God is increasing your platform to reach more people to hear your voice. We need to be radical for Jesus and not be ashamed or quiet. Our voices have to be raised on behalf of God. Keep up the excellent work my sister in Christ.

    • You’re SO ON POINT with this Ada — God has the best for us, and we need to just get out of the way to let Him work! And yes!!! your worth demands nothing less than His best! cheering for this response! thanks so much for stopping by! big hugs xo

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