So Steven and I are back in NYC this week. The city where we met, fell in love, got engaged, and…moved away from!
Sadly, New York is not what it used to be, but it is always fun to come back and visit our old haunts. Especially the places we used to go when we first started dating.
Which is fitting because this week, buzzing around the internet is this viral “list” of places women “absolutely refuse” to go on a first date.
I’ve attached it below for your entertainment. And mind you, this list has been viewed over 21 million times!
Now, before I get into the story of Steven and my first date, I need to address this abomination of a list.
As a woman, I am ashamed of my fellow women and their entitled attitude that would turn up their nose to a date to the Cheesecake Factory, or Olive Garden, or Applebees. That is just so arrogant to think that one is above a chain restaurant. Honestly, it makes me sick.
Here, this gentleman worked up the courage to ask you out, and will be spending his hard-earned money on treating you for dinner, and you’re going to scoff because he chose a chain restaurant?! That just, honestly, is so distasteful.
There are a few, however, that I think are legitimate: the gym…not for a first date. Your or his house…in terms of safety with someone you just met: not wise. Family functions…perhaps a bit bold for a first date, but there could be an exception. The movies: a classic, but I would want to talk to you and get to know you — not sit in silence.
But going for coffee, going for ice cream, going to a sports event…those are great first dates! I’ve even gone on dates to big young adult masses in the city…granted not on a first date, but if it’s something that both parties are excited to do, then go for it!
I just think this list makes women look so shallow and judgmental and frankly, entitled. And it’s disappointing.
Which leads me to my first date with my husband, Steven.
Allow me to set the stage: We had been friends for 10 years. So the whole, first date thing, it was more of a…this is the first time we were actually hanging out one-on-one. Which adds a whole ‘nother layer of intricacy to the dynamic.
But our first date was at Monarch, which is a rooftop bar in Midtown Manhattan that turns into a dance floor after about 10pm. Which…was absolutely our vibe.
You see, we truly fell in love on the dance floor, dancing to Latin Reggaeton music. And though we would always arrive with our group of friends (we were in the same friend group), by the end of the night, it was always just the two of us, dancing to J Balvin or Bad Bunny.
But anyway, we met for drinks after work on a Thursday…very New York. Had two drinks at the bar where we talked a lot about things that, even though we’d been friends for 10 years, we hadn’t gotten to a deep level like that. Vulnerable. Sharing things about who we are that never really come up in normal New York City weekend crew-type friendships.
And the rest is history.
Our chemistry was absolutely undeniable, but we were hesitant to upset the applecart, if you will, because we were in the same friend group.
And even though we thought we were being undercover about the whole deal, we found out later that our friends were onto us the whole time. 🙂
So anyway — I guess we violated the viral list, since we went to a place that just a) serves drinks, and b) is a nightclub. Both things that so woman somewhere turned her nose up at for a first date. So there you go. Guess you can’t trust everything you read on the internet since…we ended up getting married!
Long story short: ladies: go with the flow. Seriously, how unattractive to think you’re better than a chain restaurant. He’s spending his hard-earned money on you: be grateful, for cryin’ out loud!
19 responses to “The [Viral] List of Places [Entitled] Women Refuse to Go on a First Date vs. My First Date with My Husband”
Thank you for saying this! It needed to be said.
Lol, my first date with my husband was at Applebee’s! And it was my idea. 😅 I just really like Applebee’s and thought it seemed like a cool vibe. Then we went to the mall next door to walk around and talk. I guess the millennial in me is showing! Your date sounded way cooler.
New York isn’t what it used to be—a few quick facts:
Murder rates New York City 5 per 100,000
Cincinnati 35 per 100,00
In Ohio more than 18,000 children go missing every year
At least five Ohio Catholic priests — in Steubenville, Strongsville, Toledo and Cincinnati — have been convicted for sex abuse in the past five years, Fox News.
I think my first date with my husband was at the movie theater and the mall afterwards 😂 We split a popcorn and shared a Cinnabon at the mall! One of our favorite places to go on dates is MCDs, mostly for coffee and ice cream. We are very basic people but it works haha
We met at a home town dance. Lots of mutual friends introduced us. But our first date was two weeks later. It’s not on the list. Well … maybe it qualifies as a sports event. We went waterskiing. That was 67 years ago!
Great pics! And what a beautiful smile in that wedding photo 🥰
One big difference: you got married.
Those women? The chances of their closing the deal before hitting The Wall are rather slim.
Definitely needs to be said. My daughters LOVED ice cream or coffee for first dates. Safe, no time pressure, and easy to talk and get to know one another. Plus, for broke college kids, it’s just good for all involved!
Wow, that’s terrible. I was reading through the list and thinking, what the heck is left?? 😂 I also had a first date from the list and I was on cloud 9. Shame on those women.
If you take out everything on that list, what’s left for a first date? I’ve never understood dating, and the existence of this list just makes me feel like that all the more.
It’s been over a year since I’ve been on a date, but now that I think about, my last first date was a regional chain restaurant (around 12 locations) not on this last. The first date before that was a coffee date, suggested by her. And the first date before that (which led to a year and a half relationship, which sadly is my longest) was the same location of the same aforementioned regional chain restaurant 😂😂
Well said! My first date with my OH was a sports’ game and 47 years later, we’re still together.
My husband and I had our first date at a music gig for a rock band from Birmingham UK I had never heard of. That was back in 1988. It was great fun and over the years we have “recreated” that first date whenever said band are performing and we can see them. The lead singer is now 82 and still ripping it up with his guitar and great vocals..we saw him last week perform and it was great fun. I wouldn’t have picked a rock gig as my first date but so glad I said yes.
Hey Caralyn 🙂
*lovely* story! 😀
I find it somewhat funny that it showed up on my WP-reader right next to a longreads story about a Scientific American article about what *attracts* people to “horror” situations (I haven’t read it yet, but it did go on my reading / reviewing list 😉 )
🙂 Norbert
I love your perspective on this. Some women really think “I deserve, I demand…”. I don’t let men behave this way toward me-why should anyone mistreat or disrespect their date? It is shallow. I love your blog-may you and your husband have many more “first dates!”
That list is so weird. My advice that I give to almost everyone – that first date should be very low-key, low-pressure, low-investment of both time and money. This is your chance to talk to them and figure out basic compatibility (i.e. whether you want to invest MORE time and MORE money actually dating them!).
My suggested first-date standby is coffee or tea, because: 1) total cost is $10 – $12 (or less); 2) you can cut it short if you don’t get along, or you can sit and talk for hours if you do; 3) if you DO get along and don’t want it to end, there’s no rule that says you can’t go to dinner, take a walk, go get drinks, or whatever.
So, weirdly, I wouldn’t want to go to any of those places for a first date because I think a first date should be even more low-key than any of those places. (Caralyn, your story is different – I’m talking about the type of first date where you DON’T know the person ahead of time.)
I agree. I do think that, though there are exceptions, as a general rule the man should ask the lady out on the first date and have a specific location and activity in mind. I’m a bit old fashioned but I believe there’s something to be said for men wooing their lady. No wishy washy casual sort of date like things. He should be straight up about his intentions to treat her to an afternoon or evening out with no other motive than to simply get to know her better. No woman wants to be sitting across from a man at dinner trying to figure out if this he’s romantically interested or just a friend. That said, I absolutely agree that there’s no reason this outing has to cost and arm and a leg or require inhuman levels of originality on his part. My husband asked me to church for our first date and I was thrilled because it meant I could wear a dress without feeling like I was overdressed as I’d often felt it necessary to tone down my girly side for first dates where the men arrived in shorts and crocs with socks. Afterward, my now husband and I grabbed lunch at a burger joint in town and walked down the street for ice cream. It was the perfect first date for us and I wouldn’t have changed a thing!
“Guess you can’t trust everything you read on the internet…”
WHAT!? You mean I didn’t really win an island off the coast of Maine and just have to send $30,000 processing fee to a bank in Libya!?😂😂
I read this last night shortly after my wife and I got home from dinner celebrating the 26th anniversary of our first date. (The actual anniversary was earlier in the week but we had a Bible study that evening.)
I had to chuckle at this list because it left very few options. For the record, my wife and I went to a movie followed by a chain restaurant. Worked for us. I think we’ve done 25 of those 28 activities together since then.
I’ve never seen this list before and found it surprising. Yes, a few items are obvious, but the rest are just petty. My first date with my husband was at a chain restaurant and we then went to a movie. The movie was pathetic, but I will watch it when it’s available occasionally because of the great memories of that date. We will have been married 30 years this coming March.