Have you ever had one of those moments where you can see, in crystal clear, 20/20 vision, your life come full circle right before your very eyes?
It’s a surreal thing, and typically is a bit jarring, in a good way.
Well, I had one of those experiences just this past Monday.
If you follow my Instagram, (@beauty.beyond.bones), then you know that this past Monday, I was shooting a commercial.
Yep! It was out at this amazing Airbnb in Williamsburg, Brooklyn, complete with a four story grand spiral staircase and a back wall of floor to ceiling sliding glass doors that opened up onto a gorgeous terrace in their private backyard.
And oh yeah, they have an entire room that’s a shower — the whole ceiling is a rain shower faucet.
Anywho – that is where my commercial was being shot.
Well. Here’s where the full circle comes into play: the commercial itself.
I was cast to be the model in a haircare commercial. And, I cannot say the brand for NDA purposes right now, but it’s definitely a brand you’ve heard of.
But sitting in the makeup chair, as the hair and makeup artist was commenting on the volume and amount of hair I had, I looked in the mirror, and saw the full journey my life has taken. For a moment, I had a vivid memory of nearly 14 years ago, looking into the mirror during my anorexia, and having just a pitifully sparse head of about four inches of peach fuzz.
You see, one of the consequences of being so severely malnourished and underweight is that all your hair falls out. And at 78 pounds, my body was literally doing everything it could to stay alive. After all, that’s how we’re created: our body has a will to live, and will fight to preserve it, even if the person is actively trying to destroy it, like I was in my anorexia.
But in an effort to stay alive, the body will “shut down” all of its unnecessary functions, so as to focus all of the limited energy it has available into organ function.
And so, that’s why, in addition to losing their periods, girls will lose their hair. Because the body is fighting like hell to stay alive.
I remember it well. Though I was in a brain fog for most of my anorexia, I remember how, practically overnight, I went from this beautiful, thick mane of curly hair, to literal peach fuzz.
I was hideous. I had never felt uglier, and yet, and I felt it was what I deserved. I believed that my dark insides finally matched my outside. It was just another barrier to keep people at arm’s length so that I could be alone with my disease. Alone with the eating disorder that had become my everything.
Sitting there in that makeup chair on Monday, with my hair back and as full and curly as ever, I couldn’t help but thank God for the restoration He’s facilitated in my life…down to every last hair on my head.
Had you asked me during that darkness in my anorexia if I would ever believe that I would be doing a hair commercial one day down the line, I would have said, never in a million years. I was completely incapable of envisioning a life that wasn’t spent worshipping my anorexia, let alone having a future…and a hair commercial? Give me a break!
Luke 12:7 “Indeed, the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows.“
All I could think about on Monday was that verse. God knew every single hair that fell out of my head during my anorexia. And you know what? He was grieving right along with me, and my mother, and my loved ones. He grieved for the destruction I was inflicting on myself — His child — and the beautiful body He entrusted me with.
And isn’t it just amazing that in His incredible mercy, He restored every single hair follicle? And not just in a “Manager’s Special,” counterfeit, oh-this-will-do kind of way…no. He restored it fully. To the point that I would be cast in a freaking haircare commercial.
I mean, when you think about it that way…you gotta laugh at God’s sense of humor!
God loves to restore. We saw it with Lazarus. We saw it with Paul. We saw it with Peter. The leper, the paralyzed man on the mat, the daughter of the synagogue leader, the high priest’s servant, and all of the miracles in the bible! God loves to restore.
Because He loves us. He loves us so incredibly much.
I think He likes to wink at us every now and then, just to remind us and make sure we’re paying attention.
He sure did with me this week!
Have you ever seen your life come full circle? Where have you seen God’s restorative hand in your life?
“This is what the Lord says to these bones: I will make breath enter you, and you will come to life.” Ez 37:5
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