Hair Full of Secrets

Have you ever had one of those moments where you can see, in crystal clear, 20/20 vision, your life come full circle right before your very eyes?

It’s a surreal thing, and typically is a bit jarring, in a good way.

Well, I had one of those experiences just this past Monday.

If you follow my Instagram, (@beauty.beyond.bones), then you know that this past Monday, I was shooting a commercial.

Yep! It was out at this amazing Airbnb in Williamsburg, Brooklyn, complete with a four story grand spiral staircase and a back wall of floor to ceiling sliding glass doors that opened up onto a gorgeous terrace in their private backyard.

And oh yeah, they have an entire room that’s a shower — the whole ceiling is a rain shower faucet.

Anywho – that is where my commercial was being shot.

Well. Here’s where the full circle comes into play: the commercial itself.

I was cast to be the model in a haircare commercial. And, I cannot say the brand for NDA purposes right now, but it’s definitely a brand you’ve heard of.

But sitting in the makeup chair, as the hair and makeup artist was commenting on the volume and amount of hair I had, I looked in the mirror, and saw the full journey my life has taken. For a moment, I had a vivid memory of nearly 14 years ago, looking into the mirror during my anorexia, and having just a pitifully sparse head of about four inches of peach fuzz.

You see, one of the consequences of being so severely malnourished and underweight is that all your hair falls out. And at 78 pounds, my body was literally doing everything it could to stay alive. After all, that’s how we’re created: our body has a will to live, and will fight to preserve it, even if the person is actively trying to destroy it, like I was in my anorexia.

But in an effort to stay alive, the body will “shut down” all of its unnecessary functions, so as to focus all of the limited energy it has available into organ function.

And so, that’s why, in addition to losing their periods, girls will lose their hair. Because the body is fighting like hell to stay alive.

I remember it well. Though I was in a brain fog for most of my anorexia, I remember how, practically overnight, I went from this beautiful, thick mane of curly hair, to literal peach fuzz.

I was hideous. I had never felt uglier, and yet, and I felt it was what I deserved. I believed that my dark insides finally matched my outside. It was just another barrier to keep people at arm’s length so that I could be alone with my disease. Alone with the eating disorder that had become my everything.

Sitting there in that makeup chair on Monday, with my hair back and as full and curly as ever, I couldn’t help but thank God for the restoration He’s facilitated in my life…down to every last hair on my head.

Had you asked me during that darkness in my anorexia if I would ever believe that I would be doing a hair commercial one day down the line, I would have said, never in a million years. I was completely incapable of envisioning a life that wasn’t spent worshipping my anorexia, let alone having a future…and a hair commercial? Give me a break!

Luke 12:7 “Indeed, the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows.

All I could think about on Monday was that verse. God knew every single hair that fell out of my head during my anorexia. And you know what? He was grieving right along with me, and my mother, and my loved ones. He grieved for the destruction I was inflicting on myself — His child — and the beautiful body He entrusted me with.

And isn’t it just amazing that in His incredible mercy, He restored every single hair follicle? And not just in a “Manager’s Special,” counterfeit, oh-this-will-do kind of way…no. He restored it fully. To the point that I would be cast in a freaking haircare commercial.

I mean, when you think about it that way…you gotta laugh at God’s sense of humor!

God loves to restore. We saw it with Lazarus. We saw it with Paul. We saw it with Peter. The leper, the paralyzed man on the mat, the daughter of the synagogue leader, the high priest’s servant, and all of the miracles in the bible! God loves to restore.

Because He loves us. He loves us so incredibly much.

I think He likes to wink at us every now and then, just to remind us and make sure we’re paying attention.

He sure did with me this week!

Have you ever seen your life come full circle? Where have you seen God’s restorative hand in your life?

“This is what the Lord says to these bones: I will make breath enter you, and you will come to life.” Ez 37:5


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88 responses to “Hair Full of Secrets”

  1. The first thing I have to say is that the picture at the top is a great look on you! Haven’t seen you quite like that before. I was thinking of God winking, and a second later you wrote it.

    I can remember that by the end of 2011 I truly believed I would be dead within two years just from the stress of bankruptcy and losing everything and still having to work like a dog for table scraps. I’d never been so low. Now I’m a home owner again and Julie and I are back with good jobs and able to take care of things.

    Like you said – He restores. I’m thankful for my restoration and quite frankly for yours. You continue to be a blessing in my life. Hugs…

    • Hey Jeff! It really was a wink from God wasn’t it?! Wow. Thank you so much for sharing that. God really brings us from the depths to new life! And what a beautiful thing that is. Grateful for you my friend. Hugs and love to you and your girls XOXO

  2. What a wonderful, inspiring testimony of God’s ability to restore what we so often fail to appreciate when we have it. Your transparency is so refreshing in a world that tries so hard to hide the shadowy parts of their life. It’s not just your family members who are proud of you. I am, too.

    • Thank you so much Raleigh! Amen to that. He loves to restore. And I will gladly be on the receiving end of that any day! I appreciate your kind words. Hugs and love XOXO

  3. Thank you for sharing! God is a God of restoration! I know he is creating something new! God restored my father. He and my mom stayed together more than 60 years! Now I’m celebrating my mom‘s 90th birthday over on my blog. Thanks for continuing to inspire!

    • Thank you Laurie. Amen to that! He is in the business of miracles! Oh wow! That’s awesome! Happy birthday to your beautiful mother! What a joy! Hugs and love xox

  4. Caralyn, thank you for sharing your story. It is so inspiring to see restoration and that you are doing better than before the ED days. God has brought you through and given you so much more in the process!

    • oh my gosh, what a kind thing to say! thank you so much! i’m touched! Hugs and love xox

  5. I love the book of Job! A man so desperate, and pleading with Jesus to finish him. Sores all over his body, he had lost every thing he loved. God fully gave back to him all that was taken from him, and then some.
    That is how I feel in my journey of recovery. The more I do the next right thing in honoring God the more He gives back to me. Never to be taken for granted either. I can never forget where I came from. I have to start each morning with God, and His will not mine. That is not to say some days I don’t fall into self, but I usually quickly realize when I am running off of self will run riot. God is always right there to get be back on track. The years I allowed the locusts to eat away are being given back to me as I write this.

    Thank you for sharing, my recovery is solely contingent on my spiritual house. It has to remain in order for me to remain sober. Sober is a way of life, you can be sober but not act sober. I have to stay keeping on keeping on to win the race. God has been more than gracious to me. By looks of your hair, he has you as well. God bless! 💜🥰 💁‍♀️

    • Hi Lisa! Thank you so much for sharing this powerful perspective, and your story! I am so moved. Yes! We can never forget where we came from, nor the enormous blessing God has given us! Hugs and love xox

  6. Praise God for His great care of you! Nothing and no one is hopeless, He is truly there to hug you back to health as soon as we let Him. So glorious to have that living testimony of that truth. Praise God! Love you as always, my beautiful friend. Hugs!XO😃♥️

    • Thank you so much Dacia! Yes! He really loves blessing us beyond measures! He’s in the business of miracles! Hugs and love xox

  7. What a mighty God we serve! Yes! He is the restorer of our souls, our minds, our bodies…He can heal us everywhere we hurt. God Bless you lil sis. Keep testifying. Your words are setting captives free in ways you know not. My Lord and My God…I love You Lord. Thank You for Your Goodness and Mercy unto us! Hallelujah!!!

    • Hi Silvana! Amen to that – He is might to save! 🙂 how blessed are we. Thank you for this wonderful note! Hugs and love xox

    • Hi Mark! thank you so much – full circle indeed. hahah We have a good good Father! 🙂 Hugs and love xox

  8. So wonderful to see your glowing health! <3

    As far as me, I'm in a good place right now after years of stress, which I like to attribute to working hard to get past some of my issues. But there definitely has been "luck" involved as well.

    Take care 🙂

  9. You and your presence and soul are a blessing and always respect when one can overcome so much and the power of God gives you strength and you come back even stronger,your vibe and being are a reflection of greatness

    • oh my gosh, thank you so much for your kind words. Yes! God has been so good and i am grateful every single day! Hugs and love xox

    • aw thank you Kenneth, that means a lot. it was fun getting my hair and makeup done that day! i hope your week is off to a great start! Hugs and love xox

  10. Ah Caralyn what wonderful proof of God’s love and caring even when we start to wander away from him. And also the example you live of his love. Keep sharing your message. It is special and so needed in our world. You are a blessing to me. Thanks. John

    • Hi John – oh gosh thank you so much! yes! every time i brush my hair I thank God for His restoring hand in my life! so glad this resonated with you! Hugs and love xox

  11. Awesome! It reminds me of Joel 2:25; I will restore the years that the locust has eaten.

    Now if God would restore my receding hairline I’d be a happy man haha!

    • THank you so much Lee! Oh wow – I’ve never heard that verse, but I love it! hahha you’re too funny! Hugs and love xox

      • That was a verse a friend gave me when I was going through my divorce, my sister dying, and losing my career all in a matter of months. It brought me through some very dark times knowing some day all would be made right

      • Oh wow, what an incredible road you have traveled, my friend. Praise God for providing His comfort through the Bible! Hugs and love xox

  12. Thanks for your honesty and strength and hope again! Here’s a quote I shared with my student teachers today: “Hope costs nothing.” Collette (and I added a gif from Annie musical).

    • oh that’s awesome. Yes! those full circle moments are reminders of His love! Hugs and love xox

  13. I’ve been restored many times. When I was a child, I had the dream of playing guitar and singing songs that I wrote. But then when I was around 15, I put down my guitar due to feeling “not good enough.” Years and years later, in a deep misery over feeling a tremendous hole in my soul, I “heard” in my heart a voice that asked me to “get my guitar.” I did – and slowly I wrote songs which slowly led me to go deeply into my faith, which led me to radically follow Jesus, which led me back to college and a Master’s degree in Religious and Pastoral Studies, which led me to a new career (calling) in ministry, which led to recording four albums of original songs and writing two devotional books. God is definitely in the “restoration business”! Not to go on and on, but I also remember vividly having a minor surgery when I was a kid. As I lay on the gurney before going to the Operating Room, I remember looking up at the light overhead and “hearing” in my heart that all would be well, and that I should take comfort in this moment and this thought because I would need it later in life. Around 25 years later, I remembered it well as I looked up at the light overhead as I was being hurriedly wheeled into the Operating Room in another hospital for an emergency appendectomy. It was a comforting balm in a traumatic time. God is good!

    • Thank you so much Bill for sharing your story. I’m so glad you picked back up the guitar! wow! and my goodness, what a powerful full circle moment in the hospital. I’m glad everything is okay now! Hugs and love xox

  14. Wow, I had tears in my eyes from being filled with so much gratefulness to God for my hair as well, it took me back to the day my hair came out in clumps in my hands from chemotherapy and I cried, I cried loudly and I grieved as my long fu curly hair just fell. I cried as my younger brother shaved my head, but I had to trust him that what was lost he would restore and abundantly, and he has. Thank you for sharing.

    • Oh Loren, thank you so much for sharing your powerful story. My goodness, what a road you have traveled. Praise God that He has restored you abundantly! that brings by heart so much joy! Hugs and love xox

  15. Great post. What a testimony to God’s grace and restoration. Thanks for sharing this inspiration. Congratulations on landing the commercial gig too! Here’s to your best success and blessings.


    • Thank you so much Zik! yes! His restoring power is truly amazing! glad you stopped by! Hugs and love xox

    • Thank you so much for sharing your story. I’m so sorry you can so personally relate. Yes – thank God for wigs! another little blessing given to us from a loving Father! Hugs and love xox

    • aw, thank you so much Thompson! I’m so glad this was an enjoyable read for you! yes! gotta keep on keepin on! Hugs and love xox

    • thank you so much! yes! God is so good and I’m grateful to Him for restoring me! Hugs and love xox

  16. That is an amazing head of hair! God is so good… to have come from a few strands of peach fuzz to that recovery of gorgeous locks… a miracle indeed! God bless you, {{{Caralyn!}}} <3

    • oh my gosh thank you Jan!!! 🙂 God is good and i am so grateful for His healing power! Hugs and love xox

  17. Full circle ⭕️
    That’s so good, and good to hear 😀

    I do not write much on this, but for me…
    A good life, before Christian faith. Then, I lost much… And now, things have turned around…

    • thank you so much David! glad things have turned around for you! Hugs and love xox

  18. Wow…your post has truly touched me; and that’s no wonder–the way you express yourself, with such heart, is POWERFUL. Thank you SO very much for helping all of us to heal, in part through what you’re sharing. Sincerely, Art.

    • Thank you so much Art! I’m so glad this hit home with you 🙂 I am so grateful for your kind words. Yes! I think, especially after all these years, we’re all in need of healing.Hugs and love xox

  19. Big or little God’s grace is unending. ❤️ I am so happy for your Caralyn – may His grace never end and may you always be the beacon of light that you are, shining all glory onto Him! ❤️ HUGS!!!!!

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