HELP! What is YOUR Best Parenting Advice!?

Posted on by beautybeyondbones

Hey friends!! And happy Monday!

Steven is back in Ohio and gosh, it seems like the weekend just absolutely FLEW by! Plans after plans after plans, and I’ve gotta tell ya: it’s really fun to be pregnant. Because people are always so excited for you when you see them!

I’m sure if you didn’t like to be the center of attention, this sort of “spotlight” of sorts would be your worst nightmare…but hello: I’m actor and for me, the world is a stage 😉

Juuuuuuust kidding. Well, to a certain degree. LOL!!!

But one of the things I’ve SO enjoyed — and appreciated — is hearing from seasoned parents their advice: what to expect, things they’ve learned along the parenting journey, helpful products or techniques or strategies that worked for all things sleeping, bathing, eating, diaper changing etc.

And since Steven and I are coming from NYC (where no one has babies) to the midwest — where people our age are on baby #3 — we’ve been blessed to have a plethora of friends share their nuggets of parenting wisdom with us.

SOOO…my question for YOU tonight, is WHAT ARE YOUR BEST PARENTING TIPS?

I would absolutely LOVE to hear some advice and wisdom you’ve gathered. Steven and I had so much fun going through all the marriage advice comments you left. SO if you would be so kind as to leave your parenting wisdom in the comments section, we would SO APPRECIATE IT!

Because right now, I’m feeling a bit like a deer in headlights thinking about being responsible for keeping a tiny human alive and well!!

So thank you in advance! I hope you all have the most wonderful evening! I’m going to go downstairs and make Chicken Pad Thai for my husband and I!! (Which I will be sharing the recipe for soon!!)

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beautybeyondbones

BBB: Because we're all recovering from something. // For speaking/business inquiries: beautybeyondbones@yahoo.com

146 thoughts on “HELP! What is YOUR Best Parenting Advice!?”

    1. Congratulations BBB,

      Its great to see how your heart is already looking ahead to the joy and responsibilities of being a new mom.

      I did say, sort through all the advice & tip, what resounds with the values that you want to impact? Please run with it because every child is different so one size cannot fit all.

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      1. thank you so much Melinda! we are over the moon! 🙂 you’re right – one size does not fit all! great tip! thank you 🙂 Hugs and love xox

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    2. that is great advice, Alice! thank you! i actually just bookmarked a podcast episode on the Lila Rose podcast where she’s talking with Dr. Erica somebody and basically she’s saying the same thing — that there is no amount of skin to skin contact that is too much! this is awesome, thank you! Hugs and love xox

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  2. Speaking as a father of 4 young adults who LOVE to come home now that they’re out of the nest, Your goal is to work yourself out of a job. Secondly, you are 1st and foremost their parent/ not their “buddy” Parenting is such a high calling. You’ll make great parents.

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    1. Work yourself out of a job — that one made me think! And i love that: parent first! thank you DM for these awesome tips!! Hugs and love xox

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  3. Best parenting advice? Pray, pray, pray for your baby every day, and record your prayers in the baby book or a journal. Then–read, read, read to your baby, starting the very first week. Your children will grow up with a love for reading and learning. You can never have too many children’s books! And the library is a great place to take your little ones!

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    1. ohhhhh yes that is wonderful advice. thank you!!! and i love the idea of writing the prayers down in a journal. how beautiful. and yes!! my mom used to be a reading recovery teacher for elementary school kids, so reading was also a big part of my growing up (and she saved all her books!) so i am so excited to read to our little one! 🙂 thanks for this great advice!

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  4. I have 5. My best advice is to trust yourself, follow your baby’s cues, and ignore all unwanted advice. How you feed your baby, what type of diapers, and whether you co-sleep are all personal choices. Just enjoy every moment, even the hard ones, because they don’t last long

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    2. Hi Kristie, thank you so much for this wonderful advice. 5 kids! that is so beautiful!!! ah yes — enjoy every moment. that’s a good one too. everyone said that about our actual wedding day too: that it goes by in the blink of an eye, and boy were they right! i can only imagine how that relates to children as well! Hugs and love xox

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  5. Absolutely no one will know your child the way you will know your child so, listen to yourself and your instinct, do what you know is right, be the best parent you can be, and them love them and also, love yourself when they make bad choices of their own…that starts at about two years old and is only a preview of what’s to come later! lol Breathe deep, open your heart to accept and give love, pray A LOT!, and just enjoy!

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    1. thank you for this amazing advice. that’s something i hadn’t thought about yet, but how it will impact my heart when my child chooses to make a bad choice. great advice to continue to love myself through it!! amen!! can’t wait! Hugs and love xox

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  6. Congratulations! I have loved parenting my five children who are now 31, 28, 28, 24, and 15. I am still in the thick of it with my youngest who is also my only daughter. Advice. hmmm…here are a few pieces of advice that have served me and my wife well. Admittedly, this just barely scratches the surface on the sorts of advice one would benefit from, and some of this may not even seem very monumental.

    1) make loving your spouse a high priority even when you are immersed in parenting. When children grow up in this kind of environment there is tremendous security, and the love you model to your spouse in front of your children will positively shape them.

    2) spend quiet time with God every day, but allow your children to see your devotion. My father-in-law told me often that he prayed for me every day. Those could have been just words, but whenever they were spending days or weeks with us in our home I would see him reading his Bible and praying for an hour every morning. This made a huge impact on my wife as she grew up, and it even made a huge impact on me as an adult.

    3) God disciplines those he loves, and as parents you will need to discipline your children. Clay Trumbull, Hints on Child Training was pivotal in helping me to understand the importance of training a child’s will without breaking a child’s will. Here’s a snippet from his book on the subject:

    The term will as here employed applies to the child’s faculty of choosing or deciding between two courses of action. Breaking a child’s will is bringing the pressure of external force directly upon that will, and causing the will to give way under the pressure of that force. Training a child’s will is bringing such influences to bear upon the child that he is ready to choose or decide in favor of the right course of action.

    To break a child’s will is to crush out for the time being, and so far to destroy, the child’s privilege of free choice; it is to force him to an action against his choice, instead of inducing him to choose in the right direction. A child’s will is his truest personality; the expression of his will in a free choice is the highest expression of his personality. And a child’s personality is to be held sacred by Gods representative who is over the child, even as God himself holds sacred the personality of every human being created in the image of God.

    4) Read to your children even after they know how to read. I treasured the early readers when my children weren’t even verbal, but we all treasured the shared adventures of the Chronicles of Narnia, The Hobbit, and so many classics that it would take me all day to list. My oldest son is now reading Prince Caspian to his six year old and four year old sons, and, of course, he uses distinct voices for each of the characters in the book.

    I will leave you with two poems – one about my four boys as littles, and one about our daughter, who is adopted from China:

    HEAVEN’S GIFTS

    background for the poem: While walking through the Newark airport on the way to China, my wife asked me to write a tribute poem for our daughter Grace who we would be adopting in just two short days. As she asked this, a sparrow flitted through the airport. I was struck with the thought that this bird is trapped inside the airport and probably isn’t even aware of it. I thought this sparrow could provide an appropriate metaphor for Grace’s living conditions in China: Abandoned at birth, confined to the poor, rural lifestyle of her foster parents, suffering through a harsh winter without heat, living under the mantle of communism – and all the while having no awareness of the life that awaited her when she joins us in the states.

    A brown bird flies through hallways narrow
    Then soars above a painted girder.
    I think the bird to be a sparrow,
    Though I am not an avid birder.

    I do know this without a doubt
    The bird is trapped and she’d want out
    If she could only know the facts –
    The freedoms that her world lacks.

    Newark New Jersey’s large airport
    Is no place to live – the sky’s too short.
    For you, sweet sparrow, building-bound
    Praise God for open windows found.

    Here’s to freedom. Now make haste.
    Wing to faster feathered flights.
    “Heaven’s gifts are not to waste,”
    The sparrow sings from freedom’s heights.

    MY SLEEPING ANGELS

    My boys are eating chocolate ice cream,
    Sweeter palates for sweeter dreams.
    Nighttime ritual,
    Delicious victual,
    A favorite habit or so it seems.
    Pajamas on, freshened faces,
    Crisp new sheets, and cleaned-up spaces.
    Imaginations squiggling,
    Comedic acts and giggling.
    Dimmed lights, squinting eyes,
    Reading books by fireflies.
    Closing books, closing eyes,
    I gaze upon my sleeping angels.

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    1. Hi Patrick, thank you for this wonderful advice and those absolutely beautiful poems! I was so touched by your love for your children. And your advice is so powerful — I wrote all four points down and will share them with Steven tonight after work! thank you! the one that really touched me was allowing your children to see your devotion. my parents were really good at this too. Not only did they have a holy hour together every week at church, but my mom led a large bible study at church — which my dad helped her set up and break down the room every week — and my dad has said a daily rosary every single day since I think he was in college. but i have such distinct memories — and memories as recent as last week — of him retreating with those brown and blue beads to pray. i love this comment so much. thank you.

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  7. So many things I’ve learned now that my youngest is 19!
    – First, God is the ultimate parent and the Bible is the ultimate guide. And on that note, the first humans disobeyed Him, so your child/children’s random temper tantrum in the middle of a wedding or grocery store is NOT a reflection on you or your ability to parent (although you do have to train them, just never be embarrassed by them!).

    • Second, remember they are not actually yours; you are just God’s temporary steward of these precious lives to train up (that one is a hard pill to swallow, but necessary).

    • Take nothing for granted.

    • Start praying for them to love the Lord now and never stop!

    • Next, if a behavior will be considered disrespectful or “bad” at 12, it should be treated appropriately at 2 (when you can still pick them up). Even if you have to laugh behind your hand and put on your stern face a second later.

    • On that note, it IS ok to laugh when they do something funny. It’s also OK to cry, to lose your cool sometimes, and to repent and apologize when you are in the wrong (as you will be). Modeling repentance is good for their walk with God and understanding that you are human, too, will not break them. You don’t have to have it all together – you just have to do your best and learn as you both grow. It’s also OK to be honest about this process.

    • Finally, ENJOY the ages and stages – even the hard ones. Look for the good moments in hard times, treasure the golden moments in your heart, be present with the kiddo(s), and remember ALL stages and seasons pass quickly. Keep in mind your job is to train the next generation of functional, responsible, godly adults, and on those days when it seems that isn’t going so well, remind yourself that if they were already trained, you’d be out of a job. 😉

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    1. Hi Heather! Oh my gosh thank you for this amazing advice! i wrote it all down! thank you thank you! Your second point about remembering that we are just God’s temporary stewards of our child(ren) really hit home. Which is also a great reminder that our home is in Heaven and we are all just passing through. Oh there is so much wisdom here. thank you friend for this blessing! Hugs and love xox

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  8. I have followed your beautiful journey for some time. Congratulations! Many prayers and blessings…you Inspire!

    A parent of two adult independent young ladies.
    1. This time will go so-o fast, cherish it.
    2. I saw this in another one of your comments, worth repeating…you are the parent, your child will have friends. If your blessed, when their grown, you may develop a friendship with your child.
    3. “This to shall pass…” everything has a reason & a season. Things happen on God’s timeline
    4. I always remember, “what kind of memory do I want to create?”
    5. Empower is way better than Enable
    6. Have Fun & Laugh…it calming and relaxing

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  9. Beautiful advice in the comments here. I also have five. One thing I’m learning well right now is to accept help when it’s offered! And, don’t feel guilty about it. There will be times you feel helpless, ill equipped, and mega stressed. Let others help and keep praying. God has you, no matter what.
    So excited for you guys. 🙂

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    1. Hi Hannah! right?? I am so grateful for this plethora of wisdom in the comments! it’s better than any parenting book I could get my hands on!!! and ohhhhh I love your tip: accepting help!! oh my gosh i am the worst at that, but i realize that I am going to need to adopt and embrace that. that is such great advice. thank you so much, friend! Hugs and love xox

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    1. Oh Ian, that is the best advice. thank you! we are going to really try to make family prayer a practice we do every day together! Hugs and love xox

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  11. I agree with many other posts that prayer is a must. That’s #1.

    You may feel like you are failing as a parent at one stage of your child’s life, but know that there will be other stages that you will soar and be the best parent ever. No parent is perfect at every stage and you will make mistakes.

    And when they do wrong especially during those trying teenage years, the message should be that you don’t like WHAT they did, but you will always LOVE them unconditionally.

    God Bless you both!

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    1. this is such awesome advice. thank you! and your second point is something that I really resonate with, as a former perfectionist. I need to embrace the messiness that I know will come 🙂 And great point in that last one, that it’s the behavior and not them! so important! thank you for this awesome advice! Hugs and love xox

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    2. by the way, i wrote down what you said about parents having callouses on their knees. that’s going to go on my fridge 🙂

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      1. I’m so pleased that you understand that saying. So simple yet so poignant. And know that as it hangs on your frig, I will be sending good wishes and prayers.
        Hugs to you both! lms

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  12. Parenting is more about learning to control yourself than controlling your children.

    I read this a few weeks ago and it is so true, the more I learn to walk in patience, gentleness etc the less the behaviour issues seem to be. It will definately stretch and grow you. And I’m a big believer in clear boundaries and respect from children which does take effort but worth it in long run.

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    1. Hi Lisa! WOW that first sentence hit me hard! wow wow wow thank you for sharing that! how incredibly true!! i appreciate this awesome advice! Hugs and love xox

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  13. When the baby comes, your attention will tend to shift from each other to the baby! Make sure to find ways to make time for each other! Your relationship needs to continue to grow and not risk stagnation because all your attention is focused on the baby! As your relationship with each other continues to deepen and grow your relationship as a family will also take on deeper dimensions.

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    1. oh this is such a great nugget of wisdom – thank you so much! you’re so right, we need to continue to make time for one another and grow our realationship! that, after all, is one of the greatest gift we can give our child(ren): a model of a loving husband and wife 🙂 Hugs and love xox

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  14. Parenting Advice: Enjoy your baby, even with the sleepless nights and diapers. It goes far too fast! And you be the ones to raise him/her. Don’t let TV, other media, daycare, and even preschool and school provide your child with values. You should be the ones to teach your child the things that mean the most. That takes time and energy and a decision to make what your child learns about life a priority. Last, getting a good education is important, but an education in your values is far, far more important even than doing well school.

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    1. Hi Deborah! oh this is such great advice thank you!! we were warned with how fast our wedding day would go by, and people were right! I can only imagine how fast time flies with children as well! and ohhhhhh i LOVE THAT about not letting tv or other media raise our children. SPOT ON!! and yes! education in values! amen sister. thank you for this wonderful wisdom! Hugs and love xox

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  15. Mother of 7. Having a kid isn’t the same as being a parent. Nobody is perfect and it will be a 24-hour daily job, that will pay you with all the smiles, hugs and tears that you can handle.

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    1. this is awesome advice, thank you! and wow, seven children is so beautiful!! yes — i am so excited for the 24 hour job!! 🙂 Hugs and love xox

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  16. Congratulations! My advice is very simple but very very useful lol when changing diapers use a potty pad under them! Saves your furniture & carpet from messes 😂

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    1. thank you Peter! oooh that is awesome advice! thank you!! yeah, this is one area that frankly I am probably least excited about hahaha Amazing practical tip! Hugs and love xox

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  17. My daughter is only 11 weeks old so my advice is certainly not very seasoned but I have 2 little nuggest to share:

    1: DON’T COUNT THE HOURS
    This advice was given to me at my baby shower. If you’re like me and enjoy at least 8 hours of sleep at night, those first weeks can be challenging. Some nights you’ll be up every 1.5-2 hours, but don’t count how many hours of sleep you get, just be with baby and know sleep will eventually return

    2: PUT YOUR PHONE AWAY
    Especially while breastfeeding/bottle feeding. Their little face changes every day so take it all in and enjoy every moment. It’s easy to want to reach for your phone, especially at 3am when baby is taking FOREVER to eat, but resist the temptation, you’ll be happy you do because that little human changes so fast you’ll be shocked

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    1. Hi Lydia, oh my goodness congratulations on your new bundle of joy!! that is so exciting 🙂 and what great advice, thank you!!! i am a “sleep hours counter” too — have been since I was a little girl (it was important in our family lol) so that’s very wise advice to just let it go for a while. And yes!! i am definitely guilty of too much screen time, so i will take that to heart! thank you! blessings to you and your daughter! will be praying for you both! Hugs and love xox

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  18. Wise advice I received, though I admit it was a challenge: Sleep when the baby sleeps.

    What this means is get all the rest you can when you can! Moms need good rest to keep their sanity, make wise decisions, and have the proper balance of patience and stamina for the demands of this most important job in the world!

    It is so tempting in the first months to get household chores done when the baby (sometimes, Finally!) goes down for a nap. Rather than clean or do laundry, take time to nap and rest. Let others help you with common chores (dusting, vaccuuming, putting away dishes, loading the dishwasher, laundry, etc.

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    1. hi Cathy, oh thank you for this! sleep when the baby sleeps — that is very wise, and also something that this “doer” is going to find very difficult. (especially because I ALSO hate asking for help!) Another piece of advice was to embrace help when it’s offered. So I’m noticing a theme here! I’m going to do my best to find those hours to nap with him or her when and where I can, and let others help! thank you for this wonderful advice! Hugs and love xox

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  19. Remember you are not raising children; you are raising future adults.

    Model character. Discipline firmly but kindly.

    A whisper can be more effective than a raised voice. Save loud voices for emergencies, and they will learn it’s imperative to respond to that dynamic immediately for their safety.

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  20. Hi, congratulations! There’s so much advice that could be given! My main one is to remember that this child is going to be unique and develop at their own pace, which is okay. You may need to do things differently from how others do it, but trust in God to guide you. Also don’t lose who you are along the way, kids need great role models who are strong in faith.

    Praying for you both. X

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    1. Hi Nic, thank you so much! we are absolutely overjoyed!! that is such amazing advice. you’re right – God will guide us! Also, there is so much wisdom in letting our child develop at their own pace. So so good. thank you for your prayers, they are greatly appreciated! Hugs and love xox

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  21. Practical advice from a mother of 3 and grandmother of 10 is to pray. I continue to pray for my children and my grandchildren by name every day ( this includes my in/ law children and the 3 exchange students we had). Make sure you discipline your child as discipline teaches and molds the child and helps them feel secure. After the discipline always explain why and reaffirm your love.
    My doctor with my oldest daughter said to me during one appointment- God made mothers milk for babies and cows milk for cows. Whatever God makes/creates is superior to what man makes.
    You will make wonderful parents. May God bless you and give you a healthy pregnancy, delivery and healthy baby

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    1. Hi Krista! First off, how beautiful to have 10 grandkids!! so awesome. thank you for this beautiful advice. yes! i am handing this child over to God’s protection and care in prayer!! And great tip about the breast milk! i am definitely going to try to breastfeed — and pray that I can produce milk and the baby latches etc. this is wonderful advice, thank you! Hugs and love xox

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  22. Congrats again! I would say Cherish them @ all times obviously but especially when their babies/tots then fast forward to the teens watch out for the ‘strops’ etc whether boy or girl.😊

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    1. this is great advice, thank you Kenneth! We are soaking all these nuggets of wisdom up like a sponge! 🙂 Hugs and love xox

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      1. Oh take it from me Caralyn I’m a grand father with a 31 yr old daughter who thought she was always right in her teens. Now I have a granddaughter who is 6 going on 16yrs.😂

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    1. Carole, this is such important advice, thank you so much – you’re absolutely right. Our relationship is the best gift we can give to our child. I love this. and yay for fun adults! haha my husband will have no problem with that one 😉 heheheh Hugs and love xox

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  24. Hey Caralyn 🙂

    you seem to be confused whether “best parenting advice” is singular or plural! 😛

    IDK if this qualifies as “best”, but maybe let your kid help out in the kitchen? I wouldn’t start with anything involving a knife, but maybe pouring milk or cracking eggs? Like: What could go wrong? 😉

    Obviously, you’ll have to wait a couple YEARS until you reach that stage. Maybe LONG before that you’ll need to resolve the great breast debate. Here’s a link to an article by a woman who might have taken it a bit too far (IMHO):

    Nursing is just as settling for me sometimes as it is for my kid

    🙂 Norbert

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    1. PS: apparently, said woman had a change of mind WRT her blog post (LOL).

      I have a copy of it (in case anyone is interested) — and / but basically her kid would be with her and all of a sudden walk up to her and just lift up her shirt whenever the kid felt like it. 😛

      😀 Norbert

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      1. oh boy! yeah that would definitely not fly! hahah yeah, i just clicked on the link and it was deactivated!

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    2. Hi Norbert! oh gosh, is advice plural? oops – welp, I guess I messed up on that one! so sorry! hahah What great advice about letting the kids help in the kitchen! as a big homecook myself, this is something I’m very excited about implementing! Hugs and love xox

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      1. haha — I think you switched between “advice” and “tips” …

        I’m sure if you want LOTS of advice / tips — well, then maybe I would advise you to be very careful about what you wish for! 😛

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  25. I try ñot to give advice. You know your own child best.i would tell Steven to be there
    for you 110 percent right now. Women in my experience, never forget it if you let them down at this crucial time.

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    1. Most women I know feel their man let them down during their pregnancy and the post natal period. It is hard for expectant fathers to get it right. It takes a lot of time, effort and patience but the little caring things he does now and aɓove all, the tìme he gives you now, are likely to pay dividends for the rest of your lives!

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      1. amen to that. the other thing that is pretty exciting is that he gets 4 months of parental leave at his job, so i am very grateful that he s) WANTS to and b) CAN be present and around!! Hugs and love xox

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      2. It is brilliant that he.has four months parental leave. It is a very touchy subject for me as my kidneys failed following the birth of my second child and I came close to heart failure as my potassium levels dipped so low. My ex did not deal with the situation well and it really marked the end of trust between us. He has not altered his life one iota. I was left in backlesshospital gowns as he did not even bring me clothing.
        I never really forgave him for letting me get so ill. My legs were so full of water they were literally splashing and Iit had become an emergency situation.
        He had carried on as usual with his life.
        I had to fight with him to get him to postpone our break to England. I suffered nearly complete physical and mental collapse. Kidney failure upsets your electrolytes all my systems physical and mental were shot. I never really forgave him for letting me down so badly. My friend had dissuaded me from walking as I was ready to leave him.
        I have also had friends wh have suffered mental breakdowns following childbirth.
        My Aunt had mastiffs followed by a mental breakdown from which she had never recovered.
        It is my thing- the importance of good post-natal care. Good post-natal care would probably alleviate 80 percent of women’s health issues for the rest of their lives

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      3. gosh, my heart is breaking reading what you had to endure. Oh my friend, I am just so sorry and sending you the biggest biggest hug right now. You deserved to be taken care of and cherished and loved and looked after, and I am just so sorry that the man who was supposed to be there for you during such a vulnerable time completely failed at fulfilling his duty to you. You did not deserve that. And I wish things would have been different for you. ❤

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    2. that is a really great tip, thank you friend. I am very blessed that Steven is incredibly involved and attentive. He seriously is such a great man. In fact, we’re going to have a joint baby shower. I wanted him to be showered with joy and excitement too, not just me. I feel like the fathers sometimes get left out of a lot of the joy of pregnancy since they are not carrying the baby. So i wanted to make sure that he can experience that joy too. Because he wants to be involved, which is such a blessing that I know is not the case for every marriage. God is good. Hugs and love xox

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      1. I am so happy to hear that. He needs to be your first line of defence, Seriously every man and his dog may well act like they know better than you. He needs to be able to tell them ever so politely to s#d off.

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  26. Pray with each other before you lay your head on the pillow and pray with your children every night before they sleep. I’m reminded of the beautiful custom of my Brazilian friends, that children never leave a family visit without “bençoes” ( blessings) from the older relaives. Prayers and blessings may only be tiny drops of grace, but they fill buckets that our children will need to put out the fires they face when they gtow up!

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    1. thank you for this awesome advice, Pete. I love this so much. My parents prayed with me before bed growing up too, and it is a cherished memory of mine. aww i love that tradition!!! amen to that! Hugs and love xox

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  27. Firstly, a belated congratulations on your pregnancy! It really is a miracle. My main piece of advice is this: let go of any expectations or illusions of what having kids is like. Even with all the parenting and pregnancy books I read none of them really covered the fact that it will be nothing like the books and movies and TV shows tell you. My first pregnancy was textbook until the last trimester when I suddenly became pre-eclamptic, resulting in having to deliver my baby 3.5 weeks early and having a traumatic birth experience that wasn’t anything I hoped for. That’s not meant to scare you but to advise that while it’s okay to have a plan and hope for a perfect birth, remember it can change instantly. I was so stuck on the idea of my ideal birth that I fell into post-partum depression pretty severely after that experience. He’s a big healthy boy now who’s smart as a whip. So it turned out great. And other than having diet-controlled gestational diabetes with my second baby, and being induced at week 38 or 39, her birth was textbook. By the time they induced me my body was already at the beginning stages of going into natural labor, making the process easier and faster.

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    1. Hi Virginia, thank you so much for sharing your heart and your experience. Your comments are seriously so helpful. I was in tears this morning taking a walk because I am the maid of honor in my BFF-since-2nd-grade’s wedding 3.5 weeks before my due date. And it’s a 10 hour drive away. My OBGYN strongly discourages us from going, and being that I’m 35, I understand why. But that’s not to say I am completely devastated. And I so appreciate you sharing your experience because it reminds me that things can happen unexpectedly in the blink of an eye. and this child is such a gift from God as it is, with my infertility and ulcerative colitis and everything. My mom reminded me that my number one job is to keep this baby healthy and to bring them into the world safe and secure. So thank you for sharing that. Your children have an amazing mom!! Hugs and love xox

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      1. Steven may end up having to fight for you. You are initially almost as vulnerable as your first weeks in a treatment unit with anorexia. Few men seem to realise that everything is radically different once their partner becomes pregnant and responsible for another life.in my experience. I actually walked out on my ex early in my pregnancy with my first child, as we were living in his parent’s smoky house in extreme heat. I v had gone to stay with an American friend of mine. Honestly Americans have never let me down. I have American friend I have had for forty years. I am very fond of y’all.

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      2. you’re right – this is definitely a hugely vulnerable time. I’m glad you were able to get out of that situation — smoke and heat is dangerous for you and baby, and I’m so glad you found a safe and secure place 🙂 Again, you’re ex should have fought for you, and I’m just so sorry that he didn’t.

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  29. A little advice for you. Just be aware once the baby is born, no one asks about you anymore. The attention shifts 100% to the baby. Which is awesome because nothing is better in the entire world to talk about. I just remember all those years ago waking up one day and thinking no one cares about me. 🙂 There is a fix to the problem, have a second pregnancy.
    Seriously though enjoy every minute because in a flash they are adults calling for advice.
    Rachel

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    1. Hi Rachel, thank you for this wisdom. You’re right — now that I’m thinking back to all my interactions with new moms, I’ve always asked about the baby!! haha – a second pregnancy 🙂 love it. I’ve loved being pregnant so far, so if God wants to bless us with another, we’re open to it!! Hugs and love xox

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  30. Hi, Caralyn and Steven.
    From your blog and a couple of emails, Anita and I feel like we know you!❤️ You and your family are very dear to us and in my daily prayers.
    That said, for as wonderful as your parents were when you were growing up, they may have missed a few cues to your anorexia. I suspect our generation (your parents’ and mine) realized that none of us were ever going to be perfect parents.
    There was a myth perpetuated in the late 60s and 70s (of the last century😨- wow, I feel OLD!) that somehow we COULD BE perfect parents. But this was a myth with not a shred of truth in it.
    As so many others are advising, prayer and Bible study and teaching are all we can do for the precious ones Father “loans” us to raise for Him. And “and you, yourself, a sword will pierce.” But just as Mary would never have chosen NOT to give birth to Jesus, even for the pain she would suffer, your choice to bring your child into this broken world will be a means to reveal hearts and draw others to Jesus.
    “If you then, despite your evil nature, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good things to those who ask him!”
    ❤️&🙏, c.a.

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    1. Hi CA and Anita! Oh my gosh this is such a sweet comment, thank you so much for your prayers and friendship over the years! 🙂 I so appreciate this wonderful encouragement – yes – prayer and Bible study will be our foundation for raising our child, while knowing we will be far from perfect parents! what a blessing to know that our Father IS perfect, and He will pick up any pieces we may spill 🙂 Hugs and love xox

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  32. Sometimes parental advice can get complex. I would just say this: love them with all your heart; do not make them your “friend”; do not waffle in discipline, rather mean what you say; love their Daddy completely; talk with them, even before birth, about their Maker (Deut 6).

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    1. oh wow, Ivan, this is such amazing advice. thank you so much! And I love that practice of talking with them while they’re still in the womb! Hugs and love xox

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  33. It’s tough to give specifics because every kid and every family and every situation is so individual! Here’s what I would say:

    1) At the end of the day, remember that your main goal is to raise amazing adults who know how to interact with the world on their own. As you figure out the balance of comforting them and pushing them, always keep that long-term goal in mind. I think many parents make the mistake of thinking they always have to “protect” their kids from the world, but what you really want is to teach them how to engage with the world, and that they should always come to you if they need help.
    2) Babies are a great place to start parenting. Why? Because their needs are usually clear. As someone above said, “If they are crying, pick them up.” 🙂

    My kids are 20, 18, and 10 right now, and this philosophy seems to have worked for our kids, although as I mentioned – what that actually looks like for any given child in any given situation will be wildly different. You’ll do great! ❤

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    1. Oh Athena, this is such marvelous advice, thank you so much! Going to share this with Steven! I love that thought about teaching children how to engage with the world — I think that is more and more important in today’s wild west of a society!! Hugs and love xox

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  35. Congratulations on becoming a momma. My best parenting advice is to recognize that your child is God’s gift to you on loan. You were selected and entrusted with him or her for a season and you will have to let go and give him or her back to God. As in 1 Samuel 1-2 with Hannah and Samuel.

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    1. Thank you so much Lisa!! Oh wow that is such a powerful perspective to keep in the forefront of my mind: God’s gift to me on loan!! love this! Hugs and love xox

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  36. I would add to the great advice above, that you are the parents, and you will decide how to raise them. God has put them into your care. You’ve had great parents to show you how. You are loving people. With God’s help you will get through it. Pick and choose from the advice above and choose what is right and natural to you.

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    1. Hi David, thank you for this wonderful advice! Yes! you’re right – steven and i both were blessed with amazing parents, and so i know we’ve both had great examples, in addition to the massive help and guidance that God will provide! Hugs and love xox

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  37. Don’t listen to too much advice 😊it can fry your brains. Follow your natural instincts and just be prepared for those first few weeks of very little sleep, feeling very emotional and make sure you rest/sleep when the baby sleeps. The housework can wait x

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    1. haha thank you for this great insight!! very true — we are trying to sleep as much as we can NOW because we know that these days are numbered! hahah thanks again!! Hugs and love xox

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  38. Be kind and loving. As the Bible says, do unto them as you would want them to do to you and they will follow you. So be aware of what values and actions you are modeling because they will become little yous. Also, never start a practice that you feel like you need to change later once they get older LOL It is so much harder that way. For example, if you don’t want to fight to get them out of your bed, don’t start with them in your bed. Some people like the co-sleeping arrangement. I did not. I needed a space that was mine. I just kept my baby in a cradle beside the bed until about 3 months old, then moved her to her own room and ran a baby monitor.

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    1. This is wonderful advice, thank you so much!! You’re right – we need to be aware of the values and actions we model — particularly when it comes to our phones! i need to work on that one!! and that’s so true — don’t start a precedent we don’t want to have to deal with later. We’re planning to do a bassinet next to the bed and move them to their nursery around then too. Hopefully establish those good sleeping habits early on! 🙂 thank you! Hugs and love xox

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  39. I’m not yet a parent myself, but in my parents’ young families group at church, one of the mentors told my mom to start praying for her newborn’s future husband/wife and pray throughout the child’s’ life. My mom thought it was a little cuckoo but did it anyway. Not only do I believe it worked, but it’s the sweetest and most endearing gesture to pray for your little one’s life beyond the nest, and it’s something I plan to do when I have children. So much great advice here–I’m definitely bookmarking for later.

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    1. Oh wow, that is such a beautiful thing to do! Oh my gosh I am definitely going to start doing that. Praying for my future husband was something that I started doing when I was probably 16 or so, and I’ve got to say, I DO think it worked! God’s timing really is a) miraculous and b) in perfect timing. I’m definitely going to adopt this practice!! 🙂 thanks for sharing that! big big hugs to you xox

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  40. Love them unconditionally and inspire them. It is church, family activities, trips, cooking together but so important opening their eyes up on the world, its diversity, all the possible options they have to actually thrive. Build a great career so they can look up to you. They will respect a working mom who has her own life and a dad who treats you well, always. I am a working mom of 4 : 7, 9 and 15. This is the most exciting life ride you are getting on, the ultimate goal is to raise a Happy kid!

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  41. Folks who say you can’t be your child’s friend are only half right. So, am I supposed to be their enemy? Of course I’m a friend to my children, but like a father should be—as a mentor or a coach or counselor. Those who say you can’t be your child’s “buddy” leave the door open to one becoming your child’s enemy. We learn best from the people we love.

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    1. This is a powerful perspective, David! Thank you so much! I love that – we learn best from the people we love. agreed! Hugs and love xox

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  42. Here is an off the wall piece of advice we discovered on our own. If your baby has a diaper rash, feed him/her pureed asparagus (of course if old enough) and feed it for dinner. The next morning the diaper rash should be significantly reduced! That worked more than once with our daughter.

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    1. Oh wow! You know me, i love a food-themed tip! hahha also – randomly enough I’m making asparagus for dinner tonight, so perhaps I was supposed to read this today!! haha definitely writing this one down! thank you friend!! Hugs and love xox

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  44. When we were first married, I didn’t understand why so many people divorced after 20 plus years of marriage. Now, I believe for many, it’s because they poured everything into their kids and didn’t continue pouring into their marriage. The best thing you can do for your precious baby is to love God, love each other, and love your children. Continue to have date nights without your precious little one. Hopefully you have grandparents or a trusted friend you can leave your baby with for a couple of hours. Children need to see their parents loving God and each other. That will bring great security for them.

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    1. Oh wow, this is so powerful — THANK YOU for this amazing advice. I can definitely see how easy it would be to just make your world BE your newborn child, but you’re absolutely right — without a healthy and thriving marriage, the family will not thrive! I love love love this advice and will be sharing it with Steven tonight!! thank you! and ohhhh yes, my mom already has a few babysitting “dates” on the calendar for September, and has offered to help out, literally daily! haha Hugs and love xox

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  45. Keep your marriage first, then your kids. Don’t give in there and it will be the best gift you can give them. God set up the order to imitate him and the church. When we follow that, it goes much better for everyone. Children are simply little people who need not only our love but our respect. It matters that they feel heard so we need to be good listeners – babies through adults! Raising a child is really discipling them – training them in God’s ways from every aspect. Don’t take their cries, arguments, tantrums, etc. personally, but look for what is at the root. Teach them how to recognize their feelings and why and then how to control their emotions in a positive way. Be willing to go first. They will follow your lead in humility, tone, attitude, apology, loving Jesus. Don’t expect them to know things you haven’t instructed them in. We teach them, train them, and then hold them accountable. The best advice is to look at God. He is the perfect parent to us. And remember that not even all of his children follow and obey him. I did some of these things well, and others I wish I had figured out far earlier. (My 7 kids are ages 42 – 21)

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    1. Hi Laura, thank you for such a wonderful nugget of wisdom. amen – when we follow the example God provided, things are smooth sailing! And that’s a great point to respect our children as well as love them!! Ahhh, look for the root cause — brilliant! And yes – look to God. Thank you for this amazing advice. you should write a book!!! Hugs and love xox

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  46. The best parenting advice that I could give is to remind you that you are not alone. When you need help with the raising of your child, don’t be afraid to lean on your spouse, parents, in-laws and friends especially when you need a break. There were times where I could see that my wife was spent, so I made it a point to take care of our child overnights so that she could get a good night’s sleep. She had the day shift and I had the night shift. There were other times where we both were frustrated because we didn’t know what to do when our child was crying incessantly; we felt like we weren’t being good parents because we didn’t know how to calm our child. But the best thing was me and my wife knew that we were in this together so we became each other’s support. Parenthood is a journey where you will find out how to best take care of “your child”. You may get advice from your parents, in-laws and friends on how they handled their children; take that into consideration but know that it might not work for you. Just be open to being creative when it comes to raising your first child.

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    1. oh this is so beautiful, thank you Mark. I am not alone. That is balm to my soul! i am very blessed, not only with an incredible husband, but also a village of family and friends who are already excited to be in this child’s life!! what a blessing indeed! 🙂 Ah, I love that: you guys were in it together. this was so helpful, thank you friend. Hugs and love xox

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  47. FIRST – Always think of and treat your child like a person who needs to be respected.
    SECOND – As a fiction and speech writer, the main body is what I call “the path of discovery.” Make your child’s life a path of discovery, starting with the smallest things.
    THIRD – Closely related; the best gift parents can give their children are good memories.
    FOURTH – Life is decision-making. Decisions for your child are like a teeter-totter. At first all are on your end. Don’t wait too long to begin moving some to their end. Ones they can possibly fail at without getting hurt too badly. It builds confidence.

    These might seem like long-term pieces of advice, but on reflection, I think you’ll see how they all start right away.

    Oh, and have Steve talk to your baby EVERY NIGHT, saying exactly the same thing. It’ll pay dividends. Trust me.

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    1. Hi Jeff! oh this is such wonderful advice – thank you so much!! i love that first reminder to respect our child. yes! And aw, I love that : good memories! Yes! Looking back at my childhood, those good memories are what stick out. I definitely want to provide those to our child(ren)! oh wow — teeter totter decision making…brilliant!! aw, thank you so much Jeff. I’m going to share these with Steven tonight over dinner. He already loves the baby so much, it is really precious to see. I’m very blessed to have such a great husband!!! I hope all is well on your end with you and your family!! Sending hugs and love to you and Julie!!

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  49. I forgot the most important thing, if it is a boy, be on guard against them peeing in your face during a nappy change. I bet nobody else has told you that little gem. I’m sure it is kept secret as some little surprise for new mothers!

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