When I was deep in my anorexia, it was hard to imagine what a life without ED would look like. It was such a foreign concept. An abstract notion. I was trapped in a box that kept getting smaller and smaller, and I couldn’t picture what a life free from that “ED box” would be.
So I thought I’d share with you what recovery looks like, in case you find yourself not being able to see beyond ED’s tunnel vision.
…Waking up in the morning, refreshed after sleeping the entire night through.
…Looking in the mirror to check if your outfit matches, rather than how your body looks.
…Being able to watch a movie without thinking about sitting for two hours.
…Having a warm body and being thankful for air conditioning.
…Going to a restaurant without researching the lowest-calorie menu option before hand.
…Going to bed and saying a prayer, instead of rehashing the day’s calorie intake verses exercise.
…Spending time with your friends and goofing around and laughing and being present in the moment.
…Eating without weighing or measuring your food.
…Lazy Sunday afternoons where you eat snacks and just veg out on the couch.
…Waking up in the morning without anxiety about the day, or guilt about the day before.
…Being with your loved ones and focusing on them, rather than focusing on your body image.
…Not being afraid to go to the doctor.
…Going out to eat and ordering what actually sounds good.
…Walking into a room with confidence because you know you’re beautiful in more ways than one.
…Saying yes to invitations and spending time with people you love.
…Being able to concentrate on a book, or magazine article, or other things that require mental focus.
…Being spontaneous with your time – Spur of the moment outings or last minute road trips with friends.
…Being able to shop in the women’s department, and being proud of it.
…Baking cookies with mom and licking the bowl.
…Falling asleep peacefully.
…Warm chocolate chip cookies straight from the oven.
…Exercising for pleasure, not for punishment.
…Being gentle with yourself.
…Answering the phone and returning phone calls from friends.
…Eating meals whenever you damn well please.
…Being excited about birthday cake.
…Looking in the mirror and seeing a beautiful girl with flaws and imperfections, and being okay with it.
…A full head of healthy, shiny hair.
…Knowing your potential and working towards fulfilling your dreams.
…Forgiving yourself for things in your past and loving who you are, inside and out.
…Letting other people love you because you know you’re worth it.
Recovery is freedom.
This is recovery. This is the life that is out there waiting for you. Anorexia can make you forget that such a life is possible. It can make you forget that there is more to life than the ED prison you find yourself trapped in.
You can have that freedom.