Excuse me while I wipe a tear from my eye.
Oh friends. I’m sitting here misty eyed after just seeing my apartment listed on Zillow for the first time.
It just went up this morning. And already, my realtor has a viewing appointment request for Wednesday.
Is this really happening?
You know, it’s such a strange feeling to see your home listed for sale. And to actually be scrolling through photos taken by a professional photographer of your space, and reading a professional write up, written by a real estate agent of a place where you have so many memories, and that has been your home for the last 11 years.
Friends, I didn’t think I would be hit with this much emotion at the sight.
Here I am, about to start a life with the most incredible man in the world, and we’re moving back to the place I have always dreamed of living: my home in Ohio, to a residence that takes my breath away. I don’t think my heart could be any more full — or full of joy — and yet, seeing my current home, listed to be sold…to someone else….AKA: moving on…I am also filled with sadness.
And excuse me while I have to go grab a tissue because of the tears I’m spilling on my laptop right now…
But as I’ve been sitting with these emotions today — or more accurately, as I’ve been defrosting my freezer and literally hammering away at 10 years of freezer build up — I’ve come to this conclusion:
For as happy and excited as I am to be leaving and starting this new life, it is okay to feel sad about closing this current chapter of my life, too.
This little studio apartment — which I will link a video to here — has been my home for 11 years. It has be the place where I rediscovered who I am, which I wrote about last week, so I will not repeat myself here. But this place has been my blooming environment. It has been the site of my metamorphosis into a young woman that not only knows who she is…but loves who she is too. Which, on my ever evolving journey of recovery, that last bit is quite the accomplishment.
It’s moments like this where I just have to trust. I have to trust God that He has everything under control. My current season of life: getting married, moving across the country and furnishing our new home, planning a honeymoon, etc….this is the most exciting, but also most expensive season of my life.
And we’re leaving a place where we have some seriously deep roots: Steven’s run as deep as his entire life, and mine run 11 years deep, while also leaving my two best friends since birth, who live down the street from me in New York. So to start fresh as young adults in a new city — there’s a lot I could start stress sweating from if I allowed myself to dwell on it.
All of this is going to be okay.
More than okay. This is the beautiful path my life is taking, that I couldn’t be more thrilled about. It is just closing the door on a very sweet, very meaningful phase of my life that is bringing about some sadness.
But the door is never really closed.
We will be back with Steven’s job once every two months, and more, given that his family is here. So we will always have our tie that keep New York in our back pocket.
But wow. It’s out there. People are looking at my apartment right now, scrutinizing my space, asking themselves if they could see themselves living here. Wondering why I put my bed in the corner, or if they think my style is ugly, or why I went with a green couch.
Which, on that note, I actually have to run. I’m meeting Steven at Restoration Hardware in 20 minutes, and we’re going to be purchasing the couch of our dreams…which is not green.
This is not the end of an era, but rather the beginning of a beautiful new one. Change is scary. But change is good. And when we trust in our Father, who protects us, and wants only the best for His children, we truly have nothing in the world to fear.
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