Change, a Double-Edged Sword

Excuse me while I wipe a tear from my eye.

Oh friends. I’m sitting here misty eyed after just seeing my apartment listed on Zillow for the first time.

It just went up this morning. And already, my realtor has a viewing appointment request for Wednesday.

Is this really happening?

You know, it’s such a strange feeling to see your home listed for sale. And to actually be scrolling through photos taken by a professional photographer of your space, and reading a professional write up, written by a real estate agent of a place where you have so many memories, and that has been your home for the last 11 years.

Friends, I didn’t think I would be hit with this much emotion at the sight.

Change is scary. But #change is good. And when we #trust in our Father, who protects us, and wants only the best for His #children, we truly have nothing in the world to fear. #moving #god #catholic #christianity #nyc #ohio #edrecovery

Here I am, about to start a life with the most incredible man in the world, and we’re moving back to the place I have always dreamed of living: my home in Ohio, to a residence that takes my breath away. I don’t think my heart could be any more full — or full of joy — and yet, seeing my current home, listed to be soldto someone else….AKA: moving on…I am also filled with sadness.

And excuse me while I have to go grab a tissue because of the tears I’m spilling on my laptop right now…

But as I’ve been sitting with these emotions today — or more accurately, as I’ve been defrosting my freezer and literally hammering away at 10 years of freezer build up — I’ve come to this conclusion:

Change is scary. But #change is good. And when we #trust in our Father, who protects us, and wants only the best for His #children, we truly have nothing in the world to fear. #moving #god #catholic #christianity #nyc #ohio #edrecovery

For as happy and excited as I am to be leaving and starting this new life, it is okay to feel sad about closing this current chapter of my life, too.

This little studio apartment — which I will link a video to here — has been my home for 11 years. It has be the place where I rediscovered who I am, which I wrote about last week, so I will not repeat myself here. But this place has been my blooming environment. It has been the site of my metamorphosis into a young woman that not only knows who she is…but loves who she is too. Which, on my ever evolving journey of recovery, that last bit is quite the accomplishment.

It’s moments like this where I just have to trust. I have to trust God that He has everything under control. My current season of life: getting married, moving across the country and furnishing our new home, planning a honeymoon, etc….this is the most exciting, but also most expensive season of my life.

And we’re leaving a place where we have some seriously deep roots: Steven’s run as deep as his entire life, and mine run 11 years deep, while also leaving my two best friends since birth, who live down the street from me in New York. So to start fresh as young adults in a new city — there’s a lot I could start stress sweating from if I allowed myself to dwell on it.

All of this is going to be okay.

More than okay. This is the beautiful path my life is taking, that I couldn’t be more thrilled about. It is just closing the door on a very sweet, very meaningful phase of my life that is bringing about some sadness.

But the door is never really closed.

We will be back with Steven’s job once every two months, and more, given that his family is here. So we will always have our tie that keep New York in our back pocket.

But wow. It’s out there. People are looking at my apartment right now, scrutinizing my space, asking themselves if they could see themselves living here. Wondering why I put my bed in the corner, or if they think my style is ugly, or why I went with a green couch.

Which, on that note, I actually have to run. I’m meeting Steven at Restoration Hardware in 20 minutes, and we’re going to be purchasing the couch of our dreams…which is not green.

This is not the end of an era, but rather the beginning of a beautiful new one. Change is scary. But change is good. And when we trust in our Father, who protects us, and wants only the best for His children, we truly have nothing in the world to fear.

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17 responses to “Change, a Double-Edged Sword”

  1. It is 100% okay to close the door on this chapter of your life, Caralyn. I am 61 and have closed the door on several chapters of my life too. The hurt you feel now will be replaced with joy and huge smiles very soon! Be well, guys. ❤️👍🏻☺️

  2. Transitions of any kind carry emotion with them. It is like leaving behind a slice of your life. But we always carry those memories with us, the good and the bad. The New York experience was simply a gateway to your future life of fulfillment and the experience was given you by God so you could discover the life partner God chose for you. Your life now together will be a happy experience to transcend all joys you’ve experienced up to this time and help you obliterate any bad memories still lingering.

  3. I agree, it can be surreal when it comes to your home on the market, whether buying or selling. Suddenly, you’re the one in charge, no deferring to parents. Best wishes with the move back to Ohio.

  4. Change and transition can be difficult. You are getting rid of the old so you will have room to embrace all the new coming into your life. Marriage and moving back to Ohio that is different from what you left, years ago. Cry a few tears and embrace your exciting new chapter of life! xoxo

  5. Thr bitter to bittersweet doesn’t last long. The sweetness will overcome and your grief (which is very real and important to embrace and run with) will not last as long as it feels. So much good ia to come!! Letting go of single and embracing your own family! I pray God will comfort you through the changes. Love you and hugs! XO😃❤️

  6. The first thing I thought of when I saw this title was … one of my own posts! :O

    It’s weird — something I wrote *less than 2 years ago* —

    http://remediary.com/2020/11/06/hope-change-flipping-the-f-word-removing-the-old-fashioned-r-word

    — can feel like AGES ago … probably because it addresses issues that have been tormenting my mind for so long (more like an entire decade!).

    And this is indeed also about the glass-half-full vs. -empty business. Besides that: rational (vs. irrational) are some quite heavy topics. Very emotionally charged. It makes me wonder: how did it ever happen that we developed the brains we have, how do we get through the day, every day, whether everyday or not?

    Lots to chew on … lots to think about … or *overthink* about.

    Letting stuff go is sometimes a really very useful exercise.

    🙂 Norbert

  7. I’ve been contemplating life changes lately and to be honest, they scare me to death. This post was very much what I needed to read today! Thank you.
    And keeping this move and everything else in prayer!

  8. Hi Caralyn, I completely understand that special connection you have (and will always have) to your New York apartment. Once upon a time, I had moved into an apartment to get away from certain things that had been troubling me. Looking back, I remember that little apartment had become a sacred space where I learned to trust God, where I learned about my strengths and my weaknesses. I grew there, and I will always look back fondly on those memories (albeit, some were painful). But, I grew there, as you grew in your New York apartment. Yes, change can be bittersweet, but the future is so bright and so beautiful. . .God is certainly good. . .Blessings to you as you move forward . . .

  9. It’s going to be a different life in Cincinatti, as I am sure you realize. This could be a lesson to remind you that you are NOT going home to Ohio. You have a city that IS your Home, and its architect and builder is our Father in Heaven (Hebrews 11:10), a New Jerusalem that He is preparing for those who love Him and are eagerly longing for Jesus’ appearance (1 Timothy 4:8).
    ❤️&🙏, c.a.

  10. In all our military moves, I left part of my heart in each place we left. BUT, I also had new pieces stitched on to my heart in each place we lived. It’s quite the beautiful patchwork…and yours will be as well, Caralyn.

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