ED is a slithering, slimy, snake in the way he can sneak his way into unexpected places in your life. A no-good, dirty, good-for-nothing snake.
And you know what you do to a snake?
YOU CRUSH IT.
You chop off its head. Stomp on its face with the heel of your stiletto. You skewer it, cook it over an open flame and then feed it to the dogs.
(dramatic much?) 😛
But in all seriousness, ED is a sneaky jerk face that needs to jump off a cliff.
As many of you may know, I have a “hashtag” campaign called #RecoverySass and every day at 3pm EST, I post a new #RecoverySass photo. (My IG is @beauty.beyond.bones)
Anywho, this #RecoverySass campaign is very important to me. Yes, chanting fun playground insults to ED is funny and silly, but there is actually a lot of seriousness behind it.
Because every day, that is how I have to fight ED. Because, spoiler alert guys: even in recovery, you still have to combat ED. He still tries to weasel his way back into your mind. And this time, he doesn’t just use food as his pawn.
News flash: ED manifests himself into different aspects of your life.
Now, this might be depressing to read, but it is the truth, and everyone needs to hear it. 🙂
In recovery, when you are eating and getting on with your life, ED realizes that he cannot control you through starvation anymore. We’re warriors. We have learned the importance of nourishing our bodies. And ED can no longer manipulate that aspect of our lives.
So he tries a different entry point.
Maybe it’s self-doubt. Maybe it’s intensifying the feelings of unworthiness. Perhaps he makes you feel like your disease has caused incomprehensible pain and suffering to your loved ones, resulting in guilt and shame. ED will use any means necessary to put a crack in your windshield.
Honesty Hour: This past week, ED has been throwing stones at my windshield and he nearly broke it.
You see, every year, we take a family vacation. We have a beach house where we always have a big old reunion over the Fourth of July. And I look forward to it every summer. We’ve been going – literally – since I was 5 or 6. Fireworks, beach time, cookouts, sun, and family time. It is the highlight of my entire year, and that is not an exaggeration.
Well, this year, ED decided that I was not going to allow myself to go.
I was supposed to book my ticket for a couple weeks now. And I until this morning, I hadn’t.
ED snaked his way into my brain and made me feel as though I didn’t deserve to go. That I wasn’t wanted and that my being there would be a disappointment to my family.
Reflecting on this now, it sounds positively absurd, but ED has a way of making you believe, say, and do, anything he wants. It’s the key to his power.
This trip was just another entry point for ED to try and break into my mind. Everything that I was believing: that I didn’t deserve to go, that I was a burden and that I’m not worth having a good time with the people I love — those tapes were the exact lies that ED used to harass me with during my anorexia. This time, he was tailoring them to my vacation situation and using them to ruin the thing that brings me the most joy.
So this morning, as I was making my #RecoverySass “meme” for the day, I had a moment of clarity, and I realized what ED was doing and where those dark thoughts were coming from.
And I did what I oftentimes have to do with that schmuck: I told him to GTFO.
I practiced RADICAL ACTION.
I crushed that snake’s head with my foot and I said GET THE *BLEEP* OUT!
I just said Screw You, ED! and I dropped what I was doing, got on the computer and booked my ticket before ED could make me think again.
And thank God I did. Because you know what, I do deserve to go on that trip. I do deserve to be loved on by my family and feel that joy. I’m not a disappointment.
ED was trying to get back inside my brain through a non-food channel, and warriors, it almost worked. He is a sly mother-trucker.
If there’s an area in your life where you’re feeling particularly discouraged, or inadequate, or hopeless — take a look at the root of those things. I’ll bet you a hot fudge sundae that those doubtful, hurtful thoughts are coming from ED, trying to find another way back in.
And when you realize that it’s ED, trying to STEAL yet another part of your life, you’ve just gotta get F-ing PISSED OFF and take some radical action.
Maybe that’s getting on the computer and booking a flight, like it was for me. But perhaps it doesn’t even have to be that drastic. Maybe it’s calling a friend that you’ve been isolating yourself from. Maybe it’s increasing your intake for that one final push to get to your weight range. Maybe it’s throwing away a pair of jeans that you’ve used to “measure” with in the past. Or perhaps it’s taking a rest day from exercise, or saying yes to an invitation to do something with a friend.
Whatever it is, be bold.
CRUSH THE SNAKE.
Do something big that communicates once and for all that this is YOUR life and NOT ED’S. That he is not in control of your thoughts and actions. And that you are in charge of your future.
ED is a liar.
But you know the Truth. So act on it. Radically.