Prayer of a Broken Pray-er

This post scares me.

I’m going to be more vulnerable on here than I have ever been before.

Let’s talk about…prayer.

I think a lot of people shy away from it because they feel that they don’t know how to do it. They don’t know what to say, how to start, how to prevent their mind from wandering.

I know I did.

And to be really honest, my prayer life is limping along, to put it positively. There are a myriad of reasons for that, but the point is, I am not some “prayer champ.” In fact, I hesitate to even talk about this, because I feel I have no authority to even put two words together on this topic, but, whatevs, it was put on my heart.

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So here’s where the scary part comes in.

I’m going to openly pray. On here. Just to show you that you really don’t have to be some expert at praying.

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The main reason that I struggle(d) with prayer was that I felt it had to be perfect. Perfectionism is something that haunts me, even now that my anorexia has “left the building.” And it manifests itself into many areas in my life, including prayer.

And I don’t think I’m alone in that.

So I wanted to just be an example of a “broken pray-er” – to basically show you that you don’t have to have your ducks in a row to pray.

So here goes nothing.

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Dear Heavenly Father,

Here I am again. Your favorite repeat offender. Back again, having failed.

I come before You, broken and in need of You.

You know my heart. You know that I long to love You and follow You, but that I fall short all. the. time. 

Lord, You know my struggles. You know the battles in my mind. You know my weaknesses and temptations. And I ask You to just be with me through it all. Give me the strength to persevere day by day and fight back against ED when he knocks at my door.

Lord, I am filled with such guilt. I feel shame, and that I don’t even deserve to be in Your presence.

And I’m listening to the rain against my window tonight, and I am reminded that Your grace is like rain: that it washes away all the horrible things that I’ve done and that I continue to do and do and do, even though I try so hard not to. And for those things, I ask forgiveness.

I am reminded that, like rain, You’ve washed me clean from those things. And that, like a flood, Your love surges over me all the time. And I just ask that You please allow me to accept that love and embrace it.

Jesus, You know I am broken. You know what I need. You know how I long for love and for acceptance. I pray that you work on my heart and my spirit and fill me with Your love. Because that is what will truly heal me.

And I ask that as You work on my heart, you help me to begin to love myself and be gentle with myself. Help me to see myself with Your eyes. Help me to want to love myself

You do not create mistakes. You created me for a purpose, and Lord, I pray that You help me find that. I so long to do Your will, but I am lost, unaware of what Your plan for my life is.

I pray for my family, Lord. I pray for my friends. That they may feel Your loving presence in their lives.

And I pray for all the people reading this, that they may also feel Your presence, and that their hearts may be moved to love You, and draw close to You. 

I love you, Lord. Thank you for a second chance.

Amen.

Prayer doesn’t have to be perfect. It doesn’t have to be all formal and drawn out. It is simple. A conversation. Think about how you’d talk to a friend. Because Jesus is listening, and He cares what you have to say. Even if it’s been forever since the last time you’ve prayed, or maybe you’ve never prayed at all. That’s okay. Jesus would just be thrilled that you’ve decided to “check in.” Because all He wants to do is love you.

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That’s all for tonight. Goodnight, loves.

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24 thoughts on “Prayer of a Broken Pray-er

  1. Thank you for sharing this wonderful post! I too struggle with perfectionism and share about it on my blog. The only thing that helps me is to let God love on me, restore me and lift me up, reminding me that He already accepts me.

    If you ever want to chat about this, you can email me at lillianla96@gmail.com 🙂 I would love to share our burdens as the Bible says.

    Praying for your journey!

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  2. Thank you for your heartfelt words. I’m reminded of what Isiah foretold of Jesus:

    “Behold, My Servant, whom I uphold;
    My chosen one in whom My soul delights.
    I have put My Spirit upon Him;
    He will bring forth justice to the nations.
    2 “He will not cry out or raise His voice,
    Nor make His voice heard in the street.
    3 “A bruised reed He will not break
    And a dimly burning wick He will not extinguish;
    He will faithfully bring forth justice.

    What an awesome high priest we have in Jesus that can relate to our weaknesses and ever lives to intercede on our behalf. Even when we are down and think no one else is praying, for those who are God’s redeemed children, we can rest assured Jesus is always praying for us. That has comforted me through many storms in my walk with Christ. I pray that will also strengthen and comfort you.

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  3. One of my all time favorite songs is “Just as I am ” by David Phelps. It is perfect for when we feel this way, I think everyone goes through this and it is great when someone tells everyone else that it is normal and it is okay!

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  4. Dear anorexiarevealed,
    I saw that you “liked” a post on my blog, so I came to check out your’s. I started with your “Read this first” link, and then found the “Prayer of a Broken Pray-er”. I should tell you that at the tender age of 50 (I will turn 51 in Aug), I find you an inspiration, and I look forward to reading your story.

    I am a relatively young Christian, as I didn’t turn my life over to Christ until I was 48 years old. I would like to say that from what I have learned from the strong Christian influences in my life, your prayer is perfect! God did make you perfect for the plan He has for you, and will use your experiences and struggles to bring Glory to Him, if you let Him. (Check out 2 Corinthians 5:16-20)

    I struggle with a different issue than anorexia, for me it is Pride. I know the two are nowhere near the same thing, and I would never compare pride to anorexia. (For more information on my story check out more of my blog.) For me, I found 2 Corinthians 12:9-10. 9 Each time he said, “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me. 10 That’s why I take pleasure in my weaknesses, and in the insults, hardships, persecutions, and troubles that I suffer for Christ. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

    Continue to be a “Broken Pray-er”. Your HEAVENLY FATHER GOD WANTS THAT RELATIONSHIP with you. He doesn’t care how you talk with Him, as long as you talk with Him. If we are praying, and in relationship with the Lord, he will always undue our brokenness.

    Continue to fight the fight, and God Bless You!

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    • Thank you so much for this beautiful note of encouragement. It really means a lot. Yes, God is good and I just have to keep my trust in Him. From Eating disorders to pride, it all comes from the same place. Luckily, Jesus saves us and can heal us from it all. Thanks for stopping by xx

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  5. I like the way you “put yourself out there” in many of your posts! It’s raw, it’s real, it’s you. We all need to understand that we may fool people all the time, we can never fool our Lord. He knows everything about everyone, PERIOD!

    To share that thought with others, and to “come clean” with people is refreshing and therapeutic. It may not feel that way sometimes, but in many cases it lifts a burden from our shoulders! No one is perfect, not one, so says the scriptures. Jesus Christ was the lone exception to that fact.

    I agree with you. Admit to your imperfections and see how God can turn that into a positive. It may be a teaching moment for ourselves and others…

    Steve

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  6. Even my pastor at church admits to finding his mind wandering when he prays. My mind wanders as well. I started a daily morning devotion and prayers when I was in grad school, early 80’s. Not perfectly, but the decided majority of these past years. I’ll tell you what I do. Maybe it will be helpful.

    First, I look over my list, one person or issue at a time. Some I have definite things I “say” in my head, Others, I don’t feel I can verbalize, so I picture them and ask God to read the…impression?…in my mind of what I pray for them. When I get to the end, I look at the list in it’s entirety. I sort of defocus my eyes to “see” it all at once. Have you ever played a blind person? Kind of like that with my eyes.

    Then I pray the perfect prayer Jesus taught us, slowly, one petition at a time, thinking of them all. :Father in heaven, (for all these) hallowed be Thy name. Thy kingdom come (for all of them, especially the unsaved), Thy will be done (in all of their lives and needs)…and so forth to the end.

    Oh, my mind will sometimes wander still. But I pray partly with words, partly without. I just see and feel these people in my mind and heart and ask God and His Spirit (Who groans for us) to care for them as I picture them.

    One other thought – only because I read this on another blog recently – make sure you pray for others, not just yourself. It forms community, it takes your focus off yourself and gets you thinking about doing for others. Not saying you don’t, just sharing what someone else wrote.

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  7. I absolutely adored your prayer! The first line made me giggle because that very phrase could come right out of my own mouth at any given time. Your prayer was beautiful and I felt the sincerity of every word. Honestly, isn’t that what prayer really is? It’s just speaking to God with sincerity and you are so right, there isn’t any one right way to do it. Bless you sweet lady! I am enjoying your blogs very much!! ❤

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    • Thank you so much Alexis! That’s so true – I always have to remind myself that there isn’t a right or wrong way to pray, but to just talk to God! That’s all he wants! Haha so glad it resonated with you:) happy pre-Friday! 🙂 haha Hugs and love xox

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  8. Loving your posts, your heart and the essence of you. I am writing a blog called nanaslovenotes, which are letters to my grandgirls. I sent them one of your blogs hoping they connect to you and your heart for God. Keep writing girl, you have a gift! xoxo

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