A small word with a big impact.
You see, during my anorexia, I had forgotten who I was.
I had become a hollow shell of myself: without a soul, without feelings, without thoughts (other than ED-thoughts, which were manic), and without love – for anyone or anything: my family, friends, God, and myself.
And I don’t think this is foreign to anyone. We all have seasons of life where we feel a little “off.” A little lacking in spirit. Periods of intense stress at work or school; having just broken up with a boyfriend or girlfriend; getting rejected from a dream college or dream job; getting caught up with the wrong crowd…whatever it is, sometimes we lose ourselves.
And I was thinking about it today, as I’m getting ready to go out on a spontaneous Indian food dinner adventure with my friends on a Tuesday night, that one of the most impactful things of my recovery, aside from, of course, inviting Jesus into my heart – is saying yes.
That has been a game changer, folks.
During my anorexia, I withdrew from everyone in my life. And this is coming from someone who has always been a social butterfly. But during my ED, I didn’t answer the phone, didn’t call people back, didn’t accept invitations to do things, and even when I was with people, I wasn’t present. I was in my head. I dropped out of all extra curriculars. Even left school early. I was chained to my eating disorder and no person or fun experience could come between me and ED.
I spent years saying no.
So now, my theme of recovery, has been yes.
I say “yes” to anything that comes my way.
And you know what? Saying “yes” has helped me remember who I was, pre-ED. Helped me remember all the things that I loved doing. It forces me to constantly be stepping out of my comfort zone and experiencing new things. In saying “yes,” I am constantly being surrounded by people who want to spend time with me and love me. So even if I don’t always feel that love from myself, I am with people who remind me of just that.
So although, sometimes it may seem a tad irresponsible: staying out a touch too late when you have work or school the next day; or maybe getting an ice cream cone with a friend after already enjoying brunch earlier that day…my response is: I’m reclaiming my life.
I’m celebrating having found myself again and having chosen life and chosen recovery.
And I do that by saying “yes.”
So I challenge you: what is one thing you can say “yes” to this week? Believe me, I know how tempting Netflix can be. Especially now that The OC is streaming. Goodness gracious.
But I promise: real life adventures will beat out any episode of The OC or Pretty Little Liars. Those characters, yes they become your “friends.” But they can’t love you back.You deserve to have a little fun and experience everything life has to offer. You owe it to yourself to say “Yes.”