Frank Conversations

Posted on by beautybeyondbones

Ever have one of those moments when something so casual and everyday smacks you upside the head with such plain english, it’s laughable?

Maybe I’m not making myself 100% clear.

Articulate, Caralyn.


Okay.

Sometimes, all it takes is an outside perspective — or, a frank remark by a highly intelligent Wall Street #girlboss lawyer — to really make you see a situation in a new light.

And well, that just happened to me.

Tonight, I was talking with a wise older woman ((not my mom)) about my “staycation” last weekend. I told her how my mom and sister-in-law came to visit, and how we had a great time. We visited the Top of the Rock, ate great food, saw Aladdin on Broadway. I ended it by saying how much I missed my family back in Ohio.

“Well, do you see yourself staying here long term?”

“Oh no!” I replied without even skipping a beat. “I want to raise a family back in Ohio…I just need to meet a man first!” (#selfdepricator)

And without even blinking, this #girlboss woman goes, “Well don’t find one here! Good luck trying to get a New York guy to move to Ohio!”

I chuckled…uncomfortably. “Yeah…”

“You’ve gotta find a guy in Ohio. And you’d better hurry before all the good ones are taken!”

Damn.


That noise you hear is my entire existence shattering into a million tiny pieces.

Walking home, I kept replaying that conversation over and over in my head.

Was I really that dumb? How had I not thought of that before?? Of course, if I meet a guy in NYC, he’s not going to want to leave NYC. He’ll have his job and his life here. He’s not going to want to move to Ohio. 

Oy vey. Am I dense or what?


Over the next few hours, I tried to put it out of my mind. Think about something else: There’s a young singles meet up at church tomorrow…debating going to that. That’s a step in the right direction, right??

Checked out the guest list of a party I’m attending on Saturday night to scope out any potential hunks….

But my mind kept going back to the question…If my end goal is to wind up in Ohio with a family and a lap dog near my family, then why the hell am I looking in New York?

Ugh. I hope you can hear my exasperated groan through the screen.


So then, my mind went to the hypotheticals. I started playing the “what if” game. You know, what would it look like if I were to look for a potential suitor in Ohio.

Well, I have a confession. Back over Thanksgiving when I was at home…I did a little…research. I went on Bumble. Not to get a date, but to just see what was out there. Or rather, see who was out there. Bumble is a dating app that is location based and so wherever you+your phone are, the app will show you people in that same geographical area.

Swiping Scrolling the app, I literally knew so. many. guys. Literally SO MANY were from my high school.

The town — or rather, township — I am from is very…incestuous. Not in an inbreeding sort of way….no Hapsburgs here…

Sorry, history joke…

But people just don’t leave. Maybe they go away to college, but most people end up right back there, going to their alma mater’s Friday Night Football Games every week.

And everybody knows evvvvvvverybodys’ business. 

It’s no secret that home is a very bittersweet place for me.

I’m going to be pretty blunt here: I was a pretty beloved child growing up in my community. I came from a pretty respected family, my brothers were the high school quarterback and point guard, my parents were deeply engaged leaders at our church, and I had been doing professional theater/film around the city since age five. So you can imagine, when I came down with severe anorexia in my last two years of high school and wasted away to 78 pounds, my “fall from grace” was, well….highly visible. 

So ever since I “got well,” home has always been…difficult to return to, to say the least. There’s a shadow of that former life that follows me around. Even to this day, nearly 10 years since the fact, I still will get well-meaning-yet-slightly-out-of-touch women from church who come up to me and say, “Oh, sweetie, you look so healthy now.”

I’ve even had a *former* doctor boisterously and densely joke, “Remember when you didn’t eat?!”


Yeah…

So it’s hard to go back.

So thinking about dating someone from my hometown…it’s complicated. And honestly, anxiety-inducing.

Thinking, he’ll talk to someone and hear a horror story about my past… 

…You’re dating Caralyn? Dude…not a good idea. She’s a head case. Remember in high school? The girl almost died. Don’t get tangled up with that freak show. There’s something wrong with her. 

Whenever I’m back in my hometown, I feel as though I have a big scarlet letter on my chest.

And I’m going to be honest, thinking about this made me really sad. I fought back tears the entire night. I watched Gilmore Girls, and cried, thinking that I could never be Rory Gilmore, returning to Stars Hollow to live by her mom and have that story book existence.

But back to the topic at hand.

Is looking for my future husband in NYC what I’m supposed to be doing?

I went to bed thinking about that with a pit in my stomach, and I woke up with a bit more clarity.

I don’t think “looking for” or “seeking out” my future husband is the answer here.

I should be “seeking” the Lord.

Not a man. The Man: Jesus.

I need to chase His heart, not some Brock, Brett, or Brad I may meet at some wannabe-hipster bar on the Upper East Side.

Because at the end of the day, God already has my future husband picked out, and there’s no way I can miss him.

But that doesn’t just give me a free pass to sit back and be complacent either. I have to put myself in play. Get out there and in the mix so that I can meet him, and be open to love when it comes along.
As far as meeting a NYC guy and wanting to end up in Ohio…

That one, I’m going to have to just throw my hands up and simply trust the Father.

I’m going to trust that He has my best interest at heart. I’m going to pray and keep putting myself in position to meet the man God has in mind for me.


And I guess that means going to that mixer tonight after church.

So…I guess all that’s left to do now is go find my MetroCard and get my arse on the subway  so I’m not late! Who knows. This could be the first day of the rest of my life.

Wish me luck!

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325 thoughts on “Frank Conversations”

  1. well written! So many things I want to say– I am from a small town, and though I have not experienced what you have- I understand that fear of everyone knowing everything… it is hard to go home, some people say.

    I met my husband at a rough time in my life. I was far away from home, and very far away from God- yet even when I had deserted HIM, He still guided me to the love of my life. It turned out that my husband had distanced himself from God as well— and with the inspiration of my parents, we started to go back to church, got married in the church and now our beautiful daughter was baptized in the church! God helped us so much— the more we surrendered to him. (maybe I should write this in a post someday…now that I am reflecting on it lol)

    I will pray for you– you deserve to have that partner by your side- and God has someone for you!!!

    How did that mixer go?? 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much! I’m so glad it resonated with you. You’re right, going home can definitely be hard. And wow, what a beautiful story you and your husband have! Thank you for sharing. God is good. Yes! I would love to read it. Thanks for the prayers:) it was so much fun!! Didn’t meet “him” but made a couple new friends! 🙂 haha Hugs and love xox

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  2. Hi Friend – one phrase I have needed to remember at times like this when our plans become a jumbled mess…”Faith, it’s simple but it’s not easy!” other thoughts that came to mind while reading…’Listen for Him’, ‘Trust His plan’ and as you said ‘Seek Him’ first…just prayed for you this morning. Peace to you as we look forward to His birth 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  6. So there are things you control and things you don’t. Make two lists of each kind of thing. And star, underline or otherwise denote those things that you control that are most likely to influence those you do not control.

    For instance if you establish yourself as a competent woman (which you already are but keep going!) you may actually attract the right kind of man – though watch out for freeloaders. But you don’t control the men who show up – that’s God’s job.

    Second, only you can sift through the riddle of where you live. Don’t allow stereotypes into that internal conversation. You *can* live anywhere; you can literally create and spread your own culture, including – most importantly – faith.

    Celebrate your victories! Great things have already happened. And there are more coming. And yeah, that word again – patience. Just so you know, in the Bible the word translated patience literally means “long suffering”. We all go through it. You are not alone.

    -John

    Liked by 1 person

    1. This is some great advice, John. Thank you so much. You’re right- patience patience patience. He will bring the man into my life. And God will nudge me where I’m supposed to go. I just have to trust and then let Him work! Have a great weekend. Hugs and love xox

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  8. Nice post! It is hard to go home, especially a small town home. The gossip is brutal! When things aren’t going the direction I think they should, I try to remember Elijah’s experience. In 1 Kings 19, Elijah is complaining to God. Apparently the Israelites do not like being called to repentance, so they try and kill the messenger: Elijah. He escapes to the hills and hides in a cave. God comes to him and asks Elijah what the problem is. Elijah tells God how things aren’t really going his way. God tells Elijah to go stand on top of the mountain. God sends a powerful wind, an earthquake and fire. It’s a strong message to Elijah that if God wanted, he could control the elements and solve Elijah’s problem. Yet the most powerful communication was when God spoke to Elijah in a, “still, small voice,” directly to Elijah’s heart. That spiritual whisper was more impactful than any physical manifestation. God bless you as you seek the Savior. He will guide your steps, not with a shove, but with a heavenly whisper. It pays to listen. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks Thunker! You’re right…that’s such a great example to look to. Thanks for sharing it. A still small voice–that’s what I need to listen for. I appreciate you stopping by. Hugs and love xox

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  9. Okay, do you had a bright blonde moment ,😊..but I guess it makes sense to meet someone where you wish to live.Now you have me thinking, I’m doing this wrong, I want to live in Germany, so I guess I need to date a German…Now even bigger problem, 😎 I Don’t speak German. Hmmm, wonder if I will have to change my life goal.😉😊…
    Great post…I’m with you on this all the way 🤗🌼🌼

    Liked by 1 person

  10. I’m just going to reiterate what many have already said on here – so many times it’s when you stop looking that you find. Also, you should be complete in yourself and in your relationship with Jesus. It’s hard – far easier to say it and plan it than to actually execute it – but you will be better that way. And, any future relationship you do have will be that much richer.

    Liked by 2 people

  11. 💜💙💚💛💗 this!! Especially:

    “I don’t think “looking for” or “seeking out” my future husband is the answer here.

    I should be “seeking” the Lord.

    Not a man. The Man: Jesus.”

    😊 So much wisdom. I enjoy seeing your journey through your blog.

    Liked by 1 person

  12. You’re right that the key is seeking THE MAN and the great thing about passionately pursuing Jesus as your main goal is that you are then more likely to attract and meet a guy who is doing this same thing! Praying and believing with you as you continue to trust and stay focused on HIM.

    Liked by 1 person

  13. I agree that seeking God is what is most important, but have you considered moving to a town close enough to your hometown, where it would be easy to visit home on the weekends, but far enough away that you can get a fresh start, and build a social circle with friends that love you regardless of your past?

    Liked by 1 person

  14. Beautiful post. I always love reading what you have to say. And girl I’m going to the city for the first time at the end of this month. Would love to meet you! I’ll email you my contact info if you’d like

    Liked by 1 person

  15. Hi there,
    I thank you for visiting my blog.
    I hope you have a great advent this year.
    God has blessed you with a great talent for writing!
    from Linda

    Liked by 2 people

  16. Ohhhh. Reading this gave me knots in my stomach for you. The old phrase, “You can’t go home again.” by Thomas Wolfe is true. Not because physically you can.’t. But you’ll have changed enough that it’s a different person before everyone’s eyes. Memories, rumors, old crushes… they aren’t recollections of the same person once they’ve left and come back. The challenge is not falling back into those same mindsets and behaviors just because other people have been doing the same song and dance since the 90’s. If you want to go home, you can go home. Just make sure you’re expecting to have a different experience. I feel for you. I left home to the big city, too. Fortunately, I found myself. And you clearly have, too. Introduce people to the real you. Not puberty you. No one is the same after high school. And those who are didn’t try.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi Heather, thank you so much for this beautiful insight. You’re right, I am not that girl anymore. And going back now would be a totally different experience. I appreciate your encouragement. hugs xox

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  17. Once again, I simply wish you the best in your journey of faith and thank you very much for sharing because your sincerity and candor promote reflection and prayer. I am praying that God will continue to heal and guide you.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. haha…hmmm I guess saying yes to opportunities that arise…whether that’s an invite from a friend to do something, attending the young adult group after mass, going out and volunteering, basically just not sitting at home and watching netflix. haha meeting God halfway… 🙂 hope that helps! xox

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  19. Hi Caralyn, once again a good post and I love your d-u-h moment 🙂 But it really isn’t a d-u-h moment. People travel around a lot these days. People move, take new jobs, take new assignments, branch out, redirect….you get the idea. You might be the reason the guy takes the assignment in Circleville for the consultant firm, because he met you and you want to go there. Or you and he might decide that NYC isn’t the place but Minneapolis is, or Chicago.

    The bigger question is whether going back to Ohio means going back to the hometown. My experience (yes, I have experience with small town Ohio!!) is that there are a tremendous number of common factors across the state, and just because you love Krogers (or Big Bear…..now sadly closed) doesn’t mean you have to go to the same town you came from.

    The broader question might be what does God have in mind for your life,what passion you have that you need to plug into His world, and where does THAT take you? And it may take a while. It took me 20 years at this job before I realized that sustainability was my passion, not just a job. For you it might be blogging, writing, or God-only-knows what other work.

    But right you are that you still have a role…so go out and meet people. You could make friends, learn something new and valuable that changes your life, meet a guy…allsorts of things.
    Keep chugging 🙂 xoxo Jeff

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks so much for this, Jeff! Glad you enjoyed my duh moment! haha You’re right, I’ve gotta put myself out there and in play! I guess in terms of Ohio, the only reason I would want to move there would be to be near my family….so moving back to the midwest, but not being near my family…it just doesn’t make a lot of sense to me, I would rather just stay in nYC if I’m not actually going to be moving by them, does that make sense? Because I truly LOVE nyc…i just long to be near my family. Who knows! ((God does! haha)) I’m so glad that you’ve arrived at that passion in your life. God is good! hugs to you xox

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  20. No lie, that was an enjoyable read. Thanks for your honesty. If I could give you some advice I’d say this:

    God’s Will is not the path you walk, but how you walk the path.

    In other words, God’s Will isn’t what happens to us, but how we respond to what happens. I hope you find a good man, and I know God can bring a man to you from NYC that is open to moving to Ohio. But most importantly, I pray you stay the course and seek God above all else.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Oh thanks so much! I’m glad you enjoyed the read! And such great advice. Thank you. You’re right. It’s how we walk the path. I’ve never thought of it that way, but so so true. It’s how we respond. Thanks for He prayers! Much appreciated! Hugs and love xox

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  21. Wow talk about totally relatable! My hometown feels very much like this for me. My family is well known. Brothers were star quarterback and point guard. Everybody know everybody’s business and I find it hard to be who I have now become when I go back there. I love how vulnerable you are willing to be and wish you the best with your future hubby 😉 God’s got you! That’s for sure!

    Liked by 1 person

  22. Girl, you are absolutely gorgeous and based on what I’ve read and through your words you are such a wonderful person inside and out. Im sure you will meet THE ONE that’s meant for you in Gods perfect time. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  23. Just know it WILL happen, and let the anxiety about it fall away. Keep an open mind. NYC or Ohio – that’s two places, and there’s a whole wide world out there 😉 ! Live each day with joy, follow your passion – it’s attractive, magnetic. Be brave – think outside the box, and allow your life to be an adventure. ‘I alone know the plans I have for you … plans to bring about the future you hope for’ (Jeremiah 29) xxx

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  24. Sitting in my chair here it’s the first time I had to just sit and PONDER my response to one of your posts. I’m not all warm and fuzzy about everything you described about your hometown and your plans on going there. I agree with someone above who said maybe you could move ‘around’ there? Seems to me that you’ve done so darned well to get to where you are now, what effect will going back to your hometown to coexist with the folks who have stayed on their treadmills their entire lives? And this fixation on finding a man, well, thank God you found your way back to the real truth: sticking and staying with the Lord. He is abundance! He will fulfill you. Seems to me your home is right where your heart is. And, no matter where you go, there you are! Be well my friend. PS: checking out the party list to see potential hunks? barf, lol

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    1. Hey thanks Rob. There’s a lot of wisdom in this. You’re right — home is where my heart is. I have a lot of truly wonderful relationships here. And it’s true – getting to where I am today was no easy feat. I should celebrate that and praise God for it. Thanks for your thoughtful response. Hugs and love xox

      Liked by 1 person

  25. Moving back to the Midwest is the biggest mistake I’ve ever made in my life so make sure you’re 100% positive before you do the same. The people who stick around have no ambition or dreams for the future making it very difficult to find a significant other. All the good people went… well to NYC. lol

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  26. I smiled all the way through reading this post! Your story telling skills are awesome. No matter what it is we seek, looking to Jesus is always the best way to wait. I trust your testimony is coming soon and it’ll be splendid to read about it. God bless you dear as you shine your light to encourage others!

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  31. This is an area I haven’t been successful in until recently, so I’m not sure I’m the one to give you advice. If I knew how to pray my way to a mate or believe God for a mate, it would have happened a lot sooner. However, what stands out to me in this post is you seem to be unclear on whether ultimately you really want to live in your hometown. You like the idea of living near your parents and having children grow up knowing their grandparents, but your relationship with your neighbors would be “complicated.” Understandable, but I think before you can find the right guy, 1) you need to get clear about what you really want for your life. If it is your hometown, then 2) you need to get clear about how to handle people who bring up your past in a tactless way.
    On 2) I would just refer them to this blog and tell them in one sentence what it’s about. So if you meet a guy, you’re clicking, and someone who knows you from high school or college brings up your dreaded “baggage,” just tell them something like “It’s true I struggled with Anorexia years ago, and it almost killed me. But God saved me. Over the years since, he has helped me heal from both the physical damage and the emotional wounds behind my eating disorder. My blog will tell you anything you want to know about it. It’s called Beauty Beyond Bones. You can Google it,” and see how he responds.
    Chances are he run away like you think. And if he does, well, he needed to be eliminated from the selection process anyway.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks David, for this thoughtful reflection. Wow, I’ve never thought about it like that before…but that’s a really great way to handle people that may be “stuck” in the past. It’s funny, I met a guy just the other day and told him about this blog. I didn’t share the name or anything, but it was helpful to share where my heart is with trying to open a dialogue on tough issues. Thanks for the advice! Grateful for you! Xox

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      1. Thanks, and the line at the end was supposed to say “chances are he WON’T run away.” And you know, brother to sister (in Christ), you haven’t got this yet so I’m gonna say it again: Don’t EVER sell yourself short with a guy because of your past. The struggles you went through and the character and compassion you developed because of it make you more attractive, not less.

        Liked by 1 person

  34. Orrrr maybe the men back at your hometown may see you as someone who is strong- a fighter, a lover of life, and for God. I just think that the right man will know that your past anorexia is not a “fall from grace.” Rather a “path to grace.” Look at you now! You inspire people and your experiences is what shaped today. ☺️ hope you had a good time at that mixer! Have a great day!

    Liked by 1 person

  35. Its weird because before I met my wife, I would see nobody around my hometown. I figured there was really nobody there to bother with or who would bother with me. Then, after being solid in my relationship (at the dating stage then) I would see people that I wished I had seen back before. It wasn’t that I really wanted to end up with them. I guess it was just the idea. But all along I’ve known that, just as you said, Jesus directed me with the help of God His Father, to be exactly where I am. I know that doesn’t solve any dilemma for you right now, but I hope it helps. xoxoxoxo ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks so much:) you’re right-we will never know why God works things out the way He does, but I do trust that we are where we are for a reason. Yes! Jesus is directing us. I have faith in that:) thanks again for stopping by. I hope you’re doing well. Thinking about you and your family xoxox 🙏🙏🙏

      Liked by 1 person

  37. I mean, relevant as in something you and a lot of young Christian women out there could really benefit from, esp. those who’ve been through some trauma or struggled with body image. You seem so approachable and I wanted to offer it to you. Thanks!

    Liked by 1 person

  38. I’m glad that you came up with the conclusion that God will find the right man for you. I think it’s important to remember not to overthink it. You very well could meet a man, fall in love with him and then separate because you want to move to Ohio and he wants to stay in New York. But you really don’t know! Even then, you still will have gained more than you lost.

    Keep enjoying your time in NY thinking of all the things that could go right! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much for this encouragement! You’re right-I’ve got to trust in His perfect plan and have patience in His timing 🙂 you’re right-I will never know – just gotta take things one day at a time. Hugs and love xox

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  39. That older woman gave you excellent advice. At some point in the not too distant future, you will have to make a choice. Some people choose their path in life by not choosing it. They simply allow time to go by w/ the status quo in place.

    Forgive me, if I am being dense. But I do not see the shame associated w/ anorexia. It is an illness like thousands of others. People suffer from all kinds of things w/ a negative connotation: drug addiction, sexually transmitted disease, bankruptcy, divorce. If there is a stigma associated w/ anorexia, maybe you can play a role in changing that. A number of prostitutes made it into the Bible, as I recall.

    God answered the prayers of those who loved you, and gave you a second chance at life, plus a powerful testimony. You want to hide that light under a bushel? You don’t think maybe there are girls in Ohio suffering from the same problem? Of course, standing in front of a classroom of middle schoolers to share your story would take courage. Chances are it would not be lucrative.

    I don’t claim to know God’s plan for your life. I do know He allows us to make free will choices. By staying in NY, you are making such a choice. That’s all I’m suggesting you recognize.

    I am sure God can find a way to use you wherever you decide to live — married or single.

    Merry Christmas!

    A. ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi A, wow thank you so much for this powerful perspective. You’re right–we can make a choice by *not* making a choice. My dad calls that “pocket vetoing” by default. It is something that, you’re right–I’m going to have to come face to face with here in a couple years and actually make a decision. But that’s so comforting. God will use us right where are. I fully believe that. He has a good and perfect plan. I trust that. I just need patience. Thanks for the encouragement. Big hugs xox

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  41. Ps 27:14 Wait for the Lord; Be strong and let your heart take courage; Yes, wait for the Lord. I too am waiting for different reasons and yet the same reasons. Keep your eyes “upon Jesus” and be filled with joy and hope. Some very dear friends of mine had the event of their children (living only miles apart) to meet in the mission field of a foreign country. God has his eye upon you and cares for your every need. Love, Sister in Christ

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  42. Caralyn! I found your beautiful, real and raw blog because you kindly liked a post on my brand new infant blog, bodysoulstrength.wordpress.com . Thank you for that. 🙂 Ahhh I wish I had time to read your entire story right now….your honesty is so refreshing in a world that is constantly posting fake perfection. I will be back here and I’m looking forward to reading more of what you’ve written.
    Instead of living in a small town and having a scarlet letter, I live in a massive city but I’ve gone to small churches where everyone has known my painful story. It’s so hard to go back and have everyone feel like they need to remind you of a previous chapter of life that you’d rather just leave in the past because you’ve been healed.
    Your conclusion in this post was so very encouraging…instead of seeking a man or hiding from your past you’re seeking Jesus. I hope you find your man soon….but until then I know that seeking the Lord will bring you more joy than anything else. 🙂 And hey, you just might meet a man in NYC that’s wishing he would meet a gal that wants to move back to Ohio but he thinks that could never happen! God is bigger and has beautiful plans 😉

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  43. Well I am sure that “girlboss” was just trying to offer supportive advice, I do not necessarily think it is the only advice to dwell on. Sure, it would be much easier to find a guy from your hometown and settle in the place you are both comfortable, but at the same time, there are SO MANY guys out there that I don’t think you should cut yourself short.
    I am from Illinois, born and raised, but I went to college in Arkansas. During my senior year, I met my boyfriend (soon to be fiancé) who is a native of AR. One of our main concerns (then and now) is where will we live when all is said and done? I stayed here after graduation because, well, I love him and did not want to leave him! And, he tells me all the time that he will follow me anywhere– that where we live doesn’t matter as long as we’re together. Sure, it’s a difficult situation at times, but I will never let it ruin the love we have. It was God’s plan that I fall in love with him… a Yankee girl and a Southern boy 🙂
    So, just go out and have fun– live in the moment! HE will send you the right guy, whether he’s from New York, Ohio, or Australia! And, if he truly loves you, he will stay with you no matter life’s changes!

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    1. Hey there friend! thank you so much for this lovely note of encouragement. Aw, congratulations on such a beautiful love story and *amonst* engagement 🙂 hehe you’re right, God’s got a plan, and I trust that it is good and in perfect time. thanks so much for stopping by! big hugs ox

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  44. Oh wow. Oh wow Oh wow. I absolutely love this! I love your honesty, I love the way you write (and I’m incredibly envious of your life in NYC!) I can’t wait to read more of your story. Xx

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  45. Huzzah for small-town life!
    Err–em–*coughcough*

    I might’ve mentioned that I moved back to my small town at the beginning of this year from an already small town. And it meant leaving a steady (and very positive) job and a perfectly-sized house to come live literally in a cabin in the woods with minimal to zero employment options. It was a bit of a step leap of faith. But I knew it was the right step.

    And if there’s one way I could respond it’s that whatever you do in the months and years and whatever may come ahead, don’t do it unless you know that it’s where Father is leading you. Because sister, if he is taking you there, you can’t fail. Because I don’t mind telling you it was pretty darn scary coming here with no clear way ahead, but He has been nothing short of faithful to us.

    Anyway, I’m going to make this a short one for a change since I don’t have a whole lot of time (and I’m also saving up for when today’s post hits the press 😉 ), so until then, have a lovely day! Happy Monday (:

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    1. Hey Carson! a cabin in the words! that sounds absolutely beautiful, but I’m sure it was quite the change. And what a leap of faith that must have been. Thanks for the encouragement. You’re right – if God is leading me down that path, He will see me through. 🙂 So glad that it’s been a good and positive decision for you!! Hope you’re having a great evening! big big hugs xox

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  46. As a 25yo seminarian find that someone you can connect with can be hard and is still hard work haha. Let me tell you… When people ask, “What do you do/study?” and I respond “I’m a seminary student.” It’s usually a miss not a hit. But hey, gotta be true to who I am, I mean… can’t hide the fact that I’m gonna be a pastor lol.

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  47. Although my life is much closer to the end than the beginning, I make no claims to wisdom or knowledge. Perhaps we confuse home with geography. Home to me is where my family lives, even if I don’t live there. The lifestyle that we recollect can be recreated even in a NYC by doing what made home special, a local store, favorite restaurant, a Sunday church. If you do the things you like to do, I’m a firm believer that you meet people with similar likes and then you are halfway home.

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  48. BBB, don’t put God in a box. There is nothing too hard for God’s hand and if it is God’s will you will find your “chosen” in Manhattan and he will go and meet your family then think, “You know I could ‘live’ in this beautiful place.” God is so much bigger than we “allow” Him to be. Consider what God has, can, and will do. Joshua was fighting the Amorites but the battle was taking a long time and he asked God that the sun not go down until the battle was won. God did it! I cannot even BEGIN to decipher what God had to do to make that happen. Gideon, another servant of God being unsure of what God wanted of him put out a “fleece” and asked God if this is your choice make the dew be on the ground but not on the fleece. When God did that for him he, still was dragging his feet, put a fleece out again and asked God this time to let there be dew on the fleece and not on the ground, which God did. Our God is awesome in power and deed. There is NOTHING that is beyond God’s ability. Romans 8: verse 28 says, “all things work together for the good of those that love Him and are called according to His purpose.” I definitely believe you are called in what you do. Jeremiah 29 verse 11 says, “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”
    Trust in the Lord and the power of His might. God loves you and you’re the apple of His eye. You are a daughter of the King. Trust in Him and He will care for you!

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      1. Yes, God is good. But you must also open your arms and receive it. The Almighty will write the story for you. You can relax. You can let yourself go. Do not just say “God is good”. Let it be the vision of your whole life. Let it be, let it be, let it be…. 🙂 alright?

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  49. „Walking home, I kept replaying that conversation over and over in my head.“

    Why do you replay that conversation in your cute head? 😛

    „Not to get a date, but to just see what was out there. Or rather, see who was out there.“

    Honestly… that’s funny.. This sounds like you’re going to hunt 😀 You say, that it is no secret that home is a very bittersweet place for you… It’s time to let go. The truth is that it doesn’t matter what anyone thinks. Love is the permission to be different. Love means discovering your true self in the face of another person. Love is the invitation to say radically yes to yourself. Love says “let’s be weird together”.

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