I Grew Up This Week

Posted on by beautybeyondbones

I grew up this week.


There are few moments in life that change you. That truly transform you. Shake you into existence. Illuminate what is actually important in life and where your priorities should be.

And this past week, I had my first real life altering experience.

My mom had a stroke.

I thought that going through severe anorexia and a year-long  ulcerative colitis flare changed me, but honestly, I have never before had to grow up so fast in my life.

The time after the event was a blur. The dim glow of a lone florescent overhead in a sterile hospital room at 2:30am is disorienting in itself. But under the current circumstances, I found myself calling on the motto my mother had always instilled in me from day one of my own recovery: Just do the next right thing. 

And so I did just that. Watching my mother sleep, I didn’t know if I was more scared that she wouldn’t wake up, or what she would be like if she did. So I turned to a source of comfort – writing…to Jesus.

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And I’ve decided to share what I wrote that night…

I’m writing right now because writing is all I can do.

My mind is in five hundred different places and I need to talk or scream or cry or punch something, but I just can’t. Not today. Not here. Not now.

So I sit. Listening to Indian flute radio on Pandora and pray.

Last night my mom had a stroke.

And by the grace of God, I was here at home and not in NYC.

I’m sitting here, curled up in my big puffy coat and watching my mom sleep in her hospital bed. And I’m helpless. I cannot give her back the memories that she’s lost. I can’t give her back the Rolodex of faces in her mind that she no longer recognizes.

I mourn for the loss of her memories of who I am and what we went through and the joy we have shared. I mourn for the loss of the mother I once knew.

And so all I can do is pray. And since I don’t have the words or the energy for anything else, that’s just what I’ll do.

Lord Jesus,

I come before you tonight and I’m collapsing into your arms scared and worried and devastated about my mother’s stroke.

And I place her into your arms, Lord. Protect her. Heal her. Restore her. Bring back the woman that was full of life and vibrancy and a joy for life.

Lord I ask you also to be with my father. He is a pillar of strength, but he needs support too. Wrap him in your firm embrace and uphold his worried heart.

Jesus, there is peace that only you can bring, and I am calling on you Lord for just that. You, who rose from the grave, are capable of miracles, and I am praying that your will be done. But if that were to include the complete and total restoration and healing of my mother, that would be great.

Keep us close to you, Jesus, in this hour of great worry and fear. And move in her mind and body to restore your fierce warrior -your faithful and on-fire servant. She has given her life to sharing Your goodness, now if it be your will, I pray you pour out your saving and healing power over her.

Anyway Lord, thank you for protecting her and keeping her alive after the episode. I am beyond grateful for the second chance you have given her in the fact that she is alive and talking at all. Your mercy truly reigns.

I love you Lord.

Amen

My mom has come a long way since then. A long way. It is hard to believe that it has only been two weeks since we almost lost her. She’s conversing, laughing, dancing.

She’s physically 100%, but still having some memory and word recall difficulties. But we are very hopeful for a full recovery.

When something like this happens, certain things become very clear. Very fast.

You find out real quick what is truly important in life: Your Family. Your Loved Ones. And God. Everything else can wait. Acting careers. New Year’s Eve parties. your own needs, really. None of it matters when you’re faced with life or death.

And that is precisely why I’m moving home. Temporarily. To help my best friend during this critical period in her recovery.

This woman is my life blood, and I’m going to be there for her, just as she has been there for me my entire life.

And there’s nowhere else I’d rather be.

This is an anonymous blog, which, obviously, allows me to share this and other personal details about my life. So I ask that if you know me in real life, please do not share this information about my mother. She will share with people when she’s ready. And I thank you for respecting that.

Every day, I’m learning so much. Especially about prayer. But also about God. About Grace. And Courage. And I’m really looking forward to sharing those things with you over the next few weeks or months…or, who knows.

God does.

He’s got her. And in addition to “Doing the next right thing,” I’m also going to call upon my new motto as of Tuesday at 8pm…Jesus, I trust in You. 

Oh, and one last thing…thank you for the outpouring of love, support and prayers these last few days. I know that her tremendous progress thus far is in part thanks to you incredible prayer warriors. Thank you with all my heart.

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BBB: Because we're all recovering from something. // For speaking/business inquiries: beautybeyondbones@yahoo.com

643 thoughts on “I Grew Up This Week”

  2. Proverbs 3:5-6 KJV
    Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.
    [6] In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.”

    Trust is the key. I believe with you, God will heal her and teach you more about him. Glad you are moving back to help – temporarily.

    Liked by 2 people

  4. Praise God for your mother’s marvelous recovery thus far; truly amazing, to say the least! And thank you for sharing this frightening, painful, awakening episode of your life. God bless you, your mother and your entire family!

    Liked by 2 people

  5. I have always commented on what a wonderful inspiration you are! Now we can add this part of your journey. You have a powerful testimony and amazing courage! I didn’t know about your Mom. I will pray for her continual healing and pray for you and your family. I have two daughters and know they would make the same decision. God hears every word of every prayer. Thank you for sharing your walk of faith…I have no doubt you have touched many hearts!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi Rick, oh gosh what a kind thing to say. thank you so much. Yes, life is definitely an unexpected journey. I am so grateful for the prayers. they are working. she will get well. I am claiming that. God will provide. Thankful for wonderful friends like you. massive hugs xox

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  6. You are doing the right thing. It doesn’t take away the fear or pain of what happened to your mother, or even takes it away from your father in seeing your mother in such pain that’s outside of his control. In times like this, you are doing everything that God wants you to do, which is turning to Him, glorifying Him and requesting His help in comforting and healing you and your family. In times such as these, it’s good to read Philippians 4, the whole chapter, and realize three things-God answers all prayers, He does so by giving your spirit peace, and He does that by giving you the Body of Christ to share in your joys, hurts, and sufferings.

    Rejoice in the Lord, for He is good and His steadfast love endures forever.

    Praying for you hardcore and always Caralyn!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much, my friend. What an encouraging and kind note. He has been upholding my family right now, that’s for sure. God is good and I am so grateful for His grace, and also for friends like you. Yes, even during this time, I am rejoicing in His goodness. hugs xox

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  8. I am sorry to hear your news, but heartened to learn your mother is bouncing back so fast! What wouldn’t we do for our mothers. Travel safe in blessings and prayers for continued healing!

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Dearest, letting you know that I am weeping, is for me. Hugging you in joyous appreciation of your strength and wisdom, is for you. My prayers and the candle I am lighting, is for your mom…and your dad. Your faith just may have saved her. just sayin’

    Liked by 1 person

  13. I was so sorry to hear this and I’ll be praying for your mom’s quick recovery. I know it’s not the same but my grandpa had a stroke years ago and it really is scary worrying about how much strokes can change people. In my case and hopefully yours too, it only brought my family closer together. Even though my grandpa couldn’t talk just seeing his smile when me and my cousins came in the room was more than enough. I’m sure this will only remind you and your mom how much you mean to each other even if some words and memories are lost

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Oh, thank you so much for your prayers. it really means a lot. and gosh, I’m so sorry to hear about your gradndpa. ou’re right, it is scary. thakfully it didn’t hit the part of her brain that controls her personality or her mobility. we were very lucky. oh, gosh. my heart just goes out to your family. it’s true, things like this bring people together. hugs to you xox

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  19. Praying for you and your parents, and especially your mother. My mother-in-law just returned home from the hospital after having had two strokes, so I know the struggles. In life’s stages, first the children are cared for by the parents, and then the parents are cared for by their adult children. Such is God’s plan. He will give you strength and grace for each moment.

    Liked by 1 person

  21. Your Faith, Caralyn, is a powerful thing.

    Wishing you hope and resilience and peace, and strength so that you can provide the support from a daughter that your mother needs to weather this turn.

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  22. I got to read your post this early because I was up all night prepping for a professional development day today with my teachers. This after about 9 days of reflection and struggle to prep for this! It was well worth it, both to put in effort for their precious sakes, as well as to catch this so quickly after you posted.

    In 1997, I almost lost my dad to kidney failure, and I’ll never forget those nightmarish days, when I was almost on the verge of selling the house furniture because we didn’t have money for the treatment. I vividly remember one morning letting it all go – breaking up inside and falling into His hands, while listening to Kevin Prosch’s ‘Even So Come’, and the days of difficulty upheld by a strange peace after that, and then weeks later, the miraculous open doors to take him for surgery, it’s success, Dad’s vision of extended life given to him, and the amazing provision after that to pay the bills. He’s now 91, and lives with me, and a few months back he deteriorated at about the time I launched my blog, and I wrote the stories of God’s amazing answer to desperate prayer, and his complete turn-around, while at the same time struggling to deal with death in the family that we’ve been helping for more than 9 months now.

    I’m so glad for you to have experienced this. These are turning points for sure in our lives, and you will be amazed to see the blessing that will continue to outpour from these last two weeks in the coming months and years, both in your life, as well as through you into lives of others.

    My family will be praying for all of you through these days. Your family is precious in His sight, and as the Word says, He doesn’t willingly allow affliction to His children, and their deaths, both literally and metaphorically are precious in His sight. You can be sure of a mighty act of love being carefully constructed through this, although it may not feel like it. God never makes mistakes, and He is in TOTAL, loving, control of everything. You are all very much in the palm of His hand.

    God bless, and much love to your parents from us,
    Indi

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I realise that my saying that I’m glad for you to have experienced this may have sounded quite insensitive. I’m sorry if it did. What you have gone through is not something I would wish for anyone, and of course I’m sorry that your parents are experiencing this time, but I’m very glad for you to have had the experience of walking with God through this with all the attendant pain, knowing what it is doing for your relationship with God and your parents, and I’m very glad to hear how God has answered in your mom’s recovery.

      Liked by 1 person

    2. Hi again Indi! I’m sorry, I thought I pressed send on my reply, but something must have happened!! Again, I am so grateful that you shared this. You’re right- these experiences bring people together and shine a spotlight on the things that really matter, and also illuminate those things that we’re preoccupied with that are just flat out unimportant. It’s true. God is in control and He will get us through this. What a gift you’ve given your father. You are a good son. Thanks again for your prayers. You and your family are also in mine 🙂 hugs xox

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  23. Beautifully spoken. The words of God always are. You’re exactly where you’re meant to be. Where you’re truly needed. Where you’re safe. The universe has big plans for special people like you. Sending you and your family my lights.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Owl City also has a nice rendition of “In Christ Alone (I Stand)” you might like as well. I don’t know what it is about their music, but it always does my soul good and I like to pretend I’m a metal head. ❤

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  35. My friend Carolyn, I am greatly burdened for your soul. You are wonderful person. My dearest friend. Why are ye fearful? Be anxious for nothing. Tonight you talk about mottos. I have a motto for you and I pray that you keep it within your heart. Regret looks back, Worry looks around and faith looks up. Have your mind girded with the words of the Lord. Think on the things that pure, true, honest, just, lovely Put your heart upon God’s altar and seek him. God heals the brokenhearted. If you need any guidance in the scripture to keep you in good courage and strong in the faith let me know. I’m wondering why I have such a pull towards you and the gospel??? I will always keep you and yours in prayer.

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  38. Caralyn, I thank you for your sharing. I pray for your mother and father, trusting that though I have not their names, God knows for whom I intercede, and for you and your family…

    I pray in hope of healing in this life and world…

    I pray for you all to know the Spirit’s strength of solace and solace of strength.

    Love and peace, always and in all ways,
    Paul

    Liked by 1 person

  40. Oh Caralyn, I am so sorry to hear that your Mom had a stroke, I PRAISE GOD with you for her strong recovery this far, and partner with you in prayer to our Healer, Jesus Christ, for a further recovery.
    I will continue to pray for your Mom, also for your Dad, as I know he will be suffering along with her, in a different way of course, but still suffering,no wondering.
    And Caralyn, I will certainly be praying for you. Praying for our Lord Jesus to give you Strength, in body, mind and spirit, as you go home to help your folks. In all you do, praying for a Protective Covering of the shed Blood of Jesus to be over you. Praying for the Spirit of the Resurrected Christ to give you guidance and wisdom in any and all decisions. Praying the Spirit of God will give you words to say as you speak with your Mom and Dad during the next days, weeks whatever. Also praying that you each will have full understanding of every thing the Doctors and nurses may tell you.
    Mostly praying that each of you will experience the Presence of Jesus, the Power of His Spirit, the Love of Almighty God with you continually.
    God’s Blessings Friend.
    If there is anything come along I can pray specifically for, please let me know.
    Luv.
    George

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much for this beautiful note, George. Yes, God has really brought her through. There is power in prayer. Thank you for your continued prayers. I am so grateful for you and your friendship. Gosh, George, I am so touched by your powerful words. My heart is so warm right now. Cheesy but true. You are a blessing to me. Know that you and yours are also in my heart and prayers. Massive hugs xox

      Liked by 1 person

  41. My thoughts and prayers are with your mother for a full recovery. My prayers are with you as well. What a beautiful piece! However, I think I disagree with the premise of your lede paragraph. You sound grown up to me. In fact, I suspect your family is pretty proud of the woman that you’ve become. In any event, I understand what you were trying to say. I know seeing my own family’s health issues over the years has hit me hard. You feel like you’ve been hit by sledge-hammer. Glad though to hear things sound like they’re looking brighter for your mom!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. thank you so much for this wonderful note, Brian. I so appreciate your prayers. and what a kind thing to say. I am grateful for you 🙂 Very true – it is an unexpected shock. Yes, God is good and there really is power in prayer! she’s doing great and I am so inspired by her courage. thanks again. hugs xo

      Liked by 1 person

      1. It’s hard to be strong for our parents, but as we age, so do they. Sometimes a scare helps us appreciate those around us. Continue to be the strong woman she raised as she will count on that strength to help her through her own recovery

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