When Love Hurts 

Posted on by beautybeyondbones

There is a weariness of spirit, that I’m going to be honest, I wasn’t expecting to encounter.

My mom always taught me, growing up, that if I ever wanted to get myself out of a funk, or feel better, that all I needed to do was to help or do something nice for another person. And she was always right.

Up until this time, let’s see – 8 weeks now since my mom had her stroke – pouring myself out in service to my mom and dad has been everything I thought it would be. The joyful giver comes to mind. And if I’m honest, the giving felt good. My spirit was full of the joy that comes from helping and loving another person.

That’s been my mission and what I’ve felt called to do right now: simply to love.

To love in every way, shape, and form that brings. Whether that’s listening or comforting my mom when she’s feeling overwhelmed or discouraged. Whether it’s doing a humiliating dance or silly accent spontaneously to lighten the mood when people are down. Whether that’s emptying the dishwasher at 6:30 in the morning before the house wakes up or making sure there are groceries in the fridge. Or whether it’s just spending time with my father to let him know he’s not alone in this.

Love takes many forms. Forms that I was anticipating. Forms that I welcomed. And embraced.

But what about another form of love that is often not talked about.

What about when love hurts?

This is an oft overlooked aspect of love, because honestly, it’s not fun to discuss. It’s not pleasant to remember and usually painful to relive.

And well, I’m beginning to understand why.

I’ve been pretty emotionally blindsided here these last several days.

One of the things that I really didn’t appreciate about strokes was how much it can change a person, at least during the initial recovery period. Sure, there are the obvious changes: for many (thankfully not my mom): there are physical changes – challenges that require physical/occupational therapy to manage. But then there are the mental and personality changes, which are not so obvious, at least on the surface, but that can be, perhaps, even more devastating than the physical.

But my spirit has been redlining, getting beaten down by discouragement, and dwelling on the things I cannot change. Allowing myself to feel defeated or hurt by her moments of tension or acute frustration.

Things as simple as the air space in a room, that was once filled with overwhelming love and compassion from my mom, is now stagnant and often tense, perhaps even slightly charged.

And that hurts.

As I type this, my eyes are just waterfalls, spilling over all the fear and confusion and pain that I’ve been bottling up, being strong on the outside for my dad and for my family, but I honestly don’t know what to do.

I know that this behavior and display is not really my mom. Mood swings are par for the course and this is just a result of the trauma in her brain and an aftermath of the stroke. And it’s not all the time. But I am just beside myself and truly lost for what to say or what to do or anything.

And after an especially difficult episode, I had to just go upstairs and cry.

What, Lord, are you trying to teach me through this? How, Lord, can I love this woman in the way she needs right now? Help me, Lord, to speak the words she wants to and needs to hear. 

This sluggishness of soul is new for me. I don’t feel myself. And I feel incapable of being the light and bringing the joy that my family so needs right now.

But I think what I need to remember is that, this “not myself” feeling I’m experiencing…my mom is experiencing this 100 times worse. Only she can’t express how she’s feeling and she doesn’t know how/if she’ll ever be fully back to herself. So the least I can do is offer compassion.

Going forward, I know things are going to probably get harder, not easier. But my presence at home has never been more needed. Not only for my mom, but also for my dad, as he’s feeling the pain of this new phase of recovery.

I need to remember that love can hurt.  I just glanced up and saw the crucifix. And if that doesn’t exemplify the degree to which love can hurt, then I don’t know what else to say.

Love is not always a walk in the park. Love is a choice. And I am realizing that now more than ever. Even if that means enduring some tough moments that leave me feeling raw or with a trampled spirit.

We are called to love. Even when it hurts.

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BBB: Because we're all recovering from something. // For speaking/business inquiries: beautybeyondbones@yahoo.com

486 thoughts on “When Love Hurts ”

  1. Love does hurt. It sometimes demands that we give of ourselves more than we can. And sometimes, the other person, is not in a position to return your love. But to have loved, enriches us. Its bittersweet. The joy of love and the pain it sometimes brings.

    You are going through a very difficult time. And I pray that it will ease, and that your love would lighten the scars that could have been. One thing is for certain, that your love improves the situation, and without it, everyone loses a little something.

    Hang in there.

    Liked by 2 people

      1. My trials are made easier thanks to my blog. And partly by reading about the trials of others. It reminds me that others have suffered and conquered. Thank you for sharing your life. And thanks for checking out my blog.

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      3. you have such a massive following. Can I ask you if it really helps? The blogging community. I am so lost. I am losing the mini-community of my own family. I need to have something to replace it with. I am hoping I find something that sticks.

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      4. That’s kind of you to say. You know, there are some really incredible friendships that I’ve made on here that I am so grateful for. Truly. It’s not that I think about the “numbers” or anything like that, but the kindness from people who I’ve genuinely grown to care about, it does mean a lot to me. I hope that helps. And that you find that something that “sticks.” 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

  2. I haven’t had to walk this path yet. I know you already know this but make sure you as a caretaker take care of yourself…whatever that looks like for you…8 weeks is a long time to be “on call” out of your normal routine. Rooting for you out here in the hinderlands. DM

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  5. What comes to mind is you are taking on a burden meant for God, not you. We are not equipped to go this type of thing alone, perhaps you need to ask him to help more. The other aspect is you. I think being honest in your feelings is critical. Why do people need to change their demeanor in times of crisis? I don’t think you wear an S on your chest, so why act invulnerable? Be yourself and feel what you feel. It’s no secret what’s happening afterall. Finally, what are you doing for you? Your soul is crying out, or redlining, for a reason. Ignoring your needs will do no one any good. Look what’s happening to you! I hope you are used to my type of commentary lol. I mean it always with love and care. My thoughts are with you and your family. It’s going to work as God see fits. Let Him do the heavy lifting

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      3. That’s major high praise coming from such a soul as you! Thanks, it makes me happy that I could be there for you. I am always here for you if you need me.

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  7. Thank writing out your heart with authentic faith on this topic. It’s refreshing and real, we must talk through all aspects of life and love and suffering if we are to be real. It seems God has given you a gift in this blog to express yourself in constructive ways that blessed us also.
    Press on with sacrifical love dear sister. God is with you and especialy when we feel the lest powerful to manage it ourselves. Unless we are empty of self, Christ cannot really fill us with himself.
    Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends.

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    1. Thank you so much for your thoughtful and kind words. Gosh, I am so touched by that. I don’t know, but I am just so grateful for the friendships on here, and that God has allowed our paths to cross. 🙂 And that is my favorite verse about love. thanks for sharing 🙂 big hugs xox

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  8. Amen! Love does hurt. It’s painful stuff in all of it’s forms. It always comes with a great price, like the price Christ paid for us.

    “But I am just beside myself and truly lost for what to say or what to do or anything.”

    From an old caregiver pro here, you can’t actually “do” anything. Believing you can is what makes your soul weary. “Doing” usually amounts to trying to fix things that you lack the power to fix. Perhaps a better way to put it is that you simply love, bear witness to someone else’s suffering, and just trust that God is collecting your tears in a bottle. That’s the gift you give, bearing witness like the women did at the foot of the cross or at the empty tomb. Your presence, your tears are the gift, completely absent of actually “doing” anything.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks so much 🙂 Gosh, I am so uplifted by your words. But so true – Christ paid such a price for us. And *sigh* that’s so true. I have to let go of the “doing bug” and just *be* with them. That’s all. Thanks again for the encouragement. hugs xox

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  9. You have the kindest spirit. You teach me something new, each time I read your blog. You inspire me to be a better person. I love your boldness and openness, regarding your faith. You are a beautiful person, inside and out. Your parents are blessed to have you as their daughter. Keep being the light that you are. It shines brighter than you will ever know.

    God Bless your sweet soul,
    Penelope

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  10. You are doing everything right. Sometimes there no words for you to say…. just listen. Be that one important person in your mom and dads lives that is making a difference and loving them unconditionally…. ust like you are doing. Just listen and love them that is all you can really do…. just like they did for you when you were little. Time and love has come full circle and you have become the caregiver as hard as that is. Do you have anyone else that can help them too so you can get some breaks???? because you do need to give yourself some beaks too. You are a wonderful daughter and person. So sorry this is such a difficult time in all of your lives. Hugs and blessings to you dear. ❤

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    1. Oh thank you so much. You’re right – listening is powerful. Sometimes a person just needs to be heard. You’re doing that for me, and for that I am so grateful. Yes. I do, we’ve been keeping it close to the chest, but I have some good friends that I talk to just about every other day. So I’m thankful for that. So glad you stopped by. Your encouragement means the world. Hugs xox

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  11. I have not felt myself for over a month and I have been struggling to be motivated in faith. I felt my self wondering and not knowing how to turn back. I personally hate talking to other people about how I’m feeling its worse when I realise I have been doing things wrong or been going about it the wrong way. I finding it hard to interact with church family because of how I feel and that hurts me so much 😭

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    1. Hi Benjamin, thank you so much. That really resonates with me…I never feel comfortable talking about myself or my “things” with others. But I think you’re right – letting people in is so important to help in that area. Praying for you, friend. If you ever need to talk, I’m here! big hugs xox

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  12. I can fully empathize with this – know you are not alone. I looked after my mom with Alzheimers 24/7 for 10 years sole charge (except for the final year when I got a week’s respite care a month). One of the hardest things for me to take was the realization that she no longer had any concern for me. It’s hard to express this, but her former caring nature towards others disappeared quite early on in the piece. It didn’t matter what was happening to me (even in one instance a dislocated elbow), she just didn’t recognize my needs or respond in any way. She was never nasty, but she became very blinkered and self-centered, which is perhaps a protective measure taken by the mind struggling with its own limitations. I had no partner, husband, siblings or anyone else for support, so the situation was especially cruel. On occasions I had difficulty keeping my cool. Times like this are very hard, but you walk away from them when it’s all over with huge inner strength. The Lord will carry you through and if you keep the right attitude you will benefit from it. Bless you for what you are doing!!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much for sharing part of your story. A lot of it resonates with me. I’m so sorry that you had to endure that. What a gift, though that you gave to your mother in her time of need. She may not have been able to say it right then but I know she was grateful in her heart for the sacrifice you made for her. Thanks for the encouragement. Big hugs xox

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  13. Oh I’m sorry to hear of your (quite understandable) weariness of spirit and wish I had a wand for that (from here I have only prayers : ) But, on the bright side, you do seem very much in touch with your feelings and that is always a start to feeling better in some way. What strikes me is that you are such a Giver but you know we being human do have needs and it sounds like (imho of course!) the balance is out of whack with all the giving. Do you have any friends nearby, to take an evening off now and then? Do you have someone to talk with, even your favorite priest, so that you don’t feel like your dad and family have more to bear? At least you are venting here : ) Real hugs and in-person listening and laughter may be better for uplifting the soul though!

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    1. Thanks so much 🙂 You’re so kind to say that. Yeah, I need to find some balance. I do have some friends here in Ohio that I am very grateful to have to be able to connect with. Yeah, the people in this little community have been such a blessing that I am very thankful for 🙂 Thanks for the encouragement. hugs xo

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  14. From another person who also tends to hold things in until she explodes in tears, know that it’s okay to cry. God understands. He is the God of all comfort and emphasizes with your sorrow. Let Him hold you.

    https://youtu.be/lsG2XBFXYts praying he comforts both you and your family and gives you space to renew your soul. Ugh, how I want to hug you 💕

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    1. Oh Julia, thank you so much. Yes, God does understand, and I can definitely cry out to Him. It’s just allowing myself to do that 🙂 Thanks so much for sharing that. And for your prayers. Big hugs to you xox

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      1. You’re welcome. 💕 if you ever need an ear, know I’m here for you. May not have gone through this, but I’ll listen and send you songs and scripture ☺️ “it’s just allowing myself to do that.” You and me both – it hurts actually. It’s like an overwhelming heaviness always waiting to spill and then once it does, a tiredness sets in. Hugs. ❤️❤️

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      2. Oh my gosh you are the sweetest. Thank you. Truly, Julia – I am so touched by your thoughtfulness and am so grateful for our friendship. I always walk away from our little interactions feeling so encouraged. Hope you have a beautiful night 🙂 xox

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  16. Tough love…love is tough.

    Love is not easy, and it demands a lot of us. Remember that Jesus offered to share our burdens, “for my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.” Some think this means that he will take our burdens from us, but that is not what he is saying, his offer is to lighten our load by taking some of it from us. If you are not familiar with a yoke, it is used in work animals to share the work between them so that neither has to take upon themselves the full load. Take Jesus at his offer, pray for his help in easing your load.

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  19. I’ve read most of your posts and I have to say that this is one of the most meaningful posts I have come across. I especially love (no pun intended) the part where you wrote “Love is a choice”. That is so true and sometimes we can’t help but to love even when it hurts. Thank you for your posts!

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  20. My grandfather had a stroke not long ago, and he also has dementia. Yes, love does hurt and the wounds it inflicts are savage. Thanks for the truth, and know that God is with you through this trying time. We’re praying for you and yours.

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    1. Hi Brandon, oh gosh, I am so sorry to hear that about your grandfather. I will definitely keep you and your grandfather in my thoughts and prayers. And thank you for your prayers as well. hang in there. it is a tough road, but yes, God is with us! hugs xox

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  23. CS Lewis…. to love at all is to be vulnerable……..inter alia

    Your vulnerability can only make you more courageous and provide compassion. It’s just refreshing and sad to hear you speak so transparently, I feel like I know you. You know what, God is crying with you and even more than you, for you your mom and your dad. Day by day……..as you endure your strength will be honed… ane even if you never understand why, trust in his promises, his wisdom love and power. Just think about it, we cannot be refined any other way. You will be okay, John assures us and reminds us that we must cast our burdens on him, because he cares for us and that in just a little while he will make us firm, and strong and ground us. Pray for wisdom, strength and courage and then pay attention to see how he reaches out and comforts you…..I will be praying for you and your mom and Dad too.

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    1. Trust in His promises, wisdom, love and power. Gosh, that really hits home with me. Thank you for sharing that. It’s so true, we have to just lay this down and give our worries and fear and pains to Him. He is the great Comforter. Thanks for the prayers. it means the world. hugs xo

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  24. Bless you, and your Mom. It’s hard for all involved. Your Mom, who wants to be back to her old self, wants to be the one taking care of everyone, like you said in your last blog. She was the one always giving. It must be so frustrating, heartbreaking, you name it, for her to have to depend on you. She’s got not only a stroke to recover from but then this role reversal, that must be alien to her. Hard for you seeing her like this, wanting to make her better, wanting to understand, wanting to take away all her struggles. I wish there were words that would take it all away for the both of you, and your dad but knowing that’s not possible, I will keep praying for all of you. All that comes to me is He is made stronger in our afflictions, He will never leave you or forsake you. God Bless you 🙂

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    1. Oh my gosh, you have hit the nail on the head. Yes. So true. My heart breaks for her for all of those reason. Thank you for your kindness. And for your prayers. Truly, it means the world. I am incredibly comforted by that : He will never leave us — that is a soothing balm to my heart. You are a blessing to me, my friend. thank you 🙂 big hugs xox

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  26. Sister Soldier, It is my fervent prayer that you grow in God’s amazing grace and hold to His promise: “I will never leave you, nor forsake you”. Remember God is a promise keeper and He cannot fail, so cling to Him in you troubles. Lean not on your own understanding (Proverbs 3:5). Cast your cares on Him for He cares for you (Psalm 55:22). I know that what you are going through seems impossible, but that is even more reason to trust God because He specializes in the “impossible”!

    Keep your head up because up is where your help comes from 🙂

    Dear friends, do not be surprised at the fiery ordeal that has come on you to test you, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice inasmuch as you participate in the sufferings of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed when his glory is revealed. 1 Peter 4:12-13

    https://thewaychristiandiscipleship.wordpress.com/2014/01/09/real-talk-do-not-be-surprised/

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    1. Thank you so much for this beautiful response. It really resonated with me. “I will never leave you” — what a comfort that is to really think about. All of those verses are. Thanks for sharing that. I’m going to write that on a post-it : God specializes in the “Impossible.” Hugs to you xo

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  29. Jesus said that the greatest love involves the greatest pain – laying down your life, nobody needs to hear all the gory details of the realities of his death to know laying your life down is painful.
    But take comfort in this Caralyn: it isn’t you. Crisis may be–no, crisis IS the best thing that can happen to you because it forces you to the end of yourself–the ‘this is the end of my strength and ability’ moment where you finally realize you’re in way over your head and you just can’t do it without Jesus. And you can’t.
    So rest in him. Burnout and bedrock are totally okay places to be but you gotta stop and rest when you get there, and always always always remember…it’s borrowed love. (:

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    1. The greatest love involves the greatest pain — what a powerful thought. You’re right — it isn’t me. Jesus is the one sustaining us throughout all of this, and for that I am so thankful. Your words always give me such clarity and a new perspective. I’m very grateful for you, Carson. Thank you so much. hugs x

      Liked by 1 person

      1. But of course, my pleasure (: Because when you work out of a place of rest (and when that place of rest is the ultimate place of rest, in Jesus eg: ‘come to Me all you weary and heavy-burdened and I will give you rest’) there might still be some burnout as you learn to prioritize, there might still be some bedrock, as Jesus leads you through things, but now you’re doing it resting in the arms of Prince of Peace, Wonderful Counselor, and Almighty God, and ‘my God will supply all your needs according to his glorious riches‘.

        A couple weeks back my puppet team director asked the question, ‘How much do you worry, on a scale of 1 to 10, 1 being not much, 10 being lots.’ and I took a hard look at myself and I said somewhere between 0.5 and 1.5 while mostly everyone else was above 5. And we went through this 23-item list of things people commonly worry about and we counted, I think I ended up with 5 maybes. And all that’s saying something because I’ve always been an anxious, nervous person who worried a lot about things, and in the last few years going out on my own I had a whole bunch more to worry about. But a few years ago was when I was learning that I could rest in Jesus, and now even after living paycheck to paycheck in a little house with minimal work opportunities, I’m not worrying, and that’s such a big testament to how much I’ve been able to find that rest and assurance in Prince of Peace. I mean, how many people can rattle off that name, or the verses that talk about peace that passes all understanding….and still worry because they don’t really know…who their Prince of Peace is.. I looked at everybody around the circle that night and I wish now I would’ve said, it shouldn’t be so surprising I don’t worry, I know Prince of Peace!

        Anyway, just another tim-bit for you 🙂 Have a wonderful week!

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      2. That really resonated with my ” God will provide all our needs.” What a comfort that is.And even just His name – the Prince of Peace…we don’t realize how much of a luxury peace is until it in scarcity. What an enlightening conversation that was — its so true – resting in Jesus relieves all those fears and worries. The Prince of Peace. 🙂 Always appreciate your little nuggets of wisdom, Carson! have a great day 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

  30. Perhaps you can think of this as preparation for marriage and family of your own. There are no guarantees that life will go as expected–and it often doesn’t. Learning to take the easy with the difficult is a great life lesson. You have probably already thought of this, but maybe this experience is giving you insight into how it was for your mom when you were sick. I hold you and your family in prayer.

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    1. Hi Madeline. Thanks so much for this. I like that – as preparation. 🙂 And you’re right, this definitely gives me new appreciation for the overwhelming love she poured out for me during my own time of need. What an incredible woman. Thanks so much. Big hugs to you xox

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  31. Hi Caralyn: first of all, a BIG HUG to you. You have blessed many, and are sure a Blessing to your Mom and Dad.
    Even Our Lord Jesus got fatigued when He was on earth, helping, feeding, healing, blessing many. Often times He went off by Himself, and how did He spend that time alone, talking with His Father in Heaven. A question for you to ponder on your own: As busy as you are, and I know you are busy, have you taken / made time each day to read the Bible, talk to our Heavenly Father, and then sit quietly to listen for His voice. ( I am not prying, I am not saying you are not doing all this. I Luv you, respect you, admire you too much Caralyn, to think negatively at all).
    I am just trying to encourage you, and share, offer suggestions that at times it is easy for each of us to overlook.

    You may need some “Caralyn” time also. Some time just for you to enjoy yourself, laugh, relax, leaving stress and concerns aside for a short while.

    Continuing to pray for you, your Mom and Dad, Dear Amazing Friend.
    Luv and HUGS. 💐 🌹🌹❤️

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    1. Thank you so much, George. I am so grateful for you 🙂 You know, I really should find more prayer time. That’s unfortunately, typically, the first thing that gets squeezed out when things get hectic. But you’re right, when I do have that time, I come away with a renewed spirit and an overwhelming sense of peace. I gratefully accept that challenge 🙂 I’ve been thinking and praying for you after the other weekend, George. And I am sending prayers of thanksgiving that you are doing well! big big hugs xox

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      1. Thank you Caralyn. I am doing well, thanks. I am still feeling good, with no lingering after effects.
        Our plans got messed up, but I am still here, and still able to know that changes in plans had to be made. So we continue to give Jesus PRAISE.
        God’s Blessings, and Strength, Luv and Hugs.

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  32. Caring for parents is hard, I know from experience. Yet it can be rewarding too…just like when they were parenting us! Comes full circle. When a major thing happens like this there is a mourning period of what once was. It is more than ok to mourn that. 🙂 Continued prayers.

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    1. Thanks so much Deanna. I really appreciate your continued prayers. You are a blessing to me. You’re right, I was talking about that with my brother the other day, that it’s okay to mourn. Definitely had a good cry into his shoulder. The first time, really, since it happened. Thanks for being so amazing. hugs to you xo

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  34. Yes love hurts its a pain that is felt so deep do not deprive yourself of hurting cry release taking care of someone especially who you love is exhausting and drains you its all part of this believe me I know I took care of my mom who was dying and watching a strong willed women turn slowly before my eyes to a frail sad women was devastating …but she was my mom so no worries you will go through many different stages of feelings there is no wrong in it, so do not not be so hard on yourself.Thinking of you .. Hugs

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    1. Thank you so much for this. Oh gosh, I’m so sorry that you can relate so personally. What a gift that you gave your mother during her time of need. That must have been so hard. I really appreciate your kindness and encouragement. sending big hugs xox

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      5. Oh sleep yes that would be !!!! I could use some myself ..but school vacation with a teenage son who just got his drivers license does not make for easy sleep …waiting for him to get home….please say a prayer for me 🙂

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  35. My heart hurts for you and the pain you’re going through. Remember that you can’t control the situation. You can’t “fix it.” Ask God for guidance and wisdom. Also, take some time for yourself. Try to get away for a day if you can. It will give you a much needed break and a fresh perspective. Sending hugs. ❤️❤️

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    1. Thank you Gerri. That’s so true – I’ve got to ask Him for that guidance and hope and peace and wisdom. He is in control and I am GRATEFUL for that! 🙂 It’s comforting to remember that I’m not in the drivers seat and that God has got this. Thanks for stopping by! hugs xx

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  37. Dear friend. You and I have experienced similar things in the last little while. Surround yourself with the Love of God… This request isn’t just words I speak to you. Over the past two years I have been blessed to know you and read your words. I am here for you as your personal prayer warrior.

    https://nerdfornews.com/2017/02/09/the-price-of-prayer/

    https://nerdfornews.com/2017/02/10/a-year-living-like-joseph-how-to-stay-humble-during-times-of-great-hurt/

    https://nerdfornews.com/2017/02/16/putting-down-the-sword/

    Much love to you Carolyn

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      5. Dear Lord ianthony come before your throne of grace at the request of giving help to those in need. Hearken unto my prayer for my friend Carolyn give her the strength she needs to have joy continuously. Give her the strength to believe every word you speak. Give her the wisdom to be still when the waters around her are rough. Give her the compassion to have pure religion listed in James. let your words be an ornament around her neck give her the piece that comes the waters. Give her the peace that heals the sick. Give her the love language spoken of in The Sermon on the Mount. it’s been an honor to be your friend this is your time to seek the Lord with your whole heart without the distractions of the concrete jungle behind you. give me the strength of Paul in which Paul wrote saying I am content in whatever state that I am in. Give her the courage of Esther the Loyalty of job and Abraham I asked that she contend for the faith that was once delivered unto the Saints. surround her mind with the beautiful thing that the Lord asks us to think upon listed in Philippians chapter 4 verse 8 may the Lord bless you may the Lord keep you may the Lord make his face to shine upon you and may the Lord love you with Grace abounding. I ask this in the name of Jesus

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      6. Wow, Anthony, what a beautiful prayer. I am so humbled and touched by this. It really resonated with my spotty. Yes – let His strength bring my family and I courage and joy in this time. God is good and I cling to Him. Grateful for you, friend. This was beautiful. hugs xo

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      7. whenever trials come your way singing the same way Paul did in prison sitting next to Silas sing way discouragement white singing group gospel songs and Praises unto the Lord and let your requests be made known unto him and he shall grant them. I love you my friend

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  38. Beautiful beautiful words, you have such a strong spirit sweetie and you’re an inspiration for us all. I wish you the best in this time of hardship.

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    1. Thank you so much, girl. That really means a lot 🙂 Yeah, this is definitely a difficult and confusing time, but I am so grateful for friends like you 🙂 hope your week is off to a good start! big hugs xox

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    1. Oh, I’m so glad that this hit home with you 🙂 You’re so right – I sometimes get overwhelmed when I think just how much love I have been shown over the years. It is really such a gift. thanks for your kind words. hugs xox

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  40. I know exactly what you are going through. Ever since I came out eons ago and then my dad getting cancer and then mom getting cancer and she has had a few surgeries. I know that they need us for support because they were there when we were sick or having surgery. I am adopted and so I knew I didn’t fit but growing up with a dad who was a preacher and a mom who was the bible lady of the family tree, after me coming out it was hard on both parties and then its that one thing that happens, like you said “love can hurt” and it does. I quit school and got an early morning job so that I could take care of my dad during his recovery, I drove him to his appointments and even to therapy. He stated to me one day “I know I am not your biological father, but the way we have treated you was unfair and unkind… Regardless, I love you son…” Stay strong and I will keep you and your parents in my prayers for a safe and healthy recovery. Give your mom love and keep your dad laughing 😉

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    1. Wow, what a journey you’ve been on, Matthew. Thank you so much for sharing your story. I will definitely keep your family in my thoughts and prayers. What a gift you are giving your parents in their time of need. It really gives a testimony to your character. Hang in there. And that’s great advice. Laughing is always the best medicine 😉 hugs xox

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  41. Caralyn, so many have shared wonderful things. Know that I continue to pray as my heart aches for you and your family. This past summer I was struggling with some very hard issues, and asked the Lord in prayer to hold me. His unspoken response in my head and heart were, “My child, I wish you’d realize that I have been holding you all along.” I will pray you sense being held, so that your soul can be refreshed by our amazing “I AM”.

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    1. Thank you so much for this beautiful response. I so appreciate your continued prayers. Oh my gosh, what a powerful prayer experience. Isn’t that so true though? God carries us even before we ask for it 🙂 God is such a loving Father. It’s easy to forget that when times get tough. Thanks again 🙂 big hugs to you xox

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  42. This. Just beautiful. No matter what situation you are in, love is a choice. It is a verb. An action. Feelings are fleeting, but love, when put into action daily, is firm.

    I love, love, love your posts. Every single one has left me in awe of your wisdom and I take a piece away. Tonight, you’ve wrenched my heart open. I have put off writing the NICU part of our story (and writing my heart on other issues), not because it was a bad experience, but because I am still working through the emotions of it all. It was a whirlwind experience and, at the same time, a long, slow 63-64 days.

    Thank you for reminding me to feel those emotions and that it is OK for love to hurt.

    Praying for you, sweet one. And your family, too. Sending hugs.

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    1. Thank you so much, Shoni, for your prayers and this beautifully kind note. Yes – love is an action. That’s an important thing to remember. and what a kind thing to say about my blog. I’m so glad you’re enjoying it. 🙂 Wow, that sounds like an incredibly challenging and emotionally stretching experience to say the least. I can only imagine the emotions you went through. Yes, it is okay to feel those things. I hope you do write the rest of your story. I, for one, would love to read it 🙂 Thanks again for the prayers xox

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  44. BBB, thank you for continuing to share your heart through this difficult time. I am reading “The Broken Way” by Ann Voskamp and she beautifully puts into words loving through our brokenness is the broken way to Jesus. He can only give us strength in our brokenness. Praying for your sweet family.

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    1. Thank you so much, BBB 🙂 The Broken Way…I feel like I’ve heard about that book before. Wow it sounds like a great book. The broken way to Jesus…how powerful. Thanks again for the prayers. Big hugs xox

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  45. Another good one. Having raised five kids, experienced 12 grandchildren with number 13 on the way and watching my 91 year old mother and father grow into different people I have to agree with you wise insight. You continue to set the example for all of us. It is good to know that Jesus experience that pain so he can help us. Thanks again. John

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    1. Thanks John. Gosh, I am humbled by such kind words. You’re right, nothing that we go though is foreign to Jesus. He’s endured it all and more, and never leaves our side throughout it all. Wow, 12 (almost 13) grandkids…what a blessing! Thanks for this encouragement, friend. Grateful for you. Hugs xo

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  46. I love your outlook on life and how you turn to God for everything. ❤ I’m praying for your mom’s recovery and for your strength to love and care for your parents during this time!

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  47. I feel for you so much. You go in thinking I love them. I believe in Christ. I have the Holy Spirit. I’m ready to help. And they try your patience in ways you never expected, in ways they never would have done when they were at full mental capacity. And even though you know better, you lose patience sometimes – Sometimes in front of them, sometimes in private moments. Either way you wonder if you’re really up to it.
    Seeing the crucifix – maybe I should have put that in sight more often – what a powerful moment. That’s the perfect reminder of why I am a Christian. It’s easy to talk about love, but when I really need to dig deep and love in real life when it’s painful and messy, no one can get me there except Jesus. He set the example no one else could of loving when it looks impossible, when it’s excruciating, when it is the most unnatural response to what’s happening to you. It feels overwhelming. It feels like I can’t do it. But compared to what He went through for me, for all of us, it’s nothing. I can do it. I can love, even now.
    Thank you.

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    1. Wow, David. This is such a beautiful response. Thank you. And gosh, did you hit the nail on the head with that. Yes. Yessss Jesus. HE is the one getting my family through this. I don’t know what we’d do without His strength and grace in all of this. Or ever for that matter. He is the One who gets us there. Thank you for this incredible encouragement. You are good, my friend 🙂 big hugs xox

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  48. This is absolutely beautiful!! Although I’ve never experienced a stroke, as a survivor of a traumatic brain injury, I can relate to this because I have seen this in my mom and family so many times. I thank God everyday for them, for never giving up on me, for always showing compassion towards me despite my terrible mood swings, and being that constant cheerleader. And that is exactly what you are providing for your parents right now. Stay strong, praying for you and your family

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    1. Oh wow, Elizabeth. Thank you so much for this beautiful encouragement and for sharing part of your story. I’m so sorry to hear that that happened to you. What a challenge to have to endure. I’m so glad that you made it through. Praise God. Yes. it sounds like you had a pretty incredible support team. Thats so awesome. Thanks for the positivity and prayers. Big hugs xox

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  49. Such an honest & vulnerable read. Well done for being authentic. It’s difficult when we feel we’ve reached the end of us ourselves & are left wishing we were more. I’ve felt the same & recently while at the gym lifting & my trainer came over & added two extra plates. I wanted to cry because I already hurt & was sure that I couldn’t take anymore. As I struggled to lift the heavier weight, my trainer put his hands beneath mind ready to catch them if I failed. At that moment I felt the Holy Spirit whisper, “I’m your spotter, I’m here to catch you, I will hold you up with my victorious right hand.” Isaiah 41:10. Stay strong girl –God’s got you! xx

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    1. Thank you so much Sharon. Oh wow, what a cool nudging by the Holy Spirit! And while you were pumping iron, no less! haha Talk about a *strong* choice of timing! 😉 😉 😉 Oh gosh, gotta love a cheesy joke! hah but it’s so true – He is our spotter and will strengthen us in our weakness. Thanks for stopping by! hugs xo

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  50. Let the Lord fill your vessel with His anointing power and strength, as you pour out yourself to meet the needs of your family. None of us has within us unlimited resources; without the renewal of our spirit by way of His Holy Spirit, we’ll run dry and burn out. Perhaps, at least in part, what He wants you to gain from this experience is to ever more lean on Him in faith and trust, and for renewal of your spirit.

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    1. Thank you so much. Amen to that – may He fill my cup. You’re right, we need that in order to love and give.And that’s so true- this is an opportunity for renewal of my spirit and a strengthening and growth of trust. Thanks for stopping by! big hugs xox

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