Our generation is going to go down as the generation that killed romance.
Among other things.
But the death of chivalry and courtship will be our legacy.
And I blame one thing: Dating Apps.
Ugh.
Bumble. Tinder. The League. Hinge. Coffee Meets Bagel. OKCupid.
Online dating is a close to 2 billion dollar industry. As they say, there’s a sucker born every minute. And I’m ashamed to admit: I am one of those suckers.
Now, admittedly, I’ve never actually gone on a date from one of those apps. But I do have profiles on at least three of those aforementioned sites. But granted…it’s out of millennial obligation.
Since the emergence of the dating apps, I have come to notice something very depressing:
Men don’t know how to approach women anymore.
And sure, I guess I should be fair and not exclude women from that. But in my traditional mind, I’ve always been one to allow the man to approach first.
But seriously, since dating apps have become so insanely popular…men just don’t saddle up and strike up a conversation anymore.
Listen, we’re friends. I can be honest with you. I’m not a grotesque looking individual. I mean, I have all my teeth. I wear clothes that match. And if you catch me on a good day, my hair will even be washed and styled.
What I’m trying to say is that, I typically don’t repulse men. At least until they talk to me.
But it just baffles me the decline in social skills, and frankly – courtship knowhow – which has taken a nosedive since we’ve all started relationships with our iPhones.
Clearly, I’m frustrated.
I was at church last weekend. I walked 30 minutes there and 30 minutes back to go to the parish where there are the most straight, single men. I was wearing a super cute outfit. Hair done. Fresh application of make up. And my highlighter on fleek. Sat on the aisle. I was ready. And sure enough, there were several cute fellas in attendance that night. No wedding rings. No girlfriends. Just 4 tall drinks of water. 🙂
So afterwards, I just kind of hung around in the lobby for a little bit. I was flipping through the bulletin close to the door — practically begging to be talked to.
And no man took the bait.
Not one.
I was so annoyed.
So I decided to do an experiment. I was going to actually do the dating apps.
Here were the rules: Thursday night: reach out for one hour on my sites, and “swipe right” on the men I found interesting. No one younger than 23 or older than 30. Must live in NYC. And then I had to actually try and engage for the entire weekend. That means: always reply, promptly. And I had to keep the conversation going.
And let me just tell you. It was exhausting.
Come Sunday night, I was trying to keep 23 different conversations going with different men, most of whom, I couldn’t even remember which name matched which thumbnail, or who I thought was genuinely interesting, or who was as dull as a doorknob.
And that Sunday night, I again, in my “single-and-ready-to-mingle” church outfit, I walked the distance to go to the “cute guy” parish…only this time, I arrived two minutes late because I had a couple last minute Bumble replies I had to deal with.
So no aisle seat this time.
After church, instead of flipping through the bulletin by the door to try and catch the eye of the handsome guy who did the readings, I was instead greeted by 8 new message notifications that I had to reply to.
And it was at this point, that it hit me.
This is the problem.
First, I’ll let you be the first to tell me that my priorities were wrong at church. Which, yes, I get it. But to be fair, I know that God really wants me to find a good man to be my husband, and honestly – Jesus is the best wingman. So, I’m okay with using Church as a meeting ground for love.
But aside from that, what I had experienced during that weekend experiment of “doing the apps” is precisely why romance is officially six feet under, and we’ve got a bunch of man-childs walking around and expecting to hook up on the first date!
We have made it entirely too easy, AND overwhelmed them with a pool of ready and willing options.
He’s no longer ordering the lobster or filet mignon off of the 5-Star menu, he’s sampling a little bit of everything off the Carnival cruise buffet.
And what does that leave you, friends?
Fat. Stuffed. And prediabetic.
After trying to keep 23 conversations going for three days, I realized very quickly that, a) the conversations didn’t actually amount to anything. They were all surface. They were all forgettable. And frankly, I’m not going to learn anything about you, really, from a witty three line bio that your best friend in marketing wrote for you, and a conversation about where you grew up, or what bars you like in the city.
But the real kicker is that, by having 23 “potential interests” literally in my pocket, not only did it completely take me out of the present moment, but it kind of made the actual men in my physical vicinity become rather irrelevant.
If I were one to actually buy into the whole dating app thing, it would be like flirting and courtship wouldn’t even matter, because I could literally meet someone from my couch in sweatpants while watching Netflix with Cheetos crumbs on my fingertips.
Not that I’ve eaten a Cheeto since 2001.
But you know what I mean.
I’m going to go right out and say it.
Dating apps have allowed men (and yes, women) to be the absolute worst social version of themselves.
Apps give us permission – if not encourage us – to: Flake. Be superficial and judge solely on looks. Be chauvinistic or lewd in how we converse to one another. Date a bunch of people at once – if not on the same night! Ghost. Be promiscuous. And for men: to expect a woman to “go Dutch” on a first date and get her own transportation to/from.
Which, for the record: I will always offer to pay for my part of the drinks/date, BUT I am a firm believer that a man should pay for the first date if he initiated it. So sue me.
I am just…ready to pull my hair out.
I have since deleted all the apps on my phone.
And you might be saying, “But what about those 23 guys that YOU are guilty of just ghosting?”
Frankly, I’m not losing sleep over exiting a conversation where the deepest it got was about my childhood dog’s name. — Which is precisely the problem, in a nutshell.
The take away:
This was a classic example of “the grass is always greener.” The fact is: there were 4 “tall drinks of water” there – in the flesh – at church…an establishment where even my mother told me I should find my husband. But I was too wrapped up in my phone to notice.
So patience, Caralyn, is a virtue. And I need to trust in God’s timing, and not try to control everything through a dumb dating app that is literally rotting the romantic parts of our brain, and conditioning us to a cheap version of a love story. Kinda sounds like what porn has done to our young men’s minds. But that’s a story for a different day.
If you need me, I’ll be flipping through the bulletin in a sundress at church, desperately waiting for a cute boy to look up from his phone and talk to me.
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370 responses to “The Generation that Killed Romance”
Couldn’t agree more with this post!! I haven’t done the dating apps for that reason. Alas, I will admit, I’ve done the online routes though. It’s rather exhausting, isn’t it? Ugh! Great writing and reflection. Loved your comment about Jesus being the best wingman! 🌸😊 ~Kelsey
Thanks so much Kelsey! Ugh SO exhausting. Good luck with your romantic pursuits 🙂 yes! He IS the best! And matchmaker too 🙂 hehe Hugs and love xox
Yep, God’s timing. He may seem late, but He’s always on time.
Thanks friend, i appreciate the encouragement. That’s so true – ALWAYS on time. Have a great night! Hugs and love xox
I love this! (not that it’s hard for you to find someone, but your insight and commentary.). I have always thought that if you are running with Jesus, look who is beside you and THAT is who you will find the Jesus in your to be one of your beautiful traits 🙂
Aw thank you so much!! That is such a beautiful thought. And so true! He is always beside us 🙂 Hugs and love xox
You might be too ready, that can show. You may have to go back to the Midwest to find the values you seek. Hang in there you are a babe by anyone’s standard.
Oh gosh you’re kind to say that. Thank you. That’s a great point. Noted!! Hugs and love xox
Wow, 23 conversations, I have had 3 of them. But, I am not any of the top quality sites – but regardless, I had thought I’d have more conversations that 3. In all three of them, they ended because I was hoping I would not have to carry the conversation like I was – but no effort at the beginning – one of those red flags I now listen too. However, my profile may be too rough for most. In my age bracket, it seems as though the woman truly are not looking for a relationship, they are looking for a replacement. Don’t take me from my comfort zone, what I am use to and I’ll like you – maybe.
I have decided this is how I am reacting to the dating world. I am unique, I am not looking for anyone, I am looking for someone specific – they are not it. I want someone to share my love of Jesus Christ with, be involved in that relationship with me and through that, we both grow and allow Jesus t guide us. Since I am on God’s timing, it’s just not the time yet God has scheduled.
In the defense of the men, you are unique, you are not the average woman, you cannot find the unique man for you in the average pool.
God Bless, praying for you!
Leland
That is such a great way of approaching it, Leland: someone specific with Jesus to guide you both. Amen to that. Thanks for the encouragement. Hugs and love xox
After reading this I am glad I am too old for dating and dating apps. lol
By the way, hope you don’t mind. I plugged your blog when I wrote about the specific carb diet
Haha yeah you should thank your lucky stars! Haha oh gosh thank you so much! I really appreciate that! Hugs and love xox
You’re welcome. My Celiacs blog is tiny compared to yours so not much help but I believe in giving credit when it is due 🙂
Keep doing you! Rock on!!
Caralyn! Always on point!!! Dating apps… I do them for a while then I get bored of think nothing of substance is happening (or get scared about the future if something does actually workout) and I delete the app.
I was dying over “man-child’s” and “prediabetic”! 😂😂
Listen to episode #27 of Help! I suck at dating podcast with Dean Unglert (from the bachelorette, which I know you love)! He and Jared Haibon discuss guys and first date paying…. interesting 🙂
Love your posts as always!
❤️ Heather
Aw Heather you’re so sweet. Thank you so much! Glad this responses and have you a chuckle 🙂 hehe and OH GURL – I never miss an EPISODE of DeanieBabies’ podcast! 😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍 hahaha but seriously though it was a great one 🙂 thanks for stopping by! Hugs and love xox
I’m sorry, but I laughed a little because it’s all true.
Haha thanks Sean! Glad it gave you a laugh! Hugs and love xox
You’re welcome…thanks for sharing, Caralyn! Hugs and love xox
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okay, disclaimer. never done dating apps. I have been happily married for going on 40 years.
Does your church not do coffee and donuts after church? Look for a church that does. That may be difficult with a large (catholic, maybe) church. The church that we go to is a lot smaller than most Catholic churches. The small size allows everyone to get to know one another.
I met my wife going to a folk dance at MIT with my roommate and his girlfriend, together with girlfriend’s roommate. We did this a few more times and started to date without the roommates. The rest is history.
Good luck with the search.
Wow 40 years, that’s amazing Joe! Congratulations! So I go to evening mass actually, so no coffee afterwards. But that’s a great idea. And awww folk dancing! That’s such a sweet love story! Thanks for sharing! Hugs and love xox
I cannot begin to express how glad I am to be 1) in my late 50s and 2) happily married for 28 years. If I were to find myself single again I would freak out at the thought of dating again. Praying for you!
Hahaha thank you so much JP ! 28 years, that’s so beautiful. Thanks for the prayer – I definitely need them! Keeping you in mine as well 🙂 Hugs and love xox
Really great read and I couldn’t agree any less, technology poses to help and make life easier, but in reality kills the very virtues that makes for true connection and the foundation for a lasting relationship; communication. We need to get off our phones, look around us, brave up and walk up to the girl or pay attention to the guy (and not snub him), and have a good conversation.
Let’s be the generation that revives romance.
Thank you for writing this.
Thank you so much Tolulope! You’re absolutely right about that!! I’m with ya! Hugs and love xox
Mine is a generation before technology, cell phones, social media, death of manners and common courtesies … so I can say this. Your generation is rotted to the core due in huge part to the misuse and abuse of technology. By and large y’all haven’t a clue on how to connect or relate … or COMMUNICATE … with one another. Yours in a generation of ME ME ME and hiding behind screens and oh boy have the social “skills” suffered for it! On a personal note, I’m very grateful to have been born long before the Great Decline and Demise of Basic Human Interactions. I’d be so deeply embarrassed and ashamed of my generation were I your age, in your shoes.
That is so so true. How is it that we’re all communications majors in college and yet can’t do that very thing?! Haha thanks for stopping by Hugs and love xox
Very true. Sadly, many churches are encouraging this behavior. Then some see relationships as a hindrance. Then
you have some that have very high standards that they refuse to compromise on. Like the photo by the way.
Thanks so much JB. That’s very true – gotta keep those standards up 🙂 thanks 🙂 Hugs and love xox
You are very graciously welcome. By the way, you are a gorgeous lady. Men with common sense should be looking at you.
shucks, you’re too kind. thank you again x
You are very graciously welcome again. You a such a great lady to be kind to.
xox 🙂
This was such an interesting post Caralyn. I unfortunately, or maybe fortunately, haven’t had any experience with those dating apps since I was born in a time when you actually had to use interpersonal skills to ask someone on a date. It’s going to be interesting how my kids will experience dating but I will strongly urge them to try it the “old fashioned” way.
Thanks Mark, yeah count yourself lucky!! I’m totally down for the old fashioned way! Haha Hugs and love xox
I think impatience is our own worst enemy, since coming out of a relationship (even a seriously bad one) I’m missing the closeness and affection 😭. Sure we have friends and church family but only our relationship with Christ tops the feel of love within a relationship ❤️
I think you’re so right about that. Patience, after all, is a virtue. One that I do not possess! Haha amen to that! God is good! Thanks for stopping by Benny! Hugs and love xox
I feel time isn’t on my side for finding a relationships, friends younger than me are marrying and having children, I’m about to reach a certain age milestone later this year, courting is very difficult at the best of times but having to deal with depressive episodes and anxiety make it worse with lack of self care and feeling unworthy.
God’s timing , though not always convenient, is always the best. He has someone He’s preparing right no just for you. Hang in there 🙂 sending so much love xox
Caralyn, this is a fabulous post. You see through the nonsense and keep it real! God bless. ❤️
Oh gosh thank you so much John!! I appreciate the support 🙂 big hugs xox
Your so welcome! You are wise… 😎
✨💛✨haha hardly!!
You pick a church based on the availability of single men??? Are you serious? What’s happened to that lovely young soul I used to know?
Hey Walt! Nahhh that’s not the ONLY reason! It’s just a terrific bonus 🙂 no worries my friend, she’s still right here!! Thanks for stopping by! Hugs and love xox
I know. But I had to tease you! 💜☺💜
Hahaha I gotcha 🙂 hehehe I will say though that my patience is running thin in the love department!
Let your first question to a man be, What is your relationship with God? Saves a lot of time!
Yes! Oh my gosh I am so right there with ya!! Most important question, hands down! Hugs and love xox
Caralyn, I am thankful for you speaking the truth. There’s a male blogger who wrote a similar post complaining about the travesty of dating apps as well. Perhaps I should connect you two? :-). I know my daughters that have tried the dating app game have said the same. We live in a culture that has lost touch with relationships, communication (period) let alone communication and courtship! When we walk around staring at our phones, something is wrong. Keep writing and speaking and you know, you may not meet Mr Right at church, but when you do, I would bet that you and he will know it even if you aren’t dressed to the nines in your sundress. Face it, you shine with beauty even if you were wearing your sweats without a touch of makeup. It’s inside you and no one would deny that. You got all of us rooting for you, so, he will find you! Blessings!
Thank you so much! Haha, nice! Why not?! 🙂 you’re so right – we’ve completely lost touch with those things. Thanks for this wonderful encouragement. Also – my mom and i are considering doing el camino! 🙂 Big hugs xox
Are you really?! That’s great. It changed my life Carolyn. What an amazing thing for her to try after her health scare! Remarkable. Have you seen “I’ll push you”? A Camino story of two dear friends where the one pushed the other in the Camino. Powerful film. ❤️❤️❤️
Yes! Oh that’s so amazing to hear. Yeah she’s a trooper for sure 🙂 no I haven’t but I’ll add it to my list! Hugs and love xox
I definitely had a chuckle at this! I just have to say this – although I agree that we are in a very different generation that relies heavily on social media and the internet to literally do anything these days, but it’s not all our fault right?! We pay our bills online, we order groceries online and have them delivered to us now, we shop online, some people run businesses online… some of it just boomed while we were growing up that we kind of just.. grew with the change in times. However – that does not give people the excuse to be jerks! I have known for the last couple years to be careful about the online things, I actually refuse to order my groceries online because I feel like going grocery shopping allows me some interaction on the weekends!!
With all of that being said – I actually met my now (still fairly recent) fiancé on Match. I chose to online date because all of the men I seemed to meet I had a hard time connecting with in person. Whether it was them being weird or most likely me LOL, but it was hard. I went on quite a few dates before I met my fiancé, all okay I guess, BUT – my fiancé when I got to the location, stood up, got my chair for me, offered to pay, walked me out to the car, thanked me for a great time, and then asked me for my cellphone number because he would love to take me out again. As much as I thought chivalry was dead, he reminded me that it isn’t fully dead yet and it really is up to us in this generation to keep it going. Raise strong women to know their worth, and raise men to be chivalrous and respectful.
If you are patient, and believe that there is someone out there for you (because there IS 🙂 ), he will find you just like mine did <3
Love your blog so so much! I follow maybe 5 people and you are one! Thanks for sharing!
Thank you so much for your kind words! And thank you for sharing your story! Congratulations on your engagement!! That is so exciting 🙂 I think match.com is definitely in a category of its own. It doesn’t have the same reputation as say, Tinder. It is way more serious for people looking for true love. I’m so glad that it worked out for you and your fiancé! What a beautiful love story. 🙂 Thank you for the wonderful encouragement. I am honored you follow!! Big hugs to you xox
I’m a bit skeptical if men, at least some if not many, ever knew how to approach women, as evidenced by the #MeToo movement.
My own few romantic whirls were often initiated by a woman dropping a proverbial handkerchief my way, if that’s any help. That isn’t technically approaching the man first, it is simply giving some handsome young man an opportunity to be gallant and come to your rescue.
That’s a really really great point. Oh yes! Dropping the handkerchief! I recently heard that saying and it is my new favorite thing. So true! Thanks for stopping by! Hugs and love xox
Good article, and unfortunately, very true! I think that we have moved from a “slow cooking” society where friendship morphs itself into dating and then into a long lasting marriage, to a “microwave” society that expects to have everything in a very short amount of time by showing only the surface, and not taking the time to know the underlying treats of a person. That creates an urgency to “look our best”, to impress, instead of connecting to a deeper level. And the place makes no difference, because a person who shows occasionally to church for the sake of dating can be easily spotted, and therefore labeled as a non-spiritual worthy person. A relationship based on faith cannot succeed on a “bump-into” mode (although is not impossible). It’s usually in a “friends first” mode that evolves with time. Just like in other aspects of life, there are no shortcuts in love.
Thank you so much Alejandro. So many great points to ponder here. I miss that slow cooker! Hugs and love xox
The story of my life. Thank you for sharing this adventure.
Thanks so much Victoria! Hugs and love xox
There are a number of issues in connection with the current generation which make it harder to link up for life the way I see it. We are now taught from primary school upward we evolved from bacteria in a primeval slime pit. There is no God involved and certainly if there is he is disinterested in us and we do not have His image. Then there is no hereafter, this existence is all we have. So increasingly it’s all about the survival of the fittest and what I want is what I get and I want it now. So something permanent like a relationship for life is increasingly unacceptable in that context. We contact to get and not to give. Does it sound like your dating aps? My advice is hang around your church because these people are more likely to have a belief system which involves assurance of a Higher Power who is interested enough in us to eventually pluck us out of this mess we call our world, and that leads to a belief in ourselves and the potential goodness in others. In this environment the men in your church are probably just as bewildered as you are and don’t know how to find someone who would love them and who they could trust to stay with them for the rest of their life. There is nothing cheap about you greeting any of these men with a cheery smile and a little conversation. It was such a welcome to church I received from the one who has been my wife for 54 years now that started a spark which eventually bought us together. Pray about it and wait for the Lord to surprise you. I will also pray you find someone as nice as you and someone with a set of moral values that matches yours.
lots of great food for thought here, Ian. Thank you so much for sharing. So true – my mom always told me that with a marriage, you should go into thinking what can I *give* – not what I can *get* out of other. That will simply just lead to failure i’m afraid. and wow – 54 years – that is so beautiful! congratulations!!! what an inspiration! Hugs and love xox
This is a very important conversation, and I’m so glad you started it. Young men need to learn to be men and to step up to the plate. Being a man not only means having the courage to approach a woman and ask her out, but it means knowing how to treat her with respect and to be the man she needs (solid, supportive, protective, a provider). And, just as importantly, a woman needs to let her man know she is appreciative of his masculine nature, while still demanding he control his masculine impulses with gentlemanly behaviors.
To be fair, it has never been easy to meet potential mates. But I truly think the electronic age and, in particular, dating apps, have made the situation worse, not better. What used to be the bedrock of our civilization is becoming a thin veneer. Hopefully, things will change soon. Don’t give up! And more importantly, keep your standards high.
Thank you so much! I appreciate you joining the conversation! that’s so true – respect, both ways, is so so important. amen to that! I really appreciate the encouragement. Hugs and love xox
Hugs!
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Oh my goodness. Thanks for the inside info. I too am getting a little impatient and have even thought about doing online dating apps. But wow…yikes!!!
Thanks so much Brendan! yeah – yikes indeed! so glad you stopped by and good luck out there! xox
Thank you for helping me not feel like an old geezer! “What’s with these kids nowadays?!?” I guess the Dating Prof hit a bit close to home, eh? I feel your pain, Caralyn. When I was looking for the future Mrs. King I was having a hard time of it. Past 25 and no prospects and no places to meet any. I finally found her when I went back home to Toledo, and started going to the singles group at the church we both grew up in.
So hoping to meet someone at church is not a creepy, improper goal in going to church. Shouldn’t be the ONLY goal, of course! Where else are you going to meet a Christian person? A bar? Pretty long odds on the latter!
Juggling 23 guys on apps? Sheesh! I don’t think I was ever talking to more than 2-3 girls at once. That in itself is a symptom of something gone wrong! How much decent attention can you pay to any one of them?
I remember telling you how I tried to pick one or two married women when I was young, only because they didn’t have their rings on at the moment. Attractive, nice conversation, give it a go. 30 years ago I would’ve taken a chance on you. Point being, it isn’t you that’s the problem. No one knows how to be people anymore and interact live and in person. I was just shocked at how bad it’s gotten when I read the Dating Prof article.
I’ve told you before; step up your game. Make a first move. I know that isn’t your style, but it’s a different world. Walk up to one of those guys at church and ask if he’d mind sitting with you; you’re tired of sitting alone. See what happens. Can’t hurt!
Hey Jeff! thank you so much for this awesome response. See! Church really IS the best place! 🙂 Such a great beginning to a love story 🙂 I know – the ONLY reason i was conversing with those guys was because of the commitment to the experiment i was doing. i know i was going to get a post out of it, so i had to follow the rules. but hot dang, it was way. too. much. That’s great advice. Perhaps this Sunday I’ll strike up a convo. 🙂 thanks for your awesome encouragement, as always! Hugs and love to you and Julie! xox
Yeah, it’s depressing, isn’t it? There are a lot of scammers on dating sites, too. They’re morons who profess immediate love for you and then ask for money. There have been a few times in my life where I’ve been bored enough to keep stringing them along for hours, without revealing that I’m on to their charade. (I give them fake information about myself, and never any money, of course.) Also, a lot of dating web sites have fake profiles, set up to get you to pay for membership. I’m in the same boat as you, and I’d love to find a man with good values. I hope it happens for us!
Hey Meg! It really is! yeah, that’s true – lots of scams. And in doing research for this article i read that 2/3 of people lie on their dating profile about SOMETHIGN – be it height, job title, income, etc. Thanks for sharing your heart! good luck out there! Hugs and love xox
Lol Are you sure those guys weren’t blind! That’s sad! But you should give up dating apps. I doubt you’ll find God’s will for your life there. I think you should visit different churches… I would check out non-denominational community churches if I were in your shoes. My friends met through e-harmony, and they have been married 12 years, have six children, and they are great people who love God. I pray the Lord will answer your prayers too. I can tell you are looking, but don’t rush: wait for God to answer. The ideal person will ultimately help you in your walk with God, not be a hindrance to it. Keep Him first, and He’ll grant you the desires of your heart.
hahaha oh my gosh Marcelo, you’re funny. thank you – you’re too kind!! And i really appreciate your prayers. That’s great advice – wait for His answer! amen to that. Hugs and love xox
My oldest daughter tried the ok cupid route for a while. She met some of them at coffee shops and made a few friends, but there were none that rang the bell. She said there were a lot of and I quote, “creepers” that emailed/texted her. She has pretty much decided the same…she is done with the dating thing until someone of interest just happens along. The thing is that when it is the right time, then it is the right time, and Mr. Right will not be Mr. Wrong if the time is right. Sometimes, it takes some maturing to know what you are looking for in a person, and for them to become the person you want them to be, and you to become the person that they want you to be. God’s time is best. When the right person comes along, you will be in the right place in your life and the right frame of mind to recognize them, and so will they…it will all just easily mesh together. If it is too hard and too much drama…most people don’t want to live their lives with that…a life of peace in your home is a wonderful thing. I pray that God will bring someone for you and also for my daughter who can be life long companions to you.
Hi Charlene, thank you so much for sharing that. Yeah, creepers for sure. Thank you so much for this encouragement – God’s time really is the best. I appreciate your prayers so much. I will keep your daughter in my prayers as well! Hugs and love xox
In my opinion texting has killed conversation skills
you are SO RIGHT about that!! thanks for stopping by! Hugs and love xox
I like what you wrote, and I remember the desire to meet someone at church. However, I think in order for that to work, its helpful to get involved with something. I don’t know if it happens in Catholic churches, but joining a small group, or volunteering for an activity, can allow you to meet people in a less formal, less pressured environment. It’s just like in a the job arena. You have to create a network! It’s who you know. You’ll see.
Thank you so much Melissa! That is really great advice! i’ll look into so volunteer work in the city – that’s a really wonderful plan! so so true! big hugs xo
As a 45 year old survivor of 3 marriages: they never have known how to approach women. As mothers, it is our responsibility to TEACH THEM. But most women are just as clueless.
So find your The One candidate. Pray over if he’s a good risk. If you get a yes – teach him. By being his friend. By learning how men need to be approached to feel understood. Leave actual tools for him to learn how you need to be approached to feel understood.
Jesus is about treating others the way you’d want to be treated. I’m guessing that doesn’t mean giving your guy what you’d want literally as an object, though that would be easy. But to make sure your actions help him feel worthy, empowered, strong-in short,valuable & real. And that is your guys job toward you, too.
I’m grateful I have such a person in my life now. If The one you chose doesn’t make you a better person in ways Jesus would recognize – then they’re not ‘the one.’
Thank you so much for sharing your story, MT. You’re so right – we must teach them! And you’re right on – we must pray for our significant other. Amen amen amen! So happy you found your person! Hugs and love xox
Before dating apps were invented, dating was horrible. Now it sounds like it’s still horrible. From the single man’s side of the hill, in the 1960s and 70s, dating mostly consisted of ramping up one’s courage to speak to an attractive woman and 99% of the time getting shot down. The other 1% of the time, you took her out and dropped money that you didn’t really have, and then she shot you down a little later.
I’ve been married, thank God, for 40+ years and if I thought I’d ever have to get back into dating, I would plotz. Did I mention the joys of getting stood up? And then there was the dating service, where you filled out a questionnaire to get a compatible match and they got you together with a chick from Pluto.
I have never used any kind of app in my life, not even sure what one is, and feel very sure I can continue indefinitely without apps. But I can testify that marriage is better than dating.
Patty and I met at work and got to know each other before I asked her out. So we had an advantage–we already liked each other.
Yes, being a single guy was infinitely frustrating. When I think of all the Yankee games I missed because I was out with some not-very-nice dingbat, I sigh a deep sigh.
But God had something in mind for me a great deal better than anything I ever asked Him for.
Thank you so much for this great response. 40 + years! That’s so awesome! Thank you for sharing your story with Patty. So inspiring. Thanks for then encouragement. Hugs and love xox
Facts!!! Digital addiction will be our downfall.
Great post blessings!!!
Yes it really will! Thanks so much! Hugs and love xox
You are not alone in your experiences. Not only have I deleted the apps, I stopped thinking continuously about finding my soulmate. My thoughts, if what you are doing isn’t working, do something else. You are on the right track. Hope your church tall glasses of water eventually quench your thirst. 😉
Thank you so much Maura 🙂 haha I hope so too! I appreciate the great advice! Hugs and love xox
My prayer for you is that Jesus will prompt you to initiate a conversation with a church guy. These dudes may be just as shy as you and therefore go home thinking she’s too pretty to talk to me. So may Jesus whisper in your ear this is the dude I want you to talk too.
As for me I shall enjoy my husband of 27 years and five more of dating and thank God I do not have to date in this horrible hook up generation. I’d be lonely and dried up because no guy no matter how hot is getting sex out of me after a Dutch date! Peace,
Rachel
Thank you so much Rachel for your prayers and kind words. 27 years! That’s so awesome!! Congratulations. Very inspiring. Hahaha Hugs and love xox
I’m a guy and I agree with this. Praise God for this wonderful post. After all, men should be the ones pursuing women and not the other way around. Although I’m familiar, I have never actually tried any existing dating apps. In my opinion, it is the culture that is the real problem. The culture of men nowadays not stepping up, taking the lead, pursuing a girl, and risking rejection. The culture of drifting in life and having no commitment.
I view dating apps as sort of “upgrading” an already negative culture. As a Christian, this area in our life is a real battlefield indeed, for both men and women. These knight-in-‘battered’-armor should polish their once shining armor, saddle up and take charge! (Okay, I’m starting to get imaginative here haha!)
I would like to thank you for posting this, it gave me a renewed vigor on posting an entry about love and relationships because there are a lot to say about it. To end, I would like to share a quote from the book “I Kissed Dating Goodbye” by Joshua Harris:
“Look for, and work on becoming, a man or woman who, as a single, seeks God wholeheartedly, putting Him before anything else. Don’t worry about impressing the opposite sex. Instead, strive to please and glorify God. Along the way you’ll catch the attention of people with the same priorities.”
Grace be with you, God bless.
-Mark, Bookmarks & Highlights
Thank you so much Mark, for sharing your thoughts and perspective. You’re right – there needs to be a shift in the culture, not just the apps. Love he quote! Hugs and love xox
Great experiment!!!! I actually met my boyfriend on an online dating app, but didn’t consider it “dating”, until we met face-to-face. He and I are old-school and expect all the older traditions of dating. I admit, we text, we Skype, we talk on the phone, but we have committed to meeting as often as possible – we live over 575 miles apart!! It’s been a blessing to know eachother’s hearts and souls more so than our physical being. And I will admit, I fix my hair and make up for our Skype converstations (again, we do not consider it a “date”).
I agree, your conversations have to go deeper than “what’s the name of your childhood dog”…. lol!! If a gentleman is willing to ask the tough questions and wants to know your inner soul, that makes the difference!!
May God bless your heart’s desires and grant your biggest wish!!
Thank you so much Melinda! Oh my gosh what a beautiful love story! Thanks for sharing that – it gives me great hope!! So true – gotta get to soul levels 🙂 thank you for your kind words and prayers! Will keep you and your bf in mine as well!! Hugs and love xox
Every time I read your posts about dating, I wish I were 1) 25 again, single again, Catholic at age 25, and fully understood how the Catholic teaching on sexuality is intended foster healthy, happy families.
Don’t be too hard on your generation. The sex/dating/relationship dilemma has been percolating for well nigh 150 years, since rubber was first vulcanized (bringing the advent of the inexpensive condom). With the oral contraceptive came high reliability that the female could be responsible for and control.
There was nothing then, to stop sex from become nothing more than primal recreation for millions.
Hang on for the man who wants the full beauty of Catholic marriage.
Thank you so much David for this encouragement. You’re right – gotta hold strong for the right man God has in store! Hugs and love xox
Dating apps terrify me and this post just solidified that. You’d be surprised who could drop into your life when you least expect it though. Keep the faith alive!
Thanks Briana. Yeah they’re pretty frightening! Thanks for the encouragement! Hugs and love xox
Those dating commercials are kind of funny but its so fake. Maybe except for a select few dating sites is a huge waste of time.
Its not just the dating sites, its a lot of other reasons. Living in a family where my parents fought daily, i never wanted to be involved in a relationship. Even if i wanted to give it a chance, subconsciously i would make sure anything wouldn’t happen. Eventually it came to the point where i stopped caring.
Pretty sure that many guys have something similar, or they are simply too shy. In any case, dating sites are useless.
Thanks friend, for sharing your story. I’m sorry you have that memory of growing up. That’s a really great point. Thanks for stopping by! Hugs and love xox
My first date with my beloved wife (hope it is romantic enough for you.)::
In the beginning
Both Pat and I went to the University of Toronto’s Faculty of Library Science in 1968/69. On Fridays, some of us went pub crawling as soon as they opened at noon. We called it POETS Corner. Yes, you guessed it: it’s an acronym for Piss On Everything, Tomorrow’s Saturday. On Friday, November 15, 1968, Pat was a fellow student’s date at the Red Lion. I was attracted to her and sat beside her. When Steven Horne left her alone to talk to some of his buddies, I was there and since it was by now late afternoon, I asked her to supper. She said yes. She went home to Rochdale to change and I picked her up there. Rochdale had just opened and there were a lot of graduate students there, so you can’t assume that Pat was a hippy. (But we were kind of hippies – long hair and all.) We went to Hungarian Village on Bay Street.
We had the Transylvanian wood platter for two. That is, three salads, rice, fried potatoes, beef tenderloin, Hungarian sausage, bacon, grilled pork chop, Wienerschnitzel, cabbage rolls, and pickled beets, all accompanied by a full bottle of the Hungarian wine known as “Bull’s Blood”. Between us (though mostly Pat), we polished it all off. Then we had apple strudel and two each apricot brandies (remember, we started the date drinking beer all afternoon!). After Hungarian Village, we went to hear Brownie McGhee and Sonny Terry at the Riverboat in Yorkville where we also had pastries and coffees. The date was not over yet, though it was past midnight. We went to Plaka, a Greek nightclub on Queen Street where we listened to Basuki players from Athens and threw dishes. There, we had two Zombies and a sharing tray of Greek cheese. I was thinking, boy, can this small girl ever eat and drink. I’m a foodie and was truly impressed. Got her back to Rochdale early Saturday morning and, after getting to know each other Hippie style, I proposed to her. She said “no.” Didn’t get much sleep before having to head off to my Saturday job at the undergraduate library at U of T. After work, I dropped by her place to ask her to Church on Sunday morning.
Pat accepted, and came to the Church of the Redeemer with me on Sunday; this confirmed that Pat was the girl for me. I used to pray nightly that the first girl that attended Church with me would be the girl I married. It took two more askings but on February 9th (4 days after my birthday), she said she loved me and would marry me. On Valentine’s Day, we went together to buy her engagement ring. Her finger was so slim the jeweller had to cut down a size 4. We were married at St. Stephen’s-in-the-Fields on June 21, 1969.
Oh, I should explain why she was able to eat so much on that first date. The National Library paid Pat a small monthly salary to go to Library School on the first of each month. Pat had used it to buy herself a new coat and had been living on rice for 15 days. She never ate like that again. However, for 47 years, every November 15, we made it a point to go to a Slavic restaurant to celebrate our first date. This past anniversary (2016) was the day we got the shock. Pat, who had been dealing with a strange blood clot in her legs, had accidentally taken a double dose of her anti-clotting medication and so went to emergency. The nurses and doctors were good natured, saying she was worrying about nothing. However, she then asked them to check out the pain under her sternum she’d been having. The Nurse Practitioner felt it, and didn’t like what she felt and ordered a CAT scan. Instead of celebrating the 48th anniversary of our first date, we sat in Emergency waiting for the results. Then came the news that Pat had pancreatic cancer, stage four. Huge shock! November 15, forever for me is now going to be mixed with the joy of our first date and the sorrow of that diagnosis.
Thank you so much for sharing this with me. Gosh so many mixed emotions. I will be keeping pat in my prayers. I must say: you had quite the style there in ‘68. Those Apple strudels must have been pretty dang good 🙂 thanks again for this wonderfully encouraging note. Prayers going up! Hugs and love xox
First of all, you’re stunning. Secondly, you’re sooooo spot on, Darlin’, hittin’ the nail right on the head. As a relationship coach and sex educator, I have a front-row seat to all of the damage and fallout of modern millennial dating. But have hope! As hard as we moms hafta’ fight to empower our kids, it’s a well-fought battle. And, with God’s grace, moms such as myself, I humbly admit, wink wink, have managed to raise some pretty incredible kids like YOU. Never settle for less than God’s plan for you. Be blessed. xox
Oh my gosh Micki you’re so kind, thank you. Oh boy it sounds like you’ve got your hands full with your area of expertise! Amen! Thanks for the encouragement! Hugs and love xox
I learned a lot about dating and the opposite sex when I went back into the dating world a few years ago. It was scary. I did not find my wife until after I threw my hands up in surrender. When I stopped trying to help God out, God came through. I have no doubt He will reward you for keeping your standards high. He always keeps His promises.
Thanks Matthew for this powerful perspective. Surrender to God. Amen!! Thanks for the encouragement! Hugs and love xox
Simple problem. You are too good looking. As a man of many years beyond yours, with 42 years (and still counting) married, I can tell you that your good looks both attracts and intimidates many men. I don’t know how you can overcome your problem of being too pretty, after all you are a model!!! Many men who have egos big enough to ask you out are not the kind of men you are interested in dating. Many of those who are the kind of man you would be interested in are too intimidated by your looks. However, there are self-confident Christian men out there. So don’t give up.
Are there any Bible studies that you could engage in? There you might meet a good man or perhaps the grandmother of one, someone to help you hook up with a good prospect. One of my favorite young couples was connected by their respective parents who knew each other through Sunday School. You need to engage your Christian friends and family in your search for a mate.
My son and my brother in law both met their wives through on line match making services. Seemed to work for them, so I do not advise people not to do this. My son and his wive are committed Christians; but, they met via the internet in the Bible Belt, not NYNY.
May God guide you through this time of searching, may He lead you to the right man for you, that you may be fruitful and multiply. Amen.
Oh my gosh you are seriously way too kind. Thank you. I am humbled by your words. That’s a great idea about the Bible study! I will look into it! And congrats on 42 years! That is really something beautiful. And inspiring. Thanks for the prayers! Hugs and love xox
Hang in there kiddo. You’re on the right track. But it is not enough to “do” the Sunday church thing and expect a happenstance meeting develop into something more. My unsolicited advice is to do more – give yourself fully to a godly endeavor. Bible Study, Mission Trip, Volunteer possibilities. .. whatever moves your heart. The right guy (for you) will show up when you stop looking for him but rather keep looking to God as your sufficiency. It’s exactly how God brought me and my wife together. Defies explanation but our meeting also defied all odds. We know God brought us together. It’s what He does.
By the way, I love your blog. You’re a talented lady and there’s a guy out there who will appreciate everything that makes you you. Don’t ever forget that.
Thank you so much Michael, I really appreciate this great response. Such wonderful ideas! I’ll look into volunteering around the city. Amen. Hugs and love xox
I’ll agree that the modern “swipe right” culture has largely ruined the “norm” when it comes to dating. It’s abused the globalization of digital communication into a low commitment, large possibilities marketplace. I’ll also admit having used several different dating sites, and a couple different apps. I hate that in today’s society, if you don’t go to bars frequently or aren’t into the party scene, it can be painfully difficult to meet new people. And it’s even harder to meet people who are equally devoted to their faith and moral standards. And nobody is to blame any more or any less than another.
Practically, I see dating as a way to get to know someone, not to pursue a serious relationship. That’s what courtship should be. Granted, I also believe that you should never stop “dating” someone once you’ve committed to a serious relationship, or even gotten married. But one of the saddening effects of the modern definition for “relationships” means there’s less commitment and more ambiguity, and people can get what they want without having the maturity to deserve that level of intimacy.
So yes, dating apps are inherently part of the problem. A necessary evil perhaps, in this digital world, where communities don’t come together and bring people together like they used to. That doesn’t mean they can’t be used to find a good relationship. But it does mean you have to be very intentional and be willing to put yourself out there without any expectation of a positive response. That said, if you showed up at my church and stood in the lobby flipping through the bulletin, I’d approach you out of concern for your sanity, because we have a very small bulletin 🙂
Thank you so much for this thoughtful response, Luke. Lots of really great points here. I love that – never stop dating your SO. Amen! Hahah that’s funny about the bulletin!! Hugs and love xox
Hi,
I just wanted to say that you’re quite attractive! Your posts are intelligent, witty, and often funny, but reading this I couldn’t help but notice that it sounds like you’re dreaming of a romantic meetcute with someone who lives in your neighborhood. In doing so you’re putting all of your eggs in that one basket. Like… you’re going to church searching for someone who you’re incredibly attracted to from the moment you lock eyes with them, who approaches you immediately and automatically says the right things and asks you out on a date at just the right moment, and who otherwise checks all of your boxes. That in itself might be a bit of a fantasy?
Real relationships (the kind that last a lifetime) generally have a more gradual kindling. Think boy-next-door, or a close friend, or (if you are going to go with the internet age), someone you can chat with casually and build up a level of trust, friendship, and feelings for before going to a dating and relationship stage. And if you are inclined to keep pursuing the guys at the local parish, just keep going each weekend, and make yourself known to people by sitting near them, shaking their hand, saying hi, and offering them peace. Over time, they’ll notice and one day strike up a conversation. I mean, I would definitely notice if a beautiful woman started going to my church every week and started getting to know me; but I wouldn’t ask her out on a date on day one or even on month one. It would terrify me!
Good luck though. I’m sure God has a plan for your life, and with patience your heart will come to know and understand that plan. I really do enjoy reading your blog. 🙂
Cheers,
Rob
Aw, Rob you’re so kind to say that. thank you. You’re really right on about that. i need to keep my head out of the clouds and keep my eyes open to real life opportunities to meet. thanks for the encouragement! Hugs and love xox
Don’t read too much into my advice! I am still ridiculously single myself, so there’s a fair chance I know nothing when it comes to romantic love. Just offering words that conform to my own fantasies of what love should look like.
Now if I could only meet that special girl-next-door, or a woman who wants to actually talk and slowly build a friendship first and foremost… 😉
hahah gotcha 🙂 good luck my friend! she’s out there!! 🙂 xoxo
Interesting post. You are compassionate, smart, motivated and beautiful….those guys are missing out. I definitely think all the electronic devices and ear buds, have been factors in the lack of civil communication. It’s too easy to tune out of wherever you are by focusing on your phone or listening to music. I think God is just putting the finishing touches on your guy. Though you may have to trip him to get his attention.
Thank you so much Bryce! You’re so kind to say that. i am very touched. That’s so true – He’s preparing his heart! Hugs and love xox
Am I glad there were no dating apps when I was younger. I met my husband at church, he was visiting my church. I thought he was handsome and he liked my legs..mini skirts were in fashion..lol.
However be aware not all church guys have a personal relationship with Jesus, tread carefully. You are a daughter of the King and only one of his sons is the right for you.
Thank you so much Helena, I really appreciate you sharing your story! hahah mini skirts 🙂 that made me smile. Great point! Hugs and love xox
Agreed 100% – excellent thoughts! I met my late-wife at church and I am forever glad that I walked up to her and spoke. Meaningful conversation is rare these days. People actually have to schedule time to talk with their friends and family. And even when they are in the presence of those they love, there are more than enough distractions all around us. I am guilty of this, too. If God brings someone into my life again, I hope to be even more intentional. Many thanks for what you have shared!
Hi James, thank you so much for sharing your story. That’s so true, there are a lot of distractions out there. Amen – God is the best matchmaker. Sending big hugs xox
You’ll find the right guy for you one day. I believe it. I think that’s why I’ve never really been too fond of dating apps because they make dating so impersonal.
Thank you so much Raney, you’re right – they make it impersonal. so glad you stopped by! Hugs and love xox
Wow! Really interesting insights! I was just thinking about how – I dunno – WEIRD romances have gotten in movies and TV. It’s like the writers and even the audience doesn’t want to commit love stories that are carefully built and ought to matter. I knew it was a problem with our weird dating culture. This post sums it up well!
Thanks so much! So glad it resonated with you. You’re right – lots of weirdness for sure!!! Hugs and love xox
I’ve yet to jump on the dating app game mainly due to the horror/ weird/ random/ hilarious situations my friends have encountered but at the same time, it feels as though – if you’re in the social media world – there’s almost no other way to meet people other than through some random slipping into the DM’s and whatnot. IDK when the last time it was I actually went to a coffee shop or sat at the park or whatever and people weren’t staring at their phones instead of looking at people and talking to people. The virtual world feels to me as though it’s made a lot of us socially awkward and afraid of people mainly because of the over-availability of choices right at our fingertips. Ok, forgive this completely all over the place rant but I really liked your post. It touched on a lot of things I’ve thought about too. Cheers 🙂
Thanks For sharing your thoughts on this! Yeah definitely all those things! I know! We’re all buried in our phone all day long! Gg
**Hugs and love xox
For what it’s worth, there is still a generation of 40-somethings that are, daily, raising a generation of teenagers and 20-somethings to appreciate the finer arts of conversation and chivalry. Our 16-year-old says please and thank you, opens the door for his dates AND his grandmothers, and is an excellent conversationalist. I suppose the moral is: don’t lose hope. There is genuine goodness in the world and in its people. And romance isn’t dead; it’s just hibernating.
Thanks Mike, that’s so good to know! Way to go!! Sounds like you’re raising a great gentleman!! Hibernating – I like that. Hugs and love xox
Hello there,
I completely understand your feelings. You know what’s going on these days due to tech advancement? People want instant gratification. In my honest opinion, pornography and romance as portrayed in the movies is destroying people’s mind. Why , you may ask? Gradually when people tend to get addicted to it, their neural synapses in brain get used to the instant dopamine rush when they please themselves. This makes them lose interest in real life romance and intimacies. This is really a serious problem and there’s lot of debate, research and communities online based on it. This changes brain’s neuroplasticity and makes one lose interest in any real life activity. I’m a victim of this and trying hard to get out of this vicious cycle.
But again, well written ma’am. This is a problem our generation faces.
Thank it so much for sharing your thoughts on this. You’re really into something there – instant gratification. We’ve gotta break that cycle. Hugs and love xox
There are still some really great guys out there who don’t depend on apps to date, but they want to be more purposeful… they want to know BEFORE they spend time “dating” that the lady they’re investing in is someone they are truly interested in getting to know {better}. Look for activities that the right kind of guys are involved in so you can get to know what they’re like, and vice versa. Is there a young singles group at your church?? A good friend makes the an AMAZING husband.
Thanks for the great encouragement Linda. That’s awesome advice!! Hugs and love xox
I’m certain you aren’t the problem at church, more that the men would feel awkward about trying to connect with you there…at church. Perhaps a church that has a goid singles group? As Per the online dating thing….been there, done that! Good mercy! You have to wade through a ton of creepers to find a decent, to be sure. The best part is probably that online you can just be yourself and vice versa. Elsewhere, you’re usually meeting the person they want you to ses to hook you but you end up with a jerk when they can’t keep up the facade.
However, I did meet a guy. We emailed for a month before deciding to call. By the time we did, it was as though we’d known each other forever. We dated for almost a year, chaperoned by my adult son. Then married. Married now 12 years.
Thanks so much Laura for sharing your story. 12 years – that’s so awesome! Congrats! Very Inspiring. And that’s a great idea about the singles group! Hugs and love xox
Excellent post! I think church is a great place to meet someone. Or at least it should be. Keep going there……I bet you do find someone!
Thank you so much! I hope so! Hugs and love xox
I ‘liked’ your post, not because I liked it.
It actually made me sad.
Thanks friend. I appreciate you stopping by. Hugs and love xox
It’s been my experience that people don’t fall in love until they have been married for a few years. Everything else is finding the spark. Love is like a fire. It starts with a spark and grows only if it’s tended and fed.
Thanks Lloyd. Great point! Hugs and love xox
First of all, I don’t disagree with anything you’ve said. And some of what I have to say I think I may have said before. And I need to spend some time praying tonight about something that happened earlier that is actually related to what this post is about. And I should probably be in bed now because I have work in the morning. But I’m going to try to be coherent anyway…
First of all, maybe things in your world are different from mine, but I wonder how much of the lack of responses from men at church is the legacy of Josh Harris 20 years later. I was a new Christian when that was all the rage in youth and college groups, so I just assumed that the idea that dating was bad, men and women shouldn’t spend time alone together, and that it was un-Biblical to go on dates before you’ve talked about marriage with someone were universal to all Christians. I did talk to women at church, but I didn’t try to ask them on dates or anything like that because I was taught that this was wrong. And at one point in 2004, at the church I refer to in my blog at Church II With The Problems, I was actually pulled aside and told by my pastor that I wasn’t allowed to talk to women anymore because my social awkwardness made them uncomfortable. But that’s another story. I don’t know if Josh Harris-ism was as pervasive among Catholics of your generation as it was among evangelical Christians who were teenagers and college students in the late 90s, but that might have something to do with it.
I’ve given up on online dating. I very, very, very rarely get a response from anyone who I initiate a conversation with, and the only messages I get are from clingy old ladies. (Now I’m no spring chicken myself, many of these clingy old ladies are around my age or only a couple years older, but I’m sorry, from my point of view, with my background and history, if you’re only nine months older than me and you have adult children and a grandchild already, you feel like an old lady to me.) I have been on a few dates with women I met online, but the vast majority of the time I never hear from them again after the first date, unless it’s the BS excuse of “I’m really busy right now, I’ll get back to you after life settles down” and they never do, and the few that I’ve been on second dates with I never hear from them again after that. I think I need to cut my losses and concentrate on accepting the fact that I’m just going to be going through this life alone.
Thank you so much for sharing this powerful perspective. So much to think think about and mull over. I will definitely keep you in my prayers. The right woman is out there 🙂 Hugs and love xox
Funny that I just posted about this on my own blog. Though that post also contains what might be a partial explanation (not excuse) of why guys aren’t moving in. What do you think?
May you find an exception to what is sadly becoming a rule.
Thanks Brandon! Hugs and love xox
Ok. Ok. My 2 cents. As soon as I understood the topic, I knew you’d KILL IT. And, you never disappoint. A riveting compendium on the pervasive ills of life as a millennial. I fell hard and fast for this painful stark depiction of the use of dating apps.
Ohhhhhh, your GIFT.
Dont back down conchita.
You’re making the right decisions at the right time and your judgements of God leading and guiding you are dead on the money.
Keep writing. Keep blessing us all.
Your hearts desire IS on his way. Keep fighting.
He never disappoints, even when He says “no” for the moment.
But, you already know that.
Thank you dear Carolyn
Roland Henderson
xoxo
Thank you so much Roland! I really appreciate the encouragement. You’re right – it’s just for the moment. Hugs and love xox
Sorry Sweetie, your problem is that you’re totally gorgeous! And unfortunately, most of us guys are insecure trying to initiate a conversation with such a beautiful woman, even though you were tying to be open and available. You don’t have to flirt with them or “make the first move” but if you’ll simply speak to those “tall drinks of water” you might be surprised how much they actually want to talk to you. Since you’ve seen them there more than once, walk up and ask if they enjoy coming to the evening mass. The dam will probably break. And if the other 3 eligibles are watching, which wouldn’t surprise me, they may take what they see as proof that you’re approachable. Just the cross you have to bear for being so stunning! 🙂 And BTW, any person that can’t appreciate your decision to wait on your husband isn’t worth your time. Wait for the real men.
You’re an excellent writer. I’m glad you popped up on radar. Will definitely be back to see what you have to say.
Father’s blessings to you!
Oh my gosh you’re way too kind. Thank you Kenneth. I am truly humbled by your generous words. Maybe o should try to strike up a convo. Just see what happens. Thanks for making me smile 🙂 Hugs and love xox
Nope, I don’t give into that.
I won’t stop keeping romance alive…between me and my wife, of course. She deserves it.
Way to go Robert! Keep it alive! 🙂 Hugs and love xox
As a mass communications major, I’m one who’s down for social experiments myself. Thanks for doing this so I never would have to do this in future if curioristy ever creeps up on me. Your findings were comprehensively well written and leads a balanced perspective. I think the analogy of sampling a ‘buffet’ does applies to women as well. If we can date so many guys at one time, all the more we aren’t ‘big on labels’.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts on this. Thanks another thing! The labels! Aye yiyi that’s another post! Haha Hugs and love xox
Caralyn, Even guys need “atta boy” comments. Why not tell the cute lector he did a good job on the readings?
Thanks Madeline, that’s a great point. I will next time! Hugs and love xox
[…] doesn’t help much when you’ve yet to meet that someone special. I recently responded to another blogger’s post who was opining on how hard it is in today’s society to find a potential life partner. I can […]
Thanks for the link up! Hugs and love xox
I think you have made some very good points, well all good points. Apps are an amazing tool that where designed to help make our life easier but what I have seen is that rather than make people social they make them anti-social.
Personally I always chat to people where ever I go, I like to give people time and connect with them. Shop assistants are bored and tired of having the same conversation over and over again. When I chat to them about them, they open up, you see the real person.
Younger guys in the line will often look at me as if I have some special skill but it something we all can do from 3-4, talk, communicate.
Apps have definitely killed the art of conversation and communication. Walk into a staff room in any company at lunch time and almost everyone is on there phones. Yes, they are connecting with people, getting back to important emails and the 100 essential notifications that they need to reply to so they don’t come off as rude…lol
The problem is they are not present. Its really sad.
To any guy that may be reading this, girls just want playful chat, they want someone that shows interest in them. The ability to have a conversation and communicate shows confidence.
There is so much focus put on looks and style nowadays that people I feel have forgot how to be themselves.
What are the answers? Its hard to say. Michael Jackson puts it best in his classic, Man in The Mirror. Thats the only person you can change.
Chat to the people in your life. Love, romance, and friendship starts with words, with connecting with a persons spirit, not there avatar.
Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts and heart on this. You’re so right – I’ve got to initiate a conversation! Hugs and love xox
Someone as gifted and talented as yourself is single cause they want to be. And there’s nothing wrong with that. You have worked very hard on your blog to get it to where it is today.
Now you need to swift that energy into finding yourself someone that you can share your time with.
Take your laptop to cafes and restaurants to do your work. Get to know all the people in your life. It will not take long before you meet someone. 🙂
That’s such a great idea to work at a cafe! Thank you for such kind words. Means a lot. Hugs and love xox
I think wifi is Gods way of saying, “now you can work anywhere in the world.” 🙂
From reading your blog for some time I know things have not been easy for you. But you now help 100,000s of people.
You are a beautiful person in so many ways. You are also intelligent, funny, and most importantly, you have a love for God that you’re not ashamed to share.
You will be rewarded, but you must meet God half way. Put yourself in places where you will meet the guy of your dreams. 🙂
Oh my gosh what a kind thing to say. I am so touched. Thanks again Hugs and love xox
I did the dating app thing and it wasn’t for me. It’s exhausting and when I did get it in a relationship it didn’t work they were still on the apps swiping for the next girl. Infuriating. I gave up on it and then literally a few weeks later I met my future husband through friends in real life and he is very romantic. A proper gentleman who swept me off my feet. Romance is still alive but for me it wasn’t through a dating app!
Thanks for sharing your beautiful love story, Rachael! Aw I’m so happy for you 🙂 Hugs and love xox
Thank you 😊
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It’s a big problem, with people losing the ability to communicate beyond a screen, but in a society that asks for more equitable treatment, it’s not as easy for a man to know how to approach a woman. The rules of the dating game have changed.
But I must comment on your writing style, it’s very “conversational” and relatable, you have shared an issue with a sense of humour, style and elegance.
Thanks so much Tyrone, I appreciate that! Hugs and love xox
I have heard of Tinder, but not of the rest I did not even know that there are so many dating apps out there!!
It is crazy
I proposed to my wife on our third meeting, and it has been 27.5 years since we have been married – you need to trust your instinct and allow yourself to feel….
Dating Apps and services? Never used them. I think that the concept is strange
I will expect that they will grow as human loneliness increases, and people become more and more obsessed with their mobile phones.
You cannot replace conversation, a hug, a handshake, a look in the eye, with a WhatsApp smiley. Sadly, the ‘young’ generation takes refuge in emojis. I feel that many kids in their 20’s are older than me. Sounds counter-intuitive?
Wow 27.5 years. That’s amazing! Congrats. Totally inspiring! Hugs and love xox
It’s disappointing to see how quickly technology can ruin something as fun, exciting and scary as trying to meet new people that could be “the one”. I missed all of that and was already married once technology took over (18 years this July). I think you have the right idea, shun the tech in favor of real life connection. It will make what you will find so much more fulfilling. I’ve been on an anti-tech streak lately getting rid of apps, limiting time on the laptop, etc. It’s been the best decision ever!
Good luck on the hunt for a husband!
I think you’re right about that Andrew. And congrats on 18 years! That’s so awesome 🙂 Hugs and love xox
As someone a bit older, I think the slide began with the brain addling porn wave in the 70s. Sex became the shortcut to intimacy and then intimacy was displaced by fantasy. Add on top of that all of the hand held access to a personal fantasy universe and it’s a wonder people even say “Excuse me” any more.
Thanks for sharing this insight. Yeah I agree! Hugs and love xox
I wholeheartedly agree. I do the same! If only we could make the leap from crafting blogs about our idiosyncrasies to making an actual date. And so right here and right now (in front of our readers), I propose a date.
Thanks Mike. Aw you’re so sweet! 🙂 you just made my morning! Hugs and love xox
This is certainly true. God richly bless you. Your husband will come soon 😊
Thank you so much Nana 🙂 Hugs and love xox
You’re welcome 😊
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Oh my. I laughed so hard at this, especially the Carnival cruise buffet line. It wasn’t much better before dating apps. What you described was the singles scene at bars and nightclubs in the ’80’s and ’90’s. I have a radical proposition for you… Why not let your parents set you up? Yes, I realize they live in a different state however, you head there frequently for work, they know you best and have your best interests at heart. I met my husband when I gave up dating and told my friends to keep an eye out for a HUSBAND. I told them what I was looking for and a friend of mine who is a personal trainer introduced us. I was 36 at the time and not as close to my parents as I am now so I did not think to ask them for help. You’re dad’s a great guy. I think he would love to help find the right guy for you.
Thanks so much Melissa! I’m so glad this resonated with you 🙂 I am definitely not against my parents sending me on a blind date! Haha and thanks for sharing you and your husbands story 🙂 you’re right I think my dad would get a kick out of it haha Hugs and love xox
The day I wrote this my sister was speaking with our parish priest who said he thought that parents should set their kids up on dates. Who knows us better? Hugs back.
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Two comments: “Men don’t know how to approach women anymore.” Well, maybe men under 30. 😉 Next: You are not repulsive; if a “tall drink of” whatever doesn’t approach you, it’s because he is intimidated–take it from a man who used to be under 30.
Thanks so much John. That’s a great point. And gosh what a kind thing to say!! Hugs and love xox
Hang in there Caralyn! God will bring the right man to you, with or without dating apps 🙂 I had a hard time knowing how the heck God would bring me Mr. Right. (And I admit, I was only 19 when we met which now seems so young, but oh boy was I impatient!) I have to admit that I worry for our kids. I pray for them and their future spouses often! The right man will approach you and nothing will stand in his way when God brings him to you. So whether it be the lectern at church, or that random guy you pass on the street, God will make it happen:) Good luck with your patience….it is a life long learning lesson for some of us!
Thanks friend, for sharing your story. I really appreciate that. Yes He will make it happen! Hugs and love xox
Your soul is older than the rest of you. This is well written and thought out. And you’re right, men don’t know how to talk to women as well as they once did. It’s not that men were that much better at it in previous generations, but at least “What’s a nice girl like you doing in a place like this?” is person to person communication. Still, don’t be discouraged; I work with a lot of twenty-somethings, and there are still some men out there who have the stones to walk up to a lady and say something appropriate to this situation. I always thought “I hope you don’t mind if I tell you you’re looking lovely this evening” was just about the best thing a man could say to a woman to make a good impression; nothing witty or cutesy, just a nice and pleasant compliment. Hope you’re well, and thanks for writing.
Aw thank you so much. You’re right – person to person communication – it goes a long way! Hugs and love xox
This is clearly a great post. It speaks very true. I’d even go far to say, dating apps give men excuse to be promiscuous, and devalue women, vice versa. We have become a society where value and worth and boundaries are thrown out the window. I am much like you, I don’t use any dating apps, nor do I accept a man texting me, I like face to face conversations with depth. Every women in the bible, did not find their husband, in fact we women are not to seek out a husband, because it may or may not happen in church. Scripture says, “He who finds a wife finds a good thing, and obtains favor from the Lord” -Proverbs 18:22 God specifically guides the Man to FIND his wife. I allow the spirit of God to guide me to cross paths of my husband. I do not need to find him, for God reveals all in his timing. Thank you for this post. Because it speaks truth. I’ll definitely will be sharing
Thank you so much Tiffany! Face to face all the way! Amen to that – God’s word speak truth! Hugs and love xox
Girl! Go talk to those guys at church yourself! You don’t have to ask them out, but you can’t just stand around and not show any kind of interest in any of them and then be disappointed they didn’t speak to you. If you’re interested, speak up! Make friends! And THEN wait for them to ask you out. At least then they’ll know you exist. 🙂
Thank you so much! That’s a great point – I’ll initiate next time:) hehe Hugs and love xox
same page over here!
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Thanks Avery! Hugs and love xox
Never used a dating app, but met a great boy through a dating service. He was a gentleman, we set both our accounts on the service as unavailable, the rest is history! The day after I graduated from college in Dec. of 2005, we got married. Been together ever since!
Thanks so much for sharing your story Jeanette. I love it!! Congrats!! Hugs and love xox
Interesting premise. I see the dating apps as a symptom more than anything, a digital version of the personal ads in old newspapers.
From a man’s perspective (and I’m slightly older than you (36)), we had it drummed into our heads in the 90s by school (health class, etc.), pop culture, and the genres zeitgeist, that guys were to leave girls ALONE, approaching them was harassment, and that you were one wrong breath away from sexual harassment or rape. So many of us just didn’t bother trying to approach women until MUCH later in life…when we realized all of that was b.s.
It’s this out-of-whack culture, positing that men and women are natural enemies, that created the dating app phenomenon (if you want to call it that). It seems like you’re doing the best possible thing trying to find a church man to date. Best of luck, and I’m sure you’ll find someone sooner than later!
God bless.
Thanks friend for this interesting perspective. So glad you stopped by! Hugs and love xox
So, I *just* missed the dating app era which got really big right after I started dating my now husband. However, just to maybe give a little different perspective. I approached him. First of all, we were friends first. And when I found out he had not been out to the local park to see their famous Christmas lights, I suggested that we would go. That night, we talked about everything and a few months (and a couple more dates) later, we were exclusive.
When I asked him why he never approached me, he said that he didn’t think I was interested. Maybe the four guys at your church assume that you are taken or that you are not dating right now. Maybe your boyfriend was out of town and they didn’t want to take that chance. Since all five of you just came out of service, you have the perfect opportunity to talk about something. I know being traditional is something that’s important. My husband and I are pretty traditional in a lot of ways. But I really see an advantage in starting up a friendship with someone that might turn into something else, but might not. Either way, you could have a great friend (and maybe even access to his network of single friends as well).
Thanks so much for sharing your beautiful love story! So happy for you! That’s a great point – I should approach him! Hugs and love xox
You make some excellent points Caralyn but I think romance is dead because it has nothing to do with beauty( and you certainly have it in buckets). If you listen to Jordan Peterson-Clinical Psychologist and Milo Yiannopoulos- free speech activist, they say that men have been emasculated by the media,( just look at the commercials on TV and made to look stupid) and by the feminist left, so men are not engaging in the dating game, at school and in their careers because they are too afraid. I know men who feel like this and who are overwhelmed, unappreciated and underachieving. Jesus, who was fearless, is certainly the perfect gentleman and the raging tempest who stood up for what He believed. We need more men to stand up for their rights, to be leaders and to remain steadfast. God bless.
Thanks so much. This is a really fascinating response. Amen! More leaders! Hugs and love xox
I just went to a megachurch here and the Singles Bible Study. I also pray and hope God sends someone my direction. I have considered online dating but don’t like paying to communicate.
My cousin met his wife online and they are doing wonderful with grandchildren, now.
Good Luck to you.
I will definitely keep you and your “someone” in my prayers! Thanks for stopping by! Hugs and love xox
Okay, my turn!
First, I’m grateful that I didn’t attempt online dating. Ever. I know several people, our generation and a few older souls, who have had success with sites like Match and eHarmony. But, I think that’s less than 10 people, off the top of my head.
Second, don’t be afraid to talk to these guys. Some are shy. Some need an outlet. Who knows?
Third, here’s my experience. Patience is certainly a virtue! The first three guys I dated – I met them all through my United Methodist church. Keep in mind, this was high school. We were all friends first, and then, eventually, it turned into, “Well, let’s try dating and see what happens?”
My first relationship, with Daniel, didn’t last six months. It was challenging being the only one at a different high school than the rest of the youth group (and getting teased incessantly since the schools were football rivals). The second one, with Loren, lasted about 6-7 months, and I actually starting talking to the third one while lamenting that the current boyfriend failed to see the significance of celebrating our six-month anniversary. Ridiculous, I know.
The third relationship, with John, was the longest, 2006-2010. I actually asked him to “go steady” (I’m totally old-fashioned). He swept me off my feet. But, once we graduated from high school, he followed me to the same university. And then, things started changing. Once he got me away from my family, the church, and other safe spaces, he started manipulating me. Eventually abusing me. It was awful. I have very few memories of three years of college because I was being consumed by him.
Long story short, I broke up with him on July 17, 2010. That was my transformation day. I started picking up the pieces. I started to re-build my relationship with my parents, several friends, and most importantly, God. Let me tell you, I learned that God is truly a forgiving God at that point. I knew I had done the right thing.
My now brother-in-law was playing matchmaker before I knew it. Nick and I knew each other for years, going back to elementary school, but we had several mutual friends and struck up a friendship in 2009. After I told him I’d broken up with John, he immediately wanted me to meet his brother, Al. His exact words to me via Facebook chat at the time: “I think you and my brother would be awesome together.”
Although incredibly flattered, I asked Nick, kindly, to hold off. I needed to heal. I was picking up everything after FOUR YEARS. I needed a lot of prayer!
Well, wouldn’t you know it, right before I left home to start my senior year of college, Al and I became Facebook friends and exchanged numbers. The night before I left, I watched the movie Inglorious Basterds with them. I was sitting between them on the couch in the room above the detached garage, and I thought to myself, “You know, my life would be awesome if the three of us were just friends for the rest of our lives. These guys are awesome.”
Two weeks later, it was Labor Day weekend. Al and I had been texting, calling, and Skyping quite a bit since I’d left. I felt happy – I had a new friend. He was older, handsome, and just fun to talk to. It just so happened that Nick’s girlfriend had just started as a freshman at the same university where I was senior. Nick asked me if I could bring her home for the long weekend, since I had my car. I agreed, thinking, “Hey, this is great. I’ll get to talk to Chelsea about the school newspaper, see Nick, and see Al. Score!!”
Al and I agreed to go to dinner that Saturday night – September 4, 2010. I was so nervous. This was the first true “date” that I felt like I was going to. I changed my clothes three times. I was excited – Al had a sexy red Mustang! But, we had a blast. We enjoyed the local seafood at the Virginia Beach Oceanfront. We were waiting for one of the free concerts to start – Chicago was one of the headliners for the weekend’s music festival. We strolled along the boardwalk. Because it felt right, I laid my head on his shoulder when we stopped to look at the water. The next thing I know, Al’s turned me around and kissed me on the lips on the boardwalk. I literally saw stars and fireworks. Then, as he hugged me, he whispered that he had something to tell me. He proceeds to tell me that I was his first kiss. I was 22, he was 25. You could have knocked me over with a feather. I was absolutely blown away. I spluttered, “Why me?” Al looked at me, with the most sincerity I have ever seen, and said, “I was waiting for the right person.”
We didn’t see Chicago play that night. We held hands the whole way back to his parents’ house. We stayed up until like 1:15 a.m. At one point, he held me close and kissed me, and I said those three words – “I love you.” I felt like I’d made the worst mistake of my entire life, watching his reaction. I was terrified. Inner Laura Beth was screaming. “OMG, what on Earth get came out of your mouth?! You’ve basically ruined the best night of your entire life … Oh, wow …”
Al smiled and said, “I love you, too.”
On our wedding day, November 14, 2015, our pastor read parts of love letters that we had written to each other, but sent only to the pastor. Al’s letter said he knew he wanted to marry me the night of our first date. Again, knock me over with a feather, this time in my wedding dress. For me, I knew about a week afterward. I wanted to make sure it was real, and not a dream.
Patience. Grace. Communication. You have it all. Also – I was a Communication Studies, Mass Media major, and I couldn’t agree more with your post, and the comments. You are awesome!!!
Thanks so much Laura Beth! Yeah – those two sites I like to think of as actual match making sites – just just dating apps. They’re n another league. And I’m so glad you have friend who have found success with them!! And you’re so right – I need to approach them too! And go for it!! Amennnn patience is definitely not my strong suit. I need to pray about that. And thank you for sharing your story. Gosh it breaks my heart that you weren’t treated with the respect and honor that you so deserve. I’m so glad that God has been able to heal those wounds, and that He brought Al into your life. Gosh what a beautiful love story. It gives me so much hope. I know this took a long time for you to write and I just want you to know how grateful I am for you to share your heart and spirit like it. It really means so much. God is good and so are you!! Hugs and love xox
Dating apps are definitely in a league of their own, and not in a good way!
Patience is so hard for many, myself included! I consider myself very fortunate.
God is in control! I pray the Serenity Prayer every single day. It’s a life-changer! Thank you so much for your kind words. I tell my story because I believe it gives people hope. I’m so glad – I appreciate your compliments. I didn’t want it to be too long, but I didn’t want to leave anything important out. I’m grateful for my experiences, both good and bad. Sharing our stories make a difference, whether it helps one person, or a thousand. Helping one person is what makes me happy! Thank you for reading my novel of a comment. God is so good, and you are a bright light of His!! XOXO
Oh gosh, the serenity prayer is so powerful, isn’t it?! It was the prayer that was so transformative during my stay at inpatient. The wisdom to know the difference!! woo! 🙂 Hugs and love xox
Absolutely!
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Well said: funny and poignant!
Thanks so much! Hugs and love xox
This. I love this post so much. And at the end, about trusting in God’s timing- I recently wrote a post about it. I get so frustrated because I’m still single but not into dating apps because of the overwhelming pressure to be someone different from my true self, I just want to run away. I still hope for a love story that sounds too real to exist – like one during my travels. Here’s to more hoping and praying for it hahaha.
As thank you so much! Amen – His timing! Will be praying for ya! Hugs and love xox
As always, a great post. I will say in defense of those cute boys, that we as women have made it increasingly harder for men to approach us. They’re so afraid to hold open a door for us in fear of being reprimanded for doing so or to comment on a cute outfit in fear of being told they have now been sexually aggressive. Our overly-offended culture as created a dating disaster for men *and* women. Believe me, I know…I’m right there with ya.
Thank you so much 🙂 you’re right about that — very true. Thanks for the encouragement! Hugs and love xox
Somehow I don’t share your pain in all of this, Caralyn. We’re all meant to be single. That’s just the happier life. Didn’t you get the memo?
thanks for sharing your thoughts Dan
never mind chivalry beaut, that bird has flown the coop so to speak but more so on a regional basis especially in urban areas…there are loads of chivalry present in rural towns, like those who will help a lady in distress with a flat tire, or even a simple door being opened and cheerful smile, and that is good, but a lot of those ‘good ole boys’ can’t be trusted with a real lady as far as you can pick ’em up and throw ’em because they lack self-control…I know, lived in Tennessee for years…all is not lost though beaut, you get the picture…dating apps with their fast and loose snippets and catch phrases don’t equate to trust and that is good for you beaut as long as you stay away from their enticements…your father in Ohio, I think, has given you the best advice in the world and I don’t even know what advice he gave you about dealing with men, but from what you said about him he seems like he’s got your back until you open your heart up to the right man at the right time…God knows.
I think you’re right about that. Yeah, my dad is a smart man, that’s for sure! thanks for the encouragement. Hugs and love xox
‘So afterwards, I just kind of hung around in the lobby for a little bit. I was flipping through the bulletin close to the door — practically begging to be talked to.
And no man took the bait.
Not one.
I was so annoyed.’
I’ll give you a bit of advice…looking at a bulletin doesn’t convey ‘come talk to me’ as a man. I see a woman reading something.
Here’s what does…eye contact, a smile, I even appreciate if she says ‘hi’. We’re looking for interest signals. That still doesn’t mean doing all that will cause a man to initate because I agree a lot of guys don’t know how to approach or it takes a long time to get signals(believe me)…but I think it increases the chances.
Thanks so much Earl – that’s a great point! Next time – I’ll be all about the interest signals! 🙂 Hugs and love xox
I loved your post! Mainly because love is a topic that I try my best to address on my site as well. You are much more clear and direct, I’m always using analogies and whatnot Haha. I normally write with someone in mind, when it comes to love, I do try to send a message that men should be honorable in all of their conduct. Likewise, they should look for honorable women. Proverbs 31 isn’t just for women, but also a message to men saying be worthy of such a woman.
God always leaves a remnant, Men of honor are out there (I hope I’m counted among them). I enjoy hand-writing letters to my close friend Margaret. We honestly write more letters than text messages to each other. She refers to us as “old souls” Haha.
God bless!
Thank you so much Travis! I appreciate your feedback. Amen – i love Proverbs 31! So glad you stopped by! Hugs and love xox
Nice blog. This reminded me of my roomate in college who dated girls from Plenty of Fish. We ended up calling him fisherman. Not the most unique nickname but we thought it was hilarious at the time.
Thank you so much! Fisherman, that’s funny! 🙂 Hugs and love xox
Church is a good place to start. Have you tried volunteering at church for anything? In my experience, behind the scenes is where the real conversations happen. Try volunteering for an upcoming event if you have the opportunity. Wash dishes, serve coffee, set up tables, anything that gets you “Interacting” with people. Sadly, nowadays, you can go to church for 10 years and never meet anyone, because most are in a hurry to get out of there when the service is over, or too busy looking at their phones and rushing off to the next thing on their calendar. Best wishes. You deserve someone who will be willing to “earn” your love, not “swipe” his way into it.
Thank you so much Lisa! That’s great advice. i’ll look into volunteering in the city! Hugs and love xox
Do you think your church would sponsor a “no-screens” zone? The zombification of America leaves social craters everywhere those apps reign. Trouble is, they work “enough” to give people an excuse to not exercise or develop any social skills, much less romantic finesse. I am from an era where manners and courtship were the only way to meet and connect with a friend/partner/spouse. Another trouble is that, given a failure at real-person connection, people just float on that virtual bubble they inflate with every text. My only comment, extend your age range by 5-8 years. I think you would be surprised how much difference that could make. Maybe you have had bad experiences with “older men” but how would I know that. I wish you the best; stick to your guns.
A no-screens zone – that is a really interesting idea! Thank you so much for your thoughtful response, Von! Hugs and love xox
BTW: My love-of-my-life wife is ten years my junior. We met when I was 35 and she was 25.
Nice! Age is just a number 🙂
Love this post! As a now married woman of many years, I will share with your wonderful audience that when I was young and single, I actually prayed (deep breath) that God would not let me waste time with relationships unless they had a meaningful purpose in my life. And that when He was ready, I would meet the best person for me. Honestly, there were entire years I did not have a single date. I know. Not the best reason to follow this advice. But, in the end, I looked back and realized the relationships I had were meaningful and healing – yes, healing – and when I was ready, I met Mr. Right and have been happily married ever since to a guy who shares my values and sense of fun. P.S. And girls, enjoy your friends to the limit while you are single. You will not have the same time with them once you are married. Blessings!!
thank you so much! what a beautiful prayer. thank you for sharing that with me. I’m so glad you have found Mr. Right!! Hugs and love xox
(A) Okay, I’ll be the bad guy and stick up for the dating sites. I think they’re incredibly helpful and often connect people who wouldn’t have otherwise met. We really underestimate that feature. Dating sites also act as a pre-screening process that eliminates the risk of rejection, which is a huge positive for guys.
The problem, however, is related to their process: Many sites do a very poor job of assessing compatibility, and that’s the whole reason people use them—save the hook-up crowd. Knowing who someone’s “favorite Dr. Who character is” doesn’t reveal much when you’re trying to evaluate the opportunity costs associated with dating a person you’ve found online. So, sites connect people who are attracted to each other, but they fail miserably when they suggest who might be a great fit for you beyond appeasing your ego.
(BTW, I’ve developed a much better metric that does a far better job of quantifying compatibility—including a “cohabitation index” that will tell you how well a potential partner will fit into your “lifestyle space” (e.g., time allocation, availability, etc.). This is important because you might fit well with someone, but living together after you’re married might offer uncharted difficulties. If anyone is interested, PM me your email at my site with a note and I’ll send it to you (with instructions on how to use it).)
(B) Guys might not have approached you for a number of reasons—and those reasons might have absolutely nothing to do with dating sites: (a) they’re already dating girls in whom they have interest, (b) they’re not interested in dating anyone right now, (c) these particular guys simply weren’t interested in you romantically, (d) they’re very shy and don’t approach women, (e) your standards are too high, etc. Usually there’s a combination of factors at work that prevent the blossoming of romance, which is another reason why dating sites are popular: It’s really hard to find someone who is (1) a Christian, (2) available, (3) attracted to you, (4) attracts you, (5) currently interested in dating, (6) emotionally stable and available, (7) of the right age, (8) is (relatively) local, (9) is financially independent…I mean, it’s truly amazing anyone finds anyone else!
The best advice: Stick to Christian dating sites—I recommend Christian Cafe—and make sure your profile makes Jesus your priority. That will filter the superficial, ghosting, hook-up guys—if some get through, you should be able to know them “by their fruit”—and leave you with the serious contenders.
Fabulous blog post :)our generation is making one of the gift from God(ALLAH) Almighty is relationship and romance which we are making it so complicated today.
GOD (ALLAH)HAS CREATED US IN PAIRS ” (78:8,THE QURAN )
So we will get to meet our right match at the right time and moment even the person is leaving far far away he/ she will come to you by the mercy of ALLAH (AWJ) (GOD ) .
These dating sites or apps cant even bring two people to love each other the right way so stay away from them .Romance it is an experience or moment that is special for everyone and a blessing from ALLAH (AWJ) to us .
Remember our creator as he will remember us everytime .things will become easy and lovable by the mercy of ALLAH (AWJ).INSHAALLAH
Thank you so much Saad! I appreciate you sharing your thoughts on this. Hugs and love xox
Your blog is fabulous ,:) Have agood day ahead 🙂
thanks again. same to you!! xoxox
Thanks ! 🙂
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I had just heard on the radio that dating is dead, and this blog seems to affirm along that. It is always interesting to hear what is going on with the younger generation especially from the perspective of that age group. I need to ask some of my younger friends and my son -age 28–about this. Thanks for a thought-provoking article. And keep looking for a man at church!
His Eileen, thanks for sharing this reflection. Yeah – will def keep looking at Church! Hugs and love xox
Caralyn, where do I start?
First, while it wasn’t a dating app, I did meet my amazing bride online while we lived 3000 miles away. Ironically, it was on an epilepsy support group site! She had been recently diagnosed within the past few years and I am a lifer, diagnosed at 18 months.
Second, meeting “Mr. Right” in church is certainly an ideal thing. If you were my daughter, and you are just a few years younger than she is, I would say, “Kudos to you!” However, as a clergyman, if I knew you were coming to church where I was preaching and knew that you were there to meet cute guys and my sermon was an afterthought, I may take it personally. I know that your faith is very important to you. Don’t let anything get in the way of that, even if it is meeting the man who will some day be almost good enough for you.
I find it funny to hear you talk about how you figure that you are at least presentable and not repulsive, etc. Having seen enough pictures and videos of you, I don’t think you could be anything but drop-dead gorgeous if you tried!
If and when God brings the right man to you, it will be in His timing. Remember that His timing is not always the same as ours.
Love and Blessings,
Jim
Hi Jim, thanks so much for sharing your story! I love that you met your wife in that way! And oh my gosh you’re so kind to say that. Amen – His timing is perfect! Thanks for the encouragement 🙂 Hugs and love xox
I definitely can nod my head to your experience. Around this time last year I joined a dating app (due to a friend’s pressure), and I ran into all sorts of superficial guys and creeps. Somehow I did meet my fiance, which was totally a God thing. He hated the app so much he was about to delete it! We’re both introverted, so it worked out for us. But he still courted me and always pursues me the old fashioned way. A guy can still do this with online dating, but it takes A LOT more effort.
Xoxo Emily.
Thanks so much Emily. So glad it resonated with you! And oh my gosh! That’s so amazing! Thanks for sharing your beautiful love story – it gives me great hope!! Hugs and love xox
Thank you so much for sharing this. You’re absolutely right – romance is a dying art. I’ve never tried dating apps or online dating because I’ve always assumed that nothing would ever come out of them, but my friend, who met her husband online, insists that it works. I don’t get it – before digital dating, people had to meet somehow, right?
Anyway, you’re gorgeous and I find it surprising, if not discouraging, that dating is such a challenge! You deserve the best. Know your self-worth and God will take care of the rest 🙂
Oh my gosh thank you so much for your kind words. Yes He will take care of the rest! Hugs and love xox
I met my husband online, couldn’t be happier—there is hope!
Thanks for sharing that! How awesome! Very happy for you:) gives me hope! Hugs and love xox
Great read, and sadly true. But there are men and woman who feel as you feel.
By the way, your church stories are far too relatable to mine, so I was cracking up.
Thank you so much! So glad you can relate!! Hugs and love xox
I think it runs deeper than that. My sister – not Piggie – met her hubby in an online game. And they now have three kids and are very happy together. I on the other hand, have tried two online dating websites and experienced the same weirdness you’ve reported, plus I’m an avid gamer. No dice. Before I had met my now ex through my brother, I was an extrovert. I still enjoy social endeavors but I’m finding that too many people as of late lacking social nuance as a whole. Am I becoming an introvert or is the social scene changing or is the advent of the iPhone truly to blame? I don’t know – and this is coming from someone that lives out in the sticks where high speed internet is still a novelty.
Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts on this. I’m very happy to hear that your sister found success in the online dating pool! Hugs and love xox
Yeah, I won’t lie… I’m kind of jealous. Those two are still very much in love as far as I can tell. But having said that, they have the social skill set they need to make a relationship work. If they didn’t, it wouldn’t have mattered how they met, their relationship wouldn’t have lasted.
If it’s Mr. Right, it won’t matter how the two of you meet. You guys will click, and you will find the way to make it work. My siblings are a testament to this.
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Hello BeautyBeyondBones,
I tagged you for the, “The Get to Know Me Tag:”
https://myinksmears.wordpress.com/2018/04/25/the-get-to-me-tag/
I hope you find this interesting.
Sincerely,
Carly
Awesome! Thanks so much Carly!! Hugs and love xox
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Romance in the digital age consists of Instagram posts, Facebook selfies and Twitter flirts. It may have been down to age, technology and the stories of the last generation. Unfortunately, it is what it is and I doubt that people with a generation gap (or two) would still understand each other unless they are speaking the same “language”. Still, I hope that whatever the means, the end will be the same. A long, happy and fulfilling relationship where partners grow old together. Now I feel old. 🙂
That’s very true. Thanks Mackie! Hugs and love xox
I love this. I feel for you. The online days are going to kill so much more. Spouses are married to their phones instead of each other. Dinner time is taken up with individual shows kids are watching. I’m guilty too 🙋🏼♀️ we all could be better with being in the flesh and not tied to a device ❤️
Thanks so much! So true. Hugs and love xox
Ok, I am going to be Captain obvious here. Wait, I was never a captain. Guess I will be Staff Sergeant obvious. You realize and acknowledge that things have changed in the dating scene. Why, don’t you just walk over to one of those “tall drinks” and say, “HI!, my name is…..” You know, to get the ball going?
Why am I saying this you might ask? First, I grew up in church and all the pretty girls scared me and I was too shy to say hello. You all travel in packs and that is intimidating. Most times the nice boys are to scared and are hoping their married friends introduce them to a nice girl. Yes, this even applies to single men in there early 30’s in church (That was me too).
Secondly, that is what I tell my 22 year old daughter when she talks about this same issue. If she really wants something she needs to try and make it happen, either in work, vacations, or in relationships. Especially when she doesn’t want her parental units trying to set her up with “good boys.” So, I just remind her that it was her mother and stepmother who said “Hello” first.
That’s a great point! Thanks for the awesome advice!! Hugs and love xox
I FEEL YOUR PAIN !!! The struggle is so real 😩😩😩 I Almost wanna scream “ hello I’m single !! Talk to