The Generation that Killed Romance

Posted on by beautybeyondbones

Our generation is going to go down as the generation that killed romance.

Among other things.

But the death of chivalry and courtship will be our legacy.

And I blame one thing: Dating Apps.

Ugh.

Bumble. Tinder. The League. Hinge. Coffee Meets Bagel. OKCupid.

Online dating is a close to 2 billion dollar industry. As they say, there’s a sucker born every minute. And I’m ashamed to admit: I am one of those suckers.

Now, admittedly, I’ve never actually gone on a date from one of those apps. But I do have profiles on at least three of those aforementioned sites. But granted…it’s out of millennial obligation.

Since the emergence of the dating apps, I have come to notice something very depressing:

Men don’t know how to approach women anymore.

And sure, I guess I should be fair and not exclude women from that. But in my traditional mind, I’ve always been one to allow the man to approach first.

But seriously, since dating apps have become so insanely popular…men just don’t saddle up and strike up a conversation anymore.

Listen, we’re friends. I can be honest with you. I’m not a grotesque looking individual. I mean, I have all my teeth. I wear clothes that match. And if you catch me on a good day, my hair will even be washed and styled.

Shop this look!

What I’m trying to say is that, I typically don’t repulse men. At least until they talk to me.

But it just baffles me the decline in social skills, and frankly – courtship knowhow – which has taken a nosedive since we’ve all started relationships with our iPhones.

Clearly, I’m frustrated.

I was at church last weekend. I walked 30 minutes there and 30 minutes back to go to the parish where there are the most straight, single men. I was wearing a super cute outfit. Hair done. Fresh application of make up. And my highlighter on fleek. Sat on the aisle. I was ready. And sure enough, there were several cute fellas in attendance that night. No wedding rings. No girlfriends. Just 4 tall drinks of water. 🙂

So afterwards, I just kind of hung around in the lobby for a little bit. I was flipping through the bulletin close to the door — practically begging to be talked to.

And no man took the bait.

Not one.

I was so annoyed.

So I decided to do an experiment. I was going to actually do the dating apps.

Here were the rules: Thursday night: reach out for one hour on my sites, and “swipe right” on the men I found interesting. No one younger than 23 or older than 30. Must live in NYC. And then I had to actually try and engage for the entire weekend. That means: always reply, promptly. And I had to keep the conversation going.

And let me just tell you. It was exhausting.

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Come Sunday night, I was trying to keep 23 different conversations going with different men, most of whom, I couldn’t even remember which name matched which thumbnail, or who I thought was genuinely interesting, or who was as dull as a doorknob.

And that Sunday night, I again, in my “single-and-ready-to-mingle” church outfit, I walked the distance to go to the “cute guy” parish…only this time, I arrived two minutes late because I had a couple last minute Bumble replies I had to deal with.

So no aisle seat this time.

After church, instead of flipping through the bulletin by the door to try and catch the eye of the handsome guy who did the readings, I was instead greeted by 8 new message notifications that I had to reply to.

And it was at this point, that it hit me.

This is the problem.

First, I’ll let you be the first to tell me that my priorities were wrong at church. Which, yes, I get it. But to be fair, I know that God really wants me to find a good man to be my husband, and honestly – Jesus is the best wingman. So, I’m okay with using Church as a meeting ground for love.

But aside from that, what I had experienced during that weekend experiment of “doing the apps” is precisely why romance is officially six feet under, and we’ve got a bunch of man-childs walking around and expecting to hook up on the first date!

We have made it entirely too easy, AND overwhelmed them with a pool of ready and willing  options.

He’s no longer ordering the lobster or filet mignon off of the 5-Star menu, he’s sampling a little bit of everything off the Carnival cruise buffet.

And what does that leave you, friends?

Fat. Stuffed. And prediabetic.

After trying to keep 23 conversations going for three days, I realized very quickly that, a) the conversations didn’t actually amount to anything. They were all surface. They were all forgettable. And frankly, I’m not going to learn anything about you, really, from a witty three line bio that your best friend in marketing wrote for you, and a conversation about where you grew up, or what bars you like in the city.

But the real kicker is that, by having 23 “potential interests” literally in my pocket, not only did it completely take me out of the present moment, but it kind of made the actual men in my physical vicinity become rather irrelevant.

If I were one to actually buy into the whole dating app thing, it would be like flirting and courtship wouldn’t even matter, because I could literally meet someone from my couch in sweatpants while watching Netflix with Cheetos crumbs on my fingertips.

Not that I’ve eaten a Cheeto since 2001.

But you know what I mean.

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I’m going to go right out and say it.

Dating apps have allowed men (and yes, women) to be the absolute worst social version of themselves.

Apps give us permission – if not encourage us – to: Flake. Be superficial and judge solely on looks. Be chauvinistic or lewd in how we converse to one another. Date a bunch of people at once – if not on the same night! Ghost. Be promiscuous. And for men: to expect a woman to “go Dutch” on a first date and get her own transportation to/from.

Which, for the record: I will always offer to pay for my part of the drinks/date, BUT I am a firm believer that a man should pay for the first date if he initiated it. So sue me.

I am just…ready to pull my hair out.

I have since deleted all the apps on my phone.

And you might be saying, “But what about those 23 guys that YOU are guilty of just ghosting?” 

Frankly, I’m not losing sleep over exiting a conversation where the deepest it got was about my childhood dog’s name. — Which is precisely the problem, in a nutshell.

The take away:

This was a classic example of “the grass is always greener.” The fact is: there were 4 “tall drinks of water” there – in the flesh – at church…an establishment where even my mother told me I should find my husband. But I was too wrapped up in my phone to notice.

So patience, Caralyn, is a virtue. And I need to trust in God’s timing, and not try to control everything through a dumb dating app that is literally rotting the romantic parts of our brain, and conditioning us to a cheap version of a love story. Kinda sounds like what porn has done to our young men’s minds. But that’s a story for a different day.

If you need me, I’ll be flipping through the bulletin in a sundress at church, desperately waiting for a cute boy to look up from his phone and talk to me.

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370 thoughts on “The Generation that Killed Romance”

  1. Do you think your church would sponsor a “no-screens” zone? The zombification of America leaves social craters everywhere those apps reign. Trouble is, they work “enough” to give people an excuse to not exercise or develop any social skills, much less romantic finesse. I am from an era where manners and courtship were the only way to meet and connect with a friend/partner/spouse. Another trouble is that, given a failure at real-person connection, people just float on that virtual bubble they inflate with every text. My only comment, extend your age range by 5-8 years. I think you would be surprised how much difference that could make. Maybe you have had bad experiences with “older men” but how would I know that. I wish you the best; stick to your guns.

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    1. A no-screens zone – that is a really interesting idea! Thank you so much for your thoughtful response, Von! Hugs and love xox

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  3. Love this post! As a now married woman of many years, I will share with your wonderful audience that when I was young and single, I actually prayed (deep breath) that God would not let me waste time with relationships unless they had a meaningful purpose in my life. And that when He was ready, I would meet the best person for me. Honestly, there were entire years I did not have a single date. I know. Not the best reason to follow this advice. But, in the end, I looked back and realized the relationships I had were meaningful and healing – yes, healing – and when I was ready, I met Mr. Right and have been happily married ever since to a guy who shares my values and sense of fun. P.S. And girls, enjoy your friends to the limit while you are single. You will not have the same time with them once you are married. Blessings!!

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    1. thank you so much! what a beautiful prayer. thank you for sharing that with me. I’m so glad you have found Mr. Right!! Hugs and love xox

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  4. (A) Okay, I’ll be the bad guy and stick up for the dating sites. I think they’re incredibly helpful and often connect people who wouldn’t have otherwise met. We really underestimate that feature. Dating sites also act as a pre-screening process that eliminates the risk of rejection, which is a huge positive for guys.

    The problem, however, is related to their process: Many sites do a very poor job of assessing compatibility, and that’s the whole reason people use them—save the hook-up crowd. Knowing who someone’s “favorite Dr. Who character is” doesn’t reveal much when you’re trying to evaluate the opportunity costs associated with dating a person you’ve found online. So, sites connect people who are attracted to each other, but they fail miserably when they suggest who might be a great fit for you beyond appeasing your ego.

    (BTW, I’ve developed a much better metric that does a far better job of quantifying compatibility—including a “cohabitation index” that will tell you how well a potential partner will fit into your “lifestyle space” (e.g., time allocation, availability, etc.). This is important because you might fit well with someone, but living together after you’re married might offer uncharted difficulties. If anyone is interested, PM me your email at my site with a note and I’ll send it to you (with instructions on how to use it).)

    (B) Guys might not have approached you for a number of reasons—and those reasons might have absolutely nothing to do with dating sites: (a) they’re already dating girls in whom they have interest, (b) they’re not interested in dating anyone right now, (c) these particular guys simply weren’t interested in you romantically, (d) they’re very shy and don’t approach women, (e) your standards are too high, etc. Usually there’s a combination of factors at work that prevent the blossoming of romance, which is another reason why dating sites are popular: It’s really hard to find someone who is (1) a Christian, (2) available, (3) attracted to you, (4) attracts you, (5) currently interested in dating, (6) emotionally stable and available, (7) of the right age, (8) is (relatively) local, (9) is financially independent…I mean, it’s truly amazing anyone finds anyone else!

    The best advice: Stick to Christian dating sites—I recommend Christian Cafe—and make sure your profile makes Jesus your priority. That will filter the superficial, ghosting, hook-up guys—if some get through, you should be able to know them “by their fruit”—and leave you with the serious contenders.

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  5. Fabulous blog post :)our generation is making one of the gift from God(ALLAH) Almighty is relationship and romance which we are making it so complicated today.
    GOD (ALLAH)HAS CREATED US IN PAIRS ” (78:8,THE QURAN )
    So we will get to meet our right match at the right time and moment even the person is leaving far far away he/ she will come to you by the mercy of ALLAH (AWJ) (GOD ) .
    These dating sites or apps cant even bring two people to love each other the right way so stay away from them .Romance it is an experience or moment that is special for everyone and a blessing from ALLAH (AWJ) to us .
    Remember our creator as he will remember us everytime .things will become easy and lovable by the mercy of ALLAH (AWJ).INSHAALLAH

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  6. I had just heard on the radio that dating is dead, and this blog seems to affirm along that. It is always interesting to hear what is going on with the younger generation especially from the perspective of that age group. I need to ask some of my younger friends and my son -age 28–about this. Thanks for a thought-provoking article. And keep looking for a man at church!

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    1. His Eileen, thanks for sharing this reflection. Yeah – will def keep looking at Church! Hugs and love xox

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  7. Caralyn, where do I start?

    First, while it wasn’t a dating app, I did meet my amazing bride online while we lived 3000 miles away. Ironically, it was on an epilepsy support group site! She had been recently diagnosed within the past few years and I am a lifer, diagnosed at 18 months.
    Second, meeting “Mr. Right” in church is certainly an ideal thing. If you were my daughter, and you are just a few years younger than she is, I would say, “Kudos to you!” However, as a clergyman, if I knew you were coming to church where I was preaching and knew that you were there to meet cute guys and my sermon was an afterthought, I may take it personally. I know that your faith is very important to you. Don’t let anything get in the way of that, even if it is meeting the man who will some day be almost good enough for you.
    I find it funny to hear you talk about how you figure that you are at least presentable and not repulsive, etc. Having seen enough pictures and videos of you, I don’t think you could be anything but drop-dead gorgeous if you tried!
    If and when God brings the right man to you, it will be in His timing. Remember that His timing is not always the same as ours.

    Love and Blessings,

    Jim

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    1. Hi Jim, thanks so much for sharing your story! I love that you met your wife in that way! And oh my gosh you’re so kind to say that. Amen – His timing is perfect! Thanks for the encouragement 🙂 Hugs and love xox

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  8. I definitely can nod my head to your experience. Around this time last year I joined a dating app (due to a friend’s pressure), and I ran into all sorts of superficial guys and creeps. Somehow I did meet my fiance, which was totally a God thing. He hated the app so much he was about to delete it! We’re both introverted, so it worked out for us. But he still courted me and always pursues me the old fashioned way. A guy can still do this with online dating, but it takes A LOT more effort.
    Xoxo Emily.

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    1. Thanks so much Emily. So glad it resonated with you! And oh my gosh! That’s so amazing! Thanks for sharing your beautiful love story – it gives me great hope!! Hugs and love xox

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  9. Thank you so much for sharing this. You’re absolutely right – romance is a dying art. I’ve never tried dating apps or online dating because I’ve always assumed that nothing would ever come out of them, but my friend, who met her husband online, insists that it works. I don’t get it – before digital dating, people had to meet somehow, right?

    Anyway, you’re gorgeous and I find it surprising, if not discouraging, that dating is such a challenge! You deserve the best. Know your self-worth and God will take care of the rest 🙂

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  11. Great read, and sadly true. But there are men and woman who feel as you feel.
    By the way, your church stories are far too relatable to mine, so I was cracking up.

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  12. I think it runs deeper than that. My sister – not Piggie – met her hubby in an online game. And they now have three kids and are very happy together. I on the other hand, have tried two online dating websites and experienced the same weirdness you’ve reported, plus I’m an avid gamer. No dice. Before I had met my now ex through my brother, I was an extrovert. I still enjoy social endeavors but I’m finding that too many people as of late lacking social nuance as a whole. Am I becoming an introvert or is the social scene changing or is the advent of the iPhone truly to blame? I don’t know – and this is coming from someone that lives out in the sticks where high speed internet is still a novelty.

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    1. Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts on this. I’m very happy to hear that your sister found success in the online dating pool! Hugs and love xox

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      1. Yeah, I won’t lie… I’m kind of jealous. Those two are still very much in love as far as I can tell. But having said that, they have the social skill set they need to make a relationship work. If they didn’t, it wouldn’t have mattered how they met, their relationship wouldn’t have lasted.

        If it’s Mr. Right, it won’t matter how the two of you meet. You guys will click, and you will find the way to make it work. My siblings are a testament to this.

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  14. Romance in the digital age consists of Instagram posts, Facebook selfies and Twitter flirts. It may have been down to age, technology and the stories of the last generation. Unfortunately, it is what it is and I doubt that people with a generation gap (or two) would still understand each other unless they are speaking the same “language”. Still, I hope that whatever the means, the end will be the same. A long, happy and fulfilling relationship where partners grow old together. Now I feel old. 🙂

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  15. I love this. I feel for you. The online days are going to kill so much more. Spouses are married to their phones instead of each other. Dinner time is taken up with individual shows kids are watching. I’m guilty too 🙋🏼‍♀️ we all could be better with being in the flesh and not tied to a device ❤️

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  16. Ok, I am going to be Captain obvious here. Wait, I was never a captain. Guess I will be Staff Sergeant obvious. You realize and acknowledge that things have changed in the dating scene. Why, don’t you just walk over to one of those “tall drinks” and say, “HI!, my name is…..” You know, to get the ball going?

    Why am I saying this you might ask? First, I grew up in church and all the pretty girls scared me and I was too shy to say hello. You all travel in packs and that is intimidating. Most times the nice boys are to scared and are hoping their married friends introduce them to a nice girl. Yes, this even applies to single men in there early 30’s in church (That was me too).

    Secondly, that is what I tell my 22 year old daughter when she talks about this same issue. If she really wants something she needs to try and make it happen, either in work, vacations, or in relationships. Especially when she doesn’t want her parental units trying to set her up with “good boys.” So, I just remind her that it was her mother and stepmother who said “Hello” first.

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  18. I agree. I feel like the Net, apps and social media has made us stupid,. Stupid enough for a guy to not see a great gal among and him not notice.. YOU!

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  19. Great write and read! Millenials don’t know how to carry on conversations without their phones! Grrr. Oh, and my single, never-been-married 30 year old son is in New York for a concert this weekend. And this boy can talk. JS. Haha!

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  20. So I’ve never actually tried or even installed any of the dating apps that are out there, in spite of the encouragement from many multiple married friends who think that’s the way I should go now that I’m 38 and still single. But I haven’t tried them for the same reasons you just spelled out. Finding someone like that feels hollow somehow.

    Tomorrow night, I’ll be going out on the first date I’ve been on in three years. And it’s with a girl I met face to face. She goes to my church. One day she had to come by my office to do something and we ended up talking and just clicked. It kind of just happened. I certainly didn’t plan on it. Because, in spite of my never having tried a dating app, I’m still one of those guys who has no clue how to approach a woman and strike up a conversation out of thin air. I blame my introversion, mostly. And a pessimistic mindset based on years of trying and figuring out that she’s probably not that into me anyway.

    I don’t know if this will work out beyond dinner tomorrow night. And that’s okay. If it does, hey that’s a nice bonus to how life’s going these days. So I say keep doing your thing. Eventually that drink of water will figure out he’s being an idiot for not saying hello. Don’t let the millennials tell you how to date.

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    1. Thanks for sharing your thoughts on this. Good luck with the date tomorrow! I’ll say a prayer for ya 🙂 Hugs and love xox

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  21. For myself, I get tongue-tied and useless when it comes to anything that resembles romantic conversation. Perhaps that’s why no one came up and talked to you. Or maybe they just didn’t get the hint – us guys are awful at reading between the lines 😛

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  22. You are right! But don’t let the ‘blind church guys’ thing get to you. They have noticed you alright. You are beautiful and there is no way any red-blooded male is going to not notice you. They will be playing some silly game… or…like my husband did…they may be terrified to approach you! It is better to stick to the people you ‘know’ who attend your church because not only can they not put on a false show as much as the online guys, but there will be people around who know them and can vouch for them and can warn you of them if they need to. The pressure on Christian guys to make that first move is overwhelming. Is there any way you can get a few girls together and invite a few of the guys out to see a movie or something? It won’t be seen as tarty and they will be relieved that you helped them break the ice. My husband studied me from afar for more than a year before he plucked up the courage to approach me and say hi. He was terrified! Guys are scared of being knocked back by beautiful girls. If you approach one of them and begin talking, they will be touched by your nervousness and they will know you are down to earth enough to talk to. Some men think beautiful girls are stuck up and assume that is why they don’t talk to them. Remember everybody is seeing things from their own point of view. Also, remember the story of Peter in the boat. God did not move until he plucked up the courage to step out of the boat and walk towards him. Go on, give it a try – you’ve got nothing to lose. 🙂

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    1. Thanks so much! Oh gosh, I really appreciate your kind words. That’s great advice – I love a group setting too. Way less pressure 🙂 Hugs to you xox

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  23. Nice to hear you. I understand what you mean here, but in this day and age I think men are scared of women.
    BUt you are right you’re an attractive lady and the guys should be queing up for you 🙂

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  24. This got my creative brain thinking. How would a guy approach a pretty girl in church? So I wrote a little story. Wanted to let you know in case you stumble upon it and think I’m creepin’. Not in the least. I just like to write about those magical moments when girl meets boy.

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  25. I’m thinking the apps and other things are only symptoms of the larger issue as identified in Matthew 24:12…”And because iniquity shall abound, the love of many shall wax cold.”

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  26. Spot on. I think another point to dating apps is the anonymity they offer. It’s a veil to hide behind, so that you need not expose your true self if you choose not to. Romance depends on practice, along with a little creativity. I fear that the iPhone generation cannot get their face out of the screen long enough to learn the art of romance – let alone, face to face conversation. I will venture a guess that each of your 4 tall drinks of water, do most of their socializing on their cell phones. By the way, my wife and I met on a dating site called Seniors Meet Seniors. Dating apps came around much later in our lives, so the art of romance was not lost, but in fact thrived in our relationship – which led to marriage. Keep the faith!

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    1. Thanks so much John. I appreciate your encouragement. Great point! And thanks for sharing your love story! How awesome! Hugs and love xox

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  27. Girl, this couldn’t be any more truer! some days I feel like pulling my hair all out too. People overall have completely forgotten how to socialize face to face much less court ….makes me wonder if this is our generation now … what will it be like for our daughters?!

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  28. Even at 52 this is the scenerio …I did a dating site once and in 20 min met my previous narcissistic abuser that had a school of woman in many sites..ughhh I never did the sites before and in 20 min I was off…I meet men in real life all the time but the number one thing I see is exactly what your talking about..there in there damn phone face first snd have no eye contact or ability to keep a good conversation because there spread so thin on the phone apps of all kinds, texts, messenger constantly…I have no facebooks and if it takes that to get more business right now im out..maybe one day I can make sense of it but id rather be swinging from a tree and basking in nature swimming in lakes and writing my souls songs snd taking photos along the way..ive never watched porn in my life ever and thats an issue too..what happen to real authentic emotions, sounds, feelings and imagination? I have yet to find a man that isnt basking in that on the side…not to frustrate the situation anymore, God knows and he knows your heart…he will arrive EXACTLY when hes suppose to when you have the space for him to enter….when u say no to somethings such as the apps then yes has room to arrive…good job for recognizing truth and authenticity, its so rare but it out there..what you seek is seeking you..dont settle for anything less than what your heart calls, it knows..

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    1. Thanks so much Kerri for sharing your story. I’m so sorry to hear that you weren’t treated with the respect and dignity you so deserve. There’s a man out there for you who will treat you as the precious daughter of God that you are. Hugs and love xox

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      1. Oh yes there is and if not that’s fine too, God knows who it is and im not in a hurry…I already had all my kids and carrer and all that now its just fun…when he arrives itll be fun but no settling…

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  29. I met my husband off of a dating website, but if it wasn’t for his long email I would have given up entirely. I was on that site for months and nothing. Like you mentioned, the conversations had no depth. Steve’s (my husband) email made me giddy! I remember that night cause I was at work. I heard my phone bing and sorta rolled my eyes, anticipating another “hey beautiful, wanna hang out?” Really? You couldn’t think of anything better than that?! Instead, right off the bat he was recommending books to read (I shared my love for reading) and asking if we could go bowling on our first date ( I mentioned I hated going to bars/loud places for first dates) so we could actually have a quiet conversation. And that’s exactly what we did a week later. We are complete opposites in a lot of ways, but perfect for each other. He’s a slob and I’m somewhat of a neat freak. I enjoy going out with friends or just go places by myself, he would prefer to stay home/indoors all the time. But our differences make everything work. I am glad online dating was fairly new when I used it, but I could see the decline of people actually interacting face to face at that time. Dating sucked then!

    Keep your head up! He’s out there waiting for you..

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    1. Thanks for the encouragement! It really means a lot. And thanks for sharing your story! I’m so glad you and Steve found each other!!! Gives me hope 🙂 Hugs and love xox

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  30. Only 3.9% of men in America are over 6’2. About one in a hundred people are a millennial man but, only 2 or 3 out of every thousand are tall and millennial. I know! Math. 🙄 Ha. So, if you only went husband hunting in New Jersey there would be one guy fitting these two things every mile. In Wyoming, it’s about every 48 miles. Millennials are more social digitally but, and there’s always a but, we can’t assume 100% of millennials are dating digitally. I read it’s about 1 in 4 sometimes 1 in 8. So, those three things put only 3 eligible men digitally in all of Manhattan.

    I’m a downer. I know. 😂 It’s why when OkCupid came out I played with their data. I’d download batches of 30,000 dating profiles and tear them apart. The average reading level is 6th grade two grades below the national average. Not bad, if it’s working but, it’s not working. 😳

    Love is. So, it won’t be found unless one loves their whole self. I have dated women with lots of degrees because intelligence is as attractive as beauty products. It was arrogant to think intelligence would break stereotypes. There is nothing like love so when it is found. I don’t know. Hold it up to the light to make sure. Not the darkness of past relationships with others, or with ourselves.

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    1. This is such a powerful perspective. Thank you so much. You’ve given me a lot to think about! Hugs and love xox

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      1. Perception is reality. Dating is more appealing when there’s more possibility hence dating apps become like a digital happy hour or endless mimosa brunch. Is everyone doing it? Nope. Not at all.

        The same with roles and rules for romance. My great great grandfather liked a girl, she liked a guy that just got one of those fancy things. Cars. There was a famine. The guy drove away. Every few days, grandfather came back from hunting and gave some meat to her family. The winter ended and his horse died. So he dragged a big horn sheep from the mountains to this girl’s family. She married him that spring. That’s who I’m named after.

        That wasn’t too long ago. Dating has not changed that much. A good job has been exchanged for the hunt and the give and take is still there I think to ensure who’s the most worthy of love.

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      2. Thank you Kenzie for this thoughtful response. Thanks for sharing that about your great great grandfather. Wow – what a story. Hugs and love xox

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  32. “Men don’t know how to approach women anymore.” I thought this only exist in conservative arab and muslim countries due to the religious stigma attached to those who approach women. I guess people around the world are appreciating loneliness more than ever for reasons I cann’t understand.

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  33. LOL, Caralyn! I don’t mean laughing at you just that it sounds just like my daughter (in the same age range). Just that she’s in DC, not NYC. I will say to you what I say to her — hang in there! Everything happens in God’s time, which is not our time. I met her mom in a chance passing in NYC because I thought she looked liked a sister of a girl my friend had dated. Our first date was today over 35 years ago. Crazy! You never know when, but you will find that someone very special. Ted

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    1. Haha aw thank you Ted. Yeah I just need to be patient and wait on His timing. And thanks for sharing your love story! It gives me great hope 🙂 Hugs and love xox

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  34. I love this post! I found this to be coincidental timing because I was just having a conversation with my family about online dating and dating shows. Granted, I know that online dating has worked out well for some people. But it has taken on a dark side just as the internet and social media have in general. I always say that if people back then were able to find their soulmates without the internet or online dating, then we should be able to too. Our generation forgot how to communicate with the use of these things-completely agree with you! It’s a complicated thing, but no matter what, God will place someone special in our lives when the time is right! Everything happens for a reason. 😘 XOXO

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    1. Thanks so much Brooke! So glad it resonated with you. So true – All in His timing! Now just to practice patience! Haha easier said than done!! Hugs and love xox

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  38. It always seemed to me, that men never showed up, when I was looking for one but when I would go out, just wanting to have fun with people and I was looking a mess, I would have trouble getting rid of them.
    It happened to me again the other day. A date was the last thing on my mind and yet men were cropping up flirting all over the place.
    I can assure you nothing was further from my mind. You are young and beautiful. Some young man will find you one day, probably when you are looking the other way.
    Dating websites have their place but be very cautious.

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  39. Wow. Great post. Thanks for letting us dinosaurs know what it is like out there. I could not imagine being thrust into the current dating scene and in fact I hope it does not ever happen to me. Some 43 years ago, as a shy awkward guy, I was lucky enough to find and woo my now wife of more than 40 years. I can not imagine being with anyone else, but her. That is what needs to return. Getting to know the person, rather than the profile, which we all know can be quite creative and sometimes, just a little bit embellished. People need to make time and take time to meet others with similar interests and morals. Good luck.

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  41. Wow! You write so well! I usually shy away from reading blogs for more than a few paragraphs – but looks like you hit a nerve with all your fans! I’m so thankful not to be in the dating scene… married 36 years to my quiet and amazing wife who bore our 5 children and did most of the raising and praying for them. Now they are all married (except #4 kid, age 25, lives at home, but who finally met his match and getting married in August) to partners whom they met via church and family and 3 grandchildren so far. This is really a story about God’s grace in our lives, despite some major challenges. I hope you find the Cool Tall Glass of Water who appreciates and cherishes you. If not, then try a different church and go for a Tall Glass of Spritzer!

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  43. Interesting post. My step daughter loves those apps for meeting people. She got me interested in looking at them; I even signed up. There were some interesting women. Some expressed some interest in me. Some I noticed and sent messages to, but my temporary subscriptions kept running out, and I couldn’t reply unless I reupped and put some more money down. Not only did it seem like mostly a money-grabbing scheme, but I found I couldn’t really get interested in someone from a photo and description. In person, I usually know right away if it’s someone I’d like to get to know. Online, I just couldn’t tell. Arranging dates with strangers puts me off. I know meeting someone randomly is also meeting a stranger, but it’s different. When I meet someone with my friends, or other people I know, it seems like we already have a connection. The people I know, know them. They know some of the people I know. Or, we are doing the same activity, and strike up a conversation. Real human contact, it seems to me, beats online dating every time.

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  44. This was a really cute post. I’ve had similar experiences on those apps, which I suppose is strange since I was the one searching for a deeper level of intimacy. If you’re up for it, I’d love to take you out for dinner, which would kind of be like online dating, but a bit deeper due to what we know from each other’s blogs 🙂

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  45. Many of the people on Apps, or any kind of online dating site mostly lie or color their truths. I have a friend who not long ago tried different ones and actually went on a couple dates from them. She vowed NEVER AGAIN. The guys were not how they hyped themselves up as, on their profile, and had other strings attached that they did not mention. It was a mess. You are real and deserve real. Hugs and love xoxoxoxo

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  46. Although I have never even considered using one of those apps (way to old and old fashion) I am not convinced all the blame for “the death of chivalry and courtship” should land squarely upon your generation either. I am of the opinion that it has been in steady decline since the the 1960’s.

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  47. Did you know…the Bachelorette has three times as many couples still together than the Bachelor? So. Approachable yes, but if a women chose a man to spend time with it seems to last longer. Even in real life. Men. Are seemingly “always ready” but once the hormones balance out I’ve had male friends wanting to bail over the superficial because, it wasn’t love. Both kind of see it but no one wants to fail.

    I’m slow. I could meet the same woman everyday and see every signal and just, let this romance pass. It’s not because I’m love averse I want to be everything to someone. To know all the things in their heart. Love. Is definitely an interpretation, a secret language of two people. It’s why, I remain alone in this current climate because everyone speaks and no one listens. The dating apps just add more noise. Another wall between two strangers.

    When we could sit across from someone. Just know. That eyes and hearts feel something that is when love occurs. Sometimes. Words do that. Sometimes. If we are deliberate then love find us. I’m fine alone it’s, just life.

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    1. I did know that! Haha yeah I love that thought that love is a secret language between two people. Hugs and love xox

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      1. Maybe the newer generation is more willing to choose an app for something. Finding love should not be like finding a restaurant on Yelp. When I met my ex-wife I wrote her for years. I was in the military. Letters would find me eventually in some swampy or cold and frigid place. I’d read them but couldn’t keep them. I saw her two years later and married her. The second day I married her. When I hear Dixie Chicks, “Travelin’ Soldier.” It was us.

        An app would work if it wasn’t bound to a strict path. Love. Is what doesn’t fit, love is not pizza.

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  48. So sad, but probably the case. Good for you trusting God to find you a husband at the right time! I found my wife through church and two of our daughters found their husbands through churches too. The other two didn’t, but their guys were soon attending church with them. Some advice I once heard was this: busy yourself with the work God gives you to do, and one day you’ll look up and find your future husband working right alongside you! I don’t know if it always works but it sounds possible. However God puts you two – you and your future husband – together, one thing I’m sure of, you will be a blessing to him and I trust he will also be a blessing to you, so that together you will be amazing!

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  49. Hey, Sis! 🙂 I’ll be honest with you: Ok Cupid was one of the sites I used in order to find a “friend” for myself. I will admit that God revealed the truth about the men that wished to whisk me away: They were either abusive or demanded me for sex. When I practiced ‘patience’, the truth finally came out in all of them. I did this because I don’t have any friends to hang out with like I used to. I was an extrovert, but turned into becoming an introvert.

    It’s tough to say whom I can trust nowadays, and I agree with you about how technology has changed the way how men can approach a woman. I remember trying to have men notice me before, but it never worked, unless I attracted the wrong guys in the end.

    Stay strong, Sis’. 🙂 xoxo

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    1. Thank you for this powerful perspective. I appreciate you sharing your story. Hugs and love xox

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  50. I enjoyed reading this and loved what you said about social skills, courtship knowhow, and the like. My husband and I were raised with these “old fashioned” values / social graces in a church community. We began a courtship at 23 years old and are starting our 3rd year of marriage.

    Even though our life involves more technology every day (it’s even a struggle to not have my phone attached to my hand all day), we plan on enjoying a simple life and to raise our son and future family in a copy/paste of our upbringing, as much as we can.

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    1. Thank you so much friend! Oh wow that’s so wonderful! Congrats on your marriage! What a beautiful love story 🙂 that’s so awesome 🙂 Hugs and love xox

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